Every joke that King Charles cracked as US visit wraps up (including Churchill’s NAKED blunder)

Indeed, you recently commented, Mr. President, that if it were not for the United States, European countries would be speaking German.Dare I say that if it wasn't for us, you'd be speaking French.And if I may say so, it is a particular pleasure to be back in this wonderful building, the heart of your democracy.On this occasion, I cannot help noticing the readjustments to the East Wing, Mr. President.Following your visit to Windsor Castle last year, And I'm sorry to say that we British, of course, made our own small attempt at real estate redevelopment of the White House in 1814.My mother's first Prime Minister, Sir Winston Churchill, understood this so well.

But then he himself was half American, a tradition of shared transatlantic heritage, which I am pleased to say is alive and well in the White House today.Indeed, such was the closeness that Sir Winston, while staying here in the White House, in those rooms you showed us upstairs, emerged naked from the bathtub to discover the door opening as President Roosevelt came in for a chat.With rapier wit, the president cast aside any embarrassment by declaring that the Prime Minister has nothing to conceal from the President of the United States.Of course, my late mother met no fewer than 13 serving presidents.Thankfully, all of them fully clothed.All of that time, our destinies as a nation

have been interlinked.As Oscar Wilde said, we have really everything in common with America nowadays, except, of course, language.So many miracles of the modern world have been and still are invented in America.Indeed, we have followed the voyage of Artemis II, or Artemis II, as my family and I might like to call her, with close attention.Now, I know you have big plans for the moon, Mr. President.But I've actually checked the papers, and I rather suspect it is already part of the Commonwealth, I'm afraid.

Now, as you may know, when I address my own Parliament at Westminster, we still follow an age -old tradition and take a Member of Parliament hostage, holding him or her at Buckingham Palace until I am safely returned.These days, we look after our guests rather well, to the point that they often do not want to leave.I don't know, Mr Speaker, if there were any volunteers for that role here today.This is a city which symbolizes a period in our shared history, or what Charles Dickens might have called a tale of two Georges.First President George Washington and my five times great -grandfather, King George III.King George, as you know, never set foot in America.

And please rest assured, ladies and gentlemen, I am not here as part of some cunning rearguard action.The founding fathers were bold and imaginative rebels with a cause.250 years ago, or as we say in the United Kingdom, just the other day, they declared independence.And in sport, in just a few weeks, the United States and Canada will be among those to welcome the world as hosts of the FIFA World Cup.So in one sense, Mr. President, as heads of state, we are joint hosts.We call this game, by the way, football, Mr. President.

And I can only say, as the head of state of five competing countries, I will be watching the matches closely and with great enthusiasm.After all, we always like favorable odds.Thank you, Mr. President and Mrs. Trump, for your splendid dinner this evening, which, may I say, is a very considerable improvement on the Boston Tea Party.As the words of that famous anthem remind us, this is the land of the free and home of the brave, as your own response demonstrates.What used to be called in the last war in the United Kingdom, keep calm and carry on.And my family's history remains reflected in your maps, which read

rather like our Christmas card list across the ages.North and South Carolina, Virginia, Maryland, and the cities of Charleston, a particular favorite of mine, obviously.Georgetown, and for that matter, Georgia, Annapolis, as you mentioned, and further favorites, Prince William County and Williamsburg.This said, our French friends can feel equally at home with a glance at a map.Indeed, you recently commented, Mr. President, that if it were not for the United States, European countries would be speaking German.Dare I say that if it wasn't for us, you'd be speaking French.

And speaking of submarine alliances, there was one particular orcish predecessor launched from a UK shipyard in 1944 that served for the majority of her life attached to the 4th Submarine Squadron in Australia, playing a critical role during the war in the Pacific.Her name?HMS Trump.So tonight, Mr. President, I am delighted to present to you, as a personal gift, the original bell which hung on the conning tower of your valiant namesake.May it stand as a testimony to our nation's shared history and shining future.And should you ever need to get hold of us, just give us a ring.