Breaking news in Batshit Bonkers Britain with Katie Hopkins

Breaking news here in Batship Bonkers, Britain, where finally we have the defence plan for the UK.We waited nine months for it to be released, it's been delayed.and there's still a 4 .7 billion pound shortfall in the funding.A massive black hole the size of David Lammy's head.That will be for the eyebrows in the black t -shirt Andy Burnham to find if ever he does turn up from Manchester.In this defence plan we are going to be relying on drone technology and we seem to have acquired a bunch of second -hand drones on vintage from a dodgy Chinese firework display.

So that's all going to be perfect.In other news, whites at universities here in the UK, they are underrepresented at 80 of the 147 universities and are in a minority at 12%.20 of the 147 universities here in the UK.I don't know if you can imagine the kind of DEI contortions you have to go through to exclude bright, white, young people.

But it is always the case that ethnic minorities are protected just as long as they aren't white.

And finally, darlings, the Bayeux Tapestry on display here in the UK for the first time.It costs 33 quid to go and see it.

but it's in one long piece.Let me tell you this, young people, there are 93 penises on the Bayeux tapestry.A lot of them are horses, some of them are the horses' riders, and it's thought that the more higher up you were in the hierarchy, the bigger your knob was.So it turns out 11th century needle workers loved a knob gag as much as the rest of us.There is another replica at Reading Museum that you can see for absolutely free, but the Victorians found the bayou tapestry very rude and so they put little pants on the bayou.Oh my darlings, here is a chicken that I did in my needlework class at school.

Gifted and talented.That's it darlings.Batshit bonkers Britain.