Joe Rogan Experience #2493 - Protect Our Parks 16

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What's the story, Morning Glory?It's been almost a year.Wow, it's flying by.What are we, 12 now?Is this the 12th episode?I don't know.

No, I think we're way - 16?Yeah, we'll be 40.What?Damn, that's a lot of drinking.How many times have we played Freebird?So it turns out that that lady that that was a scam that was fake the lady who Forced the guy to fuck her.

It was a JP Morgan.Oh, yeah, it wasn't real.She was hot Yeah, I know was that in the last one we did Jamie said it's fake, right?It's fake?Yeah, the news is going around that it's like, there was like a, the lawsuit is not accurate apparently.It's like a retaliatory lawsuit.

So he just claimed that she said all those things and she made him fuck her.Damn.What a pussy.Wait, is he an Indian guy?I believe so.Yeah, gross.

It does read like an Indian guy now that I'm thinking about it.Like a scamp?Like the horniest guy ever.Just coming up with the hottest scene.She called them canons.Once a lady calls her tits canons.

Have you ever heard of a girl call her tits canons?It's such an 18 year old, 16 year old boy thing.I've never even heard canons.I've heard guys talk about a girl's canons when she's nowhere near them.I've heard cans.Cans.

Torpedoes, I've heard cannons.I think I'm pretty sure I've read Nick jugs Nick cannons Sweater puppets fun bags knockers just boobs and tits but a lady saying that that's no lady.I'm sure she said she did no ladyI'm sure your fish head Asian wife That's what he said, that's what he said she said damn what's that to me more movies he's claiming it's that Striptease no no she was the boss and she made the guy fucker disclosure disclosure.Oh that one oh Almost made me yank it this morning.I know right laying in bed This guy's a writer yeah, so she got fired, and he made up that story like what should the repercussions be jail jail?

Yeah, you can't just do that especially well for sure It was a guy the guy would be fought if it was a guy and a woman claimed that the guy said these terrible things The guy would be fired.He would be shamed, but no one's mad at that lady.No, no That lady for making him fucker.No, we love the lady even in the moment before it was came out as a hoax when they thought it was true her boss was like Come on, you can't be doing that Yeah, that's about as bad as it got.Or he pulled her into the office and go, let me see them.Let me see these cannons.

Bust out the missiles.We just got to do our research, due diligence.I just got to see the cannons.Cannons.He might be telling the truth.Are we sure it's fake yet?

Are we sure it's fake?It's just your cannibal dream.What a great way to have no one believe you is if you intentionally use words like that.Like, I would never speak that way.There's been a string of middle middle -aged whores going around lately if you notice that well, it's back.It's back like the reporter chick Who's been banging the football coach?

Christy gnome was cheating on that guy with the guy with the tits was fucked out.It's rocks.Those are kids The chick who wrote the RFK article that had a deeply emotional relationship with them.Oh, really?Yeah, it was justtexting.

That was the second one.It was crazy.Then there was the second one she had like that.She likes to get to know her subjects.The texts were wild though.Deeply emotional.

Really?Pull them up?Both back and forth?His version was wild?Wait, this is a while ago, right?Yeah, this is a couple years ago.

Yeah, something like, let my river flow into your...It was odd.It's like a Dave Matthews song.Yeah.Damn.Does he text like he talks?

Is it all jumbly?But see, for a lady, it's like a free shot.They never have to worry about getting in trouble.Like no one's even going to be in trouble.No one's going to be mad at her as a journalist even.Suddenly she's discredited.

Nah.The husband was like, I'm kind of lame.The husband?She's married?The husband didn't love it.Oh, she's married?

Which one are we talking about?Oh, she's a freak.Yeah.The reporter with RFK.Allegedly.Sucks.

He was a heroin addict too.He's a fun dude.Fun.Got after it.I like him.Oh yeah.

Lived his life.I like him a lot.Didn't use to stutter.That's true.It's not a stutter.It's a vaccine injury.

Oh, really?Yeah.He didn't just talk that way?No.From the flu vaccine.Yeah, you see videos of him from the 90s.

He had a great voice.Great voice.And black hair.Are you reading the text?They're hilarious.It's like Prince Charles.

Any dude who tries to be romantic, it's like, you don't know how to do it.It's a poem?Yeah, it's sexually.As soon as you're writing a lady a poem, it's over.How do we know this is true?I think it was verified.

From what I remember, it was verified.Olivia Nuzzie.She sounds like a freak.She's sharing it, so it could be from anybody.She sounds like Staten Island trash.Your open mouth is awaiting my harvest.

There we go.She looks like fun.Not too shabby.Don't spill a drop.Your open Y -R.Who writes Y -R for your ear?

Come on, really?Your open mouth is awaiting my harvest?That doesn't even make sense.You think he eats ass?Because that's processed.This is my favorite one I mean to squeeze your cheeks to force open your mouth I'll hold your nose as you look up to me to encourage you to swallow whoa don't spill a drop I am a river you are my canyon Wow I'm not buying this that sounds like literature, but I can't have a pop -tart You can't have Froot Loops with the good colors.

I don't want these grape Froot Loops, dude.That's not the fun.You ever seen Canadian Froot Loops?They're bland and dim and dull.That's what they're gonna sell here now.It's over.

We used to be a country.It's over.There's got to be a way to make them prettier.Yeah.Without giving you ass cancer.Right.

There's got to be some way.Give us the ass cancer, bro.A lot of people are getting the ass cancer lately.Give us the ass cancer.I saw that.Really?

I know a dude who's in his early 30s.He's got stage three ass cancer.Yeah.But he also took four shots.Four of them.Four what shots?

Ass shots?Vaccines.And that gives you ass cancer?It can give you cancer.Allegedly.Did he boof the shots?

That's the way to do it if you really want to get massive.Don't tell me how to take the vaccine.Stuck the actual needle right into the hole.In West Hollywood they're just going to plunge her in.Jimmy boof it.You got the boofer.

Well Trump almost got a shot the other day.Third assassination attempt on that dude fucking guy running around Assassination attempt at the White House press correspondence dinner where Reagan got shot Same hotel.Oh really Tripadvisor must be rough on that Was there a comedian there?No, I was the mentalist.Yeah Oz the mentalistHe's like, I think we're gonna go attack two more countries Did you see the fake assassination attempt?

Don't you know?Don't you know about Gilgamesh?And you're like, what?Gilgamesh.He always brings in his references.The Rothschilds.

Bro, what are you saying?I don't know any of the references.Oh, you don't know?If Metzger can't get it up, he's like, Israel.What's nice with the shooter was mixed -race, that's nice is that nice that's nice cuz you know you're always like don't be white don't be white or don't be black Had enough of the Whatever you want to say he is Dictator.Oh, right right fascism the whole thing pedophile You know he was like a smart guy a Valedictorian yeah, he was like a scientist II guy I think was a teacher must be extra tough for those guys cuz they're like so like you've never gotten to a fight since you were seven And then you're gonna get a gun and try to like kill a high -level person.

What a step up.He shot a Secret Service guy.Really?He just hit him in the vest.Oh shit.They don't know who shot who.

Oh, really?Yeah.Oh, okay.You're saying the Secret Service guy shot himself?Not himself.It might have been friendly fire.

He was trying to get out.It might have been friendly fire.Is it that lady again?Yes, I think she was there.The lady was there.The one that looks like me?

We were joking around about it in the green room.Imagine if she was like, I know I fucked up way back in July, but look guys, I'm better.I've been working out.Yeah.And then this is their second assignment.We didn't talk about this part yet.

the tweet.Yeah, this is nuts.So the Cole Allen guy tried to kill Trump.It's on inside the White House though, right?It was at a hotel Okay, an ex account for 2023 wrote a single tweet with that name with what so just wrote Cole Allen from 2023 the profile belongs to Henry Martinez a NASA scientist who's missing the background image from a website called time machine if you D digitize it the 2024 assassination attempt photos appears but with a whole in the head instead of the ear.The profile picture is a green toad in a tuxedo with a glass, exactly like Trump in the assassination attempt.

Either it's the most elaborate PSYOP in history, or someone from the future is leaving clues in the past that only make sense once the events happen.Why does time travelers keep trying to kill me?How is that picture the same?That is not the same.That's just a bunch of colors, and you could decide it's the same.No, you gotta decode it.

Together Appears if you squeeze your eyes together Sailboat, what do you like?Words, you know, it was always a sailboat or guitar Do you think that makes sense Jamie this picture part of it does not make a lot of sense I don't think but it's weird that the guy is straight tweet is nuts tweet is strange enough from two years ago So he's trying to work up the courage three years 23 yeah, yeah, and then the fact that it's a frog.It's one of those Keck guy right those nutty fucking pranksters He's just tried to search somebody's name Is that the only tweet this guy ever made I think so whoa There is a bunch of random Twitter accounts that have tweeted random names just one time so I don't know like what Oh really of that happening are prettyI believe right these are the eight guys We have trying to like work with mentally so like one of them will be activated and try to kill somebody Yeah, so that guy really was is that factual though that the guy really was a NASA scientist Henry Martinez But well, so when the people were looking up his history this he had a brief I think like an internship at JPL NASA Jet labs or something.Yeah, and I think the other guy did too that I don't know that anybody knows more than it is weird Where you find out a lot of these guys have all these weird ties Like yeah, that guy who tried to shoot Trump in Pennsylvania was in a Blackrock commercial.Yeah All connected I did a lot of commercials when I was coming up and I Blackrock never Got to be non -union not only that like you definitely get brought into the fold Mm -hmm.

He was teacher of the year this guy So did this guy get shot off there was he close enough to get a shot allegedly Jamie said allegedly he shot a Secret Service guy How are these guys getting so close, but it might have been that lady the fat lady.Well this guy shot him Maybe trying to get her gun out.Oh shit Might have shot himself.She's handsome It's it's just crazy that they don't have better security.Yeah, what the hell how'd the guy get in the hotel with a gun?Like how are you not checking every room?

How are you not like checking everyone's bags if you know that the president and all Marco Rubio all these fucking people are gonna be there You don't end Oz the Mentalist, and you don't have someone checking guns.Why is there better security at the improv on Black Comic Night?Yeah, throw up a metal detector.It's just crazy that they don't check for guns.That's wild.On a day where it's like the president is going to be there.

You didn't check for guns?I get it if it's like a UFC sniper or somewhere.It's like we can't check everybody like that.It's like 20 ,000 people.But like this is so small.Secret Service agent did not shoot himself.

I don't think there's any question.What happened here that video.They're playing to the AI video Well, no, this is the real video, which is blurry why AI they enhanced it because this fucking hotel is shitty old cameras Which is crazy, so that's the guy by the way guys putting in some fucking work there.There's some speed.He's got wheels.Yeah, he moves.

That guy can move.Half black.Half black.Teacher, he can shoot.Teachers, you know, they work at a school.I mean, what did he think was going to happen?

He was going to get past all the secret security guys, get through the crowd, find Trump behind the stage and shoot him?Like, how do you think he was going to get to him?I think these guys don't think it out, but I bet they go like, I'm going to shoot him, then everyone's going to love me.Yeah, they're going to be Luigi or some shit.It might be schizophrenia too.Yeah, yeah, he might be out of his fucking mind, but he lived right he's in jail Yeah, he lived the guy shot Reagan was like taxi driver told me to do well.

He rules Yeah, he was inspired by Jodie Froster Jodie Foster made him shoot Lincoln.There it is!I Will Be Your Man.Oh, fun.That's a threat.2023.

Recent release.Can't we get along?Let's hear 2023.I like his job title.Criminal.I want to hear I Will Be Your Man.

Let's hear what Hinkley's, what his jams are like.I Will Be Your Man.You're gonna have to pay for this.We have to pay for that?No.We'll have to edit it.

We'll see.Oh, man.He's got his name on the guitar just in case you don't know who shot Lincoln.Ah, shoot him.Yeah He looks like his brains been washed.Yeah, they just poured bleach in his ears.

Yeah, they're gonna release MK ultra files this week, I think A lot of black lines coming in that one.Yeah, whatever happened the fucking UFO files.Did you do Kennedy yet?That's Kennedy out.No what what JFK?Yeah turns out there's some stuff in there that we Couldn't see.

CIA.Yep.Maybe some other ones.Congresswoman Annapolina Luna Lance's house hearings on MK Ultra next month.What is that?A gang?

No.I did see MK Ultra.You don't know what that is?No.That's the mind control experiments that the CIA did in the 1960s, 70s.Honest people going to hookers.

Gave a bunch of people.Good honest people going to hookers.They took advantage of them.What?That's one part of it.Yeah, that was Operation Midnight Climax.

They ran brothels.What a good name.Great name.Whoa.Solid name.That's absolutely proven.

That's all from a Freedom of Information Act request and from some documents that they found.What was the guy's name that was like the head of MKUltra?Jolly West yeah, and then he went and sold Jack Ruby and yeah, Jack Ruby went crazy.Yeah, so it's saying they're lighting Jews on fire I'm in hell like they gave him acid.He's also it was connected to Manson Yeah, yeah, like this guy was running mind -control operations all throughout the country Wow they ran brothels where they gave the John's Acid and the the ladies would come out and give the John's acid and they would watch through a two -way mirror and then film them Trying to get laid next thing you know you're fucking seeing Jesus30 minutes The worst lie ever the CIA they drugged me how many marriages would completely dissolve if prostitution was totally legal It'd be a lot easier to do.

Are they talking?That's the thing.Are the hookers talking?Yeah.No, but guys are bad at covering up.It's like Uber ratings, you know?

Oh, that would be bad.You know what I'm saying?Like some Uber drivers, they won't shut the fuck up.They want to play music.I would never want to see my passenger score.Yeah.

I don't want an XL either.Fuck.For prostitutes, that's bad.You know what I mean?If they made prostitution completely legal, and then they had scores, do you don't think gals would do it?I think they would.

I think there'd be plenty of gals that would sign up.Oh, for sure.If prostitution was only fair.And it's illegal.How so?Oh yeah, they are.

Of course, if you took down the barriers, they would keep doing it.Isn't it legal in New York City now?Kind of I've never been But they did do something were they like decriminalized sex work in New York.Yeah, I think you're right.Yeah, let's find out Jamo Sex work.I love when they really Unhoused it's sex work until one of those fucking your husband, then it's a hooker exactly Call a girl sex you're a fucking sex worker.

Hey, that's a pretty funny way to do it Prostitution is illegal in New York City, but enforcement and politics around sex work are in flux Debates about decriminalization and new protectionsfor sex workers and trafficking survivors anyone else Well, that's kind of crazy, isn't it if you have protection for their survivors?So you're saying that they're victims, but then you're also decriminalizing it So you're making it okay to do you're saying that they're victims and like when it's where it is legal they go like No one's gonna abuse you Because you don't need a pimp.Right.Right.So that's, well, listen, if you can give someone a massage, you should be able to jerk them off, which doesn't make any sense.

You get that, right, Robert Griffith?Poor guy.Old bastard.I met that guy.You can't help think about that when you're shaking his hands.Sorry they got you, sir.

Sorry they got you.Just a normal thing.It could happen to so many people.A hundred percent.They set him up.He wasn't even getting laid.

It's handy.And he's like 80.There's an app for it now called a tug or something Get on it somebody told me how to figure out which one of the handjob places which one are real Epstein told me he goes, uh, huh, you know, no He goes, you know the ones with like locks in the door because that there's no business doesn't want you in there They're like hold on stop jerking there's a cop point my friend goes on a lunch break like it's pretty popular New York people are totally When I moved to Philly every single person was like yeah, it's normal totally so other girls gross.They're Asian I think it's a range and sometimes you get like a Ukrainian skank Skank you have some respect for yourself or how many relationships are just completely dissolve a prostitution was a hundred percent legal I think yeah, I'll tell you Thailand it pretty much is and girls fuck on the first date.Oh Itaking them out.

No, not those regular girls cuz if I make you wait, you're just gonna get a hooker Really like I better put out I like that, competition.They seem a little looser sexually anyway, in Thailand.You know, with the whole ladyboy thing.Right.They're pretty chill with everything.Yeah, they're pretty relaxed, except for kicking the shit out of people.

They're really good at that.They're really good at that.It's weird, like a laid back society, so good at fucking people up with martial arts.You ever look at ladyboys using their training?Like before they turned into full ladyboys?Pull it up.

They trained kickboxing.What, ladyboys do Muay Thai too?When they were younger.There was one famous one who transitioned to a woman but kept fighting men and started getting fucked up because now She didn't have hormones anymore and or balls well And so she's just getting the shit kicked out of her as a girl when she was dominating as a guy Like the one thing that you're really good at other than sucking guys dicks is Fucking people up.I know you can't do that No, I'm in on the streets.See that's a guy.

I'm in on the streets.Oh, wow.Is it?Yes, that's a guy.Oh, right.That's a guy.

Lady boy.That's a guy dressed like a girl.No, I'm in on the streets.Like if you pick on one of the streets, they all come after you, but then they use it training.Oh, yeah.So they gang up and kick the box of shit out of you.

And you're like, I just wanted to beat up a hooker.Why are these half men coming at me?These dainty, dainty men.Are you need a drink I got one okay?Dude all over Latin America anytime.I got recognized.

They'd be like they'd be like when are we gonna get another protect our parks?I'm not really in the area right now Uruguay, I'll let them know Get questions from people it was always that same protect our parks mm -hmm any times.I run into someone somewhere Globally, too.Australia, I got it.New Zealand, I got it.It's all over.

It is fun, though, when somebody, like, last week, somebody's like, when's the next record?I was like, April 30th.And they're like, what?Yes.I'm like, keep it quiet.I did that, yeah.

It's very fun.The world needs us.Oh, yeah.It's good to be back.Goofy ass, fake fucking world out there.Wow.

I can't believe how many we've done.Cannons.Cannons, dude.We got that going for us.I want to talk to that guy.I want to find out what really happened.

Interview that Indian fella.So apparently they're saying he got fired.Is that what the story is, Jamie?He got fired, then he just made up a story?Wait, you can't just make a public post saying your boss tried to fuck you anymore?Not anymore.

I think it was a lawsuit that was filed.I don't I'm not saying that the lawsuit is fake Does the lady still work there I believe what I read was that JPMorgan investigated didn't find it credible and she still works there.Yeah, that doesn't seem We're gonna put you on leave while we look this Trevor Bauer like oh he found out it's fake like can I get my job back like He works for the Long Island Ducks.Trevor Bauer is a Cy Young, the highest award for a pitcher.Phenom.He got some chick, pretty much told all her friends like, I'm gonna go get money out of that guy.

Yep, we got the text message to prove it.Yeah, he kind of proved it all, but Dodgers, was it Dodgers?I don't remember.It was like, hey, you can't work here anymore.Oh, I remember this now.He was with the Brewers.

Brewers?No, I don't remember.Moved to Japan.Moved to Japan, tried to pitch there, and he's like, I'm good.He told MLB, he goes, I'll pitch for free, and I'm a Cy Young winner.And everyone's like, eh.

That's crazy.Lost $300 million.Yeah.Now he's playing for the Miners in Long Island.He loves playing.Oh my.

Yeah.And what happened to her?I think she got like a slap on the wrist.Yeah, I think she was like, he was like, don't come after me anymore.Don't come after anybody else anymore.That's it?

She did photos with black eyes.She got makeup done.He beat me up.beat the shit out of me.It was all made up.It's pretty crazy story monsters out there crazy But the crazier thing is like if you are that if it is a Dodgers say it is to not go.

Hey, dude We were fooled.I'm sorry.Yeah your contract back.He should sue them for now though.He's lost years of his career Yeah, probably over right?Yeah, he's still great.

He just pitched a no -hitter That's crazy because like when it all happened with him It was about it was about eight or nine years ago, wasn't it?2020 Five years ago was suspended so he lost his prime 35.That's prime ruined his life.He just won the Cy Young God Oh my god.So all she gets is a slap on the wrist?Crazy.

That's pretty much like go away.She violated some part of the settlement and had to pay him 300 grand.Oh great.That'll cover his fucking monthly whatever.Yeah.The zen.

Jesus Christ.Got a couple zens out of it.She only got fined 300 grand.She cost him 300 million.Exactly.Oh my god.

That's crazy.Whatever you accuse someone of, if it's fake, you should get that Punishment we're trying to know I completely agree.Yeah, absolutely.That's never the case though.Well.You can't play for the Dodgers Who's he with that's the thing that's about this it was the Dodgers Fake sports fan on a bunch of teams though.

Why did I think it was the Brewers because it was our power?Yeah, so if he went to jail for it That's what she should go to jail for cuz if she's accusing him of sexual assault He was I think she was just suing him suing him and then public public Destruction of reputation.Yeah.Oh my God.That's all awful.Poor guy.

You should have him on.I would.That'd be a great convo.Holla at me, son.He's also, I think, pretty funny.I bet he is.

No way.Yeah.Bro, you gotta get a sense of humor after that.If you survive that, you survive that, I bet you have a wicked sense of humor.Playing in Japan where they all have tiny strike zones.Yeah.

That's one thing I think we could all attest to.It's not the only thing, is it, Danny?You survive a cancellation, you come out on the other end just a little bit more...Kanye recovers from getting canceled have the biggest concerts in human history Standing on top of the world with clouds Bill Cosby must be amazing right now.He's blind though.He can't read his notes Tough to read off a teleprompter her boy comic all in his memory anyway but I don't even know if he writes or if he just like sits down and comes up with these stories because he's like a story guy.

Yeah.He is pretty good.I love his album.It was like it really paints a picture but then you're like then you listen like Kenneth's and you're like oh this guy Cosby is very slow.Yeah.It's a different style.

It's like listening to you know John Denver versus Metallica.You can't you know.Solid comparison.Yeah.You got to be in the mood.Fuck yeah Norman don't be scared of that Fuck you!

Communism is dead for a little bit and then Metallica's on stage.It's so said Iraq is dead.Oh We're talking about yeah, it's all queefy now.What was the last time where's the new rock bands the new Zeppelin?Smaller bands Van Halen is the biggest part of music Rolling Stones shred ACDC I know.I mean, Aerosmith, who used to be the biggest part of music, was rock and roll.

What the fuck?That's kind of crazy.Nice.Bodega Cat, ladies and gentlemen.Thank you.Available at Fine Bodegas all across Manhattan.

You got that right, Fatty.Get a bottle.But yeah, now it's country.Country's huge now.Country's huge.Which is fine, but what happened to rock?

I know.What happened to rock?I love country.I have no problem with country getting huge.Yeah, what happened to rock?What happened to rock?

Who were the biggest...They said garage bands are coming back with kids, which means nature is healing.That's a good sign.Yeah, kids are tired of playing video games and want something real.But the thing that doesn't make sense about rock music is everybody still loves it.Right.

Everybody still plays covers.Oasis is doing giant arenas all over the country.But they're playing old songs.I took acid at that Oasis concert.Really?Which one?

MKUltra?Chicago.I got MKUltra'd.I was just watching the concert like, oh shit.How fun is music on acid?It's the best.

See, I haven't done acid since college.I go shroom now.It's responsible for the Grateful Dead's entire career.I see how it worked.I mean, apparently, if you listen to the Dead on acid, it's a totally different thing.They were playing to acid.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.Like, they weren't playing for you to not like it on acid.You're supposed to, like, if you guys are on acid, let me entertain you.a second.Yeah, you're supposed to be on acid.It's like those ayahuasca eco rose you listen to them normally They're not that interesting, but I got something on DMT.

They're pretty fucking incredible.I got some of Roger water We were doing a podcast here me scoring and Burton you and you're like, what are you doing tomorrow?You want to stay Roger Waters is playing I was like, oh, I got a it's like I was like, I gotta leave you go.Why?Yeah, I don't know but I'm like, but my hotel I have to check out tomorrow goes extended You were my personal guest on Roger Waters.Change already selected the next day.

And I'm like, yeah, all right.But then it was like, I got to find acid on one day's notice.Yeah.You got to shout out Roger Waters because he was way ahead of everybody.calling out the genocide way ahead of everybody.He was doing it a long time ago.

A long time ago, calling out how they're treating the Palestinians.He really got kicked up.He's a little frosty with the heebs though, is he not?He got frosty with me.Oh, there you go.He got frosty with you?

He was livid at me.Oh, that was, you were fucking with him.What'd you say?He was on acid and he was fucking with them after the show.We were all hanging out and Roger was drinking.This was, it was summer, October.

We had a one -day permission to do one thing.Come on guys, I'll give you guys each a drink if you let me do one piece of paper.I chose the devil's cabbage.I was scared of the acid because who knows where it came from.I'm like alright, I got a business to run.I can't go crazy right now.

I did some.Tony's ex did some.And I remember we were back at the hotel, and I was looking at this picture, and I was like, damn, this is a crazy video.Ari is full on weeping in the middle of the concert.Whoa.Full on, this is amazing.

Balling.This is amazing.He came up and sat next to me, and I'm like, what's wrong with Ari?He's fucking freaking out.I'm like, dude, are you OK?I was not OK.

He didn't even know what the dose was.He just took whatever the guy gave him.It was fresh, too.I had to let it dry in the AC of the car over there.I had to hold it by the vent and let it dry some.It was so good

You don't know what's gonna end I'll say you don't really know what it's gonna start I took a little I took a little and I was like this shit's not working give me another one Boy that old move was dead at a painting in my hotel room for 12 hours Ruin their entire life by doing that with edibles.Yeah got that second one.I don't feel shit Then there's a second one and then they can't escape.This is how those stories start Yeah, every time you're like, maybe I'll take the other half and they roll right into schizophrenia land In my early be your mom's not really your mom.Yeah early years of comedy I pitched a show and Lionsgate picked it up and I flew out they flew me out to LA to pitch the show to Netflix and Amazon it was the biggest deal of my life and the night before I did Tripoli show and he gives you a bag of weed stuff you know and I was like I can't do weed I'm a wuss I'm a lightweight he goes we'll take some CBD and I go okay I'll do that I want to get some sleep so I chugged a bottle of CBD and it was THC oh I woke up the bed was vertical I was hanging on to the post I couldn't go it's too high.I was high for like 14 hours Went my manager's like shaking me like you gotta go and I'm like, I can't do it.

I can't face it like Lisa I would have sold like Duncan Trussell show But I couldn't face him and I he would like I think they dropped me after Doug Duncan is the absolute best at saying Like fucking around like he was going hold on.I just got a text from my wife's boyfriend There's nothing worse than getting that high that like McCusker McCusker used to make weed gummies live together you'd make homemade IHe would like try to make it.It was crazy.And then I'd just be sitting there playing Xbox and he'd be like, here, take some of these.And I'd just try them out.

But one time he left, I did a show at a casino outside of Philly.He gave me a bag of gummy bears.Obviously, I got fucking hammered.And I was just in my hotel room, just, I ate them.I just ate as many as I could.Did you know that they were pot gummy bears?

I did, I did.But I was hammered.I was like, fuck it, I don't give a fuck.They're so good.I just killed that fucking hotel lobby, that was great.And then I woke up and it was in a casino with no, my room had no windows, it was in the fucking basement.

And I didn't know, my buddy was also, I was like, you can sleep in my room.He was on the floor, he was this kid that opened for me.In the morning, I woke up and I was still high as fuck and I was just like, In the darkness, I hear somebody like, Shane?I was like, ah!That's something waking up high is wild.Wake up high sucks.

I was like, who's there?Who's in here?You remember the days where Joey Diaz would have people in the church, or what's happening now, and he would swap out the 25 -milligram edibles for 250s?He did it to me.He did it to me.It's like a package like this, whatever.

And I see it, it says 25.I'm like, you know what?I'm a 10 guy.But what I'm gonna do yes, I'll go 25 and then I ate it, but then something nags in your head You're like, why was it Tony?It was like, why was it open?I was it tilted a little right and then I was just I kept talking I was like picked it off and you just see 250.

Oh Joey killed me.Oh, yeah, please.I at 500 see we get to 500.We just got Lee again.I'm for we did a 420 episode Lee was like, oh, yeah back to that Indy 500.500 milligrams?

Yeah.That's crazy dude.That blows.You know what's crazy?Jamo, Jamie can do a thousand and it barely hits him.Shut up.

Is that true?You have no body fat.No, no, no.He's got some weird enzyme.You gotta go with a slice of pizza or something.Doesn't work on him.

Wow.Okay, fair.Damn.Yeah, it just doesn't work with his spectrum -y.Yeah, anything more than that.His super brain just shuts it off.

Like, nope, not interested, bye.Mine does not, dude.If I take 10 milligrams, I'm like, oh.Well, the UFC's are always great.We take like 50 in just like six hours.Well, you guys took acid at the UFC before.

We were up in the back seats, we took acid, and me, Red Band, and Diaz, and then Rogan.It was kind of early on, and Rogan's like, where are you guys?We're like, we're up there, and he's like seeing us, like, are you guys flying?We're like, we're fucked, dude.He's like, where are you guys?Half of my day.

I was thinking about them being on acid watching these crazy fights.Can you imagine?It made me jealous.It felt like the Coliseum.It must be so fun.Forrest Griffin came in and everyone's cheering.

I'm like, why are you cheering?You might get hurt.You animals.This is like 2005 then.This is early days.Imagine seeing Brock Lesnar on acid.

Terrified.He's a warrior, that guy.Like a Viking.You ever see his daughter?His daughter's a champion shot putter?What?

What?No, what'd you say?She's a fucking athlete.Oh, shot put.She throws that iron ball.He does shooting a gun bro.

She's Watch the video so go to get it says see if you can find a video Mark's talking shit.I agree with Shane.I have nothing but respect for you and your family.Oh, yeah, I know sturdy Look at this.Whoa pale honky bro.That's crazy.

Imagine blowing your shoulder out trying to fucking throw that thing Imagine her grabbing your balls muchy Make a warrior with those jeans.Yeah, what's the mom look like?She's a pro wrestler She's awesomeGet the mom up the mom is hot.Oh, yeah, I got all she got all Brock's jeans, right?That's the mom The puppies but bro, look at his jeans those jeans dominate nice cannons.

Those are Viking jeans That's what Iceland looks the way it is Viking jeans.Oh, is that them now?Yeah.Oh, hell yeah.She's 10 years older than him.She's able.

She looks great.She's got a bit of a bulge, though, on the right.That's her hands, dude.Oh, God.Hands are in her pockets.Jesus Christ.

You're really risking it with me and you, Brock.Brock Lesnar's gonna fucking kill you.He's gonna bind you.He doesn't care.Rock and roll.He's writing your name down with crayons right now.

He's got that sword tattoo right here.Just a real warrior.Yeah, he said he got drunk and didn't remember it and woke up and was like, what the fuck did I do?Yeah.Just regret it For sure well steve -o's got a dick on his forehead.Yeah, but is that right fun?

Yeah?He was on a TV.He was on the podcast and it was like first couple of minutes, and I was like oh Give a dick tattoo above your eyebrows.Yeah He was on a few months ago, yeah JMO not even new jackets coming next month.Yeah, look.Oh What a lunatic Wow alone tattooed him To be trained a dick's got a quite a curve You might actually know are there any rules as to like who can do a tattoo?

No, I don't think so Do one to your friend I saw fear you can do with pen interesting, huh interestingStevo's a good egg.He's a fun dude.Stevo rules.He's a fun dude.Jackass rules.

New jackets.I was so excited when I heard.It was like...Oh, they're doing another one?June he played a bunch of the scenes were in Knoxville did to them all getting concussions And I was like I asked not school how many times you've been out.He's like at least 16 Wow 16 times out cold It's funny when one of them gets like reddit rap for not going hard enough like Knoxville did once and he goes fine They I'll step up and I'll literally blow a ball off and then like and like danger had one way I'll be the one this time Knoxville always went so hard.

Yeah, it was bad.It was bad feedback, but they were like you're protecting your face too much It's like all right.I'll show you I asked we man. I was like who got PTSD this time He was like England England's fucked forever now.Oh, yeah What why cuz they put him in horrible situations?I don't know.I'm waiting to find out They got danger error last time bad with a bear and shit where you could tell he's like this is never gonna leave in the fucking donkey in the one that was Walked up behind when the goal was to get him He's just behind him like shaking then they're all making fun of him.

And the donkey kicked him?Yeah, got him right in the balls.Oh my god, dude.They had him get into a room.He obviously knew something was happening.He knew something's up.

He just can't be.He looks great.He does look pretty good.Nice skin, cool head of hair.He's a handsome guy.So he's in the room strapped to a table?

They're doing like an electric chair thing.They're shocking him.He's like, come on, stop.It's annoying, but I get it.And then what happens?They cover him in honey.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, noHe's got a chain on the bear Keep watching it.The chain is probably just so they could pull him off.Yeah, stay calm.Oh, he's gonna lick him That's a good point chance free.Oh, this is wild.

This is crazy Oh Trembling Like salmon, oh my god crazy.He's so frightened You see his pants get wet they fucked with him real bad So it's a trained bear sort of though, but it's a bear.Yeah.Yeah, you know, it's nice as BAM They let BAM back in the girl.Oh good.Oh, really?

He's in the next one.Everybody's like skating again.Yeah.Yeah, it's it's getting there So what happened to him?He just went off the rails drugs pills pills Now he's back.He's back.

Come back.Let's go BAM rules.There's a video.There's a video I saw and it was like asking all the jackass people who can skate people like Oh, we meant it's pretty good.And someone's like no danger is pretty good.And that just starts the chiropractor scoring.

It's BAM.I can do it.It's BAM.I was good.I met him a bunch when I was going to college.Really?

Really?Yeah, I went to college in Westchester, where they all were.So like, yeah, you'd see him around town.He was just the nicest.Yeah.He was always just the man.

He owned that town, huh?Oh, yeah.He had a purple Lambo.You'd see it.It'd be at the fucking Wawa.You'd be like, holy fuck, BAM's here.

Holy fuck.Holy.With his eyeliner.Yeah.I drove by Castle BAM.You know the house they have?

It was right where I lived when we were filming Tires.I lived right next to it.Occasionally just drive over and look at it.Yeah Every kid's dreams in the back some trick that was off a bridge onto a moving bus and then off the bus Maybe but no this was real BAM's dad got fucked pretty hard though wake him up and just start punching me the face Those guys did that for so long.Oh, yeah, that seemed like a thing you could only do it once hell.They're still going First places I ever did stand up and host of my own show was his bar in Westchester Wow The note like how old did they like how old is Steve?

Oh?He's gotta be 50.Yeah 50 Oh, the dad finally gets his revenge.He's hiding behind the door.It's alright.Yeah, Jackass rules.

Yeah, hell yeah.Jackass is the best.It's the best comedies.It's just crazy that those guys made a career doing that.Yeah.They became famous just fucking each other up.

We all copied them.Me and my friends were outside filming us jumping into trees off the roofs and shit.Totally.We all were like, this is the coolest thing ever.Yeah.They were the first ones to be like, don't do this.

Anyway, that's the legal part.Now watch and try to do it.This shit's fun.We're having a blast though, you should try it but don't do it legally.Yeah, how is the new fear factor?I know Knoxville, yeah, he came on to promote it.

Yeah, I was hosting the new fear factor.It's very nice.I love jackass so much Yeah, me too.He's a good dude.Johnny Knoxville is a really nice guy coolest.Yeah, although his dick is broken.

That sucks I think it's fixed.Oh great fix that nowadays themselves fucking everyone's getting them Wait you got stem yeah Whoa, what does that mean?I don't know.It's been one day.I don't know.How do you feel?

I feel fine.Do you see that thing that I sent you today?No.I sent you an article with this video.This lady is saying that the one operation that has the least amount of success and is the most unnecessary is meniscus operations.I had one too.

I couldn't walk though.What do you mean?I don't know.You had to do it.They said rehabilitation is better.Keeping the tissue in there and rehabbing it is better than having it removed.

Interesting yeah, I don't know I had I had mine removed on my left leg Yeah, but it does fuck with me more than my right leg and what you have in the right leg just I have a tear Meniscus tear, but I just left excelled.Yeah, I Tore it doing a kicking contest with Joe Schilling jeans on He just wanted to see who could kick harder Like he heard I kick really hard.He's a world champion kickboxer So he wanted to kick this thing and he wanted me to kick it.I did it with jeans on What'd you do a bag?We have this machine in the back of the test hit it and it shows you like your meniscus on that Yeah, fucking I whale rocks that with no warm -up at all at 52 years old Just fucking slammed it Joe Shelly came in three hours early and stretching No warm -up either.That would be a great jackass Joe Rogan kicks you Butterbean punch him

I saw that.It's the hardest thing to watch, too, because he was already rocked and fucked up, and then Butterbean put him out.And they're in, like, a Target or something.Yeah, like a bodega or something.The extra level, though, is that it's not just somebody.It's Butterbean punching you.

Or it's not just taking a slap shot.It's somebody from the Predators fucking slap shotting it at your face.Yeah, Francis is gonna punch him in the balls the cup test.Oh God kept telling him like like your fighters gonna come today, and they didn't tell us Francis Oh my god.Oh there is This is this is bean.I mean it wasn't too far.

I can't watch that yeah, you can watch it all right Let's watch it watch this and Francis doesn't even hold back.Oh That's gonna ruin your junk.Oh dude, that kind of pain is crazy.Also, that's a terrible cup.That's a shitty cup.No one should ever doubt danger ever again.

Watch this one more time.He put all of his 265 pounds into that.The realization on his face when he put it in is like, it's worse than I thought it was gonna be and it's real.Bro, it's like getting hit by a car.That's brutal right look at the eyes change and the thing about those shitty cups is sometimes those shitty cups hit your nut Like the cup actually your balls are kind of like poking out the side a little bit and the cup slams in It's also it's not they just got this a target on the way to this.Yeah, right.

It was fitted Give me one real solid cup with a compression shorts See Gen Z or Gen Alpha will never have a jackass you don't think so.No, I think Yeah, there's a lot of streamers that are getting that fuck beaten out of them.In a good way?Well, I mean, they're provoking people and occasionally they provoke the wrong person.They fight club it until somebody picks a fight back with them.There's this one with Tiki.

Tiki fought for a while.He's like a top -level trainer Manages fighters and this streamer kid is in his face telling him he's gonna fuck him up and Tiki's like Oh, really?He's like, yeah, I'll fuck you up for sure And then he like moves too close to him and Tiki just cracks him.Is that the elbow?No, I think he punched him I don't know if he elbowed him or punched.It's so hard to tell cuz it happened so fast But it's like the dudes in his face and this is a dude this guy watch this He's got a drink in his hand Yeah, is it an elbow slow that down a little bit.

I was right on the jaw Let's it either is a punch or an elbow.It's hard to say because it happened so fast.Yeah What did he say to him nice elbow He said he was gonna fuck him up.He said he's gonna slap him.I'll slap the shit out of you something like that No, but is that?Yeah, that is the wrong guy to fuck with right like Tiki's really good.

Oh Tiki Masala.He's big.I wouldn't, even if he didn't do UFC, I wouldn't walk up to him and be like, what are you going to do, pussy?He's just crazy.And he's holding whiskey.Well, that's probably why he didn't punch him.

He was so calm until the second, but he dropped it.He let it go.Yeah.Oh, really?Nice technique, too.One more time on that jambo.

That was a hook, the kids.Well, the elbow's just as powerful, dude.Especially coming out of Tiki.So let's see what he says to him.He said a bunch of shit to him.Are you the guy that got slapped on video?

I did, but I'll slap the shit out you, though.Oh, you will?I'm gonna show you the inside of the house.I'll make another clip.I'll do that.Seriously?

I'll do that.Some of these streamers, man, they make their whole fucking career out of doing stuff like that.He got up.Who's that guy?Wow, he got up?It's hard to say what's going on.

Or is that the bouncer?What's happening it is hard to say and they got up at some of it's a girl or something well I think he probably got up too because I seeblack jacket Yeah, but it seems like he ran in there.That's him right it ran there after him a couple punches at him I mean the fact that he took that Wow impressive.Yeah, I would have gone night -night.Yeah, but you wouldn't have been there.

I wouldn't I'll fucking knock you out The whole thing is crazy.I'd be like hey he was talking more showing the way up But there's so many of these guys that are picking fights.They're just doing anything they can to get attention to go viral yeah It's like a nightmare.Walking down the street and someone's like, what's up, bitch?Oh, boy.Well, I'm going to look like a pussy.

I'm not going to do anything.I hate those.It's some guy with his girlfriend at Target and they just start mocking him and mocking the girl in front of him, forcing his hand.It sucks.It's like, dude, I'm just trying to shop.I don't want to fight you.

Who are you?That's how people get shot.Yeah.For sure.Yeah, you do it in the wrong place.It's terrible.

But it's just these kids today like there's so many of them that are just trying to get famous like that The number one thing the kids want today is to get famous, you know They used to like do a list.What do you want to do when you go up?What are your goals like a giant percentage of them are get famous.That's true.What's up with that?clavicular homo I think he's the opposite of a hobo.

I think his whole thing is looks maxing to get chicks.That sounds gay to me What is looks maxing?Well, one of the things he does apparently hits his face with a hammer to put micro micro breaks in his face to make his jaw look stronger.That's just trans.You're just man -to -man trans.There you go.

Oh, man -to -man trans.I like that.You've just altered your looks to make yourself more of a gender.Wow.Yes.Interesting.

Gender affirming.Who would have fake tits then?Is that trans for girls?Yeah.Let's do it.Absolutely.

I like it.No, don't take fake tits.Leave fake tits, but you can't fucking make us ...It's gender affirming.If you're like, men look this way, then you're like, all right.You can be something you're not.

He gets laid though.Oh, I'm sure he does.He's a handsome fellow.He's very handsome.Apparently he does meth.Yeah, he talks about it because like he finds it better than Adderall for controlling his appetite That'll do it like this is the thing like they want to be lean the wheels as possible.

Yeah, I can't do meth, but I How about just self -will I don't know you overdosed the other day on stream What do you overdose on Which one is he That's him.Yeah, he is handsome.He's pretty handsome.So what did just fall apart?I actually saw this and he was what was cool about was how nice he was to everybody.Oh like even while he's like Overdose and he's like and people are coming up.

Can I get a picture?He's like, yeah He looks like he's having a definitely Molly yeah, it could be Molly that may be why he's so nice to everybody Yeah, that's not a kale.I bet you don't smile Yeah, oh shit, but is that overdosing or is he just on it?That's why it's the clips are going around saying overdosing Everything is toxic and dangerously the streamer looks maxing culture is top culture just really obsessing over anything.It's hilarious.So like a stalker is gooning.

Ooh, could be.I don't know if you're getting that right.It's a reach.Double goon.It just means you obsess over something, which is like masturbation all the time, and then it's become like obsession.But I think it's stayed with masturbation.

It's definitely just masturbating.It's basically just being as horny as you can fucking be, and it's very funny.All right.I've gooned quite a bit in my day.Yeah.Oh, yeah.

You're a gooner.I'm a gooner.All right.Can I get one of them beers?Yeah.It's beer time.

I feel like one of those.Joe Rogan's back.Yeah.Eight months off the sauce.Drinking withdrawal until Trump said you could do mushrooms as well What was that like beating the oval off pretty fucking strange the whole thing was strange How about sending him a text message explaining everything to him and him saying let's do it Whoa, dude, let's do it.And then the next day he keeps saying yeah, let's do it He goes, yeah, fuck it.

Yeah It always works out for me shut down the straight.It is a fuck He showed up at the UFC event.He shakes my hand.He goes it's done And then a week later, we were in the White House with all the vets all those vets that had taken ibogaine and saved their life Yeah, you should have had okay.It's missed opportunity You should have all those vets and then a couple like dreadlocked white guys who are also like this is gonna help me a lot Just like a shaman Well, I had a suit jacket and everything I was prepared, but it was in the other room, but he goes come on He so he brought me in the Oval Office early.You were not wearing a suit.

I didn't I had a jacket I didn't have it.I was gonna wear a tie, but I hate ties I said, let me just dress like I dress at the UFC like so I'm wearing my UFC fucking you're like Slinsky in a tracksuit I was respectable, but I just wasn't wearing a tie and but I did have a suit jacket But it was in the other room, but he dragged me into the Oval Office come over here.Look at this.It looks so beautiful now He's like showing me all the new gold work the Oval Office has like gold everywhere now.It's like all gold leaf everywhere It's pretty impressiveWho designed it?

Persians?Him!He loves gold.Definitely not the Persians.Bin Laden loved gold.He loves it.

He loves doing up the Oval Office.Shane and I took a tour.Wait, what?Yeah, we took a tour of the White House.When?Two years ago?

No, no.A year.Biden years?No, it was Trump.No, Trump years.He wasn't there, so we got in, but they're like, you can't go into the Oval Office.

We're like craning our head in with our feet just on the outside, like, hold my hand.We get in there, saw the big Gulf of America poster.Oh, this was back, yeah.He had literally just had a map next to his desk that says Gulf of America.You're like, dang.It's a map of water.

Especially because you're like walking through, and you're like, damn, Lincoln.There's a lot of history here.You're looking at all these cool things, and then you see Gulf of America next to the desk.What is that really gross bill that they just passed though?What is that FISA bill that they just passed, Jamie?Yeah, something just happened where everyone but people are freaking the fuck out bill.

It's something It has something to do with them being able to look into all your private communications without a warrant Oh, I don't like that.Is there a new one?Someone told me that every new car is gonna have AI testing to see if you're drunk or not And they also won't abuse it Look at you while you're driving to make sure that you're not hammered get video of you Get an old car.That's what I got.Get an old Mustang.Is that a real thing?

The Senate's likely to reject the House pass.Good!Thank God we should force him to reject it Jesus Christ.This is crazy three -year extension of section 702 foreign intelligence surveillance act that allows federal government to collect communications of non -citizens outside the u .s.Though it's often includes Communications with American citizens, but then if they suspect you of it like with Tucker Tucker was communicating with Putin's people to do an interview through signal so they took his encoded They took his encrypted...

and they decrypted it.Someone who knows the stuff explained to me said it cost about $600 ,000 to do that.They said they can.Decrypt encrypted messages.They just have to get the data.So somehow another they got the data off of his phone They unencrypted it and then they contacted him said we know that you're meeting with Putin He's like, how the fuck do you know?

They're like we read your signal and he's like what like but he's like, yeah I mean I am meeting with him doing an interview.I'm a journalist.Yeah.Well, that was his position But it was also his position that he's using an encrypted app like they unless they're suspecting him of a crime They shouldn't be able to look at his encrypted messages You know you're sending things on signal and no one could read them.I think that's bullshit.I think yeah more difficult to read them Well, it's a local cops are not gonna do it if you're just buying Molly right that's not worth 600 grand exactly Hegseth shit get leaked to on signal remember that like a year ago.

I think that was because those those people accidentally included a journalist.So it was like a giant group of like 10 people or something like that.And one of them was a fucking journalist, these knuckleheads.And the journalists just released all the text messages.So they were sending emojis after we bombed Iran.Here's a fun story today.

Wait, that guy?Suicide note purportedly written by Jeffrey Epstein weeks before his death in jail has been kept secret for years, locked up in a courthouse.That means investigators scrutinizing his death lacked what could have been a key piece of evidence.Brand -new note first all of a sudden exists.No one says they haven't shown it or said what it says They're just everyone's not reporting.Well, how about the fucking autopsy that says that his prostate was unremarkable But meanwhile, he had his prostate removed.

Oh boy.There's a lot of people that don't even believe he died I think he's alive.I think they just faced off them and he's living a good life somewhere.You just changed him Yeah, I think that all the people that all go to that stuff like don't if we kill youthen we're all worried about ourselves we're just gonna relocate you Israel Israel maybe that's what I heard For Metzger.For Metzger.

It wouldn't be Israel.He'd live somewhere like...Why wouldn't he live in Israel?That's the place where he's most protected.It'd be like Cambodia.No, they'll kill him in Cambodia.

You gotta live in Israel.No, there's parents in Israel.Of who?People.Yeah, but do you know that's like the number one place where like sex offenders go from America that are Jewish, that are in trouble?They take anybody in.

I didn't know that.They take anybody in.Especially Jewish people.They'll just take you in.Wow, Juzva had a run.You had Madoff, Weinstein, Epstein, the other guy.

Hell of a run, you guys.Yeah, kind of proves Kanye's point a little bit I don't love the the Kimmel shit is annoying like that's the fighting with Kimmel over the judges like come on man Here's the thing about a joke Adam crow had a really good point He said that joke he said that joke on a Thursday on Friday.Nobody gave a shit because he said Kimmel he said a joke about Melania He made his own mock White House press correspondence dinner right and he said Melania has the the glow of a woman who's recently widowed Okay, just does it it's an old guy joke like he's gonna die Yeah, it could be or an assassination joke if you want to take it that way, but he is old wait after the attempt No before so it's on Thursday, and this is Corolla's point.That's a really good point He said no one gave a shit on Friday became it came out on Thursday.No one cared on Friday No one cared on Saturday until Saturday night when the assassination attempt and then all sudden everyone's blaming Kimmel It's so funny that the right wing turned into the same fucking pussy faggots of the left wing are It's human behavior patterns you could call them left or right I mean this is why the left supports war in Ukraine.It's like the why the left supports censorship.

It's like the same patterns.It's control.Control and power.You want your side to win.Yeah, 100%.That's where they found the note.

Where?Nicholas Tartaglione found it.Who's that?The guy who killed him.The fucking super jacked contract killer cellmate that he had.You know that story?

His cellmate was a fucking super jacked cop who killed drug dealers.Dude was a gorilla.Show Ari a picture of the guy.Tartaglione is this fucking huge evil corrupt cop.Yeah, super guinea.He's like a roided up guinea.

Damn.Get a image.I'd like to see this cat.Look at that.That guy is your fucking cellmate.And he's killed four guys, four drug dealers and contract killers.

What's he in jail for?Murder.Oh.Quadruple slaying.He was in there for fucking dogs.No.

Dogs were all his buddies.Cute dogs.Cute little doggies.He's a pretty good guy.I told you he was a pretty good guy.He's fucking murdering people and then they put him in the cell with Epstein.

And then he said Epstein tried to kill him 18 days before he died.He complained, excuse me, he said Tartaglione tried to kill Epstein.Epstein complained, cellmate tried to kill him.And failed?Yeah.We tried to strangle him to death.

Whoa, and he found him on they found him unconscious and unresponsive to break out of it Krav Maga hat That whole Epstein thing is so crazy.No one's going to jail for that.It's pretty surprising that they're still not releasing it.Here's what's crazy.No arrests, no one's being brought in.Meanwhile, Comey is getting arrested for a photo of seashells that say 86 -47.

He's getting arrested for that?Yeah.He's getting charged.What's 86 -47?86 -get -rid -of -president -47.But you could say kill.

But 86 is, if you get fired,what happened to Mike you got 86 right?It doesn't mean you get killed, but this is a crazy thing to arrest someone of course FBI Arrested in Virginia appears briefly in court.Well.They already like had it out for him.I know but that's excuse Is it sets a crazy precedent That's already that's the worst Like that's crazy.

That's crazy.Are you after me?Well, now we're going after you for nothing.It doesn't matter.It's nuts.It's nuts.

Like you're going after someone for something that's just silly.It's 8647 is get rid of 47.Right.And then each, but it's just like arresting a guy for that.It's nuts.Call me.

Don't play that.Yeah.I mean, it's one thing.Like if you have like a photo of him, like an AI, you post AI photo of him dead, you know, with bullet holes and I'm like, wouldn't that be nice?But also but even that even that's okay FBI director right, but he's a former FBI director, so he's a private citizen at that point He'd already left the office.Oh, it's crazy Trump could take a shot, but not a joke It's just retaliation for going after Trump well it is, but it's like they're just looking for any reason But it just doesn't seem it seems like there should be other reasons like if the guy really was dirty You should have something on him other than a seashell He just hates him, and he's using that This was my thing when people weren't upset about ice people in the street with masks on and no identification I'm like this sets a crazy present.

Yeah, I understand you want the undocumented criminals out of the country.I agree however You're setting a precedent for militarized people with seven weeks training to be walking around with fucking weapons of war and Flak jackets with no ID and masks on that's all I'm saying like this is a slippery fucking slope you're going down Yeah, it's not.bueno.But then also they wouldn't have to be there like that if there wasn't these or there wouldn't be any conflict There was an organized paid for protests.They paid people to protest they paid people because they had the fucking all that fraud in, Minnesota yeah, but I was in Minneapolis why the fucking the protests were strongest in Minneapolis and organized because that's where all the fraud was that's where all the people were getting caught so they said well, it's Diffuse this and Mike Benz, but it's not it's not you don't just give randos guns and go all right They want to they overstep so to hear you seven weeks training go ahead go not just give Rando's guns They gave him $50 ,000 signing bonus Yeah, you get a $50 ,000 signing bonus, and by the way, a lot of them are Mexican.A lot of them are Mexican.

That's true.Including the two guys that shot that dude in Minneapolis, both Mexicans.Gotta make my nut.Excuse me, Hispanic, Latino, had Latin names.Oh, interesting.I was at the airport in Philly, and an ICE agent was like, yo, my man, what's up?

And I was like, yo, children.Fuck, don't ask me for a picture.Do you see that Trump renamed it instead of ICE, now it's NICE?I saw that.It's NICE now, instead of ICE.So now you're protesting NICE.

It's NATIONAL.Immigrations, Customs, Enforcement.He's done it again.Nevermind.Shit.Our leader.

That's funny.He's a wild boy.Still funny.It is funny, calling it nice.Is your thing about to go off?Is that why you're stopping it?

No, I just realized I left my kid in a Somali daycare.I gotta go pick him up.He'll be fine.He's nice while I was gone.Did they go nuts?Well, there's one lady that got killed in a car because she was they were trying to tell her to stay put she was Protesting and fucking with them and then she drove when the cop tried to step in front of her car.

She's clearly turned redwheel away from him She's not trying to run him over and he just talked to a cop or ice ice guys Yeah, and he said fucking an American -born citizen.Oh, yeah.Yeah a crazy lady anyone, but yeah lesbian Allegedly.Yeah, the girlfriend was there.Do you believe in them though for real?

Oh, yeah.She looked like a lesbian You don't think no they seemed legit.Yeah, she had a kid.She looked like Brock Lesnar.She's a Newly lesbian lady, okay, newly Liz.What was the backlash on that?

Yeah, pretty bad backlash, and then this Alex Pretty guy was after that.Did they manage that one?The Alex Pretty guy was after that.The Alex Pretty guy was carrying a gun and so he was open carrying or concealed carrying and physically pushing cops.It was kind of crazy.And then they tackle him.

They found out he's a gun.This is where it gets crazy.One of the border protections agents grabs the gun and is taking it away.And unfortunately, the gun accidentally goes off.The gun that he was carrying is called a Sig P320.And it's notorious for accidental discharges.

So this is confusing because it's hard to tell because the video is a little grainy.But most people who are experts look at it say that Videos that I've watched say that that gun accident Accidentally went off without the guy touching the trigger, but also the cop has a gun the cops moving away with the gun They say he has a gun cop ice people the cops say he had its border protections.It's not even ice It's a different organization so the border protections guys are moving away with the gun the gun goes off and These guys think the guy has another gun and then they start shooting him and they shoot him and kill him while they have them down This is all my interpretation based on videos.I might not be accurate, but I've seen the video It does look like the slide movesIt does look like the sound of a gun going off Corresponds with that slide moving and that gun is notorious like if you look up sig p3 20 online Accidental discharge you'll see tons of videos Let's talk for 20 minutes Yeah, she missed all the ice all the fun good for you But it's like the only reason why there were violent people in the streets protesting is because it was an organized paid for protest They actually physically paid people to be there and protest They gave them signs.How do you get on that list to get paid for that?

You gotta get on some wacky left -wing newsletter.I don't know.Yeah, you don't just put random people.Well, I mean you do have to get rid of all the cartel members and all the criminals that came across the border.I mean they let more than 10 million people into the country over four years.America has a great way of like overreacting to stuff.

They're like, oh Saddam Hussein's a problem.Let's go in there and kill a million people.Yeah, America does that.Yeah, we're like not the best people to handle stuff and we're like still like we should handle it.You know who else does that?Who?

Israel.Blame everything on Israel.I'm not blaming everything.Yeah, they're part of it.It is amazing.How many high -profile Jewish people just they have a opinion about everything but when it gets to this I Avoid that or come up with some random way to justify Annihilating an entire city.

Yeah, it's just funny to me when Americans are like hey this other country's overstepping yeah, we Afghanistan IraqThose fuckers had it really coming.Twice?The second one was just going, hey, check this out, Russia.I guess so.But yeah, whatever.

Well, that was a long time ago.That's true.Everybody did that's dead.But based on today, oy vey.Like Lebanon, bro, they're doing a Lebanon right now.It's crazy.

Well, they're looking for Hezbollah.They got to look under rubble.Mmm, Barney rubble.One more time with that lighter there.What else we got?Thank you.

There we go.It's a wild time to be alive, kids.It's wild.But at least we're going to have drugs soon.That's pretty nice.Well, at least all those people that are hooked on pills are going to get off of them.

A lot of them are, at least.It's going to at least give them something that works.How come we can't get free health care?Yeah, right?What the hell?I'm paying out the S. Why can't we do that?

I bet if they took all the money from fraud, it would pay for health care ten times more.Or Ukraine or Israel.Oh, yeah.Well, that's what's annoying, all these policies, like, if we get this much money, we can cure this.I'm like, you have all this money, what are you doing?100 % free health care would be an awesome thing, but you'd also want doctors to be incentivized to be really good at their jobs for sure, but you want The guy that did your knee and did my knee that's a piece of bad Why can't we have universal health care and private?

Yes, we should be able to have both those things like public school and private school Yeah, right public defenders.You're allowed to have a public defender the ease at which I got treated in third world countries was like Really?Yeah, you just go in Yeah, you go to a pharmacy.See somebody, like, here's your pills you need, here's your drops you need.Isn't it dirty needles and weird equipment over there?No.

Really?It's Harvard -trained doctors.Come on!Yeah, there's just no upsell for it.Universal healthcare system in America would cost approximately $3 .0 to $3 .2 trillion annually.Oh.

That's a lot.Which is actually less than the current system that costs around $5 .3 trillion per year.so we're talking about a savings of almost So savings of 450 billion annually while providing coverage to all Americans according to perplexity our AI sponsor Which is never wrong the United States currently spends about 5 .3 trillion in health care fifteen thousand four hundred seventy four dollars per person as of 2024 Even when something goes wrong and you have insurance, it's not paid for.You gotta spend five grand to get anesthesia and then another five grand to go downstairs for the surgery.What do you think is the problem?What is it?

What is causing?Insurance company trying to make you president.Oh, thanks.It's insurance company president.What I read a Jew I got my checked in Ecuador and they were like you have impacted gums I was like, all right, I was about to go home in a week I was like when I go home, I'll do I'll fix it and they're like, are you nuts do it people fly here to get that surgery?Mm -hmm because it's so much cheaper flight hotels all that is much cheaper than doing it there Yeah, and like we have a surgeon and I was like is he like trained and they're like, yeah He went to Yale Medical School dude shows up sacrifice.

Yeah This is what I clip Bernie cuz he was trying to do this so they got rid of him That was one thing he was trying to do it kind of blows.It's embarrassing.All right, let's put it right how much would it cost if?School like higher education was Lee was free.Yeah Oh, there's too much money in that.They won't do it.

Well, that's the same exact thing with health care.Yeah.Yeah.It's subsidized.It's where we're at as a country.And it's gone up.

It's the same reason we're doing wars.Yeah.Money?Just to make money.Of course.The oil?

There's nothing else.Not even just oil, but defense contracts.They need - They're raking it in.I thought it was just for fun.I mean, the war has already cost how much?Let's find out that.

How much is the war?Let's just say - Globally, how much is the war?No, no, let's just look at how much Iran has cost us.There we go.That's what I mean.Wait, shake your guess.

Let's do bets.Shutting down the fucking street.How about Ukraine?How about Ukraine?Right, but I mean just us spending money to bomb Iran.Just that.

The simplest.Just the bombs?Lowest run without the economic impact, the oil impact.What about the Hormuz and all that?Because all that's expensive.Well, that's a factor, but let's just find out how much the raw money spent on the bombs.

$25 billion.$25 billion.Ah, that's dropping the bucket.60 days into the war.How much is Ukraine?That's a lot more.

So what concerns me, not just, well all of it concerns me, one of the things that someone told me was that we've kind of depleted our weapons supplies.Already?Because we don't have that many of those fucking missiles.We gave them all to Ukraine, we gave them all to Israel, and now we're fucking using them.Zelensky's a mooch.He just keeps wanting more.

I don't think it's...Oh, you think it's his?No, I think it's...Adesanya?It's us.It's us.

It's the US.It's money, but it's all together.It's all big scam, Ponzi scheme.Everybody's making money.You should get Trump on here.We're doing great.

Don't let anybody lie to you.Maybe next time we schmooze them into free health care.Maybe next time we schmooze them into Protect Our Parks.The guys are dropping in here.Let's do free health care.Come on, dog.

It's crazy, too, because there was a pill I had to get three of.when I went to Asia or something, and it was like, I got two here, they cost me like 400 each, and then the same, it's the same drug.In Myanmar, it's like $40.Well, that's one thing that he has fixed.One thing that Trump is working on is making whatever the low price is internationally, the price that people pay in America.And he told, he's fucking hilarious.

He was telling us, I've got a friend, I don't wanna say his name, very successful, he's a big guy, he took the fat pill, it didn't work.But he was going on about how his friend Went overseas.He forgot his fat pill.He went overseas and he was in Europe and he got it for like a hundred bucks Yeah, he's like this is like thirteen hundred dollars in AmericaIt's crazy.It's not right It's not right.

And so he made it so that whatever the low cost is in these other countries That's the low cost in America.That's what it costs here now.Is that right?Yes, that's good.Everybody's on it It's like you're not gonna get all good any drug, you know, you're not gonna get all good with any president either You know, you're gonna get a lot of bad shit because all these people are surrounded by demons They're surrounded by war hawks and demons and defenseless contractors and scam artists in the pharmaceutical industry there's all these fucking people that are trying to make sure that they can make the most amount of money possible just all coke snorting demons allegedly I was watching this documentary on the homeless here in Austin and they're talking about how like I was on schizophrenia medicine I can't afford it anymore and they're out there just sprinting what happens if you take schizophrenia medicine you don't have schizophrenia I think I did that Some anti -psychotics and slept for four days Huge mistake it helps you.I think it's a slayer to fucking anti -psychotic.

He was like here take this It was expired so I guess not Jesus Christ, you know, but expired medication I was just reading this thing about that like most expired medication is actually still usable like up to 300 % longer than they say it Yeah, it's like a little bit less effective, but still good.Yeah Yeah, but I don't even know if it's less effective.This thing was saying that it's 100 % effective for a long period of time after the expiration date.I don't know why they have an expiration date.It's not like milk.Right.

Yeah, the healthcare thing is really embarrassing, to be honest.It's really embarrassing.Start mental institutions and some free healthcare for these fellows outside.Yeah, yeah, yeah.Silence.I don't know how to deal with that.

A giant percentage of those people are addicted to drugs, right?Oh, yeah fentanyl zombies you need ibogaine for all those people mental health facilities You need to get them on whatever medication to fix their schizophrenia, and it's also it's not evenlike a fucking goodwill thing.It's also like, we need to fucking clean.They're breaking their cars.Selfishly.

Safety.It's for everybody.So what are we doing?Why?Whatever.Skid Row, Los Angeles.

What's the fucking hold up?Skid Row in Los Angeles is 50 blocks.50 blocks.5 -0.The last time I looked, it said Americans pay More than two times the next country for health care and we get the 17th best coverage We're the sickest.Yeah, it's nuts.

We spend the most money Toronto's clean.Yeah, you just go right to a doctor driving around I was like, this is crazy.How did how are we getting?Why is America?I know and our shit is locked up at the CVS.Yeah, they don't have that.

Everybody's stealing A little bit of a thrill can I get the Winona Ryder thing that's cheaper.Yeah.Yeah, it's cheaper the last time I saw I saw Mark Steele where's we're in a movie theater and I got some popcorn, and I'm sure it's closed by now, and then the lady turned around and got my popcorn, and then he just had beef jerky in the movie.Yeah, they were selling it.How'd you get that?It was the most expensive item, I just reached for it.

Oh boy, that's so weird.They up the prices, it's unfair.They up the prices.I mean, you get a Hudson News Clif Bar, it's eight bucks.Not on my watch.It's ridiculous.

Not on my watch.Once you're on the plane, you're home free, you know?That's true.You're raising the cost for the rest of us.Yeah, you are.No.

You are.That's why I take a bunch of clipboards.They put that in.They factored the theft in.You're a successful person.That's outrageous.

Habits die hard.I still do.No one's going to be sympathetic towards you.You have money.I'm not asking you to.I'm just saying it's a fun ride.

I don't want it.Does the beef jerky taste better when it's stolen?Everything tastes better when it's stolen.It's so weird.Diaz, one time at the airport, he just comes off from one of those bodegas, and he comes and he just shows me Tic Tacs, and I was like, what is that for?He goes, yeah, right, I got some.

I still got it.And they just threw it in the garbage.Wow.And I was like, what are you doing?He goes, just trying to stay sharp.Joey's going in for surgery today.

Oh He's getting his tits removed He's getting that big scar, but him shirtless is rough How many times have you seen it?Just once and it's burned in.I've seen it.Joey Karate.Oh yeah, everybody's seen it.Yeah, Joey Karate's great.

That guy's such an animal.He's a fun guy.Throw high kicks and he's got his leg up to about his knee height.It's pretty good, dude.Is he around?Did he move here yet?

No, but he's coming back and forth all the time.There he is.Look at that thing.That looks like AI.That's crazy.How's he alive?

Without context of a background, it's wild.Wow.Bro, that belly is crazy.You gotta have a decent hog if you're gonna have that gut.Oh, he's got a hell of a hog.Is he grubbin' or boozin'?

What is that?Food.Food.He's grubbing?Oh yeah, Joey can't stop eating.He doesn't really drink.

Always high.He doesn't drink at all.I go to eat with Joey.It's a scene.It's a fun time.He loves it.

Oh, that poor guy.He goes off.He eats.He eats.He fucking loves food.But he's just - I already got a new Chinese place by my place.

You gotta come.He's the most fun human.It sucks.He's the most fun human that's ever existed.Yeah.No one's more fun.

He's a good egg.He's barely a real person.He's a human cartoon.Barely real.He's so funny.So he's still getting up?

on stage.He's still doing sets.Oh, he killed.He killed.He was here.He did an hour.

Oh, wow.He's got all these great stories.It's really, really good.Really well done.All right.This is the man.

Good to have him back.That's the thing about comedy.We're kind of losing the wildness.You know, when I started comedy, it was like Geraldo and all these guys are all dead now.Drugs.I think it's kind of coming back now, though.

It's coming back.I think it's coming back because TV's going away.So it's like it gets down to the root of what is really effective in comedy.Wildness is more effective.It's more fun.If you're sitting there drunk in a crowd and some dude's on stage going off saying crazy shit, it's more fun.

Yeah, because you live through them.It is more fun, but I don't know if that's actually here.There's a lot of fucking guys with jobs sober a lot of sobriety gotta get up early for a podcast tomorrow These young guys aren't like that doing drugs doing good.Well, they don't clips but they're still wild boys Some people are still giving it bringing it You hope so.Late night at the cellar used to be so much fun.I know.

When Mackie was drinking, when it was just a drinking crowd.It was a lot of whiskey.There's that here.Here.Here for sure.Like last night.

Yeah, last night was nice.We did it last night.Yeah.Oh, what'd I miss?We just had a good time.A couple of drinks.

Just some bros being bros. I was begging him to ...I've changed my new peer pressure method.He's like, all right, come on, drink.I'm like, no, I got to get up early tomorrow.I was like, dude, I'm like, oh, you're going to call me gay?No.

And lame.Bro, I've been gone.I've had time to room it out in this.You can peer.You can peer with the best of us.I got a new peer pressure.

Yeah.He goes, no, I'm just saying I want a drink and I don't want to be alone if you're a friend.No, I was like - You were such a homo.I was like, tomorrow's going to be tough for me.I'd like it to be tough for somebody else.Do me a favor.

Chug that fucking drink.Yeah, beer one.He always comes in, he has no idea what your count is, he just comes in and goes, you can do more.I'm like, I could have done one or seven and you would have no clue.You're just like, you gotta go more.DeRosa's up there too.

DeRosa's the worst.He's the number one.He's like, yeah, do a shot.It's my birthday month.Yes, yes.He's like a chick.

Shut up.He's the biggest pig in comedy.He is a pig, dude.I hate him.He'll pour shots in your mouth.He doesn't care.

He'll tilt your hand.He'll also go like, come on, don't be a pussy, do a shot.And then you do.And then 10 minutes later, he's gone, and he's at KFC.He's so funny how he shits on weed people, too.It's hilarious.

I know!He hates weed.It's so weird.I like his - I'm with him.He's a classic drinker.I'm with him, dude.

He's a classic drinker.I think he was just around a lot of - all the New York comics got sober and then just smoked weed constantly.Right.And then they're like, oh, you're drinking again?It's like, dude, you haven't had a thought in fucking seven years.What the fuck are you talking about?

Right, it's all munchies.I mean, everything can be abused.There's only a couple people in comedy that do weed, like, real good.Like Soder, Jay, where they're just the same.They're just happy.Chapelle.

Because yes, most people go in on weed.They still are out and fun.It's a personality thing.Totally.They're still active.It's also, I think it's a biological thing, because I think it affects people very differently.

Can you get high when you smoke?Yeah, Jamie gets all the smokes.Edibles just don't work on the kid.That's wild.Young Jamie shrugs him off.That's crazy.

If you try to dose him up, he'll smile right in your face.Jamie, I'd like you to have a brewski.What's going on here?It'd be nice.We talked about this earlier, and I'd love for you to get involved today.You talked at me. I didn't really...

Put on the beer!Put on the beer!All of a sudden I'm talking.Well, it worked.He's drinking.He said something nasty, and that's fine You talked at me. I'm trying to include you James a sassy bitch.

He's just being just clarifying.He's an assassin Discussion I meanlet's go watch six or Celtics.Let's have a couple great night go to a bar watch the Celtics When you get in that car a tree fell on his car Really from what the winds here.They're doing some fucking road work right in front of my house and the vibrate the vibrations The house I live in I'm renting this house.It's like one of those new I get prefab fucking or whatever those things are these new Austin houses Yeah, which are all the exact same which I kind of don't fucking like at all Yeah, it's like a 15 -foot ceiling for no reason.

It's one floor L couch everything has this type of wall.Yeah, it's like standard.It's beautiful house It is very nice, and I've the last house I was in was a fucking Queen's apartment, but right that had more soul than this place more soul for sure, but yeah When I first walked into the house I'm in now, I was like, holy fuck, this is incredible.It's just not a fucking piece of shit house.It looks like a house from a porn.It's an Airbnb.

It is an Airbnb, yeah.It is weird how money changes you.Like it changes what you're accustomed to.You get a little accustomed to the nice things.I was thinking about this, yeah, you get accustomed to the nice things, but I keep trying to change.And I'm just not really changing.

What do you mean?As a human?Yeah, the cement is dry.You're always going to be Mechanicsburg.Yeah, it's Mechanicsburg, it's light beers.It's like all of a sudden I realize I'm just getting drunk at higher places.

Right.Like I'm just in a taller building getting drunk.Yeah, with more expensive beer.The exact same deal.Everybody at Deep Creek.It's the same beer, but the prices go up.

Everybody at Deep Creek was like poor white trash.in like Maryland and then they like got rich and like when they were poor like we could just barely afford one Bud Light and now they're rich like 10 Bud Light.Deep Creek Lake is where pontooners go to party.It's like deep almost by West Virginia.Man -made giant lake.It rules.

Same with New Orleans.We'd go out to the Boca Chita and tube all day.Remember tubing?You'd sit on a river with a beer and float in a circle.If you got a piss, you'd just jump down and walk along with it.Yeah, you'd just pee in the water.

I think it's good that you're not changing.It's a good sign.It'd be nice if I could.You got some good stuff going on Literally if you said this to Shane yesterday if you go you've changed he'd be like what the fuck is that supposed to mean?Well, it's just wrong And I'd go god damn.I wish I could he dressed the same, but you're not gonna stay in a holiday Express Sure, you've handled fame very well.

You haven't gotten weird at all.Yeah, some people get weird just from the pressure of it almost everybody Yeah.Almost everybody.Yeah.98 % get like different.I'm thinking of eight comics in my head right now who have gone full diva.

Yeah, they get weird.It's very strange.Shane, I know you have not changed.Oh, the bottle?You've changed, bro.You've fucking changed.

What the fuck?Wait, you've worn bottles too, motherfucker?You went for Israel.Now this is, this is the hottest taste of aluminum.Some people like the aluminum taste.Bottle beer taste in a can.

It was a commercial I remember when I was little.What it was some it was it was somehow some beer and they go bottle beer taste in a can I was like this bottle beer better flavor like the aluminum flavor.Yeah, I like give me a glass Keystone that's what it was.That's a shitty beer in a can what my memory served bad beer across those keystones.This is a commercial 1948That's what I remember.

Look how cranky it is. I remember Cedro got independence and I was watching this commercial.Have you guys watched The Hogan Doc?It's good.I fucking cried.It's so good.When he's getting sued for taking down Belzer, and he's like, I was making $3 ,500 a month, and I'm getting sued for $500 ,000.

I was famous, but not rich.And they're like, what are we gonna do?Oh, he rules.I didn't even know he got sued for that.To go into MSG, I mean, he choked the guy unconscious, and he declared it for him.He dropped him.

He was bleeding blood everywhere.John Jones used to do this all the time, but at least it was soft mat.This was hard floor, and he just threw him.Yeah, but John Jones is doing a UFC fight against Ryoto Machida.For someone who agreed.Someone who agreed.

He does it, and then if he just laid him down, he'd be point proven.Right.But he had to bring it.He's on TV.You're drunk and on steroids and on coke.Someone's like, yo, your shit's fake.

Is that what Bowser said?That it's fake?It's so funny, too, because he's like, oh, you think I'm fake?Is that fake?You're like, no, but you don't do that when I'm talking.It is fake.

Do you remember when John Stossel confronted that wrestler backstage?Yeah, it was great.And the wrestler just bitch slapped him a bunch of times.Slapped the fuck out of him.I think that ruined that guy's career, though.Stossel or the wrestler?

The wrestler.I don't know.I think who was the wrestler Stossel still around Stossel still around, but I think it ruined the wrestlers career.Whoa does he beat the fuck out?He looks like yeah, you can't feel you in my head He looks like Sid Vicious or he's a giant dude, and he bitch -slapped him open palm to the ear which can definitely make you go deaf But I mean if you told BJ Penn in his prime or or or or anybody like I think what you do is fake They'd be like it's not and John Stossel was slapped twice by WWF wrestled.Dr. D David Schultz backstage Madison Square Garden pro -wrestling fake during a 2020 expose Incident left Stossel with pain and ringing in his ears leading to a lawsuit against WWF Jewish wrestling you think he made money are you slip right out?

I was like Batman.At least he's not pissing in a kombucha jar.He probably is.Give it an hour.Here it is, so he's grabbing him, he gets him in this sleeper hold, and he slumps, and then he just drops him.Head hit the floor hard.

How professional is he though when he gets up?What the fuck?So Belzer was talking shit, saying it was fake.Great host though, he pops right up and goes to commercial.Alright, we'll be right back.Heads bleeding and everything.

That is crazy.Oh, wow.Look at the blood on the back of his head.It's spurting out on his jacket.Look at that.What a pro.

Yeah, that is.Chris Rock could have learned a thing.Quite professional.He seems happy.Look at Mr. T. That's scary.He doesn't seem upset at all.

And then he sued.Yep.But you gotta be a pro.I guess so.But also, you gotta be, you know.I mean, his head looked like Kennedy.

$400 ,000 settlement.Next.Famously used the money to buy a home in France.Jokingly named it Chez Hogan.That's fun.He bought a house in France.

He lived in France for a while.Belzer Jew he's had to be.Yeah, got a lawsuit for that litigious.Yeah, he didn't use to pay medical bills.He bought a house.Yeah, that means it's a bonus Did you move and I think he was still doing that law -and -order show and just flying back and forth to France met him once It's the funniest thing cuz I saw him and like early early like doing those late -night shows, you know as a kid.

Mm -hmm And it was a that's comedian And then he's done, a lot of comics have this trajectory.Do nothing comedic.It's like comedic, coded, serious.Well, he was a comic.He did a lot of comedy.I saw him do stand -up in Boston in the 80s.

In the 80s, but then he became like just serious, just a funny guy in serious roles.And not even that funny.No, and then dropped stand -up.Well, I think it's just money and ease.It's so easy.It's that velvet prison.

They start giving you money, you start showing up, you do craft service, you're eating.Stand up is a blue collar job.Guy who made a song called cop killer like he's like We're both rich don't even worry about me.Yeah, that's interesting Eventually they go I'm just not like I'm not 25 anymore I know but I mean it's still a Carlin did it till he died.Yeah, it was a real one.Yeah, Rickles No rivers, but it was like anti -establishment never changed who he was and it was like what Belzer was beginning Very conspiracy theory Book on Elvis, Bigfoot, and Flying Saucers, I think it was the book.

I read it back in the day.It's a conspiracy theory book by Belzer.You have five different conspiracy books.What the fuck?UFOs, JFKs, and Elvis.Conspiracies You Don't Have to Be Crazy to Believe.

Wow.Dead Wrong, Straight Facts and the Country's Most Controversial Cover -Ups.Hit List, an In -Depth Investigation of Mysterious Deaths of Witnesses, the JFK Assassination.Wow, he's ahead of his time with that shit.Yeah, he was an interesting guy.Juanon.

Very interesting guy.Wow, people loved him.He was a respected comedian.He was a crowd work guy.He was the host.He was always the host.

He was a crowd work for us, I know, for five years.Oh, wow.Really?Crowd warm up.Back in the day, he was, you know, like a comics comic.Yeah.

But there was a bunch of those guys, like Leno was the comics comic.Totally.Back in the day.Oh, yeah.When I started, they were like the second best, they also had Pryor, but like the second best comic, who is that going to be?And a lot of people were like, it was Leno.

I'm like, yeah.Not yeah, what great in the 70s a fucking animal.That's what I hear like you get that for a reason Yeah, you get you don't just some open mic or who gets it tonight show Yeah, but it's that thing the tonight show was just no the golden thing The 70s was like the golden era forthose kind of comics.Oh, yeah I mean you had a Carlin was he got I think four heart attacks from coke.Oh Really something like that.

Yeah, maybe Pryor was four and he was three, but they were both up there.Jesus Christ I didn't know Carlin had that many heart attacks.I mean give it a good good JMO I could be how many heart attacks a car.He had three heart attacks.Okay.Yeah, I We also had a pill problem for a while.

Yeah, you had to get off pills This is like later in his life right like late late in his life.He was hooked on the pills.Oh, yeah Carlin yeah late in his life a drug deep into his 60s and 70s He was the coolest of all the old amazing guys I met she was up there for sure, but like I had to go get him a sandwich He did like a month at the store shut up.Yeah month of main room shows.Oh, yeah, and I hear yeah And I got him a greenblatt say what I go here you go there he gave me 20 bucks I was like, oh no, no, man.They covered it.

He goes.I know it's for you Don't call me that yeah, he was cool George.He was very unassuming.He was hanging out in the back area by the parking lot He would also sit back in Mitzi's chair, you know that one and and if you did well, he stayed over Mike sometimes But only if you did well, he'd be like good job, man.Wow other people didn't and you'd be like hi Yeah.Wow.

He zinged me pretty good once.Yeah, he was a real comic.He did a book signing, because he had all those books, and I brought like four books to meet him at Borders on Wall Street.And I waited in line, and all these people are going like, I love you in Jersey, girl.I love you in Bill and Ted's.And I was like, ah, these people don't know comedy.

So I went up, and I was like, I love this special, back in town, amazing, whatever.And he goes, What do you do?"I go, I'm a comic.He goes, yeah, you got a real talent for jackin' around.That's what he said.Jackin' around.

I don't even know what that means.What does jackin' around mean?It seemed like he hated me.You got a real talent for jackin' around.It seemed like he hated me.He goes, you sound like a comic.

I go, oh yeah?He goes, yeah, you got a real talent.I don't know what that means, but I'll take 70s lingo.Yeah, I mean he was around the day when Lenny Bruce was around Oh, yeah, he got arrested at his show.Did he really he got arrested with Lenny Bruce?Yeah, they were in the same cop car.

It's a big story That was his hero Carla came in the shop left Those guys paved the fucking road mm -hmm tell you that getting arrested for jokes forget a heckler blogger What ruin going to jail ruin Lenny Bruce's life totally at the end of his life He was just reading off court transcripts on stage and the people get so bummed out.They're like hey tell some jokes Yeah, like we're here for you to do the thing there's video of it I bought video back in the day VHS tapes of his recordings and one of the Recordings was him on stage in this small club like just reading off court transcripts And it was just terrible.It's like guys who get canceled and that's all they talk about It's so crazy.You did an offhanded thing, and then now it's your everything.You got beaten one race by a chick, and now that's your whole life, by a trans chick.That one.

That girl who lost, who came in fifth at a fucking race by a trans chick.Hold on a second.That one's kind of fair.Yeah, that's a different thing.She should go, why the fuck is this allowed?Not 10 years later, when she's still made it her life.

What are you even talking about?A comic got beaten in a race?Not a comic.No, he's talking about like your analogies.I don't know, it's a female athlete who lost to a trans athlete.She's going, we should have laws about this.

The swimmer?Which one?Oh, that's Riley Gaines.It's her whole fucking personality now.She didn't go to school for that.was on a track one thing happened and that she's like completely changed same as when comics get canceled I was like, well, it's all she actually had a good point because not only did she not lose to that person the Leah guy Yeah, but tied and then the Leah guy got the trophy.

No, no, but there's more to that.Yeah Thomas no they tied for fourth yeah Hey, we only have four trophies.We're gonna get killed if we don't give it to the trans lady Can we just send you one later?Do you know how crazy that is though?Do you know how crazy that is you get it give it to a guy who pretended?I'd be mad if that was at a fucking comedy competition for that no one saw no.

That's it We'll send it to you next week.Well wait.Why is the guy coming in fourth?He should be one yeah for sure This guy sucks.All of them lost.Well, he sucked as a man.

There was a first, second, and third, and none of those people involved came in first, second, and third.First, second, and third, nobody cares about.Fourth and fifth is what they're arguing about.Wait, I don't understand what your argument is, though.It's like, who cares?It's like, yeah, I'll be drunk.

No, no, no.To make it your whole life after that is what you're saying about canceled comics.They become that thing.I understand, but - She was going to school for not that, and now that's her job.Who cares what they're going to school for?You're saying it changed your whole trajectory.

What'd you go to school for, bitch?English, literature, breaking down analysis of life and stuff.Are you doing well on that right now?Yeah, pretty much.Yeah, you're doing terrible at it.This moment right here, that's failing you.

No, you say these canceled comics go and they can make that their whole life.Some of them do.This chick is not doing that.She tied a race for fourth and fifth and now that's all she does for a living.Okay, but what is an example of a canceled comic that's made it their whole life?What canceled without naming?

I don't want to name anybody.Right.But you we've just talked about that.There's a lot.I understand.I understand what you're saying.

Hey, Jew is on Netflix.Jew's on Netflix.It's on Netflix now.That is pretty cool that Netflix bought it on YouTube.They didn't buy it.They're just putting it up.

I don't care.Hit the eyeballs.It was already on YouTube.Yeah.No, I'm totally happy.you keep it on YouTube as well or you have to take it down Millions million eight million it should have been six Shane at the creek is like 53.

That's insane.Yeah, there's a Indian guy that broke the record in A week.Wow.Somebody sent it to me and they're like, he broke your record in a week.Damn.55 million in a week.

Is it in Indian?Is it in Hindu?Yeah.Is it the Canada's guy?One of their 50 languages.That's crazy.

There's billions of them.But how do you know, this is a thing with views these days though, there's companies that will jack your views up.Yeah, but that's - Sure, you gotta pay for that.Yeah, but you could pay for it, but you could get millions of views that way.You could see the difference in like, We always do this when you talk shit about people who do it.Engagement?

Yeah, they're like 5 million views, 30 comments.Right, right, right.And what is a view?How much do you have to watch for a view to count?I think it's just a click, a click off counts as a view.That's a good question.

The best is when you send someone, like an agent or something, like a clip, you know, for them to see, and they go, we watched it, we're not happy with it, and then you look at it like, still has zero views.Ooh, it's a private clip.You definitely didn't watch it.We liked it, we're not happy with it.Or more embarrassing when someone sends you something like I just did.That guy sent me something and I've watched it 30 times.

Oh, over and over?And it's just me in it.He's going to see all the views are just me going, oh, that's so sick.Oh, that's so sick.I feel bad for young comics.Everything is about views, shares, number of followers.

How many followers do you have?It's not even about funny.Yeah.I still think it is though.It is. I think eventually the cream rises, but managers will literally be like, we got to hire this guy.Yeah, but they don't know shit.

It's kind of like the industry in general.They're like, how much money did your movie make?And then if they don't mind getting an Oscar nomination.But that's not what they're really in it for mmm I just with the comics today being worried about you got to put out click Eric clips.You got to do that It's like sure yeah, it's like do it, but it's like build an act.I don't know I get Comedians always have excuses for why they're not successful, which is fine.

I did the same thing But they're all like, well, this guy, yeah, he's only got it because he put all those clips out and did it.It's like, I don't know.Whatever works.Try to be funny.Yeah, who gives a fuck why someone's doing well?Who gives a shit if a YouTuber's selling out a comedy club?

Who fucking cares?It's about you.What are you doing?Exactly.Just do your shit.And I understand.

Oh, by the way, I fucking love that thing that you did where you did that documentary showing all the leading up to Boulder.The new thing that you did.Oh, you watched it?Yeah, it was great.Oh, wow, thanks.The markumentary, thanks.

It's great.And it's a great insight as to like, Development of bits.I really really enjoyed it Mark I want you to know he told me that behind your back earlier.Yeah Just sitting out there.He's like you see that thing.I was like fuck no.

I'm not watching mark shit.Yeah It's really good.What is on the way to the special yeah?I did a 10 sold out at the Dallas improv and the special taped like a week or two later So I was just tweaking and fine -tuning and I filmed all the bombs and all that shit.It's really great cool.It's really great Because it's like him in a bodega going over the bits like reading drinking coffee Reading over his lines and then tweaking it and changing them.

Yeah.Yeah Hour and 12 minutes.Uh -oh.Not the gay quote.It's good.It's gay.

Go back to that quote.The quote is relevant.Struggle itself towards the heights is enough to fill a man's heart.One must imagine syphysis.That's a Salachus ass.It was.

Pushing the boulder.It's the boulder.We're shot in Boulder.Wait, did you do this?I didn't do that part.Who did this?

Albert Camus.The director, Matt Salachus.You should beat his ass.It is a little pretentious for me.this is.A little bit.

That's what I should have started with.Sheath underwear.Come back to Earth, yeah.Oh God, Mark.Why do you have a nice ass, you fucking homo?I'm clavicular.

Why do you have nice legs, you pussy?He micro fractures his butt cheeks.I was deadly hungover there.That's hilarious.Just shitting it out.But it's a great, it's really great for comics to see, especially young guys coming up, like what the process is like, you know, to see a guy like you who's been in the game a long time is really good.

See a bunch of specials already see you bombing and tweaking and showing everybody the bits not working well, and then working really well Thanks, I enjoyed it.Yeah, there's this idea that everything is magic No, it's just like their struggle.They're like, okay, just trial and error Like I how many times seen Louie bomb and you're like, well, this guy's the best ever Yeah, Chris Rock used to come to the store and the crowd would go nuts and he would say relax It's not gonna be that funny, right?He was just running material and trying to find every possible angle and Get laughs occasionally and sometimes not and then tweak it afterwards.Yep.Yep.

That's part of it Bob That's why Eddie Murphy can't come back because I don't think he's willing to buy You know six months six months.It's years.We've had this discussion on this play or Kelly It's the velvet prison the movies the fucking craft service getting picked up in a limo It's like the grind of writing your own material putting it all together everything riding on your back like that is a warrior's game And some people don't want to do that anymore like you gotta do a Tuesday at the stand where there's 19 people Older comics back in the day not wanting to do it because movies We're so much more lucrative.Oh, yeah Stand -up is ten times more lucrative.It is now.It's like dude do stand -up.

Yeah.Yeah, just do stand -up.But stand -up is a lot of work.I remember there was a couple people back then go I would take a pay cut if I did a sitcom and it was like a couple people and now it's like kind of everybody.You'd have to make Seinfeld money like season seven and beyond to go, I'll take off the road for this.And now there is no Seinfeld money.

It doesn't exist.I know.Miss Pat is the only person with a sitcom right now.Oh, what about this guy?Oh, that's right.But you have Tyrus.

It's different though, because it's a single camera.Tyrus is like a show.It's a sitcom.It's a show.It's a great funny show, but it's like there's a difference between the the thing that everybody wanted was the live audience for camera You do it on NBC CBS you get residuals that was like the golden carrot that they hung over your head Stand -up stand -up couldn't pay No, nobody did anything but clubs back then it was like dice clay.Yeah, it's weird Cook we saw a billboard of a poster his things like a museum and a poster for evening of the improv with him and Chris rock Who's that?

David Spade.Oh, wow.And I was there with Nate, and he goes, you did like club for this?And he goes, bro, we only did clubs.None of us ever did theaters back then.If we were really good, you'd do six days at a club.

Carlin did theaters.Legends did theaters.Dice did MSG once.Yeah, Steve Martin, couple times.Oh, Dice did MSG many times.He did Nassau Coliseum.

Dice was doing enormous places when no one was doing it.Dice was the original stadium act.But then it was no one until Dane.Right between Dyson Dane there was yeah, nobody now.It's a lot and now people are playing at Des Moines They're playing the arenas.Yeah, it's not that many guys.

I mean, it's probably at least 20 comparing arena bar got see Kevin our Sebastian regularly Hinchcliffe Louie Giant places Matt Rife, Matt Rife, Giant Places.Seguro, Seguro's doing arenas.I met a guy, I met a guy, I met an Indian kid outside New York Comedy Club.Indian kids will do something.And I was like, oh, what are you doing in town?He goes, doing comedy.

He's like, oh, that's cool, man, what are you playing?And he goes, MSG.That doesn't count.I was like, what?Indians don't count.Congratulations.

Indians don't count.Indians count as much as Christian movies count in the box office.Yeah.You'd be top ten every time.They're horrible.Yeah, that's hilarious.

Yeah, there's probably ten, 10, 12?You know.You seethe on it.Or do an arena every once in a while.Rife.Matt Rife.

Rife's doing a lot.Yeah.It's a matter of whether you want to do arenas all the time.The point is, way more than no one between Dane and Dice.Right.For sure.

Yeah.For sure.Cause comedy's so big now.Yeah.And there's a ton of guys doing 1500 seaters.Yeah.

A lot of them.Oh, Schultz I think does arenas.I don't know if he's regularly doing arenas.Oh, he does regular arenas.Yeah, he does arenas regularly.Whenever he wants.

Yeah, there you go Tony.There's a lot of people doing arenas now mostly guys from my storytelling show These three guys are on it arena comic nice theater comic club almost sells out Saturdays You Tony Nate Tom Four arena comics.That's wild.The three private jets were at that show.That's insane.And we got paid 500 bucks.

I got a story.You can cut this out.You can cut this out if you want.Cut back in.And we're back.We're back.

You should be mad.I'd be furious.It stunk, bro.I wouldn't want to do that.It stunk.With that last jet.

We need a transition.We need a transition.Let's go back.The 9 -11.Yeah.What?

What does that sound?Go, baby, go.oh I'm gonna gay ayatollah it's the only way straight to hormones Iran needs to understand freedom is the only way regime we're coming back brother yeah buddy brother we need to bomb everybody fuck health care I don't miss people I met so many people who shit on America while I was traveling it made me more nationalistic I I couldn't agree more.If I go to another country and somebody's like, ah, you guys are blah, blah, blah.I go, dude, you guys are doing nothing.Me and you are like, we need health care.

We're fucking up.And somebody's like, why don't you guys have health care?I'm like, why don't you shut your mouth?Because we have stealth bombers, bitch.All the Australians, like, you choose your minorities bad.I'm like, you wiped yours out.

Yes, we have football.Blow me.Yeah, we have college football, bro.We have college football.We got movies, music.Once you go to another country, that's when you go.

Why don't you guys shut up?Who's number two with stand -up comedy?Jimmy Carr those are two great cars great car is a national international great car is the best Stewart Lee start car is so good He was so good.He performed at the mothership.He's running all these new jokes.I was like this guy is a motherfucker Writer and so calm So smart, man.

Such a smart dude.Tight jokes.If you hear one of those brewskis, I'd like to get involved.What are you looking for this time?America!Glass or can?

I would never waste a glass on a bong.Shane, you haven't changed at all.I wish I could, brother.It's time to change.You don't want to change.I haven't changed.

You have not.I don't think I have.You're a wild boy, though.You can't go out as much.You did change, though.You changed a little weird.

You changed in unimportant ways.You're more into hunting.Wow like it's not like archery different, but that to me is like my way of staying sane No, you just gotta do a bunch of things like pool archery martial arts those things just keep me sane.I have to do thatthings that keep me from going off the rails Yeah, and you hang off of Twitter.Did you have a thing?

Oh, yeah, you have a thing where your manager or business manager one of them was like hey Joe We got it when you just start headlining correct.You're wrong.We're like we gotta have a talk with you You know like what's the matter and they're like buddy.We don't want to get us out of hand We know you have a gambling addiction And we want to get your help.And you're like, what do you mean?Like you're blowing through money in a way.

And he goes, no, I just love lobster and steak.Oh, I was eating steak and lobster every night.That was my first development deal.My manager thought that I had a gambling problem because I was spending so much money.I'm like, bro, I'm eating steak and lobster every night.And he's like, you're not worried at all?

You're going to run out of money?I'll go, I'll make more money.We'll figure it out.I'm like, once we get in the gate, like I'm one of those people that like, if I figured out how to get in the gate, I'm going.I'm going to keep my foot on the gas.I'll be fine.

Joe, you brought so many openers with you that we made more money than you.We did the math ones.We're like, he's barely making more than us.But it was about fun.It was so fun.It has to be about fun.

Because I did gigs with like local guys and some of them were great.Like that's how I got to meet Sakura.I met a bunch of guys who became my friends.that were local guys, but it was like one out of 10.And that means nine times I'm in a town, bored, watching TV, fucking not enjoying myself.And them being, sometimes they're mean.

Sometimes they step on your material, on purpose.And sometimes they'll be like, go do the negging thing a woman will do, where she's like, they'll shit on you on purpose.Like, I don't know you that well, I'm trying to be nice to you.Well, there's a lot of weirdness, because you're the headliner, and they're jealous, and they think they should be the headliner.I'm better than you.You wanna go do local material, and you're like, oh, all right.

Okay, buddy, fucking asshole.You should do this hey, let's switch tomorrow But the gigs were always a party we had fun everywhere We went we had fun fun is key like I'll do this and you make what $17.Yeah, but IOne of Tony's agents was trying to pitch this fucking horrible idea not even Tony's agent Someone was trying to pitch this horrible idea where Tony would take a percentage of everybody's podcast that was on kill Tony He was like no fucking way like he was and and I was like that money if you got it from You wouldn't it wouldn't change the way you feel you would feel the same You wouldn't you wouldn't say I feel so much better now that I have X more dollars in the bank But you would feel like a piece of shit because you were fucking people over It's you would pay all that money back plus to not feel that or not feel bad.Yeah.Yeah, give it all back You would do not be a piece of shit.

It's like There's nothing better than helping your buddies.Nothing better kind of the only nice thing.Yeah, Shane everybody Shane pays people in the road out of spite He was so fucking couldn't get over his own fat way and he goes no clubs are better than readers You're crazy and Shane's like you've never done an arena.He goes dude He's like I know what I'm talking about out of spite because I'm gonna give you a Lot of cash to come over me on the road and Shan loves like arenas are better and I pay my rent for the year Your crowds are great those shows are so fun you do 15 to 20 and just play the hits it's a great time fun is fun fun is fun everywhere you play Xbox with a bunch of guys from The NHL I don't think I've had a woman in my green room.It's just 15 dudes You can see the guy who owns arenas so disappointed to they come in thinking it's gonna be cool cuz stand -up is cool now and they come in it's me soda and Shane playing some fucking video game it just smells like body odor and there's likethere's chicken nuggets in the rider Second worst pizza in town and bring it But that video game you play brings everybody in it's a great icebreaker.

Yeah, it's the hangout afterwards I had so many memories of us like Some town and just going to anybody in the street like is there a place to eat around here like I was a photo chowder It was like what?Well all you need is us, like in a green room sometimes we're like, I don't even want to go to the bar, this is the best.It's the hang.The hang's everything.Yeah, at the mothership, whenever it was like, we're going under Mitzi's, I'm like, this is a great hang right here, we got liquor, stay right here.Yeah, but Mitzi's, once it clears out, it's perfect.

Well, once the regular people are out.Yeah, once the crowd leaves.That's the cool thing about Mitzi's, it becomes a private club after 11 p .m.That's nice.always lose my voice in there though.

Same.Well Tony's chain smoking like an old lady.Everybody's drinking, there's great music playing.He's like, oh hell yeah.Tony needs a cigarette extender.Less than a minute.

Virginia Slims.His ability to write roast jokes is extraordinary.It's very weird.I gave him an angle yesterday.Can we see?What?

Is he on the big one?Oh yeah, I think he should be going.I was like, what about this?He goes, ooh, or something like this.He goes, yeah, but wittier than that.Yes.

He thinks in like that kind of joke like roast joke form like that's how like he's so fat he Yeah, that's how his mind works.It's really fun to watch.It's like I don't that muscles a different muscle the different muscle Yeah, your guys was good yesterday It's funny watching them do a gonna be a massive thing ahead of time.Yeah, the crowds like this is so cool Yeah, well, it's cool because they get to see it worked out.I'm gonna get to see it live I'm very happy with the jokes and you're going out cold, right?You got open it.

Yeah, that's tough.I'm worried about I don't think I'm a good host as far as the hey everybody.We're on live on Netflix Yeah, I don't think I'm gonna be able to do that.I'm gonna go.All right, fuck that Just be yourself.It doesn't matter.

It don't matter.Once you start talking, it's all good.Dude, there's a video I saw of Waylon Jennings Jr. I think it was him.And they're doing like a roast, like a barbecue.And they're like, we're here waiting for him to show up.And he's been barbecuing into this thing for the last, you know, 14 hours.

And then they come in and some lady's like interviewing him.She's like, so we're ready for your roast.He goes, oh, that's not mine.He was like no, she was like, what do you mean?No, that's the TV thing No, I'd be underground and we'd have like moonshine and she had a base thing No for fun while we're waiting for the meat to come out.Yeah Just like ruin the TV version That's a lie.

Yeah, I got kicked off a last comic standing for that cuz they put you in a room and they're like They want you to have drama.They're like, what do you think?Who do you gonna beat?I'm like, I'm probably gonna lose and they're like, no, no, no, you gotta like talk shit like oh, they don't want me on here.I'm gonna bomb and they're like, what are you doing?You're ruining the show.

They want you to be like, fuck that guy.I'm going to take him down.Just say, hey guys, what are you doing with this?I don't know how you would do it.That's a tough part.That's a hard part.

I'll do it.There's just a couple of jokes that I'm like, I know they're funny, but it's like, man, that's going to be tough to tell publicly.You had a couple of jokes in there that were like, You can hear the reaction of like laughter or like oh, yeah, that's a fucking mothership crowd People that are like I paid good money to see somebody be racist tonight Those the black jokes go hard the black jokes go hard do but hey, you know, it's a rose This is what we want to see.I know but I gotta go fucking first.That's trueYeah, the emceeing is tough because you haven't emceed in forever.

But is Kevin Hart going to be there?It's definitely not like emceeing.I've never done anything like that.Of course he's going to be there.But like when he's out, if he's out first, if he's laughing, you're golden.He'll laugh.

Oh, he'll laugh at everything.Yeah, so the black jokes with the black guy laughing, you're good to go.Yeah.I'm not, it's more the internet, the crowd.Because it's in LA. I am gonna be it's gonna be live and I'm gonna say some pretty offensive things and then I'm gonna have to stay in the pocket of being like I know the people at home like this.Yes.

But now an entire room of famous people don't like me.They're gonna kill.On paper it sounds easy.I get it.I get it.Bro, I know people in the WNBA like people that work in like management and the players.

and I was going to war over your Espy's thing.Yeah, what were they saying?They were not happy with it at all.They seemed like a grumpy bunch anyway.Not happy with it.They go, you got to know who you're playing for.

And I was like, right, to me at home watching.And they go, that's not worthy audience.I'm like, no, you're in the room.We're all at home laughing.And we thought it was hilarious.Like, she didn't even know this lady's name.

It was like, Well, that's the point.Neither did they.But the Espy's was a good training ground for this.Espy's was great.I was nervous and awkward on that.No, but they got 10 million views or whatever.

It was great.It's for the internet.America.Fuck yeah.Someone save the motherfucking day.What night is the roast?

Sunday.Oh, fuck.I'm going.Damn.Where you at?The first one.

I'm getting there Tuesday.Oh, no.Why don't you go there early?What do you know I get there Sunday, and then it's the 10th.It's the next Sunday.Oh, okay, okay?

I just think I have a gig me and Lewis got matching Legion of skanks outfits With Jay does this stop you from moving?to UK Unfortunately, it's a massive opportunity for me creatively.This is like a dream for the fucking Mossad plant Yeah, maybe I'll stay yeah, it'll be fun.Yeah, you have to fuck going.Yeah, we're gonna stab you anyway.You left though it not You're right there with the guy to at least a gunshot gunshot Some distance yeah, I know yeah you I hate you Anyway, you're better.

Oh, yeah, you're better off.I think it's good.It's divine it well nothing's better off than skanks.Yeah There you go.What is it, 15 years running?Yeah.

This is perfect for you, Ari.It's my show.England's not perfect for you.Vice President?Although it's weird seeing you tied down to something.Yeah, it is.

I've never seen you commit.Yeah, you're gonna abandon.What, you gotta do it once a week?When Shane and I ran for President and Vice President, we'll get into another episode, but it was, the logline was, until one of us betrays the other, until one of us double -crosses the other one.We didn't.We didn't.

Only because you found out Lewis was gonna fuck with me, and you double -crossed him.Yes.Dude, that was nice.Of course.That was nice.I would never do that.

I'm not going to let my president go down like that.I'm J .D.Vance, bro.I'm Vance.Underrated something that happened in COVID is Shane, we're like, we're making it.

You guys were making the biggest mistake comedically.I was so mad.There was a video going around of all these stars singing some, like, Beatles song.Oh, yeah.Imagine there's no heaven.So Louis' idea was like, let's do something making fun of it.

We'll all sing a song.Let's all sing Down with the Sickness.And we'll make a video.And I was like, oh, I'll edit it.So we just got to sing it for ourselves.need every single one of you to sing the full song. And

And then I'll pick, and then I just have a full video of every single one of these dumb asses singing that song.And I was like, first off, the idea was not funny.That is gay.I will not be a part of that.I was doing it as a favor to Lewis.I was like, if you think this is good.

And then Shane called me and goes, Bad will your retaliation be if I release your video?Should do it.I will scorch the earth to get to Jamie right now.Do you have it categorized?And I kept trying to like Like it was hard to make sure they did it seriously So I was like, no, like don't fuck around.It'd be funnier if you guys are like really singing as best you can.

You fucked around in yours.I did.Oh, thank God.But I mean, it's still a horrific and embarrassing video.That whole thing was so weird.Imagine there's no heaven while granny just died of COVID.

Also, it's like, this is, this is like, it's a war song.Yeah.It's a war and religion song.What are we doing?Very, that was a very strange time where people just got, into smelling their own farts.Yeah.

Well, the COVID hit and actors had no juice anymore.They were like, Oh, we got to stand out.Please don't.Oh my God.I can't watch this.Throwing it up for you guys to see.

Actors really made themselves worthless.Are we getting in trouble?Yeah.Okay.We can't sing it.Sarah Silverman being all serious.

She's like, what stars are in this?I'll do it.Oh, she was being joked.I love who that is.Who is that?Timothy Chalamet.

What's wrong with his teeth?Oh, Fallon.Oh, Fallon.Hey, Portman.He's an opener now.You can kind of hear it.

Oh, man.This is fucking insane.This is worse than being like on Epstein's Island.Get an iPhone clamp.is so fucking weird.Well, they're not as important as they used to be, so they're like, oh, this will be relevant.

It was COVID.COVID, they were like, I'm not getting attention.Let's just do it ourselves.And you're like, you guys can't do this.The worst was the black and white one when they're like, I am ashamed of my whiteness.Yeah.

That wasn't even a song.That was just them talking.The black and whiteness?Yeah, doing the BLM thing.Doing the BLM riots.There's so many good ones.

You do?There's so good.DeRosa.I got DeRosa going.Right now Rosa will get sincere there also gets us here.We're especially he's drunk dude.

You're such a good friend You're adopted shut up Everybody was like trying to be silly, but the bit sucked so bad so bad I was so happy when you guys would do that I was at Stanhopes when this was going on It's a weird thing when people decide to do things to make themselves look like they care And it's so fucking transparent that's always a bummer you get that text like hey, can you make a video for this?I'm like, ah, it's gonna ruin my whole day cuz you like to think about it and spend time on it Yeah, it's a nightmare change your number Yeah, can you help me with this?You get one or two of those, change your number.There we go.Joe Joe Rabbit.Music, please.

Music, please.Oh, it's going to be cold.Woo, he's back, baby.Ibogaine.The Ibogaine.Ibogaine.

FDMA.Mushrooms.Yeah, congrats on the Ibogaine, bro.That's sick.Dude, that is such a win.How crazy is it?

That is such a gigantic win, especially for degenerates.They're hoping to reschedule it.They're going to reschedule the Soccerdome?and have them available to people.But what's interesting is that all this was done during the Nixon administration to squash the civil rights movement.Civil rights movement in the anti -war movement that's people don't even like mushrooms And that was also one of the things that I got to say now Yeah, this is one of the things that I got to say during the whole Trump thing you said black.

I said These things weren't made illegal It was like because it was all live they couldn't stop me from saying it and Trump just let me talk so I said these aren't illegal because they're harmful.They're illegal because of the sweeping Controlled Substances Act of the 1970s and the Richard Nixon administration to target the civil rights movement and the anti -war movement.That's why they made them illegal.They're not illegal because they're harmful.And the idea that they were schedule one for all these years when so many people are using them to quit smoking, to quit drinking, to quit drugs, to get their life together, to like relax before they're dying.Like so many people that are like filled with anxiety because they're dying of cancer, they take mushrooms and they're like, I think I'm going to be okay.

Can you get fucked up on Ibogaine?No, it's not recreational at all.Oh, it's bad.It's a bad experience what yeah like a fun time, but it's it's neuro regenerative like it It helps people that have like Rick Perry the the governor He had some sort of like natural atrophy of his brain that happens when you get older hmm within six weeks or so after doing it 25 % of the atrophy was gone six months later 100 % of it was gone Yes, it's nuts.It's it's very positive, but a bad feeling when you're doing who was this interesting Perry Rick Perry the former governor of Texas Republican governor who is a staunch anti -drug guy his whole life And then he talked to all these veterans that were using it to get off of whatever opiates.They were on try it Yeah, let me try it in secret.

I don't know whatit was let me try it in secret because he was open about talking about it and he did it and he said it changed his life too and he says this is my life now and I'm dedicated to trying to make this stuff legal.So it's kind of like Ozempic.It makes you stop doing stuff.Mozambique is weird because it does make you stop doing addictive things to it does but it cuts on your sex drive Yeah, it cuts down love like you don't get excited People are saying it keeps you from being passionate heavy cuts down love.It's just weird We were talking about that lady some of these hot actresses that are doing it, and they don't need to do it on them is hot.

Yeah.When girls are like 10 pounds overweight, it's like, would they think they're overweight?Especially if they're confident with it.Just gives them curves.Rachel Ray.When they lose all that weight and get that Ozempic face, it's like, what are you doing?

Pull up Olivia Wilde.You see her?She looks like a rigged -tailed lemur.That's what we were just talking about before you got here.Oh, man.Pull up her and a lemur.

It's dead.The eyes.It's dead on.Who's Olivia Wilde?She's a really beautiful actress.She used to be gorgeous.

She used to be fat.She's so hot.She wasn't fat at all, man.Look how hot.Gorgeous.But now look at the most recent video of her.

Yeah, look at that.Oh!Now pull up a ring -tailed lemur if you can find one.I know exactly what a lemur looks like, bro.It's a cute little nugget.Look at that.

Same old thing.What happened to her did she just hit the wall There's no way she just hit the wall.She's She was really hot.She was on some 42.She was a house at 2007.She's older.

She's 20 years older than she was on house.Yeah, but dude recently she's GorgeousNo, I don't think it's the wall, dude.Her real name's Cockburn.That's funny.Okay, but does anybody know if she's taking that stuff?

That's not even obsempic.Look at the eyes.That's a different thing.Look at the giant eyeballs.She might feel bad doing this.Yeah, I don't want to smirch the lady.

She's still pretty.I think it's a little bit of it is just like just Women have this thing where they think they're supposed to be skinny.Yeah, Oh 42.Well.They are yeah, but dude 42 Look at fucking what's her name, but Jennifer Lopez?Yeah?

Look at LeBron, but everybody else it goes out at 38 hmm Could you hand me one of those brewskis?Absolutely buddy.What are you looking for?A bottle.It's just sad that so many of these women think that they have to be weightless.Especially in Hollywood.

That's from January.I think it's just a bad picture or a bad night.I thought that was a great picture.She's still beautiful.And she doesn't even look remotely overweight.Dude, Seth Rogen looks like a troll next to her.

That's from two weeks ago.You know what I like is the big fat guys that need the Ozempic.Need it.Yeah.I like that.My friend is on the fat pill.

And some of them defeat it.Yeah, I know a guy.We know a guy.Foley.Foley.I didn't want to say his name.

Foley plowed right through Ozempic.He beat Ozempic.How did he do that?He keeps eating.He has habits.Dude, when we were doing the 999, we were three hot dogs in.

We had nine hot dogs, nine beers, and nine innings.And by the way, pitch clock.So it's way harder than when it was invented.Although we did get there early.We got there.O 'Connor had seven hot dogs before the national anthem.

That's unbelievable.O 'Connor's like, what's your strategy?He's like, I'm going to just chug these hot dogs.Chug hot dogs.passed out to the six Salt gets you fully three hot dogs in you look over he's eating a cheesesteak How full I am if you put a cheesesteak in front of me, I'm eating that shit It's like plus there's a new place in Austin.There's a food truck that Tony turned me.

Oh, yeah that has cheesesteaks there Do you know what it is don't say it we'll never get in again What's that?No, not at all.I'll ask Tony.I think I saw it on Seamless.I almost got it.It was so legit.

Is it on 6th Street?Because the food sucks over there.The food sucks on 6th.Yeah, it's a weird spot because it used to be the dirty 6th.It was all just like drunk people food.They didn't have to be good.

It's getting worse, dude.You got Black Rabbit, that's it.But there's a Fogo de Chao a block away.I think it might be R &B.There's a Fogo de Chao a block away from the club.Where?

It's down the street.It's R &B.It's on like 2nd or 3rd.I've never seen it.What is?Fogo?

It's on Congress.So it's two blocks away.Yeah, but it's not Dirty 6.It's way off.Right, right.But it's not far, R &B.

You can literally walk there.It's still downtown.These are the guys.These are the guys.I'm going there tonight.So what is it?

What's the name of it?R &B.R &B R &B steak and fries, bro.I'm telling you they're fucking cheese These guys brought them to the the club and I was like and Tony's like dude you got to try this I was like, I'm not I'm not really hungry.But let me I start one bite I Scarfed it.Oh, they got that fucking sauteed onions.

Oh, it's so good.Yeah, it's so good.These guys are so and they're crazyVery, very, very legit.Wait, go back up.Want to see his nickname?

Boo.Boo.Black guys rule.Boo Radley.Man, it's almost time for Jeremiah Love Highlights.Easy it's almost time to Jeremiah love No, no Jeremy I love sounds like a football player.

Yeah, it certainly is.Yeah, if he was a fighter he probably quit now around I don't know a guy with that name if he had autism I think he does.He's got at least OCD, but they did a nice docu - like, uh, before the game, they always, like, College Game Day always runs, like, a heartwarming story, but he had, like, autism as a kid, and they were like...We don't know what to do, and then we got him in football, and he was just a fucking animal.Oh, wow.He's just...

That's a thing with autism.He's so fast.Wow, look at him go.Wow.He's looking at his own sideline.Dude, autism is a superpower.

Well, you just gotta channel it.Yeah, you gotta like this one.Tell me about it.Look, you're gonna like this one.Norman, talk, speak on it.You gotta find a piano or comedy.

Oh, wow.I can speak about Neanderthal genes, you can speak about autism.These guys are tackling wrong.Look at him go, dude.Wow.Matt's trying to catch a guy that runs that fast.

Wait till you see him jumping up.These guys are tackling.Oh my god.It's like the correspondence shooter.Hey, Jamie, who is that guy that they just signed from Africa?He's a 21 year old guy who's never played football before he did Yeah, he's with the Eagles As long as you've got the skills we got you that was a nice kid is rolling for What a wiggle.

Oh my goodness.All they got to do to tackle him is look him directly in the eyes Oh, why cuz autism?Look at you back though.They're not gonna work if he doesn't look you back.He's dodging hugsHe's dodging hugs.

I hate hugs.Get away from him!Get him!Get him!Take him down.That's assault, brother.

His whole body was vibrating when I was hugging him.I love a great athlete.Show Joe him jumping over some people.Hey, what are you boys doing next weekend?Oh, I think I got a gig.Next week is a roast.

Next Saturday.Oh, yeah.I got to do TD Garden.In Boston, damn.What are you doing?UFC.

UFC in New Jersey.Sean Strickland, Hamza Chemaev.They're not even gonna have a face -off.They're worried about putting them close to each other.Sean has talked so much shit He's a wild dude.He's a wild dude and that shit talking that he does it's Emotional warfare cuz like you'll think about the shit.

He calls him a goat fucker Stop talking shit no filter Sean Strickland said that he said if those three go fuck if he comes up to me He said, Sean was like, I'll shoot them.I'll pull out my gun.I'll shoot all three of them.And he's going like this, boom, boom, boom.Jesus.He's talking so much shit.

But it's emotional warfare.It's like what Conor used to do.What Conor did with Jose Aldo, he had him so fucked up before that fight.Yeah.And he was just like so emo.Because Aldo was a legend.

Nobody talked shit about him.Everybody was terrified of him.And Conor was just, tuk, tuk, tuk.Constantly talking shit about him.Stole his belt at a press conference and was holding it up.And by the time the fight happened, Aldo was just so worked up and Conor was just super relaxed and smiling.

That's how Roberto Duran beat Robinson.Because he called his wife a whore a bunch.Who's Robinson?Sugar Ray?No, no, Leonard.Leonard, sorry, wrong Sugar.

How dare you?It was a little bit of that.He talked Sugar Ray into fighting his kind of fight.Do you think Strickland can do that?No.Strickland is a...

He's good, but he's not that good.No, no, no.Strickland is one of the best fighters on planet Earth.Make no mistake about it.So is Hamza.But Strickland is also a legitimate world champion.

He's a guy who's accustomed to five rounders.He's got phenomenal cardio.He's one of the hardest guys to hit in the sport.100 % he has a shot.Underrated grappling.Listen to me as an expert.

He's one of the best takedown.He's got some of the best takedown defense in the game.Underrated grappling.Strickland has a legit chance.Can I just say this?As someone who's heard you talk about this kind of stuff for many, many years, you give it up more for the person you think is not going to win.

But don't count out The underdog.No, I'll say that eventually if you give me a chance, you fucking blabbermouth.You stopped talking.Jesus Christ.You stopped.You already made your point.

Jesus Christ.Nahm is 100 % can win.He dominated Drikus' duplicy.He didn't even belong in there with him.Exactly.And Drikus was the world champion.

And Drikus had beaten Sean Strickland.But the last time he beat Strickland in the second fight, Strickland, they made him fight.He had a shoulder injury.Strickland's a wild boy, and he crashed his dirt bike and fucked his shoulder up He's in Strickland's an animal and they allowed him.I mean they forced him.I should say to fight plus 340 Listen man. I'm telling you he can win not only did he beat out of Sonya But the guy does not get tired Strickland has some of the best football players

in the sport He's one of the hardest guys to hit.He's very clever with his boxing He's got one of the best jabs in the sport Strickland can win this fight It's not saying he's going to win.Hamzat is the best grappler at 185, period.If he gets him on the ground, it's gonna be over.And Hamzat can fucking strike too.It's not just a grappler.

He's an animal.I mean, that's what I mean with the shit talk.Maybe he's trying to talk him into standing.Right, or talk him into a war or talk him into hitting the gas full clip trying to take Aljamein Sterling did a video about this and Aljamein said here's the thing if Hamza tries to just run him over tries to just take him down run him over submit him and can't do it That's a problem because then he gases himself out in the first round.This is a five -round fight Strickland is notoriously durable Notoriously an incredible shape and he's calm.He knows how to fight in wars like he's he's like accustomed to that You know, you know a very abusive childhood.

He doesn't like bullies like Strickland's is a tough nut, dude Oh, yeah in my mind.This is like I would get Hans on you fire me up This is a great fight, dude.Have you heard his trans rants?Strickland is the best at fucking just talking wild shit at press conferences.He's a wild fellow.He was on the podcast.

He's fun, man.He's fun.He gets so angry and worked up about shit, but he's fucking fun.You know what's fun?Like, now back, fun whites.Fun whites are coming back.

Oh, he's one of the funnest whites ever.I blame Chet Hanks.He broke it open.Chet Hanks!Yeah, White Boy Summer.He has a new accent.

He's got a new accent?He broke the hymen.What's his new one?I don't know.He dropped his old one.He was like, I'm done with that fakeness.

I got a new fakeness.Can you imagine if it was Tom Hanks as your dad?That's wild.You gotta live in that shadow.Colin and Chet.They couldn't be more opposite.

Who's Colin?Colin's his other son.You see he's in a ton of movies.Colin's less of a phony.Well, he's more straight -laced.Yeah.

Uh, what, Shia LaBeouf?He's getting drunk, going to jail, coming back out.Is Shia LaBeouf's dad a phony?No, I'm just saying, like, Wild Lights.He pulls off fake accents.That's crazy.

He's in a ton of movies.God, he looks just like Tom.That's crazy.He could be Forrest Gump, too.Good actor.He looks more Forrest Gump -y than Forrest Gump.

He looks more Philadelphia.What is this?Chet is singing?Oh, he's singing now?Yeah, he's doing country music.Oh, boy.

Oh, God.He can't stop.I thought he was a rapper.Yeah, he was, but country's big now.He's just swinging it every fucking bit.He just goes wherever's popular.

That guy sucks.He doesn't suck.That guy sucks.He's kind of jacked.That guy sucks.What?

He's great.Chet Hanks Jamaican accents rules.Ari, could you imagine what it's like having Tom Hanks as a dad and trying to find your own identity?I'm sure it's tough if your father was a molester, but it doesn't matter.He's molestation.He was good in Atlanta, and that's about it.

Atlanta?Philadelphia?He did an episode of Atlanta, he was good.Who?Oh, which one?Oh, Chet.

Chet rules.He was also great in Curb.Yes.Played the soldier?That's right.I didn't see that one.

You want to talk great athletes?What about the amputee cornhole guy?What?What?Where'd that come from?You haven't seen this guy?

What kind of a fucking transition was that?I never was going with it.Let's talk about athletes.That guy got in trouble for shooting someone.He's got no arms, no legs.Shot a guy.

Did he really shoot somebody?With a nub.100 % he shot him pull it up.What's cornhole?I thought he was he have to attach like a stick to the nub So he could pull the trigger got a little tiny thumb right on the stump and he could trigger ita trigger and killed a guy whoa Yeah, why did he kill the guy?

I think he fucked his stump.I don't know what happened.I remember reading the story son of a bitch He was driving the car too.There was three other guys in the car, and he's the one driving it.Stump drove the car?This guy's a badass.

Was it down a straight road?And he was a professional cornhole player?He was number one cornhole.No way.Was he the bag?There's a video of him climbing the ladder.

Climbing a ladder!Yeah, I'll show you that after this.He's getting passed around in prison like a cornhole pig.Wanted suspicion of shooting and killing a pastor in his car during an argument.Look at this badass!Oh, he can shoot guns.

I mean, you gotta hand it to him.Well, okay.Maybe if you...I'd like to stand on there, Mark.Less limbs, less movement.Less limbs.

It's not this end, it's just this.It's more stable.I went out on a limb.Oh, you son of a bitch.There's his cornhole strategy.He's unbelievable.

And now he's in jail poor guy he could have been a hero of our generation um so did he kill the guy for a reason I'm sure Lost his limbs bacterial infection at 10 years old demonstrating shooting.So what is the story?Accused of shooting a guy during a driving argument.He wanted the two guys in the car to help him get rid of the body they refused and then he Dropped them out of the car went and dropped the body somewhere someone found the body and then they came after him.That'd be tough to dig a hole.Bro, the way Ari leaves is astonishing.

Ari leaves like a ghost in the night.Well, he's old.They gotta piss every 10 minutes.I'm older than him.He drinks prune juice.Goes right through ya.

So as an argument, he just shot the guy?You'd think it would take so long for him to pull out the gun, he would just smack it out of his stub.You'd think, but I think when that guy comes up to you, you're like, what are you gonna do?You're not scared.So the guy's got all the time in the world I'm a hunting blind with a rifle on his back.Look at this psycho God, he's like a slug very capable What a pull Wow, I mean you gotta hand to the guy for just being independent.

Yeah, I mean we're being mean to him I want to make sure he's a murderer before I make fun for being the guy in the backseat was a real disabled He's definitely a murderer.He's in jail.He's in jail right now.You better believe it huh found a nearby yard That's who you want as your bunkmate.He's not right now.It's dead at the scene He was tracked to Virginia Hospital and arrested said to be he was in a hospital.

Why was he in a hospital, Maryland?So really the news so the guy punched him and he had to go to the hospital So he was it was tracked to a hospital.So the guy who he shot was the guy punching him sounds about right No arms and no legs, he's got to do something to fight back shoot.Yeah, but that's what's weird.It's like what?It says the good so happy, but it said if it says he went to a hospital Why was he in the hospital so did they get in a fistfight, and he pulled the gun But it's a weird situation if he was at a hospital like why was he at a hospital yeah We don't know the whole story.

I don't know.Anyway, he plays a mean cornhole.Asked them to pull the body out of the car.They said no.They got out of the car instead and he drove off with the body still in the car.Oh boy.

How's he gonna get him out of the car?He's got no arms.Is that Bieber in the middle?Yeah.Oh, I thought it was the same car.Celebrity what did Bieber get arrested for by the way go back up look how dashing Bieber is in his mugshot Did Bieber get arrested for looking cute perfectly straight teeth?

Low hand's not bad either.Low hand's not bad there.Low hand rules, dude.Low hand's hot again.I co -starred in a movie.She's back.

Oh good, low hand and fruit.You co -starred in a movie with low hand?Yeah, worst movie of all time.What was that?Inappropriate comedy, directed by the ShamWow guy.Lohan we had an Academy Award winner Adrian Brody.

What?Who's the chick who got drunk driving who was in the Avatar boom that one at the end Rodriguez?Why don't you get a do II Rob Schneider's in that Oh, but everybody who's the middle lady with the is that really the worst movie ever?It's on it was on Rotten Tomatoes is the worst movie of all time and for a while.It had zero How did Adrian Brody get roped into that?Yeah, what happened to him that he got roped into that?

He was on a downturn of his career.He came back, he was on a downswing.You know what's crazy about Brody?He's banging Harvey's wife.Wait, am I in there?Oh, you know who else is in there?

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.Theo Vaughn, mountain climber.Wow.Ari Shafir, there we go.Oh, the amazing racist.With some writing by Christina Pazisky, did some writing on this.

Okay, how about that?Dante is the racist assistant.Rob Schneider is JD.That's what I was offering black people a free trip back to Africa So when you got the script did you realize it was gonna be that there was no script Vince came to me It was like hey those amazing races you did can we make more of those?I'm like, I don't know them then he goes can we make new ones?I was like, yeah if you want to hey it earned 172 K For a location - $625 it's opening year!

Pictures of one person in the theater.I like how it says inappropriate, but for some reason a PP Was all about apps.It's a whole backstory line.None of it made any sense like dating apps.Yeah 2013 This movie was so fun.I've never heard of this in my life We went to the border and I was doing a set -up scene and some people were fucking running and crossing But it's so crazy like Adrian Broder is a fucking legit actor.

He was he was down and then he went back up Well he was in a separate scene he was in dirt flirty Harry Bro we should have a screening of this on the next protect our parks.I would love to see this Let's watch it and talk bro.This looks so bad It's so bad.Who's the girl?The girl with the brunette right there?Rodriguez.

Oh, the girl from Aliens?Isn't she in Aliens too?See if she's in Aliens.She's Vin Diesel's lady.That's crazy.They got her in this?

Yeah, kids in cages.How does this ShamWow guy talk everybody into this?Money, bro.GS gave me advice.It was like, hey, they want me to do this thing He was Ari every once in a while.So people at home I will say so like you guys were making dog shit like this Yeah, and then I was like cuz I wasn't really around for that.

Yeah, and then it's like man I can't believe cancel culture exists.It's likeoh, now I get it.Put an end to this horseshit.It's so bad.I'm with the libs now, dude.

That shit stinks.Fire everybody.2013.Those Amazing Races videos were probably like 2005, 6, 7?Yeah, 5, I think.I think those videos were before the whole Mencia thing at the store.

That's right, because he was like, who are you to say anything about racial jokes?And I was like, am I racist?Yeah.For that, yeah.Wow, that's crazy they got Adrian Brody.He's probably paid money to try to get that released like deleted.

I've never heard of it.No one even knows about it.They do now.They do now.That's right.Millions of people are currently listening.

Yeah, you guys are actually gonna make a fucking ton of money on that movie.Is he alive?Oh, yeah.He did kill Tony.Recently?Yeah.

About a year ago.He got caught biting that hook.No, the hook was biting his tongue and he had to like get off my fucking tongue.He bit her back or something.And he was like, he did something.He assaulted a hooker and got arrested.

That's not so bad.What was he doing with his tongue?She bit it.Why do you have your tongue involved in a hooker at all?What's happening?Yeah, you don't kiss a hooker.

Well, you do if you're drunk.Passionately.Yeah.Sometimes you pay for just kisses.I wish you were my girlfriend.We knew a guy at the comedy store who would pay extra, I'm not gonna say who, but who would pay extra to fuck, to go down on hookers.

Really?Yes, to go down on hookers.You don't know him.He's the funniest he would be open about it Guys running for Congress balls again like here.It's like Cedar Park.What yeah, what is his first name?

bills in Congress?Headset no tax on Social Security.That's reasonable great parental class view don't know what that what does that mean?Our homes we do not own classes a woke buster ring cameras in classes.That's not a bad idea.Oh n triple x on x pornography on oh boo sounds like this guy wants to jerk off to kids and he's pretending to be a congressman to go we should set up cameras in schools healthy screen act i like number five cowboy has to be assuming a customer service that's not bad that's not bad like agent agent yeah that'll ruin india Oh, interesting.

Children need to pray?Oh, come on.A lot of kid stuff coming out of this guy.Yeah.Does he have children?Cowboy coats for kids.

Find out if he actually has children.Doubt it.Doubt it.Let's find out if the ShamWow guy has a family.Oh, we got a Jew here, Shlomi.I gotta tell you, he sent me a ShamWow jacket.

Did you wear it everywhere you went?Made entirely out of ShamWow.Did you wear it everywhere?He is a charming fellow.He must be great when it rains out and that thing weighs 80 pounds.And he was just great at it and he goes I'll take out like Byron Allen like late -night spots and just sell to more people you must made so much money I'll tell you I got a good sham Wow story one time.

I was saying at my buddy's house I stood up in the middle of the night.I was he gave me his bed So I was in that but his roommate was in the other bed It was in college and I just stood up and pissed on the other guy's bed while he was in it Then in the morning, I got a sham Wow, he soaked it all up.Just pressed it against this guy.Is that what it does?It soaks.Yeah Well

it's a shammy cloth the shammy cloth is the thing they used to wash cars with forever He said he said he went to seven companies in Korea.He goes send me each one He goes this one's the best one or I put my name on that So is it like a synthetic?Version of a shammy cloth because the shammy cloth is like an animal skin cloth that you used to clean cars with no idea Yeah Shammy cloth is like you wash the car and then the car has all this water on it use the shammy cloth first and then you polish it with with like microfiber cloths.It's what it is.Actually, yeah, it's very absorbent.Yeah.

I like the shammy thing.Yeah.Yeah.It's a good product.It reminds me of, yeah.I used to do that.

Yeah, I used to do that.I used to work at a car wash. I used to work at an auto auction.There you go.And a dealership and a garage.Oh, there you go.I used to do it all the time.

Which is why tires are so good.It's out of knowledge, for sure.You're right what you know.You need a muscle car.You need a muscle car, Shane.I do.

Hey Shane, you know what this massive purchaser's made?Doing it wrong.No, no, no, he's not doing it wrong.I'm happy with that one.That one's great, but how about also, how about also you get like a modern muscle car that works really well.Do you know about Revology Mustangs?

Have you ever seen my 68 Mustang?Yes.My bullet Mustang?Yeah, that shit rocks.Rocks, right?There's a company, this company, Revology, they're the shit.

They make a brand new 1969 Mustang.Well, that's what I wanted.I wanted an old, you know what I wanted?Look at that.This is Revology.So this is, no, the guy, Tom Scarpello, he worked at Ford, he made the Ford GT.

Can you imagine me getting out of that in fucking gym shorts?Me, I do it all the time.Yeah, but you look cool.I would look like a fucking idiot.You look cool, you look like a fucking American.You do look American.

You look American, so that's what I have.I have that car on the left.I have that car on the left.Are you done with the sickness?I have, um...What, you have that one of the blue?

Well, mine is actually green, like Steve McQueen's.have a green one 68 But but point is he makes the do one which is even cooler than the 69 the six go to model 67 is the one go to models and This is six and a half no no no no the new 69 is the shit that one the boss the boss 429 click on that So it's just the old body with a new car.But it's not an old body.It's a brand new exact version.Yes, it's a full factory.It's a full factory, but it's completely reliable.

I can't drive that.I will force you at gunpoint to drive that.You need one of those.You need a black one.No, I need a 97 Land Cruiser.Ooh, that's a cool car.

Oh, you do?Yeah.That's what I was like.I have a 95 with a supercharged Corvette engine in it.And I need a new car.You need a Buick Regal.

What you got is perfect.You need a nice Buick Regal.Do you want to tell people what you got?You need a LeBaron.No, don't tell people what you got.That's a real car.

I love those Jamie pull up mine.I have a 1995 that TLC made me and I had to put a supercharged Corvette engine in it and then I had Colvin automotive change the supercharger jack it up to 800 horsepower and It's got exhaust now.Oh, it's a total apocalypse car.It's got a gun safe in it.It's got everything Who's the nerd that's my friend Jonathan Ward who fucking built the car for me?You need you need a 69 boss, that's what you need When I was worried that well I had a family and I was worried that at one point in time LA was gonna experience an apocalypse and I had to be able to drive somewhere with There's no roads.

I got an extra -large gas tank on that thing.I have steel bumpers all around Sliders on the side.I wanted to make it so I could just go run over protests.I can't wait to die at the gatein front of your house when the apocalypse happens.You're not gonna die.

I can't wait for someone with a 50 gallon smoke.I'm gonna let you in.Come on, dog.How dare you?Come on.How dare you?

Save me.You're parked there like, do not get out of your car.By then, we'll be at the ranch.We'll have the ranch fully operational by then.But between now and then, you need a fucking Mustang.You need a boss, brother.

Is Mustang the only one they make?Can we get like an old Porsche?Can I get an old...I'm too big for an old Porsche.You're too big for a Porsche.Land Cruiser would be sick.

There's another company called RSR Recreations.They make a 911.You can get it with no fucking AC, no nothing, it only weighs 2 ,000 pounds.You made a 911.Dancing Jews, counting.I knew about it on 910.

Dancing Israelis.Don't google it.Don't google dancing Israelis, whatever you do.Don't read into that story.You'll go, hey, what?Wait a second.

APEC, what?APEC?How much money?All right, there's my fucking platform.Healthcare.Let's get rid of APEC.

Let's get rid of all those fucking lobbies.Let's get rid of all lobbies.Yeah, all lobbies.Not just APEC ones that are convenient now.You need a muscle car.If you don't want to get that how about a new muscle car how about a?

Shelby a Shelby Super Snake are brother.I'm never driving that brother.I bet you should you need one car you need What do you want?I have a pretty small house in a tiny garage First of all you need to do your fucking Now so you need a new look at that.That's a Shelby super snake.I can't drive.

You know what that would look like me getting out or bring I'm not gonna get hard 850 fucking horsepower, that's gonna be great to pull into a parking lot.Shut up barry the open roadShut up, Ari.I was telling Ari back when Ari first started making money.I go, Ari, please get a nice car.Please just get a nice car.

How about a Cadillac Blackwing?2022 Toyota Corolla.How about one of these?How about a CT5V Blackwing?How about that?Can't have a Caddy?

Come on.I agree.Bro, those things fucking rule.That's my dad's car.No, no, no.That is not your dad's car.

That's a black guy.That thing has almost 700 horsepower.They're reliable.They're reliable.You can solder the fucking hood shut for five years.Why would you do that, Ari?

You have money too, Ari.You drive me crazy.I was trying to get him to buy a BMW M3 in like 2008.Ooh, that'd be nice.I love a BMW.Why didn't you do it?

Because I had to put all my money into this goddamn storytelling show.The point of me, I put my money into that.Yeah, but you made it back already.You told me you made it back quickly.You spent more money.Yeah, I had to make the budget back.

The end available right now at R .U.Shaffir.I've tried for years, maybe decades, to try to talk you into buying a nice car.Yeah.He can't.

Look at that hat.It's New York.You can't have a nice car in New York.Yeah, you can't have a nice car.I got an old big one.You got enough money to have a house other places.

You should get a house out here.Get a house out here with a garage and keep some nice cars in it.She could fucking I'll give you the fucking money tell me what car you want a Watch if you'd wear it if I buy you a watch will you wear it sure sure How many times every day?I'm thinking I shower with this right, but if I bought you a real watch I mean not like a Rolex one of those astronaut fuckers Yeah, but I don't want to protect our parks.I'm gonna get you a Speedmaster.Oh my gosh.

Can I tell you what he wants sham?Well?He wants that size watch not a bulky one.He wants a thinner watch This is not too bigThis is a Rolex.That's crazy.

But it's on a rubber strap.It's a little understated.G -Shock's are great.G -Shock rules.Sick.Would you wear that?

Indiglo?Would you wear that?I like a metal band, but yeah, it's a good -looking watch.Right.$400 ,000?What did Louis get you?

He got me the Oysterface, or what do you call it?Oh, okay.It's really nice, and it's inscribed on the back.Thanks for working with me, LCK.Yeah, but you don't even wear it.It's on my shelf.

It's propped up.Okay, so if I buy you an Omega you're gonna wear hell yeah Norman Norman, you're gonna love this Egypt gave me the coolest thing that I have which was Norm McDonald's cup on the late night From Norm doing Talk show?Oh, Letterman.Wow, that's a great one.That's the best gift I got.I would protect that.

Imagine if a chick comes over your house and drops that.Can I have a cup of tea?Whoopsies.Oh, I'd protect it.It's on my mantle.It's above my face.

Wow, that's great.I'd put ring ropes around it to cushion it.Yeah, I probably should.Mickey Mantle.That's a guts a good one.That's the best one those Rodney notes are great.

Oh my god, and they're amazing in the green room Rodney knows from his Tonight Show special school Whitney got us those what Rodney's wife donated she found out about the club She knew we were doing it and she donated it to us.Wow It's amazing and you get to read them and you see how they like would like make the punchlines bold and all the nose then old punchline Yeah, it's cool.Just it's like the feeling the spirit of like joke writing is in that room.He was it was a drug addict Was thatReid was illegal...He enjoyed drugs.

I don't know if he was a drug addict.When Reid was illegal and cops would come into a club, he was in, he was just smoking weed, he would just go up to them like, hello officer, how you doing?Just holding.He knew he was immune.No one's gonna touch him.I told you guys when I worked as a security guard, when I got to see Rodney perform, when I worked as a security guard.

Whoa.I know you beat up a guy with a walkie talkie.No, I didn't beat him up.No, that was Alley Cat.That was my boss.He beat up a guy.

First day cat.So what happened was one of the guys from my taekwondo gym got hired to be security and they were like, bro It's like 50 bucks an hour.It's really cool.You get to see concerts So we all went and I got to see Rodney there Rodney was backstage with nothing on but a bathrobe open.He was he was Completely naked.No, I didn't see that I saw him walking around with slippers in a bathrobe and then he went on stage with nothing but a bathrobe Bathrobe naked underneath went on stage that way in 1986 Fucking destroyed I was 19.

I was mesmerized and back then I wasn't even thinking about doing comedy I was just fighting and I was enjoying it and I was like, this is this guy's so free I remember yes, like this guy's on stage with a I mean destroyed I get no respect no respect at all and the fucking place is going nuts Punch line after punch line after punch line.I was 19.I mean I was blown out and you were working I was working.Yeah That's a good gig had to see the shows That was also the job that I quit when you know what the whole thing would happen with kovat where Neil Young pulled his music off Spotify because I was giving out vaccine misinformation wait is that until he couldn't get it played out elsewhere.Yeah Really didn't even own his music.It's all bullshit But anyway, I

didn't shit on him at the time even though he's trying to ruin my life because I I was a Neil Young fan, and I told the story about how when I was a security guard, the last day on the job was a Neil Young concert, because a riot broke out.And a riot broke out, and I was like, I'm not fighting for 50 bucks an hour.I fucking zipped up my hoodie, and I just walked out, and I never even got my last check.Damn.It was cold out, and Great Woods in Mansfield has a whole lawn.It's an amphitheater, so the front part that's all seated has a cover over it, and then the back part's a lawn.

And it was a little cold out, so these fucking animals at the Neil Young concert started lighting bonfires and so the security guys had to come over and tell him hey put out the fires and drunk guys were like fuck you and my friend Larry punched some guy and Larry was like the nicest guy in the world I'm like oh my god we're having a war and so the fight started breaking up and as soon as like my friends were safe and we were I'm like let's get the fuck out of here I put on my hoodie and I just quit.I'm like I'm not fighting these fucking people and that was my last day on the job as a security guard.Lighting bonfires and fist fighting at a fucking Neil Young concert.Ten Taekwondo black belts including like national level competitors that were all security guards They were just waiting to kick somebody into a roundhouse and kneel young fans All right go hold on no volume I remember that was his COVID time, huh?Yep.I remember you'd wear that.

Oh my gosh, Shane, fuck you.Is this ours?Oh yeah, yeah.I was like, I'll add this song.What's with the glasses?I don't know, I was doing something.

Skiggles.Oh my god.This is brutal.I forgot that was my best part.I said, I'll add the music.This is like a hostage video.

Please turn this off.This is horrific.I love the DeRosas so much.And he took it so serious.That's not as fun as Roddy naked.That was tough.

Goddamn Shane, you killed me.That was tough.I did not enjoy that at all.That was bad.I'll turn it.Did you see the Scientology speedruns that were going around?

What's that, Jimmy?These kids are breaking into Scientology places all over the country.Oh, they're breaking into them?Why?They're doing what they call speedruns.Speedruns?

Yeah.No, let me see this.They're trying to get as deep as they can possibly get.Into a Scientology building?The Scientology building removed all the dorky Scientology secrets.Speedruns.

Wow.That guy at the White House corresponds.Yeah.So cold.Oh, you wanna play a game?No, I don't.

Damn speed runs.It's such a great way to go through something just run as fast.This is a trend.They'll kill you those guys Now that they've like they've taken the the handles off the doors on the outside.I went I Went me and Natasha went to a to a Scientology once a vine.Yeah, I was they kind of got me a little they were like, can we get some information?

I'm like, I mean my home address if you want and she was like, what the fuck are you doing?I'm like, I don't know, they're kidding me.The book they saw was, it's good for ages eight to eight, wow.So this kid just ran through?Yeah, so they're just busting through, making noise.Maybe whites are coming back.

Causing as much chaos as they can in like 10 seconds.They're not really doing anything other than just, good for them.And all these other people behind them, are they Scientologists?Or are these just all kids?These would all be the kids running through buildings.Oh, so there's more than one kid.

There's multiple kids.I think 30 of them.Good for them.Because some will get through.Oh, look how deep they're going.Yeah, they're just trying to like, what's inside?

What are you guys hiding?I love these guys.really has ever seen inside those buildings.They're having fun.Oh, how weird.And they just run out the exit.

Well, they're like the second biggest real estate holders in Los Angeles.Yeah, they're crazy.Oh my god.Look at this guy trying I think it's like China and then Scientology raid with Jesus.They're trying to open the door.Oh, I love it.

This is so crazy.Dude, it's over.They got you.They deserve this.Those guys are cunts.Look at the inside though, too.

I've never...Scientology has a voting block in Los Angeles.Wow, it's pretty cool inside.It's like a museum.Look at that.Wow, I want to go in there.

Wow.Yeah, you take a photo outside their building the old oak Taffley Well, I remember during the 90s a lot of people were thinking about joining Scientology because it was really good for your career, right?West Tom Cruise Brian was in an acting class with a Scientology guy and I remember he was like telling me that like a lot of these Scientologists they like get really far in acting because like you get connected and Right.Deepest recorded Scientology run.Just started recently.I think like this month.

Good for them.Look at this guy moving.Look at this guy with the fucking suits trying to stop him.Put a hand out as if that's gonna do it.Very unenthusiastic.Hey, did you guys see the fat principal who stopped the school shooting?

Yeah.That was amazing.He got shot in the leg.I think it was in Virginia.He got shot.The guy came into the building with a gun, and this fucking principal just rushes him, grabs him, tackles him, holds on to the gun.

He got shot in the leg, apparently.Badass.He's dead, bro.An old fat guy.And then he went into a party.The prom.

Yeah, it was the prom, like a week later, and everybody went crazy and cheered.He became prom king.Very emotional.Stopped the shooting.It should have been 20 deaths.in its tracks as the guy came in through the front door.

You do have one moment where you see it, you realize, and you're like, let's go.School principal injured in school shooting.Shooter identified as former student.Former student?Oklahoma, that's where it is.Wayne Coyne?

Yeah.Wow, look at the guy.That's the guy!But if you watch the video, the guy fucking literally threw himself on the guy with the gun.Completely heroic.Show me his face again, dude.

That's the guy who loves brewskis.Oh yeah.Barbecue, sandwiches.Give me a barbecue, brewskis.I'm gonna tackle this fucking weirdo.He's probably not worried about his death.

He's a hero god damn it didn't cash Patel say that about somebody see you yeah corniest fucking shit ever that's a rough one.Your watch is over.We'll see you in Valhalla, brother.Shut up.I was watching a video on what a 30 -odd six round actually would do to a neck.Oh, no.

Here we go.Yeah.They showed what The actual rifle round would do to a person's neck versus like what you saw from Charlie Kirk Yeah, there's a lot of people that don't think it was really that guy on the roof that shot him That was something else.Some people think it was a microphone, but the problem Yeah, the microphone shot him in the neck like there was some sort of an implemented destruction device The problem I have with that is you don't see any fire coming off of the microphone, right?Like if a microphone is gonna kill you it's gonna shoot you somehow or another It's got to be an explosive charge and then you'll see a flash and then something will produce projectile from that into your neck say a microphone shot him and then yeah somebody shot him right shot him shoot your neck wouldn't go far away you would imagine it would and in these videos that I saw it like shows a massive destruction so what they're using is ballistic gel and so they have like a fake neck and a fake head and like a spine they show ballistic gel what it looks like and it just blows the neck completely apart.It's just splatter, a giant opening wound, because this tissue is very soft.

I mean, this is not durable tissue.And he got shot, and it was not even an ache.hole.Did they catch the guy?Supposedly.You don't know that?

I think he makes fun of college kids.You're right about that.That's not wrong.Why?They're like, I think he got killed.And I was like, oh.

Bro, there's many, many, many, many, many layers to that story.Pass the weed.Pass the weed.Man, I don't even know that guy.Pass the weed.Dude, I was looking for weed and I was smoking.

I'm like, I'm looking for that weed.In Guatemala?Yeah, at a bar.What is the legality of weed in Guatemala?Same as like five years ago here, like do it quietly.Oh, you can get arrested though.

And you wind up in a Guatemalan jail.Imagine if we had to bail you out, like fucking the A -team.You wouldn't even know.We would never bail you out.I would.I'd go there.

Let him sit there for a little.Nah, I'd hire people.You would fly to Guatemala?100%.100%.Yeah, if I was in jail in Guatemala, 100 % we'd get him out.

Nah, that'd be fun, though, to let him sit for a few days.Yeah.He needs to learn his lessons, dude.One lesson, of course I'm gonna get weed.I'm the guy who gets weed.The lesson is, keep getting weed, man.

We'd have to go get him.I'd make you guys come with me Whoever filmed you're fucking that whole yeah, that guy yeah, he'll put some witty quotes State of emergency because gang prisons you'd be in that gang getting fucked oh Good to get you back in the camps.I can't have you in there, Ari.Getting fucked by these Guatemalan dudes.Dude, those guys who gave me weed and told me about Charlie Kirk, they were like, what do you think about Trump?I'm like, I don't really know.

And then I figured out how to turn it away from that conversation.I go, how's your guy?And they go, our guy's shit.He's so crooked.Maduro?No, it was somebody in Guatemala.

Oh, sorry, wrong country.You just turn it on their guy, they love talking about it.It's not Maduro, it's far away.Yeah, turn it on them.It's like, he's crooked.He takes money from corporations.

I'm like, yeah, we do that.Boo.Better than El Salvador.That place is...even crazier no what they did they stopped all the crimes didn't they have a ton of gangs they threw them all in giant prisons and stopped all the crime they drove them out killed the rest Can we do that?

Their crime dropped off a fucking cliff.Maybe that's why it's a big story here, Mark.No, that guy is a hero to everyone there.They all love him.Look at this.Agreed.

Everyone who was there loves him.Everyone who came in later was like, oh, so -so.That's El Salvador's prison.We should do that to Orson Welles.Look at the guy in the back.He's kind of fat.

He's eating well.I bet there's a few guys in there that don't belong.Yeah, no, there's a story here that anyone with a tattoo get arrested and they're like no No, it's anyone with a tattoo of a cop.You've killed with his badge number.They got arrested All the Nate Diaz's All Nate Diaz's Yeah, they do look like Nate They're all gonna stand up and go, what's up?What's up, bro?

You got that country back Damn, the tattoo guys are actually cleaning up out there Wait, wait, let's see if we can see his badge tattoos When you tattoo your face up like that, you are not fucking around So a lot of the face tattoos are loved ones they've raped No.What?Did you just make that up?No, I didn't just make it up.What?You get extra points for raping a mom, a sister, an aunt.

Your own mom?Yeah, buddy.Wow.It wasn't a great situation.Where are you coming up with this?Talking to El Salvadorans.

Oh my God.In El Salvador.I think your Spanish was a little broken.They had a soccer game.It's non -existent.Can you speak Spanish at all?

Oh yeah.They had a soccer game.Say something.Order pizza.Yo quiero una pizza por favor.Oh come on.

That was Yo Quiero Una Pizza.They had a soccer game they played here in the port town where they cut babies out of a woman and play soccer with it.Oh my God.Hey, it makes soccer interesting.Their gangs are trained by US, but pretty strong.So they got rid of them.

What they did was nuts though.They just made these giant super prisons and just put everybody in there and the crime dropped off a cliff.Damn.I went to Independence Day parade there.It was wild how much everyone is like, what are you doing here?This is wild.

Our guy is the best.It's the only country where they're like, we love our guy.Everyone else, we hate our guy.They love their guy.They wouldn't even let him into Nicaragua.They wouldn't let Ari into Nicaragua.

Fake news.They love that guy.They love that guy.That was the first time they could go out in public and do anything.What's his name?What's the name of the El Sal?

He's half Arab.They don't care.What kind of Arab?I don't know.The good kind.Is there?

Not Palestinian.No, no, no.I just mean...The claim that specific face tattoos in El Salvador mark someone who was raped a family member is not supported by credible evidence.By the way, what credible evidence do you get?Talked to so many people there, so disagree with this.

It's hard to know, because how many people are documenting this stuff in peer -reviewed papers?What is perplexity drawing from?Yeah, this is what happens.Yeah, I'm sure a lot of it did happen.Yeah, I'm sure a lot of it happened No, I there was a guy that used to be the fucking doorman at the improv And he showed me this cartel video of this guy getting eaten by a pitbull and it still haunts my dreams Yeah, I was he was tied up arms and legs and the pitbull was eating his dick People was just completely locked on this guy's crossScreaming Michael Dick, and he goes hey man check this out this my friend sent me this from the cartel And I'm like why are you showing this I have to go do on stage or 12 minutes?

Just this giant headed pit bull was locked on this guy's dick and he was screaming and I've never forgot it.Well, it's, yeah, the internet hit us at different ages like that, because I got hit with those when I was young.I was like, that's enough.Yeah, but if I was an adult and somebody showed me something horrific like that, that does stick with you.Oh, yeah.We have a text chain.

It's the worst shit that either one of us find on the internet.They don't really toss those around anymore.The cartel videos.Yeah, this was someone who was a cop sent it to this guy.And then this guy showed me.God, the shit cops must see.

All right.Tough.They need the Ibogaine.They got high suicide.Oh very high very high.We all first responders.

They all have much higher suicide rates in general population That's not normal to see that much right damage imagine you're a guy who just shows a bit car accidents every day Every day you see one you're like I gotta go to therapy, right?You see a family a week legs and splatter and dead babies and fucking moms.How's somebody?Okay, you're like you look at his arm and leg over there, and you're like yeah, yeah Boo.And people hate you on top of that.That's true.

That sucks.You can't win.Especially cops.But first responders, people don't even hate them.Nobody really hates ambulance drivers.No.

No.Or firemen.Or firemen, yeah.Well.That's crooked.What?

They're not.What?Boys, we gotta wrap this up.I don't think we did.We're three hours in.I think we just started.

We just started.We're just getting going.J -Mo's drunk.You're not going anywhere, brother.You're going to bong another beer.I got to do a thing soon.

What do you have to do?Is that.You can bong one more and then that's it.What do you got a class play?A thing.I gotta go to a thing.

Show and tell?You can bong a beer.PTA?No, I can't.I can't.You can bong a beer before it goes.