Jim Davidson: Norfolk Erupts Over Asylum Seeker Plans

I'm sorry to say that, but that's the f***ing danger that we're having.

We don't know these people.Welcome back, my friends, to the show that never ends.But it is ended now because this f***ing clicker doesn't work.Welcome back, my friends, to the show that never ends.And I'm sorry I'm looking a little bit disheveled.I'm on the broken heart diet.

But yes, this is a show that never ends, although it nearly ended today because I couldn't get back this morning from Guernsey.Normally, you have to be a little careful there because of the Ferg.They have a lot of Ferg.But I thought they were going to cancel the flight today.We all sat there in that little hut masquerading as a as a terminal and to be fair they're actually building it all up and I love Guernsey and the people from Guernsey.So and then we're waiting on that little plane from a rig origini origini origami origami Airlines that made it out of paper.

It's a little far -ass playing with propellers I remember when I was in the PA business, you know the PA systems as opposed to PA the personal assistant We were touring Chuck Berry and he wouldn't get on a plane in Glasgow to fly to Inverness.He said I ain't getting on that man.That's got propellers We've moved on from that in America.We got jets and everything He wouldn't get on it.No, we had to drive him there.It was a frigging nightmare.

Anyway, anyway, anyway.So we're in there waiting for that little plane on Origany, Origany Airlines.And they said, oh, excuse me.Hello, this is the people speaking.We are a person on the tannoy.We're going to be delayed half an hour because there's sickness in the crew.

We all thought, fuck that.I'm not getting on.It's like an airplane.All we have to do is find the person that didn't have fish for dinner.Dun -dun -dun Yeah, it wasn't it.So we all thought oh fuck over.

It's not the pilot.Anyway, we sat there and Got on board half an hour afterwards sat on this little plane jammedLuckily, I was sitting in front of a lovely family that had a small baby in arms and one of about 18 months that was kicking the chair and screaming its head off.And I always think that the poor old mum and dad, you know, but I do think they're a little bit like women that like to hear their dogs barking and getting on your fucking nerves, don't they?Yeah, the other night I was in, the other afternoon I was in Banana Wharf down here, around the corner, Banana Wharf in Hamble.And a dog was barking its head off, so I said to her, hands up, who'd like that dog killed?

And the woman who had the dog got up and stormed off.I had to go and apologise to her, to her husband, who was French.And I said, don't worry, I'll make it up to you.We'll dump some, some illegal immigrants back on your beach.Anyway, the plane was delayed.But when we got on there, The pilot said to the captain speaking, they speak like that, the captain's speaking, sorry we're a little bit delayed, sorry we'll try and catch up on the way back but the plane was, it was very busy in Gatwick and she was late getting here.

Nothing to do with about being sick so we all breathed a sigh of relief and thank God that one of them was lying.Anyway, I'm here now and on we go.So on the full YouStream this week, that's on youstream .com, not YouTube.If you don't want to join Newstream .com, that's fair enough.

You can just subscribe to this and like this if you want, or whatever they do.YouTube but if you want to go to you stream calm go to the home page and where it says register just register you don't have to pay anything no credit card day I was you can go and have a little sneaky preview it's like going through your sister's drawer you know looking at anyway here we go so on the full version later I'll be explaining how it is totally possible and probably most probably legal to carry out what reform are suggesting in the English Channel operation fortress andsaying the Navy can go and do it and so the newspapers are digging out all these past over admirals and other people and captains and say they can't do it.They've even got Robert Fox.to make a thing saying he's an expert on the Navy.And I like Robert Fox.

Robert Fox is a great journalist and he was a goose green.And after H. Jones was killed, the battalion was taken over by Chris Keeble, the two I see.And he thought rather than lose more men, we've got daylight coming.He sent an Argentinian prisoner down with a white flag back to the thing and to say, look, you know, Our intention is to flatten Goose Green.You'll be responsible for all this and that.You want to surrender.

And Robert Fox went with him.How's that for a brave old journalist?Anyway, Robert Fox, well done.I'm very fond of you and you've got a lot of kudos for that in my mind.But Robert, what the fuck do you know about the Navy and boats?And as you're a journalist, you're probably a lefty anyway.

So let me explain how it works.later, right, because it's going to take too long on here and I'll bore you all to death.So if you want to find out how I could make it work, I will tell you.Now, so according to today's headlines, something's got to be done rather quickly, because in the market town of Thetford up there in Norfolk, a crowd of locals surrounded the house.There was a few people moving in and these houses of multiple occupancy, illegal invaders, and they Obviously Australian Norfolk people.And the police turned up and there was no scrapping or anything because the Norfolk people are not like that.

They just made their voices clear.They don't want them in this little fucking town.There's about four houses with all these different asylum seekers in there.You know, they don't want their town turned into a rubbish tip for the dregs of the fucking world coming here with no identification passports or anything, ready to nick your phone, rape your daughters and God knows what.I'm sorry to say that, but that's the fucking danger that we're having.We don't know these people.

There's already been a bit of a ruckus, because they were planning to put 50..asylum seekers in a disused army base up the road.Well, people don't want it.We don't want that there.There's only a few of us here.We don't want no more people up there.

Anyway, good old Norfolk people in Thetford.Prime Minister, you won't be reading this because you're on a sunbed somewhere or you're on one of those cheapy holidays because you can't be seen spending money.Unless, of course, someone's given it to you, like some crypto person who was done for fraud in America that apparently gave some funding to Wes Streeting for £40 ,000.Why read, Wes?Don't stamp your little light on your feet at me.That's just what I'm reading in the newspapers.

Go and get it sorted, Sam.The other thing that caught my eye is this Cambridge professor, who isn't a professor apparently.He's a black man, of course, and he's got very long twiglet barnet, and he professes to do this or do that, and he's been here and been there, but it's all bollocks apparently.So the nearest thing he gets to being a professor is professing he is a professor.So he can go and profess off.Apparently he's resigned now because he can't take the heat.

What does he look like?Have a look.I think he looks a little bit like a transvestment.OK, well, let's talk about Kemi Badenoch.She's laid out a store and said she won't have a pact with reform.Well, I wouldn't say that too quick, Kemi, Mrs Conservative fearless leader.

You never know when you'll be wanting friends.It's like Rupert Lowe.He's now said some terrible things and he's gonna need some friends now, isn't he?Because otherwise he's just gonna be a one -man band and he's gonna get fucking nowhere.But now he wants to worm back in and I think it's good.I hope Farage and Lowe get together and have a chat.

That's what it's all about, talking about it.Someone's got to sort this country out.Now, I come back from Guernsey this morning, so I did a gig there last night.It was very pleasant, very hot, and it was a bit of a mess.the first half because 10 minutes before I went on I got a sort of a Dear John thing regarding my private life yet again so I was slightly waylaid before I went on you know And, you know, people have a wonderful way of timing, don't they?I know, Jim's going on in 10 minutes time, I'll send him this to fuck his day up, but I don't suppose that's how it really played out.

But I went on and the people were fantastic.They were...Funny though, I had to walk home from the theatre in the middle of this great big bloody park in the dark.It's next to the hotel, but it got down these little windy fucking roads.I shit myself.And because I was so tired, I was hallucinating.

I thought, there's a cat.There's a cat coming at me.And guess what?It was a fucking cat.Shit myself.I thought it was like a puma.

Ghosts and ghoulies.It was like the Blair Witch product or whatever they call that film.Anyway, I found my hotel, had a couple of drinks, went to bed, got up this morning, got delayed, got here.Now I've got to go back as I'm going out on my first date tonight.Before you get excited, all of you, it's with my daughter, Sarah, who's taking me to the pub.So the great question is, what do you think Donald Trump's going to say to Ed Silliband?

Hey, you, big nose, how dare you call me a racist and sexist?Why don't you just fuck off back to Hampstead?and ruin England with all your windmills and your woke bullshit of Ned Zero.Okay, right, let's come over to YouStream now.I'll cheer up a bit and I'll tell you how we're gonna get those fucking people back to the shores in France.Cop for this is a bit of boating.

We are now going to see in a beautiful pea -green boat.

Way Metaba, Way Metaba, Lady Natasha, over.What's it got to do with you?What's it got to do with you?What an adventure.