Bobby’s Dog Died on Fancy’s B Day | Ep 314 Bad Friends

You two are bad friends!

Who are these two idiots?

Woo!

A white dude and an Asian dude.

Woo!

You two are disgusting.

Woo!

Oh, you two are something.

We're bad friends. Santi! Santi! Santi Corzola! You know who that is? Soccer player.

Corzola! Cristiano Ronaldo!

Happy birthday Fancy! Happy birthday to Fancy B. It's his birthday.

Happy birthday bud. Happy birthday. Hey, hey, okay, enough.

Enough about your birthday. What did you get him for his birthday?

What, what, Matt-a-homo?

I'm sorry.

Matt-a-homo?

Matt-a-homo?

Yeah, that's what you are, Dan. Is that a good banger?

I don't know.

Matt-a-homo? Carlos laughed. You pay him. Yeah. Matt a homo. Is that, that's the best you could do?

Yeah. My dog died.

Let's talk about it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Let's talk about your dog died on Fancy's birthday.

What's that?

That's you on the cruise.

Look at how much fun you're on a boat cruising. Who are these two friends of yours? I have no idea. I'm never going on a cruise again, dude.

I think it's a good idea.

This is what happens.

So which of the girls, which of the girls?

I don't know who they are.

Which of those girls did you end up being?

None of them, none of them.

Who said middle gears three times?

Oh. He appeared out of nowhere. That's the funniest thing you've ever said.

Oh, that's funny. I have no idea who they are.

They look sweet.

This is what happened that night.

You have your mom's eyes.

Holy shit.

I'm Bobby Mommy in there. I'm Bobby Mommy in there.

Yeah, yeah.

What happened that night?

So I did a show, okay. Look at that Rolling Stones shirt I have on. And I did a show. Did we talk about the cruise?

No. No.

Oh, this is the first time we've meeting?

We haven't been together in weeks.

Oh, weeks, weeks.

Can I take this off?

No.

It's like for some reason distracting.

Leave it on. You're a bull. I know, but okay. It's actually aligned perfectly because right above the tail is your face and that's where

that should be.

Okay.

So what happened this night?

All right. So let's talk about the cruise in general.

Yeah.

Adam Devine, Anders, and Blake did a cruise called This is Important Cruise.

Yes. And all I did was, the only person I saw mostly was Swartzen.

Yeah, Nick called me a bunch.

Yeah, yeah, we ate a lot. And then sometimes Eric Griffin would show up. Right. And we'd be like, oh fuck, because I have to pay for it.

When you're eating.

You know what I mean?

When you're eating.

He shows up, you have to pay for it, Wait a minute, it wasn't free? I'll pay a thousand dollars. It wasn't free on the cruise? No, because you have to pay extra for the good stuff.

Oh.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Before the cruise, I'll tell you this. Get this out of the way, okay?

Okay.

My dog died, right?

Your dog died.

Right, you say what?

I love you and I'm sorry.

I love you, I'm sorry, my empathy, this and that. It broke my heart. Right, right.

Andreas, nothing.

You did nothing? Nothing, Carlos, nothing.

I meant to say how tasty.

And then, how, what?

How tasty was it?

Oh.

Okay, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. Let that sit. Let us ponder that, right? No one say a word, okay? And I'm gonna answer that question.

Right now.

It's aging right now.

Yeah, yeah. I'm gonna answer that question right now.

Very tasty.

Very tasty.

Very delicious.

Very good.

All right, so.

We didn't know.

And then McCone, right?

Asking for money. For the polar plunge.

Oh, right. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Asking for money.

Did you end up giving him money?

No, I refuse. I refuse because my dog died.

I'm sorry, your dog.

No, let's talk about the cruise and the dog because the girls aren't going to talk about the dog.

Okay.

Okay. I'm taking this off.

I like it when it's on. Take it off. Okay, I'll keep it on. Keep it on, it's really funny. It's sweet looking. You're a bull. I'm a matador.

I'm a matador. All right, so on the cruise,

couple of nightmares happened.

What are they?

On the cruise.

What are they?

So I show up on the boat, and then Nick goes, so you know you're doing two shows, you know this, right? He told me. And I go, well yeah, just five, 10 minute spots at these like showcase, you know, like the comedy store.

He thinks he's at the store on a cruise.

Yeah, I think it's gonna be 12 guys on a lineup. Oh, you're up at 945 to fucking 955.

You know what I mean?

And Nick goes, no, you're headlining a theater. Yeah, they give you money to play a show on the boat. I had no idea. Okay. Right, so I got off the boat.

You left the boat.

Yeah.

I got right off.

Okay.

And I'm calling people, I'm like, I, you know what I mean?

You're calling your agent, I can't, this, no.

I didn't sign. Well, okay. Yeah, yeah. So when you don't know, you don't know. Right. Right, right. It's like the war in Iran right now.

We do know.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We don't know what we don't know.

We don't know why we're in.

Uh...

We don't know why we're going!

I can give you some hints.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know. Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na So we go to, I go to the first show, you know, packed theater. It's a fucking theater.

Sold out.

But it's rocking back and forth. I don't know if you know this.

Mid show, it's waving.

We're in the middle of the ocean.

All right, I didn't know.

Yeah, you're doing stand up like this, dude. It's insane.

Yeah, but you had fun.

Because I'm physical too, right? So you're doing double things. You're balancing and doing physicality.

Double duty. Double duty.

Double duty, baby.

Yeah, yeah. And I have to say, right, that that first show, fucking crush.

It was incredible.

Incredible.

One of the best shows you've ever done.

Probably. Wow. I get off, I'm like, oh shit.

I'm a cruise comic now. Yeah, dude.

You know what I mean? I could do this forever.

Bobby on the high seas.

Yeah, on the high seas, right? And then the second show happens two days later. What happened?

The same people come.

Same show. The same exact people come.

No. How many people are on the boat?

Thousands, right? on the boat thousands right all I know is this the first eight rows that I could see it was the same eight rows in the first wearing the same clothes no but I know their faces and because you you run into them on the ship right you know you know everybody right you know I mean a gym hey Cliff Samantha how was the little pool pool or whatever yeah yeah right

Tanya you know you do. Yeah.

Right? People are gambling. People are, come on over, play blackjack. Okay, Frank, Nikki.

Okay, Frank and Nikki.

Nikki.

Yeah, what's wrong with Frank?

Yeah, Nikki.

They were on the boat.

Hey, Nikki.

Okay.

Anyway.

Same show. Same show, right? I go up there, right? One minute in, ask anybody that was there. Silence.

Tanking.

Tanking.

Wait, why?

They'd seen it already a day before.

But how much time did you do?

45 minutes.

Okay.

You're sinking.

Okay.

Well, you, yeah.

I was sinking. It was bad.

Yeah, yeah. I was sinking. It was bad. Yeah, yeah, it was Titanic for me.

Then three minutes in, I was like, I just stopped the show.

You didn't, you acknowledged it.

Oh, I had to. You had to be like, hey.

I stopped, I go, everyone's heard this before, right? The whole audience goes, yeah. And I go, well, you're just gonna see the camera. I mean, what else? You know what I mean? You did this same act again. No, I started doing jokes. So in the first show, there was like three of my pretty good jokes that I completely forgot to do.

From your special.

From my special.

Okay.

So I put those back in, those killed. And then I would go back into these other jokes and start bombing again. Because they already heard it. They didn't laugh again, even though they heard it. And here's, dude.

The photo was incredible. You sent me your dog. What is it with you guys taking pictures of dead things? It's like his dad's dead, sends me a photo immediately. His dog dies, sends me a photo immediately. By the way, the photo of the dog is-

It's so sad.

It's so sad. It's beautiful. It's beautiful, yeah. Because they wrapped him up in a little swaddling, like in a manger. Yeah, yeah. He's like a little baby Jesus.

Baby Jesus, yeah.

So, um.

Bojo.

Anyway, I, um.

Bojo?

No, it was Remy.

It was Remy.

Yeah.

So anyway, I continued to bomb and, um. bombing bad and I just took my clothes off. You know how I do it. There's always an answer. There's an answer to every problem.

There is.

And when that problem is tough enough, you take your clothes off.

You took off your clothes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, it's an adult cruise and you got a great body now cause thanks to-

Life in prison, right? First day, right? Take your clothes off. Take your clothes off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't fight the biggest guy. Problem solved. Take your clothes off. Right, you accept, right? And you get stretched.

And you got stretched.

I got stretched out.

So you killed on the second show because you got naked.

I bombed, no, the first show killed. Second show, I had to survive. And you did. Yeah. So I had to do bingo night. Naked. No, bingo night was fun, cause I did it with Griffin and I decided to do, you know, my prayers.

Oh yeah.

For Thanksgiving.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You did at my house. So I told the whole audience, there were probably 250 people there, all right, get on your knees, right? Everyone at home, right? And you did a prayer? And I took the mic and I did the longest prayer about the ocean. And how about the sea dwelling?

We can't even go deep enough. Yeah. I mean, because it's the mystery, we haven't even discovered the species down, you know what I mean? And went on and on and on.

It was so fun, that was fun.

So you killed? Killed that, and then so this photo for the people at home. So there's this thing. Two wonderful women are there. One of them's wearing lingerie, so it seems. And this is where? This after hours?

Okay, what are you zooming in my hand for?

You just want to see. It's above the waist.

The positioning is right. Yeah, the positioning was very correcto.

So give us this.

Give these two young ladies that Is that the captain? Yeah. What? That's the captain on the left? Yeah, that's the captain of the ship.

She drove the boat.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And the one on the right is the-

We hit three icebergs.

There's four.

We barely survived.

Yeah, there's four icebergs there.

Yeah, yeah.

So, yeah. So that, I don't know if you've, have you never been on a cruise ship? Never, I won't. Yeah. Well, also I'm gonna pitch you.

Please.

Yeah, the Bad Friends Cruise Show.

Oh, wow.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm not gonna do it.

Yeah, you are. No. Yeah, it's so fun.

I don't wanna be on a boat.

It's worth it. Oh my God, it was so worth it because you're with all your friends.

Yeah.

And that area is called the Haven. So it's like, we're separated from everyone.

Oh, you're in your private.

So it's like eight luxurious, you know what I mean? Cabins. Cabins. And in the middle of it is a pool, steam room, jacuzzi open 24 hours, and 24 hour catering.

Just for you.

Just for me.

Comics.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Just for the comics. Yeah, I mean, Griffin was down with everyone.

No, was he really?

Wow.

Oh my God.

Yeah, Griffin was down with everyone.

So you invited these two friends to the haven and he couldn't get up to the haven? He couldn't get to the haven. Wow.

Yeah, yeah.

I never saw him in the haven one more time.

He was complaining the whole time.

Now how did these girls get into the haven?

I have no idea. But I was just sitting there and after I bond-

With their wings.

What'd you say?

With their wings.

They got into the haven. They seem like they had passes.

God, dude. Dude, when you're... For your birthday, dude, you're on. I don't know how... I think it was the manager of the boys that popped them up. Just sitting there, they go, can we take a photo?

Let's do a funny photo. How about the breasts thing? And I'm like, all right. So I did a funny eye thing and I never saw them again.

You never saw either of these women again? No. But this photo got on the internet. It's a great photo. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I mean, you look. You killed it. It was a fun experience. And then we went to Mexico and me and Eric went to a little...

You went to Jalisco?

We got tacos at a little restaurant, walked back.

And then you turned around and came back.

We came back and then went straight to Philly, yeah.

This guy, let's give it up for this guy.

And I wanna ask you a question as a friend and as a comrade, okay? And as a brother.

Yeah.

Okay? Okay.

And as a...

Search.

What?

You're searching.

Yeah, yeah. Lover.

Okay. Okay.

Is this, is, I can say this. I did a scene on a show and my scene was opposite Stavros.

Love. One of the funniest guys alive.

Killing it. Yeah. Right. And I, you know what I mean? In the scene, there was a lovely actress, you know what I mean? Sitting on my lap and we're having a conversation. In between takes, right? I look at the actress and I go, "'Excuse me, can I smell your armpit?'

And she goes, "'Yeah.'" Yeah. So I smelled it and the staffer goes,

"'You can't do that!'

Wait, why?

"'I just want to!"

In the middle of the scene?

No, it was between. Oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh.

Yeah, that you can't.

Yeah, you can.

Middle of the scene. If it's in the middle of the scene.

No, it wasn't in the scene. It wasn't a part of the show?

No. Oh, that's an interesting move.

No, I asked.

Hold a minute.

I asked the question. Do you think that she's what as a joke I go may smell your armpit as a joke That's a bit as a bit and she goes yes, you can so what and the staff rose goes you can't do that And you did I did it and did that cause a rift no it was fine But my point is is that what do you think I think you shouldn't have done it Why I do wire you know what I support you always I know but why Why?

I, you know what? I support you always.

I know, but why?

What do you, why do you, it's not a, what did you need to smell her armpit for?

Would Andrew have done it?

No. In a million years?

No. In a million years? No. But we had already, we've already hung out.

I knew her, right?

Oh, was this a flirtatious? No, it wasn't a flirtatious, she's married. Oh. Yeah, yeah. It was just a joke, I was like, cause she was, it was right here, I go, can I smell your armpit? May I smell your armpit?

Okay, to your credit, she's sitting on you, you're in the scene together.

Yeah, yeah. Her arm is around you. What you want to just I don't think that wasn't even in the thinking anyway It was just something like as a joke. I go. Hey, can I smell your armpit? Did it get a laugh? Yes, she laughed she laughed. That's fine. It killed she laughed Stavros goes you can't do that. He's jealous That's a pure case of jealousy. That's how I would like to be able to smell her armpit, but I can't yeah Why can't we smell things we should I think that's uh we should we if you ask nicely if you say may

I yeah, yeah, and you said may I smell may I smell she gave you one big huff. Yes. What did it smell like?

purity purity

Purity as essential oil like an essential oil though. You had a lot of fun the last couple of weeks you've been cruising my dog died

You got three more it was the worst it was awful it was awful it was all during the girls in bring the girls yeah I feel bad that the dog died broke my heart Wow look at this for fancy's birthday and you guys wanted

to sing your song that you guys wrote in Wrote, wrote, in Spanish, so... And you've been rehearsing it. Last night, they were watching the Harry Styles thing.

Yeah, who wasn't?

Who wasn't?

Is that what that line is for on Melrose? Is that for Harry Styles? Do you know what I'm talking about?

Oh, the he likes watching you? Something?

Look up line in Los Angeles on Melrose. I thought I somebody told me it was for Harry Styles, but there's been a line for like four days straight

He already released his new album, but it's on Netflix. Okay, look at this Fans line up overnight for LA for Harry Styles LA pop-up. They were dude. It was around the block

Cuz it's Harry, but you just waited outside to do what just to he's not there but maybe merch maybe merch maybe merch all right

so sing fancy be the last night they were watching the Harry Styles thing and then I heard them say well I know that is Andreas's birthday it is let's write you know mean a song for his birthday and I heard them rehearse it let's hear it and I can't wait to hear it so So right yeah and I know that Isa you start off with the first verse right? So let's go. Let's go. I'm excited. I'm so excited. Happy birthday by the way. Here we go. Here's your present.

Happy birthday to Andres.

Mi amor. Mi amor, mi amor.

We love you.

Happy birthday, eh, eh.

Yeah.

Now you guys rehearsed that for how many hours?

About three hours.

About three hours.

Yeah, yeah.

She wrote, yeah.

You wrote the yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

She sat down and wrote it. It was beautiful. Yeah, yeah. We should yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah one right there you go thank you that cost you know how much that cost four dollars and ninety-five cents in so yeah yeah happy birthday dude and your

daughter can go right here in the back in the back beep beep beep beep beep

yep thank you guys if you look inside it's one of his androids his new robot yeah yeah he's in the other he's in the other one right yeah yeah it's great yeah yeah, yeah. Here you go, man. Yeah, happy birthday, dude.

Happy birthday, bud.

Okay.

Happy birthday.

Happy birthday.

What a good song you guys sung.

What a great song, guys.

By the way, you both look, you both look like you might be.

Latina?

Latina.

You might be.

That's a compliment.

You more than you, though. Issa? Yeah, because the style is right. Well, she put all the effort. She did the whole thing.

Yeah, Issa also is wearing more of a Spanish clothes.

Traditional Spanish.

Yeah.

Yeah. Rudy's Mexican. You're more like Hollywood, what a Mexican would look like. You're like...

Dances with wolves-y.

Yes. Yeah.

You're more dances with wolves-y kind of a native.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She looks like she buses tables at Casa Vega. Casa Vega, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hems! I love Hems because they take care of all my needs. They do. When hair starts to thin, confidence can too. That's why Hems makes it simple to feel like yourself again with access to simple personalized care

that fits your life and your hair goal.

Hems offers convenient access to a range of prescription hair loss treatments with the ingredients that work, including chews, oral medication, serums, and sprays. And these doctor-trusted ingredients like finasteride and minoxidil can stop further hair loss and regrow hair in as little as three to six months.

You shouldn't have to go out of your way to feel like yourself, Andrew, right?

No.

HIMS brings expert care straight to you

with 100% online access to personalized treatment plans plans that put your goals first. No hidden fees. There's no surprise cost, just real personalized care on your schedule. You can think of HIMS as your digital front door that gets you back to your old self with simple 100% online access to trusted treatments for real health concerns all in one place.

For simple online access to personalized and affordable care for hair loss, weight loss, and more, visit HIMS.com slash badfriends.

That's HIMS.com slash bad friends. That's hymns.com slash bad friends for your free online visit. hymns.com slash bad friends. Featured products include compounded drug products with the FDA does not approve or verify for safety effectiveness or quality prescription required. See website for full details restrictions and important safety

information. Individual resorts may vary based on studies of topical and oral monoxidil and finasteride. an asteroid. Quince! Quince has the everyday essentials I love with quality that lasts. I'm going to the Golden Gala Awards, it's that big Asian gala award event. And I bought a Quince shirt, I got a blue Oxford collar shirt from Quince, it looks so good.

And I'm going to the Orange Gala for redheaded people, and I got myself the cashmere V-neck. I do love the cashmere v-neck. I know. Thank you to Quince for sending us a beautiful 100% Mongolian cashmere. It's the same stuff that luxury brands use, but guess what?

It ain't as pricey as all that other overpriced nonsense. Their clothing is rated very high by thousands of people who wear it every day because they only partner with factories that meet rigorous standards for craftsmanship and ethical production,

which we like here at Bad Friends. Quizz works directly with top factories and cuts out the middleman. You're not paying for brand markup or fancy retail stores, just quality clothing.

That's right. These tees in 100% Pima cotton and European Jersey linen. I'm telling you, they're versatile pieces you can wear with anything. You make a wardrobe, work from season to season, whether you're layering, whether it's hot out, which is coming, it's good weather's coming on the way, or you know, you want something to bundle up because

you still have a couple more weeks of winter left here. Well, the Oxford shirt I'm going to wear is I'm going to wear my own old jeans with it, but it looks really good. I'm going to tuck it in,

putting a belt on it. It looks really good. It's new and old together. Yeah. Right. That's our show basically, New and Old Together. What? Who's new? You know. Okay. Right now, go to quince.com slash badfriends for free shipping and 365 day returns. That's a full year to build your wardrobe and love it and you will.

Now available in Canada too. Don't keep settling for clothes that don't last. Go to quince, Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash bad friends for free shipping and 365 day returns.

Quince dot com slash bad friends. Girls, talk about the dog. We're sorry about the dog. Who found the dog? You were out of town. No, I was here. Oh, it died when you were here.

So what happened?

I thought you were gone when the dog died.

No, no, no. I was here. I was there. Didn't cry at all. What? Huh? Didn't cry at all.

Why not?

You didn't cry?

No, I didn't cry at all.

You were sobbing. You were wailing.

Oh, like a black person at a funeral.

Why'd you take my baby?

That's crazy.

Dude, I was doing like rolls.

So you were shocked, you were numb.

So this is what happened. Confused. Yeah. What happened was, so Remy is a dog that we've had for, I don't know, 15 years. It's gotta be a long time.

12 years.

Yeah. And one of the fires, he was left at a pound, not pound, what do you call it? Yeah, pound. A pound, yeah. Yeah, and they said, you know, they had such an influx of animals coming in that Remy was one that they were gonna euthanize Right, so Kaleila and I went and got picked up Remy and we as a Foster dog. Yeah. Yeah, and we would give Remy to a family that dog would run away from that family

Come back and run toward our house In our direction. That's cute. Right?

And he did that twice.

So. So we kept him.

You have to.

Yeah, we have to keep Remy. You have to. And Remy is, what a beautiful dog he was. And so on Friday, he was at, cause he sometimes stays at our house and then sometimes at Kalilah's house.

Right. And at this time he was at Kalilah's house and she just- She killed him.

I knew it.

I knew it.

She strangled him to death.

She strangled him to death. I knew it. I saw that coming.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So he died at her home.

No, no, no, no.

Go ahead. She told me when I was babysitting there like, oh, I think Remy's telling me that it's time. No. And he was just, she was just crying and Remy was just like, he couldn't even move anymore. He couldn't pee like on his own.

It breaks my heart.

And he couldn't, yeah, he wouldn't eat. And then she just called me, she's like, she goes, I go, can we do it Wednesday?

Can he die Wednesday? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Can we do it Wednesday? We scheduled the death for Wednesday. Not tomorrow.

Yeah.

Can we do Wednesday?

I'm free Wednesday.

Yeah, yeah.

Because Thursday I have therapy.

You got stuff to do.

So that I can process it.

Right.

You know what I mean?

Let him die on Wednesday. He's got to go. So we go to Kalilah's house and the whole process is weird. Number one, I've never, the seven animals that I have are the first animals I've ever bonded with. I love them so much. And I spent a lot of time with the animals.

So I don't know what the process is like so we're at the house and why is it so quiet in here we're listening to you oh yeah yeah and you know a lady comes over right and

He started flirting! Wait wait wait! Why did she have to be so hot?

Yeah she went in. Oh my God.

She was so pretty.

The nurse that came over?

Oh my God.

Beautiful.

That came by.

It was like, that's my wife.

Yeah.

Yeah, and immediately he started making jokes.

He's...

Yeah.

And everyone just like looked at him weirdly.

Yeah, but she was beautiful. And you were in a time of need, you were stressed. I understand this. Yeah, I was like doing- He was vulnerable.

No, but we were crying and then he was like-

He was crying as well, but he was crying for pussy. He was crying for help.

Yeah, I was doing like, hey, grasshopper walks into a bar, bartender says, hey, we would name it after you. You have a grasshopper, You got it. That was it. It went over the joke. Home run. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I was doing that and then she gets serious and she's like, this is the process. Do you know what the process is like or no?

No, I'm sad to not know yet.

Do you want to know or no?

I guess, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. There's two shots.

Yeah.

Two gunshots.

Yes.

Yeah. One seems like enough for a dog. One to the heart, one to the heart, one to the head. Wow.

Couldn't just do one? Yeah.

I mean, a tough dog. I was semi.

Brr, brr, brr.

Brr, brr, brr.

Remy was a tough dog.

Yeah, a tough dog. Two shots. Yeah, yeah. Two shots. Yeah, so the first shot's full of valium, other things, sedatives, you know what I mean? Make it feel nice.

To calm.

Make it nice.

You know what I mean?

And he did a face like, you know, like one of those. It was at peace. At peace. And then the second shot is the thing. And then... That was it. Well, no, I'm not done. Oh, sorry. What the fuck, bro? Sorry about that.

I assume the second shot was kind of-

That's not the end. It's like an A24 movie. Sometimes the ending, it just goes off. You know Lord of the Rings, the third one?

It's a little too long.

It should have ended when, you know what I mean? They all bowed and everyone bowed. And then you're crying, it should have ended there. But that's not what this movie's about. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This movie is gonna continue

and it's not gonna have a point.

Got it.

Okay.

I'm logged in.

He had to do a speech.

When what?

When Remy died. You said you wanted to do a speech and that's when the vet was like, okay, you can do your speech. No No, it wasn't a speech

Juliana I went up to Remy. I whispered something in his ear. That's not a speech

You what did you whisper? You're making a big deal out of it. Well, it's dead. It's a big deal What did you whisper in his ear this is pissing me off

Was the vessel there This is pissing me off. This is, wait, wait, wait, wait. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. This is, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Was the vest still there?

Yeah, the whole time.

This is pissing me the fuck off right now, dude. I knew what was going on. Don't pan Bondi this situation, all right? Dow 50%. Now listen, that's what you're doing. So check it out, okay? I wanted it, I wanted to whisper something into Remy's ear

is what I was doing.

No, but before that, you were like, can I just say something for everyone?

And what did I say?

You were just like like this dog has been You just did a whole thing and then you just kept looking at the liar

Okay

Anyway, I did speech. What did you say? I think I did this week. I'm taking this off Fucking taking this off

All right, so his ear sweating right? this off, right? I don't care. All right?

So sweating, right?

What'd you say?

I just basically said, thank you. And I love you so much. And I'll see you again. You know, when death occurs, like my dad.

You said the same thing to your dad.

And I did a selfie.

When death occurs.

Yeah, I believe that when death occurs, it's a weird feeling. I always believe I'm gonna see them again. You will. I always believe they're still with me, I'm gonna see them again.

And so it's almost like, I'll see you soon. Maybe because I'll die soon, I don't know. I hope not. Yeah, I mean, neither, but you know what I mean? But I just feel like I'm going to see them again. And I don't know, man, that was one of the toughest... We're making light of it and stuff like that, but it was tough, man. It was really hard. I wailed. I wailed.

When you put him in that swaddling picture that you sent me of him in like a bed. It was like a bed that you made? No, they bring it. They brought the bed. Yeah. And then they take it away or do you want Remy on your property? What do you mean? Well, people bury their animals in their yard all the time. No, he's being cremated.

They live in an apartment. I'm gonna get the ashes.

There's a- I'm gonna it bring me back to my house and bury him in my backyard people do that That's very I have his hair. Yeah, you did

Yeah, but that's not abnormal people do bury their animals in their back

But the hair between like the sack and the pub hole I wanted that hair you wanted that Yeah, for some reason I wanted is not that I am funny. No, it was very Funny you know, I mean. So they cremated Remy. And who's got the ashes? I think us. I think us.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You don't know? You don't know where the ashes are?

Yeah, we do, it's us.

No, we're still gonna find it.

We just said it, dude.

Okay, I got it.

All right, get with it. Yeah, so, no, they bring, no, so they bring their own bed and then they, it's their own blanket and they, flowers.

Yeah.

Right, and they just kind of take them away. And he goes, you know what I'm tired of, dude? Because I didn't post about my dog dying on TikTok or Instagram, right?

Yeah.

You know what I'm tired of? This is a photo when we first met, right? Yeah. I'm tired of this is a photo when we first met the one dot, right? This is the last photo taken together. I fucking hate that shit. But do two months later, the skeleton, you know, I mean, this is two years later. I mean, why don't you keep going with it then? Right? Why not? Yeah, my point is, is that it's not something to I don't want, you know, me people to go, oh, I'm so sorry. I know we're talking about it here on this podcast.

We're gonna get a sympathy a lot after this airs, for sure.

But that's not what we're, I mean, this is a podcast and we tell our fans what really is going on.

You just didn't want the attention.

Yeah, but to post it, I felt like it was weird.

Who was posting it?

Not us, I'm just saying when people lose their dogs and stuff, they post about it. They do a thing, they do a video, they set up a camera and they do a thing.

Yeah, yeah.

Ring light and everything.

Yeah, but it was-

There it is, first and last photo.

Yeah, first and last photo. Oh my God. I do cry when I think of that.

Well, see, some of these are weird because both died, the person and the dog in some of these. The dog's still alive. Oh, it is? The dog is thriving. That's terrible. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you know what? A wonderful run, and you're going to get another dog again.

No, no, I'm not.

You got to get one more.

No, no, no, no.

You got to do it. Dude, I'm down to six now. Get it up to seven? It's the three dog, it's a perfect family. It's a good number. It's a good number. And- What are you gonna miss most about the dog?

Oh my God.

About Remy?

I love when dogs... We have one dog that's a betrayer.

Oh, Stubby.

Yeah, because Stub loves everyone.

So it's not just you.

Yeah, if you walked in the house, Stub would hop on you.

Best friend.

Best friend. Great dog. Yeah. Right? But Remy wasn't like that. Remy's like, no, you're my guy.

Loyal just to you.

Yeah. Julio's like that too. Yeah. Goonie's not like that. Our cat, my white cat, because he only loves me. If I'm laying down, he comes right to my chest and lays there.

Just for you. Just for me. Right. So Remy was like that, and so I had a special bond with him in that way. And I don't know, I'm going to miss him a lot. Where's the joke? Where's your joke, guy?

No, I didn't.

You get that one?

I wanted you to get that out.

Oh, yeah. You should have a joke there, guy.

Yeah, but your dog died.

Take the hat off.

I really like it. Mad homo. I'm sad that your dog died.

It's devastating.

And also, you know, I played with my dog a lot when you told me your dog died.

Really? Took her outside and went nuts. Yeah.

Fed her extra treats.

How old is she?

She's eight.

Oh my God. Eight's a good number though. She's good. She's cruising.

It's a good number. But she is eight. Yeah. She's not young. It's, you know, no one ever told, you know, when you buy, not buy, when you get a puppy, you're like, you just go, oh, but you just don't, you know, I had no idea that you could literally bond with it like it's family.

Yeah, it's like my kid almost. That kind of connection, right? It's, it sucks.

It sucks.

It just sucks, man.

Well, I think there's millions of people that, oh, that are, oh, well, the fans who have that experience, they know. It sucks, but it will, good memories.

Good memories.

Can I get some towels cleaned?

Oh my God, I will.

When was the last time you did laundry?

Mama, our mom did laundry two days ago.

But no towels.

No towels.

I'll do it tonight.

Will you?

I will.

I will. Does that sound real? Well, what happens? You wash, you fold?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Just like the old days. Can I be honest with you? And this is not a joke, right? I've never seen them do.

Oh my gosh.

This is not a joke.

You've never seen them do laundry?

I've never seen them do anything.

Well, the mom does.

Except lay down and watch, you know what I mean? HBO.

Right.

You're always in your room. So how could I never see us? What? You're always in your room. Yeah. So how could you see us?

Guess what, guy? I'm like Daredevil. OK, I have seven senses.

Oh, he knows. He knows.

I have touch. Right. Right. Right. Carlos. Right. I have touch. I have vision. Right. But I also have hearing abilities, right? And I know what a fucking washer sounds like when it goes off. And a dryer.

What does it sound like? Okay, I'm daredevil. Yeah. Okay. I have hypersonic, you know what I mean? I'm like a bat, the echo.

But bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang,

no fucking dryer.

No dryer.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, I'll wash tonight.

Okay, my senses better feel it.

Thank you.

I will.

My senses better feel it, okay? I'll fold it nicely too. Nicely too like your mom does I will do you know how to do it in the circular fashion It's kind of like that though, it's like a circular like I don't know where they learn it It's great. Maybe that from the islands or something, but it's a beautiful way of doing it

Well when they on the right over yeah, yeah

Cuz if you fold it standard like just fold it like a fucking you know, I mean square no, no, no comprendo, no comprendo, right? I want fucking circular, perfectly in the fucking, you know what I'm saying?

I'll ask my mom.

We'll call her.

My favorite is Issa using the fan like she, like it is. Like it is outside. And she's in the middle of a hot summer day in Mexico.

She's getting into it.

Yeah, no, I love that.

Get in character. And then we, another thing is we, I showed them the movie. What movie did I show you?

The Edge of Tomorrow?

Yeah, pretty good movie.

That's a great movie. You guys watch that together?

You see it?

I watched a-

Have you ever seen that movie?

Yeah, years ago. I watched the George Clooney movie this past weekend with my parents where he's an actor, he's himself. He plays himself. Is Sandler in it? Yeah. Oh, there he is. He's his manager.

Good?

J. Kelly.

Good?

Yeah. Okay. Yeah, it was okay.

It's hard. It's just Clooney being Clooney.

It's like literally him playing, it's like a narrative of his real life. And it just made me think how good you'd be to be Clooney. What's that? Oh, what's that? Someone here? Is there a delivery? I tell you, we have another delivery. Another birthday gift for you.

Another car?

No, look.

Oh.

Oh yeah.

Taco Bell.

Yay.

I got you a Taco Bell, Andres.

What's the order that you gave them?

I got beef potato griller, chicken bacon chalupa large fries another large fries But I already ate the fries

Thank you. You ate both of the fries. Yeah smart. Yeah, that's the best part Have you ever had Taco Bell?

Not really. It's not Spanish. It's not

What is it? How is it not Spanish? How is it not Spanish? Taco. Taco and bell. And there's so many bells in Spain dude. It's a whole country. That's where it was invented I think. The bell.

Take a bite. Yeah. Take a bite. Don't just look at it. Take a bite. Yeah. Yeah. That's so disrespectful. She went out of her way to buy italupa. Take a bite and let's see. Chalupa.

Mm, good, right?

You like it?

It's like the homeland.

No?

No, okay.

You don't like it.

Well, give it to McCone, he'll eat it. You know he'll eat anything.

Mm-hmm.

What does chalupa mean? shape of a boat with a spicy feeling, but it's made up. It's a taco. It says right there in Spain and Latin America, it's a small light boat or canoe.

Yeah, but isn't that what a taco is? A little light boat?

A little baby boat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But a chalupa is-

A thicker boat.

A thicker boat.

It's a thicker boat.

It's a fried boat.

Oh, it, yeah. You were on a little chalupa.

I had two chalupas on my face.

Yeah.

And I thought, okay.

A couple of tortas, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Some tortas.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, no, it means little boat or canoe. How do you not know that? boat. Mm-hmm. Also what I've been doing with for these girls is I set up the VR sandbox. Did we talk about that already? What's the VR sandbox? Get with the program guy. What is it? I don't know what it is. Google me VR sandbox. These guys don't know. Sandbox VR. Oh, that's where you guys went and fought,

when you shoot zombies? I saw that video. Yeah, yeah. Was that fucking amazing? Where'd you guys do that at?

We did that on La Siena, like more Century City.

Yeah, that's us.

Your position looks good, Bob.

Yeah, my position's great.

Look, yeah, look at my position. You know what the funny thing is? He even puts a gun down like a soldier so he doesn't shoot friendly fire. No, because he has to reload it.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

He even knows.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

He knows not to hit his own.

No, that's how you reload. Reload. You cheated! You cheated, you bought the laser gun.

So obviously you'd win.

It's all teenagers and then this 54 year old.

Yeah, with the laser gun. There's two things going on here that made me mad. Okay. Okay. Yes.

Let's do two things. Okay. Two things.

Yeah.

I cheated.

Yeah.

Okay.

I cheated.

I bought the laser gun. Did you guys have access to the laser gun?

No, I mean, the girl I'm saying got the laser guns.

And she still couldn't win with a laser gun. She took second.

Okay. Wait, what was the upgrade? You had to pay for the laser?

And they only gave you two upgrades. Like you're only allowed to have two laser guns, right? So I go, what do you want? I guess I'll take the handgun. You know what I mean? I'm like.

Yeah, spraying everywhere. No wonder why, look at, play the video. Look at his stance. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's got the kids going in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. On the left, on the right, on the left, on the right. Yeah, yeah. You guys screaming, bumping into each other is the funniest part. That's the funniest part.

Screaming.

It was only her, by the way.

Yeah, yeah.

And then let's address the second thing. One 54 year old, you, you know what dude, I'm a child. Okay, I play whimsical games.

You do, you have a, yeah, you like that.

What did we do yesterday that I set up?

Escape room.

Escape room.

Why do you like those?

It was very fun.

It was fun.

Such a white person thing to do.

I know, but I set things up,

you know what I mean, we did escape. We did. Who figured out the escape? What?

Who figured out the escape?

The people that worked there. It's like hint, hint, hint, hint. Right? We didn't do shit.

They told you.

Oh yeah.

But you know, Bobby wasn't the team leader. Yeah, actually we did a lot.

And then the only thing you were doing was like I think you gotta take a hint

Who took that stop who took the wire Who took the wire with the hook who took the wire in the hook put in the hole

But you were screaming at-

Yeah. And you were- Okay, who did that? You.

That was complex.

Okay.

You were getting angry. You were so angry. You were screaming at her.

Screaming at who?

The girl.

Yeah, my date.

Yeah, your date.

Yeah, yeah. date yeah yeah you were so angry at her yeah because she wasn't doing it right she it's one of those it's one of those things what are you smiling I'm listening all right so basically what what this situation is is it okay it's like a gigantic fish kind of like a fish bowl no like yeah bowl gigantic one mm-hmm with levels to it right it's like a fiberglass with little tiny holes in it, right? On the bottom is a key, right? You stick a...

All right.

You stick the little, you know what I mean, metal thing with a hook on it inside the tiny hole. And then there's another hole. She has a stick. All right. She has a stick as well, right I got it You got to bring your bring your stick over to hook mine

So then I can stick it out and stick it in the other hole so we can bring it up So we can get it out of the bigger hole on top. Got it, right? Yeah, that's all I was doing

She couldn't do that. We eventually did it. Okay, We eventually did it. But you got in a fight about it.

It's not a fight about it.

I was screaming at her.

I go, you're not doing it right.

No, that sounds like a fight.

No, that's just me being a leader.

Did she get upset?

It's me being Hexhef.

You're Hexhef? Anyway, we did get out. Yeah, on time. We got out on time. Yeah, on time. Yeah.

Speaking of touring comedians, this guy, big tour coming up, announced the finally tour.

And then I'm done. Rats.

I'm done.

You're done what?

Touring. You're done what? Done.

Done stand up?

For a while.

I stink, that smells like bullshit. Yeah, you stink too. No, you stink. Okay. Let me smell your armpits. No, but it looks awesome. This is your first time doing theater tour.

I wanted to- I've never done theater tour.

Huh?

I've never done one before. Well, I wanted to announce that, I think it's an important moment in comedy because most times- Weddings. You've never done a theater tour. Yeah, I think it's so cool dude. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you. What are you guys excited about? Yeah

No, you're gonna go are you you're not going

That is I have a body yet. No, we have a big bill. I know it's expensive

What is how much is Coachella to go to I don't know anything about it Do Google what is a regular Coachella ticket cost right now? Well right now, yeah. What is that? What do you already know? Yeah, because they're at a thousand right now. A thousand dollars a person to go to Coachella? Normally they're 500 I believe. Holy shit. That's just a regular admission ticket.

I went the third year it existed. If you and I went, just you and I went, it'd be free. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just you and I. But you just don't want to go with just you and I.

Yeah, but you said you'd get it for me for my birthday.

Happy birthday.

Happy birthday.

Who's the headliners this year?

I don't fucking know!

I don't give a shit!

Sabrina, Justin Bieber, Karol G.

Sabrina Carpenter. I'm gonna go with Tesla at the desert car. Happy birthday. Happy birthday, dude. Yeah. Okay, so wait a minute.

Which weekend are you going?

I'm sorry, are you Justin Bieber?

He's going weekend two. So this is the second weekend. So you guys are going to see Sabrina Carpenter, Justin Bieber, and who's Carol G? Am I out? Am I gone?

Am I stupid?

I don't know who that is. She's like a Latina artist. Why are they putting all these Latino people all over our lives? Is she playing the Super Bowl next year?

She's really good.

Carol G. Do I get inner Paul and strokes?

Yeah.

Yeah. Because we know Paul from, you know.

Love. Yeah.

Yeah.

He's like one of the cool guys.

And I love the strokes.

So, I mean, that'll be good for me. Zoom in. What does it feel like to be on the second night there after Bieber? Go zoom into the second night there. What does that feel like to be Yamaguchi last on the list? That would be bad friends if we headline something. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, we'd be after Mahmoud Orban. Yeah. And Reardon. Yeah, yeah. D Spitz and what a more Gen Z bad friends and Yamaguchi. Hello. I use Yamaguchi. Uh, are you still coming? I don't know, why you put me last?

No, no, no, you're first. No, no, no, because in Japan... No, in your country, don't you read backwards, right to left? But still in our country, if the last name is the last...

It should go, it should go Justin Bieber and then Yamaguchi. I don't know. We'll work on it. OK.

That's crazy.

That's crazy.

David Byrne. This is really good. Somber. There's some really great stuff.

Yeah.

Royal Otis, Love. You guys are going to have such a fucking fun time. I'm so happy I won't be there.

Yeah.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. April 11th 17th March April March April April

Oh my god, I'm so excited for you guys. You have to come. That's awesome. You gotta go We want we want you to go why cuz it's a long drive

It's an absolute nightmare, it's a nightmare. Yeah. I would never, I'd fuck-

Remember that one, dude, that one year.

Do you remember that one year?

So funny.

I know we talked about it before.

You guys got stuck for like five hours.

No, no, no, no, no. That's not what it was. What it was is that I, can I say, tell the story again? Oh, I pay for it, right? Which was, by the way, ungrateful. You guys do the towels tonight.

You do the towels tonight, all right? You want to go to a fuck in the desert? Towels tonight, dude. All of them folded in a circular fashion, okay? So anyway, my agent goes, yeah, all right. And you know, I pay for it, right? And the day of Kalilah goes,

you literally have to be there to pick up the tickets at the box office. And I go, I have to drive four hours into the desert and then drive back?

You do.

And then she's like, yeah. And I did that.

And you found out when you got there that you didn't have to do that. Yes. Yeah. Maybe the best part about all of it.

You didn't actually have to. I didn't actually have to do that.

But you should go to this. Cause you're gonna have a blast with them.

And by the way,

Yeah, I've never.

You're gonna go see some great bands. Interpol's gonna fucking rip.

I mean, think of how many things, This is the this is gonna be the first and last time I go to fucking yeah, okay You already went I've never been yeah, I went to pick up the tickets and I go back Go I'm gonna go inside yeah, yeah, I'm telling you right now I don't care if next year Harry Styles is gonna be there. I don't give a fuck. I ain't going no all right So are you sure this is the year you want to go yeah for that weekend with Justin Bieber

I know you're gonna love Justin Bieber. You're gonna have so much fun See Justin Bieber. What do you mean? You're gonna? He's on the main stage? I know, but I'm not gonna like physically be around though, but you're gonna be dancing your little heart out to just

Sing me a song Oh yeah, I will be, I will be, I will be, I will be, I will be. And then the other one I like is, uh, um...

If you...

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

What a... Dude, you're gonna have so much fun. It's like the boat. You thought you didn't like the boat, you got on the boat, you had so much fun on the boat.

Same thing. You told me I wasn't gonna like the boat.

I don't like the boat.

I know, but you told me that I was gonna have a bad time on the boat. I was projecting. You're projecting. Yeah, because I don't wanna do the boat. What is it? Okay, so we'll all be there, the girls too, right?

Okay.

We're on a boat, okay?

We're on a boat.

And all of our fans are gonna be there.

All the fans are gonna be there.

Yep, okay.

I'm already, I'm already shaking. Pretty good, right? I'm shaking.

I think my proposal's good so far, right?

Yeah.

Okay, here's the thing. All of our fans are going to be there. On a boat. On a boat. Yeah. All right. You and I will perform, we'll just do two shows in the main stage. One show one night, one show the other night. If the boat is Sunday through Thursday, we'll do a Monday night show and a Wednesday night show. Is that what they usually are Sunday to Thursday? Yeah. I mean that's what we did. Okay. Although when we landed we saw Chelsea Lynn. Getting on the boat. Yeah they're like ours are next. Oh they were

doing a boat. The same boat that we were on. Oh well they just flip these boats. They flip them. Yeah yeah yeah. I have a better proposal. No no I'm not done with my proposal. We take, how about this. Okay. We take a flight from LA to San Francisco. Our fans can buy tickets on that plane. We'll do a little standup. It'll be a 45 minute flight.

We'll get off and that'll be it.

No.

Okay. Bad friends air flight.

Okay, so and then we get to control the lineups.

Okay.

So we'll call our friends in. Hey, Gillis. Hey. You won't do it. Yeah, Shane Gillis. Already, no.

No, we'll call Shane Gillis. You know what, you're right. I'll call Sandler, Kevin Hart, Bill Burr, Louie, and I'll go, guys, we gotta do a boat thing. I get nervous on those things.

I know, but it's a once in a lifetime opportunity to really see your fans? I believe in multiple lives so I do I'll do it in another life. And also there's gambling. I do love gambling. Yeah so there was a there's a casino. Right? And I was playing blackjack all night long. It was so fun. So I do love that. But is it real money or is it? No it's real money. So you're actually losing money? You're losing money on the boat. Yeah I lost about three grand. Okay. Yeah yeah yeah. But um. Notable incidents of boat rides, 2025 Carnival Horizon had somebody kill another man, man overboard on the Morella Explorer. So November, twice in August, passengers drowned, Carnival's

new celebration key resort in the Bahamas. All 2025, passenger died aboard the Carnival

Dream. This feels like a lot.

These are old people, no?

I would hope so.

Yeah, yeah.

But I don't know. Yeah, yeah, but I don't know. Yeah. Yeah. What if our fans are old by the way? We want our fans to come on this boat, but you have to be over 65 to The shows are at 3 30 p.m. Yeah, I'll tell you the negatives. Oh, you'll tell me the negatives of what? I'll tell you the negatives you tell me the negatives for out of it off this thing. Middle of the ocean.

Okay. Pirates.

What did I just say?

I love Jews.

Oh yeah, yeah.

What are the negatives? Give me the list of the negatives. Cause I already feel it. I'm scared.

It's the food.

The food's terrible.

It's not good.

Yeah, it's cooked on a boat.

What? It's cooked on a boat. Even the fancy Italian restaurant you make at the Rebecca Reservation, it's all off-garden, you know what I mean? It's not good, you know what I mean? Yeah, I agree.

And then the teppanyaki, you know what I mean?

The teppanyaki wasn't good?

No. Where it's a 24-hour free just you know, everyone's there to buffet buffet, right and those are my favorite

It is

Terrible, it's bad. Oh my god. It is bad. Well, you're not pitching it. Well to our fans No, those are the bad. Those are the bad aspects. Oh, so they can okay. Yeah Good as a great spa wonderful spa great spa great that the pool right pools great that. The pool, right? Pool's great. Pool.

Fun, right?

Yeah, I have a pool. You have a pool. I have a pool too, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, you know, you can just go to your pool.

Yeah, yeah, go to your pool.

But here's another thing I would like to say. Another thing that I would like to pitch to you. Yeah, pitch it, yeah. It's a, it's connective tissue.

I'm listening, I'm listening.

Yeah, it's people that love you, right? Our fans and us connecting in a way, right? It's a very special experience for our biggest fan because only our biggest fans will be on the belt.

So you're saying, because I will say this, all joking aside, we adore the fans. We appreciate them so much. I love the fans. I love seeing them. I love it a lot. Yeah.

But you're saying the way to really get close to the fans is to make them pay to come on a boat to see us.

It's not just the pay to get on the boat. Oh, so it's free? No, you have to pay. Okay. Okay, you have to pay. It's them being with us. On the boat.

Yeah. So it's like after a show, it's like going out and sitting in the middle of the audience after the show.

But it's wavy. It's wavy too.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm gonna be honest and say this. Because I love-

Let's do a vote. Carlos do it online, whatever we can do it. Yeah, if people would, if they would come, let's just see how many people would come.

You know what this is like?

Yeah, yeah.

You know when a buddy does Coke, and somebody does Coke and they come up with like a harebrained business scheme and they're like, it's gonna be amazing. And they pitch it to you when they're sober and you're like, I, when like, hey, what do you think of this thing

where everyone can look up? Because every comic I know who's been on these cruises, Swartz and included, just did the exact same thing.

Yeah, what?

I wanna do a cruise, we should do a cruise. Swartz and said the exact same thing. I know. You don't know anything about it. That's why I think you should do it.

I'm not fun.

Here we go. That's the truth, right ladies? Who's funner? Tito Bobby or Tito Andrew?

Tito Bobby.

See?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're fun. So do a Bobby Lee cruise and I'll right on the side. Ha ha. Okay. I'll get on the boat with you.

No, you won't. There's no way. That was the thing that we talked about on the boat. Me and Nick, I would like imagine Andrew here right now.

Why wouldn't I do it?

Just.

Why wouldn't you do it?

Yeah.

I'd rather do a show on land for the fans.

Okay, good. It's different. It's a different thing, but anyway Let's move on from boat. Yeah, and you're trapped. Yeah, and if would you guys do it? Yeah, that'd be fun, right?

Fancy would not want to do it Carlos would do it. Oh, yeah Carlos Carlos. I'm a cone would do it Yeah, because they could be little bad boys. Yeah, yeah roam around looking for girls get every STD

Yeah, he's fucking a mermaid. How'd you get a mermaid?

And a siren.

How about this? If the boat doesn't go far, I could do it. Yeah, it didn't go far. No, I'll do one here to Catalina.

How about that?

I'll do a Catalina boat tour. A ferry.

A ferry. You wanna do a ferry?

I'll do a ferry.

We'll do a ferry.

Rowboat. We can rowboat. Yeah, we can rowboat. Sailboat? Sail with us. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come sail away. Come sail away. Come sail away with me. And then you have to raise the bow. I will. Yeah, okay. No, I just have a legitimate fear of. Or we could do like the ending of Titanic where I'm just to die and I'm just let's do that Anyway you can find a more clever way to get our fans together I am down okay, not a boat, but I would be I would love to interact with the fans I'm just not on a boat. What do you guys want? You interact with the fans. Do you want a bad friends boat tour?

Let me show up to shit dude. Yeah, how about this how about we get you two on a boat all the way back to the Philippines?

Yes, one way. But that's it.

Yeah, we fly back.

Yeah, we fly back. Yeah, yeah.

We send you and then we fly back. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now, you could convince me.

There's no way.

There is ways.

There is ways.

To do a boat. You could convince me if it was a short trip and it was, yeah, you could convince me.

Okay, what's the shortest trip that we could do, Carlos?

Well, going to the Philippines.

Sailing to the Philippines takes four to eight weeks or more.

It's going to be pretty tough.

Imagine, imagine.

That one's going to be-

Imagine, imagine Andrew's just in his cabin.

And they can't get me off the hook because I'm swinging because of the waves.

Imagine.

Okay. Wait, let me say something.

Yeah, yeah.

I would, I would shoot a TV, a reality TV show of you and I and them taking a boat to the Philippines. That I would do. That would be fucking hilarious. We'd have to live on the boat for how long?

Four to eight weeks.

I could do that for four weeks.

Just us four?

You have to speed.

Well, it'd be with other people. We'd be going to the Philippines. It'd be a lot of like, buck, buck, buck, everyone's going to the Philippines.

I know, but like our fans do can buy tickets. Why would the fans and the tickets? for us to take go to the Philippines. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I have a connection with my fan base. Stop it. I'm sorry that I'm grateful for their love.

This is good. Turn up the gas.

All right.

This is good.

I'm grateful. I'm grateful to them.

You know what?

Some people aren't. Some people are. Watch. Some people are. That's what they're doing it for.

Am I not right?

Yeah, that is right.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's the reason I do it.

Don't get angry.

Are you angry?

No.

No, don't look at me, dry. Are you angry?

I'm too tired to be angry right now.

Okay, good.

You tired, bud?

I'm so tired. Why? I don't know. Okay. That was great. We spent time in Arizona and we did that whole thing. Then I brought him back here to LA. The problem is when people come into town, you have to do things all the time. There isn't a day that's off.

I bet you all your hard work with your parents, that they're grateful.

Yeah, they are.

I bet at night they think to themselves, what a great son that we have. I hope so. Yeah. I hope so. Yeah, and we're grateful for his effort. I hope so. Yeah, we love him for him playing ahead right and um all the things that our son does for us and we're willing to do anything to make our son

happy and then the very next day they called because they couldn't log into apple tv and we yelled at each other on the phone for 15 minutes. Yeah exactly. He's like why can't I type my fucking name in the goddamn apple tv. Is that what your dad did? Yeah, and then I had to FaceTime with my mom so I could watch what he was typing. And he incorrectly put the password in three times. And instead of just doing backspace,

he cleared it every time. So he had to redo it every fucking time.

Wow.

Lovely people.

Yeah.

I love them so much.

So, you know.

But the stress of family is hard. It's hard. Especially if it's not actually blood. Is it not hard?

Is the stress of family hard?

No.

Yeah, yeah. For me it is. It's a weight.

I'll clean the towels.

Yeah, that's not what I was saying.

Not necessarily.

I will.

That's not what I was saying.

I'll clean your room. I told you to clean it. Because we had to go here. Yeah, we had to come here. Oh yeah, that's right. Okay.

Well, we didn't give Fancy any airtime whatsoever.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, let's talk about Fancy and his, can I just, I'll be honest with you. I swear to God on my mother's life. Okay, I shouldn't say that.

On her left half, because she can hear. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. My mother's right here. Yeah. OK. All right.

When I was on the boat, some guy pulled me aside. He goes, you know what makes the shell? And I go, me and Andrew? And he goes, no, fancy.

He's right.

He goes, he makes the shell. He's the bind. He's the adhesive. Without that, I don't think it'd be- He said, Nino Carlos or McCone? Never imagined their names. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I swear-

Best middleman.

To God, that's what he said to me. All right.

What'd you say?

Best middleman.

Best middleman.

Best middleman.

I don't even know.

He said best middleman. It's from last year. Best middleman. Say it again. Best middleman. Best middleman. Okay, good.

Do you have anything to say for your birthday?

Do you feel good?

Do you feel older?

Do you have a speech?

Yes, I have a speech. Okay, go ahead.

I feel so loved. I feel so loved.

Thank you for being a bad friend. Woo, yeah, woo, yeah, woo, yeah