Bobby Lee & Andrew Santino on Joe Rogan, Joke Stealing, Taylor Swift-Travis Kelce & Kevin Hart

Y 'all live long, y 'all live right.

Who's y 'all?

The Asian community.Yeah, Blue Zones.Y 'all eat healthy, y 'all, you know, drink that sake.Yeah, yeah, yeah, the sake, yeah, yeah.And we walk like this.

Somebody used to smoke.Yeah, yeah, yeah.And this is so good for your blood flow.Look at this.No pain.

Can you do that?No pain.If I got in that position, I'd be there tomorrow.

We would first like to thank Double Barrel and the Whiskey Shop for having us today's episode of Club Shea Shea.

If you're in Beverly Hills, come by for a drink in this elegant lounge.onto today's episode.Hello, welcome to another episode of Club Shayshay.I am your host, Shannon Sharp.I'm also the proprietor of Club Shayshay.Stopping by for conversation and a drink today.

Two of the most exciting comedians to watch in the industry.The host of one of the top comedy podcasts on YouTube.They're highly accomplished global standup comedians, hugely popular hosts, hilarious TV stars, famed movie actors, multi -talented performers, entertainers, and writers with over 2 million subs on YouTube, millions of downloads.Please welcome, Andrew Santino and Bobby Lee from Bad Friends to Club Shea Shea.How you doing, guys?Shea!

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Shea!Shea!Shea!Shea!Shea!Shea!

Shea!Shea!Shea!Shea!Shea!Shea!

Shea!Shea!Shea!Shea!Shea!Shea!

Shea!Shea!Shea!Shea!Shea!Shea!

Shea!Shea!Shea!Shea!Shea!Shea!

Shea!Shea!Shea!Shea!Shea!Shea!

Shea!Shea!

Shea!Shea!

Shea!SheYeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.Well, look, normally, Andrew, I know you're a whiskey drinker.Bobby, you're going to have to turn your back on this one sober.No, no, no, no.

He's sober now.I'll relapse for you.No.I'll relapse right now for Andrew.Yeah, yeah, yeah.Cheers.

Guys, thank you guys for coming.Cheers.Cheers.Cheers.Cheers.Cheers.

OK.OK.Mm.Mm. 1938?Yeah.Actually, uh, 2026.

Oh, 2026.Oh.June 24th.We just bottled it.Is this cognac?This is cognac.

Yeah, it's very nice.This is my cognac.This is VSOP.VSOP.Very special.Yes, very special.

Very special.

When I relapse, I will drink that.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, hopefully that doesn't happen.We don't want that to happen.So how are you guys doing today?

Very good.We feel...

You wanna do though.

Yeah, a little bit.Yeah, okay.We're good.We're very good, yeah.We've been friends for a very long time.Long time.

And then we started this.

Long time, like.A decade.

Vietnam.Two tours.I was fighting.I was on the other team.He was on the other side.We won.

We won that war.I am Korean, but they drafted me.

His family took me in and I ended up living with them.Learned the language, learned the culture.And then we moved back to the States and we started a podcast as well.

So it's great.What an American story.The podcast, because you guys are stand -up comedians, you are in movies.What made you guys to start to do a podcast?

Well, because Hollywood said no.You know what?I mean, there is a system here in Hollywood that eventually, you know, for me, it's like, we have the Asian of the year.I was never the Asian of the year.

Not once.

Not one time.I was always fifth place.Right.Right.So it's like, you know, there was a decade, the Ken Jeong decade.Yeah, every year.

Yeah.And then there was the Ronny Chieng decade.Then Jimmy O. Yeah.Jimmy O. Yang, right, right?I was always like fourth and fifth on the list.Damn.

Right?So I never beat those guys out.So, you know, what does one do?You know what I mean?You have to create your own thing.

But I thought, you know, you remove two out of three.Kill him.

I see murder, yeah, yeah.I've thought about it.Yeah, yeah, I know where they live and stuff, but I've never done that before, so it's like, yeah.Yeah, and my family comes from a family of ninjas, but I never really learned.

How did you guys, so how did you guys get into the movie business?Because you see a lot of comedians and they say the next step is either doing TV or doing the movies.You know, you're doing sitcoms or you're X, Y, and Z. Well, I'll explain something to you, Shannon.

On a scale of, you know how they rank NFL players?Yes.Right?Yes.So on ranked actor -wise, we get ranked on skills and looks.Okay.

Our skills are quite high.Right.Our looks are quite low.Okay.So we don't get to decide they get to pick.So they say, do we want a strange -looking Korean man?

That's shaped like a scallop.

A scallop boy and a see -through ginger boy in this movie.And they decide, do we need an odd -looking creature?And that's when we get yes or no.So we don't get to decide.

I've seen his penis.

It's translucent.

See -through.Yeah, it's like one of those Vietnamese spring rolls, where you can see all the inside.You see all the blood working.You know what I mean?I don't want to see all that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.So it's like, you know what?I think, guys, since we're they're saying no to us in Hollywood.We start our own thing.

Yeah, yeah, that is exactly what so stand up comics have always done the podcast thing for a long time.And then we started our podcast during COVID during COVID.His dad died.My dad died.Sorry to hear that.And then he relapsed because of his dad's death.

Yeah.And then when he got out, we started the show to help our to help us to get.

Well, I mean, during covid, we had nothing to do.We just called each other and says, like, we're on lockdown.So let's just start one.You both.California, right?

Yeah, we live here.But that's a different, COVID in California was different than COVID anywhere else.When they said it was lockdown, it was lockdown.

It was lockdown, it was lockdown for sure.Well, I don't know, because we went to French Laundry with Gavin Newsom.That was fun.That was very fun.

Yeah, that was very fun, yeah.

We locked down with each other in our studio.We got a little studio with all of our crew, and then it was just us every week.And then we had a girl on our show, Rudy, who's like his kind of daughter, niece, and she was there to protect him to make sure he wouldn't go get cigarettes or fast food, and she ended up being on the show.She's a main feature of the show.And that spawned, the Bad Game Show that we're doing now.

Yeah, yeah.We plugged out that band.

Oh, I'm sorry.Yeah, you don't open with that.I don't know how this works.Yeah, yeah, yeah, you do.I've never done this before.

I wanna have some more whiskey from you.Yeah, sure.

You two guys were in GOAT with Steph Curry.Yeah.You guys being able to improv and read the scripts and do that at the stroke of, you know, action, GOAT, you can GOAT.Because I did a commercial with Martin Lawrence.And it's funny to watch him.He's just so, he just laid back.

He doesn't do a whole lot of talking.He's just to himself.And the moment the director says, action, he's going.I imagine Steph Curry, this is not what he does.Basketball, he got really good at basketball.It was kind of like, if you guys go try basketball, you're like, he's probably looking at you guys like, damn.

But I would imagine him, him wanting to be great at everything.He's saying, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Have you seen him bowl?I am a bowling.He's a bowling God.I'm only two 87.Tell him your golf stats.My golf stats.

I'm a golf guy.Bowling, golf, darts, shuffleboard, ping pong.

I'm an athlete.I'm a ping pong master.Shannon.I don't know about ping pong.

I might, I will destroy you.

No, no, no, no, no.no, no, no.No, no, no, no, no.Stop, stop.I know your status.This is tough.

I know your status, right?I know who you are.You know what I mean?Three, um.Super Bowls.I was going to say that.

OK, my bad, my bad.Yeah, I was going to say three Super Bowls, all right?But let me tell you something right now.OK.Miss, thank you for having me on.

Very nice.

Thank you for having me on.You think you can beat me at table tennis?I will kill you in table tennis.There's not a chance in hell.It's in his blood.It's in my blood, dude.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Yeah, sneaking around, I can sneak around better than you.Now, I understand.Yeah.

You're Asian, right?No.

I'm white.I have jaundice.Yeah.Yeah.I'm sick.I'm a sick Asian guy.

He's going through something.I'm going through something right now, dude.All right.Yes, I'm Korean.

Have you heard of us?Yes, I have.You're high and mighty.But you're not Chinese.

Those are white.

Those are table tennis.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.But you're not Chinese either.You're not Chinese either, right?You're not known for that.Is that racist?That felt racist.

No, that's what I'm saying is that you're not known.I had General Joe's chicken.Does that count?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.That does count.That does count.Wait a minute, wait a minute.

General, General Sous?Yeah, yeah, yeah.I thought they said Joe's.That's what they call it.We call it, it's called General Chow's or Joe's.

Wait a minute.It's not Joe's.In the black community, it's called General Joe's?Yeah, we don't say Chow's.That is so funny.Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Jenny Joe's chicken.Yeah, yeah.No, General Sous.No, we had, I had orange chicken too.Yeah, yeah.That's my, that's my people.

What about Pound Express?What?What's Pound Express?Pound Express is Chinese.Oh yeah, well see.Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I had that last night.You eat that?

What do you mean, do I eat that?You can go to Mr. Chow's.You have the money to go to Mr. Chow's.They ain't got Mr. Chow's in the airport.

That's true.That's true.They need it in the airport.That's a good point.That's a good point.That's a good point.

That's a good point.That's a good point.That's a good point.That's a good point.That's a good point.That's a good point.

That's a good point.That's a good point.That's a good point.That's a good point.That's a good point.That's a good point.

That's a good point.That's a good point.That's a good point.That's a good point.

That's a good point.That's a good point.That's a good point.That's a good point.That's a good point.

That's a good point.That's a good point.

That's a good point.That's a good point.That's a good point.That's a good point.

That's a good point.

That's a good point.

That's a good point.That's a good point.That's a good point Oh, OK.

Would I get that kind of money?

But you have NFL money.Yeah, but not like current NFL players.Oh.I was 30 years ago.

Yeah.Oh, that was different back then?It was very different.Really?

Very, very, very, very, very different.Yeah, yeah.Like, how different, though?It's a scorching sports summer and you can make all your picks on Prize Picks.The WNBA and baseball seasons are heating up.And with big tennis slams and major golf tournaments on the horizon, you can make your picks for all of these events all summer long on Prize Picks, a number one sports pick app.

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Use code Shannon to get $50 instantly in lineups when you play your first $5 lineup.That's code Shannon to get $50 in lineups after you play your first $5 lineup.Prize picks, a preferred partner of the NBA.Uh, guys get an assigning bonus what I've made in my entire career.

Oh, my God, that's not fair, because you're a legend.

You gotta realize guys are making more money now than whatsome teams were actually purchased for.

Whoa, that's insane.That's not fair.

Guys in the 60s and 70s said it wasn't fair what the guys in the 80s and 90s were making.And what the guys said, what guys are making now, the guys in the 80s and 90s.

Do you think NFL players should make more than NBA players?

I don't think, you know, they play, I mean, it's so, I just wish the NFL player salaries were guaranteed.Like NBA players, like MLB players, like hockey players, things of that nature.That's what I do wish.But it's hard to say because baseball, you play 162 games.Basketball, you play 82 games.I don't know how many games they play in hockey.

But it is, it's a physical, a very, very physical demanding sport and it leaves its tolls on your body once you're done.So hopefully guys are making money now Guys didn't make a whole lot of money back in the 50s, 60s, and 70s.So it's easy to say, well, you should have saved your money.And they made good money compared to a guy that's working a nine to five.But it wasn't like the money that guys are making, you know, one year, what guys made their entire, you know, you'd have to play 25 years in the 80s to make what a guy makes one year.

Okay, who's getting a salary that they don't deserve?Go.No, everybody deserves it.

You have to realize what you do, because it's not so much, like an actor.It's not so, what did he go through just to get that one job?Yeah, we get the Juilliard and we get all that other stuff, but it's a lifetime.What about all the no's?

I mean, we went through hell too, Shannon.Open mic, open mic for a decade, no money, in front of three people.But everybody, why you get so aggressive?Why are you getting so aggressive with me?

Everybody, everybody that does open mic.And we had this conversation the other night on nightcap for everybody that's successful.There are a lot of people that put just as much time, effort and energy into it.that didn't become successful.And they did exactly what you did.They ate the same way.

They trained just as hard.They were just as disciplined and dedicated, but it just didn't work out.And they were chosen.

You're a chosen.You're a chosen.Yeah, you're chosen.You were chosen.Also, the people that we started with that like, you did open mics with us, right?They don't have the quality, not in terms of like, but we'll stab people in the back.

You know what I mean?We'll do, you know what I mean?You take out your enemies.You take out your enemies.Oh, so you were the golden child.

I was the golden child.Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.Like I was an emperor, sure.Like a 17th century emperor, yeah.And I would like behead who I needed to behead, right?I would do sneaky little...

Exactly.Point gone.Yeah, but we were survivors.Yeah.And I was able to, like, because to the other extent, I started in the 90s.OK.

There weren't a lot of Asian dudes in the 90s.No.The only one you know, honestly, the only.Who do you know from the 90s?Margaret Choi.Cho.

Cho.Yeah, yeah, yeah.

She's the only one.I think Ali Wong now.Yeah, Ali Wong, Ali Wong.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Jimmy O. I had Jimmy O. on the show.

Yeah.It's unbelievable that you would have Jimmy O. Yang on your show before us.Yeah.That is absolutely.But anyway, let's move on.I get it.

Yeah, you get it.He's hot right now.Yeah, he's hot right now.I love Jimmy.He tore the Achilles, didn't he?Yeah, he's Achilles heel.

What'd you say?What was he doing?

I don't know what he was doing.I see him riding around.He got a boot on a scooter.

Yeah, yeah.

He tore his Achilles?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.He did.Cooking?What was he doing?I don't know what he was doing.Wow.

Yeah.Taekwondo, I don't know.Yeah.But no, but we, back in the 90s, it was just me and Joe Koi in the open mic scene, right?And it's like, you know, club owners were like, like, I had like agents and everyone goes, an Asian guy's never gonna make it.Really?

Oh yeah, because back then, look, in the 90s, a guy that looks like me, never gonna make it.There was no way.And so I had that extra thing on me.And because I'm Korean.Yes, you know and we have this thing because we were oppressed for so long with the Japanese 60 years we have this like, you know, I mean the strength, you know, I mean and there's resentment Yes, and this I'm gonna go walk through the fire, right?I will walk through any fire my friend Yeah, so if I was athletic like yourself, yes, I think that I would have made it in there You didn't play sports growing up ping -pong No, I was on the tennis team and wrestling team.

Yeah.Yeah, if you were five foot two, if you look like Spanky Hayes or Kevin Hart, I'd be able to take you on.But my point, yeah, but I have, you know, HRS, which is hidden strength.You know what I mean?Let me cut that out.Yeah, but like I'm very strong like, you know, I mean, I'm very strong, you know, yeah, but I'm just I don't have the like Physicality because my parents were little yellow dwarves, you know, I mean, yeah And so it's like, you know when you have little yellow dwarf parents, you're gonna become a minion myself Yeah, so when you working when you was working with Steph Curry Did you see the kind of dedication that made him what he became in basketball?

Do you see that when you get people that's not in your genre?that doesn't do this for a living, and they come and they try to do it.Do you see them put the kind of effort in to be great at what they're doing?

Shannon, we didn't even see him.We didn't see him.Really?At the premiere, I saw him from like three miles away, and I go, oh, that's Steph Curry.So y 'all were never on the set?Steph!

Steph!We were in the movie too, Steph!

Steph, please!And he's just gone.We never saw him.He left in a spaceship.

I did a TV show where Ellen DeGeneres was my producer.Never met her.

Well, we we met Steph outside of the movie, okay during the filming we don't were it was just him and I in the booth Yeah, just him and I in the booth.We were together and then they separate all those people.So like, you know, like Toy StoryYes, yes, yes.

Those guys aren't recording together.

They're all doing separate stuff.

Kind of like Shrek and everything.

Yeah, you never see them.Okay, okay.At the premiere, you see them sometimes, but Steph, he's on another planet.Another planet.He's like a, he's an enigma.He comes in and kind of comes and goes.

So no, we didn't get to see him, but...Yeah.I do know he's the greatest shooter of all time, and you do see his work ethic.

I have met him as well.He used to have this dating show, I think on HBO or something, and my girlfriend at the time and I did it, and we won.We cheated, but we won.Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, you did?That's right.She's not your girlfriend anymore?Yeah, we did cheat.We did cheat.They won.

Yeah, we cheated.She's not your girlfriend anymore?

No, no, no, no, no.

Rest in peace.

We lived for something like this.We were ventriloquists, you know what I mean?And we cheated.

Andrew, but you were in the house party with LeBron.Did you see LeBron on set?Wasn't there.Damn!

They keep us away from it.I think it might be us.It could be us, yeah.House Party was a fun little pop in and pop out.Anytime I get to pop in and pop out.He loves pop in and pop out.

And my goal at that point was how many black cultural films can I be a part of?That was my thing.I'm looking on, if Friday makes any sort of a comeback, I'm looking to come back.I know, I'm trying.Trust me, I'm sneaking my nose in there.I want to get back.

Shannon, why do you think that black ladies don't like me?

And why do you think black women do like me?

Listen, I tried for, 55 years old, hit on so many, like nah, right?You think they think they have a small penis?Do you really think that?Look at me right now.Look at me right now.Honestly, right?

Do you think they think that I have a small penis?

I think based on the history with the Asian community and the black community.Yeah, I see.I see.Yeah, they kind of not feeling you.

Oh, you think so?You think historically, like during the 90s?

Yeah, we see the Natasha Harlan situation.Oh yeah, that was terrible.We saw what happened.But I was on her side.Right.

I'm not a rooftop Korean.You know the Koreans that were on the liquor stores on the rooftop?I'm not one of those.I was looting.I was looting with you guys.Come on, JJ!

And we're carrying TVs together.I was, like, on your side.In the South Carolina situation?Yeah, I was on your side.

So I think that might have something to do with it.

Yeah.But it's not, is it penis size?I don't know.I don't know what that is.Let me ask you another question.Do you think that I have a, like, just based on by what you see, right, do you think I have a small penis?

I mean, let's be honest.

Be completely honest with me.

Statistically, they say Asian men are not as blessed.True.No.Not true.But you are good at mathematics.No, no, no.

No, no, no.I'm good with an abacus.

No, he's actually not good at math.I'm not good at math.

I'm not good at math.Let me tell you something.So you just cursed all the way around.Yeah, yeah.Yeah, yeah.So let me tell you something right now.

You're funny.

He's very funny.

I'm very funny.But I just want to say something right now to you.OK, my friend.OK.Your new friend.And mine's boyfriend day.

And what that means is every girl that I've ever been with is like, it's the perfect size.Yeah, to come home to on a regular basis.Yeah.No one wants to see a Godzilla every night.They don't want that.You know what I mean?

They want, you know what I mean?You have Godzilla.And I know, I know.Just by the look, your feet, right?You know, it's scary.So what I'm saying is that not every night, they don't want to be scared every night, right?

But mine's a gentle, like average, you know what I mean?

But I'm trying to figure out why they don't like you because women like to laugh.and we're normally with comedians people that can be funny what what did they say sense of humor women like that's very high up on their list how many black women have you ever seen with asian men in public black women with asian men normally it's the other way around i know ever seen a black woman with an asian man in public i can't say that i have And that's a mystery we must solve right now.

Yeah, we have to solve it.Listen here.Listen here, Black America.Start dating Asian men.No, not Asians in general.That's too specific.

Korean men.Cambodian, Vietnamese, let's go through them.Thai.Thai.Filipino.Filipino, yeah, yeah, Filipino.

Oh, they're more Mexican.That's true.Yeah, yeah, yeah.They're more island Mexicans.Yeah, yeah, yeah.So, black ladies out there, we have boyfriend penises, right?

loyal, we're soft.Touch, I mean, go, touch my skin.Touch his skin.Touch my skin.

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For full safety info, go to ro .co slash safety info.So fellows stay confident, stay ready, and let's get them sparks flying when the moment is right.If we were to ask the girlfriend that you was dating on a dating show, Would she say you were loyal?

Yeah.Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.I've never cheated on anybody, right?And, you know, relationships end in different ways, intimacy problems and whatnot, right?Back then, I had a porn, kind of like a porn addiction, you know what I mean?That fucked up my relationship with my life.

Damn!Yeah, yeah.But I stopped watching porn because I want my new relationship to survive.Right.Right?But what I'm telling you right now is I want to say to the world, right, that I have boyfriend dick, right?

And also, if I'm single again, I've never dated a black woman.I find them very attractive.Yeah.And you want one.I want to date one, yeah.

Yeah.Are you dating with, are you like, okay, because now you're going to hear intent.

Are you dating with the intent to be married or are you dating just to date?I'm looking for a life partner, but I think the one I'm dating right now, she's a white.She's a wife.She's a new age white, though.She's a new age white, yeah.She's not like the old white.

She's not old white.She's not 1950s white.She's like a new hip white.

Hip white, progressive.

She doesn't know what Pearl Harbor is.

Oh, OK.Yeah, yeah, yeah.

She knew what Pearl Harbor was.

You ain't got no step wife.No.No, no, no, no, no, no, no.Like, when she's with me, you can tell.I think maybe she has a fetish.Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

She's a kink.Yeah, she has, like, nunchucks at home.Everything's in bamboo.You know what I mean?I'm like, maybe she has a fetish, but like, yeah, but elsewhere.like she gets, cause she's a Midwest girl.

Yeah.And when you get a Midwest white and you're a chubby little Korean dude like myself, you know what I mean?You know what I mean?It's victory.Is she, she younger, she younger than you?What do you mean?

She's younger than you, like age wise.She's, I'm 55 in September.Yeah.How old are you, Shannon?I'll be 58 on Friday.Wow.

All right.And she's 35?Damn, is that?No, that's perfect.Look at Pacino.Look at Pacino.

Look at Pacino.Look at Pacino.54 year difference.Didn't he just have a kid?Yeah.I mean, this is the difference between Pacino and me, okay?

Oh my God.All right, I'm 54 right now, right?Yeah, yeah.There's a 54 year age gap between him and his wife or whatever, right?That's like if I went to Andrew and I went, hey, I'm going to the hospital, my girlfriend's about to be born.Crazy.

That's the age gap.It's insane.Right?So I think 20 years is fine.Yes.Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I mean, you're married, right?No.All right, so you're dating?Yes.What is your age gap?

You're 58.I guess you're supposed to half your age plus 7.You can't go lower than that.Half your age plus 7?Yeah, so what's half your age?27.

Plus 7.Plus 7, 34.You're right in your wheelhouse.Thank you.

It takes me a long time.I told you, the agents, almost all of them can do math.

They can do it, but it takes me a little, I have a little pause.

When you have an abacus, you can slide it.Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.It's easier.It's easier, yeah.So next time I'm single, I just - Black ladies, please come see Bobby.Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Please.I mean, can I just say - But you got a girlfriend, ain't nobody gonna be interested now.And she could be my life partner.All I'm saying is that if, perhaps if I'm ever single, that I would like, I like booty.Oh, so, oh.I like the booty.

So the black women got the dump truck, you like that.

Yeah, yeah, I like it, you know?Yeah.You know what I mean, part the C's, per se, you know what I mean?You know what I mean?Yeah, yeah, yeah.Maybe a little fart comes out, I don't know, you know what I mean?

No, we don't, we don't.Oh, we don't do it?Okay, well this is my fetish.But my point is this, is that like Asian women, I like them too, but their asses are a little bony.But you've dated Asian women your whole life.No, not his whole life.

No, not my whole life.No, I've dated two Asian women, maybe.That's it?That's right!That's right!I do white, Mexican, everything.

Maybe you got a fetish.I don't dare you, sir.No, when I go to 31 Flavors, right, I try all the ice cream.I just don't want to get just mint chip the whole time.You try all the flavors.I want to try chocolate.

No, yeah, yeah, yeah.Just tell your friends.

I don't know, the problem with chocolate is it's a rocky road.It's a rocky road, okay, okay.All right.Have you dated a black woman?One of my first girlfriends was, shout out to Tanisha, she was one of my first girlfriends.And I loved her very much, but.

Yeah.See, gingers are considered minorities.Careful.

In my opinion.In the white community.

In the white community, I think gingers are the.We are the outcasts.

Like that camera guy, him and I, we don't.Y 'all don't get along.Different teams.Yeah, different teams.And I don't know, we may get along just fine.I get along with all kinds of people, but in the white world, I am not them and they're not us.

They're not us, yeah.

There's a friction.Well, they pushed us out at a young age.So I found myself in other groups.

He was bullied.Sure.

Yeah, yeah.

Pippi Longstocking.Right.

You know what I mean?Stuff like that, you know?You remember Andy Griffith?I do.Opie.Opie.

Yeah, there goes Opie.But all the minorities liked me because they were like, oh, he'san outside white.Yeah, I love outside whites.He loves outside whites.I don't like inside whites.

He hates inside whites.

They're dangerous.They're dangerous.Inside whites, you see what they can do.You can see wars.

Yeah, they're good at the war.

They're so good at the war, dude.Inside Whites are the best at that.Like Pete Hexeth, Inside White.He's on Outside, you know what I mean?

Yeah, no.You were both in a movie with Adam Sandler.What's it like working with Adam?Oh my god, I can't.

Adam I love Adam a few times.Yeah, I love him Adam is uh I don't know how to say it.It sounds like work.He's like that.He's King He's one of our favorite people to ever be in comedy.It's a it's you know when you see man Yeah, there's several Kings.

He's one of the Kings.He's one of the King.Yes, you know and it's like He calls you do it.Yeah, you call you do it like last like last night.I went to the Larry David Premiere for his new show King Larry David is a king, right?He cut me out of the show.

He called me last week and goes, I'm sorry you didn't make the cut, right?But he goes, still come.And normally, if it wasn't him, if they cut me - You cut me out, I'm not coming.I'm not coming.But with him, he respectfully called me.He goes, I'm so sorry.

I'll look out for you the next time.Which I believe him.He's one of those guys.And he's a king.I'll show up.Who's a king to you?

Yeah, who's a king to you?

Who would you, no matter what the call, when the call, where the call, you're gonna go, if they need you?Obama.No?I meant in his industry, I meant like an athlete.Oh, you're talking about, oh.Like an athlete that's a king to you, that's like, because these are comedians to us that are our like.

Peyton Manning.

Yeah, Peyton.

We show up for Peyton.

Yeah, you show up for Peyton, yeah.

Let's call him that.You'll go anywhere.

You'll go anywhere for Peyton.

No, I ain't going anywhere.

Can we call him right now?No, no, no, no, no.Shannon, we should call him.Let's call him.I'm trying to think.I probably, I'm not really, really close to a whole lot.

I would, Travis Kelce.

This is a good, this is a good thing.

My buddy, I love Travis.

I'm trying to think, hold on, hold on, let me see.

Currently playing.Well, like Michael Jordan, what if he called you?Yeah, I know him a little bit.

Yeah, but if Jordan called you, and it says, hey, I'm in Panama, you wanna play chuckers?

You gotta come to Panama.

I mean, would you go to Panama?We'll film it.

I'm trying to think who I'm really close with.LeBron.If LeBron called, I would show up.Yeah, you have to show up.I'd show up for LeBron.Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Whatever he wants.Whatever he wants.He says, Shannon, we have to bury this body.Cut it up.I'm in St. Bart's.Can you be here?

No, I can't.OK.You wouldn't cut bodies for anybody?

No.

Let me tell you something.OK, yeah.We'd cut for each other.

What?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

If Sandler called and said, hey, buddy, you're shooting this thing.You got to kill a guy.

We'd do it.Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It depends on who it is.No.No, it doesn't.Yeah, yeah, yeah.No.OK.

No.I'd kill for him.

I'd just do what he does.

We'd kill for Sandler.Yeah, yeah.

How different, Adam, how different is he, like, being around him?Because you guys kind of know him.Because he seems like a very quiet guy.You look at him, he's so unassuming.I watch him on the basketball court, and I'm like, bro, you out there with a button down and some Hawaiian shorts on.He'll cross somebody, though.

Yes!Yes.

Yeah, no, he's good.Adam is a quiet, unassuming, very chill guy who's humble, but he's nasty at a lot of stuff.I mean, he's funny.Phenomenal.

What do you mean by nasty?

He's nasty at basketball.He's nasty.He's underrated.Oh, I see.I think people see the clothes and they go, no, no, no, he's nasty.He's nasty.

He's one of those guys, I don't know if anybody has anything bad to say about him.

I really don't know.I don't know, he's the nicest guy in the world, yeah.I mean, if you bring up a name, I will go off on that person, but he's not, Adam, I love, you know what I mean?If you bring up certain names, I would be like, okay, I got something.on my mind.

But he yelled at you because you kept messing up.What?

Yeah.

You kept messing up.Yeah, he did yell.How do you mess up your line?You're a professional.

He gets really nervous.

How do you get nervous?You've been, you've been.It wasn't, dude.

Can I get some more water, please?Can you get some more?Yeah, I'd like some more water, please.I'd like some more water, please.Thank you.I fucked up my lines.

How?

He fucked up his lines.

Because here's what happened, OK?OK, tell me what happened.All right, David Spade asked me to do this movie.Yes.To fly to Hawaii to do one line, two lines in a movie.And I go, ah, David, I don't want to fly all the way for two lines.

But it's a free trip.I know, but it's like, I know, I understand that, but it's like, I can afford Hawaii.I can afford Hawaii on my own, right?So I go, right?And then they go, Adam's here.See?

Yeah, he's a producer.Yes.Right?And then at the moment, I had a panic attack.Had you not met Adam before?I had.

OK, but let me just say something.OK.And then I was on my beta blockers.It was hot.And Hawaiian words, I have a hard time saying.OK.

It's stuff like that.Yeah.Right?And it was one of those lines where it's like, welcome to the Wakanagawahali Hotel.You know what I mean?May I help you?

And I couldn't say that.It was, like, so hot.Right.And he came up to me, and it was just basically like, what's going on?You know what I mean?I just can't.

It was just a frustrating day.You know what I mean?And I had to do, like, 30 takes.It was embarrassing.Damn.For two lines?

One line.

God dang!I shamed myself.How hard is that?Have you been on stage?and you see people that can't get their lines?And it's like, because when people mess up and you're doing something, you're like, damn, and you know they're messing up and you're like, you just like, you want to disappear for them.

Oh yeah.

Well, yeah, not in comedy.If someone's bombing on stage, I walk in.

Yeah, we want to see it.

We want to see it.We liked that.Yeah, because we love to see how they're gonna survive the situation, right?But when it comes to acting, yeah, it is a little embarrassing, but if you're a series regular on a show and you know this person, people have their off days.I'll tell you a story.I did a movie with Sacha Baron Cohen.

It was called The Dictator.And I had to do a scene with Ben Kingsley.

Sir Ben Kingsley.Sir Ben Kingsley.Sir Ben Kingsley.

And I was super nervous because I'm a comic.And I haven't acted much.And he's a master.And I was super nervous.And I remember when we were doing the scene, he kept saying, line.And in my mind, I was like, oh, even the greats forget.

Wow.And that taught me a lesson.of like, you know what I mean?Everyone makes mistakes.Right.You know what I mean?

Nicole Kidman probably makes mistakes.

Probably not.

All right.She's pretty good.Tom Hardy probably makes - Probably not.Leo, Leo?Leo definitely doesn't make any mistakes.Anyway, he made a mistake.

Yeah.A couple of mistakes.Bobby Lee does.

And so do I. We're human.We're human.And comics overthink everything, especially when we go into the world of acting, because when we're on stage, that's us.When we're acting, that's them.So you've got to do what they want you to do.

I don't know much about football.I don't know what a tight end does, but I'm pretty sure...Let me just assume what a tight end is.Can I try to guess?You're in the forward.He's in the forward.

You're not defensive.

He's not defensive.He's on the offensive.Now we're getting somewhere, right?He'll refer to me in soccer terms.

You're not a wide receiver, but you're in mid.You do blocking, but you're also...Yes, I also catch the ball.You still catch the ball.

Yes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.See?

That's very good.

You know Travis Kelsey?I do not.But I know that he's friends with them.What about Gronk?Oh, I did a TV show with Gronk.I love Gronk.

Gronk is a tight end as well.Yes.Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.He's a tight end as well, yeah.So I'm familiar with kind of, you know what I mean, football.But I mean, you know, it's not, here's the reason why.

Because I only support sports that have Asian dudes in it.So the Dodgers, I can go, yeah, Ohtani, Ohtani!Then I can imagine myself being Ohtani.But you were just talking bad about the Japanese.Some things we forgive.Some things we forgive.

Some things we forgive, right?Jeremy Lin, when he was playing, is that him?Yeah.The little Asian guy?For the Knicks.For the Knicks, right, right?

I'll go, look at the little guy go.You know what I mean?I like that.

You know what I mean?He got into basketball for a year and a half.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.Because of Jeremy Lin.Right.You know, in soccer, that's why I love soccer.Because, you know what I mean?We have, you know, Son, you know, plays for the LAFC.

You know what I mean?We have legends in the game of soccer.So I'm a big soccer fan.Did you guys make the World Cup?Korea?Yeah, we just played.

We're terrible.

Yeah, but he roots for North, not South.

Yeah, North Korea didn't make it.North Korea's not in.Kim Jong -un's my cousin.I have ballistic missiles, you know, at home.It's amazing.I don't know if you want to.

Come over, just come on over.

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You got yelled at.So, so let me, because like you said, you're in standup and obviously you have to remember your set.You're like, whether you got 20 minutes, whether you got 30, 45, maybe even an hour and you're just like rapid fire, rapid fire, how difficult it is because you only have, it's not like you're going through a whole blotter log in your line.So how, how would you, what did you, did you, Freeze?I got nervous.

Oh.I got nervous.That was one of my first, and it was The Office, so it was like a big deal.Yeah, absolutely, it was a big deal.And John Krasinski was directing it.Yes.

They were at that part of the scene, of that part of the, you know when like the shows are going on long enough and they're like, just let them do it.

Yeah, yeah.Well, they ask.

I know, but it's only after like the fifth, sixth year, they're like, fine, let them direct it.Yeah.But he was directing it.And it was me and Ed Helms and I got nervous because I respect both of them.And I'm supposed to smack his hand and I kept smacking his hand with the wrong hand.And John kind of, you know.

bluntly was like, stop fucking it up in a nice way.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Yeah, I'm getting paid 800 bucks for this.

I'm doing whatever the fuck I want.Yeah, I've had my spit on him Yeah, and they kicked me off the boat.No, I screwed up a lot.I kept screwing cares I know who gives a fuck but Ed Helms was very nice about it because he was very gracious as a comedic actor because he could tell I was trying to get a funny line in there and then do the smack and I kept screwing it up over and over and I felt Awful, and they didn't give me sunscreen and I burned So bad that day, but I deserved the burn.I deserved the burn, my performance was terrible.It was incredible, I saw it.

It was very bad.It was very good.

Okay, so I'm gonna say something.I did a pilot once with Oliver Hudson, you know who that is?I do.Who is he?

Oliver Hudson, if I'm not mistaken, that's a - Kate Hudson's brother.No, Kate Hudson's brother, but that's a, what's the name?Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell's son.

Yep.No, no, no.

Oliver, Kate, that's Goldie Hawn's son.

Don't forget the dad.

Yeah, stepdad, stepdad.Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn.Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So we did a pilot once, and he tells me, oh, everyone's here.The whole studio's here, and all the executives.And it was a street scene where him and I are walking down the street, and I go, I don't know if I'm so, I'm having a panic attack.

Wow.

And Oliver pulls me aside, and he goes, just focus, breathe.And we did a breathing exercise.And then he told me, he goes, I've had these things before.And he told me some stories about how he couldn't get some lines out.And he tried to get me psyched up.you know what I mean, ready for the scene, right?

And he did it, right?So my point is that what John should have done.and Ed Helms should have done, right, is pull you aside.No, no, no, no, fuck that.Fuck that shit, man.Pull you aside and help you and go, listen, we're gonna get this.

He did, he did, he did.I don't think he did.

I think they did a fine job.Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The best piece of advice I ever got was from John Hurd, that's his name, right?If I'm not forgetting, from the dad from Home Alone.John Hurd.

Yeah.

John Hurd.I think, no, I don't know.Look it up, look it up.He was in big, John Hurd, yeah.I did an indie movie with him, a terrible indie movie in Chicago.I'm not, the movie wasn't bad, I did a terrible job.

It was bad, I did a bad job.You're great.But John said, John was smoking in his chair.He's dead now, rest in peace.And he said to me, I go, man, I'm worried about this scene, it's pretty emotional, I think I'm doing a bad job.And he said, kid, people are gonna watch this on their phones.

It doesn't matter.And I was like, oh, that feels good.Yeah.Like they took me out of it.It was like, it's not that big of a deal.People are going to watch us while they're texting and driving.

Wow.It'll be on in the background.He's like, this is not going to be on.

Shannon, most people watch your show more than they watch network TV.

Yeah.

And yeah.And streaming or anything.

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Are you surprised?Did you ever expect the shift to be so dramatic to what it is?I remember having, uh, I think his name was Ryan Shedman and I had a conversation with him.It had to be like 99 or 2000 and he, I remember him telling me, he said, reality television is going to replace all what you see on network television.I said, why?He said, because it's cheaper.

Yes.He said, you start out paying somebody $500 an episode and you shoot X amount of episodes.And then when it gets really popular, as popular as it may be, you'll probably only have to pay them somewhere between $50 ,000 and $100 ,000 an episode.You get real actors, and they get on a TV show, and it becomes popular, you're going to pay them $500 ,000, a million dollars per episode, and you're shooting 23 or 24 of those.And just imagine, if you got four or five people in aepisode.

But think of how scary that is for us, because that's going backwards in the studio system.You'd be a hired actor.You're either a plumber actor, meaning you're just a hired gun for the day, or you signed a contract with a studio, and they owned your ass, and you had to do a bunch of shit, so then you got underpaid.So all the revenue that they generated from advertising and sales, you got zero.So it'd be like saying, You know, whenever somebody says like athletes get overpaid, it's the biggest crock of shit on earth.It is.

Because they're generating the money for the team.Right.So when the actors are generating the money for the show and the networks are selling all of this stuff on top of it, they should get paid.But nowadays, nobody wants to pay anything.No.So the only way to win is make it independently, put your money behind it.

Right.And then make them beg for it.Yes.And then overcharge them.Right.That's the only way we can do it now.

Well, no, fuck them a little bit.

That's the only way we can do it.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no and not at the cost of them making so much money and us making so little.

That's bullshit.Also we have, because of the internet, right?Back in the day, they used to have gatekeepers.Right, there's eight gatekeepers.If seven out of the eight of them don't like you, you have one gatekeeper.Me, it was a specific casting director named Allison Jones.

The best.She's the best.She was my gatekeeper.Right.Most of my work is through her.Yeah.

The other casting directors, I could never get work from, right?Right.So it's like now you're waiting for one casting director for one part that may or may not arise, right?So you're waiting for years, okay?And then you get it, and they go, there's no need.There's no money, right?

So yeah, yeah.

So why'd you call me?What?Well, I mean, you work for a living, right?If you call me for a job that's really not paying, I mean, how does that help?

But they don't care because they know you want the job.Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.They know you want a spot in the show.Yeah, yeah.So it's like, if you got an offer to play in the league, you want to play in the league.But for us, that's all we can do.

It's kind of like, you know what?You're not going to be on the roster.You're going to be on the practice squad.So you practice all week long.Nobody will ever see you.

We're all Rudy.We're Rudy.

We're Rudy.

We're Rudy.We're Rudy.

Rudy, Rudy, Rudy.

Wow.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.So is that kind of why you guys kind of started doing your own thing?Yeah.

Stand -ups all kind of wanted to get in this world of like, how do we reach our audience if we're not on TV?And so we started the podcast world.Bobby started a podcast with his ex -girlfriend called Tiger Belly 11, how many years ago?That's right.Yeah, 11 years ago.And I started my own podcast.

And then we had these two worlds and I was like, we should do this together.We should.What's that?We should.We should.And he said we should and we did.

She let you keep the IP?Bobby?They share it.

They share everything.So you have to break bread with her, so you win a little something, you know, you make a little.What do you mean break bread?What do you mean break bread?What do you mean break bread?You make money, she make a little money.

He makes money, she makes money, we make money.

I get a higher percentage, but yeah, I mean, yeah, yeah, I get a little higher percentage.Yeah, yeah, but yeah, yeah, I do break bread.I'm a bread breaker.He's a bread breaker.Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure, like in the Bible.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.Just like in the Bible.

Yeah, like, you know, if I was at that table, was it the Last Supper?Yeah.I would have break bread with her.I love Jesus.You would have been eating before anybody got their food.Yeah, I'd have some rice.

As soon as you'd said it.Yeah, and some kimchi.But we started, we started the podcast.I don't know if kimchi was available back then.

It was.Oh, no, no, no.Thousands of years.Thousands of years kimchi, white kimchi, regular kimchi.Whoa, whoa, whoa.Yeah, dog.

Jesus ate kimchi.He ate kimchi, yeah.Well, he could just magically make it appear.Yeah, he could ferment it within seconds.Yeah, with seconds.

Yeah, you don't have to bury that shit.I heard about brie, but I didn't hear about kimchi.

Yeah, it's in there.

It's in the text.

John, Paul, Mark, they all had kimchi.

They all had kimchi, right?Probiotics!Probiotics, yeah.They need the probiotics.

One of the original gifts for baby Jesus was gold, frankincense, and kimchi, but they didn't know if that would go over, so Murr kind of slid its way over.He liked Philly cheesesteaks, too.

Yes, he did.

Yeah, people don't know that.Chopped cheese, he loved it.Jesus loved chopped cheese.

They had cheese back in the day.

Yeah, of course they had cheese.Because they had cows, Shannon.Shannon, they had cows.They had goats.They had goats.You could goat's milk.

So we started a podcast as an answer to feeling like we didn't want that Sisyphus journey of like, how much longer do we climb the hill?We're like, well, we'll just do our own thing.And it's been great.And we still want to be a part of the world, but our little thing is our thing now.It's great.We love the audience we created.

Like Sex and the City, they go, you wanna do four, like reoccurring?And they called me, and I didn't have to audition, they just said, you wanna do it?I'll do that.I've been on different things, you know what I mean?And if they call me, but like, I'm not going to wait in line anymore.Right.

I did that.He did it for a long time.I did it for 20 plus years.I was just waiting in line and going, hey, you're in the mix.We'd love to be a part of it.

Don't you hate that?

Yes.You're in the mix.You're in the mix.We're an arc of the mix.Or those old terminology, like we pinned you.Yeah, we pinned you.

Yeah, but how many people have you pinned?Seven.Yeah, there's seven.Right.And then at the end of the day, they're like, yeah, you didn't get it.You know what I mean?

And then you have to wait another six months.

And it's like, have you got, have you thought, because I know you said earlier, there's not a whole lot of roles that are written for Asian X, Y, and Z. Have you thought about you and some of your Asian counterparts?Have you thought about writing something for Asian?Like crazy, what is it, crazy?Crazy rich Asians.Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He wasn't in that.

No, no, no, but I'm saying, have you thought about doing something like that?

Well, he's gonna do just crazy Asian.

Crazy Asian, yeah, yeah, yeah.Crazy broke Asian.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.You know, I have to say, there's elitism in the Asian community.Hollywood, damn.Y 'all don't get along?

No, no, no, it's not that.

But I think that they think I'm a dirty one.Yeah.And then they think I'm a dirty Asian.

What did they get that from?

Because they think that like I'm one of these, I'm carrying rice, you know, back in the 15th century, right?Right.Oh, we're working in the coal mine.I mean, I'm not like, you know, in the palace.Oh, so you're not smoking.Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think they look at me like this, like there's rotation.Yeah.There's this thing called the Golden Gala Award.It's, it's an Asian, You know what I mean?Excellence Awards.No, not Excellence Awards.

It's called the Golden Gala.Oh, Golden Gala.Yeah, yeah, yeah.And it's like all the fancy Asians come.Yeah.The Michelle Yao, the Stephen Younes, right?

And they're in this front row, right?I'm in the back!But you got an invite.I know.And I'm not a plus one.You can't invite anybody.

They don't give you a plus one.No, they don't even give me a plus one.So I'm like, you know, I'm not, I'm not a fancy Asian.I get it.You know what I mean?And I feel like that in my bones.

And then, you know, so you did, did you attend?Yeah.

No, no, this year I didn't go.I had gone before, but this year I was like, can I bring a guest?They go, no.And I have a girlfriend and I go, how am I going?Because I've seen the other Asians bring their spouses and loved ones and girlfriends and boyfriends, right?So I'm like, oh, I'm not, see, I have this resentment.

It's like, oh, I'm not, you know what I mean?Considered somebody that I can have a plus one.

I thought you guys got along really well.

What do you mean?

I thought the Asian community, like y 'all banded.

If I saw, if I saw,Ali Wong...They fight in the streets.No, we don't fight in the streets, no.I love...What do you mean?

With, like, stars and stuff?No, no.Chinese stars come out.It's a bamboo fight.It's a bamboo fight.If we were gonna fight, we'd use bamboo.

But my point is this, okay?Is that...I love all of them.Daniel Dae Kim has done my podcast.Ali Wong and I are very close.Jimmy and I are, I mean, I'm friends with all of them, right?

But when it comes to these kind of events and stuff, I feel like I'm treated like an animal.Like a dirty little yellow animal.

But you've kind of been around the longest.I feel like - You're supposed to be one of the OGs.I am an OG!

I'm sorry for yelling.I think that like...

They are afraid of him because he's too free.

I'm too free.

They want something that's a little bit more tied up in a box that does all the things that they need him to do.And he doesn't do that.That's why they're scared of him because he's gonna say...No, no, no, no, no.They're not scared of me, dude.

I'm the nicest guy in the world.Do I hug?You know what I mean?They're scared of what you'll do.I'm not going to do anything, dude.

You tell them, not me.

Yeah, I'm not going to do anything, Golden Gala.Good.I just want a plus one.Because it then makes me feel like I'm a part of it.That's all I'm asking.You know what I mean?

I mean, are there, do you feel like there's elitism in the groups?Yeah, but I don't go anywhere.I don't really care, so.Oh, you know what?As I get older, I don't care.I shouldn't even have said that.

Yeah, I don't care.Don't invite me.No, but I'm.

Yeah, yeah.

Fuck it.Fuck it.

But I've really never won, you know, to be pretentious.I'm not in those rooms.Yeah, that's not who I am.Why am I gonna pretend like that to pretend that they like me or pretend that I like them?Hey, I admire what you do.I respect what you do.

Congratulations.But now I just stay home and I watch it.on television or I just go on about my business.That's how I operate.

Yeah, you're just like me.You're just like Andrew.We have the same thing.It's like, Patrice O 'Neal once told me.

Oh, yeah.

The man, right?I was in New York and I was complaining to him about how I'm not working, you know what I mean?How they choose all these other people ahead of me.And he goes, you're not that, dog.You're just like me, he said, Patrice.He goes, you can't walk into a Hollywood party and pretend that you're having a good time.

I just don't have that ability, you know?I shut down, right?I don't wanna be fake, you know?And I just, that's why I don't attend these things.Like last night I went to that Larry David thing, and I tried to force myself to like, go say hi, right?Give a hug, right?

But I just, in my heart, it's not that I don't love them, it's just like, I don't wanna fake it, right?And do you feel the same way, Shannon?Well, I'm an outgoing introvert.That's what I am, that's what I am, yeah.

And so people, and I think the thing is, because people see the way you act on camera, and they think you're like that in real life.And I'm really a shy person.I just want to be home, want to be with my dogs, and just.You like to cuddle, right?Just do my own thing.You don't like to cuddle?

No.Okay.

Club Shy Shy.

So no, that's how I am.

I just think you reach a certain age, and you don't, feel like doing the thing anymore.You don't want to play the fucking game.Like, I want to love you if you're cool, and I respect you for what you've done, but I don't want to fucking pretend, especially for people you know don't respect you.

Like I said, at my age now, I mean, who's getting friends now at our age?the friends that you got, you've already had them.I'm not, I'm not, I'm not fitting to make, I'm not going to make in my next, let's just say for the sake of argument, I live another 10, 15 years.No, I'm not going to make five, 10.

I'm not going to make five, 10, longer than 10 more years, 40 years.You got a good 40 because it was AI with AI.I think you're fine.

I think you're fine.I think you're fine Shannon Who's your name just the first name your oldest friend in the world as fast as you can oldest friend in the world Probably don't think about it bucket bucket.

He's a year older than me.That's his name is bucket.

Yeah Yeah, my friend was pale That's pretty good.

It wasn't bad.But we went to school together.We went to college together.Yeah.Burns, we played NFL together.So 30 plus years.

I mean, at this age, you're not meeting because it's too hard to vet them.

Yeah, you don't want to vet them.

It's too hard to vet, bro.Too much to go through.Too much to go through.Too much to go through.Yeah, yeah.And it's cool.

Like I said, the events, I'm sure they're great, but I'm not really a dress up and getting to go.Well, you look good now.You look good now.That outfit.

Yeah, look at that outfit.Huh?Yeah.

What is that, Gucci?

It's Louis Vuitton.Oh, that's nice.Louis Vuitton, okay.It says it right on his sleeve.

Okay.

That is fancy.

Yeah.

Wait, can I see the necklace?Look at the eyes.

I'm going to, you know, I'm getting ready for vacay.Oh, you're vacay?Where are you going to go?

You have gang times?To my home.Oh, to your home.Yeah.

None of our business.

It's none of our business?Yeah.Yeah, yeah.

I mean, I, you know, Shannon, I dream.I might go to Korea.

Why?

Vacation.Seoul.Skin care?Where would I go?Do they got nice beaches in Korea?No.

Beaches?Beaches?Where could I go to here?Where could I go?Well, there's a Homo Hill.

Oh, that's good.

What about Hong Kong?There's a place called Homo Hill in Korea.How the hell would I go there?I'm just telling you.I'm not saying to partake.You know what I mean?

But it's a nice place to visit.It's a nice place to visit.visit.It's a nice hill.All right, okay.I go to Hong Kong.

Okay, go to Hong Kong, go to Hong Kong.You know who has nice beaches?What?

The Okinawan Islands in Japan.You ever been down there?I have not.Go down there.Yeah.They have beautiful beaches.

Get some raw denim.

Hold on, who do we have on?CJ, what's the lady, the rapper?

Awkwafina.

No.She, yeah, she was a - Asian?Yeah, she's an Asian rapper.And she's born in Okinawa.

You're not gonna remember our names six months from now, huh?

Nah, nah.Yeah, no.

I'm trying to, actually, I'm trying to - Who was that little Asian guy in the red hat?I'm trying to, I'm trying to, I'm trying to - Wait, wait, wait, the rapper, an Asian rapper?Yeah, yeah.Oh, the Soda - Soda Pop.No, what's her name?Okay, I don't know.

Not Club Soda, what's a girl that's like a, she's got like that kind of thing.

Yeah, no one Google it, let's guess it.A -Witch.A -Witch.A -Witch.Never even close.Never even close.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

A -Witch, like sandwich, but A -Witch?A -Witch, yeah, yeah, yeah.She's Okinawan.She's Okinawan.And does she rap in Japanese?No, she rap in American.

You couldn't tell.You couldn't, if, if, no.If you heard her, if you heard her sing, you wouldn't know.And it's funny how that works, because you hear people like, they talk with an accent or a dialect, but when they sing, it sounds normal.

It's like when British singers sing and they sound like us.Yeah.But how do you feel about Asian, how do you feel about all, how do you feel about non -black rappers?

Yeah, how do you feel about it?I don't have a problem with it, hell, one of the greatest of all time is Em.Marshall.Who?Em, Eminem.Oh, Eminem, yeah, Marshall, yeah.

He's like the one that got through.

Yeah.Everybody else.But he's super talented.It's the same thing with Tiger Woods.What do you mean?How many, how many black golfers?

I mean, he took over.I'm sorry.I'm sorry, Shannon.He's an Asian guy.

Yeah.He's an Asian golfer.Yeah.He's an Asian golfer who happens to be black.

You can't claim him.

I claim him.If you, if you know, I noticed that when he was coming up, he didn't mention the Asian side.He was, I understand that's political, but then all of a sudden he got caught.

He's not Asian.If you did it to 23 and me, what would it say?He is on.Yeah.Well, he said he called the nation.Yeah.

And we claim that part.

Precision.He from Cabo.Precision.

So he from Cabo?Yeah, he from Cabo, dude.

Yeah, his swagger and golf came from his black side and his yardage Specificity came from his Asian side exactly yardage specificity specificity.Yeah.Yeah, you don't play golf.Do you I do not?Yeah, good Thank you golfing.

Yeah.Yeah, the most boring sport I've ever been playing I don't know your buddy LeBron is doing it all the time.

Yeah, I love it I you know, well look I don't mean I really tried to be outside like that, you know I mean, I guess because I grew up outside, I played a sport that required me to be outside, so now I kind of want to be inside.You want to live inside the house.I want to try to find a sport that I can play inside.Video games.Darts.Yes, video games.

No, I'm not a video game player.

Why?Play once.You never tried?Are you good at darts?I would love to play on darts.I could beat you at darts.

Excuse me?You at darts.Why me and not him?I can beat him in darts, too.

Oh, OK.Why'd you point at me, then?I don't want to play darts.

Yeah, yeah.Yeah.Yeah.And table tennis.

No, there's no.We're going to line this up.Let's line it up.We have to line this up.We have to line it up.We're going to line up the darts.

You got your own paddle?No, I've never.I haven't played in 10 years.Oh, that's.Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.But it's instinctual.

Yeah, it never leaves.It never leaves you.It does leave.It's like riding your bike.It does leave.No, it doesn't leave.

It doesn't.No, it doesn't leave.Did football leave?Yeah, it left.Yeah.And my age is gone.

Yeah, I know.But if you played football with people your age, I don't think it would leave.You'd know what to do.That game would probably end 0 -0.

You can't.Ain't nobody running.Ain't nobody catching.Everybody's shoulders are hurt.Oh, OK.Yeah.

Yeah.Me time with Kevin Hart and Mark Wahlberg.Andrew, what's it like being on set?Because obviously, Mark is, you know, he has great range.But he can be funny when he needs to.And everybody knows Kev.

Kevin's a funny dude.Kevin's funny to work with because he'll let you say whatever you want to him on camera.They're not going to put it in the final cut, but he'll let you say whatever you want to him.Kevin's the only guy I know that is already thinking about the other project while he's filming the one he's doing right now.Yeah.He would leave after a take.

He works too hard.He works way too hard.And we've said this to him a lot.

Yeah, he works way too hard.

Way too hard, Kev.You gotta slow down.I don't know what he's, I don't know where he's going.No, he can't.No, where is he going?Why can't he?

He can't.Where's he going?He wants to be a billionaire.Why?Why?Why?

Why not?What are you gonna do with it?What are you gonna do with a billion dollars?What are you gonna do with it?A lot more than what you would do if you didn't have a billion dollars.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.You don't need it.Live within your means.Here's the thing.

With a billion, I got a lot of means.I can live way over here and way over there and everything.

I understand that, but Shannon, imagine your whole life, right?Look, Shannon, watch this.This right here is a carrot.Yeah.And you're constantly, and your whole life, and you're 80 and you're still doing this?Yeah.

That's not living.It's not living.Right?

OK.

You accept what you have.and go, see, I'm being honest.If somebody called me and goes, you're out, you can't do it anymore, it's over, I'd go, bye bye.Bye.Stay hydrated.You know what I mean?

And I would literally leave.Really?Yeah.I did a movie with Kevin, and we shot in Budapest.It's called Borderlands.It's one of the worst movies ever.

made.And my point is, is this, okay?Yeah.They almost didn't release it.

That's actually true.

That's a true story.No, but I love everyone involved in it, right?But I remember like I was having lunch.I had just woken up.It was like one o 'clock, right?I woke up at 1245 and I saw Kevin because he was in the movie and I go, what's up?

You wake up, you go, no, dawg, I've been up from 4 a .m.Workout, meetings, you know what I mean, online.I mean, he had already done a full day when I woke up.And in my mind, I'm like, do I wanna, I don't wanna live like that.

Yeah, because I hear Mark Wahlberg, Mark Wahlberg says he goes to bed at 7 .30.

Yeah, well, I'm not even eating, I'm cooking dinner at 7 .30.Yes.I'm just turning on the shows.Yeah, just ready to get my night started.Well, we're night owls.We're different people.

Yeah Yeah, I'm not a night out.

You're not I know but even but even so you're not bad at 730.No, no No, when are you gonna bet 940?

No, it all depends on when when night how many girls are over at the house when you're gonna bet?

No, I'm going to bed alone.Oh, really?

Are you on apps dating apps?No, okay.I don't even have apps on my phone.You have a dating app No, I'm not anymore.

I have a relationship, but I was on Raya for a very long time You ever been on a dating app?No.No, he's always been married.

Married.Yeah, yeah, yeah.I didn't need to worry about dating apps.He is my window into that world.I saw him go through it, it was terrible.You would kill it on Riot.

No, I'm good.Oh my God.

I mean, you would.Just one photo of you like this.I'm sorry, is that too much?I don't have cash apps.Huh?

Huh?PayPal?Yeah, why would you need that?

That's what I'm saying.You have gold underneath your bed.

How do you know?What do you do?How do you know you're one of those?I don't have email.You have Whoa, you email my assistant.

Oh, I see.So you don't have anything tracking your head.

Oh, do you have a flip phone?I don't have a flip phone, a BlackBerry and even my my G my I have a white man.

So let me ask you, let me go back to something real fast.You really think, and this isn't a comment about Kevin, we love Kevin.You really think though, like grinding to get to that B is worth it?Like genuinely?For him.No, not for him, for you.

No, I just want to be comfortable.But you are comfortable.

You are comfortable.So you just want to continue to be comfortable.Yes.Because I think there's this misconception that once you get it, you will be.That's not true.No.

I think that's a good, at every level.

You'll continue to, yeah.

Yeah, so what we're saying is, on the broader sense, if you have that personality trait, you got to have someone to go, dude, dude, dude, relax.What are you going to do?What would you do?How much shit can you get?

I mean, it's kind of like, it's easy.I would like to be like Jeff Bezos, just go on and be in the French Riviera.

Have you ever seen that guy in public?

I have.

He looks like a robot.He's a robot.Yeah.I don't want to be like that.I don't want to be like that.That guy scares the shit out of me.

And you can go to the French Riviera now.

You can.Let's go right now.

You can't go to the French Riviera.

Let's go.

Billy, book us a ticket to the French Riviera.Yeah, book us a ticket right now.We'll take care of it.I got to go see if my passport is updated.

Oh, really?But you can go anywhere in the world.I'll bet all my money on it.

100%.Oh, let me say this.OK, I was in Vegas for the NBA Cup.

Yeah.

All right.I went to go gamble late at night with a friend of mine.And sitting behind, we see all the security pop in.And who's sitting behind in the table literally right behind us?Bezos and his wife, girlfriend, wife, I don't know.Wife, Lauren.

Sure.He's right there.

Yeah.

I turn around and I say to my buddy, I say, how much is he betting?What is he?I want to know what the number is.How much do you think he's betting?$500.$100 chips.

You, Jeff Bezos.Yeah.That's my point.What are you doing with it?It's too much.It's too much.

He can't if you're hebankrupt the casinos.

That's my point, it's worthless, it's all meaningless shit.So why get all that shit if it's, half of the joy of life is working for something.So getting it is nothing.Working for it is fun.So once you don't have to work for anything anymore, what is life?

Elon Musk is a trillionaire, right?Gross, what the fuck are you gonna do?And you know what I would do with that money, right?I swear to God I would keep a billion Yeah, and I would put the rest into like foundations cancer reason or burn it.Oh like a joker.Yeah You can do two things either help society or burn it.

Yeah, first of all Putting it in research.There is no money in the cure.

There's money and there's money the suppressant.Yes.Oh I'll tell you what I would do.

If they found a drug, they would kill the trial.

He's right.

They probably already have done it a hundred times.It's like renewable energy.I get it.Okay.They kill you.

I'll tell you what I would do.You know what I would do if I had that money?What?I would buy a bunch of those desalinization boats and put them all over places that need clean water.Yes.I'd buy a billion of those boats.

Yeah.Then I go, well, at least I'm getting clean water to people.I can die a happy man.Then I'll go buy nine Ferraris and 70 yachts, and I'll do that first, and then I would go do all that dumb shit.So then they couldn't say anything about me.They'd go, well, he was a...

Look, they're gonna talk about you regardless, because...Sure, but do something good, and then...But you wouldn't be able to do enough good, because no matter what you gain...It's not enough.Exactly.

I know, but that's the same way.Gain, earning, it's not enough.So it's like, when are you...How are you happy?What makes Shannon happy right now?Don't kick him.

What makes Shannon happy right now?Let's get on a different topic.What makes Shannon happy right now?

I'm a workaholic.

I don't like that.I don't like it.What makes Shannon feel good at night when you lay your head down and you go, you know what?I love this about me.Is it friends?Is it family?

Is it?

I lay down like this here.

Yeah.

Are you reading?Even though I know CJ is asleep, I sleep like, what do you think about having this guest on Club Shaysha?No.No.

Shannon.Ask him.Really?How late?

1, 2, 3 in the morning.

2, 3 in the morning.Can we have a therapy session real fast?Yeah, yeah.We need therapy.Honestly, can we do this real fast?Sure.

Let's do this real fast.Yeah, yeah.

You are one of the most accomplished, well -respected.Yes.NFL athletes in the history of the sport.

I never get nervous when I do podcasts.He was so nervous.I said he'd in a cup Listen I was so nervous doing this because of the respect I have for you.Well, right, right.

So I know who you are Yeah, I see you so you've done leaps and bounds more than anybody in your field right beyond the field Literally, you've done so much you've adapted at night.Shannon needs something that goes, you know This makes me happy.Not this, not CJ.Not CJ, no CJ.Something bigger.Something bigger.

And this, my man, is why I think we're talking about, we're talking about is making something more fun.Yes.That is for you.Right.What is it for you that does it just for Shannon?Not CJ.

Not CJ, fuck CJ.

Fuck, no, not CJ.I don't trust CJ at all.No, I love him, he's great.Yeah, yeah, look at him.He's fantastic.Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But what is it?

That's it.Well, we gotta find it.

No, I think it's making sure that my family's taken care of.Okay, there, family.

Family, that's good.Family's good.

Yeah, yeah.

How many kids do you have?

Three.Three kids.

Are they taken care of?

Yeah.

That's good.All out of college.I want Shannon.I want Shannon to take a vacation.You need a vacation.

Everybody keeps saying they want me to take a vacation.Well, then we're right.Yeah, relax your legs.Take a fucking vacation, Shannon.Shannon, lay it in the sun like this.Drink whatever you want to drink, your whiskey or whatever.

You know what?I haven't gone on a vacation.30 years.Oh Shannon, what are we doing here?

I know you're gonna say no and I know it's it's for the camera.Yeah, can us three take a vacation together?I why?Why what are you gonna do?Why what's three together?What would I do?

You know what?We'd have a fucking blast.They'd go.I'll show you I'd show you things.

You never you've never seen before homo.

Hell I Beautiful answer.I think if I go another 30 years without seeing a hobo wheel, I think I'm going to be OK.

How about Shannon, me, you, and Bobby go to Hawaii together?

Have you been to Hawaii?

Just the dogs.You saw LeBron just take that boys trip, that golf boys trip?Yeah.Let's do just us three.A ping pong trip.A ping pong trip.

We'll go to Hong Kong on a ping pong trip.

I need to take a boys trip.Let's go.

Yeah, we're boys.

Can CJ go?CJ married.CJ got a kid.Wait a minute, wait a minute.

That's fine.No, he got to stay.

He's got to stay.Who's going to run Shay Shay when I'm gone?Who are these other people?What does this guy fucking do?How'd this guy do something?He's on the camera.

Oh, OK.Jordan's on social media.Jordan handles the social media.Jordan's going to have to document everything.

OK, OK, OK.No, no, we've got those guys.We've got a ton of those guys.Like guys like that?

Yeah.

White guy, camera guy?Yeah.

Like six of those guys.Yeah, we love white guys.They're everywhere.You can just grab them.

Why you gonna replace my camera guy?Look at me real fast.

He's too cute.You're too cute.

You can't have him around.

Yeah.Too cute.

You got to have someone that's more homely looking.Yeah.You got to have hope.We have very ugly cameramen.

Yeah.

The ugliest.The ugliest in the business.Oh my God.The ugliest in the business.You want your cameraman to be hunchback.

Yeah.I'm not looking at the camera.I'm looking at your cameraman, dude.He's too cute.That's the problem.Look at that profile.

Huge problem.

Oh my God.So you wouldn't want to be like Kev.Kev is probably worth $400, $500 million.

Look it, we love Kev.

Oh, he's unbelievable.

No, no, but he's an actor.but he's a workaholic.He's a friend of ours.We love him, but no, I don't pine for that thing.I love him to death.I can't believe he can do it.

It seems insane.

But he's been keeping a schedule for like a decade.More.More.More, 20 years.

Kevin's been Kevin for 20 years.We want, or I shouldn't speak for both of us, but what we love is just making fun, at this point in my career, we want to make fun shit for our fans And from outside of the fans, if you're into it, we just wanna make fun shit.I just wanna make fun, original shit.

But a guy did tell me one time, he said, Sheldon, he said, I have something that you will never have.And I'm like, he's married, he got kids, he has nice, he says, I have enough.He says, you'll never have that.

And isn't that something?We just talked about it.

That's what we were talking about.I didn't, at the time that he said it, I was probably 38, 39, maybe close to 40.And I look back, And he's right.That's true freedom.

But now you're almost60. I'm almost60. You still don't have enough?I still don't have enough.That's insane.The tank is full, man.

You're overflowing.

You're overflowing, dude.

You know what the gas pump, why they put that clicker on to stop you?Yes.Right.

Yeah.

And guess what?You need a clicker.

And you still get the clicker.

Don't do that.Stop.It's full.

Yeah, it's full.It's because I know I got to stop.I got to stop with an even number.No, no, no.Oh, you have OCD.You're sick.

You're sick.Get a medication.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.That's insane.59, 85.

It's full.It's full already.I might as well go to59. I might as well go to60. You know what?

He pulls out.He puts it in the trash just to fill it up to get to an even number.Yeah, yeah.

You got it.

You got it.You're full.

You're you're you know once it stops.I let go and I put it.I don't know extra you'll stop one I don't do extra pumps dude.No pumps even with my girlfriend.I do two pumps Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, no, I gotta get the last movie.

Okay.I know you have OCD it's

Kevin Hart, OK, he doesn't want to feel, right?I mean, I'm not a psychologist, right?But it's like, you know what I mean?I know comics that are workaholics, right?And I think they keep working because they don't want to really face reality and sit down and feel and live in the moment.

That's everybody.

And be present, you know what I mean?And for me, at my age, I could die at any moment.I'm 55 years old.

Knock on that.Knock on that.If you say that, knock on that.

You know what I mean?

But you know, y 'all live a long time.Y 'all live long.Where's y 'all?

Where's y 'all?The Asian community.

Yeah, Blue Zones.Y 'all eat healthy.Y 'all, you know, drink that sake.Yeah, yeah, yeah, the sake.

Yeah, yeah.He doesn't need healthy.And we walk like this.

Show him how you smoke.Show him how you used to smoke.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.You smoke like this.And this is so good for your blood flow.Yeah, yeah.I hear that.Look at this.

And guess this.No pain.Can you do that?No pain.It's genetic.

If I got in that position, we gambled like this too.Yeah.Yeah.If I got in that position, I'd be there tomorrow.You're frozen there.Yeah.

You need help.Yeah.Wow.But you say that and you're not the, you guys are not the first to tell me that like, Shannon, you're going to work, but I don't, what would I do?I don't know because I've, I've worked all my life and I've never, there's never a time.There's never time.

I've never thought for one second I was going to retire.

Yeah, but okay, so we, comics don't retire either.We just, you just, you just get too old to do it.Right, yeah.But like, I'm saying you've, you've done so much.

Right.

It's time for a victory lap.Like, keep working.Right.But like, you know.Do this.But jog.

Yeah.

Don't sprint.Yeah, yeah, yeah.You, you, you sprint it.

Yes.Jog.Jog.Okay.

Right.jog.You know when you used to go to the weight room and you'd max out?Don't max out.

Just hit a little, a couple less reps. So I should be doing the 160s out, 160 pound dumbbell, but I should still go to the 120s though, right?

Hit 100 is fine.Because that's what him and I do.100.Hit 100.100 what?Curl 100 pound dumbbell.

160 is foolish.But when I hit the gym, I'm an 85 to 100 guy.That's what I curl.

You can see that when you look at me.

He does 105.

I have no muscle in my body.What about this, Shannon?

What about just having a fucking hobby, man?Is there any side hobbies that you do?Tell them about my swimming pool.He has a swimming pool filled with coffee.We filled up a swimming pool with coffee so he could dye shirts he wants to age and he wants to Distress shirts.Yeah, so he's getting fill up his entire swimming pool with coffee.

So the lettering gets more I've got swimming pool has never been in it in two years.

You've never been swimming pool.

Oh Why do you have it?Why do you have it?

It came with the house.

Yeah, you got to go in the swimming pool.Shannon.See, that's the thing.That's what we're talking about, Shannon.Can I say something to you?

Yeah.You know when you buy a new pair of shoes and they come with an extra set of laces?Yeah, yeah.You never use those laces, do you?Nope.Shannon.

Use the laces!You gotta use the laces, dude.Have some fun!

Change your mouth, throw them away!

Shannon, I have hobbies that I have, you know?Like, right now, I'm doing a fasting thing.He's huge into fasting.Yeah, I'm super huge into fasting.

When do you eat your last meal?

8 o 'clock?Yeah, so I'll eat my last meal at 10.And then I'll wait until the next night at 10 to eat again.

A calendar.I don't do it every day.I try to do it once a week.So you go 24 hours?

I heard like 16 hours.

No, he does 24 hours.

I do 24 hours.

Wow.So he's going to do 48.I'm going to try 48.We're going to try to get to three days if we can.Yeah, we're going to try to get three days.

Not me. I like eating.Because I have all this visceral fat.You know what I mean?All this fat deep down inside.So you do cardio?No, I don't move.

Yeah, no movement.

Cardio.

Yeah, yeah.Cardio.I've never moved.

His driveway has an incline.That's the biggest steps he takes.Yeah, yeah.I rarely move.We live next to each other.Yes.

There's a hill right next to us to hike at.I go, yeah, yeah, hi, no, no.I know I've tried it.He never wants to do it.Yeah, yeah, yeah.Never wants to do it.

I get like maybe two minutes in and then I walk back down the hill.

He gets bored.

I get bored.

His brain is too powerful for that.I have a powerful brain.He doesn't like boring, like working out is what a waste of his time.

Yeah.

He wants to be activated.

Yeah, but I'm trying to eat healthy.You know what I mean?No more processed foods, things like that.

But do you guys, the Koreans and the Asian community don't eat processed food.

No, that's not.

Panda Express is all processed food.Orange chicken is processed food.There's MSG in it probably.Not the way you guys make it.What do you mean, you guys?Well, when we go to Korean...

Let me just say about you guys.I'll tell you about you guys.

He said you people.

You people, right, right.Chinese food is different than Korean food and Japanese food.I think Japanese food have cleaner food.I think Korean food is pretty clean.But the Chinese American food, right, it's got a lot of sweet taste.Sauces yeah, I mean, that's American food.

It's American food, right?So what I'm you know when you say you guys I don't know what the fuck you're talking about.So Kim is kimchi Korean.Yes.It's very Korean.Okay, that's Kim.

Yeah.Yeah.Yeah.Okay, and I'm gonna throw some foods out.I want to see you guys.He's right the Korean barbecue.

We should take him far far.What's that from fuck fuck?

Oh pH. Oh, yeah, that's meYeah!I know my cuisine.

I know my food.Yeah, give him another one.Udon.

Udon.I heard of Udon.

This is the most fun game ever.

Yeah, this is a great game.I'm not going to be able to get Udon.Japanese.Japanese, okay.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.Let's go...I mean, the Chinese is too easy.You're too Chinese.Yeah, yeah.Bibimbap.

Oh, bibimbap.

Have you heard of that?No.

It's like a hot stone bowl with beef and rice, sometimes veggies.No.No?Okay.

No, I'm more of a grilled chicken.I eat grilled chicken, rice, broccoli, green beans.You're still doing that diet after all these years?I do.That's why you look like this.

Look at his fucking legs.

I can't, I can't look at it.

Look at it, you can see his heartbeat.I can't look at his legs.

And his ankle.Dude, it's so muscular and so many nice, pure veins.

I can't look at your legs.You have the nicest legs.I eat egg whites, egg whites for breakfast.I eat toast and I have sausage.Why only egg whites?I should take that back.

I will do one egg, because even though the yolk has cholesterol, that's what a good fat is also.

Cholesterol's not that bad for you.

Yeah.Especially with one yolk.So I do one yolk and three egg whites.

Okay.

Or half a cup of egg whites and a yolk.Do you do it yourself?

No, he has a chef.Stop it.No, no, no.

I used to have a chef.

You don't have a chef anymore?

I don't have a chef.

You do it yourself now.CJ?I can't afford it.CJ?I can't afford it.I gotta save my money.

Stop it.I gotta save my money.What are you talking about?What are you talking about?

Shannon.I gotta save.Move your bank account right now.Yeah, no, no, no.

You could live probably on interest.I don't know your financial situation.I do.In my mind, I already do.In my mind, I think you do.

Look, if it was just me, but I have a mom, I have sisters, I have kids.Three kids.I still have to worry about.How many of the kids are grown?All of them.

Well, then you're done.

You're done.You're out.You cut them out.Cut them out.

They feel my responsibility.What state do you live in?

I live in Vegas.

So you're always in Nevada?

Yes.Yeah.Come on.The taxes.Come on.

You're fine.The taxes.You're fine.

You're fine.

Can we move in with you?Shannon.I need my space.OK, but you have a guest house.I don't.Shannon.

I used to have a guest house, but I don't anymore.

And your new one?

No.I just got a pool.

How many bedrooms is your house?

Will you do us one favor?Yes.He has six bedrooms.Am I right or am I wrong?One of them might be an office, so maybe it's a seven or a six.Hold on, let me see.

One, two, five, six.

Six.Yeah, I was right.Six.So let me say this.We can't live in one of the rooms?

No, when you go home, do me one favor.Okay.Do us one favor.

Yes.

Send an email to your assistant.

Yes.Obviously, you don't want our information.I'll call her.I can't send her email because I don't have it.Okay.I'll say I'll call her.

But send her a photo of you in the pool, please, so we can...

She'll ask me what's wrong.

That's insane.Really?That's how odd that'd be.

Have a picture of you in the pool, relaxing, and send it to your assistant so we can have it.Please.

We won't post it.It'll just be on my wall.

Because it'll let me know you're one step closer to freedom.Yeah, freedom.And you'll get in that pool and you'll go...Look at you, Shannon, in your own pool.Okay.

Yeah.

Say that out loud.Go, look at me, Shannon, in my own pool.Look at me. I'm in my own pool.I love it.I love it.Please do that for us.

Okay, I'll do that.Just relax, Shannon.

Bobby, you know Mad TV.

Okay, here we go.You like Mad TV?Do you like it?I thought it was funny.Yeah.Yeah.

Well, I have a tattoo right here of Mad TV.Wow.Yeah.And I have a tattoo here that says The Comedy Store.Yeah.Our home.

And the reason why, our home.So this is where I got my comedy institutions.Right.That I learned how to do comedy.Right.I learned how to do sketch and improv through Mad TV.

And I did stand up through The Comedy Store.Mad TV was very traumatic for me in the beginning.Why?I was bad.You have to understand, I went from open mic to Mad TV.

Wow.

Right?I had never done a sketch before.That's a big jump.Yeah, I'd never done improv.So I would get really nervous at the table reads.Yes.

And every scene they would write for me, I would fuck up.And this is what broke my heart, and this is a true story.I've never even said this out loud before, right?They made a tape, secretly, behind my back and they would tape record my table reads and they did the best of me fucking up and I only found out about it like a year and a half later and I cried in my car, right?That's how bad I was.Yeah, because I would get so nervous.

I would stutter at the table reads, right?Because I had never really done it before.So in the beginning it was very traumatic.So then I just acted wild.Like I would poo in the executive producer's office.That was huge.

That was a big one.That was a big one.I just pooed in it, you know?

He pooped in his office.I pooped in his office.Hopefully in the bathroom.No, no, no, no, no, in the office.No.And you still had a job to do.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.I'm a survivor.

Yeah, yeah.I would like, you know, I peached twice.One time I farted in an actress's face.That was bad.But yeah, yeah, yeah, I farted in the actress's face.

Well, I mean, you know, it's starting to crystallize itself of why you didn't, you know, work as much as you wanted.

No, no, no, no.

But that was out of frustration.You know what I mean?

Why they got to do what you're doing?I don't know what I'm saying.

Because it's, I'll tell you why I pooed in his office, right?It was a joke.He deserved it.It was a joke.No one knows it's a joke.So there was two guys, Ike Barinholtz.

You know Ike Barinholtz?No, I don't.He's a really big actor.Yeah.Right?

And he's a dear friend of mine.Have you ever seen the studio on Apple with Seth Rogen?

I know Seth Rogen.Yeah, but you know the studio.He's on that show.

Very talented.

He was in East Down and Down Down.Eastbound and Down.Great actor.Great actor, right?Him and another actress named Nicole Parker were writing in the executive producer's office.They were writing a sketch, right?

There was some Alka -Seltzer, right, on the desk, right?And I go, what happens if I stuck the Alka -Seltzer into my bahong?And they go, we don't know, we don't even thought about that before.Let's try it.So I took my pans, I stuck them in my butthole, two of them, right?And it foamed like a mad dog.

Right?And I tried to poop them out, right?And they were half dissolved.But following that were like a couple of little, like, you know, rabbit nuggets.You know what I mean, right?A little rabbit nugget of poop.

And as soon as I did that, the executive producer walked in.So he saw you with your pants down, pooping in his pants.No, I had already pulled it up, and we were all laughing, because we didn't know that Little Nugget's coming out.The Nugget part was the fun part, you know what I mean?It's science.It's really science, if you think about it.

No, it's not.Yeah, it's an experimental scientist.Experiment.Yeah, yeah.So it's like, so I did that.I would do stuff like that.

You really need help.