Eric Andre Goes Full Korean | Ep 326 | Bad Friends

Hey everybody.So our friend of ours passed away.We're recording it the day after.It hit us hard and it's for all of our tree.He's a dear friend of ours.And I just don't know really what to say about it.

I'm still processing it.

Yes, we don't know what to say.So we're not going to say much other than we loved him so very much.He was a good friend of ours, a part of our world.He'll be on an episode of the Bad Game Show in a couple of weeks.But he was near and dear to us.We loved him very much.

He was a really good dude, and we're going to miss him a lot.And we love you.We love you.And he'll forever be a bad friend.

Hey everybody, Andrew is the best comic on planet Earth and he's doing shows in San Diego, The Sound, Del Mar.

June 28th, two shows.We're doing an early show and a late show down in Del Mar, Bobby's hometown.Please come out and see me, San Diego.I love you very much.And then I'm playing St. Charles, which is St. Louis, Missouri there, August 7th.Go to andrewsantino .

com for those tickets.

andrewsantino .com.

or something.

We're bad friends.Happy birthday to you.Happy birthday to you.Happy birthday, dear McCollum.

Happy birthday to you.Thanks, guys.It's funny because you're dressed in a suit.wearing a tie because you're going to a big event.You're going to an event where Steven Spielberg is going to talk about Disclosure Day.And I told you, let me finish.

I told you before this podcast, just gonow.Go now because you're not going to be here for the pod.And I realized why you stayed for the happy birthday song.

Because also I wanted to, because you didn't know it was my birthday.

Yeah.Nor did I care.

I know.

That's fair.Yeah, yeah, yeah.Blow out your Ralph's cake.Happy birthday, kiddo.

Thanks, Bob.That was crazy.My wish was I wish Bobby cared about my birthday.And right when I blew it out, you said happy birthday.

Dude, it's so weird that you just said that, because my emotions just changed about it.And I'm going to give you a hug.

It was like obsession.

Wow.Wow.The wishbone.Yeah, yeah, yeah.Come here, wishbone.

The wishbone.You saw it?I saw it.

No.It's so good.

And I'll say this.Are you drinking?You're not drinking this.No.So you got this just for me to drink alone?

Well, I wanted McCone to have some, too.

Okay, I'll cheers you.And you know what pisses me off about this kid?I sent him a text this morning, and in the text, it said, happy birthday.You continue to let me down.Here, cheers.Cheers.

All right.Cheers.Okay.What kind of operation are we running here?I sent him a text.Glasses at least?

I sent him a text.Like real glasses.

They're from Rouse.

Okay.Happy birthday.You continue to let me down year after year.And I know this following year will be just the same.Love you.

I didn't text you, but I'd like to do a live text.Yeah, live text him.Yeah, you've grown enormously over the years.I've realized you do have talent.You really do.

Thank you.

Yeah.You're a creative kid.You have talent.And I, you know, being a Hollywood piece of shit is going to I'm going to treat you nicer because I believe I believe one day you will get that opportunity.So I'm going to change.Right.

and go, kid, kiddo, dude, you got it, kid.And you're talented, and I embrace you, and I want you to have a good time tonight, and whatever you need, I gotcha.If he gives you money, I'll give you double, okay?I gave him five grand.

I'm gonna give you 10 grand.No, but I'm giving him five grand today and five grand on his birthday.For what?Birthday party, huh?Why'd you give him five grand today?Because I well he needed the money.

He said he can't pay rent.So I gave him five grand and then I said on Friday at your birthday party I'll give you another five.So ten.Okay, so 20.Yeah.

Yeah, but then I have to see the receipts first to know that you got the money and then I will do it was cash.I gave him cash.I'd like to see the cash.Yeah.Do you have the cash on you?It's in my car.

It's in your car.Go grab it.It's it's it's redheaded trickery.He's not a redhead.I know you.

I'm not a trick.You're a deceiver.You're a treat.Yeah.Yeah.Well, what annoys me about the kid is he saw me get out of my car and he stared at my hand like an autistic little, an autistic little spy.

And he was like, Oh, what is that?Is that a gift for me?And it's annoying because it is, but it's so annoying that you stared.You didn't even say hi.You just stared at my hands to see when I walked out of my car.Like he's just like such a little autistic weirdo.

He didn't say hi.He just looked down at my arms to see what I'm carrying and then looked up at me. I pushed him as hard as I could.What did he give you?

He hasn't given it to me yet, but I believe it's a record.Oh, it's a record.Based on the shape of the package.Two records now.

Oh, two records now.Okay.

Well, three, including the two that Bobby will give me.

No, I'm not going to give you a record.I'm going to do something better.Yeah, I'm going to double down on it.All right, get the record.Okay.Happy birthday, bud.

This is a very special, and so let me warn you something.Before you do this, know that this is Graded and rated twice.Okay.Mm -hmm if you know anything about collections

This guy.

Okay?

You're so annoying.

Okay?You are so fucking annoying.I learned it this morning.

You learned a lot.

I don't know anything about it.

It's like the cards he gave me from Arsenal.You know what I mean?Those were super valuable.I understand that.That's why it's in a safe.I didn't know anything about cards.

I understand.So tell me how much this is.

So all I know is, this woman told me, These are graded, the cover is mint, it's M, it got a mint cover, and it got two pluses, plus, plus, on the physical...

It's like Erwan water.It's very special.

On the physical album itself is graded...

This is sick.

That is so sick, dude.It's a Japanese press.Now, check this out.Be very careful.Open it up and show the record.This is the sickest part.

Look at that.People can see it's red vinyl.That's amazing.Don't take it out.How much is if you take it out?She said, make sure you play it.

If you're going to take it out, play it.Yeah.But don't like take it out and pull it out of the.

I take my records.

Can I be honest with you?What?This is a copy.It's 96 cents.

I bought it.

I got it on Amazon.

Thank you.That's very nice.

Very rad, right?

Well, I'm just going to let you know that I know how much it is.You do.I know that I Googled it.Right.And so I'm going to Venmo you later.And I want that receipt.

That's a receipt we need.Okay.It's not a competition, but...It is.You made it for life.I don't make it?

Yes, you did!It's your energy!Even when I came in here, your energy was like fucking angry and like...

I had a tough day.That's why...Tell me about your day.No, I had an ocular today.I had an ocular migraine today.But what happened?

I haven't had one in months and months, but there were you go blind I go blind in my eye my left eye.

Oh, no.

I know it was really it sucks.It sucks shit Did you have a dizzy spell in the bathroom again?I can't wait till you have a stroke.And when you do, I'm going to walk into the hospital.You'll relearn how to speak again.

Okay, well, that's Fuck you.Fuck you.What are you doing today?

You started it.No, you were angry before.And then I came in.Yeah.And then I'm just trying to have a talk with the guys.And here's you.

Yeah.Can I say something?Can I say something?You're Trump.Can I say something?Can I say something?

And I couldn't let, I couldn't get anything out.Yeah.

We're living in a simulation.I believe we're living in a simulation.I'll tell you what's happened.Okay, what happened?I was in Toronto I was in an elevator with this tall man white hair glasses, and he was particularly hip but old and you know when old people get They they stop turning sexy.They start dressing weirder.

Mm -hmm You know what I mean?Like loud sweatpants.You know what I mean?So you now?

Yes.It's you now.Yeah, that's me now.

I don't care how my hair goes.Right.

Yesterday I did all green with socks.You've never cared how you dress.

I know.

You always dress funky.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.I've always been like that.You've always been a funky guy.Right.So this guy had a specific look, right?And he had this smaller wife, very pretty, right?

And I just go, dude, I like your style.He's like, thanks, dude.You're a comedian, right?I go, yeah.And that was pretty much the conversation, right?I'm in Chicago at the hotel, and they just walk by me.

The same couple.The same couple.And he goes, hey!I go, what the fuck?And he goes, what do you mean?I go, didn't we?

He goes, yeah.And I went, simulation?

He goes, maybe.Dude.you're telling me he didn't go to Chicago to see you?I assumed he saw you.No, no, he was just randomly there.No fucking way.

Yes way.Here's what happened in my mind.This guy's trying to play it cool.No, no, that's not what.Can I play it out?No.

Gets back to the room with his wife.And she's like, I love Bobby Lee.And he's like, you should have said something.She goes, oh, I don't know.He's playing a show.It's all sold out, as it always is.

And then the guy goes, oh, there's tickets available in Chicago, Chicago, Toronto, very short flight.And he goes, you know what?Let's go to Chicago and see him.And it just so happens that the kind of people that can pull the trigger last minute would stay at a hotel that you'd be staying at because it's five star.I know that.

Okay.

And that's what happened.

All right.

And I believe that's exactly what happened.

That's not what happened.What happened?It's a simulation.

Okay.

Here's another thing that I experienced that my girlfriend could even tell you.She can attest.We're walking down the street.This is a couple of weeks ago, right?There's a car, a Lincoln.Continental?

Yes, an old school car, right?Black.Yeah, love them.Lincoln.So, we're walking down the street, on the left side, there's a Lincoln Continental parked, right?There's four black guys, right?

The windows rolled down.There's a woman in the driver's seat, but she's parked.Okay.Right?And they're dancing.They're always dancing.

They're always dancing.And I love the freedom of dance.I mean, I don't care what color you are.We're pro dance.Yeah.Riverdance.

You know what I mean?Breakdancing.Breakdancing.I love it, right?They're fucking dancing.We're walking by, right?

Boombox?Yeah.Boombox.Guess what?Yep.No music.

They were in sync.They were in complete there was literally no music and they were dancing and she's dancing in the car like bobbing her head And there was no music and as we turned the corner I looked at my girlfriend.I go.Are you real?Did she hear music?No.

And I don't even think you're real.Did they have headphones?What?Did they have?

No, they had no headphones.Silent disco?Yeah, yeah, yeah.It was so surreal.You know what it is?What?

They were shooting like a Target ad, and you can't play the music while you're filming, and he just saw a scene from a Target ad.Or can you imagine if we are in a simulation, and there's a crack, and they're letting you see it?I know, I think they're letting me see it.They're letting you see it because they go, no one will believe Bobby.He says crazy shit for years.Yeah.

20 years he's been saying nonsense on podcasts.No one's going to believe him.

Yeah.

And so they will tease you.That's what the aliens would do.

Yeah.

They go, fuck them.They'll never believe him.He's crazy.

Okay.Last simulation.I'm at a restaurant.Okay.Yeah.But I don't get a menu.

Okay.No menu.Right.So I just walk up to the host and I go, can I get a menu?And you go, what are you doing here?What?

What did he say?

You're in Truman's show?

Yeah, like I'm in Truman's show.What?What?Like, it was almost as if, right, I wasn't supposed to approach this person.

You weren't supposed to be there today.Right.Another day you could have...

I could have been there.Like, he was rehearsing.

Right.

Right?Okay, the cooks were like, oh, oh shit, right and I looked in the kitchen no vegetables and you mean nothing's going on Right, there's a cast chair Someone gets up Yeah, and he was almost as if like, um, I wasn't supposed to be there and he didn't even know what I was talking about Well, he wasn't and he was kind of looking around from it.It was really fucking weird.

Let's play the logic card They're probably switching from lunch to dinner, and he's like what do you we don't we're unprepared, okay?

If I'm just if I'm gonna play that very I want you to because I don't want to lose my mind.Well you should I mean Yeah, so what you're saying to me is this thenokay that the two people I ran into from Toronto and Chicago Secretly fans.All right our fans not secretly their fans.

You have millions of yes I had to tell him what I did.You said he said you're a comedian, right?Right and I go.Yeah, he's like, oh just him playing coy.Okay.Okay.

He's a rich guy playing cool That doesn't make any sense.It does.People do that all the time.People try to act cool all the time.You're a stand -up, right?

And then they know everything you've done.Let's just say, okay, so Lou Reed, for instance, when he was alive, right?He did a poetry reading.I went to it, right?And if I ran into Lou Reed on the street, it wouldn't be like I would pretend that it wasn't fucking Lou Reed.

But you're in entertainment.You're talking about a guy who's probably in finance.He doesn't do this for a living.

He's all right.Let's go.So and you're a guy what you're telling me is the black people dancing is a target commercial.I mean, they are.

I just happened to walk in.

Yeah, shoot.

Could be Walmart.Could be.It could be Walmart.Oh, interesting.

Costco.Let's go Costco.

Okay.Yeah.Kmart.

Is Kmart still around?Yeah.And I came in the wrong time at that restaurant.Yep.Okay, these three things those all three things can be true a hundred percent.

It's not a simulation I mean, I'll give you that.I had one.I'm not gonna okay Give me a simulation something fucked me up in a the wet the garbage the garbage can the garbage truck came I sat at the front window.Yeah, I was looking out having coffee in the morning.I watched the guard cuz my house was asleep No one's awake with me. I'm up early.Yeah, I watched the garbage truck grab my bin my black bin It's so like it's almost time It was about 7 in the morning.

Okay.

It was an Italian garbage truck.Yes.

Okay.

And I see it happen.

Yeah.I go back.I sit down.I'm on the computer.I'm doing some stuff.She wakes up.

Dogs up.Dogs need to be taken out to poop and pee.

You have one dog.

Huh?I said she wakes up.Dog wakes up.

You said dogs.You said plural.

Oh, so we're correcting each other's English.

When you say dogs, you imply there's more than one dog.Maybe.And you have one fucking dog.Maybe there is.No, there isn't.Maybe.

Oh, so you got a new dog.Maybe.

It's so funny because it would be something that you would tell me.Maybe.Okay.But the simulation hasn't communicated whether or not I should tell you.Continue the story.I go outside to take dog for poop.

Your pack of wolves.Might as well just embellish.Okay.The herd.and my garbage can is closed.So I grab it to wheel it up to the house and it's full of trash.

Dude, I was like - That's so annoying.No, but I was like, somebody switched trash.Somebody didn't take out the trash or some shit and they just moved theirs where mine was.But wait a minute, my fucking address is on it.So it was mine.

But what you have to do then is open up the trash can to see if those are your items.Because if you look at my trash can, you know, it's my trash can.There's banana peels.Wait, what else?What?Banana peels.

I have banana peels.Yeah.Right.I'll probably empty bottle of cans of red.Red sugar -free Red Bull.I'm sorry.

Kimchi.

Yeah.Old bottles of kimchi.Bob.

You know, fuck you.Some flower seeds.

Yes.I think your bin, that was.No, it wasn't.There's no.Your bin was.Yeah, yeah.

I also have empty cans.of Instant coffee I buy 15 empty bottles of instant coffee.

Why are you buying instant coffee?

You have no idea.I have a factory at home You're making instant coffee.No, I have I have 15 balls my Okay, so my pool my pool ass, honey today.They said um your swimming pool is black And I go yeah, it's pure black I go, yeah, it's fine.But how is it black?Instant coffee.

Why are you putting that in your pool?It's none of your business.Trying to crack the simulation.I get what you're up to.It's a simulation cracker, dude.

You're trying to crack it.You add weird.You buy olive oil, which I have.Not olive oil, white vinegar.I bought 15 boxes of white vinegar.Yeah.

The simulation doesn't know what to do with it.Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Why are you?

Why is a human being?You know, I mean, what your pool?What?Why are you putting coffee in your pool?

It's for my T -shirts.

What?It's for my T -shirts.You're dying your shirts with coffee and chlorine.The fonts, the font.Yeah.Although today, have you lost your fucking mind?

What is going on?I'm trying to recreate Maid Warren.Google.Oh, you want to do what Maid Warren did?Yeah.So Google instant coffee.

But why is it in your swimming pool?

It's not.It's not literally that.So this is what this is what happened.

Just put in your tub.

I know.I know this is what happened.OK.

Who told you how to do this?

I'm making it up.I'm experimenting with different things.OK.So this is what I did.Dude, you're bored.I'm so no, I have hobbies.

So busy.

Yeah, this is what you get to fill up your coffee.All right.So check it out.This shirt I got yesterday.Uh -huh.Brand new.

It was white.Yeah, it's right.So it's like you put, right?You put like little paint, right?Got it.Right?

See all the - That's what my daughter does.

See the scrubbing?Yeah.Yeah, yeah.I do with sandpaper.

You sandpapered it.

Yeah, I sandpapered the whole shirt.

So you buy new shit and make it look old.

Yeah, I do experiments.So the swimming pool thing doesn't work.You need probably a truckload of coffee for it to work.So, you know, I mean, 15 bottles of instant coffee does not work in a swimming pool.

Yeah, dude, the swimming pool is so big.It's so big, yeah, it was too much.Why don't you use the tub?

You're right.So I'll go tub next time, right?But I do things when I...It's not boredom.It's not boredom.What it is, is..

.

It's not the time either because we've been very busy you went on in the road.All right, we're at home.I know so at home It's either I play video games Okay Right, which I haven't played in four or five months a single video game girlfriend guy.What he's a girlfriend guy now I'm a girlfriend guy and number two, right?I haven't doomscrolled All right, so then to occupy my time I have a hobby which is distressing shirts.

I like it.

Okay, but are you planning on selling them?No, you should yeah today I bought but so I have 20 shirts coming Over the weekend and then I have 20 more shirts coming next week.Well, this is your job.Yeah Hey now later or over time whatever fits your life.I have a friend named Alex.Yeah, and he wants this track suit I go, do you use Klorna?

Yeah.You can do four easy payments and he has the tracksuit now and it looks terrible.It does, but he was able to afford it.

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Anyway, my point, though, being is that it's not boredom.It's just me having a hobby.Yeah.And I get obsessed with things.And this is just what I'm putting my time to.I know we all have an upset.

Yeah.Yeah.I mean, you have obsessions as well.Golf.These guys.I'm obsessed with their health and well -being.

Yeah.Yeah.And as me as well.Like, for instance, that bad friend shirt you're wearing is a great shirt.It's one of my favorites.

I could distress it for you.Actually, that would be cool distressed.You don't want to stress?

I definitely want to distress.

Okay.He wants to de -stress is what he very stressed out.Because to me, it looks brand new to brand new for me.Well, do you want to tell Bob the unfortunate news?His child is leaving him and his wife.Yeah.

His kid is getting a divorce from her parents.

Legally.

Emancipating.

Emancipating.Wait, wait.Your child is leaving your wife and you.Yeah.Decided.And your child is what?

One years old?Three.Oh, three.One?I don't know how old this kid is.She's been around, dude.

I've never met her.She's big.She has a bank account.Oh, she does?Yeah.Okay.

And she just said, I'm leaving.I'm leaving.Yeah.So this is what you do.Because I know this is what happens.

It's happened to him before.

He knows.I did it.Yeah.And my parents were too weak.What you do is this, right?You let him leave.

Yeah.And so I left.I packed all my stuff as a kid.Me too.

I go, daddy, mommy, I'm gonna go leave home, and I'll come back.

And my dad was like, okay, go, go.I made it to the driveway, and I cried, and I ran back inside, right?

You don't do that.You lock the doors.

Lock, change the locks.Yeah, yeah, you change the locks, you lock the doors, you give it a week.See I never do it again.

I say lock the doors.

Yeah change the locks call the police if they try to come back Yeah, this is this is someone as a B &E because what it teaches them is strength.Yep, you know And that's why I've been able to win uno.So in the house, I'm sorry.I like it.No, I uno king, babe I'm gonna show you some photos that I have that I how many games of uno you won in a row I'm four in a row right now, dude Wow Yeah, and I'm gonna just show you and I've been trolling anyone that plays uno with me. I troll them with this And this says Uno King four in a row.Four in a row, Uno King.

Four in a row, guys, okay?And I play with me, my girlfriend, Honey, Jules, and her sister, Issa.

Do you ever let your girlfriend win?

I say I help her, but I sabotage her.You do, that's smart.Yeah, I play mind games.

That's good.Yeah.If equal rights, man, if we want to be equal, we got to play it up.

For instance, if I'm sitting next to my girlfriend and she wants a plus four me, I'll look her right and I go, Didn't we have a nice dinner tonight?Oh, you manipulate.I manipulate.Smart.I look at Honey.She's weak, yeah.

Yeah, not, no.She's weak.Okay.And, you know, like those mystery cards.You know what I mean?I always, whenever she looks at me, like exchange your hand with my hand.

I'll go like this.Right?And she won't do it.Good.You know what I mean?Smart.

Yeah, yeah.So when I play Uno, I use mind games and manipulation and power.Yeah, and bullying.Yeah, yeah.

That's how Uno works.That's what it was meant to do.I mean bring up uno.When did uno start?I gotta tell you buddy the origins of this were we're using the same tactics that Bobby's using to win this game Yeah, uno was invented 71 by Merle Robbins a barber from Reading, Ohio created the game in his kitchen table to resolve an argument with his son about the rules of crazy eights.Yep Original decks were the Robins family.

That's crazy.So it was another game they were fighting over to make a new game.

Anyone that says that Uno is pure luck.is out of their minds, there is skill involved.Tactics.It's tactics.

It's using what you have.

It's what you have.Oh, he died, huh?Yeah, he died.And God bless you, Merle.What a great game.Great game, bud.

Yeah.Merle Robbins, what a great game.And he probably made a good chunk out of that game, you think?No, this is one of those things I bet you he never made a lot of money.

You know these stories where they're like, You know, like the chick who did the Nike swoosh.They gave her 35 bucks.That was what it was.And then he gave her a bunch of stock, but the stock wasn't worth.

Oh, wait, did make money.I know, right?

Sold the game for $50 ,000 upfront, plus a royalty of 10 cents per game sold.Oh, that's good then.That is really good.That's good.Well, let's see this.Google about how many decks of Uno have been sold since its inception.

I'd like to know.I want to know.I mean, I want to know how much Merle made.

Yeah, 10 cents was low.

500 million decks?500 million decks.Times 10 cents.Was it 10 cents?Is that what it was?Yes.

A dollar.He got fucked.He got fucked.

I mean, he probably didn't know inflation was going to be what it was.He had no idea.He had no idea.But I would have done a dollar instinctually.You know what I mean?Highball it.

Jenga.What do they sell it for?Let's go Jenga.Who made Jenga?Who made Jenga?And what do they sell it for?

And now I'm telling you, Jenga, I'll get you every time.

Yeah, yeah.

All invented by British board.

It's a great quintuplet.Oh, fuck.You'll get it.It's a great Tarantino movie anyway.

Jenga Unchained.

Yeah, cut that out.

I'll leave it in.Jenga Unblocked.Leslie Scott in the early 1970s developed the game from a wooden block stacking.Actively, her family played in Ghana, West Africa.

It got introduced to the game in London Toy Fair in 1983.

It originally came with mosquito nets included in the Jenga set.Sold millions of copies.They launched it at the London Toy Fair.What?Do we have a toy fair still?Is the Los Angeles Toy Fair still a thing?

We should go.

No, but let's see.1986.Okay.It brought to 1986 and sold millions of copies worldwide.So how much, let's see, how much did Leslie Scott make from Jenga?Can we make?

Yeah, I wanna know.

I wanna know.

How much did Leslie Scott make from Jenga?Michael Scott's first love.How much did she make?Five cents per every $10 in sales.So a 20 % royalty rate on the game.That's really good.

So how many, what?No, no, no, it says, it says, Scott's initial licensing agreement was not highly lucrative in the beginning, and she once owed upwards of 238 ,000 early debt before it became a global phenomenon.Then I'm sure after the fact, it worked out just fine.

Okay.Because the super soccer guy, the black guy that invented that, that got stolen from him.Yeah.Yeah, yeah.I don't like that.You know, I don't like it at all.

Well, what are you going to do?

Well, didn't he get some money back from it?

We looked that up, remember?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.But anyone that invents a game that's like cultural and, you know, they should reap the rewards.But these gigantic companies gobble them up.Well, yeah in the beginning they're like great idea bud.

We'll give you 10 cents a game and that sounds pretty good Yeah, no, it doesn't know but at the time you go down.Oh my god in 68 1968.

Yeah, right.Yeah, but right nowyou invented a game.Yeah, I did.Yeah, I'm Mattel.

Oh, hi!

Hi, I'm Dr. Mattel.

Well, I'm...Mr. Dr. Mattel, I know...Yeah, hello, hello!I know that you love the game.I love the game!And it's, uh, it's called Catch Him While You Can.

Catch Him While You Can, I love it.

Right?

And you see the game here is laid out very easily, so it's, uh...Yeah, yeah, and I love the figurines, the black guy.Yes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And the white police officers.

Well, those are...Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.Those are actually ICE officers.Oh, these are ICE officers, yeah.

And there's a brown guy, too.Yes, he's working on the game.What a great game, Catch Him While You Can, yeah, yeah.Yeah.And they can never catch him, can they?

No, much faster in the buildings that you have.Yeah, I love it They hide in the buildings and this and that what buildings are all owned by those guys over there Oh the ones with that little funny hats on Yes, I love that it's a good game yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, and they're in the sky for some reason they're always up Yeah, yeah, unless clouds and they're in the sky unless they can't be in those buildings because something might happen Exactly right out of the eye exactly.Yeah.Yeah.Anyway, I love the concert.Thank you.

Catch me if you can Yeah, but anyway, is that so I'll give you I will give you, um, one dollar every, and every, um, game sold.Done.Really?Yes.One dollar for every game sold.That sounds incredible.

I mean, I made this in my garage.We're selling this for a hundred dollars.

A hundred dollars for the game.For the game.We're charging $100.You'll get $1.I'm just a humble man from Mansfield, Ohio.So I just, I think I'll take the deal.

You'll take the deal.I will.Okay.30 years later, broke, living in a hotel.Yeah, that's what I'm saying.You gotta go higher.

Well, you gotta get a lawyer.You can get 25%, 50%.50, they'll never do.25?25 will do.Yeah, yeah, yeah.

25, I'd take it.25 % of every game you should sell is, I think, fair.

You know what?We should invent something and see if we can go to patent with it.I had an invention.You know, it's funny, my wife had one today.We were on a hike and she goes, she had likea little sling backpack, the ones that you have.

And there was a dude with an umbrella to protect him from the Asian guy, sun.They don't, you know, yeah, my people.And she thought, wouldn't it be cool if there was like a umbrella in this little like sling backpack so you could use for the sun or something changes and then folds back up into the backpack.Okay, don't say that.Fuck is that a good idea?Yeah, it's a good idea.

You don't I know Can I give you one idea that I never I thought of in high school we had in like economics class They were like invent something.Yeah, I played tennis like one time in high school I never played in gym class and then every time you hit it in the net it bounces, right?It just will hit stop and bounce unless you're good and you never hit the net But I thought amateurs hit the net all the fucking time.How come it just stays there?Like how come there's not a quarter pipe on each side of the net?So at least when it hits, it would roll back some of the way to you.

In fact, you could invent a, you could invent like a wheeling system to kick it back to you a little bit more.

Yeah, but you stand there.

Not at the net.You almost never are that close to the net.

Yeah, but your toes are sometimes out.

Almost never that close to the net.And also it would only be used in amateur practice, never for like play.

I don't like that idea.

Cause it's good.No, it's not good.It's very good.Because if you've ever played tennis, you're like, God, I gotta go.Yeah, I play tennis.But it would help get it halfway back to you.

Okay, so it hits the net and there's a curve.There's a quarter pipe on each side.Right, right, right.

But a tennis ball bounces.But a lot of times it hits the net because of the give of the net, it holds it, right?So it would hold it and then slide it right back down.We'll look how about this.I want to do it.Let's let's try it I think I think it's not gonna work guess what we can and now and now well Yeah, you keep engineering and physics wise.

I don't think it's gonna work right back me up.Let's test it Let's test as it might let's test it is how about this you would we would toggle with it to figure I have another idea for us, please Yeah, profess.I was in Chicago, and these are all copywritten.

You can't steal these yes, you'll be it's all right

pizza Yeah, wants to do a frozen pizza with us really yeah Wait a minute.Yeah, like a bad friends frozen pizza Yeah with in conjunction with professor pizza, and what is the what's the what makes ours like unique different?What do we do with it bulgogi meat?Oh kimchi stuff like that phenomenal yeah, and it's some of its deep dish and I think half and half.Half and half, right?And we do it on Goldbelly, start there.

Yeah?

Yeah.

That's a genius.You know, can I pitch something?Yeah.I don't know how hard this is.He wants to do it.I don't know how hard this is to do, but I've told you before, deep dish isn't what we do.

We don't really eat that in Chicago.We do when you guys are - I ate it there.I know, but we don't.What I'm saying is - And so you do.When you live there, you just, people don't eat it that much.It's just, we usually eat thin crust tavern style, which is square cut pizza.

Detroit style.Ooh, it's tavern style.It's Chicago.Detroit style.Chicago.Yeah, Detroit.

It's ours.Anyway.Tavern style.Yeah, yeah, yeah.It's tavern style.Eminem has something else to say about it.

Eminem's wrong.Yeah, yeah.Eminem's not even from eight mile.He's from six mile.

Okay.

I've been over there.Yeah.Mom's spaghetti.They don't make that on a mile.Okay, that's only on six.I've been there.

Okay, let's move on from half of the pizza is tavern style thin and half is deep dish Okay, it's a monster mashup.

It's a monster man.It's like a Taco Bell KFC Here's the problem with that if I may sure you put in the oven, how do you cook it?

Well once well the deep dish dough is gonna be you're gonna gonna be layered differently.

It's it's you could do that Yeah, because by the time it comes out of the oven the thin part is gonna be black No, that's andrew's part.Yeah.Yeah.Yeah.

Yours is gonna be your part's gonna be black and burnt.Check it out.I mean check it out Yeah, you cook that half separately And you would join it with cheese And you would join it with cheese.What's the binding agent cheese?So they're half moons.

I see what you're saying So so the frozen pizza comes to your house.There's a side of sausagecheese Yep, right.Yep, you put the whole thing in correct, right?Yeah, you could get to a certain point That's right Then you pull it back out Then you add the sauce and the cheese and some toppings on top of that part your leisure and I love that word.I Love the phrasing of that word right and you put it back in.

Yep.Yep That I can think, but we'd have to test it.Bad friends mashup.We would, we would get in the kitchen.Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.We'd have to eat so much.

Can I say something else?Yeah.Yeah.The tennis thing?Bullshit.It's fucked.

It doesn't work.

I like it.

Yeah, I don't like it enough.But the bad friends pizza, I like.Bad friends pizza we can do.The monster mashup we'll do.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But he really said that, so that's something that maybe we can talk about.

I'm down.I would love to do that, actually.I would love to do that, yeah.Because every time I go there, I eat his pizza.

Yeah.Can I just say, The tour with Carlos, there was no real hang up.Really?There was one thing, and that's all.Wait a minute, time out, before you play anything.Yeah, before you play anything, yeah.

Give me your grievances, air out your grievances.

There was only one grievance, it was only a grievance.Grief.It was at the airport, and you were being...

Andrew, you would have been on my side.

What happened?

A lady got in my way.

No, no, no, that's not what...Can I say?

I feel like you're not gonna tell the truth.

Let him finish.It's his birthday.It's my who's birthday McCone.He's gone.Yeah.Yeah.

So someone gets to pick up the birthday.

All right, right.So, um, that could quite possibly be true what you're saying someone got in your way.Yeah, but then you said, excuse me.Yeah, they didn't say anything.And then you said what?

Say it back.

Say it back.You said that to him?No, he said to the lady that he said, excuse me to.

Oh, he's right.Yeah.Say it back.Yeah.Are you kidding me?Say it back.

Then don't say excuse me in the first place.No, because it's a cordial.Two people were at fault.Who was at fault?

She was.

she was in my way, but that's that's arguable.

She was in your way while you're walking Yeah, she like did a cross like a like a 45.What was the ton?What are you here?Let's hear excuse me.All right, so I'm walking.Let's hear it Yeah, let's excuse me was fine.

It was excuse me.It was very I would know the excuse me was perfect Thank you.

Yeah, it was a perfect.Excuse me and in my mind.I'm like what a mindful thoughtful person Right?Regardless of who was at fault, right?That's a sweet, very traditional way of saying, I'm sorry, my bad, or whatever.Excuse me.

Right.Then she didn't say anything, right?And then what did you say?

Say it back.

That's not how you said it.

That's how I said it.

There's no way that - Say it as if she's walking away.

Go.

Say it back.

Yeah.That's how he said it.He's right.Yeah, yeah.Say it back.When I hold the door for someone, they don't say thank you.

Bullshit.I go, you're welcome.You're welcome.

I would be mad at you on the road for that.

You don't get to tell me what to do.You specifically know that whatever he does right is a reflection on you unless she has no idea you're together because you could go.

I don't know that weirdo.Someone goes, this fucking guy go, I know, he's a piece of shit.

Listen, I don't have any grievances.I thought that everything was actually perfect.

It was good.

Meal was good.And OK, so he didn't invite any strangers into dinner.

How was do you got up on stage now?

The 12 minutes.Oh, yeah.No, he did.Six minutes.

Six.But it's an eternity.But I'm going to say this.Very good.Really, I thought for a guy that doesn't do stand -up and hasn't and to stay on stage for six minutes in front of that Many people big deal is a big deal But then you are we watching Minneapolis the Orpheum you the Orpheum.

We're gonna get him on kill Tony now.Yeah.

Yeah, I'm serious You should go do yeah, Tony now you did open in which all right, so I'm just gonna say this Can we see know what the before?even see in chicago the live nation rep walked up to me and goes interesting i go why we opened with israel okay yeah it's topical yeah i know but it was like i said that's where i got my hair done and yeah people it was cheap Yeah, I have a joke.

It's funny.Okay.

I have to survive up there.I'm not a comedian.

Yeah, he's trying.He's trying.Okay.He has to swing.He's got to swing.

Thank you.

Do you want to play his?I want to see.I want to see some of it.Yeah, for sure.I mean, we could watch the whole thing.

I do like your black people, though.Hell yeah.They're different from the ones in Texas and California, though.I noticed they're not all like Anthony Edwards.Anthony Edwards is the ones I expect.They're more like the I am the captain now.

Wait, stop.Huge pop.Stop.That's awesome.Wait, stop, stop.Stop, stop for a second.

That's so good.Can I see it again?No, hold on.Wait, let me play that again.That was...I'm telling you right now.

That's so good.

You guys added...You guys added laughs to it!I swear to God you did!What the fuck are you...There's no way that was a pop like that.

Play it again.Let me hear it again.Wait.What do you mean, added laughs?

Dude, there's an added track.

There's no way it got a pop.

This is footage of the show.I was there!See where the darkness is?I'm standing in that darkness.

Well, probably because he's ripping.Let me see.

Say it again.Do it again.

They're not all like Anthony.

That's a good pop.

Anthony Edwards is the ones I expect.They're more like the, I am the captain now.

Dude you rip Did you get laughs that loud dude she never got an applause break it sounded never got an applause break Oh The Oxford shirt that I have you almost did went to the goal of Golden Gala Awards, right?But I still wear it and I look smooth at night.In fact, I used it.I wore it with some slacks Right?Tucked it in with a belt and I went and saw the movie Obsession.Ooh, a little dress up.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.It's stylish and people go, Oh my God, this guy is, you know what I mean?High level.

Well, because Quinn's European linen pants and shirts are perfect warm weather upgrades.Say that again.I love that.Well, they're European linen.Oh, European.European leather is nice.

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Quince dot com slash badfriends.Hello, Wild One.Here's the Wild One.Wild One.Wild One.Wild One.

Wild One.Wild One.Whoa, look at those pants.Oh, dude, you got a shirt with rats on it, dude.

Yeah.Sit down, you fucking homeless sheik.Yeah.Yeah.We're in the presence of a movie star.Big movie star.

Him, John Cena.

Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow.

The star of the new movie Little Brother with John Cena is here.Him and John share the screen.I saw the poster.I watched the movie.They sent it to you.I have it on my Netflix.

I watched it.Oh, baby.I love to hear it.I did my homework.You know what?

I'm never going to see it.Okay.Weird start.No, no.

Weird start.I'm going to see it.I'm going to see it.

You promise?I'm a fan.Me and Bobby almost did a Comedy Central show together.Yeah, we did.

Oh my God, dude.

Back in the good old days.Already.What was that called?What was that called?I didn't say anything bad.It was called the Bobby Lee Bonanza.

Wow.Wow.And you played a...Sous -chef it was the predecessor to chef.Yeah, what were you I was a very racist character you played me like a Sambo Okay, Bobby.I got Al Jolson kind of thing.

Okay.

Yeah, it was everyone.Yeah, literally wasn't it was like a boy.You were my best friend All right, you were literally my best friend.It's still my buzzer.

Yeah.

Yeah, and that's what it was There was no Sambo It was a bit, you know, it didn't age well, let me put it that way.

It never got picked up.Give me one of the lines.It never got picked up.One of the lines?Yeah, yeah, yeah.Your shoes shine, boss.

Yeah, because my shoes were dirty.His shoes were dirty.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Defense.No, he was just a regular guy.Oh, soup's ready, boss.No, that's not what it was.

And when we shot the pilot, we were having a ball.It was a good time.Yeah.No.he cast Donald Glover instead of me.No, I didn't cast Donald Glover.

Word around the campfire.Smart move.

Hey, if you want a good career decision, you're going to cast Donald Glover.

Donald Glover.You know, there's a couple of things that you brought that up before in front of me.

Bobby, I'm trying to give the - I understand!The audience needs context for our friendship.

When you look at me like that, I feel like you're looking at me like to calm down.

No, go ahead.

You were very sweet to me in the beginning.

You took me out to dinner at the farmer's market.

Yeah, and we used to go to, you used to have those great parties.He still has great parties.Block party.

He's a big party guy.You're making it weird.

I know, but there was a - I think it's the fucking coolest - I understand that, but there was a 20 -year gap between parties.Wait a minute.

You took me to dinner when I was a very young comedian.

He treated you like - A king.A king, right?Didn't cast me in the show, but that's okay.Okay.See, there's these little tiny - That's what it is with this guy.With this guy, he's like a Korean.

Very Korean Resentments that build because this business business is hard and it comes out in weird ways Right, and this is the way it comes out with him, right?About how he's perceived this which is fucking bullshit that he auditioned for mad TV He didn't get it and he thought that I treated him differently after that.He didn't get it, right?

Is that true?No, we got a little Hollywood.Is any of it not true?I don't know what he's talking about.Let's just say, um, the text, the responses, they didn't come back.Oh, yeah, but I don't text anybody.

He doesn't.No, no, no, no, no.There was the, there was texts were flowing.I didn't get on season 14 of mad TV known as the best season, best season of life.It was, it was the, it was the year that BarrySo good.

That was the year that what it buried the show.I think I think I got canceled.That was the last season Yeah, yeah, you know and that's God's work.Look at your career now.Yeah, right.So fuck you It is true.

Yeah, it worked out for the better.Yeah, I He told me crazy stories back in the day.Yeah, you can't say them.

One of the stories he told me, he tried to quit drugs called turkey on the show.Yes.And weird fucking ooze started coming out of his butthole.Yeah, I shit my pants, and when I played Connie Chung, yes.And our spears was going, damn, it smells like shit.

Yeah, so that is a true story.That's funny.It's not funny.It's very funny.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.He told that to me as like, hey, isn't that funny?Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.From years ago.

I know.Something happened where I was detoxing off of Vicodin, Right.Oh you were Viking it was your thing.Yeah.

Yeah, that's it.It's an opiate hook, right?

Yeah, you don't want to get two days before I did Connie Chung, right?The show quit cold turkey.Yeah, the show goes tape your you you got to get off the drugs taper though No, I didn't know anything about it.

So I so on older you at the time fuck I was 32 Okay, sorry, I'm at TV you get mad TV, but you were before my TV were second season You weren't on television before this I did commercials But, like, you weren't this big for you.And I had done heroin Kumar.I thought you were just going to say heroin.Heroin Kumar.So this was big for you, to be on that TV?Yeah, it was pretty big.

So the pressure is immense.You're going down to L .A.You're getting pills.Yeah, yeah, yeah.No.

And you're having a good time, but you don't have anything.

No, no, no.Where I got the...No, no, no.There was a Second City guy, right, who had...Everything.He had Vicodin for horses.

Jesus Christ they were like these big blue they were big blue Vicodin pill he had Vicodin and ivermectin he had both it was something you'rebig blue pill.See, this is a good story.Right?Because a lot of the cast members were from Second City, he would give me these big...I spent all my money on these big blue Vicodin pills, and he...

He knew writers and cast members, right?So he would go backstage.

They're like, stop selling shit to Bobby.

No, no, it was a secret, right?So I would give him like three or four grand.That's why Ari beat me up.Because one time I asked Ari for four grand because I was on it mad and I had no money left.He beat you up because...That's not what the context of that is.

Are the real content?Yeah, the real imagine his like arms.Yeah.Yeah.Yeah, he beat me up at the end of the day Hong Kong.

No That's do you have any qualms with this mr. Andre now, we've actually got a long yeah It's been pretty amazing.There's no pause.No.

We've actually called each other, and we talked about how much we love taking this out of here.Yeah, we really love it.Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because you seem to always have a little thing with me.But wait, maybe it's you.I don't think it's me.You think it's him.Yeah, yeah.I don't have a thing with anyone else in the comedy community.

I get along with everybody.When we were at that Netflix brunch, Santino goes, you talk to everybody.There's people here, not so far in the - Everybody.You talk to everybody.You got something.I go, well, I don't know.

There's one guy here, you know, we're kind of ruffling each other's feathers.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, but I talk to everybody, too, on that Netflix lunch.Yeah, that's not what most people say.I talk to Odenkirk, I talk to Jon Stewart, I talk to a lot of people.Okay, you can name a few.Okay, I named a few.FYI.

I was very social.I was very social at that time.So, Paul Shear's selling you the pills of an Ari beat you.Yeah, what's up, Paul Shear?

I love you, Paul.Why did Ari throw a punch at you?Okay, this is all old news.

I don't rehash.And also, you guys have me as a guest on your show,and all we do, we spend the time talking about Bobby the whole time.It's like, all right, let's talk about your movie.

How was the movie?

He's a movie star now, dude.Movie star.I did one movie.It's pretty big.

It's gonna be the top movie on Netflix.Top movie on Netflix.100%.

You think so?

There's no doubt in my mind.

I'm flattered by that.

I hope so.There's no doubt.I hope so.When you did the scene at the golf course naked, you had your cock out, huh?

Yeah, they give you a little...

Oh, no, the merkin?They give you a little bag, but it flew off.I wanted you to be butt naked for that.I was.

You would have fun.Yeah.That's gonna kill it.Yeah, but it the thing the thing, you know with the water it slips off John good guy did good guy.Yeah.Yeah.

Yeah.He's a he's a ace He is an ace sweet guy total pro like a nice guy 100 % Like shows up early always prepared.Yeah, just like a total pro like WWE is actually in my opinion, the greatest acting school you could ever go to.I agree.We've seen it work.Well, think about it.

They have to have a monologue that they got that afternoon on the plane.They have to deliver something out of their mouth that's five pages long in front of 40 ,000 people.They can improvise.

Yeah, but I mean - It's not an Aaron Sorkin project where you have to do it word by word.Yeah, but he said - Okay, I'm making a larger point.

I'm making a large - I'm just saying what they have to do they have to go to Dublin you know one night deliver a monologue that's exposition about the next fight in Des Moines that the audience isn't even connected to and then another wrestler comes out and like you know they do John Wick stunts for like 45 minutes thenthey got to deliver more exposition.It's like, if you could go through that for as many years as he went through it, a movie is like nothing.Like, you know what I mean?Yeah, this is bullshit.He's like, do it again.

That's fine.Yeah, we can take it again.

Fuck that.

Another take, not in front of 40 ,000.

I mean, that's why if you like, you know what's so funny about that?When I watched the Hogan documentary, it showed Many reasons why he gained popularity Hulk Hogan, but like one of them also was his Delivery his character delivery on those pops, whatever they call him like the the promo pop.Yeah, he was flawless Yeah, like he wouldn't miss and they got it so tight so good and he was then they watched guys you watched guys They did outtakes on that.It was wild to watch because people get defeated Yeah, like if they fuck up, but they're like fuck do it again Yeah, they would do it again and you watch these guys like lose the character It was kind of powerful to watch so the more people that could stay in it like what you're saying Yeah, that's how they got that's like it was so organic.

There's very few guys willing to get that jacked and do that much wrestling and stunt work and also have to deliver pages and pages of dialogue monologues in an instant.

And also committing to the character.

And commit to the character.And the storyline.And the storyline.And in front of 50 ,000 people.It's impossibly hard.So it's like you only get one of those guys a generation.

It's like Hulk Hogan is like the guy for 10, 20 years.Then you get Dwayne The Rock Johnson for another 10, 20 years.Then you get John for another 20 years.

Who's next?

I don't know, Cody Rhodes?

Yeah, he seems like the guy.He's the best.I just did Street Fighter with him.

He's the best.

That's the guy that everyone I think has pinned to be the guy.

He's the man.His dad was Dusty Rhodes and his brother's Goldust.Yeah, Goldust.Goldust.And, you know, so I just, last year I got to work with John all summer, and then I went to Australia and did Street Fighter with Cody.It's like, I love working with wrestlers.

Where was this?And I grew up with Hulk Hogan, Macho Man, Junkyard Dog sheets on my bed.So, it's like a total thing.Did you ever know Tonga the Kid?John.Tonga the Kid?

Yeah.This was shot in New York.And I don't know Tonga the Kid.

This is his favorite.

I'm sorry, this is New Jersey.Every time I bring up Tonga the Kid, nobody knows Tonga the Kid.

This is New Jersey.You don't know Tonga the Kid?This is before my time.Oh, OK.Well, let me tell you something.You're much older than me.

We're on his land right now.We're on his land.Do we do a sacred?We should do an acknowledgment.

Do we do a sacred land acknowledgment?

We're on Bobby's land or Tonga's?

OK, I don't feel comfortable with this part of the conversation.

All right.

I don't feel comfortable.Why?At an AAPI panel.I'm Polynesian.I'm polyamorous.I haven't told my wife, but I'm polyamorous.

Is Tonga still alive?

I hope so.A lot of these guys are not alive.They're big guys, they did a lot of crazy steroids and drugs.Yes, he's alive.

Good for him.Tonga, big fan.Sam Fatu.

I'm going to Topgolf tonight.Why?I'm Korean.Oh, smart.I'm fully getting plastic surgery to become Korean.Yeah, I can't wait.

See, most of us are turning Chinese.That's the new trend.I'm turning Chinese.

What were you gonna say?Am I what?Were you serious when you texted me, you go, you wanna go on tour together?Yeah, I was fucking serious.Do it.I love you, man.

You're fucking funny.

I would do a show with you.

You gave me one of the best pieces of advice one time.You said, make them laugh before your first joke on your walk to the stage.You gave me that advice very young and I was like, that's the fucking best because it shakes off the jitters.that that first like taking the mic out of the stand and all that shit isn't awkward so I always I'll sneak up behind the audience and do a bunch of fucking goofy ass Andy Kaufman shit yeah yeah I love you man it's it's smart because then once you do start talking they don't laugh Yeah, very good.Well, here's another note.I also I want to steal your material.

Yeah.Yeah on tour.All right.

Yeah, do it.

Take the yours.Honestly, we should do I gave you full permission to do.

Yeah, I don't know.What am I?Yeah.Here's another that I have is there's a difference between writing funny and being funny.Do you understand what I mean?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, so a lot of new comics will just memorize whatever they wrote.Like, hey girl.Hey girl.Hi.Writing or being funny.Yeah.

Shut the fuck up.I'm not gay.Some people are funny.Some people write funny.Okay, dude.Spill the tea, girl.

Tell us.Go off, queen.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I really want...Do you understand what I mean?I want your belly back.No.I know you're trying to do the Kumail thing.You're probably doing peptides.

He's getting jacked.Don't.Please don't.

Remember Australia?

You with that pot belly when you really had the dad bod?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Before you told a joke, I was laughing.Okay.Because you look...Yeah, yeah.You looked like human comedy.Why are...

And this bad friends circular thing, why is it a cartoon of you with a Chicano community leader?That's Paul Rodriguez.

That's a young Paul.Yeah, I replaced Paul.You didn't know that?Yeah, yeah, yeah.Got it, got it, got it, got it, got it.

Bad Vengeance was really with him and Paul.Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The original.Yeah, I look like a Cheech Marin.You do.

Like, yeah.Yeah.And we're gonna podcast it.

But why do I look like Salvador Dali in this one?

You have a Dali style.You think I have a Dali style?You have a very Dali bite to you.

Hey, I liked when you guys popped up on Happy Gilmore.That made me happy.Oh, that's cool.You know what?I'll be honest with you.

Huge for us.As a comic, I have to say.It was awesome.I think you're very funny.I love you.No, no.

You have my kind of energy.I think we're similar.

You never come by the house and hang out.

Santino's come by the house.He pays his respects.And you came up from behind me, took my shirt, and wrapped it over my head.You know what I mean?And I haven't seen you in years.That's my kind of energy.

I know.

But you got very shy.What?You got shy.I got shy.Yeah, because I'm more corporate.I'm more corporate and I watch what I say.

Okay, so corporate corporate corporate.

Yeah.Yeah.I've never done a corporate gig.I've never done one.I've never once asked been asked.Yeah.

When I hear comics like I had to do a corporate gig once and yada yada yada.I'm like, how?How did that happen?Not once.Not me either.Never.

I mean, I would.Why would a single corporation look at us and ask us?

Here's another reason.We're Tom Shalhoub.A compliment.is you've always, even as a youngster, right, you've always been fashionable.You think so?Oh, yeah, yeah.

I've always thought to myself, Eric Andre is fashionable.Have you ever said it?I never said it to you, but I always felt it, like, you're cool.

Thanks, man.

Yeah, dress -wise.

Santino's like, do you want me to leave you two?

I couldn't care less.He doesn't care.No, no, no, no.He doesn't care.

We were going to do a movie together.

Yeah.Wow.What happened?

We're going to do something together.We're going to do something together one day.We were going to do a movie together.

Yeah, yeah.What happened?It went by the wayside.

You got a little sunburn.

I did?Yeah.Today?Yeah.Really?Is it my face?

You got a little fuck up.I got a little color?

Golf?

It's a little rough.No.You golfed it?

No.

You got to do SPF, dude.You're going to kill yourself.

I'm doing SPF, bud.

Yeah.

I'm doing it every time.

I'm not joking.

Look, Blue Lizard.

Look up Blue Lizard.I hope you're getting moles checked and all that stuff.I'm getting it checked.

I got, I already got two.

I know you're always out golfing and you're, you're not, you're careless.Blue lizard.You can look up whatever you want.Is that a good, I want to use it.Is that a good love?

Blue lizard.Okay, good.

You take it in a weird direction.I like blue lizard.

Do you use facial creams at night?No, no.Like when you, when I was in Korea, yeah.

All my platonic golf pals were like going every night.and buy me every lotion.And I came back, it looked like I was smuggling lotions into the United States.

They do have the best shit.What?

There's a beautiful people.There's a new Korean...What are you pointing at?I don't know where it is, that's why.There's a new Korean store that just opened for those Sage products, right?It was like a two -mile line.

Yeah, yeah.

And they're using, like, snail...Yeah, yeah.

You look it up, new Korean two -mile...Yeah.

This is a real pitch, and you're gonna think I'm joking.Yeah.And I don't know...How good is your Korean?It's called Olive Young.That's what it's called, Olive Young.

Can you speak...I speak a little Korean.Fluently.Why don't we pitch a super duper low budget wacky comedy show to Korean television?And speak only in Korean.Yeah, I can be the I can play the dumb American and you give me like.

Yeah, I literally you probably know more Korean than I do.

That's how little I know.That's all I can count to.That's four.I can say certain things.Hakkyo is a school.

You know Donnell Rawlings, and I'm not making this up.

No, I know.Fluent Korean.He knows more than I do.

And Donnell hates me.It's mind blowing.He hates you?Yeah.Since when?

Why?

He has a little thing with me.You told me no comedians hate you at the Netflix comedy brunch.

He wasn't there.

Yeah, Donnell was there.

So anyway, Olive Young is a mile long.I want to go in there.Let's go.Yeah, let's go.Where is it?Where is all of y 'all?

Pasadena.

So there's a there's a there's a long line.Can't let me call and say I'm Bobby Lee and temporarily closed.All right.

Is it you can call and say I'm Bobby Lee and they'll cut you to the front line.

Yeah, they'll get you in there, Bob.Yeah.Wait, click on.Is it closed?Is that true?

Century City was, you know, I thought that was your mom the whole time.That really tripped me out.This is why I don't like this chair that much, because I can't.First of all, come on.

No, no, no.We have to.That's crazy.We have to for the sake of that's for the sake of the show.Jack Black's out there.Jack Black.

Those chairs have been sat in by legends.Merle Haggard.Merle Haggard.Mort Sahl.Mort Sahl.Yeah.

Uh, Shecky Green.That's not true.All of them.Oh yeah.

Mort Sahl.

Mort Sahl.There's no way Mort Sahl.Red Skeleton.Skeleton.Red Skeleton.

Red Skeleton.Ted Caesar.Flip Wilson.Uh -huh.We've had Black.Did you do this Catskills?

We've had Blacks.We've had some Blacks.Yeah, from the 60s.

Have you had Blacks?

Yeah, a couple.

Did the Blacks go crazy when they're in here?Blacks love this show.They love it.They love this show.Did the Blacks just go hog wild?The Blacks love this show, baby.

Your laugh is demonic.I love hog wild.The Blacks just go hog wild in these classics.Yeah, yeah.

So can you tell us something about the movie?Okay, so the movie, I play, um, Sina's little brother.

Okay.

So he, like, did, like, a, uh, you know, a...

Genetic testing.

No, no, no, no.It's not.It's not.What is that?Junior twins?Twenty three and me.

It was like, no, not biological.So he like 30 years ago when he was in high school and I was 10.He did a program where he adopted me for a few weekends, and he just did it for like, it looked good on his resume for college.But for me, this abandoned 10 -year -old, it was life -altering.Then I get this horrible car accident.He gets a call from the hospital.

Like, oh, your brother's in the hospital.He has a biological brother.So he's like, shit.So he runs to the hospital with his wife.He opens the curtain and it's me.He hasn't seen me since I was 10.

So it's just me. I'm all fucked up.I'm in the medical halo.I'm like, ah, blood coming out of my mouth.

And they're like, who the fuck is this?And I'm like, holy shit.I think that's my little brother from the program that I did.But I haven't seen this guy in 30 years.I only hung out with him for a few weekends when we were kids.And then I slowly, it's like a what about Bob meets the movie Parasite.

I slowly, Like the wife kind of starts, you know, she's enchanted by me.The kids love me.His brother loves me.Everyone at work loves me.He's trying to be a real estate agent on this reality TV show, and he almost gets like kicked off the show, but they love me so much.

only him back but they won't so i like drive them nuts that's it i don't i want people to watch it so that's you know i mean that's a great premise this movie is on netflix go watch little brother also eric is on the very first episode of the bad game show yes we your episode number one i'm very excited number one all right we gotta we gotta go um can you look in the camera and say thank you for being a bad friend yeah please thank you for being a bad friend yes