Hello my loving Tiffany Thinks family, it is my CT scan day. I have been really anxious, I'm not going to lie, I've been very very anxious, didn't sleep the best yesterday. I think I've just been in my thoughts and I've been... So the plan was to have this scan after six sessions of chemo but my tumor markers keep going higher and higher so the doctor booked in for this scan to be done
now so I've had four sessions of chemo. It's non-stop. I am very early, I didn't want to sit at home, I just kind of wanted to drive here, park up. I'd rather be early, you know, and I feel like when I was at home I just kept overthinking things and I just needed to get out so it was nice to kind of drive listen to some music it's just been it's really tough to kind of think about everything that's going on you know when you're like some days I'm fine I will kind of block it out and kind of live every moment and just be in the moment but in
those days like today when you have a scan and you think this is kind of everything like this scan is so important and it tells us why the tumor But in these days like today when you have a scan and you think this is kind of everything, like this scan is so important and it tells us why the tumour markers are going up and up and up, like why is it not staying stable? And I think I don't want to know. I don't really want to know why things are happening and I feel like they have to know.
You know, some people, I think through this cancer journey, everyone is different and I always say this, don't feel like there is a right way because there isn't. Like some people need to know every single information, every single detail, every single result, every single blood test result, every single markup.
But for me, I kind of, I feel like I'm in a better place when I don't know too much and I know that might be very silly of me but for me it's just kind of what works when I know too much information I get really worked up and I get really upset and I think about it too much and with that's just me and I think that's okay whereas there's other people that will do all the research and will want to know every single detail and everyone deals with
things differently but with me, sorry I haven't even done anything, I'm just gonna put my hair up, yeah, with me I just I kind of want to block it out and just live my life because everything is out of my control, You know, everything is just out of my control. So, oh, I took off all my jewelry as well because I'm having the scan and I don't want to think about the jewelry. So I just kind of took everything off. For after the appointment I have some coconut water which I'm very very excited to have
and I also have a massive nectarine it looks like an apple doesn't it this is a nectarine and I'm really excited to eat this after very very excited for my snack um I have had so many scans and I feel like each time I have a scan I'll say this is the most important scan this is the most important scan but
every scan is so important and this one is so important as well. I am parked up at this side of the hospital because I have to go upstairs for the CT scan reception and then I have to come back downstairs for the CT scan So this part of the hospital is kind of closer. So I've parked up here and And I'm also wearing the we got this hoodie I just wanted to feel really kind of snuggly and I just thought let's wear a hoodie, you know
Let's feel really nice and snug and cozy We say whenever we go to the hospital we've got to wear that we got this merch, there's always a link down in the description box below. I am all over the place today aren't I? I think once the scans done I will feel a lot like myself. I think, do you know what it is? I think it's the thought of, I think it's because you know this was meant to happen after the sixth cycle of chemo not the fourth so it's kind of made me feel it's so good you know what also I
am under the best hospital the best care because the fact that they're doing a scan so quickly because the tumor markers are going higher the fact that my team are on it and they're like right let's book you in for a scan honestly it's all so good it's's so so good, it's just I'm not in a good place right now. I think it's the lack of sleep, lack of food, you know. Just want to confirm the time of the appointment, yeah I'm very
very early. I've had it before and they did a scan, kind of like a baseline scan, so they've got that results and then they'll look at this scan results and then kind of compare the two, won't they? That's kind of what they'll do. Yeah, I'm, I think I'm a bit all over because lack of sleep, anxious, stressed, scared, hungry as well and just, yeah, I think that's why I'm a bit all over but let's go in, let's go sign in. They might see me earlier They might not but at least I'm all kind of checked in, you know, let's go
We used to park here all the time before the oak center. We used to park here all the time But now we park on the other side I'm really early but I have a CT scan.
I'm very early.
What's your name?
Tiffany.
Thank you so much. Thank you. I'm all checked in. I'm now going downstairs for the CT scan waiting area. I'll just wait in the waiting area here. Cannula is put in so now I'm waiting to have the actual scan. I've got the cannula in because I don't have the PICC line so this is done quickly. It's just so quick and then they'll
remove it once I've had the contrast put in
So nice to come out and the sun is shining and I feel happy it's all done I just oh
CT scan is done tick tick tick my darling should be at home now So I'm really excited to go see him and give him a massive cuddle Sun is shining, let's have some coconut water. Everything is dry because I haven't eaten anything. Okay, at least the scan is done now. I really worked myself up today about this gown and now it's done I kind of cannot think about it I don't want to think about it for a while and just really too much in my thoughts aren't I? I'm gonna listen to let's
listen to some Justin Biebs let's listen to him whilst we go home. Take a bite out of my nectarine. Mmm it's massive. I love these because they're so juicy. I like nectarines, peach, plums. I kind of like soft fruits over kind of apples and I like pears but if I had to pick between this and a pear I would pick this. I like kind of soft squishy fruits. That's delicious.
Hello everyone it's a few days later the port is okay it's still the arm is still sore but and it's a little bit bruised as well but they did say it will take about four weeks for it to really settle down I'm still using epi masks by the way because I've noticed my skin is getting a lot better it was definitely the panetumumab you know the chemo that I was on before, the immunotherapy chemo combination. I think it was definitely that, that was affecting
my skin and I'm still using the EpiMax because I really feel like it's really helping so I might as well just carry on. If you've been on my channel then you know like my face was just peeling especially around my nose area but now it's kind of got back to how it used to look. You know for me this chemo the oxalaplatin, oxyplatin it doesn't affect the skin for me I know everyone is different and the side effects are different for everyone so this one
doesn't affect my skin which is okay but I have been sleeping so much and I think I'm just so tired all the time and so whenever I feel tired I'll just kind of go into bed or just have a nap on the sofa and I just listen to my body I'm just taking it easy my arm is okay I just you know when you feel a bit cooped up when you feel like you've just been not doing much and I think it's good for me to kind of today I'm gonna go to M&S get a few bits and bobs I'm gonna get some bread some cheese just milk you
know just a few things it just means that I get to go out and you know I feel like just staying cooped up is not good for me. I'm also going to pop in to my mums because my nephew and my niece are there so I'm just going to go and play with them and cuddle them and just be with them as well. I'm going to keep myself kind of busy today and whenever I feel tired I'm just going to listen to my body and just sleep. I think that's really important because with chemo and with everything it's a lot right it's a lot on the body and if my body needs rest I'm going to listen
and that's kind of what I'm doing. I'm really happy that I've got the port as well I don't know if I've told you enough I have because I've talked about it a lot a lot but I'm very very happy that I have the port because it just means No one is asking me what is that wire hanging out or if I wear a t-shirt or You know, no one is looking at my arm. The port is underneath the skin So it's just a little bulge, but there's no wires hanging out, which is really really good. I'm very happy very very happy
I'm just waiting for it to kind of settle down a bit We got my little niece a little bike and she loves it We got her a little pink bike Matt and I and then we also got my nephew This we got him this Lego and the Lone Ranger he did ask for this I'm glad he asked for Lego because it just means that Matt and I can play with him and do this with him.
This is for 7 to 14 years old so I think it will be a little bit... I don't know it doesn't look very hard but there will be loads of pieces and we can just do that together and yeah that's all really. I just wanted to come on here and start the vlog how are you all I hope you're doing well and living your best life. I'm just gonna brush my hair before I pop into the shops. It does sound like I'm brushing my hair really hard but I'm not being very very gentle. It just makes
that loud noise I think it's because it's the tangle teaser. Oh I need to show you one of my friends got me this little notebook how beautiful look at the colors and the print as well and it comes with a little pen on the side here I haven't started using it I've been I don't know I feel like it's too pretty for me to use and I don't know what to write in it and I don't know I'm thinking about maybe having this as my gratitude book
or I have a gratitude section in my bullet journal. My bullet journal is here. You all know I have a gratitude page every month for in my bullet journal But I don't know maybe I could have a whole Book on my gratitude and then it's all in one place and then I can open it up and then whenever I'm feeling a bit low I've got this book and then I can just read out what I'm grateful for and what I don't know What do you think? What do you think I should write in here and I was also thinking about recipes like
Amma's recipes, Matt's recipes, I don't know it's just so pretty I love it so much and the pen is so cute it's purple purple and gold purple and gold pen and it's so slim do you know what I also love about this is the paper. I know it sounds really odd but I really like the paper. I really, I don't know, I just really like it. You know when a notebook is so nice as well,
you don't want to use it, you just want to keep it forever, but I do need to kind of, I just kept it on my table because it's so pretty. I love it. You all know what I'm like with stationery and notebooks and pens and so yeah. Let's go to the shops get a few bits. I'm gonna ask Amma if she needs anything as well. See the kitties and just have a good day. You know, just have a relaxing good day. I'm not gonna think about anything. I'm not going to be in my thoughts. I'm not going to think about anything I'm not going to be in my thoughts I'm not going to I'm just gonna take it easy you know I don't want to overthink anything I've
been in a bit of I think I've been thinking a lot because I've had a bit of quiet time with resting up with my arm and just sleeping and I think I've had a lot of quiet time and you know when you have too much quiet time you overthink things and for me I've been thinking about the tumour markers a lot, scan and there's just a lot going on in my mind and I think, I don't know, even with YouTube I haven't really been posting. You know normally I have a bit of a structure with posting on Thursdays and Sundays and
with these videos I enjoy making videos because I get to talk to you and I also get to edit and be on the computer and take my time editing, you know. But I've just kind of stepped back and I haven't been posting as much. I haven't had, you know, but I've just kind of stepped back and I haven't been posting as much. I haven't had, you know, a schedule and I like that. It is nice to have no pressure or no schedule, but in the same breath.
I feel like when I do post the videos it gives me, like I know on Thursday and Sunday a video goes out, but because I've kind of stepped back, I don't't know I don't know if any of this makes sense it's it is nice not to have a structure and just to be I kind of go with the flow rather than be very strict with posting videos or having to film a video you know it's it's kind of I don't know I don't know I'm just taking it easy and I think that's important right now With everything that's going on. I think that's okay to kind of
Have no pressure on anything I always say kind of stress and worrying and all of that isn't good for the body and right now in this moment in my life, I just have to put me first. But in the same breath, I love, love, love making videos. I love talking to you, I love editing, I loved all of that as well. So it's just kind of, yeah, I'm gonna go with the flow,
have no structure. I think also because my birthday's coming up I feel... you know when you just want to have a little break and I feel like with my birthday, my birthday is August 15th by the way, but yeah I just want to kind of I wish I didn't have to have hospital in my mind you know, cancer in my mind. It'll be nice to kind of have a little break from it all but in the same breath I know I can't so I don't know we'll just have to kind of go with it. I just feel like we just have to go with the
flow, my birthday will happen and we'll just have a nice day you know we'll do something nice even if it's just to go for a walk or go to Nando's. I feel like for my birthday even if I get to go for a walk I'll be very very happy you know just to be outside and fresh air. I feel like I've just been talking at you let's get on with the day I got a few bits I also got the kids and this Colin the caterpillar chocolate
mousse I just thought I'll get them that and I got my darling some cookies because he absolutely loves the M&S cookies.
I am, oh, so bright. I am here at Amma's now.
There's Asti and there's baby Ella. Say hello! And Amma. Hello.
Amma's cooked up so much food. Amma, what's this? Lentil? No. Lentils and spinach. Chicken curry. This is I think I make beetroot.
Oh beetroot.
I'm going to show you something.
Yeah go on then.
What is it?
What is it?
Enclose it.
Oh you can open it and close.
And Emma's also got
Look at that! It's steamed up Chicken wings
It's a pencil case
It's a post It's for pencils I get this lollipop
We got this lollipop We got this lollipop Now we share our lollipops together
Now we share our lollipops together.
Ella, you want Chitty to open yours?
There you go.
Should I open yours?
Yes. Mmm! Do this one.
There you go, one for Ella Bella.
Cheers.
Say cheers to each other.
Cheers.
Cheers. That's a heart lollipop. We got this blue lollipop. Cheers! Say cheers to each other. Cheers! Cheers!
That's a heart lollipop.
Is that, we got this blue lollipop?
Yeah.
We got this blue heart.
I got a heart lollipop yesterday and this one when I... I got a heart lollipop yesterday and this one when I...
Tiffany thinks I'm a leaf.
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