19 Years of Abuse, Betrayal, & Rebuilding Her Life | #ABtalks with The Wizard Liz | Chapter 259

Who helped Liz?

I built this whole empire by myself.Nobody's coming to save you.That's what I used to always say.

You had bulimia, anorexia, severe depression.

Yeah.Now I had to deal with 19 years of abuse.

When did it all change?

When I was four months pregnant, I got cheated on.Loyalty is more important than love.I'm going to stop being a victim.

The more I'm listening to you, the more I know how real it was.

You don't need to forgive everyone.And I don't believe everyone deserves your forgiveness either.

When I say your childhood, what is the first emotion that comes to mind?

My oldest brother, he was disabled because of the war.

You don't forgive him.

We used to pray that his plane would crash.If he was to die, then we were finally relieved of our suffering.

And I'm sorry that I'm reminding you of these things, but I'm trying to paint a picture of his to the people also.

Yeah.

So I knew this was going to be, the funny thing is we believe in timing, and we were supposed to meet for the first time last year, but for timing reasons of our life or fate, it didn't happen, and we finally meet today.And I was doing the research and I was mind blown by what Liz has gone through in her life, and I knew I could not compromise questions, like I can't remove, I wanted to keep all of the questions in my head, so I had a lot.and I wanted you to go with me through a journey to get to know Liz.So I hope you enjoyed it too.

Yeah, I liked it a lot.

Okay.

Five stars.

That was ten.I'll take ten.So if you know Liz from before, I really hope, because she said she doesn't do a lot of long form, I hope you get to know her from different angles and herperspective on a lot of things.And if you don't know her, get to know her.I think you're going to get to know three hours of proper insight.

And if you like her, support her.Support her love for women, for being a mother, and when she opens her brand.So I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

Thank you.And also support him.

Thank you.Enjoy.

Let's go.

Hi Liz.

Hi.

We finally meet.

Yes.

Yeah, we never met in person.Funny.

No.

No.So we start with, how are you really doing?

I'm doing good.Given the circumstances, I think I'm doing pretty good.

Are you covering or are you actually good inside?

I don't know.I feel like I'm like so numb at this point in my life where I just don't know anymore how I'm really feeling.I just like, I think so many things have happened in my life where I just had to survive.and not really live.So like now again I have a situation happening in my life that I soheartbreaking that I'm like, okay, it's survival mode again.

And once I'm in survival mode, I just don't feel, I just keep going because I have no other choice.

Yeah, I guess it's in your wiring.And today for the audience, I'm just telling you from now, enjoy the ride because we have a whole journey to go through your 27 years, which is a very interesting and filled journey.experience, so I wanted to go through it.I really looked at the research and I didn't go too deep because I want to listen to you.But yeah, everybody knows you as the wizard Liz, but who is Liz when no one's around?

I think I'm really, I'm a very positive person and I'm very funny.I mean, that's how my friends would describe me and my friends, that's my sister.because I don't really hang out with anyone else.So I think my sister would describe me as someone funny, lighthearted.I'm also very like, I feel like a strong person and definitely a workaholic.I love working.

Yeah.And I feel like I'm also like, I'm always there for people.Yeah.

You said you don't have friends.

I don't really have friends, no.Growing up, I wasn't allowed to have friends.In school, I had friends, but I wasn't allowed to hang out with them outside because my father was super controlling, super religious.Basically, me and my sister, we couldn't leave our house unless it was school or work.I never was allowed to develop friendships outside of the house, but I was very lucky that I had a sister, which is literally my best friend.And yeah, that was really good.

But other than that, all of my friendships just turned into online.Like I never really hang out with people other than my sister.Yeah.

So it's just something you got used to that even when you moved out and had your own life, you still don't know how to make friends or you don't want to make new friends?

I think right now I'm in a point of like, even with my career and everything that I've been very betrayed, even with people that I used to be my friends and I've been backstabbed a lot that I'm very cautious now, who I allow around me.And like even recently I found something out about like, a guy that I used to be friends with, and I'm like, I don't understand how some people do what they do or why they would do it.But you know how they always say like, once you make it or once you become successful, you're day ones, you should never forget them or all these things.But I really feel like once you change or once you reach a certain level of success, a lot of people reveal who they really are.That for me has been the most heartbreaking process because I now understand why people say, like, the more successful you get, the more lonelier you get.Like, I get it and I hate that.

They say people tell you you've changed when you stop being the way they want you to be.

Yeah, exactly.Exactly.That's very true.

Yeah.But you know what, how I look at it, Liz, when I go through similar things, I'm like, thank God you showed me.Because I'd rather know then be that stupid idiot that everybody knows except me. I hate that idea.Everybody's like, oh, he's taking advantage or they're lying or they're cheating or whatever.And you're just like that.I don't want to be the naive guy.

I want to know at least.It will hurt, but I know.And then I know where to put you.Either out or in.

box I know yeah I prefer that yeah I agree it hurts but it's better yeah very true but it's a hard lesson to learn I feel like Yeah.

You've never had like one best friend other than your sister?

I had like in school.

Okay.

There was this girl, this Moroccan girl.I'm still friends with her.We always text.Her name is Nasira.And she never had friends either.And then I was like, well, let's be friends, you know?

And yeah, that she's a really nice girl.I appreciate her a lot.

What made your heart smile today?

I FaceTimed my baby.

Okay.

Yeah, I was very happy.

I'm happy that you're happy.

Thank you.

That's really sweet and important for your heart.

For two weeks I had no contact with my ex who has my child.And I didn't know anything about my child.So I was really suffering.Because my sister is trying to make me be strong.She's just like, you know, he'll come around.he'll give you your child or whatever will happen, just stay strong, stay strong.

And then two weeks go by and nothing happens.And then I feel like, especially because I'm a mother, I can.So I reached out and we came to some sort of agreement that I at least can FaceTime my child.That made me very happy.But I just don't understand the level of evil you have to be to take a child from their mother.if the mother is like genuinely like wants to be in the child's life and wants to be there, especially because it's an infant, you know, they need their mother, especially for the brain development and all these things.

So yeah, I really this year,I just learned that people are very evil.And I feel like growing up, I don't know why, because my dad was very sadistic and he was very evil.But somehow, I was very naive about people.And maybe it's because I was always isolated.Because I wasn't allowed to hang around other people, really.

I wasn't allowed to date.So I didn't really know.the extent of people.So I just assumed everyone has good in them.And I was really like, okay, blah, blah, blah.Like just delusional, you know?

And I think this, just like, especially meeting my ex and like going through all of that and that betrayal, I realized like, wow, like there is actual real danger in this world.And people will portray themselves as someone that they're completely not.And they just don't care that if it hurts you or they don't they don't feel empathy that it hurts you.So then I was like, damn, I really need to watch out.But that also made me like more wise because now I'm like, OK, so now I know at least, you know, so I think there was a blessing in that, that it just it really woke me up.

Yeah, the idea of good and evil is a tricky one, Liz, because I think there's a lot of good, but I think the evil sometimes trumps the good.It's like comments.If you get 49 good comments and one really bad one, your brain focuses on the bad ones.And the sad thing is, Let's take a building.It takes you two years to build a building, right?

Yeah.

It takes you one moment to blow it up.

Yeah.

So the evil is very strong and quick.

Yeah.

And it can destroy so much.

Yeah.

Like to build, I could, as friends, I can build me and you our trust for the next two years.And then I do one thing and you're like, fuck him.

Yeah.

I can't believe he did that.He said that behind my back or he did this.So it breaks.And that's why I think sad, I feel sad about the evil.I don't know, sometimes people are born with it, maybe not, maybe it's the childhood.

I think it can be like nurture, you know?That's why I'm like, even if I say like, for example, my ex is evil, I think it's more so he's also acting from a traumatized standpoint and what he knows from his childhood because I really believe you attract people on the same traumas that you have, for example.No matter how much you try to heal them or whatever, your nervous system will be comfortable with someone that has either been through the same things or is on that same vibration.So if you look at my ex, for example, when he was abandoned, really, like a child.What he's doing now is what his parents did with him.Just like, I'm gonna take the child and whatever, all these things.

In a way, I was also abandoned, but it was like my parents did stay together, even though they were abusive, like my dad was abusing my mom, they stayed together.So for me, I grew up like not getting the love and nurture that I needed from my parents, but they stayed together.So there's a sense of loyalty that I know, which isn't even good because oftentimes people that see their parents argue or stay in abusive situations, they go into relationships and then they think like, Okay, so I should also stay because my parents stay together.And that's what they see as like, this is love.You stay together no matter what.And then, for example, what he's doing is like his parents were like dating other people and like throwing the child around, like using it as a prop.

And now he's doing the same thing.And he doesn't really know that, like any loyalty, really, because he didn't see that with his parents.And so it's like, is this person really evil or are they acting from their childhood?Because I mean, what he's doing is bad, but I always look at why are you doing that?You know, it doesn't mean that I have to accept it.It doesn't mean I have to justify your actions.

But I always try to understand like, where is this coming from, you know?

If you understand Liz, it makes you feel better.

Yeah.

That's why we want to understand.

Yeah, that's true.

That's why ghosting sucks.

Yeah.

Because you don't understand.

Yeah, you go crazy.

But if you understand, even if they're like, I just am not interested.

Yeah.

Even if it hurts, you understand.And you can like close it off.

Yeah.Yeah, I think that's what I have.

Yeah.They say When people say that they're looking for happiness in a relationship, they're not really seeking happiness, they're seeking familiarity.And that's where you attract what your nervous system is used to.Chaos, chaos.Abandonment, abandonment.Unless you catch it and maybe work on it, I don't know.

When I say your childhood, what is the first emotion that comes to mind?

I just feel betrayed.

I feel like my childhood was taken from me. I feel like I never had one.That's what I feel like when I think of my childhood.

And we're gonna go more into it, but I'll tell you a few things that I read.Is it true?that your mom tried to escape on her wedding night?

Yes, yes.My mom was forced to marry my dad, which is crazy because like she really didn't want to marry him.She didn't want to marry anyone.And my mom was like, she's still a very beautiful woman, but like everyone knew her as a super beautiful woman, like in the city.And she was always like very highShe didn't want to marry anyone.

And then my dad was from a poor village.not attractive, no one wanted him, and he was already married one time before.And my mom used to always say, I will never marry someone that had kids before or that was married before.And she used to always say that.And then my dad came around and everyone literally said he did black magic on her.No way that he got her.

This is how much people couldn't believe it.And even on her wedding night, there were other people that were trying to marry her.She was trying to escape to go that way, but my aunt caught her and she was forced to marry my dad.And yeah, the misery began.Once she married him, he turned immediately abusive.And it was crazy because he was stalking her, obsessing over her.

He wouldn't leave her alone until he married her.And then it was like 25 years of hell.Yeah.

How would you describe your childhood, other than the betrayal feeling?If you had to throw it for me.

It's such a blur because I have so much trauma that a lot of things I do not remember.I remember flashes, like visions almost, and they're not good.I didn't have a childhood.I don't know what to tell you.I don't know.I do know that I, I was like a happy kid still or tried to be happy but it's not like that I was like given the love that I wanted.

Not from mom too?

My mom was very like, I feel like I was a mother to my mother.So I feel like I was her parent taking care of her and protecting her.You know, it's actually crazy.I do like hypnotherapy and all these things for my PTSD.And I was recently in a session with my therapist and I wanted to heal the relationship with my ex and why I feel so responsible for this person, even though they hurt me.We literally went into hypnosis and I saw a vision where I was a little girl, and I don't remember what age it was, I think like around eight years old or something, and I was sleeping.

And I remember at night, I suddenly heard like, Liz, like my mom yelling for me.So I woke up and I ran to the living room.And when I ran to the living room, like the lights were off and my mom was sitting on the floor and my dad was sitting in front of her.And she had been hit in the face.And I was like, and I looked at them and my dad looked at me, he's like, go back to your room, like go to sleep.And my mom was scared.

And in that moment, my mom told me like, oh, this is making me emotional.My mom told me like, don't go because she was scared.And in that moment, I decided, like, I went to sit next to her, even though I was scared myself.But I realized, like, in that moment, I decided, like, I took on the role of her protector.And ever since that moment, like, it wasn't a childhood for me anymore.It was like, I'm responsible for my mother and I'm responsible for my siblings, for my whole family.

I need to protect them.I need to protect them against my father.And my father really started to, like, hate me from a young age and resent me because I was always protecting my mom.And, like, for example, he would try these manipulation tactics.on my siblings, like, oh, I'm going to buy donuts for you guys, or whatever, so they would like him more.But it would never work on me, because I could see through him, and I was like, no, I'm going to stick with my mom no matter what.

And yeah, that was just my whole childhood, giving her advice, protecting her, physically protecting her.Once I became older, my whole focus was I need to provide and I need to make money to help my mom and to help my siblings.Like, that's my role.So then I remember when I was 12 years old, for example, I went and I was like, I bought these waffles in supermarkets.And I was like, I have to decorate each waffle separately.And then I was going to sell them like door to door to people so that I could make money.

And I was like, yeah, it's for a good cause.The good cause is me.So I was like, I was selling them and I had made like a lot of money, you know, but I told like my parents I have like a nanny job or something.So then I was like, I was doing that job.And then once it was legal for me to work, which was like 15 turning 16, I did any job I could.Like literally I was always working because I didn't want my mom to have to provide for me because she was already working a lot and my dad wasn't doing anything.

So I didn't want to put like more pressure on her.So also my sister started working, like the women in the family were all working.And we were providing for ourselves.And then we were like, my dad would make us pay for groceries and everything, like he was doing nothing.So yeah, it was a lot of responsibility at a young age.

Yeah, it makes sense that you didn't taste what childhood is supposed to be.And then also at some point you had to leave your homeland and emigrate, right?

Yeah, that wasactually like, I was one years old.Oh, that was before, that was before.

So all of what you told me was after the move.Yeah, yeah.So you moved very early, so you don't remember your home.

No, no, my mom does remember the war, my dad does, my older brother does, yeah.

Okay.You ready for the journey?

Yes.

The first time I do it this way.There was so much to your story, Liz, that I usually don't even, like, I'll use this just for, like, five questions that I'll quote you, and I'll see what you have to say about your quote, right?Or what somebody's saying.But this time, like, I can't.I need to make sure we go to this journey correctly.

Yeah, okay.I've lived many lives.

Okay.So is it true that your mother was cleaning toilets for $10 a week?And that was your family's only source of food?

Yes, that was like when we had just immigrated and we're at the immigration center refugee camp.And there you could like do a job where you clean toilets and she would make like $10 a week for that.And yeah, that was the money that we had.Which another thing happened, which was even crazier because my oldest brother, he was disabled because of like the war.And because of that, we got government support that they gave to refugees, and it was around $10 ,000 to $15 ,000.But that was a huge amount of money, especially back in the day.

Per month or per day?

No, that was once you get that, because you need medical support and all these things.And basically, my mom had found out that my dad had taken that money that was supposed to be for my brother, and he had sent it back home so his mom could be happy.a house for herself after the war destroyed her house so she could build a house again.So my mom said that was the first time that I looked at that man and I was like, I genuinely hate this person and I'm never gonna forgive him again because we couldn't even afford food or basic necessities and you have three children by that time and he just didn't care.send it all so we didn't have money.

Why do you think your, you said you're five.

Yeah.

Why do you think your mom kept having children?

I think society and like how our culture is raised.I think it's like, it's very normal and it's like what her mother has done and they didn't know any better.I mean, they also never had an example of any woman that does anything outside of the norm.So you're just gonna do what everyone else is doing.You create a family, the man tells you he wants a child, so you listen to the man.He's abusing you, but you're still gonna stay because that's all you have ever seen.

And then it takes one person to break that cycle for it to never repeat again.Because now you have an example of how things can be different.

Is it true that your father would invite friends over to humiliate your mother because she wanted a job?

Yes.So the first years he wouldn't allow her to work, but we would get like government support and he wouldn't give it to her either or like she had to beg for like five dollars to buy bread, you know.And he basically liked the control that he had.And then whenever she was like, look, I really need a job, like, I need to provide for my children, he would basically call his friends, like, look at this dumb ass, she wants a job, like, blah, blah, like, he would just laugh at her.

It's quite twisted.You don't have money, she wants to work, and he doesn't allow her to work.

I think he enjoyed seeing her suffer.And I think there is a lot of men, unfortunately, that enjoy seeing women suffer.It's not even about anything other than that.They like that you're unhappy.

I think it's a very narcissistic trait and egoistic trait.Narcissists are masters at it.Slowly, slowly they control you.Or slowly, slowly they make you insecure.Like, you know, blue jeans don't look good on you, for example.And you're like, oh really?

It actually looks good, but now he wants you to be insecure about it because you're a good -looking person or whatever.And slowly say, oh, your ears and...And that's, I'm talking about the subtle narcissists.There is more aggressive.

I wonder, because I used to always think like, okay, does my dad fit into the archetype?But he was way more sadistic than that.I think narcissism is like one way, but then you have like actual sociopaths and that don't feel any type of empathy at all.But like on the flip side, outside, he was very loved and everyone very charming man you know like oh religious man like everyone thought he was amazing so that does fit in with the narcissist but i heard somewhere that like sociopaths can have narcissism too but not all narcissists are sociopaths so like yeah i think narcissism is a spectrum yeah i think a lot of people have it especially with selfies today i think selfies make you more narcissistic especially somebody who like their last nine pictures on Instagram are all them alone and I'm like I know I know some people say I just know you're judging I think if

always just you you you yeah you I think there's a level of narcissism there now is it normal narcissism or unhealthy or healthy I think we can argue that from what I've seen I think humans have a spectrum of narcissism and at some point it becomes harmful to people yeah before that maybe somebody's just in love with themselves or Insecure.

I think that's a misconception about narcissism.

I was just going to say that.Yeah.I don't think they're in love with that.I think they're insecure.

Yeah, yeah.Because that's a misconception.Because people think like, oh, people that are narcissistic are just in love with themselves or things like that, you know?But actually, they're severely insecure individuals.And it is a mental illness.They don't operate like how normal people operate.

They scheme and they plot things.And for example, how I've seen people that have that I, I mean, diagnosed narcissism I've seen is they'll think like, okay, today I'm going to act like a good partner.Today, I'm going to act like a good father.That's how they think.But everything is an act.So nothing is really because they want to do it.

And also how exhausting it is to live like that.You have to constantly just perform, you know?Like, for example, I had this instance with this person and their grandma came to visit, for example.And when she came to visit, they were like, yeah, I want her, it's like their grandma, you know?And then they're like, I want her to just take a hotel and not stay at my house.And I was like, are you insane?

Like, let her stay at your house, at your grandma, you know?And they were like, no, because then I have to constantly wear a mask.And I was like, damn, like, when can you ever be yourself?And when in your childhood did you learn that you have to perform for approval?Because that's what they're really doing.They don't think that they're good enough.

They don't think that their authentic version will be accepted.So they will do anything so that they are liked.For example, if we look at my ex, yeah.The first year that we were together, that person didn't exist.He literally was everything I wanted in a man.He was taking care of me, he was emotionally there for me, any time he wanted to spend with me, really like a love story, beautiful.

But then I realized this person just, because he was a fan of my content before, this person just studied me and he mirrored every single thing that I was.So I fell in love with myself, but that was never him.And so after that, I realized when I was four months pregnant, I got cheated on.I was shocked because this person was such a loyal person and never wanted to leave my side and blah, blah.So when I found that out, I have never been so shocked in my life about something.It was a wake up, like, oh my God.

And then I just realized this person that I thought that he was never existed.So it was a whole reality collapse for me.And then I have to deal with like, okay, so who is this person?And I feel like, you know, when you go through a relationship like that, was the relationship ever consensual?I don't think so.Because I did not consent to get engaged to this person now, because I don't know them, you know?

So you just played a whole character for someone.I think that's actually really insane.

for sure yeah i think that i've never in my life been so shocked because you are not like that it sounds insane you know for anybody listening who's similar they're like maybe i don't know i'm literally doing it

right now.

I think, yeah, like on the topic of narcissism, I noticed people who are very egoistic, obviously have a higher level of narcissism, I would say.I think they go hand in hand to a certain degree.And I noticed they take everything personally.

Yeah.

um they don't accept criticism no no no and they don't take accountability oh no that doesn't exist at all and there's no let's agree to disagree no no yeah yeah you know so a person who is comfortable in their skin is one of the sexiest characteristics i think and they can be like yeah that's a good looking person yeah good for them yeah there's no like Envy or yeah, like no the but they seem stupid.You're like, yeah, they're funny.Like why?

It has nothing to do with you, but I that's the issue like they constantly also compete with people in their heads So I really believe that's also the reason why they struggle even more with themselves, because how can you truly become successful or fall in love with yourself if you're constantly looking at other people, you know?In order to become successful, you need to focus on yourself and you need to have like, okay, this is what I want to do, this is what I want to achieve.Because if you're going to sit there and you're going to constantly look at, oh, what is this person doing?What is that person doing?Then you are never pouring energy into yourself.You're just pouring all of your energy into these other people, and you're making them bigger.

Meanwhile, you can pour all of that energy back into yourself, and you can just become who you want to be.

Yeah, but Liz, do you think they even understand what you're saying?

Maybe one day, inshallah.

Most, I don't think so.And some of them are very successful, because I think they're very successful on the outside, not on the inside.On the inside, I don't know if they sleep well.

For me, success is like that you really feel fulfilled.inside, you know.

I think it's nice to know that you are the same person.One of the best compliments I ever get, ever, like I love this compliment.When someone meets me in real life, they're like, ah, you're the same.And I love that because then I'm aligned.I'm not like a character here.But then if you sit with me in a restaurant, I'm always on my phone.

I'm not listening.And I'm not, And you're like, you're such an attentive listener on the show, but in real life you don't even give a shit about what I'm saying.That's fake.That's me playing a character.But me, sit with me in an Uber and say, I'm curious.I'm like, oh really?

And I want to know.So when I get that compliment, I'm like, Alhamdulillah, I'm one.Or as one as I could be.

That's very important.

I think so.I hope so.Okay.Is it true that when your mother got a new job, she sold her jewelry?to take you all out to celebrate at McDonald's.So you click pause.

Why do you click pause?I hear this often that people that watch the show, they click pause when I ask a question because they ask it of themselves or their friends or their family, and then they have a conversation.So me and the team, we worked for over two years to do over 70 questions here with a die and some QR codes where I pop up.But the point was to take the conversation outside the White Studio.You know, we're blessed to have these conversations, but what if we want these conversations to go to different homes and different friend groups and colleague groups and really have intimate, deep, strong conversations that maybe you've never had before?So that's why we created this game, and it's had very good feedback.

People love it, and I hope you love it, too.Try it out and let us know.The website is there.The link is in the caption.Enjoy it and let us know.

Yes.My mom used to, because she had like gold from back home still, and she used to like, I remember when me and mysister, there was carnival at school where you dress up and whatever, and me and my sister, we couldn't afford a costume obviously, but my mom was so sad that we wouldn't be able to fit in with the other children, so that was the first time that she sold her necklace or whatever, that we could have an outfit for the carnival, and I was a butterfly, my sister was a frog.Then after that, like she finally, she was constantly applying for jobs, constantly, constantly.And then she would never get a job.But then she got one and it was like at a factory where you pack boxes.

It was very heavy, a logistical job.Like most men do that job.But then she got that job and she was so happy.So then she like, she still had some gold left.She sold it.And then we went to McDonald's and we celebrated.

We were so happy.Yeah.

That's sweet.

Yeah.

Your mom is around?yes yes yes yeah you have a relationship with that oh yeah i'm like obsessed with my mother yeah seems rightfully so um when you were taking care of the house i read that you were you know mopping the floor and because your mom was busy you and your sister would do things in the house to take care of the house and you said i think that your father would Drop more water.So you keep cleaning.

Yeah, so there was my father.He was very very weird Okay, like he had like these I don't like power things he would do, like to show that he's in power, that he's in control, like very sadistic.So for example, my mom was always working at that point.So she wasn't really around for the abuse or anything.So me and my sister, we were at home and we were just, we had to mop and clean the floor or whatever.So we did that.

And my father, he just comes in, he looks at the floor and he just puts the water again.It's like clean again.Just like for no reason, you know?Or like another time where I was sitting in my living room and I was sitting right here, I was packing my stuff for school.And he was sitting right here and he had the remote in front of him.And every single time he would call us out of our room to hand him the remote, even though it was here, but it was just to show I'm powerful.

So then one time I was sitting right there, like completely there next to like a door that had glass.And my father was sitting here, the remote is here, and he goes like, give me the remote.And I said, one second, because I was packing something in my backpack for school.And because I said one second, he takes the remote and he throws it at my head.But I ducked.So because I ducked, it broke the glass of the door.

And so he beat me up because the glass door was broken.Because it was supposed to be my head and not the glass.Yeah.

Did you notice you laugh?

Yeah.I laugh when I get uncomfortable.

I know.

Yeah.You know, there was another thing that he used to always do with me and my sister, and it was like he would literally, so he had a silver suitcase.And in our culture, honor killings are very normal for women.Ever since I was young, I heard, we're gonna kill you if you dishonor my reputation, blah, blah.That was all I ever heard.So basically, My dad had this silver suitcase and my sister and I, I remember I was like eight years old, we were sitting in our room and he came inside of the room with a silver suitcase, he opens it and there's all like butcher knives.

And he said to us like,if you guys ever do something to dishonor me, this is the knives I will kill you guys with.And then we were like, okay, like, okay.So then after that, like a couple years later, he would start this ritual where my sister, for example, pissed him off or did something.and he would take the silver suitcase and he would take out the knife and he would basically, it was in the living room, my sister was on the couch and he would like push the knife on my, like not with the sharp thing, but like the flat thing on her neck.and basically be like, you're gonna die, you're gonna die.

And I had to like for hours beg for her life.So I would sit there being like, don't kill her.Like literally I would cry so much my eyes would be swollen and we were children, you know?So I would like be begging for her life, like don't kill her, don't kill her.And then he would be like, you're gonna die.Like my sister's screaming.

Then he would be like, call your mom right now and say that like, say your last goodbyes because you're dying tonight.And then it was like torture, psychological torture for hours on end.And we believed that she was going to die.And I was the only one that could save her out of that.And then it was crazy because we had a cat at the time.That was my first cat ever.

And he was such a sweet cat.Would never put nails on you, would never touch you, nothing.But my dad, in the middle of doing his weird ritual, where he was like trying to kill my sister, he goes, he stands up, because it was time for prayer.So he goes, he stands up to pray.In front, my sister's still on the couch, and he's like, his praying mat is right here.He goes, he stands up to pray, and he goes like down like this, you know?

And suddenly, at that moment when he goes down, the cat runs up to him.his face.And my cat had never touched anyone or scratched anyone.But I really believe that cats are spiritual protectors and they energetically really protect you.And so when my cat did that to my dad, he was like, okay, stand up and go to your room.Because even he understood then that what he was doing was wrong.

It's good that you're not laughing anymore.It's not allowed.

If I don't laugh, I'm going to cry, so I'd rather laugh.

If you want to cry, you cry.If you don't want to cry, you don't cry.We don't need to cover it with laughter.

I think that's why me and my sister, we have a bond where... we're very like this and like we're always protecting each other because it's a big, we went through all of that trauma together and me and my other siblings as well.And we're all very protective of our mom because we saw her go through all of that abuse.So like even if my mom is like late five minutes from work, my brothers, everyone's calling, where are you?What's going on?We get really stressed because of what we had to witness as children.

Yeah.

How's your nervous system?

I don't know.

Tired?

Yeah, I don't know.I just, I don't know.

You can sit here.

Okay to sit, fine.

What are you feeling?

Uncomfortable.Why?

I think like I have a lot of memories of my childhood, but then I like when I actually speak about it, those emotions come back up and I feel like I'm more comfortable running from them than confronting them.

I also believe, Liz, I don't know if you believe, but I believe people come into our lives at a certain time, in a certain moment, for a certain thing, whether good or bad.But I think I am sitting here in front of you so that you don't run away too much.

Yeah.

Yeah.I think it's stop.You need to start to stop.Not sudden.I don't think it's possible sudden.I think I'm here as a handbrake.

Yeah.

For you to, you don't need to completely run away and not completely dive into it.Maybe that's too much for you at one time, but I'm your brake.

Yeah.

A little.To go from fourth gear to first.So today we sit in it a bit.It's okay.Be uncomfortable.I'll ask you more.

It feels like therapy.

I'm not a therapist.I'm just a guy that asks questions and is curious.You said that your father would spit in your face?

Yeah.

You remember that?

Yeah.

Why would he?

Because one time, my mom asked me to take $5 from his wallet because I needed to buy bread.And so he found out that I did that.he beat me for it.And the spit in my face was actually like because I spent two dollars extra on something that I needed to buy for him.So then he looked at the receipt and then he spit in my face.Yeah.

You know, when I was doing the research, I was curious if you're a liar.It's a normal thing because it's a dramatic life.And you know, some people do things to be popular, negative attention, right?Makes you popular.But the more I'm listening to you, I didn't even come with that judgement by the way.I come as neutral as I can.

But the more I just wanted to give you this credit, the more I'm listening to you, the more I know how real it was and how raw.So thank you for being raw with me.

You know, I honestly wish it was a lie.I often times think to myself, I wish I could wake up and everything was just a bad dream.But it's not.

If you could go back, in time and change the family that you were born into, would you?

No, I wouldn't because who would protect my mom?you know?

It's like, even with the money thing and me always wanting a lot of money or trying to make money, the only reason I ever wanted to do that was to help my mom and my family.Even when I started YouTube, and that was the first big paycheck that I got from my YouTube ad revenue.I immediately sent everything to my mom.Ever since then, I started giving her a monthly allowance.Then I had like a big brand deal with this sponsorship that I did and all of that money I took and I immediately paid off her house because otherwise she would have to like for the next 15 years work to pay it off and it was like such a big stress on me that she would have to work constantly to pay that and all these things that like I was so happy I could do that for her.And I'm really so, because always when I say, oh, I love money so much, people, they think I'm materialistic or whatever.

They always see it as the bad things.But money really changed my family's life.And I really took away a lot of their problems because of it.So for me, money has been a really big blessing.And even helping other people.um girls that message me that are in bad situations like uh being able to help them and stuff you know like i don't understand that people demonize money so much when i really think that if you are

a good person without money, you'll be a better person with money.But if you are a bad person without money, you'll be worse, you know, because you'll abuse that power.But yeah, I really think it has been a blessing.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You know, if you're born into a poor family or a simple family financially, Unfortunately, poor houses speak of money as an evil.Rich houses speak of money as an asset or a resource.They're more comfortable to talk about money at lunch or in the living room.I wasn't brought up to speak positively about money.And then that builds a negative relationship and a perception to money.Money is a tool.

Something that my mother mentioned to us on her 60th birthday, She said, guys, don't buy me a gift, buy me a memory.So, you know, it's like you're taking your mom to Switzerland to enjoy nature for a week.You just use money to buy a memory.Without that money, if your mom is sick, who will take her to the hospital?You know, if your baby needs pampers, who's going to buy it?

With what?Yeah, very true.

With coupon?What are you going to do?So we should stop attacking money.It's not even a person.It's not even a personality.

It doesn't even exist.

You know, it's a resource.Use it.Use it for good or bad.Like you said, it matters who's the person who has that resource.I saw a video of your sister saying that she saw that your father was dragging you by the hair.

Yeah.

Is that true?

Yeah.

I don't know how many things am I supposed to think about.And I'm sorry that I'm reminding you of these things but I'm trying to paint a picture of this to the people.also.

Yeah, he would do these things, drag me by the hair.He would like, how do you say it, like stamp me?Yeah, stamp me in the face with his foot.But he would abuse everyone, my brothers too, me too.I always thought like, You know, he was abused by his mother when he was young.Like his mom was very, very evil too.

She had like a lot of scars on his head because of how much she used to beat him.And then he took that and he basically, when my mom used to tell him like, why are you beating your children?What are you doing?He used to say like, well, I got beat too.So he felt justified in what he did.

He was repeating.

Yeah.And I think a lot of people that are unhealed in their traumas or they take their trauma and they felt like something unfair was done to me, they almost become jealous of their children.So they try to sabotage their childhood or they try to like, you're gonna experience what I had to experience because why am I the only one that had to go through that?So then they traumatize their children.But I feel like you should look at it and be like, you want to give your child the childhood you never had.Like something beautiful, you know, you have a chance to even relive your own childhood with your child.

You're a very smart person.

Thank you.

You probably know that.I'm just telling you.

No, thank you.I appreciate that.

No, you are very sharp.Like you see things from a certain angle.Like what you just said, this is the first time I heard it and it makes a lot of sense how maybe a traumatized parent feels jealous of the children.of his children if they're safe and not having as much trauma.I've never thought of it that way.It makes a lot of sense.

That's fucked up, but it makes sense.You said seeing your disabled brother getting abused by your father was one of the most heartbreaking moments of your childhood.What happened?

These questions.I'm going to take it and I'm going to rip them.

We can burn it together after.

Let's burn it.

We attack them today and then we can fucking burn all of them.Because now maybe they're hidden somewhere here.Let's attack them.and we talk about them and you release them and then we burn all of these.

Okay.

Yeah.

So that was another instance where my older brother has like, he has polio.He can still walk on his own and all these things, but like mentally he is, he's very smart still, but he's kind of childish.I would say he has autism, very similar to like autistic people.And, um, he, So he doesn't remember things as sharp and all these things, you know, like his brain isn't the best.But my dad basically went somewhere with my older brother and he just suddenly, we were at home, we were in the apartment and we hear someone in the street screaming, crying, like outside.And we all like go to the window and we're like, what's happening?

Like people were looking outside.And then I see it's my brother, like my brother walking home crying.And like, then like we opened the door and my brother, like his shirt is ripped.He has like blood and all these things.And we're like, we're like, what happened?And basically, My dad, in the car, asked him to read Surah Al -Fatiha.

and he couldn't read it well.He was like, he doesn't remember and he was reading things wrong.So my dad beat him up for that.

And yeah, he just, yeah, he was standing at the door and...

You remember this?

Yeah.

And was he confused?

He was crying and it breaks my heart because like when he cries, it's like he's screaming, crying.

I just really don't understand how you can do that to someone.

And I'm very happy that I don't understand.But like, the injustice that I saw with my siblings and with my mom, I didn't even care ever about myself.Like what he was doing to me, I didn't even care.But seeing that, like, that really made me very, very angry.And that's one of the reasons that I will never speak to my dad again.Never.

Is he alive?

Yes, unfortunately.

You don't forgive him?

No.

You think they say that...I don't have the answer.Do you think that if you don't forgive, you suffer?

No.

Do you believe that idea?You know, the idea that you need to forgive?

No, honestly, I feel like you don't need to forgive everyone.You can just leave them where they are and that's it.Like, I don't need to think like, oh, like, we're all good now and whatever.Like, I don't need that.on without ever like if you die today that's a good day for me you know that's really how I feel some people I don't believe there's rehabilitation for them I don't believe that they can be fixed So, and I don't believe everyone deserves your forgiveness either.Like, I think this is such a glamorized idea, we should just forgive everyone and blah, blah, blah.

But I don't believe that's justified.And I believe some people that are a victim of that person, it's almost like you're pushing that on them.Like, you should forgive, you know?Oftentimes, even people, they tell me like, oh yeah, but he's your father.so he deserves to like you have to forgive him and he didn't know any better and blah blah blah but it's like that's not an excuse because if i today do the same thing to my child for example or if i go and i just abuse people and stuff like is uh am i allowed forgiveness should i expect that from people no you know I agree.Yeah, I just think they glamorize it.

Like, let's just forgive and forget.

It's easy to say.

It's very easy to say.

Let me see you do it.Let me see somebody rape your child and let's be cool with that.Exactly.

Like, just forgive, you know?

No, no.I think certain things, it might sound harsh, I think certain types of humans are just too evil and too broken that they're just not good for this planet.They're not.Like a pedophile.Am I supposed to be like, put him back into society and this guy is molesting or harassing or raping a child and destroying a whole future.And I'm supposed to be like, yeah, I should forgive that he just raped six kids in a fucking nursery.

Yeah, that's crazy.

How am I supposed to be okay?

But I feel like it's also people that haven't really experienced severe types of abuse that tell you, you should forgive.But like,go through it first.You go through it and you try.There's also this thing with, do you know Gypsy Rose Blanchard?So basically Gypsy Rose, she was a victim of Munchhausen by proxy.

It's basically where your parent, it was her mom in this case, she would make her ill.So she would like extract her teeth.She would like do all of these things and constantly go to the hospital with her.She would shave her head and pretend that she has chemo.And it's like this disease where they basically like keep you as a hostage and like abuse you and make you ill, but she basically took away her whole childhood.That girl didn't have a childhood.

She never had like, she always had her hair shaved, her teeth were gone.She was always doing like surgeries and always on this medication that she didn't need.She was a healthy child, but her mom was so mentally unwell that she did that to her.And then unfortunately, she ended up like, making her boyfriend stab her mom to death, which is horrible, a horrible thing to do.But what people don't understand, because a lot of people attack her for it, and they're like, you're a murderer, how dare you do that, all these things.But what people don't understand, when you live with an abusive parent, that is a danger to you, that is not your parent.

So many times, me and my brothers, when my dad used to travel, we used to pray that his plane would crash.Because if he was to die, then we were finally relieved of our suffering.And there was no other way out for us because we weren't allowed to call the police.We weren't allowed to do anything.So it was either this guy is one day going to kill us or he has to like go, you know.Obviously, you shouldn't go and murder people.

I don't agree with that.But can I understand, in a way, how she thought that that was her only way out?Yes, I can understand her.Do I think it's right?No.But from an abused child's perspective that has gone through that, do I get it?

I didn't know about the story.

Yeah.

I noticed in your videos, you don't refer to him as dad.You refer to him as my mother's husband.

Yeah.

Did you notice that?

Yeah.

Is it a conscious thing or you just say it like that?

No, it's conscious.I don't think he's a dad.I mean, in order to be a father, it's not just because you had sex with someone, now you have a child.That doesn't make you a father.A father shows up, a father protects their children, father provides for his family.That's a real father.

He's not a father.He's just a sperm cell, to be honest.

Husband.

Yeah.He couldn't even be a husband.

I read about a Mini Cooper story.

Oh, yeah.

Tell me about that one.

Oh, that was another thing where like, basically, I used to the last few years, which was like before I started my TikTok, actually, I worked in a restaurant.And so I was a really hard worker.I used to like, go to school, wake up 6am.I go to school until like 5 p .m., then I change clothes into my bar outfit that I have at a restaurant, and then I would drive to my work, and I would work there till like 1 a .

m., something like that.And then every time I used to come from work, because sometimes I was late because I had to overwork, my dad would beat me up because I was late home.But the issue was, if I didn't work,stay later and I don't want to finish my job, my boss was going to fire me and I needed money.So I was like in between two.

So I was like, okay, I'll accept the beating.At least I can keep my job, you know?But then it was like just at one point where I was like driving home again, so many missed calls, where are you, blah, blah.And I was driving home from work and he was standing at like the crossroads waiting for me to like beat me up again.So then he stepped into my car and he like starts yelling at me, like yelling all these things.And it's like, it's a small car.

Like my head, something just snapped.And I literally started seeing like black in front of my eyes and I just pressed on the gas pedal and I was literally like, I'm going to crash this boat into a tree.Because I literally thought at least my siblings can be done with him and I'm done with him.But then he got really scared.So he started like, let me out, let me out.And I couldn't see straight anymore.

But this is what people don't understand.You push people, you push people to their limits, and then they do something and everyone looks at that person and they're like, why did they do that?But it's like, they don't see all the things you did to them.They don't look at that.They only look at your reaction once you react.So that's why with abused children, it's very, very dangerous what these parents are doing.

Like, literally, some of these abused children become abusers themselves, like huge abusers, you know, and they do the same thing to like generations onwards.So it really needs to stop.Like, it's very, very dangerous.

And this is why I'm talking a lot about your childhood.So I hope you pardon me on that, because I'm sure people watching this, some of them arefacing abuse or they've seen it, at least seen it.And I do think parents are creating monsters.

They are, they are.

You know, when you see genocide in the world, when you see rape, when you see people with crazy, just killing people around the world, you're like, who does, who kills children?Yeah.For example.Yeah.But you have to rewind and you would probably find out they created a monster somewhere in the childhood.Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They created a psycho.

Yeah.

And it all starts at that foundation.And if, like you said, nobody's talking about it, nobody's bringing awareness to it, it's just gonna keep doing this.I had a very respected guest on AB Talks.We have a series called Untold Stories for not the famous people, but normal people with great stories or crazy stories, right?And she talked about being sexually harassed at nine years old by this guy, right?From their family.

and the way people attacked her.

Oh, always.I'm like, she's shocked.

Of course, there are a lot of girls that reach out to her and they're like, thank you, thank you, thank you.I'm sure you feel that, you get that.Thank you for speaking out.It made me stronger.It made me feel hope.That side is great.

Then there are the people that are like, shame on you.Why would you embarrass his family?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Then I'm like, are you actually justifying and shaming?The person who had so much courage to speak in front of a fucking camera about something that can affect her, affect her family, affect her reputation.It takes a lot.You need to respect and admire that because she didn't need to.She can stay quiet and I can't say anything.But they shamed her so much about it and I'm like, come on guys, this is why people abuse their state.

Yeah, of course, of course.

Because you're protecting them.

Yeah.I feel like, especially in my country,and like in these type of cultures, it's like the shame is on you if you talk about it because they are learned to like shut up.and don't speak about their abuse.And it's also so normalized.Beating your children in our culture is so normalized.

The fact that I even speak about this, they're like, yeah, but that's normal.Even men, they're like, yeah, my dad beat me, and that's normal.But it's like, why is this so normalized in our society?Because now we have people that become seriously mentally ill, or like you said, they do the same thing to other people, and then if we look back, we can always trace it back to something that had happened in childhood, because I don't believe a child is born evil, you know?I do believe that some mental illnesses you have when you're born, probably.But a lot of it is also nurture and how you raise the child and all these things.

So I'm like, especially in these type of cultures, they need to change this mindset.Like your child is not your punching bag.And especially like for the victims of this abuse, for these children, the shame is not with you.The shame is with your abuser.But oftentimes, even me myself, I told my friend, I was like, you know, I feel really ashamed when I speak about these things because I'm almost too vulnerable, and I feel like people can attack me there, you know?But then she told me, she was like, you know, Liz, like, even though you might feel ashamed, like, you make a lot of other people in the same situation feel seen.

And she said, and that's what you should do it for, and not for those people that are gonna use it against you, manipulate you, whatever, you know?So, yeah.But I do put myself in like a dangerous situation where people that watch my content, let's say like a guy, he watches my content, he realized, oh, she's been abused by her father, all these things, you know, and they want to manipulate me.It's very easy to play into that, you know?So, yeah.

But you're getting smarter.

Yeah, and now I am.Life is teaching me.

You said, so many you said, then you...Okay.One more you said.My life started when my father cheated on my mother.

Yes.

What did you mean?

So when I was 19 years old, my dad, he was always cheating on my mom, but like he finally cheated really good and he got another wife, you know?And my mom figured out he had a second wife.And he basically wanted to keep my mom and have a second wife.But at that point, my mom was like, I'm done.Like, leave, you know?And yeah, finally, when he left, we were allowed to have freedom.

So that was the first time I was allowed to travel, I was allowed to date, and it was like my life opened up all of a sudden from no freedom, now I have freedom.

So you left the house, all of you?

No, we didn't leave the house, but I started to travel, I started dating people.

So he doesn't have control because he's in another house?

He went to live in another country with his wife, so he started a new family.So it was like, wow, finally, like God heard our prayers.This guy is gone.Like even my brothers, everyone was very, very happy.Yeah.

How sad is it that you're happy that a father disappears rather than the opposite?Yeah.Usually a father disappears, their mother disappears.Like I miss them.I hope they're back.

Yeah.No, we had like the best, that was the best thing for us.It was very traumatizing as well.Cause like, you know, imagine you never really had freedom.and suddenly you get freedom like a culture shock yeah and you're like oh wow what do i do now you know my first thought was okay i can finally have social media now i need to make money because i wasn't allowed to have social mediabefore.

So then I immediately started social media and all these things.Thank God, everything went very well for me.

That's how you started The Wizard, Liz?

Yes, yes.

Why did you start it?

I started it because I wanted to make money.Like, honestly, that was the reason, because my mom, like, I needed to pay off her house.I needed to help her with money.So I knew that you can make a lot of money with social media.That's why I started.But I always also wanted to help people.

That has always been my goal.Like, I want to help people.I want to, like, make them believe in themselves more, to motivate them, all these things.And especially women, like, because I saw my mom struggle so much.And everyone in my culture, like, women are really seen as not worthy at all, honor killings, women are not valued at all.So I really wanted to awaken women to their power and who they really are.

And I really feel like if you are secure in yourself as a man, for example, you will not be threatened by a woman that wants to feel powerful or that wants to awaken other women, you know?Which is also, I have a lot of male followers that watch my content and they really like it.They always come up to me, they're like, I love your content.But then you have these other ones that obviously feel threatened because if your only power comes from putting someone else down, then you're not powerful.

You're probably an emotional dictator.

Yeah, yeah.

You said, I wanted to help women.

Yeah.

Who helped Liz?

I don't know.I feel like I helped myself a lot.

Are you trying to be to women what you needed to be for you?

Yeah.You know, I always think about this.I was like, if I was younger...I had The Wizard Liz, how much that would have helped me. I would have been my biggest fan.I would have watched every video, everything.Because seeing also someone talk about abuse and all these things so openly, I never saw that.

And especially, I feel like also in Muslim culture, it's so demonized to talk about these things because you have shame and all these honor and all these things.So seeing that, it would have broken a lot of stereotypes for me.And I feel like I would have been like, oh, I can accomplish that too.

The bigger question, is that actually Islamic or is it culture that is dressed with religion?

I do think religion influences culture, you know?So there is like a little bit of both, but I do think that, for example, if you look at Islam itself, I think a lot of things are very beautiful in the religion, I don't think that any religion or anything I can fully ever agree with.And I think also if you are truly an intelligent person, you can take criticism about anything.For example, if you look at spirituality, I don't agree with everything there, but I like it and I believe it.I think it's a beautiful way of life.But I think these people that, for example, they take a religion and they say, I am this religion.

And they are like a very religious person.They make that their character.Or you have someone that comes from a country, they're like the nationalist and they make that their character.But it's like, who are you outside of those things?Or people that take their sexuality and they're like, I'm this, this is my character.It's like, who are you without those things?

And a lot of these things you didn't even choose.It's like somebody who's tall.who brags that he stole them, and I'm like, you were born, it's not like you earned it.So even I feel sometimes there's a lot of, although I don't talk about religion in the show, but I'm talking now on a general scheme, I do believe there is religious racism where every religion thinks they're the chosen ones and everybody else is doomed.

And I'm like, To each their own.

Whatever you pray to makes you feel like a better person and you are a better person.Good for you.I'm happy with mine.I hope you're happy with yours.I don't need to... start to shame you or like, oh, you're a loser and I'm the winner.

Yeah.

Why does it have to be?I never understood.

I think that's the biggest ego, because I feel like people, they become like a lot of people, not all of them.They become religious and they're like, they have a bigger ego now.But it's like your ego should get smaller the closer you are to God.

If you're truly spiritual, you're like humans.

Yeah.

You're a nice person.You like animals, you treat people well, you have good manners.you don't look down onto people, like, oh, look at Liz, like, uh -huh.She's always, why are you looking down?Like, who gave you that authority to judge?If we say only God can judge, now why are you judging?

But it's so funny, because a lot of religions use that, and they're like, oh, but I'm advising, and I'm allowed to advise you.But it's like, no, you're judging.

That's entitlement.Like, how can I advise you?Because look, if we're going to talk about advising and judging, To do that, you automatically think I'm better.

Yeah.

If I have to advise you on how to run a business, I think I know your business better.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And you didn't maybe even ask me.But if you're like, Anas, I have an agency, how can I do an agency?I'm like, well, from my experience, this worked.I don't know if it's going to work for you, but it worked.You're like, oh, thanks.

Yeah.

But if I come to you with this high horse attitude, I already think I'm winning better than you, and I'm a better human than you.So that is against spirituality, against religiousness.because nobody has a guarantee.Nobody knows how do you seem to God.Are you a good person?Are you bad inside?

You look good on the society, but are you dirty on the inside?And we know a lot of examples.So this for me, I think, my mother simplified it earlier in my life.She said, your religion is between you and your creator, and it's a vertical line.It's this way.The channel is this way.

Liz and up.Your manners is this.So I don't mind whatever you want to do.It's your choice.There are people who pray to this.There are people who pray to this.

There are people who believe this.It's your personal choice.Why am I jumping?No, you don't go this way.It's your channel.I care how you come here, how you treat me, how you treat people.

Are you rude?Are you nice to me?Are you polite?Okay, that's what I care about.That's what affects me.But people don't, you know, they need to intrude.

At one point you said making money became an obsession for you.I think you explained it.But there's something that I want to bring up because it was extremely strong.You said something about, I don't want to say that, I'd rather you say it, you said something about band -aids.Do you remember?It's a bit old.

Yeah, I think I said that in a podcast.

Yeah, it was really nice.I can repeat it.You said, I couldn't heal my family, but at least I could afford a band -aid over their wounds.

Yeah.

That was so well said.Do you remember that?Why would you say that?

Well, I think like that was my reasoning.And I thought like money is going to fix at leasthere, you know And it did it fixed a lot.It took away a lot of stress a lot of problems Obviously money doesn't fix everything you know, but at the end of the day it was a tool that I could use to help my family and Yeah, I'm happy.

How's your mom's mental health now?

My mom is really good.Like she's a very positive person and So she goes through life being very positive.She's very much like me, actually.We're very much the same.People used to always call her a fairy, you know?But I do know that a lot of things have affected her, with the war, and then my dad, and then everything she went through.

I almost, you know, I had this thing where she came to visit me in the United States, and I was like, making TikToks and I was like making videos whatever and I saw my mom she was like standing in the corner and she was like looking at me and I felt like a sadness from her but not like as in like you know like she feels bad or whatever but it was like a sadness of like a life that she never got to live because she lived for her reputation and what she had to do and she had to be the wife and she never like got out of that abusive cycle and when I like catch the glimpse of that like I really like later I went to bed and I started crying because I thought like you know if there was a door I could walk out of and like they say if you walk out of this door you you will not exist like i will not exist but my mom gets to live the life that she wants i would walk out of that door immediately like it really hurt me to know that likenever got to live the life that she wanted.She never got to have the freedom that she wanted.And all because of what?Trying to be a good woman?Trying to show that other people will view you as a good woman or that you endure things or all these things, you know?

What did you live for?For culture?For societal approval?how many women are in situations right now that are living like this, that are just staying and staying because they are scared of what their family will say.They're scared of what society will say about them.But at the end of the day, you're going to be old tomorrow and you have lived your life for other people.

That's the saddest way to live your life.Seriously.Like, you know, I come from a culture, I told you this before, where it's like, I'm not allowed on social media.It's very dangerous for my life.I get death threats all the time.And I literally, when I was starting out, my family was telling me, Liz, if you do this, you're going to put us all in danger.

And they're like, you have to stop.You can't do social media.You have to stop.And I was doing my YouTube already then.And I literally told my siblings and my family, I was like, I would rather die than not live the life that I choose.And I meant that.

I was willing to die for this.And I still am.I really like, this is for me, not even about money anymore and all these things.I really feel like I have a purpose.and i really want to awaken people because i feel like so much fear is instilled in people and so much of like their own power is going away meanwhile they're they're not living all of them are not living and they don't even care to see what is really going on so i really want to awaken people tolike, hey, you can do this yourself.

You can change your life once you believe in yourself, once you stop giving all of your power away to all of these other things.Like how many, for example, woman do we have and she's like, her only goal in life is she has to get married and be a wife.What a sad way to live.Like, honestly, I think it's beautiful if that's what you wanna do.But just to be a wife to someone Like, who are you as a woman?You're so powerful.

You can accomplish anything you want and also still be a wife if that's what you wanna be, you know?But I feel like so many cultures just appreciate you as a woman or they put value on you when you are a wife of someone or when you are a mother of someone.But you are literally a creator.And I don't even understand how in society we told women to submit to the creation.When does the creator submit to the creation?That's not normal.

I think I'm really concerned with the way the world is.And I think everything is very backwards.And I think it's not even good for men, the way that the world is right now.Because, for example, We raise men without any boundaries.A lot of cultures raise men without any boundaries.We say, the woman has the honor of the family.

She needs to stay home.She can't go outside.You can't date.You can't do this.Blah, blah.You have to protect the honor.

OK.So we raise these young girls to become very mature from a very young age.What happens is they become like mothers from a young age.They become very self -disciplined and very emotionally intelligent.Then you have these boys.Oh, you do whatever you want.

They're not being raised.So they don't learn any skills.They just have no boundaries.They do whatever they want.So now you have women that are very mature at a young age and you have men that are like children and they're supposed to date and procreate.Relationships don't work because now you have a mother and child dynamic where the woman is oftentimes again having to reteach this boy still how to be a man.

And it's really because of the parents.Because at the end of the day, they always say like, oh yeah, but he's a man, he's a boy, like boys will be boys and whatever.It's like, no, you didn't teach your son boundaries.You didn't say, no, you can't just sleep around with everyone.No, you can't just go wherever you want.You also have a curfew, go home, all these things.

You don't teach them boundaries.So they become older and they just don't care about anything.It's not good for them.they don't have skills.Like it's really not good for these men.And that's why like the suicide rates for men are super high.

Like a lot of things, you can see they're not happy even themselves.

We come back to creating monsters.

Yeah.

You create a monster, the factory of a monster is the house.

Yeah.

And you can have a toxic human that you leave on this planet and you die.

Yeah.

Or a good human.There's a lot of double standards and Yeah, it's funny because, look, if you listen to a typical conversation, me and you are at an event and we're standing not next to each other and we start to have conversations, right?The man, I'll get a question like, oh, what do you do?Oh, that's fantastic.You do what you love.Okay, that's fine.

Let's take you.What do you do?Are you married?

Yeah.

And you're like, no.And you accomplish nothing.I hope one day.Bye bye.let's say you say yes i'm married yeah i'm like they have children you're like noSo suddenly your stock is going down in a most small talk event.

And the set of questions that get asked to a man are very different than the default set of questions that a woman gets asked.A man is judged on what position he does or what he does for a living, which is fine.But then why are you tying a woman's worth or value or success, she could be the greatest athlete.She's in the Olympics.As soon as she says she doesn't have love or marriage, stock goes down.What if she never found somebody good?

What if she doesn't like it?She doesn't like.Then, okay, let's say she's married.And then you say, oh, but you don't have kids.She's like, no.And you're like, hmm.

Now, what if she doesn't feel ready to be a parent?What if she doesn't like children?She doesn't like.She's one of those people that she's like, I don't want this.Why does everybody have to love to have kids?And why should I be now judged and assessed on being a mother?

Okay, I don't want to be a mother.You want me to be abusive mother?Absent mother?

Yeah, exactly.

So the set of, you said the world is backwards.

Yeah.

I believe we're asking the wrong questions.So I remember once I said the question to a lady named Pia on this show years back.And after the interview, she's like, thank you for asking it the way you asked.I'm like, I didn't, she's like, I'm like, what's your question?She goes, you said, you asked me, would you like to have children?I'm like, because me, it was natural.

I didn't think of it.She's like, you didn't say, do you have children?Are you going to have children?You said, would you like to have children?And then I thought of my question.I'm like, oh yeah, that's nicer.

You know, because maybe somebody doesn't want.

Exactly.

Why am I like, she doesn't want.Now I'm going to make you feel like, what if a woman can't have children?

Exactly.

Now I just reminded her, you can't, by the way.And she doesn't need to tell me I can't have children.It's very intrusive now.Yeah, yeah, yeah.it's the wrong question.So let's see, again, I'll shut up after this.

If we say, somebody, we ask Sarah, Sarah, are you married?She's like, yes, check.And I move on.The question is, are you happy?Because I didn't ask the right question.She just said, I'm married.

I'm like, check.But what if she's in the worst marriage?you know that's the right question do you feel good in your job yeah do you enjoy it not what do you do for a living i stopped asking sometimes i try i'm like what is something fun you're working on because if they don't go to work maybe they don't like their job and i'm reminding them so i'm like what is something fun in your life yeah what are you passionate about and if they say work yeah and if they don't say work they don't want to talk about work yeah exactly so if i talk about marrying like are you married and What if they don't want?

Yeah.

But if I'm like, oh, you know, you have someone in your life.No, I'm like, OK.And if they say yes, I'm like, OK, I hope you guys are having a healthy relationship.Are you happy?He makes you a better person.Those are the questions that actually matter.

I had a beautiful guest who's a divorce lawyer.

And he said, oh, I love him.

I know that guy.You have to watch the episode.And he goes, the question is, why do you want?He's like, I want to get married.Why?

Yeah.

You ask girls today, and guys, but maybe more girls, I would just want to find out.I'm like, why?

Yeah.

Because I want to have kids.Wrong.

Yeah.

Wrong answer.I want to get married to have kids so I don't care about a good man or the healthiest, compatible man. I want a means to a goal.

Yeah.

No.Why do you want to get married?I want to settle down.I don't want to spend so much on my life.OK, you'll have a rich guy, but what if he's a liar?

Yeah, true.

OK, he's rich.

Yeah.

But he's giving you stress.You can't sleep well.Horrible wrong wrong answers Yeah, I want to get married because I would love to share my life and get better and level up.Okay.Yeah now we're on to something Yeah, you're ready.

Mm -hmm.You know, I agree people are just like it's like a hamster wheel I feel like because it's like the humans love to control and You know?So it's like they want you to act a certain way and you have to act like they all act.Because imagine that someone cannot be their authentic self.and they put themselves in a box.And now they see you, you open that box and you just go be whoever you are.

Then I'm going to feel like, wait a minute, I spent just 20 years in this box for you to just open yours.No, no, no.Like get back in your box.So I'm going to shame you for your choices because they have to align with what I did.So we suffered together.Yeah.

You know, that's how they, that's really how a lot of people think.

I agree.Yeah.It wasn't over after your dad left.I read you had bulimia, anorexia, severe depression.This is after he left.Okay, how?

I really think like, cause you know, the thing that I had with my eating disorders, I was always very skinny growing up.Like I was actually bullied for being, looking anorexic.And then I tried to gain weight cause I was bullied so much, but then like I gained weight.I thought I looked really good, but then my mom said that I was fat.So then I was, but I was never really fat, but my mom said I was too big.So then I was like, oh, so now I should lose weight.

So my whole life, I was actually really like listening to other people and just doing what they want and how they want me to be.So then I could like, oh, okay, then I'm going to be liked, or then I'm going to fit in, you know?But that's specifically when I had bulimia and like my eating disorders after my dadleft, it was more so because I think I couldn't deal with the emotions that came after realizing everything that had happened.Because now I had to deal with 19 years of abuse that had happened and I wasn't ready to deal with that.And I think especially with the bulimia, with anorexia, where like I would go days without eating or sometimes I wouldn't even drink anything either.

And I thought like, you know, this is going to lead to suicide.And I wasn't trying to be skinny.I was trying to die, like actually.So I was like, I even had days where my mom would like come into the room and she would check if I was still breathing because I hadn't left my room in like two days maybe.Yeah, I just like, yeah, I remember like sometimes my heart would start like beating right before I went to bed and I was like, yeah, tonight is the night.Because I felt like suicide would be bad because it wasn't allowed in the religion.

So I thought this is an alternative.But I didn't die.

So now we don't have to do that again.

What shook you when you first remembered, like two minutes ago, when you first said, I was waiting to die.Your body shook for a moment.You remembered, I think.

Yeah, I think I just saw myself again, like in my bed, like how that felt.

Yeah.

Do you recognize that, Liz?

Yeah.

I feel very sad when I think about my younger selves.I also think that, you know, you're in athey never leave you, so they stay with you.

You said children, not child.

Yeah, so like different types.Let's say you have different types of traumas and you remember at different ages.Those are all these children.different personalities, because the more you grow up, you always are a different person.So like Liz at three years old, Liz at six years old, that's not the same person.These are all different personalities.

I think they never leave you.I think that's why it's very important to talk to yourself, talk to your inner children, because I think a lot of adults that are almost acting like crazy, or people say they're possessed, like something's wrong with them, I think it's their inner children conflicting with each other.I actually had a story about this, but I don't know if I can tell it.Okay, so I went on this spiritual journey.

In Peru?

Yes, yes.

And it was basically - You went to Peru with the shamans?

Yeah, with the shamans and everything.And basically, my intention was to heal my trauma.And suddenly, I saw a vision.And it was my dad.And I heard a voice say, Mourn the loss of your father.You never had a father.

You had an abuser." So then I was like, damn.And then I heard another voice say, mourn the loss of your childhood.Like, accept that you'll never have a childhood again.And then suddenly what happened is, I was like in third person, almost like my soul was here.I saw my body and I suddenly turned into my three year old self.

And like, it was such a crazy thing.So my three year old self,self is in my body, doesn't speak English, only speaks my homeland's language.And I start crying, bawling my eyes out.And she's crying, she's crying, and she keeps repeating in the language of her hometown, Liz never got love when she was younger, so Liz doesn't need love anymore.And she keeps repeating that.

And then I have like my hands are moving, and I'm not controlling this.My hand is moving over my head and someone is consoling her.But it's so weird.And they go like, you're safe now, you're safe now.It's not happening anymore, you're safe now.But it was my three -year -old inner child that came up.

And then after that, there was a 17 -year -old that came up.She had her own other issues.She speaks different languages.But then I realized our inner children are really inside of us.It's not like, oh, it's a metaphor, all these things.I think these personalities stay stuck.

And once you don't deal with them or you don't heal them, you start conflicting.And you become like an adult where you're lost.How are you acting?So it was a very interesting experience for me.And it was like, it was even crazier because like...The next day, so basically it was about my childhood and everything.

It was a very beautiful experience.But the next day I went to this cafe and I was sitting there at the restaurant with my sister and suddenly there's this lady in front of us and she starts live singing.She was singing and the sun was setting behind her.It was like a movie scene.And I was looking at her and she starts singing Adele, I don't know the song.but it's like, I knew this would be the last time, the last time, whatever.

And then like, mom and dad and this 12 year old girl come and they start dancing in front of us.And she's singing like, I knew this would be the last time.And it was almost like a whole metaphor and sign of like, mourn the loss of your childhood.Yes.And that's how I was like, you know, we get so many signs every day when we live, like we just have to watch out for them.Even if like a person comes to you, they say something to you and you're like, oh, damn, like, where did that come from?

Like maybe he was sent to you as a sign, you know, or you see these things or you even hear something on the radio, like, oh, wait a minute.

Good story.

Yeah.

When did it all change?You said blame gives your power away.Responsibility gives it back.So you just talked about this realization.You need to close certain chapters.You went through this bulimia, anorexia, depression, wanting to die.

When, when did that happen?Is it slowly?Is it like a sudden realization?

I just, I was honestly, this went on for quite a while until I realized like, how about I'm going to stop being a victim?Like, that's really like what I had in my head, like snap out of it.Because I was like, why are you victimizing yourself?Why are you feeling sorry for yourself?Then I was like, you know, maybe I do have control over my life.Maybe I do have control over my body.

And from that moment on, I just started slowly to like, I'm going to go on walks now and I'm going to try to talk to God.and like have conversations with God, like he's my best friend.And then I was like, I'm gonna try to start eating healthy again, because for me it was very important to break the cycle of my food addiction and the anorexia and whatever I had, because if you can do that, if you can break an addiction, you can control anything.Like, it's very hard to win something over your mind.If you can control your mind like that, you can do anything.So I knew that once I did that, I was on the right track.

Because also, it takes a lot of energy.Addictions take a lot of energy.All of your energy goes there.Meanwhile, if you are a person with an addictive personality, if you put it into something that's beneficial for you, you can be extremely successful.It's just where you're gonna direct your energy to.So then I decided, let me direct it into social media, let me do things that I love more, and all these things.

And that's when, honestly, everything started to flourish.When I decided I do not want to be a victim.Until this day.I don't want to be seen as a victim, because I feel like, just like, people are very comfortable, you know, in a victim mindset, because they feel like, oh, everyone feels sorry for me, and even some people will create situations where they are the victim, because then everyone can feel sorry for them, and that's how they receive love, or that's how they receive like, oh, everything will be fine, you know, whatever.But at the end of the day, does that really accomplish anything?No.

You're going to sit there, you're going to find more and more excuses as to why your life is bad and why you can't accomplish anything, and you won't accomplish anything.But for a lot of people, that is comfortable, and that is what they want.But for me, no.Because I knew that the more I am a victim, the more I'm giving my power away.If I, for example, say like, oh, I can't do this because my power is gone.me, then that means that my father had all the power and he doesn't, I have all the power.

Until this day, I have all the power.No matter what happens to me, I know that I have all the power.I can change the situation whenever I want and I will change the situation whenever I want.

Is that you talking to yourself?

Maybe, but I also, I really believe it.

Yeah.But sometimes we have to talk to ourselves, don't we?We need us to hear it.So we say things we want somebody to say to us, you know?

It's also like, you know, with the situation that happened with my ex and all these things, it's funny because when you were talking about like how they ask you about marriage and then they say like, oh no, like you failed if you didn't have a marriage or whatever.It's so crazy because with me it was like, I've been on social media for seven years now.I've been doing YouTube.I've been doing everything.Like I built this whole empire by myself.And then this guy comes in, he cheats on me, that's it.

Everyone, yeah, she failed.She failed, like, terrible.We shouldn't listen to her advice.Look at her.It's like, he cheated on her, so we should, like, cancel her, you know?It's so crazy that, like, this one guy, so irrelevant, to be honest, like, to the whole thing, you know, comes in and can just destroy that because people value a relationship more than they look at the whole person and everything, you know?

But even in that situation, everyone was like, oh, you should have kept that private.And I could have.I could have never shared it online, that he cheated.I could have never said anything about that.And people would, till this day, be like, oh, goals.You guys are so beautiful, blah, blah, you know?

And that's also what most people do.Most of these couples, they forgive each other.They just portray a nice image.And I get it.Because if you're truly honest on social media, they're gonna try to kill you.Like, they don't want that.

Like, people say they want authenticity, they want that, but they don't.They want you tofit into the image that they have created for you.And you have to perform like that, almost like a monkey, you know?Like, you do this.

I say people ask you, they tell you they love honesty until you're honest about them.

Exactly, exactly.

They don't like it.Yeah, then it's like, this is too far.It takes a lot.My therapist said something and he says, he doesn't compliment so much, but he said, you're one of my few people that really can take anything I tell you.Like, you don't get offended.

Yeah.

I'm like, okay, yeah, because I don't.Like, you can say, no, that's stupid.I'm like, oh, really?Tell me why.Because I respect him and I respect him.I don't get offended.

I'm like, no, no, I'm open to it.So I can take, I think because I'm at peace with my ego, I think, I know I'm flawed.

Yeah.

You know, you can tell me honestly, that looked really bad.I'm like, okay, maybe it did, you know.It's okay, it doesn't reduce my value.I made the mistakes.

I think that's very important, to be open to receiving criticism, all these things.But a lot of people are very stupid, I have to say.I think society in general, a lot of people are very stupid.That is what I find very annoying.But also because they're stupid, because, I mean, not stupid...It's by design.

Yeah, but also it's because, like, I think a lack of education, lack of traveling and meeting new cultures that also make you whatever.And also it's like they don't, they have a bubble and they don't leave the bubble.

Yeah, and they don't want you to leave the bubble.

Yeah, yeah.So it's like if you only surround yourself with a certain type of people, you're going to think this is how life is.But that's why I always encourage people to travel.

I just got such a stupid example.

What?

You know, it's like a culture that now they all like matcha and we're like, I don't like matcha.

You don't like matcha?Yeah, how dare you?

It's like a zombie apocalypse.Like you're uncool.

Yeah.

I don't like it.It's funny because all of us have to like it.You don't like this show?Oh my god.

That's it.You're done.

I can't believe you don't like it.You have to be comfortable saying you're different.

Yeah.

It's not easy.

That's why I really grew up wanting to always fit in and then at some point I realized No one wants to take me. I can't fit in anywhere.So I thought, you know what?I don't care anymore.I'm going to be my own person.And that's it.

And you'll fit with the right people.

But even then, I don't fit in.No one accepts me.

Really?

Often, even in the beginning of my career, they said I'm a closeted lesbian.So I thought, oh, maybe I fit in here.I look at the comments.They say, we don't claim her.I'm like, why?Why don't you claim me?

I would see that some people would want to be your friend.

No, I do think they want to be my friend, but I don't feel like there is any part that you can like, Oh, she's really, she belongs here.You know, I don't really, even with like, when people ask me, Oh, where are you from?All these things.I never really want to even speak about it because I'm like, it doesn't matter.Like I'm a person of the world, you know?

I think you belong nowhere and everywhere.

Yeah.

Something like that.

Yeah, exactly.That's so beautiful.

Okay.Do you hate your father?

No, I don't hate him.I just don't care about him.I think he's so irrelevant.

Do you understand why he did what he did?

No, I don't get it.I can see likeokay, you had this childhood and blah, blah, blah, all these things, but especially after having my own child, no.The fact that you would hurt a child, that you would beat a child, that you would beat disabled people, you're no, you're insane.

Did creating the wizard Liz heal Liz?

I do think so, yeah.

Okay.

I think my younger self would really think I'm cool.

That's cool.

Right?Would your younger self think you're cool?

I think yeah.

That's good.

I think he'd think I'm fucking cool.

Yeah, you are.

Yeah.And it's funny how you get shy when you compliment yourself.

Why?

I don't know, you tell me.You're like...Maybe I'm just a shy girl.I think you are.I think people don't know that you are.

Yeah.

But if somebody compliments you in your face, I think you don't know what to do with yourself.

Yeah.I'm like, I'm better at like giving to other people, giving them compliments.Yeah.Like receiving them a little awkward.

I could tell.What is a... or one of the biggest misconceptions about The Wizard List?

Honestly, it's like that I'm like that the craziest thing I heard is that I was a relationship coach and that I like teach women how to date rich men, you know?crazy.It just started when I got cheated on.All these people came online and she's like, she was a relationship coach and that's why she failed.And I was like, I was never a relationship coach at all.I just think like when people listen to me and like, for example, I say like, you know, your man should provide.

I'm not saying he should be arich man.Like, if a man is an Uber driver, but he's coming home and he's helping you and the family, that's a provider, you know?Like, if you have a rich man and he's not giving any money or he doesn't care about you guys, he's not rich to me.He's a broke guy, you know?

He's not a provider.

Yeah, he's not a provider.

Rich, but not a provider.

Exactly.So, like, that is not what I mean.But people here, Providers, they think, oh, he has to be rich.No, not at all.Like, even all the guys that I dated, I made more money than them.When I dated my ex before this one, in the beginning, like, I didn't have money.

And so he was, like, making good money, whatever.But then, like, six months into our relationship, my YouTube star, I started making, like, way more than him.But then also the relationship started shifting.I mean, we were together for a long time still.

Some people don't want you to be better.

He was uncomfortable.He told me that as well.He said, like, look, like, I don't like this.

At least he's honest.

Yeah, he was honest.

Yeah, I appreciate that.Because some people won't be honest about that, they'll start jabbing at you and bringing you down and you're like, why are you upset with me?You don't really know why.

I feel like my next relationship was like that.It was like a constant competition.I've really found it difficult with dating men after becoming successful because it's like either they see you as their competition or they're a gold digger.You know when they say that women are gold diggers?No, it's really men.If you take care of a woman, for example, she will love you, genuinely.

You take care of her, she will be so happy, she will give you so much more.But a man will fake his love, everything, just for money.Genuinely.

You don't think a woman would do that?

I don't think so.I mean, I think she would genuinely love the guy.

I think it goes both ways.

You think so?

Some women also are very materialistic and some men are very materialistic.But I feel like if a woman

is materialistic, don't you think she would still love him?

I don't know.I think some women are in certain marriages just because the guy is filthy rich.They're not even in love or they don't love the guy.

But then I also think, look, in those type of relationships, yeah, it's transactional.Don't you think the man also doesn't care?He probably knows, yeah.They're both cheating probably.So they're both like the same.Probably.

Yeah.Like they're both not looking for love, you know?

That's true.They're looking for money.

Yeah.

One knows that I can provide and this makes me feel powerful and the other one feels stable.

Yeah.But I think every relationship is transactional.Even the ones that are based on love.Even friendships.Yeah.Everything is transactional.

And we should not be, Shy to say that.Everything.And I think we should be open about it.You could say, this is my friend who I like to go shopping with.This is my friend who makes me laugh when I'm feeling like shit.

Or like, oh, you make me feel less lonely.Oh, you make me feel like this.Everything is like a transaction, you know.And I think a lot of people, they're like, oh, it's just love and only love.Only love, you will not survive.You need loyalty, you need respect.

Love will never be enough.

I agree.

I really believe that someone can love you, and they can also cheat on you, I believe this.There's people that are polygamous, for example, and they say, but I really love the person, but I also sleep with other people.I do believe they love the person.I don't believe they're capable of being loyal, which for me, loyalty is more important.Loyalty is more important than love.If I have someone, of course, love is a chemical, it's very beautiful, all these things, but oftentimes, love wears out.

And it's not always.You're not crazy in love every day, you know?But I feel like if you have loyalty, and this person is going to protect me, they're going to be there for me, and they're going to respect me, I feel like that is the key.can be consistent.

You know what's interesting?There was a fan account that made a compilation video recently of me asking different females on the show, what does love mean to you?That's a question I like to ask.And I think it was maybe eight women in the video.I think six said aman.Aman means safety.

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

Six out of eight women said aman.Love is safety.I want to feel safe.Her nervous system feels safe.She feels safe.He's reliable.

He's a backbone.He provides.I think that's very sexy when a man can provide, like you said, at any level.He's reliable.He makes you feel like he has your back.I think women love that.

Makes your nervous system...I said something in both languages before.When a woman is truly in love, she feels like a little girl, like a princess.No matter how masculine of an energy she has outside, at home she's a little girl.And the same goes for a man.A man who feels truly in love, he feels like a little naughty boy at home, pranking you or laughing at you, silly.

Women should understand that that's him really loving you, he's so comfortable, and vice versa.If a woman feels like, she's spoiled next to you, she's cuddly, you should know that she feels good around you.But if she's stern and tough with you and she's trying to bash heads with you, there's something off.You don't make her feel safe or she doesn't know how to, she's in the wrong dynamic probably.

Yeah, exactly.And I think especially in my position where people try to cancel you and your reputation, all these things.The people around you should be very loyal because they have to protect you, you know.And I feel like in a previous relationship that I had, it was like my address gets leaked where I live, and this person, they do it on accident.And all my privacy suddenly constantly being online, and you're allowing these people to attack me and come closer to me on a personal level.And I feel like if you truly love me or you care about me, you would protect my privacy.

And that was the one thing that I really like.looked for and it was like, I just want to feel safe.

Who are you attracting, Liz?

I know, horrible.

No, horrible.We need to work on it.

We need to, like, stop.Just stop.

If we learn, you evolve.If you don't learn, like these people that keep repeating patterns, that's a problem.

I know.

I think it's okay to go through an affair and then learn.Like you got cheated on, you learn.You got through emotional abuse, you relearn.But if you keep going to it, then you're not learning.Something is..

.No, I feel like...I only had, like, two really serious relationships, you know?And, like, my last one really opened my eyes.Like, and I feel like after that, now I'm gonna, but also I hate the fact that you constantly have to watch out for signs and, oh, oh, he says this, oh, okay, I need to do this.And it's like, whoa, calm down.

Like, when can we ever enjoy all these things?Because now it's turning into all these mind games that you have to play.And who has time for that?

I don't want to do that.I can't stand games.Yeah.I already know that I'm in the wrong place of the earth.I already have enough stress in my life.Yeah, me too.

I even hate it when it's like, oh, don't text too fast.I'm like, just be straightforward.I don't have time for this.

If I find this meme, I'll send it to you about who has time for waiting to text.

Yeah, exactly.That's when too much ego is involved.Even after my previous relationship, I still don't want to do all of that.I have to play mind games now, I have to be careful of this and that.At the end of the day, If a person wants to cheat, if they want to do it, they're going to do it anyways.You can't control that.

No.

The only thing you can control is your reaction.Will you deal with it or will you not deal with it?That's it.So I don't want to control anyone.Do what you want to do.

On the polygamy point, I think it was an interesting point.And I do think sometimes both genders could be biologically polygamous.Yeah.Because they're based on desire.

Yeah.

Maybe I'll make a weird comparison, but I'll make it.It's kind of like your stomach, when it's hungry, it can eat anything.It can eat junk food, it can eat chocolate, it can eat salmon, it can eat healthy.Technically, you can eat anything because you desire food, you're hungry.Should you eat everything?

Yeah, exactly.

And I think women are a bit, of course, they're different wiring than men.Men are probably more simplistic in this.But do you jump on everything or you say, I love this woman, she's good to me, she loves my friends, she's been with me in thick and thin, does my desire want everything?Probably, you're a creature.But do you go to it?That's the discipline and that's the boundary you put.

You don't go replying and messaging to every girl and you're committed to someone.So that's where I think people are not talking about the discipline of a relationship.You know, because if he's just going to go over your feelings, when he upsets you, you're going to go message your ex.

Yeah, exactly.Should you do that?No.Yeah.

Because there's respect, there is, you will not get hurt.like, I'm thinking in Arabic, you should never, how do you say it in English?

Say it in Arabic.

You're so dear to me that I would not accept it on you, even if I'm pissed off at you.You're too dear for me to hurt you.behind your back yeah you're too dear and if your girl is your lover and your best friend or your close friend and your partner i think it makes it very hard to break that heart yeah but if it's just the mother of my kids or my wife i think it's the the relationship is too thin yeah you need a strong exactly but see that's where loyalty comes in because i am like when i'm in love i'm like that's it i'm gonna die with you like i'm literally that kind of person yeah i guess i could see that yeah i love very hard that's why like when these things happen i'm very hurt because i was like i would not do that to you you know you wouldn't yeah not everybody's you yeah that's true that's what like a therapist told me she's like you need to stop thinking that yeah because we We judge things with our glasses, how we see the world.So when somebody does something we wouldn't be like, I can't believe it.If somebody doesn't hug or love dogs and you love dogs, you're like, I can't believe it.Because you're looking at it from, you know, but that's only one perspective.

That's true.

Do you practice everything you preach?

Well, I've talked about a lot of things.So I don't know if, you know, one thing with my previous relationship, After he cheated on me, I immediately broke off our relationship.But then when I was pregnant, I thought to myself, okay, but my child still needs his father.And I would never take away a parent from their child.ever.

Unless he's abusive, you know, whatever.

So I thought in that moment, okay, so he cheated on me, but you know, some men cheat on women, but they're good with their children, they're good fathers still, you know.So I thought, you know what, he really wanted to be a father, he was begging me, let me please be a father, let me prove myself.So I was like, okay, fine.So then I was thinking, Okay, so my cats were in the United States, everything was already there.And then like, I was like, okay, where do I move to?Because if I move back to Dubai, it's 18 hour flight for him, he will not be able to be present for his child.

So I was like, okay, you know what, let me just move to the United States, my stuff is there anyways, gonna move there, and whatever, we can co -parent for our child.But when I moved to the United States, I walked into a trap.And he just completely like, yeah, trapped me there.And he was like, I stayed so long there for my child, and I completely abandoned myself and everything I believed in for my child.And that's something I always used to think I would never do.But once you become a mother, there's nothing you wouldn't do for your child.

So I was in a situation where I was paying for everything.This guy is just living in my house.I'm scared to kick him out because anytime I would say like, he would do anything, he would basically say like, I'm gonna call ICE on you or I'm gonna get you deported, you know?So I was scared if I get deported, I can't be with my child.So I was just like sticking around, mentally abusive, abusive in every way.And I was literally like, oh my God, like, I'm literally repeating what my mother has done.

I'm in the same situation right now.And I was like, what do I do?And I literally came to a point wherecould see everything, but it was like I couldn't move.My body couldn't move anymore.So it's like my soul watching everything that's happening, but my body's just not cooperating anymore, and I was done.

Also, I gave birth.I'm postpartum.I'm working my ass off.I'm taking care of my child.It was just too much for me.And I remember, that's actually, you know what I used to always say?

Nobody's coming to save you.That's what I used to always say.because I felt like no one had ever saved me. I had to save myself, you know.But my sister, she actually came all the way from Belgium.She flew to the United States because my mom had came to visit and she saw the state that I was in.And she said, Sabina, you have to go.

Like your sister's actually in trouble.And my sister came.And I remember that's the first time where I realized, yeah, somebody came to save me.And it was my sister because she looked at me and she, She told me, Liz, you're going to pack your stuff and you're going to leave.And she said, I don't care what you leave behind, but you're not going to live like this.And I told her, like, you don't understand.

You're not a mother.You don't feel what I feel.You don't get it.Blah, blah.And she said, Liz, our mom has already gone through this.She said, I will be damned if you go through this as well.

And that was like everything just switched for me.In that moment, I was like, I have to leave.If I stay any longer, I don't think I will survive.I was even developing rashes all over my body from the immense stress I was in every day.But then obviously when I left the country, then my visa got denied, I thought I was going to go back in and I had my own house by then, so we could do 50 -50 custody.but my visa got denied.

So then he had been keeping the child from me because he thought like, if I abandon him, I'm abandoning my child.So it's like a package deal.If I want my child, I have to take him, but I don't want.But now I'm like, I'm working with lawyers.

I'm assuming there are a lot of rights in America for you to...

I mean, yeah.I mean, I am in a...It should be really good.Like, let's see.It's like I already spent like $50 ,000 on lawyers, which is...

I didn't get anything out of it.So I hate the fact of like just throwing money in the garbage bin, you know.You can donate that money.You can help people without...Like, why do I do this?But like now, like there's another way that I could try, which obviously I'm going to do.

Yeah, I really love my child, so I want to be with my child.But I do believe if a man is blackmailing you with your child, you shouldn't even fight for it.I really believe that.

How?What do you mean?

Like, for example, when he is constantly blackmailing me, right?

Don't fall for it.

Yeah, don't fall for any blackmail.If someone tells you, like, oh, if you don't listen to me, I'm going to leak your nudes.Oh, I'm going to do this.Do it.Because the only power these people have over you is that you are scared.That's it.

And that's the same thing with my dad.We were scared of him.That's the only power he had.Once my brother even started growing up, and my brother does a Thai box, and he started going head to head with my dad and trying to fight him.And he started getting scared.And you know what he told my mom then?

He's like, yeah, I got a second wife because the children don't respect me anymore.No, the children are not scared of you.anymore.And that's why it wasn't interesting for him anymore to even be there.

He combines fear with respect.

Yes.

And that's two different things.

Yes.

Respect is when you leave the house, how we talk about you.That's respect.If I'm afraid of you, as soon as you come, I'm a good boy.Okay, leave, I have a party.That's respect.Even on the weekend in high school, I could have a house party, but I'm like, I wouldn't want to disappoint my family.

Not out of fear, out of love, out of respect.I don't want to disappoint my family.I would not do that.

So yeah, to your question, I feel like deciding to still go to the United States after he cheated on me was me not following my advice.But at the same time, because I never had a father, and that was so damaging for me, I didn't want to do that to my child.But yeah, the biggest price I ever paid was falling in love with someone.I've never paid a price this big.

You paid it, that's it.It's a souvenir though.

Yeah, true.But I want to get my souvenir.I think you would.You know what's crazy?This is another thing.Women go through childbirth.

Women go through everything.And this man can just keep the child.Like, I don't understand how, like, they can have, like, equal rights and that.I don't get it because they don't go through anything.Like, I really believe if men could get pregnant and if men could, like, literally have children, they would be walking around, like, on this planet acting like they're gods.I really believe that we would have to give offerings at their feet.

I swear to God, they would act like they're gods.Men have really a lot of standards for women.

Some of them without the skin, they're already acting like it.

Already without that, they're literally portraying themselves as gods.

Look, I'm not saying this to appeal to females.I truly believe this.There's no more powerful creature on this planet than a good woman.

Yeah, I really believe that too.

No more.I truly believe a woman makes the house right or wrong.A house with no good woman has no soul.

Yeah, very true.

Everybody, the father can be there, we're all there.Let the woman leave, no soul.That beautiful glue that keeps us together is the woman.And she makes the next generation.The father, we come, I do believe we're important, but not as important.How many great personalities have come out of great women, single, versus how many came from a single dad.

I think I would bet, I don't have the statistic, but I would bet on a single mom, they would come out more successful usually.I think I'm a father of two, and I think, I'm divorced, but I do think I'm important at a later stage more than at an early stage.Now they're my buddies, and we play football, and it's different.But can I undermine how important my ex -wife?Never.They're great boys mainly because of her.

I was present but my presence has nothing to do with the woman.Same as my mother.Without her?

I think that's so important.If you have men that acknowledge that and don't feel intimidated by it.Like, and yeah, that's a big issue.I also feel like mothers are not appreciated in society because they don't appreciate themselves.Like, they just go through childbirth and, oh my God, my childbirth was traumatizing.Like, I almost lost my life.

The doctor literally told me, because I had an emergency C -section, and he was like, do you have a will?And I was like, whoa, wait a minute, I didn't know you could die?I thought this was all rainbow and sunshine.And then I was like, damn, I need to quickly give my sister the pin code to my bank account, because I might not come out of the room.So every woman that has given birth, you stand between death and life, and they act like, oh, I ate breakfast.It's the same thing as eating breakfast.

But if a man was doing that, oh, dear Lord, you would have parades every week for these men.

Why do you think so many women connect to you?

I honestly think it's because probably they went through the same things.And also, I think it's just refreshing to see someone bring up things that they might feel still ashamed about.Like, that's why I would love to see myself when I was younger, because I would be like, I'm so ashamed to talk about this, but she can do it.And she dares to say it.Like, for example, I had this speech in Oxford University.I don't think they're ever gonna release it.

But okay, anyways, I did this speech about female empowerment.And after I was done, all of these women came to me and they said, you finally said what I never dared to say.What I just think, but I never dared to say it.And I think that resonates with a lot of women.Because also people think like, oh, I'm just a man -hater, you know?No, I'm not a man -hater.

I don't care at all about men.I don't care about women.Honestly, I realize I hate everyone.I just, I don't discriminate in my hate.I think like both genders have flaws, you know, like whatever.

I'll just correct something and I might be wrong.I don't think you hate, I think you're disappointed.

I am disappointed.But you know, it's just like, everyone thinks like, oh, if you're standing up for women, that means you like all women.But that's also not true because a lot of women are the reason for a lot of women's misery.A lot of women get bullied by other women or they lose their life because of another woman.And they need to be held accountable the same way you hold accountable a toxic man, for example.So yeah, I just think that's just society.

I just think after my situation with the whole cheating and stuff, I started to, because before I was like, all women are good.And like, that's it.But then I started to realize like, damn, there's flaws in both genders.You know, there was like this Marina Abramovich, do you know her?Okay, she's like this, she does art.She makes art and she's like very special.

I like her a lot.People think she's a witch and they hate her and whatever, but she also came from an abused childhood.So I understand her art.But maybe she's also a witch, who cares?Anyway.

It's her hobby.She's flying on a boat somewhere.

That's what she does in her free time.I don't care.She had this art piece and it's on YouTube.She was standing and she basically had like roses, knife, whatever.You could take anything.And she said like, you can do anything to me as you choose to the public.

And there were like men in the public and women.So people started, they started drawing on her body, they started giving her a rose, giving her chocolate, whatever.And then as time progressed, they started getting more aggressive and aggressive.People started cutting her clothes.men started touching her breasts, whatever, all these things.She wouldn't move.

And then they started getting really aggressive.Someone cut her in the neck really bad, all these things.But afterwards, she said, you know, I realized one thing.the men, they would come up and they would do whatever they wanted to me as time progressed.But she said, but the women were as bad, but they were hypocrite about it.Because they were in the men's ears and they would tell them what they should do to her.

But they wouldn't go themselves.They would let the men do it.And I think, honestly, we live in a society where a lot of women are ruling.And I even believe we can even say like, it could be a matriarchy.Because A lot of these men are in power, but you will also have women in their ear.And that's what people are not looking at.

In a lot of even families, the woman is ruling the household, but the man is just the one acting out.So I think you have to be careful of both genders, especially if you are a successful woman.You have to be very, very careful because they're going to hit you at both angles.

This is an interesting conversation overall.That's one we talked about.How did it feel being four months pregnant with the love of your life, as you thought?

Yeah.

Then you find out he's cheating.

I honestly, my whole world collapsed.But you know, it's crazy.

Yeah.I read that you said that it was too good to be true, that there was always something in you feeling.

Exactly.I was going to say that.So my intuitionsince the beginning, was like screaming at me. I always was like, he's a cheater, he's a cheater.And I don't know why, I just had intuitively that feeling.And I used to always tell my sister, because she was also always around us.

And I always tell her, I think he's a cheater, but she was like, are you insane?She's like, he's always with you.Even if I told him go to the United States, go be with your family, leave me alone, because he was annoying a little bit, you know, too much.But he wouldn't leave.He would not go.So my sister was like, if he was cheating, he would want to go because he wants to do whatever, you know?

Good point.

And then I was like, yeah, you're right.And she was like, Liz, you're self -sabotaging because of trauma and blah, blah.And I was like, yeah, you're probably right.He's not.But it wouldn't leave this nudge that I had.And I remember I kept telling him throughout our relationship, I would rather have you leave me than betray me. I said, if you ever have the feeling that you want to cheat or betray me, just leave me.

Don't do that to me.But he heard that and he said, oh, that's exactly what I'm going to do to you.So he basically like went.And when I like, oh, before that, I was, I remember I was in Dubai and he went to Dallas for like one week or so after we had spent like three months together in Switzerland.I was in Dubai to like collect some last of my stuff.And I remember I was sleeping and suddenly I have a dream and my dreams are very vivid.

If I dream something, it happens.So I had a dream and in that dream he was with another girl, he was cheating on me and I told him like, what are you doing?And I told the girl, what are you guys doing?And then the girl looked at me, she was like confused.She's like, why are you upset?And then he was manipulating me in the dream to think that this was normal.

And then I was like, what is going on?And then I remember I texted him and I faced him.him.I'm like, are you cheating on me?I had this dream.I was like, it's very weird this night.

And he's like, you're crazy.You're crazy.You're crazy.I was like, yeah, I don't know.Then what happened for my birthday, we went to London.So we met up in London and suddenly like I'm sleeping next to him.

I get the same exact dream.But this time, I wake up from the dream with heartbreak.Like, my heart felt broken, like it had actually happened.So I wake him up, I said, like, Landon, this is the second time I dreamt this.I said, are you cheating on me?I have the exact same dream.

And he's like, no, you're crazy.Are you insane?And then like, my sister was also there.My sister is always there.And I was like, so he's like, Sabina, he's like, your sister is insane.Your sister is crazy.

Look what she's saying again.And I said, I said to her, I had this dream twice.Now I woke up with heartbreak.There's no way.And I said, Liz, don't, don't, blah, blah.Okay, whatever.

We went to walk and I was in a park with my sister.I said, Sabina, it doesn't feel right.It doesn't feel right.She said, Liz, okay, listen, let's pray to God.Let's pray together and we're gonna ask God now to reveal the truth.I said, okay.

So we prayed together.We said, God, please reveal the truth about these dreams.We said, don't just give us dreams, give us exact evidence.So then what happened, three days later, I leave to like go to Belgium.I had to wait there before I went to the United States.I go to Belgium, I'm sitting, and this girl had messaged my friend.

And she basically had like, I have some evidence about your fiance.She had found my friend who has like no followers, so she could reach me.And then I told Sabina this, oh, but you know what was even crazier?I was like, I was like,to bed a day before, and I was researching for my Oxford speech, all these things about feminism, all these things.And suddenly, whilst I'm going to bed, this place really started hurting, which is like your third eye, intuition, started really hurting.

And I was thinking, hmm, this is a sign, this is weird, why is this hurting?What am I gonna find out?And then I went to sleep, I wake up from it and a mosquito had bit me right here.Again, on my third eye.And I was like, something is about to happen.Like something is very weird.

Then what happens?I wake up the next day, I get those messages, my friend gets those messages, I told her, like, ask her what it is.And I told Sabina, Sabina said, oh, it's probably nothing, you know, probably from something before.Because even then, we couldn't believe it.Because this guy, I swear, he needs to go to Hollywood.Give him an Oscar right now.

The way he played himself, insane.I've never seen something like this.So then we're sitting in the car, and you know, it was time change, whatever.And the girl, she wakes up, whatever, she sends the messages that he sent, and he's saying like, yeah, are you in Dallas?He's trying to meet up with her, you know?And he's telling her like, yeah, that this was just like an internet long distance relationship.

Internet long distance, but I'm pregnant.

I was not aware, okay?But then like, basically, literally when I found that out, No, my heart dropped into my stomach.I was shocked.I started crying immediately.I was shocked.I literally thought I was going to miscarry my child.

Because the two days after I couldn't sleep, I didn't eat.I was shocked.And then, yeah, I just confronted him and he was like, I'm so sorry.Then afterwards he told me he had been cheating on me since December.We got engaged in September.

How is that even possible?

But honestly, that made me, that, I needed that.I really needed that hurt because that just awakened something in me, like the fire and passion that I had.it like awakened.And also I started caring less about everything because I cared like too much and I was like starting to get too shy even to speak or to do whatever.And he just awakened me.And I'm like, actually, I'm very, very happy this happened.

I needed this.

Really?

Yeah, I genuinely am.I needed this.

You need more hurt in your life?

No, I just needed this because it woke me up.It did something inside of me where I was like, oh, wow.

And do you still believe in love?

Yes, I do.

Okay.Yeah.It's a good start.

Yeah.You know, I think I'm too delusional.

No, I know people who, I know it's like, I could be very skeptical.

Yeah.

Because I see a lot of trash relationships and miserable relationships, not necessarily toxic, just not good ones.But I know some people with good marriages, few.

Yeah.

But they're good.

Yes.

Do I say it's impossible?No.Do I say it's rare?Yes.But because I don't want to say roommate kind of marriage.I don't want to say like boring, miserable, because there's too many of those.

I mean healthy, like they laugh a lot.They like each other.That's nice.And I like to talk about the word like more than love, because I think like is more important than love and I'll explain why.If I love you, I love you true.It's a big, big emotion.

Yeah.

And I'm devoted to you, but it's very, conditional on our relationship.If we stop, I will stop loving you and I'll move on.But if I like you, I like you as a human, I like you whether you're with me or not.I'm a fan.I'm like, she's fucking cool.Good for her.

She started a business.Good.She has kids.I'm so happy, because I like you.So I think we undermine how important it is to like the person you're with, not just love them.

I feel like you should be like best friends.

Today, in today's modern age, I don't think it works otherwise.

And that is also the most fun, because you support each other, you grow together, that's really nice.

So I think it's good that you still have hope.What does love mean to you today, after all that you've learned?

Honestly, love just means having fun together.I really think now in a relationship, I'm looking just to have fun and just enjoy life.It's almost like I came so far, I accomplished so much, I just want to enjoy life now.I don't want to keep going through lessons.I just want to really start enjoying my life.And I feel like having a partner to do that with is a lot of fun.

So I think that's what love is.

Has becoming a mother changed you?

Yes, a lot.I think it made me way more confident.

Really?

Yeah, like very, very, also very more, like, fierce.Because, like, the instinct and the thing you feel over your child, it's like, don't play with me now.You know, like, I may look nice, but I'm not that nice.I still have my father's DNA in me when it comes to my child.

If you were to see your son tomorrow, what would you do?

Oh my God, I would be so happy.I would first close my doors, get security guards so no one steals him again.Yeah.Oh my God, stop.I would eat him.I love him so much.

When was the last time you saw him in front of you?

I think the 26th of April.So it's been almost three months now.Yeah, that's very, it's also not good for his brain, you know?Like, it's so, for me, this is so selfish to do, because you and me don't work out, he shouldn't suffer, you know?I'm his mother, he needs his mother, it's an infant.But you know, at the end of the day, I was thinking about it.

Imagine that, like, I was not in his life anymore, and okay, I say, when he's 12 years old, he can decide for himself where he wants to live.I was thinking, when I was younger, I was always thinking to myself, I hope, this is so crazy, but I was always thinking I hope I'm adopted somewhere and these adopted parents are rich.

Are rich?

Thinking like they're gonna ask for me back at any moment.So I'm thinking like, if I were to never see him until he stops, he's gonna grow up like, you know, financially struggling, but then he realized I'm a rich mother.So he's living my dream.

That's strange.A lot of shit repeats in your life, huh?

Yeah, actually.But anyways, I will get him.No way I can keep it till 12.No way.

What's the biggest lie you were ever told as a child?

That's a good question.The biggest lie?

I was told a lot of lies.

The biggest lie that I was told was like if I was to live the way that I wanted and freedom that I was gonna get killed.Like that was what like everyone told me like you're gonna die, you're gonna die, you're gonna die.

That's a big lie.

But yeah.You're like, damn.

That's a big one for a child.

No, but that was always the case.But then, you know what I realized?Once you break a boundary that other people were not more afraid to break because they think you're going to die, then you realize, oh, wait, it wasn't that scary.And then these people also move there.So that's why it's so important.Like people, they think like, you know, if I want to make an impact, I need to make a big impact.

I need to do worldwide.Well, you don't need to.You as a woman, for example, if you are living your best life, you just choose yourself, you don't accept abuse, whatever, you are inspiring your little niece, you are inspiring even your little cousin, whatever.All these people are looking at you, they're inspired by you just living your best life.So I feel like what you create or whatever, people only think about you.when it's worldwide, but it's always valuable, even if it's in your own family, even if it's something so small, even if it's something that just makes you happy, like it's valuable.

That's true.

If you just wake up and you're happy to live your life, I think that's a good life.Whatever you do, if you are happy, like, you know what, overall, not every day, but overall, you're like, you know, my life is good.I'm happy I have this life.It's a good life.

If you could meet your mother when she was young, what would you tell her?

I would tell her to never get married.

Then you wouldn't exist.

I would still say that.

Yeah, you said you would even give your life for her to have a chance.Do you act confident or are you confident?

I honestly am confident, but it looks insecure even saying that.No, it doesn't happen.It's weird to say, yeah, I am confident.

I think I'm confident, but I think confidence also has departments.Like I could be confident on a bicycle, but if you put me on a skateboard, I'm not so confident.So I think confidence is like that.I could be a good public speaker, but maybe bad in something else.

I think my confidence was built through my own skills and through accomplishing things for myself.So I think because of that, I'm very confident in what I have done and in who I have came out to be.I'm very proud of myself, you know?And I think like, yeah, in that way I am confident.But if you tell me tomorrow to like, yeah, drive a rocket ship, I don't know how to do that.

I wouldn't be on that rocket ship.

You would be right next to me.

What is an unforgivable accident?

An unforgivable action?

For you.

I honestly think betrayal.

I felt you're gonna say betrayal.

Yeah.

It's one of your childhood wounds.

Yeah, maybe even a past life wound, I don't know.Like this betrayal since I was young, didn't like it.

How's your relationship with money today?

Good.I love money.

Okay, it's healthy.

Yeah, and money loves me. I hope so.We love each other.And just honestly, look, I did come to a point where I started going live with my sister, okay?And we have these lives where we basically say what men say, but the female version.Now, this is very controversial for social media.And I've had a lot of brands that are like, we don't wanna work with you or we're gonna have to put the brand deals on hold, which is like my main source of income.

But you know, I was sitting and I was thinking like, I don't care.Like, I don't even care about the money anymore because if I want to truly make an impact, And if I truly want things to change, then I have to focus more on that than I focus on money.Because at the end of the day, I'm good.I'm stable, whatever.I have whatever I need.

But I really believe opportunities will anyways come.

Because if it's written for you, it will come no matter what you do.If you're meant to have it, you will have it.There is no need to stress.But I just feel like money shouldn't be your only driving force if you're trying to create change in the world.Because change is controversial.and you're going to be scrutinized and brands want to just protect their brands, you know, they don't care for your change.

And your relationship with food today, how was it?

Oh yeah, I healed that already years ago.Foodie?No, I love food.No, actually I'm gay.weight.I'm gaining weight.

I've been like eating more, so I gain weight.

But healthy, I hope.

Yeah, it's very healthy.Like ever since I diverted.

One cheeseburger per week is no problem.

No, every day I eat cheeseburgers.I'm actually trying to gain weight, like seriously.So I was like, but look, for example, when I had the eating disorders and my energy was going there, I wasn't, like, accomplishing anything.But now, when I, like, diverted the energy into my business, that's blooming.And I don't even care about, like, the food or whatever calories.I never look at it anymore.

But everyone was also telling me, like, after the pregnancy, how are you so amazing?How are you so beautiful?

Here you go again, you compliment yourself.You don't know how to sit in one place.

I have ADHD, OK?

No, you don't just don't accept compliments.

No, it's because no, they were like, how, how, what's your workout routine?Just be with a crazy baby daddy.You will not gain weight.

If you could delete one memory from your mind, what would you delete?

I think it would probably be about my disabled brother coming home.

Yeah, that was, when I asked you, it was hard on you.

Yeah, I just...

Although the other stories also were difficult.

You know, I just really always felt very protective about oppressed people.And I always used to look at my brother because his foot is sideways a little bit.And when he walks, How do you say it?

Yeah, like he has a limp.

So like, how can you hurt someone like that?Like you hurt, if you hurt children, if you hurt like disabled people.or like people that are oppressed, like that's so sad, you're evil.And to see that is very evil.

It's not something like anyone wants to see.

No.If women could only learn one thing from you, what would you teach them?

I would tell them focus on your career and work and money.Focus on that.Because I genuinely A lot of women, they think like, okay, I'm just going to go into a relationship with a man where he has money, he's going to provide for me, whatever.But a lot of women are stuck in relationships like that where they get abused and they have no financial freedom.If you are in a woman, if you're a woman in a world today, you need money and anyone needs money.No one should rely on anyone.

You know, even a man, you shouldn't rely on a woman either.Like if you look at my ex, for example, he went back to the old lifestyle he had after I just left because I was like, I'm done with this.But imagine that your lifestyle relies on someone else or their emotions.You're completely controlled by them.So instead of pouring all of this energy into Again, I need to be a wife, I need to be a mother, this and that.Make sure you're stable first.

Make sure that if anyone leaves your life, you still have yourself and you still have your resources.That's the most important thing.I keep telling, if I didn't have money today, my situation would be so bad, so bad.The reason I'm still laughing is because I have money, truly.Because a lot of women, they get their children taken, can't even go to court, can't afford it.So they have to give up their child.

Now they don't have a place to live.So it's really the world will treat you unfair.You need stability.Stability is the most important thing.Money also gives you a lot of freedom.So they should focus on their careers, focus on your money.

Like it's very, very important.It's not as simple as that.but have your stability.

What is the biggest mistake women make after a heartbreak?

Honestly, I feel like they just make it too much about the other person.And like, oh yeah, he hurt me.There's something wrong with me because he doesn't want me.But you have to ask yourself, do you even want him?Like, do you want a cheater?Do you want an abuser?

No, you don't, you know?Realistically, you don't.But your ego is hurt right now.Because you think, even this type of man doesn't want me?Like, that's what you think, you know?But it's like, you should realize, like, it was never about him or you or whatever.

Even if women get cheated on, they think, oh, I was not good enough.I should change myself, and then he would want me.No, a cheater will cheat on anyone.It doesn't matter who you are, you know?So I think they should, instead of focusing on that, focus on yourself.Like, how do you want to love yourself more?

How do you want to pour into yourself?How do you want to rebuild yourself?And once you pour the energy into yourself, you will become a person that doesn't even care about this person anymore.You will forget them.You'll be like, who is this, you know?And it's also so beautiful because people always think like, oh, you went through heartbreak, you failed.

You got cheated on, you failed.But no, you just evolved.You went through struggle, you learned a lesson from it, right?So you take the lesson.

Some don't learn.

Yeah, okay, but you should learn.You take the lesson, and then you move on.And now you are in a different reality, where that person doesn't even exist anymore.

I'm in your domain now.What is something people, because I know you talk about manifestation, what is something people misunderstand about manifestation?

Well, they think it's like woo -woo magic, like all these things, but it's not.It's like very simple.Like, I feel like,manifestation is manipulation of energy.So wherever you direct your energy, it's what will come into your life.We could even say, I was so scared of betrayal my whole life.

I might have attracted it.

Or you attracted somebody who doesn't.

Yeah, because how powerful do you become if you face your fears?So if my biggest fear was getting betrayed, and now I had to face them.I became more powerful now.I care even less.I feel more confident after that happened.So I feel like with manifestation, they think it's writing a thousand times someone's name.

No, that's crazy.I mean, you can also do that.Maybe that also works.I don't know.But I feel like it's more how you position your mind, what you think about on a daily basis, what you engage with, who you allow around you.Because a lot of people allow all these people that don't have good intentions with them, or they belittle them, they make them feel smaller.

Well, that's who you are going to be.Because that's what they're pouring into you, and you're accepting it.Meanwhile, you can say, you know, this is not what I deserve.I deserve better.And then your reality changes.

What would you tell a woman who knows she should leave, but she still loves him?

Well, you know, sometimes people give the advice of stay until you hate the person.I think this works if he's not abusive, because some women can, like, lose their life over this, you know?So if you want to stay until you absolutely hate the person, that's on you, you know?But if he's genuinely abusive, I would say, like, ask yourself, is this truly love?Or have you deprived yourself of love so much that you will accept breadcrumbs?

I would maybe rather lose all my memories.

When I die?

I mean, I think a small amount.I think a lot of people would be sad.But honestly, I don't think anyone should be sad because I don't think earth is our home.I think like we have a body, we rent this body, but we have a soul.And I think like our soul goes back home.And I think it's beautiful there.

I mean, it doesn't mean that you should like not go, you know, I'm not encouraging that.But I think when it's your time to come, I think it's so beautiful.And I really, I think like that is going back home.

Give me the AB Talks card game.I'll ask Heathrow.

Okay.

Who do you miss right this minute?

Again?

Be open.

My sister.

Oh really?

Yeah, I miss her so much.She's in Dallas.

Okay.

She's with my baby.

So she has a visa?

Huh?Yeah, she can go in.

How come you don't have a visa?

Because it's like, I was once sent away at the LAX airport, and normally you get an ESTA, like you can go in and out.And because I was sent away once, ever since I couldn't get the ESTA anymore, and now if I want to apply for the ESTA or like the B2 visa, then they need to show that I don't have immigration intent.But because I have a child, obviously, they will not give it to me, so.

Tell me, Liz, are you scared?

No, I used to be very scared.When I was younger, Very scared.I grew up with so much fear inside of me.And then I remember one time, my mom brought me to this psychic guy and he was doing terror readings.And I was very young.And he told me, you know, he said, if you let go of the fear that you have, you will become extremely successful.

And he said, I don't even want to say how successful because I want to be realistic.But he says you will be extremely successful.And I never understood what he meant until now.I get it.Yeah.

How old were you?

13.I didn't even know what he meant.I thought I didn't have fears, but I was so scared of everything.

So you're not scared now?

No.I feel like it's getting better and better and better.

If, strangely, your father is outside this door when we're done.

Oh no, I'm so scared.

What would you tell him?

To leave me alone.

You're still scared of him?

I wouldn't want to see him.I think he's frightening.Even if I show you a picture, you'll say that's a scary person.

You can tell there's something wrong with him in the energy.

So you wouldn't tell him anything?

No.

Just to leave me alone.leave me alone, that's all I have.

Did he try to get in touch with you?

Yeah, he always threatened to kill me when I was on social media.He was going to kill me.His friends were sending me death threats.

What's the best memory of your life so far?

The best memory was when I gave birth to my child.

Oh, it was a good one.Yeah.

Honestly, I was shocked.Like, I couldn't believe it.Because you know how they say, like, when you are a father, You first, you realize like, oh my God, there's a child.Like you're shocked.But I had that.I was like, what?

Like, how did this just come out of my stomach?Like, what was this?I was shocked.It was like an alien.But then I was like, oh my God, it was so hard.But at the same time, you just see one smile.

Oh my God, that's it.I'm done.I'm done.This is worth it.Anything you want, you get.My sister was like, she was sending, she was showing me on FaceTime.

He was like, doing something with his toys and it was like drumming sound and i was like okay done we're investing in a drumming career whatever you want you go girly

you think of your child.

Yeah, I love my child so much.

If, God forbid, you didn't live long, you didn't get to live long, what would be so important for you that your son would remember about his mother?

It would be that I was a powerful woman and that I was a fighter because I think it would inspire him and remind him of his strength.and that he would understand that women are powerful.You know, even the reason that I left when I did was because I didn't want my son to grow up and think it's okay to treat women like this.Or I didn't want him to grow up and think that women will stay if you treat them like this.Because a lot of parents, what they do is they stay together for the children, they're abusing each other, but then the children grow up to stay together for the children.You're creating cycles of abuse, you know?

You have to set an example that this is not how you treat women.And a woman will leave if you do this.

Is he a good looking boy?

He's so handsome.I will show you pictures.He's so handsome.Mashallah, very handsome.Looks like me, of course.

Well, I hope at least your ex is a good father.You said so.

Yeah, I mean, I just feel like it's a child raising a child.I feel like it's immaturity, you know.

I think a truly good father like he claims to be you know the child belongs with his mother you know yes you have to be responsible so but other than that yeah if I could take Liz's heart with everything you told me today mm -hmm with the good and bad and trauma and the scared girl before and better now.And I take the heart and I place it outside.What would your heart tell you?

Probably that I'm tired.I think my heart is also so tired.Like, give me a break.Yeah.I think like when you constantly have to be strong and you constantly have to go through things and then it gets better and then another thing, it's exhausting.

Do you think you're addicted to the chaos and the drama?

No, but I do think that I thrive in it.I think I thrive best in survival mode, because that's all I've known.So once a situation repeats where, again, I have to survive, I'm the best at it.

That's why you said, I thank him for that.

Yeah, because it awakened me again.

And does that mean if I bring Liz and she finds love and she settles down, or without love, you just settle down and you're calm and there's no drama, no intensity, would you need that again to revive you?

I don't think so.I just want a fun relationship.I just want to have fun.I want to laugh and stuff.That's also good for me. I don't need to have drama, all these things.

Some people say what they want but they don't really want it.

They keep attracting.yeah yeah yeah yeah no no because you know my relationship before was very calm okay very very calm and it lasted a long time but then it ended horrible you know why how did it end no you don't i don't want to say we said everything already this one i cannot say it was not good from your side or from his side i don't know his side but let's just say we fought elbow uh very bad Have you been in touch after?He reached out, but no.You know, it's also like when you change, when you move on from someone, you just never see them again.Because he used to live like five minutes from me, and never I saw him again.

Wow.

Yeah.It's like they don't exist in your reality anymore.

In the simulation, they don't exist anymore.

Like they get removed.

Last question before I say a few things.Liz in one word?

I think strong.

strong.You believe this?

Yeah.

Yeah, I think you are.So what I wanted to say is at the beginning of the interview, you said, I'm numb.I think you're the opposite of numb.I think you're so sensitive that it freaks you out.

Yeah.

But you'd like to say that you're numb because it's like a bandage or a cover, right?And I want to say that don'tbe afraid to feel.It's a beautiful thing about you.You have feelings.You can still feel life.

You can still feel pain.You can still laugh.You can still feel joy.It's quite a blessing that you can still feel.So don't say that you're numb.Not allowed anymore.

That makes a lot of sense, actually.

And the other thing I was thinking about One thing I was thinking about is that I think you will see your son.

Yeah?