Fauci Takes the 5th Amendment While MAGA Cracks His Diary Open & Calls Him Hitler | The Daily Show

America, you guys remember COVID, that thing that briefly turned humans everywhere into alcoholic indoor cats?Remember that era where we lost friends and family to the Joe Rogan experience?We were trying to flatten the curve or delta the omicron or whatever the f*** we were trying to do?Regardless, I know that Republicans remember COVID, because ever since the pandemic, they've been calling for the arrest of Dr. Anthony Fauci, who spearheaded America's COVID response.And this week, one of his biggest haters escalated things.

Senator Rand Paul has released Anthony Fauci's diary entries.

Ooh!Dr. Fauci's diaries are out in the open for anyone to read.He's gonna have all the juice, the evidence, and reveal which variant he had a crush on.Oh.Now, if Rand Paul released Fauci's diaries, they must reveal something incriminating.So let's hear what Dr. Anthony Fauci was trying to keep secret.

Not really a secret.

Everyone knew... everyone knew that.I mean, I literally saw Fauci more than I saw my parents, mostly because they couldn't figure out how to turn on the Zoom camera.Uh, what else you got?

He said, quote, the press still hot and heavy about me.Multiple stories per day directly or indirectly involving me.Yeah.

Again, he was famous.We know that a lot of us had Fauci fever.The pandemic made us say crazy things or where crazy things, you know, looking for something with substance, not just embarrassing gossip.

In another diary entry, Tonyis writing about an Instagram post with supermodel Tyra Banks, and Tony Fauci wrote, quote, Are we supposed to be surprised that Fauci wrote about being called sexier than Tyra Banks?

If someone called me sexier than Tyra Banks, I'd write that in my diary.You know, I write about being called sexier than Carlton Banks.I even write about being compared favorably to a Bank of America.I have very low self -esteem.Honestly, this just sounds like an old man not realizing how unhinged Instagram comments can be.Then another commenter used an eggplant and a water -splashing emoji to, from what I understand, emulate an ejaculating penis.

Needless to say, a great honor.Look, Rand Paul, Dr. Paul, D .J., Pauly Rand, we don't... we don't care about Fauci's interactions with celebrities.

Give us some entries with answers.

You butt -di...Esther Hoffman Howard!So, basically, these diary entries didn't reveal any shocking revelations about Fauci's criminal negligence or intent, That didn't stop Republicans from dragging Fauci into Congress yesterday and grandstanding on it.

Somewhere along the line, it became all about you.You became a narcissist and a megalomaniac and a liar.And you've lied to the American people, and you've lied to this body.Wow.

Strong start, Senator Josh Hawley.And, by the way, I love the hair.What about that hair?It just makes you look super cool, man.And smart.No notes.

All you need to do now is bring it home.You know, hit him with a -a closing line that makes everyone stand up and cheer.

You've done more to harm science than anybody in my lifetime, and I hope you'll go home and write that in your diary.Thank you, Mr. Chairman.

Is this thing on?Is this thing not on?Let's see, let's see.Anyone here been to Wuhan?Anybody?Anybody?

Of course, Republicans weren't just there for political theater.They were hoping to get Fauci to say something on the record that they could use to incriminate him.Unfortunately for them, Fauci had an answer for everything.Excuse me, one answer for everything.Are you disappointed how you handled COVID?Do you have any regrets?

On the advice of counsel, I respectfully decline to answer based upon my rights under the Fifth Amendment to the Constitution.On the advice of counsel, I respectfully decline to answer under the Fifth Amendment.I respectfully decline to answer...

What color tie are you wearing?

On the advice of counsel, I respectfully decline to answer...

Talk, huh?Sorry, boys, I got a question for him.Dr. Fauci, what's your favorite Barbra Streisand song?

I respectfully decline to answer...

Damn it!It's good.He's very good.So Fauci answered every question by invoking his right hand.remain silent.Well, nice try, Doc, but your silence speaks volumes.

I'm no body language expert, but we're gonna have one in a few minutes.Let me show you this.I -I...You ever see Mr. Burns on The Simpsons?I still love The Simpsons.And he did this thing with the hands a lot.

Uh, fingertips on fingertips.What do you make of that?It says something.

It has to say something, right?Otherwise, this whole segment would be stupid.I'd look like the...The biggest dipshit on TV.And while I have a body language expert here, the president going like this, that's normal, right?Weird.

Normal.Weird.Normal.You know, I'm getting confused here.I'm getting confused.What is it that Dr. Fauci did that is so heinous that you are still trying to get him six years afterwards?

Well, he did fund gain -of -function research at a sloppy lab where a virus escaped and left a million Americans dead.

Complicit in the deaths of millions of people.The guy killed or had something to do with killing nine million people.

Okay, wow, that's right.Okay, he engineered the virus that killed millions and millions of people because it was so deadly.A threat to everyone.

The COVID virus was simply not a threat to most people.My spidey senses about him, about the entire scandemic, were accurate.

The lot of us that COVID was a flu.To tell kids they couldn't go to school for years for no reason.

Dr. Fauci lied about his own personal views.Shutting down the country for a virus he knew wasn't that deadly.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, see?It's deadly.And it didn't matter.And millions died, but it was fine.And, God, my head hurts.hurts, okay?

My ears are bleeding.And are those symptoms of the deadly virus?That doesn't matter?I just don't understand.Could someone try again to tell us what was in these diary entries?

If you read the stories in the so -called mainstream press about the Fauci diaries, you will see an exact parallel to the Biden...

I -I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I can't hear you over the pipe.What's going on here?Are you guys... are you guys... are you guys trying to solve COVID or a murder on the Orient Express?

What's up about Dr. Fauci?Shall we retire to the hot tub, my dear boys?Chop chop!Listen, guys, can we dial this back a bit?I'm not saying Anthony Fauci made no mistakes, but it's not like the man is Hitler.

Fauci's guilty of mass murder and crimes against humanity on a scale of a Hitler and a Joseph Mengele.

Okay, I stand corrected.Fun fact, Hitler also committed all his crimes to meet Barbra Streisand.Fun fact.If you think America's response to COVID was really that horrible, is there someone other than Fauci you might put some blame on?Maybe, maybe somebody Fauci worked for, could even be somebody you may have met one or two.Turn around the, jog your memory, no?

He was the guy who was president during the pandemic and he also thought Fauci was sexier than Tyra Banks.

He's a good man. I like Dr. Fauci a lot.

He's been doing a very good job.We're very happy with Dr. Fauci.And I have a lot of respect for him.

Fauci.And I have to pay tribute.We have, whether it's Dr. Fauci, we have the best people on Earth.

Normally, when Trump praises something like that that highly, he just had his broker buy a ton of stock in it.Look, this is not to say Donald Trump is the one big villain of COVID.There is no one big villain of COVID.Well, except maybe COVID.He was a bad dude.It was an unprecedented pandemic that we spent years stumbling through, trying to find some patchwork of solutions that would protect our health while keeping our society from total collapse.

Did our leaders make mistakes?Of course they did.Should we try to find out what we did wrong?Of course.But that was not what was happening with Republicans this week.They were doing the only thing we do anymore, shove a complex issue through a performative partisan filter.

But it's not going to do anything for us to throw Anthony Fauci in prison.It's not even going to do that much to Anthony Fauci.I mean, threatening an 85 -year -old with life in prison, that's kind of like putting a kid in timeout 10 minutes before school is over.In fact, coding public health as a partisan issue is incredibly dangerous, because we've already seen what happens when a party comes in thinking that public health is the other party's issue.

The Trump administration has started carrying out mass layoffs at the Department of Health and Human Services.

The cuts will impact roughly 3 ,500 workers at the FDA, 2 ,400 at the CDC, and 1 ,200 at the NIA.Chanceling almost $500 million in funding for 22 projects focused on developing mRNA vaccines.An office established to prepare the nation for future pandemics is reportedly down to just one staffer.The source says it's not clear who that person reports to.

one guy left!This is why we are losing a Diary Award to lettuce.So here's the point, America.How about instead of looking for partisan scapegoats for the last pandemic, how about we, for once, work together to find out how we can focus on preventing the next one?I think that... that even Dr. Fauci could agree with.What do you say, Doc?

I respectfully decline to answer.

Gotcha.Saving it for the diary.I get it.