Ep 583 - Ice Cream Dream (feat. James McCann)

Wow. Wow. Wow. Wes. Hey,

sup, guys. What's up, everybody? How are we doing? This is just awesome stuff. This is all this is great stuff. I love this, man. What's that? Just this podcast and chilling. I'm right now I'm I'm dealing with all the haters on Twitter right now. What are the haters doing?

Dude, I sent like a friendly tweet out yesterday saying like how much I can't believe I can't believe how much I look like Mark Wahlberg with my hat backwards. Everyone's stacking me saying like yeah Mark Wahlberg quotes and they give me pictures of Fred Durst.

I'm like yo what the hell guys.

It's got to be nicer than the handsome young boys.

That's a nice compliment.

Yeah.

I remember.

No you see the picture.

There's rules.

I'm going for Wahlberg, bro. I'm going for I was Joe obviously I was kidding. I was like damn I can't believe how much I look like Mark Wahlberg. Can I see? I look exactly like Mark Wahlberg.

I know. I know.

You look exactly like him. Can you do a Wahlberg impression? I'll have to think about it. Was he doing a thing? Yeah, you gotta show him the uh, what's the fucking name of the brand municipal how long is it for my jeans are too short my wife made fun of me this morning mm-hmm oh yeah you do those I got the project right Sheltie's on municipal mmm look at

the swag mmm did you see him with a pray this morning at 5 a.m. then I what did you pray at 5 a.m. I probably did I woke up right up if I always I say very pretty do an AC Slater stay straight plate prayed up AC Slater stays prayed up yes I didn't know that Slater and fucking Wahlberg are boys do I boys yes and they're tough I saw him mogging Drew ski bro do my juice mark Wahlberg oh yeah I did see you

think I'm from that's what he said on Drew's show. Boy, what do you think I'm from? It's pretty sick. You see Eminem mog, Walberg? Yes, I saw that one. That was he mogged the shit. Well, Walberg was trying to switch lanes. I think. Walgreens probably like man, you catch me 10 years ago when I was wowing out we see about this. But yeah, Eminem mugg Wahlberg on TRL. Yeah, Eminem was mean to him, dude.

Well, he was just kind of like, just killing him. I don't know, what was Wahlberg doing that he didn't,

he was probably partied out.

Eminem, I think, hated every white rapper. Yeah, well, also it was Marky Mark. So he was getting compared to Marky Mark all the time. It was kind of like a diss. He hated. So we had to bring it to him. He always talked shit on Vanilla Ice, Mark Wahlberg. True. All of them. That's our problem, is white rappers, dude,

just grabs it in a bucket. I know. We gotta change the culture. We gotta stop the violence and vote. As white rappers, we need to stop the violence and vote. White rappers probably do need to stop the violence

and vote, dude. They do. I think they need to get freed up. The non-Jewish white rappers. I feel like the Jewish white rappers are nice.

Yeah, they're fine.

You think the Beastie Boys are more for each other?

They're definitely cool. Dude, I was at a, fuck, where was I recently? Buffalo. I was in Buffalo walking into a show and a guy was like, yo, check it out, it's Ad-Rock's jacket. He was like, I think he used to drive limos and Ad-Rock left his jacket. Literally said Ad-Rock was an old Beastie Boys jacket. It's incredible.

It's awesome, he let me wear it.

He goes, I didn't even, he's like, put it on.

I'm like, oh cool. That's how you started feeling like Mark Wahlberg. What the hell are you talking about? King really felt I really felt the power man felt our ancestors I did I felt good man put on the ad rock jacket you know but hey you know how to give it right back but it's kind of hoping you let me keep it but it was actually it's a sick possession yeah driving a limo and ad rock leaves a jacket he's like dude I've been wearing this thing for like 10 years I think was sick but yeah oh you're a

white rapper oh shit hmm I've been rapping I've been laying it down mr. very good rapper I'll be out there I'm just waiting I'm trying to do production now trying to get other people to do the rapping and no one will buy the beats really zero beats

purchased you know it's hard to sell beats now you just go on yeah you just go on and be like you should make like two hundred fifty thousand dollars for beats and now it's like you just do a whatever Swiss beat style

there's a million things on YouTube. I may have to pay for a feature it may come to it. What I would like to do is get a street rapper. What's your hook?

You gotta yell something out. Like we the best? I'm like I'm Lupe Fiasco I got no hooks. Yeah you need a cool hook that everyone has to have. Oh, like a producer tag? Yes. Wasn't Lupe's first and 15th, or was that just the album?

I think it was the first and 15th.

First and 15th.

First and 15th, I think, was the crew just hitting.

It's kind of a hook.

Those are the days that the welfare checks would arrive in the neighborhood.

Yes, that's true. like that you need something like that or I mean if young Metroid yeah trust you one time we were in a car yeah I'm not gonna name the perpetrator yeah cuz I know snitch yeah it's me Nate and another white comedian in the car and out of nowhere he yelled take heat fuck. And he did it. Whoa. I think he forgot Nate was in the backseat and we all had to just be like, all right, we all agree that was a mistake. Sorry. Everybody's sorry. I feel like you handled it well.

No, it was, it was, it was undeniably funny.

Classic mistake. It was so loud. It was out of nowhere. I do feel like the rap, I feel like the rap excitement, N-Word, gets a... Song wasn't even playing.

Oh, okay.

I thought the song was playing.

It was not. I vividly remember.

What was weird?

I was trying to create that part in my mind.

No, we were in traffic. Traffic? Traffic, exactly.

I think that's what jarred it loose for him. At that Childish Gambino gig he did the Stay Woke song which has a very prominent N in it but the audience is mostly white. Yeah, oh rap concerts are. And it's at the, it was very strange though at the peak of the chorus the energy comes right down for two seconds when everyone respectfully leaves the words out and goes back to singing the chorus. Oh yeah. Stay woke, creepin' they'd leave.

I've seen white people at rap concerts fully get their money's worth. So it was suck. You saw it was suck 99? I couldn't. You saw DMX was suck 99?

I think I was at a Kanye concert where he was-

10 million whites getting it in.

I was given permission by Kanye from the stage to participate, I believe. Really? When he was doing his tours he would always he would say get into it say that.

Oh he'd be like don't hold back. I think schoolboy Q had a thing as well. Remember when Kendrick tricked that poor honky woman? It's not right. Yeah. That evil bastard. Wait so Nate what was the was it like you just give the guy a yellow card or like what was the... He got yellow. He used his yellow. One more. It was red.

I think anything we've ever seen before.

Yeah, it was it was a tough one. I didn't know screamed it.

Take a fuck.

I was having a sleep back there. Just coming. Yeah. I think that was it. You were quiet for a while. I think you were sleepy in the car.

Yeah, we had like a two hour drive or so.

I was talking to an Uber driver in Tulsa this weekend who said he picked up this like old black lady, like an old like church lady was driving her from the airport somewhere like kind of far away and the ride was so long that he had forgotten he had an uber passenger and he's like dude so I'm like thinking I'm going home I have a joint in my mouth I'm fucking blasting to it he said someone cut him off he didn't say what he said he goes bro I let out every word in the book and just just everything

screaming and I turn around to see this little old black lady just staring from the back. He went, oh, Jesus Christ! I was like, ma'am, I forgot you were back there.

I'm so sorry about that.

Scared of a passenger?

He got terrified.

He was like, you should have seen the look on your face, ma'am. She was like, you should have seen the look on your face. And he goes, yeah, I was scared. scared and then he he dropped her off she goes I'll pray for you young man and just walked away thank you ma'am yeah forgetting you have a passenger an uber so funny he goes dude I was like almost home I would almost brought this lady to my house down he happy to chat features where it's at you get the good story

literally can't couldn't disagree more I know you're getting good stories for the pub. I get great stories. I know you're getting good stories for the pub. But that sucks.

You can set happy to chat on your Uber.

Yeah, but you're still selecting comfort to get happy to chat. You don't get that option at the lower down Uber.

You don't get happy to chat on UberX?

No, UberX, you get... They're not getting paid as much. They want to make their time valuable. They'll be chatting.

I've chatted them up in some UberX.

I've had some of the worst UberX chats of my, I explained his movie ideas to me. And then I felt like, well, just get to the end of it. Don't interrupt. And then I noticed he had started going like 12 miles an hour he slowed right down so that he could explain the full extent of the movie idea. It was his idea was to get homeless people to work in a hotel and make a documentary about it and have the documentary. Who's your driver Matt?

The homeless hotel. Yeah obviously. What a cruel but they can't stay there.

I don't understand yeah they were making so much money from working in the hotel.

They were barracks in the basement for them.

Who's choosing to stay at... When you're looking up all the Yelp reviews of the hotels or whatever, you're going, I think this homeless hotel, that's a good...

Yeah, that's a terrible idea.

What else did he elaborate? Anything?

There was going to be a sequel. He was going to hire one as a manager. It was gonna open a chain and

So homelessness in america be fair man. They're already equipped. They got the shopping carts

You'd have lined up like the uber for your stuff You just have like a line of like 20 of them come up put them in they watch them just walk away with all of yours Just take it immediately

Homeless hotel will be nice. I think the answer is the military. The more I think about it. Military? Military wing for the homeless. They need jobs. This is how Mao Zedong fixed the opium crisis in China. He just took everyone who was an opium addict and he put them in the army and he said, you have purpose, you have a uniform.

This is what you do now.

I honestly don't think that's.

Don't send the National Guard in. Brigade they could just there's a ton of work they could do in the military I wouldn't get that Hitler did that many people kind of he took like insane people and criminals and shit and was just like just go kill as many people as you can civilians yeah on the Eastern Front yeah I'm thinking more like having appeals the name of that group I don't know this is the first time hearing about that yes look that up there's a circus now they were just the worst people and their job was to kill civilians

Well, the problem is too once you put homeless people in the military now there they have to answer to like Military court, so I think you could like beat them up and stuff If they try to run off thing they try to run away. I think you'd be able to like get in their face and be like, maggot, maggot, where you going? Wish fulfillment very quickly. They'd be right back at the kill zone.

I'm not a maggot!

I have maggots in my skin.

There's bugs everywhere.

I might start a street military, like just like a cadre where I go out and I'm like,

get up! Kiss your mother boys!

Just get the waking up, that'd be a good service. Just to wake up homeless guys? You gotta play taps to put them to bed. You gotta put them to bed at night. You gotta hit taps at like noon when they're nodding out. Dan, that'd be so funny, blasting with the bugle.

Wake up boys, welcome to hell! That just reminds me of my time at the Point, man's all right there was a time they do play taps before you go to bed do they and I was laying there like I could do this yeah it's fucking nice dude but we all here in taps you're like what is tabs playing tabs they play you

into bed yeah I didn't know that they...

They tuck you in, didn't they? What was that Hitler Brigade? Get in there.

It's hard to pronounce, but I think it's the Durrell-Wanger Brigade. Durrell-Wangers?

Yeah, yeah. They were led by a child sex criminal and sociopath named Oscar Durl Wanger nice so that was his his group of merry men and what did he lead he led just like he's another group of yeah they would do like rapists and drunks and war crimes yeah and they just went around and committed war crimes in Belarus he's the

he had the pedophiles I think that's what it is at least there's there's a

few and what was the deal afterwards if he survived it? Was it like clean slate? I'm not sure. I'll check it out. Yeah, I don't think they were looking at the future at that point. Yeah, that's true. Well, anyway, that's a fun topic. Yeah, I was thinking something a good idea and turns out Hitler did it and you go you're at a crossroad We have to either be like I take it back

I think the Autobahn is cool fast highway. We'll give him that big stadiums. That's great We like big stadiums. What?

After the war they were just sent back to jail. I'm just reconvicted Hitler really was a bastard

Don't trust a word. He says back to the clink fellas Good luck sleeping That's crazy. Yeah, I'm sure the Soviets did that too Everybody was yeah scraping the barrel true in America was nothing nothing but like those YouTube pedophile hunter guys being like,

hey, what the hell are you doing?

Hey, he's running past the tomatoes.

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Then redraw the lines of battle with portal Mm-hmm battlefield red sec is available on PC PlayStation 5 and Xbox X and S Play free now. I love it. I have a hoop playing that game And it's I think I don't seen any pedophile. I was like in my algorithm for a while. It's kind of like falling out What hunters the belly punch? Yeah, the belly punch. Belly punch guys. Body check into the deodorant guys. Now we need a new task force to police those guys specifically. Hey,

stop watching. Once you get the taste of body checking somebody in a CVS, that's tough to get out. Check into someone into the fucking aisle. So fun, especially when you're like, cause they're watching videos of their work. So you're like studying technique. You're like, I could have laid into that guy. I couldn't fuck. Mexican autistic guy. I can really hit him harder.

I'm glad you guys are here. You guys, I'm doing the same thing. I was trying to get the kids so nice. They're like, yeah, you sure? No, that would be nice to, you good and this would be this would be a very delicate kind of line to walk where you Go online as a joke and you try to find or entice these guys you can tell our operatives So it'd be too risky because he would have to do like lewd talk with who could be a teenager

but then like you you get trapped on purpose by one of these guys and you meet them in the Walmart and then you have a bigger guy than him there to be like, fuck you. I heard you're a fucking pedophile. I'm like, no, I'm not. I'm here to get the pedophile.

You're talking about trapping these guys with a squad to beat the fuck out of the pedal owners for no good reason. Just pedophiles were just for YouTube views. Just so that's where my heart you want the pedophiles to get a win on one of these videos. I don't want the pedophiles get away. Are the fucking Washington general. I want I want to trick them.

I would hire a pedophile to make you know, if you had any meetups, let me go. And I'd be like, I wouldn't I want to talk to kids like you want to be the for pedophile hunter hunter where I hunt out pedophile hunters. I like it. And then accuse them of pedophilia as a prank.

Jessica, it's a huge relax.

It's a prank.

Good practice. You want to rumble in the Walgreens? I don't want to do it. I'm going to hire a giant man. I like five.

Yeah, exactly.

Whale. And then we got to fucking your brothers about a fucking what the fuck should honestly just start doing that to random dudes at the shopping center. Be like, you're here to meet a 15 year old. Be like, what? It's got you to meet a 15 year old. You know, now you say that's a way better way to do it. You

know, rather than having to risk it all. Because you'd have to like talk to local law enforcement, like hey, I'm gonna prank, we're gonna be, you know, pretending to talk to kids online, and I'm gonna hire like AI bots to do that for me, I'm not gonna do it myself. You see what I'm saying?

It's not bad.

Well, it's a terrible plan, but.

Yeah. No, no, no.

It's a funny joke.

I know. to catch a predator and people just took that and made that a YouTube show. But none of the other great weird early 2000s TV shows that you couldn't make today have made the jump to like someone could make a The Biggest Loser now just get a fat house. Yeah. You're talking about a blob farm. Yes. But there were like heaps of those shows that you go you can't do that.

We were addicted to the getting the fats to shrink for a while.

Oh, I would watch it. They would release it just after dinner time. You'd be eating your dessert and you'd watch the workouts. My wife went in a deep dive on Biggest Loser and found there was someone who died on the show briefly. They were resuscitated.

The Biggest Loser. On The Biggest Loser. But then they were brought back to life and the doctor said I'll train you you don't do any work with these trainers now They're trying to kill you and then they lost more weight than anybody on the show Maybe was she might have been Netflix. She was watching the Netflix fat people document. I love that show

Yeah, it's awesome But yes, you're saying they haven't remade enough of these shows. I think they're bringing back fear factor right now. Yeah Who's gonna be the host. I don't know

Yeah, you like that

That'd be sick if he hosted the new fear factor be awesome. He's got to get swole though, bro That's the that's the only thing I get swole. Tony Swole, the first time I came to Austin, he was swole as fuck. Yeah, he's ripped for sure. I do wanna see him bulk. Yeah, you can bulk up. I wanna see him bulk and then do Fear Factor.

That'd be sick. What else was there back then? What shows?

Oh, in terms of like those. couldn't we do? There were I mean there were little ones on odd channels there was like like wife swap. Oh yeah. I'm still watching that. There was a season of Survivor where they divided the tribes by race. Really? Yeah it was Parvati's first season there was a black tribe, white tribe, Asian tribe and a Hispanic tribe. It was like the 15th season. Really? Yeah, it was Parvati's first season. There was a black tribe, a white tribe, an Asian tribe and a Hispanic tribe. It was like the 15th season.

What?

And they divide them all up by race.

Did you catch the whole thing?

I'm about halfway through it. The Asians all hate the Vietnamese guy because Asians don't get along. Yeah. The black people are not, also none of them know before the season starts if this is what's going to be happening. So they get there and they go, all right, you're all over there. And then you see people looking around going, Oh fuck. No.

Hispanics are very happy about it.

I think I remember that season. It's a great, cause there was on the island, there was a white guy, a black guy, an Asian guy at first. And the white guy was like, all right, you go like start hunting, try to gather some food. And he was like, Asian dude, go search for supplies. And after like three hours, they couldn't, they couldn't find the Asian guy and they went out and he jumped out from behind a tree and went, surprise.

I think his name is cowboy.

He was playing tricks.

No, it's just a classic joke.

Asian guy supplies with surprise.

Just an old throwback joke. I was like, wait, what? You said it with such confidence. Yeah, that's, that's part of the joke. I was fully dialed in. I was like, that's a great joke. Hilarious. Where the hell did you hear that from? Probably Phil. I was about to say, it sounds like the Elks Lodge. Yeah, that was an Elks Lodge killer dude. That was 10 minutes of laughing. Order another round. Let's go, boys.

We got a good racist joke out. Yeah, that'll get the Elks going. Well, dude, that was that Vietnam book I was reading. They were saying how much of an effect that just that stuff had on the war itself, where like, because apparently men in Vietnam would hold hands. It was very customary and like very chill for two men to hold hands

in public and walk of your friends. You hold your boy's hand, you walk down the street, but if you held like your wife's hand, it was considered like, crazy. So like they, the American soldiers would just pester those guys all the time. They should call them homos. Like they said in the book, there is a guy

that creative. They said in the book, they were decorative. Well, they had a guy, one of the sergeants was Vietnamese, and his family had been just decimated. And he'd been fighting since he was a 10-year-old boy. So by the time he was 20-something, he was like, dude, I'm done. He just resigned.

He's like, I'm not fighting with you guys. We were in a court martial earlier, and he's like I don't care and he was complaining the guys like you guys all call us fucking homos You know why we hold hands. It's actually really cool And I'm curious now the Vietnamese people still hold hands Can you look up a Vietnamese men still hold hands cuz that'd be a devastating effect of the war if Vietnamese north This is how you know we lost yeah. Yeah, they're still old man's we'd surely lost Yeah, if we I mean if it was kind of the whole point of the fight stop

They still hold hands they they won bro. We did our best we get in there like knock it off Skipping down the streets of Ho Chi Minh City. I didn't know that yeah, it's completely really despise holding hands while walking I don't like it. I just fucking hate it. Oh, I don't know that. Yeah, it's completely... I really despise holding hands while walking. I don't like it either. I fucking hate it.

Oh, I don't like it, man.

You gotta sink your pace up.

I, dude...

Sink your pace up.

You gotta fucking...

I get flack about holding hands all the time. I just... I can't stand it. Especially when like, if you're gonna do it... fish women all fucking dead fish during the hold hands I'm doing all the work here and then somebody else is walking down the sidewalk and we got a yeah

fucking get out of the way in front of me. Yeah get in front of me. Dude you're preaching the choir. I haven't gotten to do it in a long time because I'm always holding a child's hand yeah and now that my daughter is almost seven and she'll do weird walk she'll be like stepping on the cracks while holding the hand we're trying not to step on the cracks, and it feels like my arm is gonna get yanked out of the socket or she wants to be lifted in the air and do a swing with the.

The no warning, like I'm gonna swing from your arm shit

makes me so angry.

It's like walking a dog when they run.

Dude.

Fucking kills. It hurts, it's the exact same thing you just feel a complete dead weight, and then I'm like you can't do that I get so mad and they're like just having fun. I don't know why you're being such a dick about this It's like dude that fuck that sucks when you do that hurt your father's shoulder You feel like a bitch like Vietnamese

What do you VC? I do feel like a bitch cuz she's having a nice time. She's having an expression You know she's expressing love to a man. And I go, just be normal. Walk like a normal person.

Get off me, all right? You're ready for Australia with that fucking do.

True. That crow boy.

The real crow boy.

It'll grow back. It'll grow back. It'll be, I just wanted a normal mullet. I didn't know why froze up because I think there was a very muscular woman cutting the hair could have been a trans person I don't know judgment for sure. I don't know I don't know what I got if you shave that beard

Yeah, better or worse. No. I'm just saying I'm thinking be thrown around that could be trans You think I'll be I look trans if I say you got the fucking Starbucks do right now

Outreach to the progress we've got to expand the audience.

You've got the complete barista.

They gave me a neck massage afterwards, I didn't ask for it.

It's kind of nice though.

They put a warm towel on me and got a machine out and stuff, but it was...

That's nice.

As I felt sad about my hair, and I was appalled, I was very upset, but then I realised my mouth could be seen through the towel she wrapped a towel around my face I thought my expression was hidden then I realized my mouth was twisted into a disgusted

They asked you to go down that far did you go like cuz that's like a two this was the first thing they did

They just want

Damn, there was I couldn't say stop now the resistance brother. Yeah, I like it. I do like it, it looks good.

I am waiting for it to grow.

I think it's sick, I think it's fucking great.

I get the wings at the back. The worst is that they took photos of me. I said, yes, I think I'm on their Instagram page somewhere. She goes, and lovely, lovely lady, lovely lady I don't know I don't want to talk about it but they go I don't know if they posted it but they go do you want a before and after? I couldn't I don't I looked up open now on a Sunday I tried to hide how upset I was it was in this town I tried to get I tried to go and get one when I was in I

don't know Tacoma and then I sat for an hour and I had to go to the airport. I just sat. I listened in Tacoma waiting for a haircut and then I just had to leave because the car was there. But this man was complaining about his girlfriend and how she was recovering from a C-section. Men open up in a barber shop and they tell you how they really feel.

It was the least sympathetic man I've ever overheard. He was literally complaining, I can't complain my wife's recovering from a C-section, she can't walk and she's getting angry at me for going skiing too much. I need to go skiing so I can be there for our family.

Was he getting his haircut? Yeah, he was having a very vulnerable moment. Yeah, there's nothing bothers me more because I'm dead silent during a haircut. Which I guess is psychotic. I look at myself in the eyes the entire time.

It's kind of fucking crazy. It was a bodybuilding, but then there's somebody else. There's always a loud fucking do a very loud man.

And the barber can't go shut up. Yeah. The barber has to go. Oh, it's hard about not being able to ski while your wife recovers from. Yeah.

I don't tell them shit, man. I'm a vault. I'll tell you, I had a bit of a bad haircut myself. I shaved my mustache. I forgot how small my mouth was. I don't have an upper lip. You know they can fix that. Yeah I should get lip injections. It's almost time. Shaved my mouth and I was like oh fuck. Fuck I forgot I looked like this. I just wanted my face to look, you know, I wanted less features.

Why?

Because I have a completely featureless face.

I feel this is, I feel, my beard and my glasses are doing a lot to hold me in That's nice, but as yeah, you've got the Irish Small nose big head small features. Yeah, it's tough. It's all face

It's just I need my goat now. Fuck you laughing at Nate ugly fuck

I've never seen that skin

Yeah, I don't even know what it looks like any

do we have pics with you with a butt face with me and my butt face no I'm saying like when you shave it's called a butt no he was he was skinny before the

beard oh yeah yeah yeah no I didn't I didn't grow this out I'd love to see

I'd like to see that chin on it's definitely what's going on clean clean shave by the way not ugly by the way, you're a handsome fella. Clean shaven is called a butt face, that's a universal. I wasn't calling your face a butt face.

I thought you thought I was.

Clean shaven, no, no, clean shaven face is called a butt face.

Okay, okay.

I think I would look good.

That's universal. You just got hit it for one second. Oh, it's too powerful.

It was actually an accident. I was yeah, you just I just accidentally did it and I was like, oh shit every time

Yeah, I've given it to myself many. You do have you you're

Mullet with a Hitler stash would be fucking crazy combo be nice to you like

Yeah, I'm an ally

Yeah, true. That's a wife wouldn't allow it. I don't think but I do like to come in and show her

Yes, yeah always I've been cursed man. I have a scar right here. So I my mustache doesn't connect so I can never

Can't get it never feel the true power never felt the power well you start doing the speeches in the pair no no no it was quick it was very quick I looked at it went whoa cuz it was accidental I got the accidental stash you started on the end started shaving down the ends yeah wait a second whoopsie wait a goddamn second here oh. I can't believe you negged my dream the other day. I mean, Shane told him I had a nice dream, dude. I had a dream. It was usually my dreams are all like, you know, I'm in like a scary house.

It's all fucked up. This was me just chilling in a nice shop eating an ice cream cone. I had a dream. I wonder what that means. The scary house. I don a dream. I wonder what that means. The scary house. I don't know dude. I'm in the same house It's a worn down fucked up house in a bad neighborhood. You've never been in this house before. I mean

I mean, it's not reminds me of Mellon Street what I used to live in his house in West Philly It reminds me of it, but it's not that you know, it's like a slight like, you know, whatever But it's that's my recurring dream But then I finally got a break and I was just eating an ice cream cone. And there's the lady who made me the ice cream cone was like describing when I was about to find it was a chocolate ice cream cone. She goes, Ooh, there's peanut butter in there. And I bite and go, Ooh, there is peanut butter.

And I just ate the ice cream cone. It was a pleasant dream. Shane's like, dude, you're a fucking pervert. It's a sexual dream. I've ever had it wasn't all butter wait in the dream to say this or no. He called me to let me know about it Ice cream dream I was like down about men holding hands, but you're calling people with the ice cream drink I could never we were talking about other stuff. We were talking for a while. He called me during my constitutional

He was taking a constitutional. I just got done mine and Yeah, I was just like I was like dude. You'll never believe it I had like an actual plane like dog dream of just eating a co-op Pause, but it was just eating an ice cream cone, and it was just so enjoyable. It's like that's sexual It was not sexual sexual. It was purely what a woman look like I don't remember. It was like a shadow I swear to God it was a shadowy figure Shadowy figure just being like there, you know, there's peanut butter in there as soon as you say it I'd bite going Oh, there is peanut butter. She kept just giving me anything. She would any treat you imagine or just pop up. She's completely not satiating

Yeah Clearly I was focused on the ice cream cone more than anything So it was nice. I uh, I had a good one for you. This was making me laugh. And I don't think it's going to be that funny. I just wrote it down in my notes, uh, pretty late one night this week. Uh, I thought it was very funny, but I don't think it'll translate to sobriety, but I was, I was laughing at, uh,

me going to a Halloween party in a Braveheart outfit and paparazzi getting a upskirt from the kilt getting stepping out and just having the sitting upright penis in a kilt the sitting upright penis. Getting the Lindsay Lohan face paint. And then try to defend myself. Skirt keeps blowing up.

So there's just pictures. The skirt up with the Braveheart face paint. The classic Marilyn Monroe would be so nice. If you're over the grate, just start a page. Marilyn Monroe, penis. Like it would be the most devastating.

Us getting out of a car, sitting upright, picture of my penis would be. It's also so funny just to free ball into the kilt

for no reason.

You gotta free ball into the kilt free ball there's a musician in Australia called Karen J Callan who went to an award show and wore a kilt and you know you go press the press photography and they're all taking pictures and then someone goes lift the kilt and he does it he showed his penis beautiful penis but but the fury on the left was huge what the left was met the left was really mad that he flashed his penis was

a left who asked him to flash it obviously was the photographer's but

people started lying people started saying kids were there kids could have seen that penis it was the first time I realized that many progressives are afraid of the penis there is a fear you know it's always get the nipples out yeah show the woman body but a penis is somehow threatening people are afraid

of their bodies also why would there be kids no they would definitely weren't show us your dick I'll see your dick take your dick out it's all the person who asked somebody asked to see it and he showed photos came Yeah, it's all the person who asked. Somebody asked to see it and he showed him.

Photos came out and all of them were censored. No one other than that saw the real penis. Yeah. But I remember he had to apologize for having his penis out at an award show. There should be more penises at award shows, I think.

That seems like a decent apology, though.

To say sorry for sorry my dick was out any time it's out. We had a long history of people getting their dicks out at that award show. I'm really sorry my penis is out. I think we should normalize. That's gay too. Full frontal malnuity. I did a lot of comedy festivals, fringe festivals. It was a very important part of the show to get the penis out at some point in the show. That's how people knew that you were taking risks and doing exciting things. Really Dan Rathbone would get his penis out. Dr

Brown Goliath trained clown he would get his penis out a lot. It's huge and I in America. No one ever gets there

No, I mean Bobby Lee's still holding it down. Sometimes he gets a dick out on stage. Yeah, it's a less threatening

No, yeah.

It's not very threatening, but he's taking chances.

I hope we'll get Doug. That's a good move. Materials not working, you go, I got this old ace up my sleeve. I was ready to see a wild looking dick.

I thought it would be funny to record a comedy special shot from the waist, that you come out, you do the whole hour, and it's all shot from the waist up. And the dick is out the whole show. And then in the final shot, the goodnight everybody, you reveal, you pull back, and you reveal the penis has been out the whole time. And that maybe explains how the audience is reacting for the rest of the, wouldn't that be fun?

I'll never do it. I'll never have the courage to do it.

That is funny, yeah. But you never address it. You just keep doing the act. Yeah. The cuts to the audience would be hilarious if the audience was going.

I did.

I started I've never had an erection on stage before.

I don't I don't think nobody has.

No, but I did a gig in Omaha. And a woman stood up a very drunk woman. And she she got her boobs out for no real reason. And then later she did it again. I was questioning why she wasn't removed after the first time but people left her there and there was a slight...

You must have been killing it.

Slight spurn.

People were taking their tits out.

It's the sort of thing you always hope is gonna happen and then it does and you go now it's not the time.

Yeah.

I'm trying to... you've actually ruined the anecdote.

Who was she with?

A very embarrassed man.

Oh no. I had to kick a lady out this weekend. I had to kick an elderly lady out.

What was she doing?

Well, hold on, did you get hard?

Yeah, true.

It was a very faintest. You pulsed. You post I had it there was it moved. There's a pulse though Of course the body cannot help but a woman is standing and doing and showing she attracted She's a long way away. I would imagine no. Yeah, I feel you

Stand up. I just saw tits while I did that. I tried not to I said madam put your tits away, but it was a There the gentleman should have jumped in front of her tits. Yeah.

Should have blocked and said, come on.

Should have bodyguarded.

Excuse me.

Taking the bullet for the president. You, yeah, usually a lady flashing her tits in public is not great.

Yes.

Yeah.

But I think if it had only happened one time I would have been fine I could have moved on but then when it repeated she just kept

Having me in Westchester, it's a walking past the bar And I was with O'Connor and we were walking by and I guess people in there saw me and they're like come here come in So we were like, all right, we'll come in for one and a lady just ran outside and showed her tits. And she wasn't, it wasn't great. Yeah. It was terrible.

That stinks.

It was actually like scary.

Yes.

Yeah.

But if you think it, that would be very nice. You know?

I mean, how are you supposed to even respond? Like somebody on the street showing you their tits,

you go, all right.

Yeah.

Nice.

Good job.

Thank you.

Appreciate that yeah, really. Oh cool great tits. Yeah, nice job you You gotta like it then like you get what you supposed to chat that person up or just be like yeah I just literally just walked as fast as I could pastor. Yeah Yeah, damn that's devastating if you showed your tits and the person was like

Anyway, I wish I had another set of hands Pull the thumbs down the milk's gone bad

Yeah, it's like I'm sorry ma'am. What do you want me to do with that? Oh? Titty fuck you right here. Thank you on the street Should have real called the cops like sir. I've just been flashed It's against the law. Yeah, sir, I'd like to report a sexual crime. My girlfriend was with me and she was mad. Really?

I was like, there's nothing to be mad at. She was a, yeah, she was nasty.

Yeah.

Well, although I'd be furious. Dude showed his dick to my girlfriend. I guess the equivalent for a dude would just be butt cheeks. Yeah. Guess the equivalent for a dude would just be watching so much. Yeah, if you just showed his butt cheeks I'd be fucking pretty peeved yeah, but if it was a hideous, but you go Kick him on the ass

If someone presented their hideous ass to my wife Yeah, that'd be really mixed feelings about that. You'd laugh. That'd be a good time No, I might be upset if I was walking and there's a big hairy butt presented to my wife. I'd be a good time. I might be upset if I was walking and there was just a big hairy butt presented to my wife. I'd be like, sir, I might get a little resentful and like, sir, we're talking on an Arab, but the Arab, but yeah, full beer,

scare beetle, a scuttlebutt. I'm talking about a guard dog, but talk about red, long hair. It's nothing wrong with having a big red hairy butt nothing wrong with having it but if I just got pretty sure it did

no I keep it discreet yeah you know you've been tough. You got a hairy butt You know, I suppose not globally, but I it more hairy than it used to be. Yeah, it gets a hair

We've talked about that you don't touch those hairs No, I'm not having any man, so what was it at first just like ball hair that moved up and now you're gonna ask you

Yeah, yeah So what was it at first, just like ball hair that moved up and now you're getting ass cheek hair? I got a ball hair.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You get the ball hair, you get the tuft. I get the tuft up here.

It's the shaft hair that I want to know what to do with.

The tuft is nice.

The top of the crack? Yeah, like a rabbit tail. It's a good. A little tuft, yeah. I have a pretty hairless butt though. My like- Yeah, we've been blessed with Irish DNA. True, we do have a hairless Irish butt. We're like those cats with no hair.

Hairless butts. We're like those cats with no hair.

Yeah.

But yeah, no, I had a lady, I didn't kick a lady out, I felt terrible. It was like do your pissing everyone off you got to go and she was like Acting like I don't give a fuck. I'm like alright. We'll just beat it then she was like. I'm a pillar in my community Started tearing up, and I was like instantly I fold I go oh never mind ma'am You can stay and then they're like the bouncers like now fuck it. We're getting her out of here and her husband tried to say I kicked it out I said get out of here you fucking piece of shit. Get out of here. No way I always encourage the mail the mail to stay give it that lady couldn't be out there by herself

She's gonna cause problems. I'm like get out there bro. That's your problem. Good deal with it

You know, there are cause problems Sean was on stage this week and I removed the man from the room Did you it was a very drunk child, he seemed very young, he might have been of age, but he was drunk before he got there, but it was at the Velveeta room and Sean, he had been very chatty during my set and then he was saying bizarre things to you. He didned his butt hairs at you. Oh yeah, he gave me a little, he didn't do like a fake, I'm gonna hit you, but he did, he made himself large. He was, is it squabbling up?

Yeah, he bristled.

He started to bristle. So what did you do? How did you get him out?

I said, I asked the audience kicked him out. Yeah, no one else was someone else was running the bar

And then it was me I had to and he left what was he saying to you he kept calling me a bitch Yeah, he kept calling me a bitch, and he was just mad I don't I couldn't even guess why he the woman he was with was very upset. Oh, yeah I think that's I think I kind of went too hard at that.

Well dude there's a lot of young guys, a lot of guys on coke at the shows I've noticed. I was saying hi to people after the show. Oh yeah, you want to do some blow? Yeah I don't even get asked but you look at these dudes you're like damn bro you're gacked out you catch the fucking like the white ring around the nostrils

It's like no I was with you in Pittsburgh where a guy wanted to do. Yeah Blah, he was very upfront about it. Yeah. Yeah, you get that. We were very discreet. You said thank you so much

Right now. I'm not joking. I get offered coke at 90% of the bars I go to Every time. Every time someone goes, yo.

Yo.

Come on, man. That's a blow.

Come on, man.

Such a funny way of doing it. I'm not even doing shots.

Yeah.

I'm enjoying a couple brewskis.

Come on, man.

No cocaine. Take it easy, boys. Yeah, yeah Yeah, let's see what happens and then a severe depression kicks in yeah, it's good stuff Yeah, that's that's the truly all it does Yeah, just gets makes you pretty say you're fun. You're having a good time for a minute, and then just sad yeah

Sounds on that sounds not fun. It's not John's got off of it

He had a bad problem with this Sean had a real issue with it it. Every fucking other week he was like, I did some coke. Glad he's cleaned up his act. I was really worried about it. It's time to clean it up. What would your mommy and daddy say? They'd be devastated to know their little Sean

was down here snorting up lines like he's Scarface. Thinking he's a tough guy around town. Someone's gonna show them this? No one's gonna show them this. Someone, someone. Well you beat the habit, they're gonna be proud of you. They're gonna say,

I beat the habit.

They're gonna say our sons are recovering cocaine.

They're gonna believe you. There's moles out there in my family, friends, and just circles that tell my parents everything that's said about them.

That stinks. My dad gets reports whenever I say anything gay about my daddy. I love it. Whenever I say anything gay involving my dad, it'll eventually like two months later, he'll be like, heard you're a saying a bunch of weird stuff. Yeah. You're talking about some weird shit. You're saying, I'm like, I don't, what are you they all listen and then you go, please stop listening. It's like I miss you It's the only time I get to hear your voice

Dead It's a classic misdirect, it's comedy 101 I saw that I was like grandma That was good stuff right there this episode is brought to you by PrizePix. You and I make decisions every day, Matt, but on PrizePix, being right can get you paid,

baby. Don't forget, PrizePix is also available in 40 plus states, including Texas, California, and Georgia. Make sure to check it out.

Download the app and get your basketball picks in today. With the basketball season starting, some players have been looking real scary on the court. Please riff about any players and picks you might take.

Ooh. Ooh.

I like, VJ Edgecombe's been very fun to watch. Yeah, I can see that. He's a young fellow on the Philadelphia 76ers, and I like watching him. I would like to pick him. Ooh, I'd like to pick Anthony Edwards. That's, I would just go with him, yeah.

I'm feeling spooky today, so I'm gonna mix that basketball pick with a football pick. That's spooky, that makes sense. Let's go with Cam, oh, they wanted me to say Cam Scadaboo. He's been a menace, but he got severely injured this past week, so.

Oh no.

So they were wrong. Oh, yeah, I gotta take that back

Hmm so who would you go with instead of cams? Matt? You've missed your line, dude

Yeah, these pics are spooky as I would say a giant skeleton the 10-foot skeletons

Those pictures scary as 10-foot skeletons. Yeah download the prize picks app today and use code ranch to get $50 in lineups After your first $5 lineup. That's code drench to get $50 in lineups after you play your first $5 lineup. Price picks. It's good to be right.

Take it away, Matt.

Guys, here's where you can see me perform live. I'll be at Off the Hook Comedy Club in Naples, Florida, 11-7, 11-8. That's going to be fun. Comedy on State in Madison, Wisconsin, I believe Friday's sold out, we'll see, but 11-14, 11-15, come to that.

And then the Funny Bone Comedy Club, Syracuse, New York, 12-19, 12-20, guys, please come. And I'm gonna announce a larger tour very soon. Oh, that's exciting. Yeah, stay. November 7th, I'll be in San Francisco. November 8th, I'll be in Sacramento. Come on, y'all, please.

November 1st and 2nd, I'll be in Buffalo. November 5th, Oklahoma City, and then the next night, Tulsa. Then Huntsville, Nashville, and Washington, D.C. And then I sleep.

Please come to Optimum Noctis November 4, please.

Optimum Noctis November 4.

Creek and the Cave, thank you very much.

Thank you.

Happy Halloween.

Oh yeah, Creek and the Cave too.

Happy Halloween.

Tomorrow. Ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha. Very spooky laugh, Sean. Yeah, for a little while.

Alright, can I have a Halloween night?

I just wanna have a little fright. Jines. Jines. I found out this week. Fully activated on Jines. I found out, I was talking to an LSU fan. Is it LSU?

The Louisiana?

LSU just lost, didn't they?

They did lost and they fired their coach and they paid him $54 million.

But I found out about what the music they would play. Suck That Tiger Dick? Suck that, they bring out a tiger and a hundred thousand people scream, suck that tiger dick sucked it. They bring out a tiger. Yeah, and a hundred thousand people scream Suck that tiger dick bitch. Yeah, very catchy. It's a good song fun, but it's I didn't the variance of the I mean It not a damn they lift people up and that they take a little child and they lift it up and down to say well Well, no names, you know good family-friendly school. Yeah but this isn't fucking Louisiana It's very catchy and they banned it and then I found out Lamar what's his name Odell Odell Beckham?

Yeah

There was a he the man who used to play for them He went and conducted the band and paid the fine Because he was so he wanted to hear them scream Mac if he did it a game day I did pretty fun. All he did was sing the opening night. He knew he knew what would happen But no their coach say if I was Brian Kelly, yes, you used to be Notre Dame's corner today, man What and now he has 54 million said I'm gonna go somewhere else where I can compete and to win a national title And I can't do it here at Notre Dame and he went to LSU and he stunk shit the bed

Yeah, didn't they? I just saw them lose terribly. The game was on this weekend. You know what you'd like? They have the governor of Louisiana gave like a press conference about it. I had no idea he sounded the way he does. He's got full Creole. Does he really? Like, what we need to do here, find a new coach now. I called down, we need to,

money's going from the people. It's incredible Landry. Who's a big LSU fan Yeah, and he told me about coach. Oh, actually the governor's name is Landry Well, I'm sure there are he's part of the noble French families of that state, but this coach

Oh wants to come back. I love this real jacked up. Yeah. Yeah, he's got the Creole Far door, go toggle. Total press conference here. They need him. But he was, I think he was laying with women, which was pretty awesome.

Students.

Some students. Turns out a lot of those SEC coaches, I've heard rumblings.

Oh no.

That they're not afraid to kiss some of the students. Really? Some of the Southern Belles.

Stuff.

Allegedly.

Actually. Well it's also also because like there I could see them being like, babe, I'm on the road. It's like we live there. You're kissing the girls where we live. You're like, well, now that you bring that up, I guess you got a point there.

Yeah.

Kiss the coach. I'm not accusing anybody, but Lane Kiffin took a very interesting photo. Interesting photo let me say he took he took some hot yoga on campus I believe Yeah, they got to bring those guys to Guantanamo, but I've look I've done hot yoga before and I've never had good intentions I'll be honest no of course herving the entire time I Need someone to put a sack over my head and rested that on Instagram, but Is a real bad one. Yeah. Yeah, man.

I mean, it's been there. Good Lord. I've been down that horny path before. It's funny in the class, too. They will say, guys, everyone eyes forward and you're just like,

oh, my bad.

They say that in the class?

Yeah.

No accusations to the Kiff. Obviously, obviously not. Honestly, we got our eye on you right now. Posting the yoga pick is that he posted that. Bruh. Thirst. I believe he posted that. Damn. It's got a tight body though. Yeah. He shredded. He shredded. Definitely. What? I guess he'd be a ectomorph I believe. No, perhaps it's probably an ectomorph I had to guess. Or maybe endo I forget a bit of an honor. I'm on I'm on

a I'm on a power lifting journey right now. It's awesome. I haven't beefing with my wife. I really think my T's getting raised from power power lifting. Oh good. She's been like dude, what the fuck been more angry? She's been getting. Yeah, I've been dude, I've been laying down the wall, laying down the wall. She's really she's pissed at me as we speak. She I was I don't even know what's going on.

I was just like I was asking her to order Uber eats for me on the way. We're coming back. And I was like, that I'll just go to Sprouts and grab food She's already ordered it and I looked at her phone She had hit by but you gotta hit like two more things. I was like you're lying. You didn't buy it You can hit back. She was like, why are you saying I'm lying? I was like, I don't know. But yeah, I'm jacked up That's where your dream came from ice cream. Just a yeah a woman just giving you whatever treats you wanted No, you know what it's but now you know you're struggling with girl Bob, you know

Could be although there is a thing called ice cream axing which you eat ice cream to like bowl could be that too I've been doing that's all Yeah, now you mentioned getting down to the ice cream parlor really lovely waffle Constant it's a good walk with the children and then you have a little

Ice cream stuff with kids is you like let's get you guys a treat. We'll get you guys a treat. All right, anytime I'm home, I have nieces and nephews, I'm like, dude, you guys want to go to fucking Dairy Queen? I'm like, let's go.

I've only been to Dairy Queen once, and I didn't realize that they did that for everybody, the milkshake upside down. incredible display of faith in the product but they all do this I can't think of another fast-food place where they give you a little show the blizzard way out the door blizzards are nice too yeah blizzards rule fucker blizzards did you see the man who went to get a McFlurry and they told him

the mixing machine was broken they're always fucking broken but then he sneaks back there and he uses the mixing machine and goes all oh is it broken? No. That's got to be staged. How the fuck do you get back? Actually you probably get past it. Just walk right. Because no one's at the counter anymore because it's all the screens. Yeah. Videos of the people

jumping through the drive-thru window. Yes. Yeah. It's a good trend lately. They jump back there and they play loud music and they just dance with all the fast

food employees. Did you have the trend here where people were buying soft-serve ice creams and then throwing them through the window in the hole

school do my friends I dissipated in that it's not right it's not right actually I did not participate but they took my mom's car I got in trouble for it did a fire they do have cameras and they go there's the license plate. Send the cops to his house. Mom, it wasn't me, they took my car. So I was like 20. Yeah, that was, I don't think we ever did a fire in the hole. There could have been one, I don't know.

But you get the biggest soda you can get.

Yep.

68 ounce fucking coke. It might after after CKY came out, it must have happened. Yeah, it's really an epidemic for sure So mean CKY hit the fucking throwing a body off a bridge under Carter to cars. Yeah, that's insane. Yeah Yeah, they would just make a dummy throw it over a bridge. So it hit a car when it was coming by And make CKY car when it was coming by and make some hey why Bama JMR Jerry oh yeah it was like their early video of their stunts shopping cart you know shit like like

rolling yeah it was awesome I used to throw golf balls in the highway that's fun that's not a good one that's a bad one that's a real bad it's fun when you're a kid it's fun snowballs was the best no I covered it I think a million times but unbelievable hitting cars with snowballs Yeah, fucking rules so fun to get out and chase you you gotta run away It is funny as I know a couple people have gotten tackled and got I witnessed a guy getting his ass kicked

But I was I was in the car as the adult and this guy got out was like fuck that and we just chased his kid Down just push his face in the snow made him cry nice. Yeah, it's pretty fucked

How much are you allowed to retaliate against a child because you got to be able to do something you guys

watch the guy kick their ass I think I think you kick it kid's ass

wash them you know you know when there's like a gang of children and you think the risk if I get into a fight with this gang of children I think some of them are 14 yeah if I win the fight I look very bad or if I even do any damage in the fight

They beat me up. That's much kids body body. You got to just go to the body the whole time Yeah, it was on it was on site when I was like growing up We were like walk down the street and like older kids would drive by Call us names if we like threw something at their car. They'd pop the doors and chase you down. They'll beat your ass So I think there's something good about that Yeah, so you have like young punks if they're like young punks doing stuff you can get out of the car I think you just whoop their ass. Yeah, it's good their parents will probably side with you back then for sure yeah now

I don't know now the present charge. Yeah, if you whooped the young punks ass now. I think you'd yeah Their mom would be all up in your face I I was I was looking into Curtis Lee. Wha who did the guy running for mayor in New York? Yes. Yeah He might be one of the funniest people Yeah alive. I didn't I didn't realize breakfast Club interview yesterday What he fucking rules I know you the breakfast club. Yeah, he's awesome on it He also he kind of makes you want to vote for him. Really? Yeah, he's pretty, he's hilarious. He got shot by, he was talking shit on the Gottis.

He had like an AM radio show where he would just be like, he would talk about the mob in New York, like it was sports. He would like cover it. He would just name everybody. He'd be like, this is the guy,

this is the restaurant that blew up. Yeah. Like he just he knew everything and so one day Gotti Sent a bunch of guys with baseball bats to his house, and they beat him with bats Then he kept doing it so they had a guy pretend to be a cab driver wait outside his house Pick him up and turn around and fucking shoot him He got shot five times and jumped out of the cab she went to him out of the window of the cab This guy rules.

Yeah, he's a fucking man.

And, here's the thing that tops it off. He was a night manager at a McDonald's in the Bronx. Unbelievable. You wanna talk about fire in the hole?

Yeah.

That's fucking, that might be the worst job I've ever heard. That's unbelievable. And so that's where, so he founded the Guardian Angels because they had

So there was no cops on the subways at night

So everyone in the Bronx was just getting really fucked. Yeah, so his night shift crew and him

Mickey D's workers what after they clocked out would ride the subway trains and fuck people up They were out of line, dude They rule he rules. What's the? Fucking rule. Yeah, I mean, that's I mean dude the bat attack is hilarious. He loves animals. He hates kill shelters He's like that's one of my platforms. We're shutting that down. Oh, that's awesome. He's adopted 17 cats I think it's it's a lot of cats a lot of cats, dude

Yeah, he's the man. He doesn't deserve him. They won't get behind. They won't rally around this great man

Yeah, that's kind of bullshit, but he's gonna it's gonna cost Cuomo the election Yeah, he won't drop out. What was no way Cuomo win Anyway, if he dropped out there'd be a chance. You think? Yeah, because I think most of the people that would vote, Slea was running as a Republican.

Yeah, I got you.

Most of them would side with Cuomo over- Mamdani. Mamdani. Mamdani. Oh, Mamdani. Yeah, I think Mamdani probably will win. Yeah, definitely. I don't-

He's got all the celebs back in him, dude. I know I Didn't like man. I I think it's cool when comedians support politicians publicly. Yeah, I just think he's a fucking Cry baby, dude. It's a crybaby. I saw him cry, baby, and I was like was he cry, baby Just like do we have problems I get it that must have sucked at the time, but also like, bro, way to make 9-11 all about you, man. Like, I just don't like that shit. It's 20 years ago, man.

You got stuffed in a locker because, you know, people didn't understand the difference in the Middle East. I don't know. I mean, that'd be, yeah. I get it. It wasn't my dad. My dad had the terrorist hunting permit on his bumper sticker for a while. But I didn't bully any Indian kids after 9-11. A lot of Indian guys love to fucking cry about post 9-11. It's like, dude, we were all hurting, all right?

We were all, we were all.

I had one difficult post 9-11 moment at school. What happened to you? I mean, we're all finding out about what Islam was at the same time. There hadn't been a real cause to know about it. And I think my mom said, you know, she was trying to do a nice thing, but she didn't really, she said something like, you know, it's not all Muslims, but she didn't know the word for it. The Muslims who were, so she said, you know, there's the good Muslims

and there's the Allah Muslims. She was just associating, she was going, the Allah Muslims. And there was a Muslim girl at our school, and I said to her, you're a Muslim, or one of these Allah Muslims? She goes, no, we love Allah. And at that point I was like, I can't believe this girl is allowed to be here with us.

She's an Allah Muslim, everybody.

It's not my brightest moment.

I just, I was shocked, and I let her know I don't think that's good. I would have been in this, you know, you're seven You six I was 12 11

Before that's so fun to think

This is a more relaxed version

You one of those Allah Muslims? Yes, I love Allah.

Get out of here.

You seem like a safety problem.

Yeah, that was the one thing that when I saw him hitting that, it was like, bro, come on, man, hit me with some city plans. Don't hit me with 20 years ago.

Fucking I look forward to seeing his grocery store

Actually the thing that got me furious I didn't realize they wanted shut down gifted and talented programs at public schools That's correct. That's one of his policies. You have a school. You have a poor school for poor kids You get one kid who's like I like reading and I'm good at maths And so you just you have one teacher at these schools usually who can go all right We're gonna you're the only one who wants a future. We're gonna try and give it to you Yeah, I'm gonna shut it down. That's his plan. I mean this is

Cuz I guess it's not he's probably give it to like free lunch program instead. I mean What Is it excitement part of free lunch? Free lunch. Fart. He farted off the free lunch.

What the hell was that?

That was nothing.

Well, Mary, you definitely love Mom Dommy.

I don't know. I just, I don't like him.

You don't like him?

No.

What the hell?

He's out of nowhere.

He's from Uganda.

He's out of nowhere?

He's just good. No, I don't like him.

He's green.

He's just too new. You know? Yeah, he's green.

Give us a slow mo. He's green. So we will hit him with it on the in the debate. So he was dominating the debate. Yeah, they I only heard like, was like you could write down all of mom Dami's accomplishments on a single napkin You could write you couldn't write down all of Cuomo's failures if you had the entire New York Public Library Cuz everyone hates Cuomo so Slee was kind of like sleep is not gonna win so he's kind of everybody's boy

Yeah, I don't know Everybody's boy. Everyone's like, dude, fuck you.

Yeah, I don't know. I'll be honest.

I don't know anything. No, the anything about it. Public grocery store. I'll be interested to see how that works out because I'm not inherently against it. I just want to see if it works.

I know they've tried this a bunch of times and I feel like it's kind of ended disastrously. to see if you can get the, because I don't know what that would do to a private grocery store if you're just like, yeah, we got apples for fucking 40 seconds.

I mean, do you just have the one affordable butter?

I'm sure there's gonna be a requirement to be able to get access to the free grocery store. True. Which will probably just be Snap, which is, isn't that already?

It's winding up. I don't know anything about government is still shut down Still shut down you talking about the Democrats shut down. Yes

Every day Trump's working so hard during the government's Democrats shut down Japan gave him some golf clubs. He's fired up. I Saw one of the White House things they put out. I think they did like an everyday I'm hustling thing which is Trump walking around the halls. They really need to enjoy the government. They really need to stop making

fucking hype videos. So many really the ice hype videos bother me so much. Yeah. Well, it's just funny, too. Like if say, like, you know,

you're fucked from the shutdown to just like all of a sudden get like a cool song with Trump walking through the hallway like never mind We got this is sick. Yeah, never mind I don't need to eat in November But yeah public grocery store, I'll be curious one of the one of the elections for And that isn't that wouldn't that be November? Ooh, could be a good move for the Dems to keep the shutdown going.

Yeah, I mean, whatever it takes.

I can't go to our sweet national parks.

Yeah. Yeah.

That's my only serious complaint.

The snap benefits will run out. I think you can definitely go. During the election. Yeah, I think they run out in November. It's a good move to keep those staffed, keep those clothes and get people out of the move. Starve the poor, starve the poor, get them out, get them out the vote.

They need to stop the violence vote. Yeah, true. Dang, that'd be crazy if it really was like that level of tactics where it's like we're going to start hitting like medieval French. It truly probably is. Just starve to get some people, some people hangering. Yeah, because I was angry. The hangry populace will be.

I think Democrats are honestly voting for the shutdown. That's weird, man. I think a few of them are to make sure it's still going. I could be wrong because I don't think the Republicans have enough votes to keep the shutdown going. I mean it does require a few Democrats to vote Whatever I don't again the Republicans are voting to pass it you need 60% is my understand. Yeah

Yeah, what I've seen is that there I don't know. Well, I think the pubs were like yo, let's there's a bill They're trying to do and the Dems are like no we need you know We need to fire the all that's I think that stuff they took out from Dojo like fire that shit back up, so I don't fucking know either, but if if if that is the case or some classic like Let the people get a little hungry. I don't know that'd be pretty fucked

I think air traffic controllers are gonna have to start working for free Really that was I think that was the next step no

It's not good. She it's a difficult thing. I'm guessing it'd be a big Iowa you I guess they'd get their money

But she'd be glum some

Well good luck to everybody dealing with the government. Is the government shutdown still costing us flyovers? That's the real thing I'm not worried about the hungry the 40 million people They'll figure it out not getting food, but it is flyovers for I need flyovers. Yeah, that's That's bullshit, and I also I need I need war with Venezuela Those are the things I need yeah Everything we're dude. I remember I said we're gonna go to war with the cartels

That's not Venezuela, but we're there talking like cartel wars. They're blown up boats saying those are cartel boats yeah man that's that's coming right yeah I knew that was down the pike man you're saying you called it I called it when dude like a year ago I was like we're gonna go to war with the cartels I think we did that a year ago I think he named them terrorists really like I guess it would have been this administration my my prediction was that that way the United States can control the opioid production and then legalize heroin here and then cure homelessness opioid crisis by handing

out basically government-controlled heroin so it's like they're gonna have they're gonna attack the you know all the people down in Mexico doing the cartels and they're gonna take over the supply and just be like, look, let's just like legalize this and control it. You want to legalize it. They don't legalize.

Legalize.

Legalize the crocodile, man.

You need to Charlie Sheen the homeless. Start fucking slowly, you know, making it less potent. Yeah. They don't respond well to that.

They usually.

Yeah, I mean, it's also there's no way it's getting less potent. They have they have something stronger than fentanyl now.

Yeah.

The new thing that's like 50 times stronger than fentanyl, which was like 50 times stronger than heroin. So, yeah, they're still rocking.

They're rocking in the free world for sure. They really are.

Imagine getting to the point where heroin is not enough. I just, I mean heroin seems, what, heroin is that easy going, relaxed one now?

It's just heroin.

Yeah, I think heroin's like, yeah, I guess it's not enough. I guess it's more of a gentleman's drug now.

Sophisticated.

Well, there is also, people say when you have things illegal and you crank the pressure up in terms of like, you know, you get so much jail time for heroin, so then it incentivizes making things stronger in smaller doses so you can sneak less of it but get more bang for your buck. So I think as long as it's illegal, they're gonna keep ramping that up.

I've been watching Singapore video, Lee Kuan Yew I think was his name, but the Singapore Prime Minister for like, he ran a one party state in Singapore for a long time. People were saying, you got to stop executing people who come to the country with drugs. How many families are lost to these drugs? How many people are killed because we don't kill? He was a hard man.

You love that. Why? I don't approve.

You love a strong man. He loves a strong man.

I do love a strong man. I've been in trouble for this before. I don't know what it is that comes out of me. Every time I see a strong charismatic man, say bold steps have to be taken.

I think I like that.

Trump is getting into that now where he's talking about like killing drug traffickers. He's like, we'll kill him. He'll be dead. And it's just, he's getting into that. He mentioned that a while ago yeah he did that recently to bring it back yeah he brought it back yeah cuz that guy yeah that one guy gets to do it all the time where he's just

like we they just started killing all like the drug traffickers Duarte whatever the fuck his name is Duterte I don't know he's gone now though is yeah but yeah Trump's talking he wants to get in on that action but he wants the bold man like kill him I don't even fucking bombing some boats have you seen that no the cartel Video, it's just fucking yeah, I'm striking any yeah is I didn't know Venezuela was a big cartel hub as well Columbia is yeah I guess yeah, but no it's it's all I think it's an excuse for some reason to go to war with Venezuela

Fucking what's his name? What's the gay guy from South Carolina Lindsey Graham was just calling for it really yeah they really want I think our fleet is going to Venezuela right now oh crap what the hell that would be they better not it's not good you know yeah we're not we don't need to be stoking up would we fight them for yeah especially

with all China and Russia then buddy enough Israel has come down. You've got you know

Another war somewhere you can't just have one war going is Israel done

I thought that was so there's still some stuff going on with that. I think Israel's not afraid to break a ceasefire Yeah, I think they're still fired up yeah, that's a either side. It's really afraid to break a ceasefire down there true Maybe Israel will send us aid if we get if you know all the benefits get taken away

Maybe Israel sends a maid here. It'd be nice. I did just find out they did they didn't get involved in Iraq

Yeah, I thought Israel would have sent troops to Iraq with you Israel does not send troops to any American war.

Well, they're busy.

They're all used up.

They are busy.

They've got a lot on, but yeah.

The one thing I liked that the IDF does is they post or just Israel, they post like hot chicks.

Oh, the fine.

And they're like, I'm Jewish. What do you have to say about me? It was like, what the hell? What the fuck is that all about? You've never seen the hot IDF That I thought it'd be like join the IDF like check out a little bit of that But they're also like I'm Israeli. Do you hate me? It's just the hottest chick you've ever seen. It's like no Yeah, well, no, I love you. Yeah, clearly not

No, they had a come you're not doing Fuckers. Yeah, that's also weird to be on the offensive as a military You know what what I mean? Like our United States military is not like, what are you racist bitch? And just show like a jacked black guy. It's like. I think they did do that for a little while.

Yeah.

I don't know if you've seen the commercials.

Yeah. 2020, they were hitting some wild shit. That's crazy. I would never, just weird as a military to be, it's like, dude, do your job. Honestly, they're posting hot chicks and be like, are you still mad?

And they're like, no, come here.

I forgive you. IDF.

Let's keep posting babes. Did you find some?

No more babes.

Couldn't find many babes. It's more just like other stuff.

Like what?

Tanks.

Those videos of being like, that video you saw of a baby getting his head ripped off is fake.

Yeah, yeah.

I know they'd hit those videos a lot.

It's just like soldiers.

What the hell?

They post like.

Yeah, I'm not a big fan.

Yeah, that's crazy, man What the hell is that all about? You do is Google hot IDF female

Looking on Instagram, but I have seen the base. They were doing tick-tock dances for a while. Yeah in their fatigues

It is funny to be like kind of Coming to some sort of like 90 ofes are, that's a good move. It's a good brainwash. That's good propaganda. Yeah, because I stay out of things

and you're like, you know what,

a lot of people are saying. I don't want to get involved in this politically.

Kash Patel is married to one, isn't he?

An IDF babe?

Pretty sure.

I think.

Yeah.

What? is their babes. Yeah. One of them at least. They do use babes. Sometimes underage and then they film you.

Gotcha.

True. Gotcha. All right, that's good, Ender. On to the Patreon.

Jimes.

Bye.

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