Harper's Mom Exposes Her!

What's the worst thing Harper's ever done?

Last year we were going to her grandmother's lake house. And so grandma's rule, which she had told Harper, no one can drive the side by side unless you're 16. We get to the lake house and within one minute, Harper's gone. I call Harper up and I'm like, get back here right now.

The thing is like, yeah, my mom's like, don't do this. Don't do that.

But like, I'm a woman mom. I do remember my mom sent me to timeout and it was in the guest bedroom and I went into the guest bedroom closet and I started writing on everything I hate my mom I hate my mom.

No you didn't say I hate my mom you wrote mom and then you wrote frowny face. Australia tickets for our world tour are officially on sale on the website VLLpodcast.net get your Australia tickets now they officially just went live so go get them before they sell out also we are going on a world tour so we are also going to be coming to Toronto this week then we're gonna be hitting st. Louis Cincinnati, Los Angeles

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Welcome to the episode today we have Harper would you like to introduce your

spares? Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Harper! She keeps trying to rub boogers on me! It's not a booger, it's mascara that I started wearing today! No one wants your mascara either! Why would you rub mascara on me? I like your lip color today. Mine? Really? Yeah. Is it not too dark dark. I know I like it. I slept in this makeup

Harper is there any questions you would like to ask our very special guest today. No, you can ask anything you ever want

You're gonna make our guest walk off

The other day. The other day, Harper was filming a video and her mom was helping her and then mid-video, Harper bit her. She did.

Don't know why she did that.

She puts me through a lot, but.

Yeah, we just hear, ah!

And we look over and Harper's like, We've known since day one that we were in trouble. Let me just send y'all a quick photo. Oh, bitch.

This is a, she sent this to me before.

This is on a Harper's Bazaar picture.

Oh, I mean, that's a drama, that's AI. Oh, that's not real.

That's AI.

Look at her red head.

It is not AI.

There's no way.

I mean, that is a drama queen in the making right there.

Wait, did y'all put her in that position?

No, so we went to one of those, you know.

No way.

We went to one of those like, you know, cheap photo places. There was, there used to be one in our town and they put her little arm behind her, but then she did the rest herself. And I have cracked up ever since

that I've had a picture of that in our bedroom because every time I get sad,

I can just look at that picture.

And it makes me laugh.

That's like the perfect bathroom picture too. You just hanging in the bathroom.

No, like I don't have that picture of a baby in my bathroom.

Not even like.

Would y'all like one of Harper?

Yeah.

You can show that. It looks like a GIF you send. Nah, it does kind of, but it also looks like those baby calendars like in Hobby Lobby. Like it'd just be a calendar.

Wait, no, we need to get a blog up version.

Like this is January.

Stop it.

Harper.

No.

They're laughing now, but after the podcast,

I'll add things on.

Please, what is she doing?

Harper, what are you doing? Harper, what are you doing? She's running off on you. Are we going to have to move Harper?

Mav, get in the middle.

Separate the women.

Yeah.

Oh, OK.

Kim, oh, Mav.

You're done. Bow to the middle. Don't touch me.

Rub boogers on Mav.

It's not a booger.

It's practically eye boogers. Rub it on anything else. That's the only thing I rub on people. What? What? What? No, but-

We need a blown up version of that picture in the bathroom of the studio one day.

I know.

It's so funny.

I feel like everybody can see what we were in for,

like just by looking at that picture.

You got one picture.

Oh, we should switch that to your profile picture.

Yeah.

Exactly. That should be our, we should upload a banner to our YouTube, our YouTube profile picture or our YouTube banner. That should just be a picture of all of us as babies. And we just edit all of us into one of them.

My friend has this picture of her where she's literally that age. She's like baby, baby with a diaper on, barely any hair. And she's standing up like this. She has a chicken wing in her arm.

A chicken wing.

A lot of sass. She's just like eating a chicken wing. She's just so funny.

Sassy.

I love it.

Little Hannah Montana baby.

Yeah, well if you couldn't tell what this episode is, Harper's mom is going to be exposing everything about her. So spill.

Oh, and look, wait, there's another one.

Bronwyn sent another picture in the chat. Oh, Harper got a shy-sty on. What the? I feel like this is just a good representation of what we were dealing with too. I think she has about three. She's got like some tights on her head. She has my Baylor shirt on that my grandmother made me years ago. And then she's got her favorite pink skirt on

that she wore every day.

Aw.

Pink skirt.

So I'm a little concerned about how that- I have a favorite pink skirt too, Harper. I'm concerned how that shirt fit you.

And Harper.

And Harper at four.

Yeah, no.

No, mom, we're wondering how did-

How did it, how'd that shirt fit me? No, it was like my shirt when I was a little girl. My grandmother made that for me. Got you, got you. That's so cute. It had a little Baylor trilogy. Harper, you have an opportunity here.

This episode's supposed to be Harper's mom exposing Harper.

I look insane, mom.

But you could expose mom. Yeah, you got any funny moments?

I'm trying to think. My mom is a pretty good mom.

She's like a momager.

She's a momager. She's trying to be nice so she doesn't get exposed. That's what she's doing.

Did I want to be a momager?

No, she got thrown into being a momager.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And she's also the LOL podcast travel tour agent.

She's the LOL podcast.

I am the travel agent.

And she doesn't get paid.

I'm living the dream.

You should pay her, Harper.

Yeah. I've actually wanted to be a travel agent before because I love planning travel, but... Not anymore.

You changed your mind.

I don't know.

I don't know that this is what I was dreaming of, but it's fun.

It's still fun.

Veronica books all the hotels and airplanes for the tour. And rental cars. And rental cars and parking and all that stuff.

And on top of that, she's Harper's mom.

That's just what, wait, what? Those two things combined.

No, that's just what being a mom is.

It's booking flights.

It's booking flights.

I don't think that the average mom books flights

for her daughter's podcast world tour.

Yeah.

Happy to do it.

Yeah, oh, well thank you.

Good girl. No, back to the momager thing. Good girl. Back to the momager thing, I just wanna make it clear. Like, I am only supporting my child in what she wants to do, just like I would support her older sister,

or I do support her older sister in like volleyball or going to college or whatever.

And, oh, what?

Yeah, I'm with you, Harper. Behind the scenes, she's like, Harper, film.

No, she is not.

If anything, she's like, Harper, film. No, she is not. If anything, she's like, Harper, if you don't want to make videos, then stop.

Yeah.

And then Harper gives a nonverbal response and bites her.

Yeah.

Then I get bit.

Yeah.

Then I get bit.

Yeah.

When did I bite you?

Oh yeah, we were doing a video. I looked over and she's like smacking your head because you're like, she's like, but she was filming a video for you.

I know. And then I started biting her because I got upset.

Do we have the video of Noah from the Anazola family holding on to everyone?

I don't know if we do or not, but we were pranking Mila, the little sister who's like, how old is she? Like seven.

Yeah, she's six or seven.

How old is Noah? I think he's four. Four. And we're pranking the little sister and everyone's getting loud in the house and kind of yelling, and Noah, the four-year-old, just freaks out and jumps on the dad's leg

and starts biting his ankles.

He's like, ah!

That is a perfect representation of Harper.

Harper's 16.

Harper's doing that at 16.

Yeah. He is adorable. Something we often say though about Harper is we're like, she's unlike any other 16-year-old girl we know. Like you have another daughter that is, is Reese 18?

Yes.

Yeah.

Yeah. Was Reese anything like Harper at 16?

No.

No.

I mean a little bit, but yeah, Harper has always been.

Harper's contemplating life right now.

We're just talking to Harper like she's not even here.

Yeah.

What? We're talking to Harper like she's not even here. Yeah, what? Yeah, just like at the barber shop.

Yeah, oh.

Oh, you wanna bring that up?

Oh, you wanna bring the barber shop up? Listen, when I say to my barber, don't got nothing to do with you, okay?

For reference, Harper texted me at 1 a.m. last night.

I did.

I think this could be a whole episode.

Oh yeah.

I see a thumbnail. Harper texted me and she said I heard Cash and Mav were talking bad about me at the barbershop today haha sad face. Which first of all I'm ashamed Mav weren't talking bad about you I could see I could understand it. I say Cash and Mav. Yeah, me and Mav. Jay said Cash and Mav. I mean, that's just- Which we weren't even in the barbershop together.

No, they went at, Cash went at 10 a.m. and Mav went at 5 p.m.

And then, I don't know how Harper heard this through the grapevine, apparently, that we're talking smack about her at her local barbershop. hey, what did we talk about yesterday?" And the guy goes, accountant. I just couldn't believe we got caught, honestly. And then, Harper's like, did we say anything about Harper?

He goes, not us. And now, we think Harper believes us. I don't know.

Like she like halfway believes us. I think she wants to believe

we were like talking about her something.

You were low-key excited, weren't you? She was trying to start drama. She was. Apparently. I got him now. Apparently, according to the people through the grapevine, Cash and Maverick think Harper is a terrible kid and we don't like her on the podcast.

And they're only using me to make money.

And, well, yeah, no, that pretty much sums it up.

No.

No.

I wouldn't let her participate if that was the case. Yeah, yeah, if you are a bad kid you wouldn't give me back And she only makes us money That's basically what I heard and so I was pretty mad so then I text the Kate and in a joking manner

And I think he was joking because then I called you and you didn't answer me And then I texted you and you didn't text me back in the morning. Were you asleep? No, I called her this morning I like 10 a.m. Yeah, I was asleep. Oh, right. But then but then if I if I check my messages, I'm pretty sure. Let me see.

Oh, yeah. I texted you.

What did you say? I was still asleep.

I said I sent her a gif. Like me talking bad about you. Here's the gossip blah blah blah blah blah Me and Mav at the barber shop And then I said I'm just kidding I don't know

I don't know where you heard this from but don't believe it

No, I said, I don't know what you your friends are telling you But I promise you your name never came up. You are not the center of everyone's world. That is a crazy line.

Did you say that?

That line has come out of my mouth a few times. Yes, no, it comes out of her mouth like every day.

I don't know, apparently I make everything about myself.

And then she never answered.

Main character.

Yeah.

And then you never answered. Not all the time.

And then earlier today I texted you a thing about the podcast and you said, okay, so you just ignored my first message this morning. I told Harper last night, I was like, hey, you need to be home at 1030 this morning because we had like three things to do before we came here. And she texts me at 1030 and she's like, hey, I'll be there at 11. And then so this is probably the same not there, had to ping her phone. I do a find my iPhone ping. And then she's like, hello?

And yeah, so you didn't get home till 11.30.

She fell back asleep.

Is that what we were supposed to be here this morning?

No.

Were we supposed to be here?

No.

Okay. You were talking about something, or maybe that was yesterday. I don't think so. You were talking about something or maybe that was yesterday.

I don't know.

I don't know. I was tripped up.

Either way, I don't wake up to anything except for that I find my iPhone ping. One time my sister, am I allowed to say this?

No.

Okay.

No, never mind then.

I just can't believe that my barber opened his mouth, I'm coming for you. No, honestly, like you thought that low of us.

Even now, do you, cause we had a whole conversation with Harper about it. Do you believe now that they weren't talking about you? I'm trying to make myself believe that they weren't.

What the?

Harper, you have to know.

At this point I might as well.

They would say it straight to your face.

This is my barber's conversation. I called him and said, hey, what did we talk about yesterday? He said, accountants. And then I was like, okay, that's all I needed to know.

Bonus depreciation.

Hang up and he goes, maybe.

Maybe what you're looking for.

I'm like, no, barber. I thought I could read that. And then he's like, not us, LOL. I know, and Harrison and Mason were talking. Are you speaking English? Yeah, Mav, what? Well, I didn't know if I was going to say that name, and then I was like, I'll just bleep it out, I guess.

Yeah.

I mean, I didn't make a word of what you said. Well, I started reading it out loud, and I was like, I'm probably stupid. The only thing you could hear were the names.

You couldn't hear what you were actually saying. Yeah, he was like trying to prove to me. I was sitting on the couch and I was all mad. And I was like, yeah, call him, whatever.

And then he called him and then I was like surprised.

I was like, oh.

Oh, but you know, your sources are bad when the person comes to you and says, you can't tell them that I told you this though.

And also your sources are bad when they say

this 30 year old man was talking about, no, he wasn't. I told the guy that told me, I said, there's no way that my own podcast hosts people that are way older than me were talking bad about me.

Like they're all adults.

Yeah.

Adultage.

Is that what you said? I don't think that's what you said. I don't think that's what happened.

What do you think I said?

Yeah, of course they were. You said they weren't saying anything and he was like, that's just what I heard. This is what I heard. I'm at work

I'm at work right now. I'm at work. Shut up. That's kate's impression of any man, by the way

Anytime she refers to something I said, that's the same voice she uses

That's how they speak are you you are you coming home today? I don't know what to do without you. Like that's what it sounds like.

I say that?

They all sound like that.

I say that.

Oh and I was in the car on the way here and I called him and I was like, hey I really don't think that this happened.

And he was like, whatever I told you not to tell them, bye.

That's why I took the phone.

Because it was made up.

Nah but you know what is real or stretched at least. Yeah. Gossip at hair salons. I hear dude when I get my hair dye and all the women are in there talking to you, I hear

some crazy things. I feel like hairdressers are all like therapists. People sit in that chair and they just spill it. I feel like I've told my hairdresser things that I don't

tell my best friend. You know, like you just feel like it's a safe space. I know it just comes out when you're there. My favorite thing is whenever, um, because the lady that does our hair, she like makes content too. So she has her phone set up on a tripod recording the whole time. My favorite thing is when she walks over, stops the camera, and moves the tripod like five feet back. And she's like, okay, so, we got everything else in the bag. And you can get all of it at TLOLpodcast.net.

Oh!

I know, I'm always eavesdropping into the people next to me and I'm like, no he did not.

No.

Yeah.

Yeah, Cash acts like he's not listening. He has his AirPods in, but he doesn't have anything playing. He's listening to all the drama. Your mom sent another photo in the group chat.

Chill on the photo.

Another one?

I'm a little, I just wanna know what's going on here.

What?

I don't remember.

Did you draw a mole on?

She did draw a mole on.

So Harper went through this phase where she would get home from school. Thought she was in the mafia? Yeah, no, she would get home from school and she'd run upstairs and she would disappear and I didn't know what she was doing and then all of a sudden the doorbell would ring. The doorbell?

Yes, and I'd go and answer the door and there would be Harper dressed like this or something else and she'd be like, hello, my name is Jessica from England. And I was like, what?

Tell me more Jessica.

I'd be like, hi Jessica, what are you doing here? What would you say, Harper? You'd like go into.

Go on, tell us what you said.

Yeah, I don't remember.

I don't think someone named Jessica from England would be dressed like that.

Is that your dad's jacket?

Yes, yes. No, yeah, I don't know, I was kind of a weird kid growing up, but now I'm all like emo.

Wait, mom, have you like?

What makes you think you're emo?

Well, mom, am I? No.

No.

I don't think emo is the word. I think you like to pretend sometimes.

I know, I feel like your style is.

Just like when you were Jessica.

I feel like you're still figuring out your style. Yeah, she likes to play characters. Yeah I'm 16 years old. I'm not playing characters

How how's it a phase you know one time I dyed my hair bright blue and it wasn't a phase either

Oh, you were playing a character Weren't you I got called blueberry head and then I never dyed it again. Well, I get called red hot chili head,

so no, I'm dying my hair black now.

That's a long nickname.

Only Cash calls you that, no one else.

No, I get called carrot top,

even though the top of the carrots are green,

I don't know.

Yeah, that doesn't really make any sense.

Yeah, I know. You're so different. What? You're so different. I'm gonna send y'all another.

I love the creativity, honestly, Harper, you should start posting TikToks like that.

I'm gonna send y'all another one, this one's even better. One night, she was upstairs and then she came downstairs looking like this. And this is amazing.

Oh.

What was her name? How did you do this?

Wait, this is a TikTok trend. Is that a cloud?

Was it? Sky and like a rainbow?

It was, it was like a rainbow and a cloud.

That's kind of impressive.

And she did all of that herself. Like I couldn't believe, I was like, is this some sort of mask? Like how did you do this? And she did that herself. That's impressive, I didn't watch any. I used to watch James Charles all the time, though.

That's what my James Charles palette. That is kind of a James Charles palette.

Yeah. No, no.

I did it with the James Charles palette. Oh, you did?

Who are you supposed to be here?

I try to be kind of a performer. But this isn't an interview about me.

It's an interview about you, Mom.

No.

So stop sending photos.

No, no, the episode is Mom Exposes Harper.

Yeah, this is not exposing.

This is just showing my weird phases. I hate that word. It's not a word you wanna be picked up with. Harper, she's speaking life into you right now, just accept it. That's right. No, we loved it. Harper kept us entertained at all times. This picture I just took.

Harper, don't worry, there's another one.

We took a lot of family vacations growing up

and we would go hiking a lot.

Dude, she looks despicable.

Harper. when we take her outside. Harper was always our tour guide and she would go into different characters.

Oh yeah, my name was Yesica Mamisagama Eliochule in that one. Yes, that was the name.

That was the tour guide, she was, tell them that again.

Yesica Mamisagama Eliochule.

You remember it? There's no way

you remember that. Yeah, I do.

Oh yeah, she played this character on a lot of hikes. Hello folks, my name is Jessica Melicia, whatever. Jessica Melicia Omolachele. And then she'd be like, follow me. And she was a real bossy tour guide.

And she just walks off the cliff. Where y'all at here?

Yosemite? We're in Yellowstone.

Yellowstone?

Oh my gosh.

Wait, do you still do that, Harper?

No.

Why?

Yeah, I never seen these characters. I didn't really do that because I always wanted to be in front of the line. Yeah.

And my OCD was really bad.

Oh, you wanted to be line leader?

Yes.

Okay, so everybody follow me.

Everybody follow me.

No, yeah, it was fun.

She would also be another character called Jessica from the lobby.

The lobby.

Oh yeah.

Like as like the lobby?

No, not Jessica. What was her name, Glinda? I don't remember.

Oh, you had these.

Deborah, Deborah.

Deborah, Deborah. Tell them, just go ahead.

How often do you get in these?

Give them, give them.

Because your mom remembers their names

and their locations.

Did Jessica show up like every other day?

I remember I was-

She showed up in- I was at my musical theater thing. And cause I was like always acting at my church. And so I would turn into these characters. And I remember my friend Addy, not Addy that's my best friend now, but another Addy. She came up with this girl named Deborah from the lobby.

And she was like, you're under way is in the fridge or something.

My lobby is a free like hotel.

Like a hotel lobby.

And she pretty like, like a hotel. Like a hotel lobby. Okay. And she's like,

Harmon, I don't know how to speak in it anymore.

It's like. No, you used to do, it was kind of like a northern accent. Like a.

The lobby.

Mr. Mosby.

Yeah, you'd be like, I'm Deborah from the lobby.

I'm Deborah from the lobby. So, were you just like laying in your bed and you're like, ugh, I need to go play Jessica again. For a little bit. Here we go. Maybe Deborah.

Jessica, not right now.

No, yeah, she was the nice tour guide, but the Jessica Melicia was, she was bossy. Jessica Misa Gamma Elio Chile.

Jessica Misa Gamma Elio Chile.

Yeah, yes.

Jessica Misa Gamama Eliochale. Yesagama Misagama Eliochale. You're saying it wrong. It's Yesagama Misagama Eliochale.

Yesagama Misagama Eliochale.

Yes.

Yes.

That's her last name.

Harper, you should do a little bit of that character and introduce the podcast to their set or something.

Yeah, I wanna meet Yesagama, Misigama, Elio, Chile. I wanna meet this person. No, I'm different now.

No, do it, please.

I've changed.

She's still in there somewhere.

I know, she's down.

I will say, Harper sometimes tries to be like normal TikToker and just does like pretty ones, but then her like funny, unique self always ends up coming out, which makes me proud because I want her to be herself always. Oh, I actually saw it the other day in one of your TikToks.

No, she's ignoring me.

When you were singing, you were like climbing the podium in your house, like the wall, and you're like, ah, and then it just cut to you singing. I was like, there's Harper.

Yes, there she is. Found her. I miss that girl. you were just like, you were like not trying to be all cool and stuff. I like when you're just like normal.

You.

Everybody can be normal.

It's better to be unique.

Yes.

Do you remember Wicked?

Yeah.

Elphaba wasn't normal.

I know that.

And she, guess what?

And guess what?

Guess what?

She got him very embarrassed and bullied. Oh, well, I've never seen Wicked. She ends up becoming the evil Wicked Witch of the West.

Yeah. And it's just a tragic story.

Yeah. Never mind. Sorry.

Yeah. Don't don't don't take after her.

And every all the like monkeys come towards her and stuff. Yeah. But my mom. Yeah, she's always trying to like trying to find things out by my sister. She's like, Reese, tell me what Harper did last night. I didn't do anything. Did you do nothing? No, probably didn't. One time she woke me up, she was like, why are we at a party with 20 year olds?

I was not at a party with 20 year olds.

It was the biggest party in the Texas.

So you just said you weren't there.

And then you just said you weren't there.

And then you just said, because it was the biggest party in Texas.

Dude, my mom's been so mad, like this year, I've like changed a lot this year, and like she's like. You're like emo now. No, no, it's not bad. It's like the fact that like, like I've been to ISS so many times,

and she just gives up.

Can we not talk about that?

You're all sharp for that.

Or did you change because Jessica's not in the lobby anymore?

It's Deborah. Deborah, yeah. Mom, like, did you ever imagine me being an ISS?

No.

Just what every parent dreams for their child. That wasn't on my list of hopes and dreams for my child.

Oh my God, please let my kid have an ISS, thank you.

But I do still love you, and I do still believe in you, and I believe that you-

Believe in me for what? Not go into ISS? No, Arbor, you are not understanding what she's trying to say to you. What's not clocking with you, Arbor? You know, investing can feel intimidating. It seems like something you need to be an expert in or have tons of time to figure out.

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ha ha ha, right guys?

Ha ha ha.

You should do what I had to do.

I had to, my dad made me write, I love my mom, I will not yell at her. I love my mom, I will not yell at her.

Oh yeah, when I was little.

That's a great idea. Yeah, he wrote that a lot. I remember my mom sent me to, what's it called, time out, and it was in the guest bedroom. And I went into the guest bedroom closet and I started writing on everything,

all the walls on everything, I hate my mom,

I hate my mom, what is wrong with mom?

No, you didn't say I hate my mom, you wrote mom and then you wrote frowny face.

It was like.

You're not an edgy enough child. That's like even worse than saying I hate my mom. It's just, I'm sad.

I remember I walked in there and I was like, oh my gosh.

I was like, this is next level.

I was so mad.

Just time out.

You're so dramatic and so funny.

She's just listening to 1-800, just, Mom, where are you?

I know exactly what she was doing. She was like, I'll get her. I'll show her for putting me in time out.

I'll take a bumper.

Did you ever do, when you went to your room, did you ever do the fake scream when you closed the door? You were like, I'm here. Yeah, and I remember I stuck the middle finger up by the door. Oh yeah, I did that too. I remember genuinely thinking, I'm praying actually, God, why'd you give me this family?

Any, any, any other family. You're like the best family, that gives me so much hope.

I was like, any other family would have been amazing. Why me, why here? Why did you spawn me here?

That's insane.

Why spawn me?

That truly is insane.

In America? Are you kidding me?

You needed your mom and dad to be able to take care of you.

Oh my gosh.

I think your parents are the only ones that could have handled

you honestly.

I've never been like, I'm going to run away. I can't, I'm going to call CPS.

I'm going to do it all.

I need to get out of here. There's a video of me running away. And I have my suitcase. They can't take away my phone, they can't do this.

Okay, how old are you? I was like seven.

Okay.

I think this was during COVID. Cause I think that's when I was looking through videos this morning, trying to find some good stuff for today. And I found this one.

And what was it? Is that real? Yeah, it was real. I was like- You weren't seven, you were like- I was like 12. 12, but same thing. No, I had my suitcase and everything

and I had my mom's phone and I like-

You're talking about how you had my phone.

I don't know.

And I like started shaking my suitcase,

I'm running away.

And then, yeah, I- Except for before the video, she's like, that's it, I'm running away. And in the video she goes,

why isn't she out here?

Forget it.

There was something like that,

and I was like, oh my gosh.

It's because I was trying to. One, one.

My mom's gonna run through that door in three, two, one.

We could start a whole new YouTube channel for old Harper's stuff.

No, but y'all telling me y'all never genuinely was like, why was I not, why was I born into this family? Never.

I remember having the same,

like I remember getting so mad at my parents. They don't understand me. They don't get it.

They're so strict.

And I'm pretty sure that's what she's going through. What do you want to do? Is it a rock music? Oh, no. I was, no. I, yeah, no.

You what?

I, no.

You exposed your heart for over here.

I mean, they wouldn't, they were the same way. Like, they didn't want me to go spend the night at friends' houses

that I didn't allowed. Oh, this is crazy. They weren't allowed to go to the roller skating rink ever. Even if they were 21, 20, they were not allowed to go to the roller skating rink. You weren't allowed to go to the movies. You weren't allowed to listen to any music unless it was like a gospel song.

Nothing.

That's terrible.

The roller rinks and movies and all that, we're not allowed.

Forbidden?

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's what people say.

And now that I'm 21, I've also forbidden myself

from roller skating rinks after my last experience.

Oh, no.

I'm not going back.

Oh, yeah.

That's right. I remember after me and like the Under Armour little thing.

And I was like,

you know what I mean, it looks like Under Armour. Anyways, show them the video of me being like,

three, two, one.

Oh, I didn't save that one.

Aw.

I will find it. I'll find it.

No, there's so many videos. I do have one. You have to have like an overload of pictures and videos of Harper. What is this one? My little brother tried to run away when he was little. He was like five. Has my mom told you this story?

No.

Well, he was like a little fat five-year-old. He was so cute. Dang!

He's got his little fat fingers on his little suitcase.

Fat fingers? I mean, you just caught it on this little kid.

He was so angry. It's like me and my mom, my older sister, we're just sitting there staring at him and he gets to the edge of the street and he looks back at us.

That's every kid's biggest decision in life, when you're at the edge of the street. Once I step on this street, I'm cooked.

No, he looks forward and he stomps with his little fat foot and he's like, ugh,'t cross the street by myself. We're like, aww, he's so cute and fat. He couldn't get anywhere. Another thing Harper would always do growing up, and sometimes she still does it, is if we're out to eat as a family or with a group of friends,

she talks in an accent to the waiter or waitress.

Oh boy.

Yeah, tell them about that, Harper.

What is this?

Wait, still now? Today? Yes, she'll do that. Maverick ran away once at 17.

I think we told that story. Oh my gosh, that's embarrassing. I was successful though.

Oh wait, wait, we have the video.

We have the video. No, this is a new video, but this is something she might do for the waiter or waitress. No, this isn't funny.

This isn't funny. This is a little trick that she learned. I'm not even laughing at it. She's being so nonchalant with the video.

Okay.

She's got imaginary strength.

Oh, you're really good at this, Harper.

Yes.

I don't know why I'm watching you.

I thought it was cute. It's kind of funny because you're so terrible at it. It's not going well.

This is just her trying it out.

It gets better as it goes. She is pretty good at this. Yeah, that needed some practice.

I can do a good now watch. Ready?

Oh, yeah. You practicing enough?

Oh, that is much better.

Yeah, you were doing too much hand motion before.

Ow!

Can you do this?

Oh, apparently this is...

Oh, and then I remember I used to do this.

Oh, I've never seen that one before. I've actually never seen that.

Wait, what is it? What was she doing?

It is kind of...

It's actually kind of impressive.

See?

That was so funny for no reason. I was concerned. I never know where they went.

Is this what happens at your dinner table?

Yes. This is what happens at our dinner table on a regular basis.

What is she a mime?

What is this?

You would have been a good mime.

She did go through a mime phase. Oh my gosh.

She went through a magician phase.

You do magic?

And she like perfected these magic tricks and anybody that came in our house, Come in here, sit down, sit down. And she'd do her magic. She went through a ventriloquy phase where she is a ventriloquist.

Um. Because of Darcy Lynn. What else?

Yeah, because of Darcy Lynn.

She's actually pretty good at it.

Did you ever make your family sit down

and like watch you perform concerts?

Yes. Yeah, yeah. Yes, and. Yeah. Yes. No, but now Reese is old and she doesn't do anything.

Oh, dang.

Oh. Y'all just went to dinner the other night together. I thought that was good.

All right. Yeah, that's fine.

I love this back and forth.

It's just so wonderful.

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I'm just glad I'm not getting boogers smeared on me.

No.

Uh-uh.

Uh-eh. What's the worst thing Harper's ever done?

Oh.

Wait, you're almost 18.

Are you gonna share the green paper story later?

Oh my gosh.

I do wanna know the green paper story.

I have, it's not, it's crazy.

Yeah, you overhyped it, huh?

No, no.

It's so overhyped. I told my mom in um in Seventh grade or sixth? No sixth grade. Yeah, it was sixth grade I told her I said I did something really bad mom like really really bad and I'm like, please tell me well And then I feel like if she did something like super bad the school would have told me but I guess did you not get? Caught at school. I didn't get caught. No. Oh Dang not getting caught and just being like, I did something bad. I'm the only one who knows it. I, nobody knows it. I just want to apologize on Harper's behalf to all the Briar Hill Middle School teachers.

And whoever got green paper.

Yeah.

Dude, getting green paper doesn't sound good,

whatever that means.

No, it wasn't even that bad.

It's just like, it's like probably,

frick dude, it's been in ISF.

Right.

When it happened, it was really, really bad. Do you still think it's just as bad as it did back then? Well, I was scared.

I was just. No, but looking back now, is it bad or is it like eh?

Were you scared you just like sign my name to something? No, I've done that multiple times That's a common occurrence. Yeah, but like I used to sweat the trampoline park. I'd sign my mom's name. They can't find out No, yeah, no once I turn 18, I'm gonna tell everybody everything or at least I'm like 21. No, you can't push it back

No, what do you never tell everybody everything. No, when I'm 21, I'll tell my mom,

like when I'm good friends with my mom.

We kept secrets from our parents.

I'm glad you wanna be good friends later.

Later.

I mean, not right now. And I don't wanna be best friends with you right now either. So it's mutual.

Moms and daughters shouldn not a best friend. I've always said, when I have kids, I said, I don't care if my kids like me. What I do care about is if I like them. I said, if my kid's not allowed to be annoying to me,

I won't allow it.

No annoying kid.

No annoying kid.

That would not happen.

I was like, he's standing in the corner, why? Because he's annoying. I'll tell him because listen if you have an annoying kid I feel like you're doing them a big disservice in life allowing them to be annoying. Especially this if they have only child. Because then they can't make friends because then they go everywhere and they're annoying to everyone. Yeah and they just grow up to be annoying adults. If you're like an only child the parents unfortunately must punish you for being annoying. If not, you have siblings to be like, hey, don't do that, that's annoying.

But without them, that's bad.

No, the worst thing is only children

that have a severe case of only child syndrome.

Yeah.

When you meet an only child and you guys are hanging out and you're like, oh, let's watch something. And they like six seasons deep in a TV series

and they're like, okay, but I've never seen the show. I don't care, I wanna watch my show. Okay, Kate clearly has something she needs to work through

with some only child.

Harper's about to be an only child at home.

Dang, they're gonna kill Reese off?

Yeah.

No.

No, no.

Reese is leaving for college in like five weeks.

Are you sad about it, Harper?

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'm sad about it. Yeah. Mom, yes? You didn't answer me, what's the worst thing Reese has done? Or not Reese, Harper. Oh, Harper.

I don't.

That you can share.

I don't know.

There's so many.

That's kind of a hard question.

That you can share, Mom.

Please. That you can share.

Keep it PG. That's the most outlandish thing. Like, crazy, like you never thought. Like, did you ever come home and realize like all your plates were shattered because she like was like.

Like one time I stole all my mom's spoons.

Oh, you did? Why?

Because I was mad.

Harper accidentally throws away our forks a lot.

Okay, that's what the worst part about her.

Which is a problem, but no, that's not.

I'm just. Why the spoon? Maybe it was forks. I think they were eating spaghetti or soup that night or something. And I was like, they're gonna need these. I'll show them. And I took them. And I said, you can have your spoons back

if you give me back my phone.

That's crazy.

You aware, Matt, that that's not normal?

Yeah.

Like, to like, fight fire with fire? To have that thought, I was like, I can't do anything too crazy

or I'll get killed.

Oh no.

But, there is a-

Taking the spoons is like- Taking the spoons is like, you can't really get that mad at me for taking the spoons,

but you do need these.

You do need these.

You do need the spoons. Like one day a day or two. Where'd you go? Stay? Stayed in my truck. No, you didn't you went to our friend's house? No, I stayed in my truck I slept in my truck you went to Dylan Lee's house

Maybe one of the nights I did

Did your parents know where you were? You had life 360 they had to have known what I turned it off dog

You think I'm gonna keep that on when I run away? That was the same story. Well, how do you turn your Lysol 360 off? Oh, you don't know, do you? You like to know, weather boy.

What are you like, no, yeah,

just so you know, it like alerts everybody

when you turn it off.

Actually, yes.

But when you're running away, you don't care about that.

That was the same story. He got grounded from his car. He was 17, my parents took his keys. and grounded her from her car. Oh. Yeah. Interesting strategy. That's again. Harper, do not try that. No, I said, I said, mom, you are a great example of how to treat people. I am so happy to have you as a mother.

I forgot to talk to your mom. And then I was like, so now that you've enlightened me that when we don't like something someone does, we just take their things, I will be taking your keys. You were too smart for your own good. And then he took the keys and didn't go into it. And then my dad was like, just give him his keys back

and give him the keys back and, Mav, you can go. And then he just left. My dad was done with it.

My dad was done. He was like, go.

That is what I'm going to do for one day.

I get no. No. No. It's not good. It puts a strain on the whole family when you do that. It wasn't a good decision.

It makes everybody feel terrible.

Their mom was just devastated and dad's just mad.

Even when they beg you to come home later, you still feel bad. Yeah.

You're like, ah.

I thought of one thing, one kind of bad thing you did, Harper, that we can share. house in Oklahoma and they had just gotten a brand new, like forever we've just had a golf cart that was really slow but they bought a new like side by side kind of fancy and Harper was 15 and so grandma's rule, which she had told Harper, cause she had like been at our house the month before,

no one can drive the side by side unless you're 16, unless you have a parent with you and then, you know, they can watch you drive it, and you can practice driving. So everybody knew the rules.

And you stole the car?

These were the rules.

From your grandma, not from your grandma.

Jessica is 17.

We get to the lake house, and within one minute, Harper's gone.

Now she and her friend, who was, what friend?

Kayla and Brooke.

Oh, Kayla and Brooke. Why do I just see like a cut scene in a movie?

Just cast the harbor.

She's like, ah!

Kayla and Brooke take off. I was thinking that they were on the golf cart. I didn't think anything of it. We were sitting out on the porch with her dad's, her uncle and her grandma.

And all of a sudden? And I was like, well, it's here. And he was like, no, it's not here.

And I was like, what? This is a cutscene where it's like, where's the side-by-side?

Oh, it's right there.

Yeah.

Well, it was right there.

And then I call Harper up and I'm like,

get back here right now.

No, you were saying, where is she? The rules were you could not and you had just been told the rules. Wait, but you still had the golf cart to use? Everybody was pretty upset.

So you just did it out of spite. You're like, yeah, I'm just going to take that. I got home and everybody was looking at me like this. Change.

Yeah, they just told me you're not allowed to drive it.

And I made her apologize to grandma and to Uncle Billy.

Oh, she had to be 15, though. have the freedom to drive. Which she could have driven the really slow golf cart. Did you guys ever have to apologize to your grandparents?

No, not no. I made my grandma sad one time and I was like, oh man, I'm the worst human being on this planet. Like, I'll never do that again.

She's just so sweet.

There was one time I had to apologize to my granny, but I don't remember what I did.

But my grandpa terrified me. so I had to go apologize to her. Dude, it was so scary. When I got back, I was like, I can't do this. And then my mom and dad were like, apologize to your grandmother.

And I was like, okay.

It's the right thing to do, right?

No, I feel like my grandma- I do feel like you're a little strict though sometimes.

What the?

Sorry, your mom is not being I go to my grandparents house. And my mom's like yelling at me. Because of something on my motorcycle. I either like wasn't wearing my helmet, or I had to be home at a certain time or whatever it was. And she's yelling at me something about my motorcycle. And my grandpa, you know, back in his day, he just did whatever he wanted I guess I don't know he was like Tara he is a man let him do what he wants and I was 14 I was like yes I am that's right yeah oh no my grandma just gave me like everything I wanted so I had no reason to fight her she was like hey let's flip the question around now

Harper what's the worst thing?

Choose your words carefully.

She spanked me with a wooden spoon when I was younger.

That's it.

That's normal.

That's pretty like daily.

That's so valid.

No, no, no.

Valid crash out on Broadway.

I didn't care for what you say though. My dad had to make us go pick out

what we wanted to get hit with. You spanked me with a belt with like the metal stones on it. Ouch. So.

Oh, the belt was the worst, you just.

They got nothing compared to that.

Yeah.

Yes, we did.

You spanked us with a wooden spoon.

You want this?

No. Like it hurt so bad, Mom.

It hurt like.

I know, I know.

I know your mom spanked you like this.

And you know what Harper said? We said that to my mom, it would make her so mad. She'd spank me and we'd be like, that hurt that bad. And then she'd be like, James, get in here and spank him.

And we'd be like, no please.

No dad.

My mom had a wooden spatula made. Like, I don't know why, but she had-

She had a custom spatula for spanking?

Yes, she had painted it gold, and then he hand made it.

Hand making it is crazier.

It was a different time.

Yeah, then he wrote bible verses on it. And then he wrote golden standard.

Oh, golden standard. I like that.

It's crazy.

He's like, you are below the gold standard, you will be punished. But I do think I have never gotten hurt from doing something that my mom tells me not to do. Really?

Never.

It's never backfired?

Never.

That's so not true, Harper. But the thing is, yeah, my mom's like, don't do this, don't do that. And it's like normal common sense. But I'm a woman, mom.

Oh, wait, do you know what that sounds like? Do you remember that kid that we had on that was like, yo, I'm 17, I'm a man. You remember how dumb we thought that was?

Yes.

That's how dumb that sounds.

A woman that I still have to remind her to brush her teeth.

Hey.

Oh.

Oh, she did not just go there.

She did not.

Well. It's all right, Harper. Kate still reminds me too.

Yeah, that's crazy.

Because I posted.

Sometimes when I wake up, I'm like, don't forget to brush your teeth. Of course I won't forget.

Thank you. Thank you.

Shut up.

Kate told me that the other day. I was getting ready to go brush my teeth, and Kate was like, remember to brush your teeth.

I was like, I was going to. and it caught not brushing your teeth before. And also I posted a TikTok, you know, man child never heard of self-care, that line in the song, I posted a TikTok to it. And I said, this song is made for all the girls who had to remember their guys to practice basic self-care.

And then everyone-

When guys don't do self-care, it makes me disgusted.

I know, and then everyone was like,

oh my gosh, that's my husband. No, it's like disgusting. Like if you don't have good hygiene, please don't come near me.

That's what I'm saying. Has that ever happened?

It sounds like you don't brush your teeth.

Has that ever happened when you had like-

Do I brush my teeth?

Yes, you do. Just not as often as I'd like you to.

You do?

Do you brush your teeth twice a day?

Yes. I absolutely- That's fine. One time ever? Yeah, she forgot that one time. It was one time.

I remember that one time when I forgot to. One time.

So Harper claims that nothing you've ever told her not to do that she's done has backfired.

Yeah.

I feel like that can't be true.

That is not true.

I know.

That is not true.

Look at him, he's eating it up. I'm not the drama. I have to remind her a lot to study and things like that. She never studies. Yeah, that's what TravGBT's for.

Harper, you can't confess that.

No, that's real.

I've told Harper, I know she doesn't like schoolwork and all that kind of stuff. But it's important to learn to work hard for things. Whether you're working hard for the podcast or social media or singing or this or that, you just have to work hard.

Yeah, that's valid.

And if you don't work hard, you wanna achieve what you want in life, you'll be homeless.

She's like, that doesn't sound half bad.

No, I actually was talking to my mom.

I said, I think I would be fine as being homeless.

You'll be homeless.

I think he'd laugh like two hours. I would love that. No, just being able to sleep on the sand or something,

I would love that.

Yeah, it's kind of odd. How much people accept bench front real estate?

No, I don't think you would enjoy that. You wouldn't enjoy not having-

You know there's dangerous people out there?

Not if you're the homeless one.

I'm one of them.

Ain't nobody gonna mess with you. from the lobby would enjoy though. No, I'm genuinely like, I'm friends with like homeless people. I meet people at this one bridge I go to a lot and I'm pretty sure they're homeless and I make pretty good friends with them.

You low key are the homeless person walking down the street.

She keeps going to go to me on this bridge.

She's like, where the damn bridge?

I told her so many times not to go. Yeah, that's why she's going. There's a guy named Albert there and do you not remember what we said we said the one night we went It was a random Tuesday and the cops were out patrolling because the place is so dangerous Yeah, I know but I go to all people are lighting the bridge on fire. I try to spread the gospel to Alton What's the guy's name? Oh, that's good. That's always good. Mm-ahuer. No, no, no. Ted Bundy. Ted Bundy. Ted Bundy. That's who. Ted Bundy was a nice guy. And girls probably walked up to him and just

thought he was just a great sports snack.

No, no.

Who else is Brian Hunt out at Old Alton Bridge?

He would probably go to Old Alton Bridge. You're so cute. And then they get in this little Volkswagen bug. And guess what? The door is broken. They can't get out. Now they're trapped in Ted Bundy's Volkswagen bug. And they were never to be seen again. And it was all because he was so nice.

Please, LOL fans, don't look up to him.

Not yet.

Not yet.

No.

Don't go to bridges.

I've been brush your teeth. We were just kidding. And she's only had, I mean, every time we go to the dentist, they say they're very clean.

Your teeth are beautiful.

You have one cavity. You have better teeth than a lot of people.

Better to me.

I get all the cavities. I think I'm just cavity prone. He's got bad teeth. I don't understand how people are cavity prone like that. I'm anti-cavity prone.

No, that's not the truth. It's usually your enamel is not as good. Some people don't even have enamel at all. They have to go to the dentist to get it put on.

Is that what teeth whitening strips are gonna do to me?

They strip your enamel. I'm gonna stop. I'm gonna stop doing that. Or just get it done professionally at the dentist like every six months or something. I do wanna get veneers.

Oh.

You have beautiful veneers. Oh yeah, what I was gonna tell my mom is,

is it okay, so when I turn 18 and I go to LA,

I'm going to get a nose job.

No.

Why?

You have a perfect nose.

What?

Turn to the side, let me see the side. No, you have a beautiful nose. You have a very good nose. I want it to be more like this. Oh. No, that's a little peaky nose.

Like you live in Whoville?

That's kind of like Hustle.

You know in the Hunger Games,

the people in the capital are crazy?

Right, they start looking weird.

That, I my opinion, for situations where you really need it, where it's really bad, maybe you're in an accident or something like that.

Like you can't breathe.

Like you can't breathe for some reason.

You gotta think, they could do it and it could look way worse too.

Yeah. I also want to get lip filler. You are beautiful. No. Lip filler? Remember, do you remember what we were talking about before?

People develop a blindness to stuff like that. You get a nose job, and you're like, oh.

You've ever been to L.A. Harbor, you look around,

everyone's just, this is true.

I don't like natural.

People, the lip filler blindness, the Botox blindness,

all of it, because once you start it, then, well, and especially if you're going to like a spa where they give you Botox or whatever, they're always gonna be like, well, you could do a little of this, or you could do a little of that.

Yeah, they're gonna hype you up. The same, I had a friend who had some plastic surgery, I was like, what else should I do? And I was like, you should never, you should never ever, ever ask that. I was like, cause she was like, well, they said maybe my nose and maybe this. And I was like, you're beautiful. Just the way God made you.

They convinced you that you need it

because they get more money when you do it.

No, like genuinely, this is just my plan when I'm not going to have anybody stop me. So nose a little higher up. The way I'm confused about that part, because that's ugly.

Like, that's weird.

No bump in the middle of my nose.

No, but you want to walk around like this?

You don't even have a bump, sweetie.

No, she wants like the small, like, little, like.

Hi, guys.

I cut my nose just done recently.

Like, that's strange. Wait, turn to the side. What's embarrassing? You already have the lift. Yeah, your nose has the little curl that you're talking about.

I know, but you see this bump right here?

That's just the bridge of your nose.

Oh my gosh, Harper.

I think everyone has one. We all have that. Everybody has that. I've got that. That's natural.

Either way, either way.

I'm gonna get a little bit of Botox. And then I'm gonna look like this. No dude, I promise you no dude is gonna be like,

dang Harper, I would have dated you if you had a nose job.

But because you don't.

Or if you had a little bit of a red color.

Here's the other thing.

Come back to me after you see a doctor. No one's gonna say that.

These are the words of advice from your mother. None of that stuff is gonna bring you happiness. None of that's gonna bring you happiness though.

In old times, you think they didn't have nose jobs when your mom was younger?

I'm super young. No, no, I just think from what I've seen and people that get a lot of work, it doesn't make them any happier. There's always some sort of flaw. And so I always say, just don't focus on

how you look all the time because it'll make you unhappy. What I'm gonna say is if I was a mom which I'm never gonna be because I don't want to be mom. And she should be a mom because she's so good with kids. Okay well no. You are. Thank you but no I don't want to be a mom I don't want to do won't be able to afford them.

Unless they're doing plastic surgery, I guess.

No, no, but no, if I was a mom, I would be like, okay, these are my ground rules. I wanna know everything about you. I wanna know everything about you and I want to help you with that. So you can do whatever you want,

just don't do drugs and stuff. Oh, bae. drugs and stuff. And then, yeah, just like, if you wanna be out as late as you can, just tell me and I'll

drive you everywhere.

Oh, yeah. Nothing good happens after midnight, kids.

Oh my gosh.

Nothing good.

Everything good happens after midnight.

No.

Yeah, you ever been to a movie premiere?

No, I'm kidding.

But yeah. But yeah.

All right, well, thank you guys so much for watching this episode today.