Count Binface: I'll take on Farage in by-election | BBC Radio 4 Today

Now, the interview of the morning.Count Binface has confirmed that he is going to run in the by -election in Clacton if it takes place.This is the by -election that the major parties are saying, as we've heard from them all this morning, they are not going to run in.So, who better to talk to about this?Joining us live, Count Binface himself.Good morning to you.

Good morning, Justin.Good morning, Today listeners, planet Earth.It is a pleasure to be here.

I should say, I should say you are, I can see a video link of you.You appear to be in outer space and wearing your bin.

Well, what else would you expect, mate?You know, I was on my way back home to Sigma -9, bit of R &R.And then old Nigel throws his toys out of the pram as a hissy fit, calls an unnecessary by -election.I got wind of that.I've turned around the starship pronto.How about that?

Lovely.

What is your appeal going to be to the people of Clacton?

I'm not Nigel Farage.

It's a full manifesto.Yes, so I'm assuming from that that you are going to be sparse when it comes to policy promises.

How dare you?I've got a full and costed manifesto, Justin.It's just that, you know, I like to tailor it to each constituency.I mean, some of my national policies will remain.I pledge to build at least one affordable house.I will nationalize Adele.

I heard your bid about the water, and I'll make water bosses have to take a dip in British rivers to see how they like it.I'll price cap 99 flakes at 99 pence.I think the Clacton folk will like that one.And so it goes on.But if you'd done some research, you'd know that.Can you win?

Probably not.But then, you know, my job is to celebrate and defend the wonders of British democracy.And look at this, eh?The fact that you're interviewing me on the Today programme, because all the other parties aren't standing, says more about them than it does about me.Are they running scared from old Binnie?Or do they think that Nigel's running a cunning stunt?

And I pronounce that carefully at 8 .55 in the morning.

Do you now, moving swiftly on, call on Kemi Badenoch, Sir Ed Davey and other major party leaders to back your fight for Clacton?

Er, no.I don't need them.I mean, they can do whatever they want.They're too busy trying to shore up their own positions, wouldn't you say, Nick, in the face of such trenchant questioning from you when, of course, you're not celebrating Manchester United.But, you know, I'm game for anything, just like I'm game for the fact that your lovely people got me on for 8 .45 and I've been listening to taped bits of your debate.And now you've got me in the crazy roller coaster spot where the pips might come at any minute.

I'm game for anything.

enough from you, Count Binface.Pleasure to talk to you.