first trimester pregnancy vlog!🤰🏼 *raw & honest* symptoms, ultrasounds, anxiety

Hello my sweet friends, welcome or welcome back.If you have just stumbled across this video and you haven't met me before, hello, my name is Rachel, I'm 28 years old, I live in Brisbane, in Australia, and I am pregnant with my first baby, which is just the most surreal thing to say.I have watched so many first trimester vlogs, and just pregnancy and birth and motherhood vlogs for so many years now, even before I was pregnant, before I was trying to get pregnant, but especially now that I'm actually pregnant.I just love these videos so much, so it feels very surreal to be filming one of them myself, but I'm very excited to be sharing my experience with you guys.I am currently very, very early on in my pregnancy.I am five weeks and two days, I believe, based on the due date that I think is correct, but I haven't had any appointments yet.

So TBD on that one, I'll keep you guys updated.But I found out I was pregnant at three weeks and five days.And if you haven't watched that video, I'll link it down below.It was like just such a crazy moment.I feel like a lot of people, not everyone, but a lot of people just kind of dream of that moment and I'm definitely one of those people who dreamt of that moment of finding out that I was pregnant and I was so shocked, which is just so crazy because we were planning, we were trying, we had been trying for a little bit, but I was just so shocked because, I guess we'll get into this properly in this video, but I was really shocked because my pre -pregnancy symptoms were like non -existent.I fully thought my period was coming.

I had every pre -period symptom in the book, like from my personal experience.And I think it's just so funny because you always read comments of people being like why are you shocked that you got a positive pregnancy test when you were trying to have a baby but it's like when you've had multiple negative tests when you've been trying to have a baby and then you have all of your normal pre -period symptoms and then you get a positive test like it is just the most i don't know how to explain it it was just so shocking to me and i feel like i hear so many women be like i knew i was pregnant before i took the test because i had this cravingor because I had this food and it tasted not good.like it normally did or I was so tired or I started to feel nauseous or like something set them off and they just knew they were pregnant because of something and I just I did not have that feeling at all.I was so convinced my period was coming.I was so convinced that test was going to be negative.

So when it was positive, I was just so shocked but so happy.But like I said, I'm five weeks and two days and I have been taking little notes on my symptoms so far.Obviously, there's not a ton.I'm so early on, but I want to bring you guys along for the entire first trimester experience and all the updates that are to come.So I guess I'll just go through the little things that I've noticed so far.So like I said, I didn't feel like I had any pre -pregnancy symptoms before taking the test because they were literally my pre -period symptoms.

So I did have mild cramping, just like that really dull achy sort of feeling that I always get.before my period comes usually like two days before my period comes I get this like dull achy feeling and that's exactly the feeling I was getting before I got my positive test so just like a very normal feeling for me I was also just like a little bit extra hungry I was a little bit extra tired like just doing my normal routine was a little bit harder just like feeling a little bit sluggish but again that is exactly how I feel in my luteal phase in general so nothing was making me think I was pregnant like nothing at all so those are my symptoms I guess but after I did get the positive test that achy dull crampy feeling did keep going for like so many days which did kind of stress me out at the beginning because I was like Am I supposed to feel crampy?but apparently it's really common which is such a mental battle because Again, I just kept being like I'm gonna wake up and I'm gonna get my period like this is not real It just couldn't compute to my brain that that feeling was a pregnancy symptom instead of a pre -period symptom So it just like it just didn't feel real to me.It still kind of doesn't feel real to me. I'm still getting a couple little aches and dull cramps like very sporadically but it was like consistent for I don't know maybe the firstlike five or six days just like that nothing intense nothing super painful just a bit of an uncomfortable crampy feeling i would say that was like my main symptom that i experienced immediately so obviously like i said i found out at three weeks and five days and that's kind of like all i wrote down for what i felt at that point in time and then jumping into four weeks again i don't have a ton which makes sense still so early on but i wrote down mild cramping consisted but got less and less each day and it was gone by four weeks and four days and then the other thing that i definitely noticed at four weeks was shortness of breath and i still have this and i don't know if you can notice it just like by me chatting but i just cannot seem to catch my breath and that's all i wrote down for four weeks jumping into five weeks which is where i am now i have written down i feel so puffed out after walking the shortest distance but i feel like it's inconsistent like some days it seems more than other I don't know I do have a bit of tenderness in my boobs which again very common I would say the only other thing that I'm definitely feeling right now is just a lot of food does not sound good to me and that does kind of stress me out because I know that I'm so early and I almost just feel like there's a bit of a countdown where it's like what if I'm about to get really nauseous and really sick and I'm about to be stuck on the couch for the next like six weeks and that is a bit of a fear of mine not in terms of throwing up necessarily I don't have a fear of that it's not nice obviously I don't want to be throwing up, but it's not a phobia of mine, which I know it is for a lot of people.But I do just have a lot of fear around just being sick for a real long period of time and not being able to, like, live my life and do my job and all of the things that go along with it.

And I also think the scary part of it is just that you have no idea what sort of a journey you're about to walk into.Being pregnant to me is my dream.I have wanted this for so long, and so I feel incredibly grateful to, like, be living this.I would say out of all of my friends, so many of them have kids, Some of them have two kids, some of them are pregnant right now.And I think one of the benefits ofhaving so many friends that have walked through this journey before me is that I have seen almost like every experience possible.

I've had some friends that have had really difficult, terrible pregnancies with lots of complications, some friends with hyperemesis, some friends with emergency c -section, some friends with preeclampsia, like so many different things, and then I have friends who had really amazing pregnancies, they loved being pregnant, they would do it a hundred a hundred times if they could.They didn't feel any nausea, they didn't throw up, like none of it.And then had textbook births, unmedicated, everything went perfectly.And then I've seen like everything in between.And I think one of the benefits of having that and like seeing that firsthand with the people around me is that I know that it could go any way for me.And I feel like I'm walking in with zero expectations of what I want this to be.

I'm kind of just like, I will be handed an experience and that will be my experience.I don't, not to say I have no control in it, I'm going to do the best I can with the experience that I have.I know that there's a lot that's not in my control and I don't want to cling to any sort of certain ideas and then be really disappointed when things don't go my way.So that's how I'm trying to look.at this journey.But as a very type A person who loves to plan, who loves to prepare, that is really scary to me.

So I have a lot of anxiety in general, I would say, about this pregnancy.I have constant thoughts of something going wrong and something happening to this baby.But I am just trying to have the mentality that God is in control.He will give me what I can handle and he is with me every step of the way and I will just walk through it with him.You know what I mean?Like I have a support system.

I've literally signed up for this.This is exactly what I wanted and it's going to be okay.But in saying all of that, again, I just have no idea how sick I'm gonna be.Maybe I'll not be sick at all, maybe I'll be literally on my deathbed.I guess we'll find out in this vlog.But right now I'm five weeks and I'm definitely starting to feel like food aversions.

I feel like there's this, I almost don't want to say it because I don't want to like speak it into existence, but I feel like there's this little feeling of nausea that's been sitting at the back of my throat almost.for the past like maybe three or four days.And each day it kind of gets a little bit worse and I'm really scared for how bad it's gonna be.But right now, especially the last like two days, nothing sounds good to me.No food sounds good except for dinner.Dinner weirdly sounds amazing and like I've been eating like big portions of a meal at dinner, but nothing else sounds good to me, but especially breakfast.

Breakfast is so bad.I would say specifically things that sound really bad to me right now is anything out of the fridge, anything cold, anything sweet.Yeah, mostly cold sweet.That just sounds really bad to me.Also like sandwiches, wraps, salads.it sounds so bad to me and those things I normally love.

I just ate some cruskets with butter and Vegemite and I don't think I've had Vegemite in like literally 20 years since I was a child but the idea of that like saltiness sounded so good to me so I ate like four cruskets with butter and Vegemite and that was like okay but not even like good.Anything like warm and hearty sounds really good like especially a pub meal like a parmigiana and hot chips.That sounds incredible.And then the other thing I've been really loving the sound of is chicken twisties, which is like so random.And I like chicken twisties.I always have, but it's not something I eat regularly at all.

Like very occasionally do I have chicken twisties or just like any sort of chips or like crisp kind of thing.Like I'm just not really someone who usually gravitates towards that sort of stuff.But I have had like two packs in the last week because they just sounded so good.So good, so that's kind of where I'm at right now.I haven't had any appointments or scans or anything like that obviously I'm very early I have my GP appointment just to confirm the pregnancy very soon So I'll probably check in with you guys when I have that I don't think I'll be sharing my due date exactly I've heard a lot of people share theirs and then regret sharing it so I think I'm just gonna not share that exactly but I will say that we are having aa summer baby, which I'm so excited about.

I would have been excited, honestly, no matter when, but I love summer.So I think it's just gonna be such a happy time of year.And I'm just, yeah, I'm so excited.I also feel really nervous about, like I said, what I'm about to walk into.I just have no idea what it's gonna be like, but right now I feel good, but I guess you guys will see.what this journey will be like.

I just got out of my GP appointment which was just to confirm my pregnancy and tell me why like getting an official confirmation just is so exciting and so happy and it's also so fun because the last few times I've seen my GP we have just been trying to get pregnant and just doing blood tests and different things to like work out that everything is okay and so when I walked in she was like so what brings you in today and I was like I'm pregnant." And she's like, I thought that might be the case and she was so excited for me, which is, I don't know, that's so nice.And we also did a urine test and the lady who checked that for me, she was like, it's definitely positive.And I was like, Nice.Again, just like feels so nice to get that confirmation from someone else, apart from a little stick that you buy from the supermarket.But before I can get my official referral, I need to also get a blood test.

So I'm considering if I should just go right now.Like, I may as well.So I might go do that now.Hopefully I've had enough water and they can find my veins.Because I feel like I haven't.So, that's good.

Unfortunately, that is probably the worst blood test I've ever had.Which is good.Um, nah, it wasn't that bad to be fair, but I did feel really bad.Guess I didn't drink enough water.Which, so my fault.Like, I'm, I, I know it's my fault.

I just didn't think it through.Anyway, we got there in the end, got the blood we needed, and now we're moving on, but that was not very fun.I just got home, and I don't know if this sounds silly, but I was like, I should give you guys a bump update.

It's obviously not really a bump.It's more of a starting point, but...

I can't believe there's a baby in there.I am also really intrigued to see how quickly I feel like I've got a bump.

I genuinely can't even imagine what I'm gonna look like, like fully pregnant, but...guess we'll find out.Crazy.Welcome to my new morning routine.Eating my cracker, fasting in the morning, making a ginger tea to try and help with the nausea.So the next part of my morning routine is I come and sit on the couch with my tea because I can't drink coffee anymore.

It sounds disgusting to me, by the way.Today I am six weeks and four days.Three days.Four days.Six weeks and four days.And pretty much for the last week, so like the last seven days, I would say things have just gone downhill.

I'll give you a proper update later, but right now I need to really focus on just trying not to throw up, so.But yeah, I sit here with my tea, my ginger tea, and I sit here for the next hour and I try not to throw up.Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, but it seems like the less I move, the better.I feel the worst when I'm standing up and like doing things.If I'm sitting down or laying down, it's the most manageable, so.That's where we're at right now.

It's quite a bit later in the day now, but I wanted to sit down and give a bit more of an update I guess.I'm sitting in bed right now.It is like 3 p .m.And I will say that I do find the mornings the hardest and I do tend to get slightly better in the afternoons.I think my best hours tend to be from like 4 till 7 30 p .

m.But yeah, I feel like it starts off the worst, the most nauseous, the most like i'm gonna throw up any second and then it gets a little bit easier as the day goes on however i get more tired as the day goes on let me open my notes because obviously i've been keeping notes of different symptoms and things last time i talked to you i was in my fifth week but like towards the start of the fifth week but i've written down here when i hit five weeks and four days that was my first like big nauseous day it wasn't the whole day but on that particular day i started feeling nauseous and then i would like feel a littleand then more nauseous and then less nauseous and I tried to go out and run some errands and I was in TK Maxx and I was just like looking around and I was there for like 10 minutes and that was like the first of my errands that I wanted to run.I had like three places I wanted to go to and I was there for like 10 minutes and I just all of a sudden felt like I was gonna be sick so I like ran to the public bathrooms in the shopping center and I just like sat in the cubicle for like 15 minutes feeling so ill and like awful and I thought it passed so I was like okay I'll try and continue doing my errands and I got in my car to drive to the next place and like two seconds into the drive I was like I can't do this so I just drove home and I ended up spending the rest of the day on the couch And I would say that was my first like bad day where I was just like oh Like the nausea has hit which I was like not expecting at all I really didn't think the nausea was gonna hit till like seven or eight weeks.I don't know why maybe that's just cuz that's what's happened for my friends But like five but I would say for the rest of my fifth week I was just so nauseous all day every day Like I think since probably five weeks and five days the nausea has been constant like I don't I don't remember a moment where I haven't felt nauseous except when I'm sleeping.But the level of nausea has been different.

So like I would say I have like two tiers of nausea.One is like a low tier where it's like I feel nauseous and it feels like the nausea is sitting like at the back of my throat if I could explain it.Like I don't know the best way to explain it but that's how I would try to.Like it's just like sitting there.It's lurking.I can feel it at all times but it's not like I'm gonna be sick any second.

And then I have my like high level of nausea and that's the one.that I usually have pretty much as soon as I wake up in the morning and probably for the first like two hours of my day where I'm just like any second I could vom.Any second.And that high level does come back throughout the day, but it comes and goes.And that low level of nausea, whilst I hated it at the beginning, I have definitely learned over time.week that it is manageable.

Like, I can live with it, I can do what I need to do.It's not nice, but I can deal with it.cope with it.I definitely feel like super low energy all the time and I'm even in my videos I'm trying to film and things I'm just like I'm coming across so like monotone and like I don't know like not sad but just like I don't seem like myself but I literally just don't have the energy.I've taken multiple naps not every day I try not to take a nap if I'm trying to be honest but I think I don't know I feel like the fatigue might get worse.And sometimes the fatigue is not even like sleepy, like not like I want to fall asleep, but it's just like my body feels so heavy, like the idea of getting off the couch just feels so difficult.

But I also wrote down in my notes, when I hit five weeks and six days, that was the first time I threw up, which is awesome.Again, it is so not nice, but I just know it could be so much worse.And like with the level I'm at right now, I think I can handle it.I did literally cry like two nights ago because I was just feeling so sick.So.Maybe I shouldn't say that, but like right in this second, I feel like I can handle it.

And just some other symptoms that I've definitely had is headaches, not consistently, just sometimes.But part of me is also thinking if that could be a bit of a coffee withdrawal situation, because I haven't had any headaches the last couple days.So maybe it was just like weaning off coffee, like the caffeine withdrawal.Apart from that, I definitely get a really gurgly tummy, definitely a bit constipated, which is not fun because I'm so bloated and I know it's not a bump.Like it's way too early for that.for it to be a bump but I feel like I have a bump because I'm just so bloated I also get heartburn so not fun and again in my notes I've just written down I just never feel good which is so true I just never feel good I'm always nauseous often fatigued and usually something else I can't believe that I have another like six weeks of this maybe maybe not

maybe less I do feel like I'm getting better at like coping with it and Understanding it and like noticing patterns.So like waking up and eating crackers straight away that has been helpful I don't know if the ginger tea is doing anything but I'm just like trying to see if it does anything and honestly just like leaving the house in general is just really hard and I feel like I just sound like such a baby and I also know how privileged I am to be able to work from home as well like I'm so privileged like I just want to acknowledge that like I'm so aware I think the worst thing is that I just do not feel like myself at all I was trying to say to Liam the other day I was like I feel like I've woken up and someone has given me a body transplant, not in the way that I look, but it feels like someone has put my brain and the way I look, but into a totally different inside in terms of like how my body feels on the inside like I've just felt so many things that I have like never felt before or I'm like doing things that I've never done before or like haven't done in years like not drinking coffee or like the types of foods that I'm eating or I have to eat like every single hour so that I don't feel nauseous and I'm like not a snacker at all and so I've just become a snacker which just feels really unlike me taking naps I could not tell you the last time I took a nap I don't take naps even when I'm sick or even when I'm jet lagged like I swear it's been over five years since I've taken a nap and then I've taken like three in the past week I just feel like a completely different person and I also cried in the car the other day we were coming home from hanging out with some family and I just started crying in the car and Liam was like what's wrong and I was like I just feel so guilty because this is exactly what I wanted, exactly what I signed up for, exactly what I've been praying for.And now I've got it and I'm complaining about it and that just makes me feel so guilty because I know how many people out there aredreaming of being where I am right now and I'm sitting here complaining about it and that Because it just feels so wrong to be speaking so negatively about something that I was so excited about and I am still excited I think but it is harder than I thought it was gonna be But I wouldn't say I'm having a good time right now.I'm hoping I have a more positive things to say soon, and maybe I'll feel more like myself again soon.But right now, I just don't feel good.

We are on our way to our first ever scan.This is my seven week scan, and I'm so nervous, but I'm so excited.Obviously this will be our first chance to see our baby, I guess.I mean, it won't look like much of a baby yet, but I am just hoping everything is good.Liam's coming with me as well, which I'm so grateful for, because I would not like to be doing this by myself.I've never had an ultrasound before, so Feeling a bit nervous.

Have no idea what to expect.But I think after today, hopefully I'll feel quite reassured.So, I wonder if we'll get a little picture.Oh, and I guess we'll find out if it's twins or not.That's the other thing.Pardon?

Maybe.Maybe.Liam was doing some research and he was like, sometimes you can't see twins in the first scan because they're hiding.So I guess we will see.I'm like trying to mentally prepare myself that if they tell us it's twins, that will be okay.But we are both a bit nervous if that's the case.

We don't have any twins in our family.So we'd be like shocked if that was the case, but could happen.

I didn't film anything in there.I wasn't allowed to but I also don't know if I would have anyway.Everything was good.I feel like I have a weight lifted off my shoulders.I didn't like I knew I was anxious to know if everything was gonna be good but I don't think I realized how anxious I was until we got told everything looks good everything looks fine because the relief that I feel now is just next level it's just so crazy because you just have no idea until this point like what is happening inside your body so to get any sort of insight is just the most reassuring thing we also didn't get any like images or photos to take home which i kind of was expecting they said that they got rid of all their printers a while back and i had heard that from other people so i was kind of expecting that but they did say that we'll get sent them digitally i just haven't got them yet but we should get those over the next couple days but there is just one baby which is good we got the heart rate which was 155 beats per minute.Date -wise, the baby is measuring exactly where we thought it should be.

So my due date is remaining the same, which is great.But yeah, I feel like those are the main points.We ended up doing just like a normal ultrasound as well as a transvaginal ultrasound.But yeah, I did do the optional transvaginal ultrasound because he was like, oh, you'll be able to see all of these like extra things.And I was like, I want to see all those extra things.Like I just wanted any and all information that I could get.

So when he offered that, I was like, yeah, let's do it.He also was able to tell me which side, like which ovary I ovulated from which was crazy I didn't know that was a thing and we also just got a much better view of the baby doing the transvaginal ultrasound I'm not sure if that's everyone's experience or if it depends on how you're babysitting or your body or whatever but I'm so glad that we did the transvaginal because we got to see so much more.But overall, it was just such a good experience.I'm so glad that Liam came with me because that made me so much less nervous and stressed.But yeah, I'm just feeling so good.And there is a part of me that feels like I can really get excited now, which, well, first of all, I know there's no safe point in pregnancy at all.

I know that technically 12 weeks is like the classic.That's when you can really start to get excited or people often wait until that point.to tell people because it's more of a safe But I think even up until this point, I just wasn't letting myself really hold on to anything or like get attached to anything too much, which in hindsight, I wish I had let myself get more excited because I think that baby deserves for you to acknowledge it and get excited for it, you know?But yeah, I was just so worried and nervous that I just like didn't want to get my hopes up.But I feel like now I just feel so much better, so much more relieved, so much more like I'm actually pregnant.and there's a baby inside of me.

Obviously, like I said, I know there's no safe point in pregnancy.There's always a chance that things can go wrong, but I also want to celebrate this baby right now and not just like live in fear.So...I just feel so good.

It's also so nice, I think, because I've just been feeling so awful.

It was just really nice to have something to look forward to, and this scan was such a nice thing to look forward to, and, like, knowing that we get to not meet our baby, I guess, but, like, see our baby for the first time.I was just, like, I was really nervous, but it was so nice to have something to, like, hold on to in the near future, because obviously this is such a long journey, and if I let myself think about, like, 40 weeks, That's just so much time.So being like, okay, at seven weeks we have a scan, it was just so nice to be like, okay, yes, I feel really awful right now, but I have this to look forward to really soon.And now that we're past this, I can look forward to my first midwife appointment or finding out the gender or anything like that.Like it's nice to just have smaller milestones to look forward to, especially while I'm in the thick of just like nausea and just not feeling great.But anyway, there's the updates for you guys.

I am eight weeks today.

Which is so exciting.My baby is the size of a raspberry today.Or like this week.However...It's like 3pm and...is what most of my days look like honestly and I'm very grateful that they can look like this but I am just so over it it's kind of been this way for like three ish weeks now and I'm just like wow I probably still have so much longer of this to go I mean who knows I could be sick for three more days three more weeks three more months like I have no idea but the nausea is just Something else. I

I definitely have also been hit with the classic first trimester fatigue, which that was one that I was like, surely I can't escape that.I feel like every pregnant person I know has been super fatigued in the first trimester.So I was definitely expecting that.So that's not super surprising, but it's definitely like, wow.Why is it so hard to do absolutely anything, especially the combination of the nausea and fatigue?I will say I would take fatigue over nausea any day.

Like, being nauseous is just probably one of my least favorite feelings ever.And I think it's also, I am just about to complain here for a while, so sorry.But I feel like it's just how relentless and how constant the nausea is.The absolute only thing that I have found that works for me to combat the nausea is just eating constantly.And it doesn't necessarily take away the nausea, it just makes it somewhat manageable like if I'm not eating every single hour I am throwing up or I'm on the verge of throwing up or I'm lightheaded or I'm just not doing well at all but also because of the nausea like nothing sounds good to me like no food sounds good there are definitely things that sound better than others or like things that I can stomach versus some things that I literally cannot stomach but nothing sounds good so I'm not enjoying anything I'm eating and I'm just so sick of eating for the sake of eatingAnd also just like this, I don't know if this will make sense to anyone who hasn't experienced it.

Cause I don't think it would have made sense to me before I've now experienced it.But I think it's like the mental load of nausea and combating nausea and like trying not to feel nauseous.I think just because I hate feeling nauseous so much, I'm constantly thinking about how I can possibly not feel nauseous.and obviously for me that's eating and so i'm constantly like okay like what's what time is it when did i eat last when when do i have to eat next what have i got to eat what can i stomach right now and it's just so much thought about food, like so much food noise but in a totally new way and I've just never experienced that before.I'm never hungry, the only reason I know I need to eat is because of the nausea and it's also just starting to cause me a bit of anxiety in terms of leaving the house which I didn't expect because like it's all well and good to be, well it's not even all well and good to be sitting at home and then needing to eat all the time because if i'm laying on the couch just feeling dead and so nauseous like i'm gonna throw up the last thing i want to do is get up and try and find a snack or make a snack i mean i've got like things that i can just grab and go like bags of popcorn and crackers and things like that but even just getting off the couch just feel oh i just feel like i'm a crazy person but even getting off the couch just feels like the hardest thing and I'm like home alone all the time like Liam's not here to get like if he was here I obviously could ask him to get me food and he would without complaint I know he would but like I'm most of the time it's just me so being at home is doable it's manageable because obviously I already have food here but then when it comes to leaving the house it's just this whole separate thing I'm like packing snacks in every single purse or every single bag.If I need to leave the house for more than a few hours, I'm packing like a whole lunchbox full of snacks.

And I think the other tricky thing is I still haven't told like anyone apart from my few close friends.And so if I'm hanging out with anyone else, they don't know that I need to eat all the time.And it would just look weird if I'm just eating crackers all the time.So I'm trying to hang out with people in a way where I can eat something during the, like I'm thinking ahead being like, how am I gonna eat every hour?

And like, how can I do that without it looking suspicious?

And honestly, obviously at this point maybe I should just tell them that I'm pregnant but it just makes me not want to leave the house and it's like that with just any other social thing that I do.I'm like so scared to go to any other social event because I'm scared I'm not gonna be able to eat and then I'm just gonna feel really really sick and I'm gonna either throw up or I'm gonna feel lightheaded or whatever and it's just causing me a lot of stress but I also just don't want to say no to events I don't know it's just it feels like such a dumb thing to complain about I feel like I'm being so silly but I have just never felt this level of sickness before in this way and just the constant constant nausea the only time i'm not nauseous is when i'm asleep and so it just makes me just want to literally sleep the days away which i'm not doing but it makes me want to just like wish all of this time away because i just feel so miserable if i'm being honest like i am so grateful to be pregnant obviously i've said that so many times and especially after the scan that we had the other day i definitely feel more excited now and more like okay this is actually happening and like there's a baby in my belly rather than just like of what could happen, like I feel like I've got a bit of excitement and hope now, which is great, but I just, I'm not enjoying it at all, which is really hard to admit because I've looked forward to being pregnant for so long and now I just feel like I'm complaining all the time and I just don't feel like myself at all and I just almost want this part to be over, which I'm finding really hard because, again, I just wished for this season ofso long and prayed for this season for so long and now I'm in it and I'm just miserable and I just feel so guilty again I know I have so much of pregnancy still left to go and hopefully I'll feel better soon and I'll be able to really enjoy it and make the most of it and I also feel guilty because I'm just like not even that sick like I just know so many more people who are so much more sick than I am and I'm still complaining so much I'm finding that really hard too because I'm just like I don't feel like I deserve to feel so sorry for myself when there are people out here with like hyperemesis and like so many more complications and just experiencing such a worse time than I am.So there's my thoughts for today.I'm just really struggling and I feel like I'm just missing out on so much of my life right now because I just cannot get off the couch.

It's like like when she was young she like...

Please keep this for your first trimester vlog.You're doing so good.Can I get you anything?No, I'm I'm literally fine.I just need a second I've just gotten to the part of my day that I dread maybe the most I don't know actually maybe depends on the day I wake up at 6 every day come downstairs Have my ginger tea have my cracker sit on the couch, which is where I'm at It's now 7 and now I know I need to get up and make myself just some toast just some toast nothing crazy but if I don'tget up and make myself some toast I may throw up but getting up and making the toast also may make me throw up and this is the gamble I have to face every day opening the fridge and getting the stuff out of the fridge is is the worst part I'm so scared of my fridge but I can feel myself getting really nauseous so I know I need to eat and if Liam was home he would do this for me but he's already left for work so like This is just not something that he can help with.

Even just standing up.I don't want to do it, but I need to.Oh my gosh.Okay, we're doing it, we're doing it, we're doing it.

Freezer's not too bad.

Here we go.I'm gonna hold my breath.I can still smell the residual fridge smell.There's not even anything bad in the fridge.It's just the fridge.After I eat this toast, I'll be fine.

I also feel like I just need to move in slow motion.Any sudden movements.it'll go downhill we're just doing what we can aren't we but we're definitely not at the point where i can be having like actually something nutritious oh i wish i was because i know i'm you know just like not getting so many benefits that i probably should be getting like eggs on toast that would be idealif I could stomach it, but I just, I can't right now.I do tend to feel better throughout the day.Like this is the worst part of my day.

So I try to get some more nutrients in my later meals, like some more protein and things like that.Breakfast is just not a battle I'm willing to fight right now.Like pick your battles in pregnancy.That is definitely something I've learned.had to learn the hard way a lot of the time.And right now, breakfast is not a battle that I'm willing to fight.

Actually, while we're at it, shall we talk about food?Oh, should I talk about food aversions?Is that unhelpful right now?Yeah, we'll have a go.I would say I haven't really had any specific cravings.because most things just sound bad to me but there are some things that i just like can stomach better than others or like sound better to me than others but i wouldn't say i have like cravings but my biggest food aversions right now eggs are probably one of my biggest one yogurt bone broth anything just like smooshy like cottage cheese cream cheese even like anything milky is a bit i'm a bit unsure about it i was trying to have like Protein shakes and things but I just find that really hard because of the milk situation So those are maybe my main ones, but I kind of you know get new ones I think anything if I eat it and then I throw up I can't have that anymore and that's what happened with like the yogurt with the bone broth with the eggs like I can't have something that I've thrown up afterwards having if that makes sense So like we get some new ones every now and then but my favorite things toast I've eaten so much toast over the past however many weeks.

Crackers, chips, um, I love fruit.That's like the one sweet thing that I've been wanting.Oh, I have to put this back in the fridge.Okay, here we go.Oh, why does it linger?Okay, I'm gonna go eat my toast now.

Oh my gosh.I didn't expect the flash to be that bright.It's 2 p .m.I'm in bed.This is a regular occurrence, unfortunately.

I'm just so exhausted.I just keep thinking to myself, how do people do this with a toddler?I'm just so tired.I just arrived to an acupuncture appointment, but I'm a little bit early, so I thought I could sit and update you guys.I feel like the last time I updated you, I may, I don't remember, but I'm currently nine weeks and I thought I would give you like symptom updates and how I've been feeling.I'm still very nauseous all day, every day.

I'm still also very, very tired, just like so fatigued.I've never felt this kind of tiredness I feel like in my life, maybe I have, but just not for this amount of time.But I'm just so tired all the time.I just feel like I could take a nap every day.I haven't been taking a nap every day, but usually like a few times a week I will.And the days that I'm not taking a nap, it's just usually because I like can't fit it into my day.

Or some days I do try and like lay down to have a nap and I just can't fall asleep.I'm not like very good at napping in general.I've never been able to be someone who naps.So even taking a couple naps each week is like huge for me. very different.I don't know if I've talked about this yet but it is definitely something I've been like dealing with the whole time.My skin hates me.

It hates me and it's so frustrating because I'm someone who has dealt with adult acne.I think since I was 19, 18, 19 is when it really started and it is so much better than it was when I was 19.Thankfully like it was like really bad.And yeah, it's not nearly that bad now, but I feel like right before I got pregnant I was at such a good point with my skin.I knew which foods would trigger my acne.I had a skin

routine that I felt like worked.I was drinking so much water and like, I just felt like my skin was doing pretty well.Like it's never been perfect.I always have some sort of breakout, but I just feel like it was pretty good for me.And then I would say ever since like six weeks.i've just had such bad skin and just so many breakouts and i don't even think it's like what i'm eating because at first i was like oh maybe it's just because i'm eating weird foods because i can only eat what sounds good and not that many things sound good to me but i wasn't eating any of the foods that i know trigger my acne honestly just because they didn't sound good to me. I genuinely think it's just like all of the hormones obviously and I was breaking out or I have been breaking out in like such random places on my face that I've not really had breakouts before so that's been really fun.

I feel like I've heard so many people say that pregnancy is what cured their skin or cured their acne like they used to have acne and then they got pregnant and then they had like a pregnancy glow and it was just like the best their skin has ever been.At least for me that's not true so far so...That's, that's good.Like I said, I have still been nauseous all day, every day, but I do feel like I'm getting better at understanding my nausea and like finding ways that help it.Again, I'm never not nauseous completely.Like I always have some sort of underlying like level of nausea.

It's just kind of like what level that is at.Like for me, honestly, the biggest thing is just eating.I need to eat every hour on the hour.And if I don't, I'm done.And it's really hard for me as well because if I don't eat every hour, the idea of eating just sounds like even worse to me.Like as soon as I get that like higher level of nausea, I don't want to eat a single thing.

My camera just ran out of space.But as I was saying, I don't want to eat, but eating is the only thing that makes me feel somewhat better.But then whilst I'm trying to eat to feel better, it literally makes me want to throw up.So it's just preventative measures.Just snacking all the time.If I leave the house, this is what I'm leaving the house with like today.

If I'm going to be out of the house for more than a week,hour, I'm taking my lunchbox with me full of snacks, like full of snacks.Like I cannot be anywhere without food.And if I'm only going out for a short period of time, I'm just carrying around snacks in my handbag, but like, I can't be anywhere without snacks.And lastly, I think the biggest difference that I've had this week in my like ninth week is I feel like I've just had a mindset shift.I, like I said, I had a bit of a crash out like a week or two ago where I was just like, I just feel so awful all the time and I just like want this to be over so badly and I feel like this week I just I had a conversation with some friends of mine who actually don't know that I'm pregnant But they have all been pregnant before they all have kids and they were talking about their own pregnancy Journeys, I guess again, they have no idea that I'm pregnant but they were talking about it and I was just listening and it just kind of gave me this like a bit of a What's the word not a slap in the face?

but just a bit of a wake -up call almost like this is just what pregnancy is and and this is just what my pregnancy looks like and it will be over soon.And this like nausea and all of these things, it's temporary.That's just the reality of the situation.So just like buckle up and get over it.And again, it doesn't mean I feel better since having that mindset shift.Like I still feel literally just as nauseous, just as tired, just as awful.

But I think I just personally needed that just to be like, it is what it is, surrender to it and allow it to be what it's gonna be.It's out of your control, just let it go.And I think since having that, I've honestly been enjoying my life so much more because I'm just like, well, this is just what it is and it's temporary and that's okay.This is what today looks like.It's out of my control.I'm doing the best I can, honestly.

But if the best I can means taking a nap at 2pm, that's okay.I've been talking for way too long.I need to stop talking and go to my appointment.But those are my updates for nine weeks, honestly.Probably the best I've felt in a while, maybe purely because of the mindset shift, but hopefully we're on the way up.I feel like we are.

I don't want to jinx it, but I feel like I might be on the way up.Good morning guys, I'm late.halfway through getting ready and I was like I should vlog.Today is a really exciting day, a little bit nervous.I have another scan today.This is my early anatomy scan.

So I think baby will be really looking like a baby today, like a head and a body and arms and legs.I'm so excited to see them but also just nervous because there's always just the chance that there can be bad news.And it's hard to like mentally prepare yourself to have like the most exciting thing and like seeing your baby whilst also being prepared.There could be bad news, but George is coming with me today and I'm so so thankful.Liam wasn't able to come.I feel like I'm like out of breath because I'm a bit like stressed, a bit nervous.

So I feel like my heart is racing, but I'm fine.Liam wasn't able to come with me to this scan.He just has to work, which is so understandable.He's come to everything until this point.But when I realized he wouldn't be able to come to this one, I messaged G and I was like, any chance you want to come meet my baby and of course she was like absolutely she's one of those people that i know would just drop absolutely anything to help me and i'm just i have a few friends like that and i'm so so thankful obviously i could just go by myself but i think that's just It's just really nice to have someone who's like a safe person to you to come with you to these things if you can.So I'm very thankful that she's coming.

She's very much a safe person to me. I don't know how much we'll be able to film.I don't even know if we'll get any like pictures today because I've had a few friends say they didn't get any pictures at all throughout their whole pregnancy, which is crazy.And I'm also going to a new scan place today that I haven't been to before, which will be like where I go from now on.So that's a bit nerve wracking as well, just like knowing where to go, where to park, how to get there.Is everyone going to be nice?get nervous about stuff like that but it's all gonna be good let's go see my baby i totally forgot to update you guys earlier but the scan went so well there's actually nothing better than seeing your baby on a scan especially at this point

where I can't, like, feel any kicks or movement.I have no idea what's going on in there.And so being able to see my baby on a screen, jumping around, it's the best.Like, I could cry just thinking about it.It was so crazy to see the baby move and, like, just bounce around.Every time the baby would, like, make a sudden movement, George and I would just, like, look at each other and be like, Look at that!

So it was just the most surreal experience.That skin was just...I wouldn't say it's more exciting than the first one because the first one is like, oh my gosh, I have a baby inside my tummy.Like that is the craziest feeling ever, just having that confirmation and knowing there is like a heartbeat inside of you is crazy.But this time, just like seeing a baby that actually looks like a baby and has limbs and a head and a spine and kidneys.Crazy!

And we got some pictures, which I was not sure if we were going to get.Oh my gosh, like that's my baby.I can't believe it.It makes me want to cry just looking at them because I just love them so much.I'm so biased, but this is the cutest baby I've ever seen.

Today is a really fun day.We are taking our announcement photos today, which is so crazy.We're not announcing like today or anything, but I don't know, it's just little things like this that make it feel so much more real.And I think now that I'm just not feeling sick, 24 -7 these moments just mean so much more like I'm able to actually like be present Because I just feel like so much of my first trimester I would truly truly was in survival mode just even mentally and I just there were so many moments that I don't feel like I actually got to experience or be present for because I just Felt so unwell.Put you guys down here.And I feel like this is one of those moments where I'm like, okay, I'm officially, officially out of that first trimester.

I don't know why, but in my brain, like, this is, like, the last part.Like, taking these photos is like, okay, first trimester done.I'm wearing this dress that I have.Ignore the washing on the dining table that I need to put away.I'm wearing this beautiful dress that I've actually had in my wardrobe for years.but it's one of my favorite dresses.

I've worn it a few times, but not a ton because I kind of like to save it for special occasions.But it's a dress from Dish.Again, I got it years ago.I don't think they sell it anymore.My bum's not very big today.I feel like every day it's a little bit different, just depending on how bloated I am.

And my sweet friend Jess is taking our photos for us.She's a photographer.I'll link her down below.I'm not sure if her books are open just right now because she's on maternity leave.

So I'm very, very, very thankful that she offered to take these photos.for us but I will leave her link down below if you've got a wedding or an engagement shoot or anything coming up where you need a photographer because she is just incredible at what she does and also it was supposed to rain all day today and even this morning when I was looking at the weather it said it was gonna rain this afternoon and it is like perfectly blue skies so I'm very thankful for that we're not taking the photos until like it'll be kind of golden hour and these will also be our first professional photos and since our wedding photos five years ago.I was really meaning to get some other just nice couple photos before this point, but I just didn't.I also have a stain on this dress, and I'm really hoping it won't come up in photos, because I did not realize there was a stain on it until today, because the last time I wore this was like maybe a year ago or something.And the dress is a little tighter than I'm used to, especially around here.Everything's a bit too small around there at the moment, but that makes sense.

That's just how it works.But I'm really excited.I think it'll be a really fun afternoon.truly out of my first trimester and if I'm being totally honest I'm so glad that's over.For a lot of my first trimester as you guys saw in this video, I felt really guilty for not enjoying pregnancy.I thought that because I felt so miserable and so sick and so sad that it meant I couldn't also

grateful.And I think I have learned a lot mentally throughout this entire experience.And I think one of the things is you can feel miserable and you can want that season to be over whilst still feeling extremely grateful to be pregnant.I remember just thinking to myself so many times, how do people say they love pregnancy?This makes zero sense to me.Like all I've had is anxiety, sickness, Nausea fatigue like bad things like my experience has been Overall just negative apart from the scans and apart from telling people that I was pregnant I did not enjoy a single second of my first trimester.

I was nauseous and sick from five weeks Consistently until 12 weeks.I feel like 12 weeks is where things started like lightening for me But it was really rough from week 5 to week 12 and that's a really long time and in saying that I know a lot of people are sick the entire way through their pregnancy like I mentioned I've had friends with hyperemesis pregnancies and I do not have that I was not as sick as so many other people are and so I'm really grateful for that but like it's still a long time to feel really awful just all day every day you feel awful Awful, and I think what I've realized is that it is okay to say that you don't enjoy pregnancy It doesn't mean that you're gonna be a bad parent It doesn't mean that you won't enjoy motherhood and there were so many times where I debated whether I should be filming this vlog whether I should be sharing my thoughts cuz I was like this is not gonna be fun for people to watch this is not gonna be enjoyable like I don't really want to just be sitting and complaining on the internet for like a so long.But something I remembered is that these videos, the people who had a rough first trimester and filmed themselves in the trenches, filmed themselves just having a rough time, those videos were so helpful to me and so validating to me.So whilst part of me comes on here and is like, I'm so sorry, I just complained for so long, and I hope you guys do know that I am so grateful to be in this position, I also just really appreciatethe people who were real and who validated me by being honest.And so I just wanted to just - I just wanted to share it exactly how I felt it.

You know, like the clips speak for themselves.And I also want to say if you had a really great first trimester experience, your experience is still valid.Like, I think every pregnancy experience deserves to be shared.and felt and validated and so I just wanted to share my experience in case it literally helps one person like if there is one person out there that is watching this from the trenches and it's just like It's so nice that I'm not alone because when you're in the first trimester, when you're just laying on the couch or you're laying in your bed and you can't get up and you can't eat and you just feel so so awful and tired and all the things, it's really nice to turn on someone else's pregnancy vlog where they're experiencing the same thing and feel like you're not doing it alone.So that is why I'm sharing this even though it's not the most positive experience.But I also want to say if you're watching this from the depths of the first trimester, I promise it will end.

Even if you're someone who feels throughout your entire pregnancy, it will end.I've heard so many stories of women who were nauseous and sick all the way up until they gave birth and the moment they gave birth, they said they felt like relief and they didn't feel nauseous anymore.And so no matter when the nausea ends or when the sickness ends, it will end.

Like I said, I feel like my nausea kind of started leaving around the 12 -week mark and genuinely each day I would wake up and just feel a little bit more like myself from that point.

And I remember just waking up one day and feeling feeling like a fog had lifted off me and I felt like I was in my own body again.I felt like it was just my own brain again that wasn't just so negative and sad and miserable.And I remember just thinking, oh my gosh, I'm back.Like I am back.I don't know where I've been, but I've not been here.And now I haven't been sick in like a week and a half.

I am still nauseous at times.I am occasionally throwing up, but it's nothing serious.to what it was in that first trimester and for that I I am so thankful.And I think the other thing I wanted to mention and something that I just wasn't expecting about the first trimester was just how much of a mental battle it is. I personally had so much anxiety about things going wrong or getting some sort of bad news like medically and then there's the mental battle of just getting out of bed every morning when you feel so incredibly sick because you don't look sick but you feel awful every single day and you still have to like show up to all the things that you're showing up to because no one really knows but you just feel like garbage.and you just don't feel like yourself at all.And I think the other contributing factor is that you don't know when it will end.

You don't know when you're gonna feel better, and so you're just in this like limbo phase.Like I think if I went in being like, I know I'm gonna feel better by this date, there would be like some sort of like end date that you could focus on, that you could be like, yes, I just need to look forward to that.I can make it through a certain amount of weeks, whatever it is.But just not knowing when you're gonna feel better is so hard.draining and again i know i'm in a really privileged position because i work from home i work for myself i spent a lot of days in bed and on the couch and i have a really supportive partner who did so much like quite literally kept our house running i did not clean i barely cooked i didn't grocery shop like liam did Everything so I was in like the best -case scenario, and I still found it really really mentally challenging But anyway, I'm going to end this video here I know it was chatty and raw and very negative a lot of the time So I'm so sorry that that was the case but like I said if one person feels somewhat validated or just less alone from watching this video, it will have accomplished its job.So I am so grateful to be out of that season and to have a healthy baby on the way.

And I'm excited to share hopefully some more positive parts of my pregnancy journey in the future.But I love you guys and I'll see you in the next one.Goodbye.