Comrade Keir? Starmer’s Soviet agenda laid bare at PMQs | The Daily T

Has this become a government of calamity communists?That was the vibe at the first PMQs since Keir Starmer's life fell apart.

Kemi Bainock made three complaints.Why is the Labour government nationalising steel, importing Russian oil and trying to force supermarkets to impose price controls?Starmer studies, the art of pushing the can down the road and carrying out a review instead of making any decisions.You could have a whole syllabus based on U -turns.You could have another tutorial session on the art of the reset.

Yes.

What works, what doesn't.Oh, and then we could have another unit, couldn't we?Blame culture.Yes.If in doubt, throw staff under the bus in quick succession.

And an oral exam to determine whether or not you have been absolutely clear, which the Prime Minister was at several points during this PMQ.But...

Sorry, that's really...

Oh, is it?OK.

It's funny, Tim, you've had a trying morning.

Yes, I had to go to the US embassy to apply for a visa.So, because I live miles away in the wilds of Kent.

It's not that far away.It's half an hour by train.

Yeah, I had to get up super early anyway.Of course, the trains didn't work because of a points failure.So, of course, I had to run to the embassy.Of course, I went into the wrong queue.

Yes.

And was then told to join another one.Having done that, of course, I discovered you're not allowed to bring a laptop in.So, I was sent to a cafe and then had to rejoin the queue and then when I finally get in there with a bad knee of course there are no seats to sit on.

No, they don't want you making yourself comfortable there.

You're just standing for two and a half hours.

And you didn't have the right paperwork.

Well the night before I realised I didn't have the right paperwork so I wanted to print something off.I went to my mother's house and used her printer.

Do you not have a printer Tim?

I don't own a printer because they're too bulky.They're too bulky.So I went to my mother's house, I used her printer and she was so low on ink the pages just came out.completely blank.

Oh, not even like yellow?

No, just completely blank.So I then had to go to a friend's house and I showed up in my pyjamas.in the middle of the night and she looked horrified.

What kind of pyjamas do you wear?Silk?

They are silken, I would say.

Why doesn't this surprise me?

With tigers on.

What?Do you have a little pair of monogrammed slippers?

I think if I'd been wearing high karate it might have looked like a desperate flirtation.But it occurred to me this morning when I got up at six, I just thought, Labour's been in power for what, like a decade now?

Yeah, it feels like that.

And they've done nothing.to stop me having to get up so early in the morning.

No.

I think Angela Rayner would probably set it at no work before 10 a .

m.

That's right.Or 11 if you're hungover.

Yes, that's true.That's what it should be.Almost operating like political royalty there.The royals don't get going until about 11.

But I did notice, because I had to go to bed early, before I went to bed, I just stupidly looked at Tinternet.And the first thing I saw was government introducing price controls.And I thought, I'm going to bed.I can't cope with this right now.

I saw it last night and I went, you what?Thinking it was, why is this on the home news?This is foreign news.Yes.This is associated surely with some kind of foreign dictatorship.Yes.

Then I realised it was Rachel Reeves's own suggestion.That's correct.And we've got pieces now with all sorts of people, including the head of M &S, saying this is absolutely preposterous.If you want to help retailers, here's an idea, Chancellor.Why don't you axe some of the red tape and regulation?Oh, and by the way, some of the insane taxes that you've piled on employers in both of your budgets.

if it were to go ahead, would be you lower your prices and in exchange we delay some of the punitive regulation that we're putting onto you.In the government's sort of defence, this is done in France, of course it is.France is on strike for most of the year.It was voluntary price controls, it's not a government board telling people what they charge for things.And most strikingly, every mad Marxist idea of this Labour government has been tried by a Tory government first.Rishi Sunak flirted with this a couple of years ago, but was dissuaded.

Because the truth is, is that one industry that works quite well in this country is the super competitive supermarkets.

Yes, because we've got so many of them in such a range and such a price range too.

Yeah, and they have they have meal deals and wars.And really, the shopping is just a bit cheaper, I find here than it is in Europe.Okay, Tesco's, for instance, has recorded it record profits.But it does pass some of those on, by the way, in pay increases for its workers.

But also, aren't these basic goods that they're trying to price cap actually loss leaders anyway?I'm not sure the average supermarket is making much on milk, bread or eggs.And frankly, if you speak to farmers, they're certainly not making very much either.So it seemed like an extraordinary thing to target.I mean, by all means, introduce a price cap on chocolate.I saw a packet of Maltesers.

OK, a big square one.OK, it was in a garage, but a Sainsbury's garage.£8.

Right, there you go.

And toothpaste has been advertised in the station booths here and again.

And will soon be up to £8 on a litre of petrol as well.

It was like £11 for some Max Fresh.I mean, people did say, why are you buying a toothpaste at a station?It's like buying it in an airport.I said, I didn't actually buy it.I'm just giving you an impression of how much shopflation has been up.

There's no way.Imagine shopping in a petrol station as your regular.You'd think you lived in North Korea, wouldn't you?

You would really.

One or two things and they're in Insanely going shopping at a motorway service station.

Yes, where by the way, you know, it's amazing, isn't it the mark up there?You could buy an ordinary coffee there for literally one pound fifty more than it is in the Pret -a -Manger down the road just because you're a captive audience and they have Wimpy's too.I mean that's where you've turned up.

could you find a Wimpy's?But the problem with this plan is that if it were imposed upon the supermarkets voluntarily, they would pass the cost of the policy on to other goods.So yes, they may well place a cap on how much milk or bread costs, but the result would be that the price of other foods and materials goes up.So that's always the problem with that.

I thought Kemi Badenoch had a good run.I thought she had one killer line when she summarised...

Yes, talking of food price controls.

Indeed, the kind of trio of bonkers Marxist policies that the Labour Party has just come out with.

fake support from his backbenchers, too scared to take difficult decisions, losing his moral compass by backsliding on Ukraine.

So there was a mention there of the nationalization of steel.We know all about that.Now, it's a reform party policy too, I believe.But she also mentioned Easing sanctions on Russian oil now, there is a debate over what really is going on here Materially it is true that the government does appear to be easing sanctions on Russian oil Yes The government's reply is that we are doing that only in the interim while we actually toughen up Russian sanctions so that so the consumer doesn't get hurt while we impose new restrictions is We are going to eat some of them, but it's temporary.And the Tories did the same when they were in charge.

But I think the counter argument to that which she made well, and this plays well with the public, doesn't it?It's theinsanity, as she has described it on X, of our energy policy in general.that we have now decided to ban the issuing of new licenses for drilling gas and oil in the North Sea.Yes.Where others like Norway are drilling for it with great abandon and, by the way, are amassing huge profits from the sale of said gas and oil, plunging it all into a sovereign wealth fund, which my father, because he'd been reading the Telegraph at the weekend, informs me that Norway's sovereign wealth fund is now worth a million pounds per Norwegian.

Yeah.

Okay, so they're doing that probably under our very noses.

Yes.Meanwhile, whereas Margaret Thatcher splurged all on benefits in the 80s.Anyway, carry on.

All right.We should have had it.

I'm very pro sovereign wealth funds, but Tory government's had plenty of opportunity to set one.

All right.Well, we like the idea of the fund, but perhaps can disagree about how the proceeds are spent.No matter I think the public looks at the notion of us not issuing any more licenses when we're in this problem with having no real self -sufficiency, no supplies to fall back on, apparently this kind of emergency situation where on any given day, we can run out of gas and oil, combined with the need to scale up for AI and to build data centres and to have all of these policies about reindustrialisation that are going to require huge amounts of energy.And we're doing the precise opposite to what common sense would dictate with our own supplies in the North Sea, combined with then taking in more Russian oil and gas at a time when we know that's going to feed the Putin war machine.As Kemi herself said in the house, and I don't think she's far off, this could actually help Vladimir Putin Putin to kill more Ukrainians.It just doesn't sit well, regardless of how the Prime Minister sort of tried in his very loyally way to reason it.

the public will look and go, that's just daft and bonkers.

Yes, yes.Well, it was followed by a statement by Chris Bryant.They sent out Chris Bryant.

To be fair, later, Bryant admitted that the whole thing had been put together rather clumsily.And then the Bank of England governor, Andrew Bailey, said, yeah, I agree.It's a nuts idea.

What it adds up to in the round is, as Kemi put it, sanctions on British oil and gas exploration, but welcoming more Russian oil and gas into the country.And I think that's the tension there that Kemi is picking up on.

Absolutely.We did get the invention of a new word.Which I thought was interesting.So you and I, haven't we talked at great length about Keir Starmer's obsession with the process?Yes.Let me be clear.

Yes.The process was followed at all times.Now, there was a badenochism that she used to describe the Prime Minister's modus operandi.

He doesn't know what he is talking about.This level of processology is not going to get him out of these difficult answers.Let me tell him what is going on.Labour are giving money to Russia.Reform are taking money from Russia.There's only one party that is standing up to Russia, and that is the Conservative Party.

So Kemi had made up the word, processology, to take the mick out of the PM.But the PM, having heard it, liked it.and made it his own.

my son's struggling to decide his third A -level, could processology with a textbook by 1K Starmer, now retired from political life.Don't knock it.

There'll be dozens of former polytechnics now offering courses in processology.

Starmer studies, the art of pushing the can down the road and carrying out a review instead of making any decisions.You could have a whole syllabus based on U -turns.You could have another tutorial session on the art of the reset.

yes what works what doesn't yes oh and then we could have another unit couldn't we blame culture yes if in doubt throw staff under the bus in quick succession and an oral exam to determine whether or not you have been absolutely clear which the prime minister was at several point during this pm q but I do want to say this, and look, I'm starting to become sympathetic towards the Prime Minister because...Sorry, that's really funny.Oh, is it?OK.

It's funny, isn't it?

I'm starting to quite like...

How clear have you been today?

I'm starting to quite like the Prime Minister on the principle that anything Labour hates can't be all bad.

Are you all right?Can you stop doing this thing where you go, the thing is, you know, I don't actually mind the idea of price control.I'm actually, don't you?You're nudging me at our desk going, come on, aren't you beginning to feel a bit story for him?No, I'm not.No, I'm not starting to quite like the Prime Minister.

You're starting to quite like the Prime Minister, because instead of being rigid and stiff and absolutely humourless, maybe because his beloved Arsenal has won the Premier League, he's sort of feeling a little bit chipper.He thinks he's got reasons to celebrate, even though his world is collapsing around him.

This was the most laid back I've seen him at the dispatch box.And as Ethan Croft, the new statesman, said to me afterwards, it reminds one of a leaving drinks.There was a feeling of him laughing at himself, his own people laughing at him, but taking the joke in good stead.

He's demob happy then, Tim, that's what you're saying.Exactly.

He even had fun correcting himself.he accidentally said that Britain had signed a trade deal with North Korea.

Trade deals with the EU, but also with India, North Korea, and the United States.And I remind him of the value of those deals.Mr Speaker, before I answer that, I've just been handed a note saying that I inadvertently said we did a trade deal with North Korea rather than South Korea.That would be breaking news.Not very good.So before I'm referred to the Privilege Committee, can I correct the record, Mr Speaker, in that regard?

It was a slip of the tongue, but a pretty unfortunate one.

So what is running through the Prime Minister's head right now?And I do think the metaphor of her leaving drinks works rather well, because he must be thinking, I'm out of here.probably by about Christmas.

Yes.In fact, Christmas has been reported now as his own internal deadline.Yes.

The unions and ambitious people want to see the leadership debated at conference.But number 10 is feeling that they can push the timetable back to Christmas, which is always a happier time to go.And so there's part of him that will be thinking, this is nearly over.

Yes.

He'll be relieved, perhaps.But there will also be a part of him that's thinking, but that still gives me six months to turn this around.And there are a couple of ways in which things could move to his advantage.One is, what if Andy Burnham, our Andy, loses in Makerfield?

Yes.

polls suggest that's becoming a little bit less likely.Although the reform candidate, the plumber, I was amused.

We were discussing yesterday...Robert Kenyon, whose name...Robert Kenyon.Jake Berry, his colleague, got wrong on Newsnight last night.

He said Rob Jenrick was running.

Well, he said he's Robert Jenkin.We were like, who the hell's that?Probably somebody who's failed vetting.Get it right, Jake.Honestly.

Well, the Reform candidate I noticed we were discussing yesterday how much Labour is now imitating Reform.Well, the Reform candidate's video was just Andy Burnham's video.Yes.But without Andy in it.Yeah.

If Andy Burnham was a plumber.

Exactly.Yes.But anyway, so there's number one.What if Burnham loses?And number two is, number ten is saying, well, what if Burnham wins, but OK, it's Burnham, but then we lose the Manchester mayoralty.

Yes.

We could legitimately say Andy has just thrown away.Manchester.Yes.And Starmer has said all along of Burnham, you ran to run Manchester.You kept saying you don't want to be anywhere else in the world and you love that city and it's the only job you want.And then you walked away from it.

Isn't this why people hate politicians?

Yes, exactly.

Because they keep saying, vote for me to do this and I'll give you a full term of my attention.And then the minute an opportunity for something, another rung up the ladder comes along, they hop on it.

So that's so true, actually, the people that he Makerfield is just too much about the cult of Andy, but actually they lose Manchester to reform.

To Nigel Farage.In which case reform will be gaining by far its biggest electoral win that it's thus had.So.

Actually, and it will be an even bigger win, won't it, for Farage?Because in order for him, now they've segwayed away from trying to win over Tories and are trying to win over more and more Labourites.And by the way, I think they need a few defections in that direction.I love that he gave that deadline ofMay the 7th.What are you telling me that if we were discussing Jonathan Hinder the other day, I'm not suggesting for a minute these MPs would actually defect, but there are a few candidates that you could see maybe turning if they think their electoral chances are slim to minimal.

Imagine Farage being able to say, well, look what we've done in Manchester.If, for instance, they do win the mayoralty, they do a good job of it.And by 2029, they do look as if they have conquered the North.Like in a proper, we've governed something sense.

Yes, exactly.So half of the Starmer brain is thinking, I'm out of here by Christmas.I can relax a bit, have fun with the G20, that sort of thing.And the other half of his brain will be thinking, Or the party will come back to me and beg me to stay.

Although what do we make of the National Executive Committee?going from a situation where they blocked Andy Burnham from doing the chicken run to Gorton and Denton eight to one or something.

Yeah.

And have now just waved him through.

That's been blamed on Lucy Powell, which suggests that the deputy leadership election was more significant in the long run than we appreciate.

She beat my girl, Bridget Philipson, who, by the way, has been hanging out with Gemma Collins.Do you know who Gemma Collins is?

I do now.

Yes.Didn't you before?

OK, I can't say anything without it being viciously cruel.So it's probably best if I don't.But of all the departments to find a celebrity face of, Gemma Collins and education?No.

I mean, Joan Collins, maybe.But no, really, really odd that.Yeah.

I'm not sure what I think of it.I did a topic on Richard III.Not many youngsters would know about Richard III today.I love Richard III.Can I ask you, what did you learn at school?Because I would love your job.

Just for this office alone, I wish I could have been as smart as you.

Was Danny Dyer unavailable?

Danny Dyer's too busy filming Rivals, which if you don't watch it, I cannot recommend more highly.

And adverts for gambling too.

Well indeed.But we love him because of that famous tweet that he put out on the 10th anniversary of of 9 -11, do you remember?I can't believe it's been 10 years since Dem Slags brought down the Twin Towers.It still does my nut to this day.So Bridget Philipson was pushed out by Lucy Powell and you're saying that was consequential because Lucy Powell has done this weird three hour consultation that has resulted in the NEC basically putting bernard forward as an Uncontested candidate.

Yes to basically replace the prime minister pick up on kemmy's soviet analogy And the north korean bants.Yes, how soviet is it?that Burnham had no one else in the selection race.He was crowned, the King of the North was crowned to be the nominee in a contest they assume is then going to crown him to be the MP and then crown him to be the leader.

Also I was reflecting as you had come back from Parliament today saying actually the Prime Minister had quite a good session and that's fine.I mean, I'm not completely down on him.He was certainly a bit more relaxed than in previous weeks.I accept that.And I was actually reflecting, I wonder how Badenoch sees all this.I wonder if Burnham will be any good at PMQs if he becomes prime minister.

Yeah.

Because it's almost the thing that, and she nailed him, didn't she, by saying, you know, you can patronise me all you like.This has been the problem with Starmer's performance.It's been mansplainerish.It's been condescending.It's been sort of puffed up and pompous.It's made him look, frankly, like a bit of an arse.

And I just wonder, old eyelashes, as he flutters them at the leader of the opposition.has he got what it takes?Has he got a mean enough streak to perform well at the dispatch box?Because on one hand, you'll look at it, and we've done a report today saying, actually, if Burnham does become the next prime minister, that does create problems for Nigel Farage.Reform would rather, as he said to us, the day of the local election results, he'd rather Starmer's in place forever because he's, quotes, their best recruiting sergeant.The Baidnock.

It is a problem in the Red Wall in the way that Gordon Brown was a problem in Scotland.Baidnock, I think, has also got the problem that she's stuck in the William Hague zone, which is like the friend zone in romance, as in everyone likes you, but they're not actually going to date you.And every week at PMQs is her versus Starmer and she bosses it.

Yes.

And she is increasingly popular as a leader of her party.But her party is less popular than Ebola.And the Tories...

I think that's a little bit of an exaggeration.

The Tories are not the main party in Makerfield.

They're not the races in Makerfield.But hang on, less popular than Ebola.You've got to put them ahead of Labour in this week's poll.Can we just have some perspective here?But I'm merely making the point.Because the thing is with Starmer, legally trained, knows how to debate.

What debating experience has Burnham got?Why is there this notion that because he's able to look comfortable in a black t -shirt and jacket that he's suddenly this brilliant parliamentarian?Is he a brilliant parliamentarian?

He's not.What he will do is suck some of the air out of her performance by just being so ruddy dull.That's what he does.

Well is it going to be ruddy dull or ruddy nice?

It'll be a mixture of nice and dull.He'll say things like, well I see where she's coming from and I thank her for making that point.And it'll work to begin with.Because it's very difficult to argue with dullness.So will we end up missing Keir Starmer?I don't know.

But one person who certainly won't is our...friend, Karl Turner, who...

Suspended Labour MP, we must point out.

That is correct.Still sits on the Labour side, in fact, on one of the fronter benches of Labour.And he said this to the Prime Minister.

to bring in single -judge trials in England and Wales, I received hostile briefings and smears about my mental health from the lads in No. 10 Downing Street.The Chief Whip's shaking his head, but he knows about it, Mr Speaker.The Prime Minister knows that my nephew Matty took his own life as a result of work -related stress as a young criminal lawyer.So during Mental Health Awareness Week, while ministers spoke with compassion about health and wellbeing, did the Prime Minister reflect on those hostile, discriminatory briefings which he knew about and he allowed to happen?

Can I thank him?He has told me previously about Mattie and the impact that that had on him.And I totally understand that.And I want to be absolutely clear that nobody should be smeared in relation to mental health.Nobody on any issue, whatever they may argue on any other issue.Nobody.

And I will do everything I can to make sure that that is the position.

Now that was obviously a very personal intervention.And what the cameras didn't catch, which I saw from the gallery, is that when it was over, Turner walked towards George.Reynolds, who is the chief whip, said something to Reynolds, and Reynolds said very loudly back to him, that was disgraceful.And then David Lammy put his arm around Reynolds.So there's a real tension.

Carl Turner can be a bit of a loose cannon, but he's just sharing the frustrations of many backbenchers with the Prime Minister in general, isn't he?

He is.And the question was unimaginable before Keir Starmer's leadership imploded.It is another sign of the times.However much Starmer might be enjoying this slight retirement vibe, he is still greatly disliked.And there are people who want to see him go now.This week we got the debut question from Hannah Spencer, that is the dotty green plumber who was elected in Gorton and Denton, and she tried to ask about MPs drinking.

Thank you, Mr Speaker.Well, in Gorton and Denton, we have to pay full price for a pint.But here, for some reason, it's cheaper and some MPs drink before voting.And that really shocked me when I came to Parliament, because it is our workplace.Now does the Prime Minister agree with his own MPs who've defended their right to drink cheap alcoholic work?Or does he agree with me that MPs shouldn't be drinking on the job, given that we vote on huge things like the climate crisis, disabled people's rights, housing, child poverty?

When she started speaking, someone shouted, anyone fancy a pint?And behind her, Sarah Pochin was mouthing, get a life.

She has a point, by the way.You made this.Spencer wants to ban drinking in Parliament, but legalise heroin.

Right.Also, she just, it's funny how someone who should represent hippie, libertarian fun, almost overnight,

And there's nothing worse, by the way, speaking as a teetotaler, I mean, my point is you have as much as you want to drink.Just don't make me drink.Yeah.Because then, you know, it could get nasty.I don't so much unwind as unravel, but like you knock your socks off.I mean, you just get as drunk as you like.

There's nothing worse.It's like the reformed smoker who, when they're in, you know, the distance of smoke, start coughing and spluttering.It's just it's it's it's fun spongery at its lowest level.

But the PM.You've got to admire this one.Gave a masterful response.

Can I firstly welcome her to her place because I think this is her first PMQ.Look, there are going to be different views on whether people should be able to enjoy a drink here or not.But I think we can agree that the majority of people in this country want an economy that works for them, public services that are there when they need them, and every child going as far as their talent or ability will take them.But the only way to deliver that is through a Labour government, as we are doing.The Greens think that their leader walks on water.It turns out that he just lives on water and doesn't pay his council tax.

The irony is Zak Polanski's never in Parliament because of course he doesn't have a seat.He isn't actually an MP and we're all trying to work out what he actually is.Meanwhile the other person who was notable by his absence was of course Nigel Farage and the Prime Minister couldn't resist pointing that out when he was given this very convenient planted question by a colleague.

I thank my hon.Friend who makes a powerful case.We have already committed to a moratorium on crypto donations.political parties, and the King's speech introduces tougher rules to protect our democracy.But the £5 million question is, why did the reform leader keep this donation secret?I see he is not here to answer.

And what did the billionaire lining his pockets ask for in return?Those questions need to be answered.That's why he's not here.

Isn't it becoming a bit problematic that Farage is lesser spotted in that chamber?

No, I'm not sure that it is.They've calculated that it doesn't matter and it's probably not worth the trouble, partly because you'll get jibes about the £5 million donation.And a couple of days ago, Rob Jenrick tried to make a super serious point in Parliament and the Lib Dems did this to him.

And where are we?Where are we less than two years later?

You're in a different party.

We're here.We're here.We're here.You used to be there.We're here.

And part of the problem with that is Rob's response was not light enough.No.He should have tried to laugh it off.The Lib Dems are rather unpleasant to reform, by the way.They do heckle and interrupt their speeches all the time, partly because the Lib Dems have convinced themselves that reform are like a neo -fascist movement or something.

Yes.

But you need to be able to laugh these things off.And there's an element of reform that it's funny about other people.Very good at making jokes about other people.Not so good at laughing at themselves.

Yes, and we do need a bit of that.

You need a bit of that.Someone who asked a question which I also thought was very funny was Esther McVey.

Thank you, Mr Speaker.For clarity, does the Prime Minister agree withAndy Burnham when he says we should rejoin the European Union, or does he agree with Andy Burnham when he says we shouldn't rejoin the European Union?

I agree with what we said in our manifesto, which we are implementing.We are closer to the EU by the agreement we reached last year.We'll be closer again by the agreement we reached this year.We're building on the botched Brexit deal that they did, which did such damage to our country.

Of course, someone who was not seated on the front bench this week, but sitting at the back with other people who had resigned from the government, was Wes Streeting, former health secretary, watching the whole thing.He was not amused when the SNP referred to him in passing as Peter Mandelson's pal.But Wes stood up later on to deliver his resignation speech, which was statesman -like.

I left the government because we are in the fight of our lives against nationalism.And it is a fight that we are currently losing.Unless we change course, we risk handing the keys of number 10 to reform.And I do not want that on our conferences.For the first time in our history, Nationalists are in power in every corner of the United Kingdom.Scottish and Welsh nationalism represents an existential threat to the future integrity of the United Kingdom.

And Reform UK represent a threat to the values and ideals that have made this country great.And ideals that are written into the DNA of the National Health Service they would dismantle.

Who would have thought it?He doesn't like Brexit, but he does like Wegxit.Do you get it?And we are going to be back tomorrow with more of these golden...5pm.