Ang matapang na kuwento ng isang dalagang pinagsamantalahan ng sarili niyang mga kaibigan | i-Listen

I was a gang rape survivor also. So they are my friends, both three of them. I'm really a gang member. And where the rape happened is actually very near my house because it's near the school. My theory, they really planned that night. They really planned to rape me that night.

I have had an experience before. I wasn't raped but I was nearly raped. And I know that feeling of not being able to find your voice. I can still remember it.

It's like...

Just like that.

Good day, Kapuso. I am Kara David for iListen. In this program, we will listen to the stories of different people. And in our conversation, we will surely learn something. It's a bit difficult for me and for many women, our topic today is heavy. And I usually don't tackle these kinds of stories because it just brings back a lot of pain

and a lot of past traumas. Very triggering. But I believe that these stories are important to tell, and more importantly, important to listen to. The topic we will talk about today is the issue of rape. And I have with me here today a very brave and strong woman, Phoebe Fructuoso.

Hello. Thank you. Thank you. Let me hold your hand. Thank you for joining us. I've been a journalist for a long time and I usually do not like covering rape cases because it's very, very Hellenic. rape cases because it's very, very traumatic and triggering talaga siya. Pero ikaw, you deal with rape victims on almost a daily basis because of your organization na PAVE. Ang PAVE is short for Promoting Awareness and Victor's Empowerment.

So we provide free group therapy sessions and it's our goal to provide free legal counseling. So we have a stay-at-home mom who's a lawyer but isn't practicing anymore because she has kids. So she's able to help draft the court letters. So kapag ikaw ay rape victim, pw reach out to you to join our rape therapy sessions. You can give advice, help, listen. Yes, and seeking help, sharing their stories that have found their voice again.

So their stories are able to help other people you know find hope and joy Why did you have an advocacy? Because I was a gang rape survivor also so I've survived it I was 18 years old when it happened by my own friends so three of them were my friends I know this is painful for you actually I'm I'm okay to share it I'm'm an open book. Of course it's a sad thing but when I say

rape it's something God redeemed me already you can stop whenever you're not comfortable. How did it start? How did it happen? So they are my friends, three of them. So they're your classmates in school? Yes, my classmates. And they are also my classmates in high school. So you're in the same batch?

Yes, I'm in the same batch. So you were in the same batch? Yes, I was in the same batch. And where the rape happened is actually very near my house because it's near the school. I was heartbroken at the time but I'm also a very one of the boys. I mean, after studying psychology, it's because I never grew up with a father or even a mother. I was an abandoned child also. So for me, I guess I tried to fill that black by being surrounded with boys because I like boyish things. Kasi sa household ko was puro babae. So I've, I... It's okay. Halos lahat ng mga babae... May daddy issues.

No, we all have guy friends and it's nice to have guy friends, especially guy friends you can trust. And I expected them to be the ones that protect me because they're the ones who really prove that they care about my safety. They brought me home after class so I felt like a little sister to them and I thought that it was just a platonic thing.

So fast forward when I got heartbroken and we all drank in a bar nearby. Nagiinuman kayo? Nagiinuman at pinagpatuloy po sa house. Yung nagiinuman ay ikaw and four other boys? There were more pa po. There was a couple.

Ah may babae din. Yeah may couple din po. And four other boys? There were more. There was a couple. Oh, there was a girl too? Yeah, there was a couple. And the girl was my best friend at that time, who was dating another guy from that group, who's actually also crucial to the entire story of how I was able to get justice and prove that I was really gang rape. I was also very drunk.

And then I, my memory is very hazy. So I was always sleeping, waking up, sleeping, waking up. But I knew that the most sure… But you were there, was the woman there too? They left. Then we were left with four guys and then just me. And these guys you were the guys you're with? Yes, the three of them I relate to.

You didn't find anything wrong with drinking with four guys? Yes, not at all. Because they're your friends? I have lunch with. Correct. They're like brothers. Yes, and in that school, I never really got along with the girls of my batch because they were into other things.

They drank and then it escalated and then I blacked out. You blacked out. I was blacked out, drunk. But then I woke up. When I woke up, it's the eldest person on top of me. And then I was screaming at the top of my lungs, pero wala pong voice na lumalabas. It was just in my head. So for some reason, hindi ko malabas yung voice. And also, I was pretty weak.

So I was trying to gain the courage to get up. And it's common to many survivors. It's really a fight, flight, or freeze. And the most common to many survivors. It's really a fight, flight, or freeze. And the most common reaction is freeze. I know. I know. So you just let it happen.

I know. And it wasn't, it was only until I was able to like lift my body up a little bit. Because there was a cushion on the floor and I was on the bed. I know. It's interesting that you, actually it's important that you bring up that because in many rape cases in the Philippines, they always say, Why didn't you fight? Why didn't you scream?

I had an experience before. I wasn't raped but I was nearly raped. And I know that feeling of not being able to find your voice. It's like... I can still remember it. It's like...

It's just like... You're... I don't know. You're not just vocalizing. It's like you're screaming but you're also hearing no one is listening. It's like someone is crying every time you try. Yes.

And it's not a good feeling.

Yes.

For me personally, it's actually the most traumatic. The wanting to scream but not being able to scream. Yes. And you never found, you were, you were, you were not, you were not really screaming? No, po, I was not screaming. And when I only lifted my body up, po, tumalun po yung, yung kuya.

He, parang nagjump siya pupunta sa floor, and all the others were there. And then after that, po, syempre asa… Tumalun siya kasi parang, he jumped because he was already awake. So that's the only time that he stopped. When I was able to somehow lift my body up after driving the screen. And then were you able to find your voice after that?

No, because my body was also in shock. Very weak and shocked. So even if the house was really near my house, like it's maybe a few kilometers away, I could have walked home. Your brain is also not working as of the moment because you were just frustrated. And it's like you just freeze in the trauma. Yes. I was very lucky because I found the courage to do this, to do this while he was doing

this. I found the courage to do this and kick him. And then I was just very lucky because there were cars passing by and dogs barking because it happened on the street. Stranger?

Stranger.

Wow.

And there were cars passing by. I was just very lucky that there was a car passing by and there were dogs barking. And in a way, they found the voice for me. Yes. Kasi when you find out that somebody is out there na pwedeng tulungan ka, then you find your voice. Yes. And then I was able to scream. But in your case, you were locked inside a house.

Yes.

And everybody who was there, it's just there. They were just there. They didn't help you? No, because in my theory, they really planned that night. They really planned to rape me that night and this was proven because in the group chat, I mentioned that my best friend was dating someone from the group.

They left because they were dating someone else. So she had the password of her Facebook account. So she can access his Facebook. And in the guys' group chat, they were talking about, it's nice to read if you're with someone like that. So, the time that she jumped, right? After that, were you able to escape?

What I remember, I was under the blanket, still in shock. I messaged my cousin, Please come pick me up. They raped me already. Because that cousin was also in the bar where we were prior to going to that house. So mga 5am po yung message ko naiyon sa cousin.

So when you woke up and you saw all of them? Yeah. So they were nandun po sila sa babang. After po kasi nangyari, after, nung tumalun siya, I just hid under the blankets and I was just in total shock. I was trying to sleep again and then when I got out of the blanket, they were gone from the room. When you removed the blanket, they were gone. And then they were all in the car at that time. Then the owner of the house, who was fully dressed and of course I was naked.

He took my clothes and said, I'm already picked up, you're now brought home. When you got home? Yes, they brought me home. I was the one who sat in the front. They were all in the back.

They brought me home. Did the men bring you home? Yes.

And then I got down. They brought you? Yes. They took me to my house. Did the men take you home? They took me home.

And then I got down. Did they take you home? Yes. And in the car ride, did they say anything? Nothing. They didn't say anything. They were just at the back.

They just acted like it was just a normal inuman. They took me home. They were all acting like they were normal. And I was like, I don't know what to say at that time. Actually, my house had a lot of CCTVs. We saw the exact way they took me down.

Until I entered the house, when I went up the stairs, on how traumatized I really looked when I got home. So you didn't speak at all? I actually didn't tell my family for two weeks. Because even I couldn't process what really happened. So I still went to school, but I broke down.

I broke down when I saw them in school. For the first few days after the incident, they didn't go to my classes. They went to other classes, but in my classes, they weren't there. But it just so happened that I was a cheerleader at that time. And cheerleading to me became an outlet. Of course, you have to be happy, you get to mask everything. So it was obvious that she has no spirit. She has no pet. I was keeping it quiet

all to myself. They're the first ones that pointed it out, Phoebe, what's wrong? Because in the gym, biglang lumabas yung mga boys dumaan. Siguro di nila alam na pumasok parin ako. Nung nakita ko sila, that's when I broke down. That's when the cheerleaders found out and that's when I actually started to continue processing and try to decide what am I gonna do. Because all my friends at the time were telling me, Phoebe, you're gonna get checked. Do something. I didn't have a good relationship with my mom. My dad was never really around. At that time,

I was telling my friends, I'll tell my mom when I'm healed. God will get me through this. I'm okay. Like I really didn't want to burden my mom when I'm healed, God will get me through this. I'm okay. I really didn't want to burden my mom or anyone. But my friends would be like, no, do something. I went to a clinic in Alabang, the area where I lived. And that's when I found out that doctors won't even check you when you tell them you're raped.

Because here in the Philippines, we don't have rape kits, we don't have health kits, and it's against their code to even check you. Because it's a must. In Women and Children's Health Desk, you go there, then you write your Salisay,

and then you get a medical legal. Because only the medical legal can check you. And at that time, when I found out, At that time, I realized that I still didn't want to tell my mom. One friend told me, Phoebe, what if you were your mom

and you found out after 20 years that your son was raped and you couldn't do anything? Wouldn't that make you really depressed? When I saw it in that perspective, that's when I started to plan how to tell her. It was a really heavy time. I think when I told her, for some reason, it was heavier than the actual trauma because it's telling my mom that okay. And it was only from then on, and my entire family, that was only from then on that we got to decide.

Let's get a lawyer. Do we have a case? We were talking as a family, what are we going to do about this? Why did you not report it at first and not tell? Who were the first people you told that you were raped? My friends, the cheerleaders. Well, technically, my cousin. Come pick me up. They raped me.

It wasn't until the next day that I was like, what's happening? And then I was processing. I've never been to court at that time. I'm 18. It's like a new world now. What is this? What is this hardship? And you have no clue on how long a case would take.

Little did I know, I had to fight that case for 8 years. What were the reaction of your repeats when you filed the case? They were still arrogant. When I first saw them, actually, two of them got acquitted in the fiscal office. Even if one of them

fled the country, which is an obvious sign of guilt. So, the first fiscal meeting after submitting all the court documents, the first subpoena is the fiscal meeting. There was one missing

that was already transferred to the States. And at that time, you still couldn hold a departure order yet, right? So, she still got acquitted, she and the owner of the house. What were you saying that they were still arrogant? What was their reaction when they found out that? They were high and mighty.

They even spread a fake nude photo of me to the entire school. They really tried to ruin my name. What did they say? They were saying that it was an orgy and it was consensual. So they never denied being there. They were denying that it was rape.

And how did that make you feel? Of course, for an 18-year-old, it's difficult. And what hurts me more is the people that I thought were my friends, they're the ones I hear chatting, supporting the claim that they believe in the orgy. So I lost a lot of friends.

So, of course, as an 18-year-old, you really hit rough bottom. You're already going through this big mess, you already have to stop school, parang wala ka ng future, tapos yung mga haibigan mo pawala, panang pawala. Because then they believe the narrative because it's four against one. Four people get their story right. Ano na, taob na ko. And what evidence do we have right? It's words against words.

Except the medical legal after two weeks where they still saw evidence of trauma. Actually, nine out of ten rape cases are not continuing in the court. There are many studies all over the world that says nine out of 10 rape victims do not report the crime that was committed against them. And for many reasons, one of which is the fear that no one will believe them or that they will be blamed for what happened to them.

And you felt that? Yes, it's the culture of shame we also have in our country. You know, you're taking the courage to stand your truth. You're the bad one. So it's really that. But you didn't give up?

No.

Are there people who helped you But you didn't give up? No.

Were there people who helped you so you didn't give up? Yes, of course. Because many didn't continue because they were afraid that they might not be trusted. Because many rape victims won't continue the continue if their identity is destroyed. Yes, of course, it's heavy. If your identity is destroyed, you will still file a case.

You need to remember everything and memorize all the details. We judge them for not being able to speak well and not being able to articulate well when in fact the trauma itself messes up your brain and your memory also. So it's also hard to keep that unified story. But I'm really grateful, my pillars in this whole case. What did your mother say to you?

Of course, she got angry first. It was heavy to take in all her emotions. Why was she angry? Because I drank. It's my friends that had to explain it. I don't remember the exact words, but then when we were all sitting as a family, it's you and me against the world. She said that.

Yeah, we'll fight this. My mom had to provide, she wasn't able to nurture. So I really felt alone, that being the case. So that's why I really needed God. Because, you know, parents, who do you have? You cling on to someone who you can really just lay out all your burdens to.

And I'm grateful because, as they say in the Bible, you will lack no good thing. Those Bible, you will lack no good thing. Those who seek the Lord lack no good thing. So provision was made evident to my grandfather and my aunt at the time. Of course, I would like to say it's strengthened, but it's really more of that trauma that we had to navigate.

And I really want to get my case settled. I'll just settle it. I'll get how many million pesos, leave the country, start a new life, never turn back. But it's really my grandfather and my aunt who were like, No, you fight. You fight till the very end because you deserve the justice. Ano yung pinakamahirap na bahagi nung, nung, nung kaso? For me to, um, to again, hear the promulgation.

It's always super nerve-wracking to be on stand and of course to see the perpetrator, like, being there. Actually the guy, so there's only one person in prison, another at large. So the person in prison, nung promulgation na fast forward to May 2023, he got a compassionate sentence of 10 to 12 years only for what happened. So, siyempre for me, I always try to see things in a positive light, in a better perspective that, hey, my eight years didn't go to waste.

They still found him guilty. And hopefully, in that prison, he gets to reflect and he changes. But of course, there's still that little fear, you know, that in a few years, he'll be far away. Because 2020 to 2023, almost four years, three, three and a half. Yung time niya sa prison na yun, subtracted sa 10 to 12 year sentence niya.

So it's just a few more years until he gets out. Have you forgiven them? Yes. Syempre I can't give an exact date to when I actually healed and forgave them. Forgiveness, forgiving them doesn't mean you have to reconcile with them. You can forgive and file your case.

But forgiving is also a daily decision. Forgiveness is important, but justice is also important. Forgiveness and justice are two different things. And you can have both. You can forgive and still seek justice. Yes. And place boundaries. Because people think you forgive, you talk to them right away.

You reconcile right away. But having boundaries is also taking care of yourself. Because forgiveness is actually for yourself. Yes, it's more for yourself. It's like you're forgiving him for yourself, to remove the burden from your heart.

Yes, it's also...

But it doesn't mean that you'll forget everything. Yes. And it doesn't mean that you won't... It didn't happen.

It doesn't invalidate that it didn't happen. It was more of... And it doesn't invalidate that it didn't happen. And it doesn't mean that you don't have the right to ask for justice because there is still justice. There should still be justice because it was more of the internal narrative with God that I had so much pride and anger. Because having that so much pride and anger blocks out so many things and it consumes you, consumes you so much. But there's life after trauma.

Yes, yes, definitely there's life after trauma. So after one full year of feeling like I'm the one in prison, that's when I was able to go to school. Why is it important for you to tell? Is it also for yourself? Does it help you heal as well? So I find it super important to speak up,

to stand your truth. Because if you don't speak up, then it will just happen more. God doesn't heal you from this just so you can remain healed for yourself. A quote that we have on our page is that, a victim walks around with open wounds while a survivor walks around with scars healed. A victim hurts other people because of the pride and the anger,

while a survivor helps heal other people because of the pride and the anger while a survivor helps heal other people. Actually, it's important to tell these stories because there are many rape victims whose voices are still not found. We talked about this earlier, during the trauma, you cannot seem to find your voice. You scream,

but there is no voice. And that is our job, whether it's a woman, man, or man, mother, father, sibling, friend,

we have the power to give them a voice or to give them encouragement for the victims to find their voice. And the very first step is listening. Yes, they need to be heard by an understanding ear. Someone that won't judge them or won't condemn them. They need to be heard by an understanding ear, someone that won't judge them or won't condemn them.

Kailangan pakinggan. Yes. Kasi ang isang tao ay hindi maglalabas ng kanyang boses kapag alam niyang hindi siya pakinggan. At hindi paniniwalaan. At hindi paniniwalaan. Based sa statistics ng, latest statistics the Philippine National Police,

there are more than 10,000 rape cases every year in the Philippines. And those are the cases? 10,000 rape cases is like one person being raped every hour. Every hour. Actually, 27 rape cases per day. So it's more than one per hour.

But let us not forget that this 10,000 plus number, the one with courage, is the only one who reported. There are still many who are not speaking up because there is still trauma, there is still fear that they may not be believed.

Yes.

That's why it's important for people like your organization to just say it out there that there are people who will listen.

Yes.

There are people who is listening, right? If someone is listening to us now who are victims of abuse, what would you say to them? Well, it's to always know that they're never alone, that God is always there to listen to you, and He can deal with your anger.

He can deal with all your emotions. Just let it out. And I want to tell them that they have a voice. They have a voice. And healing is possible. Redemption is possible.

It's to really have compassion for them. Number one, never tell them that they did something wrong. Or never ask them, what did you wear? All those victim-blaming questions, don't even ask that. Just ask, how are you doing? I'm here to listen to you.

Thank you. Thank you, Phoebe, for sharing your story, for having the courage, for listening to a lot of rape survivors. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. Thank you and be strong.

You know, Kapuso, if you analyze the word, listen, it has the same letters as the word, silent. Because sometimes, the first step to break the silence is to listen. To get the victims out of their silence, the first step is actually to just listen to them.

So if you know someone who has experienced abuse, the first step to healing is to listen to them. Just listen to them, no judgment. Just listen to their story. Thank you so much for listening to our program today. I am Kara David for iListen.

Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you so much for having me.