Joe Rogan Experience #2512 - Joey Diaz

The Joe Rogan Experience.

All right, brother.Hey.What's happening?What's going on?Same shit.Great to be here.

Great to see you.How you feeling?

Like a tip -top fucking Magoo.I can't believe you could walk so quickly after getting the knee fixed again.

It was like three days, man.That's nuts.But yesterday I fucked it up at Newark Airport because I wanted to walk, you know?But it was like I walk every day at the gym, and then I walk my neighborhood for breakfast and after dinner.But that's a loop, you know?This was 10 loops yesterday.

So thank God I had a baggie with edibles with me on the plane.I hate the edibles.And I put, I asked the fucking flight attendant to give me some ice and that's how I got it down.Then I, you rub it with that Vortom shit, that liquid cocaine juice.What?Yeah, there's a cream that became illegal.

You buy it over the counter.What is that?It's Vora something Vorta.Don't quote me, man.But it's a good cream.It numbs your eye.

You have to rub it though twice a day.

Oh yeah?Yeah.

But it's fucking feels fantastic.

I've never heard of it.

Yeah, Voltron, Voltrax.What?Don't listen to me, though.Just Google what's the...Is that it?That it.

Voltarant.

Voltarant.Arthritis pain.And you just rub it on your knee?

Yeah.A couple times a day.Anything that hurts.What is it?It's like a fucking gel with cocaine that takes care of the fucking situation for you.

Prescription strength, over -the -counter, non -steroidal, anti -inflammatory that penetrates the skin to relieve joint pain, inflammation, and stiffness.Interesting.I never heard of it before.Widely used for osteoarthritis and muscle aches.Should not be used for acute injuries like simple strains or bruises.

I wonder why.

Why can't you use it for strains or bruises?Does it say why?That seems weird.Because like that's what people do.like ibuprofen and shit.

Yeah Like I couldn't use any of that shit I could only use Tylenol whatever the fuck that is I couldn't take ibuprofen after the surgery No, have you ever used DMS?Oh, I don't know what that is.

It's the shit right here.

You rub it on.

Yeah, they That's another horse tranquilizer another horse medication Yeah, they they use it in veterinary applications, but it's a it's really good for pain for pain and injury with take that keep it No, I have a bunch of them.

I buy I buy shit Yeah, that was the early steroids which were the 70s Yeah, what the fuck we were getting the 70s everything came from Germany.

I think I think they were getting a roblin all that shit I think they were getting human growth hormone from cadavers See if that's true.Jamie, put that into our AI -sponsored perplexity.Did they used to get human growth hormone from cadavers?I think they did.I think that's how they used to get it.

What do you get human growth hormone from now?That's a good question.

I don't know.I don't know how they do it.It's synthetic.I know it's synthetic.So it must be they isolate the molecule, they figure out how to reproduce it, and then they make it somehow.I have no idea.

but the way they used to do it back then.Cadaver -derived human growth hormone was real used mid -1900s to 1985 and turned out to be dangerous because it sometimes transmitted prion diseases like Kreutzfeldt -Jakob, and is no longer used.It has been fully replaced by synthetic recombinant HDH.So, Kreutzfeldt -Jakob disease, that's mad cow disease.It's the same kind of disease.And what it comes from is, it's the same thing that cannibals get when people eat human brain tissue.

they get and neurons and that kind of shit.You get this same disease.Alzada was one of the first U .S.sports figures to admit using anabolic steroids in the last year of his life.As he battled against the brain tumor, which eventually caused his death, Alzado asserted that his steroid abuse directly led to his fatal illness.

He recounted his steroid abuse in an article Sports Illustrated.Our target started taking anabolic steroids in 69 and never stopped.Now I'm sick and I'm scared.I was addicting mentally.It was addicting mentally.mentally addicting.

90 % of athletes I know are on the stuff, were not born to be 300 pounds or jump 30 feet.I became very violent on the field, off it too.I did things only crazy people do.Once in 1979 in Denver, a guy side swiped my car.I chased him up and down the hills, through the neighborhoods.I did that a lot.

I chased the guy, pulled out of his car, beat the hell out of him.But look at me now.I wobble when I walk and sometimes I have to hold on to somebody.You have to give me time to answer questions because I have trouble remembering things.He died at 43.

43 from brain cancer.Wow.He didn't look good at the end.He wore the bandana.

I was right.Elzena was Jewish.It says he was inducted into the Jewish Hall of Fame.What did it say?Go back to that, what I was just reading.

International Jewish Hall of Fame.

Jewish Sports Hall of Fame.I didn't even know that existed.Okay.So I don't know if that was that stuff that growth hormone did that, but.

Well, listen, he's saying he can't walk at the end, he can't remember.That's the knocks to the head.And mixed with whatever was going on with everything else, it becomes something else.

I lied amidst a massive storm.That's one of those lies that everybody...know, it's like when bodybuilders say they're natural, like shut the fuck up, bitch.Nobody's that big.Nobody's that big without help.There's a bunch of goofy guys out there that still try to claim natural.

They're like, come on, son.

How many fucking steaks do you eat a day?Like the Barbarian Brothers, 36 eggs.

There's some guys that have freak genetics.They have very unusual genetics and they get real big.Naturally, but that's rare.

That's super super rare as a matter of fact.I got picked up by a new BSA Guess who was the driver who you are Romero's nephew?No way he's a judo champion No way talked in Spanish for about 15 20 minutes in Jersey or here right here He lives because all these uber drivers are Cuban really all of them in Austin.

I'll get replaced by robots Fuck that.

I saw a Cuban yell at a robot.Last time I was here, he got out of the car, yelled at the car, and he realized, coño, en robot.He got back in the car.My bad.

That's hilarious.

The guy cut him off.

They cut you off all the time.It's fucking way much.

No, I stay away from those.They get right in front of you.They're ridiculous.I don't trust those cars at all, and I don't see how people sit.I don't know.It's not for me, bro.

Did you hear about that lady?She got into one, and a homeless guy was in the back?Yeah, some guy used the Waymo, he got his luggage out, left the hatch open, probably figured the thing closed itself, it didn't.Homeless guy hopped in, shut the door, lady gets the Waymo, there's a homeless guy in the back, he starts yelling at her for paying robots.Why are you paying robots?

I gotta tell you about my homeless situation this week.Oh, no.So my daughter played at Egg Harbor this weekend.It's like 25 minutes outside of Atlantic City, which is an hour and a half from my house.So we went down for Saturday's tournament.They won.

Now we got two more games on Sunday.So we got a hotel.I didn't want to get a hotel at Oceans.I'm going to be at Oceans in August, but I didn't want to go there because all the other parents were in fucking Harrah's.So I said, fuck it.I don't want to be that guy.

I'll stay at Oceans.with you.So the game ended, and my wife had to drive the kids somewhere.And I go, you know what?Because every weekend, when I go on those little trips, I go to a weed store.Like last week, I went into one in Trenton.

Dog, this was a block from the state capitol.You could see the dome.The black guy called me back, and he goes, no, no, no.I got a secret place in the back.He had mushrooms, mushroom chocolate.Don't say this.

You're going to get in trouble.Dog, there's 18 stores in fucking, you know, you got to figure it out.I'm not ratting nobody out.They know what's going on, the cops.

I mean, they had packaged mushrooms, all different flavors, grew a wide old thing.

This week, I go to Atlantic City.I go to this one Everald, whatever.It's supposed to be the big one.

The big one?

The big weed store in Atlantic City.And it's right by the casino.So as I pull up, I park my car in front.As I walk out, there's four Yolk brothers.with gold chains on in one of those fucking suburban millionaire cars.What do you call the big truck?

Escalades?

No, the other one.The one that looks like they're attacking your town.Not the...

Oh, AMG G -wagons?I don't fucking know.

Anyway, they're in there...Mercedes?They're in there bumping shit, and they see me, and they go, yo, we know you.And I go, yeah, what up, brother?Hold on, I'll catch you on the way out.I thought by the time I got out, they would leave.

Right.So I went in.I come out, and they're all outside their cars.All four brothers, yo.Big Goldschneider's like, yo, you're the motherfucker that goes on Rogan.No, that's the motherfucker from The Longest Yard.

We looked you up.So they're talking to me, talking to me, talking.We're rocking and rolling.Rogan, the UFC, yo, what do you think about that?And I'm loving it.But in the middle of all this, this black little homeless crackhead walks his way over, and I can hear him ask the other guy, who's this white motherfucker?

And the black guy goes, that's the dude from The Longest Shard.You know, the football movie.The black guy comes over and I see him.Walk right over and he goes, hey, Mr. Football Man, why don't you break out a dance?me?He just bummed me out a dollar.

I had to give him 10.I was so fucking embarrassed in front of him.

Why don't you break out a dollar for me?

Why don't you break out a dollar for me, Mr. Football Star?I gave him a 10.This motherfucker ran.He walked up with a limp, but he ran away.He was going right for crack.I'm like, these motherfuckers, they got a game for everything.

I love it.I love all that shit, Joe.

It's fun to be around wacky people every now and then.Just people living on the edge.

But that Atlantic City outside those casinos, bro, that shit's real.

We saw a drug transaction right on the street when we were down there last.

Bro, I'm surprised you didn't see a hooker get mugged or something like that.They are not fucking around.I took a ride Saturday night about 10.Did you take a little ride?Bro, you make a right in some of those corners, you ain't coming back.And I thought by now they'd at least build up the outside of AC.

No, no, no, no.No, it's barely making money.You know, AC doesn't do well, not like Vegas does.You know what I mean?Like, AC's got some nice spots.You can go there and have a good time, but it's not like it's gonna grow.

You go to the Borgata with the Italians and shit.

The outside's too sketch.

The Borgata, all the Italians go down with their white shoes on the week.Hey, it's got old.What up?You know.But no, I don't like the Borgata that much.I like the couple hotels down there.

There's some nice places.

Yeah, we stayed in the Borgata when it first opened, you and I. You have a gig there, you have a gig there.

The thing is, it's not gonna grow like Vegas is.Vegas is crazy.Vegas had a head start.If they tried to make Vegas now, tough sell, tough sell.Too many places to go.You can gamble everywhere.

You can gamble on your phone now.But when Vegas was first, there was no casinos in the country, dog.It was just Vegas.And I wonder if they made some sort of a deal.Well, let them blow off atomic bombs.They blow off these atomic bombs, and then, you know, we'll put the casinos in.

What's the difference?We blow ourselves up.

I thought that, but then we looked it up.and it turned out they made Vegas before the atomic bomb.So I'm like, well, I guess it was just gangsters.They just bribed people or convinced people.There was nothing going on there.

It was a pit stop.They opened up Vegas for a pit stop for American soldiers to stop on the way or something like that.

Was it in the 30s, right?Was it the 30s, Jamie?

Then the guy that owned the counter store.

When Vegas was created?

Yeah, and the guy that owned the comedy store, he was in charge of Vegas.And he robbed and they shot him.

Same guy as the comedy store?

Same guy as the comedy store.He was in charge.He's fucking genius, that motherfucker was a genius.Well, he got shot because he stole at the end, the expenses.

Oh, is that what it was?

The casinos.In those days, they borrowed money from the unions in Chicago.And then you borrowed that and you worked off those Teamster loans, those Jimmy Hoffa loans.So you had to build on those.Well, the expenses never stopped.And they were like, what the fuck is going on?

And he was hanging out with Jane Seymour or something, going back and forth like a millionaire, like a movie star.They didn't like him.They shot him.

That's why they shot him?

I think so.They shot him in his house, in his eyeball or something.

Yeah, in his eyeball.

Something like that.I remember that.

Yeah, there's a picture of his dead body, allegedly, on the wall.

In L .A., right?Yeah, in L .A., I believe so.

They shot him in L .

A.So that was all because of the casinos, huh?

But then they made it, you know, it's like when we first went to Denver the money was too good I don't give a fuck if it's Jesus and his three disciples.They're gonna take that envelope.

It's too good Well, you know what it was going on in the beginning.They weren't allowed to use credit cards.Everything had to be cash Yeah, and it was crazy.So these guys were leaving the fucking and they bring like six special forces guys with them They'd have fucking Green Berets and Navy SEALs and shit like armed to the tits because they're transferring millions of dollars in cash So the whole thing was nuts, man.It was nuts.I read this story about the dilemma, like these people are...

all this money.And the crazy thing is the state was making all that money too, because the taxes on the legal weed, look this up, please.It's amazing.I think it was like 39%.It's fucking crazy.And everybody was like, sure.

Like, you would never accept 39 % on alcohol.You'd never accept 39 % on ground beef.No.But 39 % on weed, you're like, I'll take it.

During the pandemic in LA, you had to buy an extra tax to go open.That's why they called them the weed bank.What do they call those businesses that had to be open?Dispensaries?No, no, no.They're businesses that they had a purpose to be open during the pandemic.

Oh, right.

Essential.Essential.Yeah.They made that essential, but they charge an extra tax, 10 % tax.

Well, they're making so much money off weed in California.

Well, now look at all the weed stores.They're starting to close.Are they?And in Jersey, they created a dilemma because the state convinced them that they had to build and all this shit.So all these places, You know you opening up a shop minus three mil listen It's a lot of $20 bags to get the tweet three mil a lot and not only that there's a lot of competition Oh, how many weed stores are in LA?

It's bananas.

Oh in Englishtown, New Jersey.

There's four of them, and here's what gets better They're all on the same block Wow Do you did you ever go to that place in Inglewood with me back when it was only medical the Inglewood?

We used to get the lollipops.

Yeah, yes Yeah, I went there one time with you You know the guy that ran that got shot that dude that we used to deal with right shot in that store They killed him?No, I think he lived.I'm not sure, though.Look that up.He might have died.

Yeah, that's the first place you had the lollipop from, on Fear Factor.Yes.It was from that guy, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.Englewood Wellness Center.That was in the 90s.That was in the days where it was legal if you had a medical reason, and any medical reason would do.Oh, my feet hurt.Get in there.

Sign him up.But anybody who does martial arts has to sign up.pain excuse because everybody's in pain and it does help you with pain is it like if you could take aspirin?THC like gummies with CBD are phenomenal for aches and pains.You remember Dave Foley?Yeah.

Dave Foley's hand.Of course you do.Dave Foley's hand was all fucked up from arthritis.He started taking CBD and now his hand is full function again.

CBD is amazing.They just blew it up by the content a couple of years ago.Well, who knows who's making it and what the quality is.

That's the things when things are gray, you get a bunch of douchebags making stuff.You know, I used to have a bit about that, about the gummy bears.Like they're not making these, they're not making Gummy bears in the same labs where they're making Tylenol.They're very inconsistent You get one of them you swear.It's a thousand milligrams and the other one feels like it's like a hundred They barely make sense back in the day back in you know when it was the Wild West I'm talking about like way back in the day It was different because way back in the day there was like it was the Wild West first of all way back in the day They didn't put warnings on this shit.

No milligrams were in this stuff.And I remember eating a brownie one time and flying up to Pittsburgh in the red eye and my leg wouldn't stop tapping.

Like it wouldn't stop fucking tapping.I remember one time we were on a plane and you had a panic attack and then You waited like an hour later, and then popped two more.

I was like, how are you doing that?

You're like, Joe Rogan, I almost got off the plane.I couldn't take it.I couldn't breathe.My fucking heart was closing.It was like my chest was closing in on me.The walls were closing in.

I thought the plane was going to crash.I was freaking out.I almost said, turn the fucking plane around.But I'm back, baby.You popped two more.

You have no idea what I put myself through over the years.

Why do you do that?

Because I just want to take a chance.Columbus did.Sitting at home, it's true.in the afternoon.You're bored as shit.You're like, let's see what happens.

And the only thing that would hold me back is if I had a spot that night.Then I would tame it and be like a couple hundred milligrams.

You don't want to go up on stage with too much edibles.

Yes, you do.Sometimes you need to.

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for more details and important safety information.I got into such a groove, I ended up doing an hour.That was because the edible I took before I went on stage.No material, I told you that.I got nothing.That's it, I'm starting over from scratch.

Got nothing.I talked about going to the hospital, and then it just became something else.

And at the end, I was up there an hour.My leg was starting to fucking throb it.

Did you film it or record it or anything?No, I didn't.I didn't know it was gonna be gold.Right, right.But that's why THC, somebody said THC is like a banned substance for comics, because if you really let it absorb you, and I'm not telling you to smoke pot, but I had an audition.Whenever I have an audition, I read it, I put it away.

I get stoned, and then I go back, and I look at it again, complete different sheet.Now I can pick out things.Now I can point.Then I leave it again.I get high and I come back like an hour later.And that's what I think THC makes me just rely on.

Look, I live in anxiety naturally.Naturally.I beat myself up.This morning it's 8 .30.I'm drinking coffee outside the fourth season.I'm like, why am I heart beating?

Because I thought I had somewhere to go.I got nowhere to go.

You just gave yourself anxiety for no reason?

Yeah, because I always think I got somewhere to fucking go at 10 in the morning.That's why when my daughter gets on that bus to school at 7 .15, I start blasting.Because then I know I ain't got nowhere to go.Like, you know, you make a list every day, and you go, this is what I'm going to do today.And then you fucking, you know, wake up, and you look at that list after you smoke, and you're like, that's a long drive up to New York City today.I ain't doing that podcast.

You know?That's a fucking long drive up into that motherfucker.

Yeah, the driving in New York is not a joke.That's an endeavor.

Yeah, no.

You gotta take a day.Like, that's your day.Your day is driving in and driving out.You're not going to the gym.You're not doing all that other stuff.Me?

No, I'm saying if you've got to drive into New Jersey, that's your day.It's not like, oh, I'll go there, that's at noon, I'll hit the gym at 2 .30, uh -uh.No, you won't, you'll be in traffic for three hours.

For three hours.It's crazy.I always go to do that shit early and get it over with.Like, on days that I have to go to the city up north, I'll just take that as a day off.Like, I'll work that day before so I can go up there early.and not sweat it.

But it's got, some days I get up and I'm like, I'm not going up there, I gotta work out today.

Listen, this is one of the big things that Texas has, or Austin has in particular, over the East Coast.is the fucking traffic the traffic here's a joke they talk about traffic it's adorable you might be 10 extra minutes whoop -dee -doo it's adorable but occasionally a car accident happens and there's a bunch of people stopped that shit happens everywhere in the world but for the most part the east coast is so Thick with people you don't realize it until you have to make that trip to New Jersey and back and forth You know when we do the UFC's if we go into New Jersey To the UFC and then with the weigh -ins then we have to go back to New York to play ball at six o 'clock.Yeah Oh my god It's crazy go to New York to eat and to play pool and it's fucking it's a madhouse Think about what it was like the last two weeks Jim Florentine said he went into the city Saturday.

It was three hours because of the Nick bullshit.They weren't even playing.They weren't even playing.

People were so upset that Trump was going to go to the NBA because if he's there, then they have all these crazy security protocols.It makes the traffic even worse.

There was no parties.There was no nothing.

He should stick to the UFC.They're going to boo him everywhere else.

Oh, they booed him.I didn't watch the whole game.I was out and about.

I heard some people cheered.I heard it was like cheers and boos.But the problem is, If there's cheers and any boos, if there's like 50 -50, don't go to that spot.Go to the UFC.People say he got booed at the UFC.I've seen him at the UFC six times or something like that.

I don't know how many times.He never got booed.He's never gotten booed.They fucking cheer.The people that say they're booing him, you're distorting reality.It's not true.

They cheer him like he walks in there to the American Badass Song, especially if they'reRock is with him and Dana White's behind him.And then sometimes Tucker Carlson was there, too, back when they were close.It was like the conservative Avengers.It was like, this is ridiculous.They always cheered him.

He was the kiss of death last night.I bet against the Knicks last night.Me and Jamie, we were like, fuck that.Getting two and a half?Why are they only giving two and a half?They're up two schemes.

What, are you a retard?Two and a half they were giving last night.Everybody and their mother, even fucking your daughter bet the Knicks last night, giving two and a half.Do you bet sports all the time?How often do you bet?This type of the year, I bet basketball because it's real.

Do you use an app?DraftKings.

Everything is on DraftKings.

You don't have a bookie.

No.No, I enjoy, because DraftKings has so many fun, like there's bookies out there, like they just keep busting these mafia rings in Jersey and New York.39 people that had the big bust last year with the basketball coaches, that they put the cards up and you could see through the fucking cards on the table.Gambling has grown to a fucking nightmare.We're gonna pay for this in five years, but when I went to college, after orientation, you walked out and there was credit card companies, Discover, MasterCard, Visa, give you a credit card for being a student.The 250, automatic, right there.

And now, when you go to those orientation days, DraftKings is there.You know, the other ones, FanDuel's there.And I'm not putting them down.I love DraftKings.But you're copping these kids.These kids don't have enough problems with fucking student loans.

Right.

Now I'm going to put a fucking thing.More people are gambling more than ever.

Than ever.Than ever.In Australia, too.Ever.My buddy McCann, you know James McCann.Yeah, ever.

He was talking about how crazy it is in Australia.Yeah, what's the odds on the Ilya Tapori -Justin Gaethje fight at the White House?

It's a pickle.him?

No.No, Teporia has to be a huge favorite.I guarantee Teporia's 2 -1.4 -1.Yeah.4 -1's crazy.

2 -1, if you just think about what he's done in his last three fights, he's had the most legendary run in MMA championship history in his last three fights.He knocked out three all -time greats.Knocks out, you know, Alexander Volkanovsky knocks out Max Holloway Knocks out Charles Olivera three in a row like anybody who could do that you go.I'm not fucking betting anything against that guy But Justin Gaethje is a tough character son So if I bet 25 bucks on Gaethje I win Yeah, four to one yeah, um which is Look, it's minus 426 for Toporia.They're like four to one's not enough.

Caesar says 600.

Caesar says 600.Caesar's is smart.But the thing is, man, don't think that Justin Gaethje can't win.Like anybody can lose in an MMA fight.People get hit.Like in Iliad Toporia, one of his early fights, one of, I think his first fight in the UFC at lightweight, he took it on short notice and he fought this dude, Jai Herbert.

who's a really tall, really good striker.And Jai Herbert caught him with a head kick in the first round, a switch kick to the dome that dropped him.It was perfect, but he recovered brilliant.He got a hold of him, took him to the ground, recovered, and then came back in.devastating knockout in the second round.Like he fucking puts people into orbit, man.

His power is crazy.He's not a big guy either, man.Justin's a much bigger guy than him.But the way he knocks guys out, it's just dead.He knocksthem out dead, but so does Gaethje People forgetting Gaethje's a fucking warhammer dude that guy loves battles He loves this is not I don't think it's a tough fight.

There's a tough fucking fight I could both this and this is this Sunday right correct.

It's this Sunday Gaethje's bigger going so fuck.Yeah, I'm going so Gaethje's bigger Gaethje used to fight at what was it called the IFL is that whatever the organization was before the he came to the UFC I think it was it was before the PFL was like another one but what was it what did he what was the organization you know there's these feeder organizations like the PFL a lot of really good fighters that wind up becoming champions and start out there.Was that it?World Series of Fighting that's right that's what it was and I mean he was fucking people up with leg kicks, but it was the way he was fighting.We just throw himself into chaos Like he didn't fight tactically at all back then No, like the you ever see the Michael Johnson fight with him in the UFC a long time.Yeah, it's his first fight in the UFC It's one of the craziest fucking fights ever because he just fucking throws himself at Michael Johnson and Michael Johnson throws himself right back and moves up they got hurt both guys got cracked it was a Yeah, he fights heavy.

Justin is always just trying to kill you.He's always move look at every shot.He's trying to fucking kill you He's always moving forward trying to smash you and the thing is he relishes this kind of combat so much that in the beginning he lost some fights that he could have won if he tempered it if and then he did so and then when he went on this likerun and started beating everybody, it's really because he controlled the violence a little bit more.He controlled the chaos.But it was still very technical violence.

It wasn't like he was brawling dumb.He was just forcing himself into chaos so much.He was throwing himself right into the fire over and over and over again.This is a dangerous fucking guy.He's a dangerous fucking guy for anybody.I mean, he had hit Khabib.

He hurt him with some calf kicks.He could do that, too.He leg kicks you from inside the clinch.One of the things that he does really well is from, like, he could get you with, like, a collar tie, and he's leg kicking you.He gives him the finger and tells him to get up.I mean, Michael Johnson's getting battered.

This is a tough fight for him.At this point, we're in round two.Look at that.Knee to the body.Just everything's trying to kill you.It's not like this tactical take a chance here, take a chance there.

No, everything's take a chance.It's like from the very beginning of the fight.And this is how we fight.He eventually took him out.But it was a crazy fight.

He fights like I told you Hagler used to fight.They weren't thinking about brain damage.Hagler, all those dudes were not thinking about that.We were talking about that with football before.

You know what I just watched the other day?Mustapha Hampshire.Hagler versus Mustapha Hampshire.

Did they battle?

Hagler took him out.But it was just Hagler in his prime.

He was beautiful.

Amazing.So good.He was so good.And he was so good at switching stances, man.No one was doing that back then.Hagler would fight Southpaw.

He would fight Orthodox.He would fuck you up.You didn't know where it was coming from.And he could fight just as good Southpaw as he could Orthodox.It was amazing.It was an amazing fight to watch.

God, that guy was great.So disciplined.

He had some good fights this week.I'm excited for the call.I thought it was Saturday.

Yeah, Jamie posted up that the serial gun Alex Pereira fights the closest fight on the card is in terms of odds It's like even odds, and that's a that's a Zero guns a tall order.That's a tall order for your first heavyweight fight in the UFC Yeah, I would say it's a pick 'em.I would say it's a pick 'em Seryl Gawn is really good.And the thing about Seryl Gawn is the problems that he's had in fights or when guys take him down.When guys stand with him, he is very tricky.He's very slick.

He's very technical.And he's very light on his feet for a big guy.Like, he moves really well.Like, one of the best movers in the heavyweight division for sure.He's like dancing on his feet.He also does a weird thing off his front leg.

He throws a front kick when he's standing sideways, like in a bladed stance like this, and he picks it up and twists it into your stomach.Bang, like that.It's weird.It works.No, it's a kick.I mean, it's called a twisting kick.

Twisting kick.It's just you don't ever see people throwing that kick from the front leg like he does.He does a lot of weird shit that you have to get used to.Like, that Tom Aspinall fight, man, he was scoring very well on the feet.I know it got stopped because of the eye pokes, but before the eye pokes, Ciro Gan was doing very well on the feet against Aspinall.And Aspinall's a big, fast heavyweight.

It's going to be interesting, because I don't know if Pereira is going to have an issue with the movement, if he's going to be able to shut that movement down.And I don't know if Ciro Gan is going to be able to, like, if he's going to want to exchange with him.He might feel that power and say, I'm just going to fight on the outside.Because Pereira's got that, you make one mistake power.

He looks good at heavyweight.He looks like he gained the weight.He looks yoked.He's huge.

And on top of that, no dieting.So no depleting of his body at all.You're going to have a guy competing for the first time where he's never had to cut weight.That's huge.That's a giant advantage.Not having to cut weight is like they let you take steroids.

You don't have to cut weight, no cutting weight at all.If they changed weight cutting, if they cut all weight cutting out of MMA, you'd have like 20 % better performances.People would be fighting so much better.Because they would they would feel so much healthier.They would be so much more durable There wouldn't be as many like one -shot knockouts where you're like, whoa that got him because a lot of these guys like their brain is still Dehydrated when they're in there fighting.It's only 24 hours after they rehydrate.

That's not enough time to get to the brain We go to weigh -ins with you And these guys would come in, like, they're looking like they had cancer.They looked dead.Yeah.I would see them, and then they would IV in the back.Then I think they cut out IVs afterward.Yeah, cut out IVs.

I remember being there with you and looking at these guys coming in.

They were dying.

They looked like they were on that fucking GLP for 10 years, like fucking Sharon Osbourne's daughter.I mean, they were looking fucked up, Jack.

Yeah, they look dead.Some guys looked real.You remember when Anderson Silva fought Travis Lutor?Do you remember that fight?

Yeah, the jujitsu guy from Texas?

Exactly.

Yes.

That was the worst I ever saw anybody at a weigh -in.

He looked really fucking skinny.

And again, this was not the ceremonial weigh -in like we have now.This was like the actual weigh -in, see if you can make the weight.And Travis couldn't walk.He was shuffling.He couldn't pick his legs up.His lips were cracked.

His body was dried out.

That's the can't -be -good feeling.And then to pick it back up and then go throw rounds.Exactly.

eight o 'clock the next night.Meanwhile, I mean he was so depleted but he got a hold of Anderson the first round.It took him down and that's what he wanted to do.He's a Jiu -Jitsu in Texas?Yeah, he's Kevin Hohn's coach.Oh shit, is he?

Yeah, Travis is a bad motherfucker.

He was a bad motherfucker.

He was a when guys rolled with him on the ultimate fighter, you know one of One of the best compliments one of the guys said he goes dude He goes I've rolled with only a couple guys like that.It's like him and Ricardo laborio I go really I go that guy feels like Ricardo laborio.He's that level.He goes he's like dude He was running through people just running through people on the ground Travis was a beast.He was one of the first truly elite Brazilian jiu -jitsu black belts in the modern era, the Anderson Silva era.Whereas when he got guys to the ground, you were in trouble.

You were in real trouble.There's a few guys, Charles Oliveira is the big one.Charles Oliveira puts people in positions, they're like, oh no, what have I done?Like, you think you're gonna be comfortable, like, in his guard?Like, bitch, you're never gonna be comfortable on the ground with Oliveira.Oliveira's just so dangerous everywhere.

That's 20 years of jiu -jitsu, correct?Oh yeah, yeah.20, 25 years, they've been doing it since they were a kid.Yep, also.So it's like constant stand -up.

Great camp.He's from that shoot -the -box camp.I mean, that camp produced Anderson Silva, Ninja, Shogun, Like who else?Okay, lay pay lay the one of the original MMA fighters back in the bare -knuckle days He was the the top dude in the original in the original days.No, no gara's not from shoot box No, gara is a Carlson Gracie guy.Those is Carlson Gracie, right?

No Carlson's in Chicago.No, no gara wasn't Carlson Gracie.No gara was I don't want to get that wrong Who was no gara's trainer minotaur?Oh no gara his original jiu -jitsu coach fucking brother probably No, both of them were elite.

Just teasing you.They were twins.They were twins, right?

Yeah, they were twins.They were both elite.They were both like world -class fighters in pride.Does it say he's a jiu -jitsu coach?Minotauro was the first, like, he was the first guy that was, like, finishing elite guys off of his back in pride.Like, he was tapping to, like, when he was the champion in pride, like, you remember when he beat Bob Sapp?

No.Bob Sapp was 350 pounds with abs, and the fight was crazy.He picks Minotauro up and spikes him on his head in the beginning of the fight.Fucked his neck up for years.Like, his neck was fucked up after that fight, and still survived and eventually caught Bob Sapp in an arm bar.But it was bananas.

Omri Batech.Okay, yeah, there you go.Omri Batech is another guy who fought early in the UFC.So that's his coach for one.Where did he get his black belt?Just see where he got his black belt from.

Just ask the question, who gave Minotauro his black belt?Okay, Ricardo De La Riva.That's his primary instructor.There you go.Okay.Yeah, he was...

So we could say he invented the De La Riva hook.Probably.There's a bunch of moves that are attributed to guys that it's not quite sure whether or not they invented it, but they were really good at it, you know?

How much fun is that, getting somebody a Delaheven, taking them down?It's fun.I can't finish the leg lock.I never could.I'm fucking terrible.I can't get my arms around it.

I'm fucking...My shoulders are fucked up.Leg locks are scary.

Yeah, I don't like any of that shit.You fuck them up, you know, you twist the wrong way, you turn the wrong way, you hear things pop.Eeeh.Scary.You still training?No.

No more?

No, I haven't over a year.I haven't done any rowing.I thought you had a guy coming in with you.I was for a while.I've got a knee problem.It's much better now.

I've been really working on it over the last six months, but it kept swelling after a while.The thing is, it would get better, and it would feel pretty good, and then I'd hurt it again.And usually, I hurt it.Like a year ago hunting, I twisted it hunting and then I've also heard it like hit in the back too.Like sometimes I just start wailing on the back.You go off and you forget.

Yeah.

You forget.

It's just the next day it's sore as fuck.It's like I don't have meniscus on one part of my knee.So I have to make sure that it doesn't get arthritic.You know what I mean?Like, I don't have to tell you, like, once your knee gets bad, it's a real problem.It's a problem.

And so you got to, like, walk that edge between when you don't have cartilage or you don't have meniscus and your cartilage is getting bone on bone like that.Like, you got to be careful.You got to be careful.

They're getting real close to fixing shit.

Real close.They're injecting like different kinds of gels in people's knees now that replace the meniscus.And they're also doing some new stem cell therapy where they go into the bone itself and it regenerates garbage.That might be better.But that gel, they always work you with that gel.I think it's a new one, Joey.

It's like, they call it a biological matrix.

You need to fucking get like a, you need to get like insurance approval and all that.Yeah, I did it.That's just all those things.It's like when you see an ad for somebody, do you have problems sleeping?Buy this mouthpiece for $29 .99.I don't think you got what they have now, because this is just released in Germany.

This is brand new.But this gel, like I'm just saying to you, the gel, the cortisol, I have friends with knee problems.And they tell me what they go through, and they go to different doctors.And it's the same fucking, we got cortisol for you, we got the gel.we're not gonna do the PRP and we don't do stem cell.So you, Joe, regular, you don't do no reading.

This is what happened to me with the fucking why I did this surgery in the first place.You had moved here and I didn't know about waist or well, if not, I wouldn't have never cut this knee the first time.Never, never.I didn't read up on it because When my wife was pregnant, I read up on all that shit.And I didn't want to have the baby no more.Because it said once you're over 43, you'll die if you're given birth.

Like, if you're not ready when you get older as a woman.You know, now women are having kids at 50s and fucking 55s.But a woman has to be, she has like a short window.And they have a lot of things that could go wrong with the pregnancy.When I read that, I got nervous for my wife.I'm like, she's gonna die on the fucking table.

And I'm stuck raising a girl.I don't know how to fucking raise a girl.You know, what am I going to do here?So I didn't really, I researched it a little bit.After I got the need, after I went and I saw the fucking, the chisel and the fucking mallet on the table, I go, we got to look into this when I get out of here.Like, this is fucking insane.

I would have never done that.to redo knee.I would have waited, shot it with stem cell, BPC'd it.At that time, I was still a little fearful of needles.So I was like, ah, BPC them.Everything is you got to shoot it.

You feel fearful of needles, but not of a knee replacement.That's hilarious.

No, bro, now I'm fine.It took four stays in the hospital last year to fucking, like, go.One day they had to come in and take blood out of me every 20 minutes for three hours.Why?It's that type of test.They shoot you with something to see how you react to it.

And, dog, I didn't faint one time.I don't faint no more.Like, last time, I was too well.I went in there hungover on those tequilas from the mothership, drinking that round white juice and shit.I went in there with no breakfast.Like, we need to take blood out within minutes.

I'm pale.I'm sweating profusely.they gotta put ice on my back and on my neck and shit and when I did when they turned the switch off on your leg what's that when you do that little Before surgery, when I first hurt the knee, they said, we're not gonna give you pain medication, but if you're really hurting that bad, come on down here and we'll give you a nerve block.Oh, they give you a nerve block.Joe Rogan, holy shit.

Who did that?Where'd they do that?

Because the place where I went for surgery, the first time, there's shit.This place is specialized in all that stuff.So they have their own therapy, they have their own, like, the surgeons, and then they have a pain department.They talk to you.And they go, listen, you could take this.You want it?

We'll give it to you.But let's do this.Let's try it with this.They don't want you.You know, and I understand it.People lose their minds on those fucking things.

So I did the nerve block first, Joe.Holy fuck.Holy fuck.And when I went to the doctor about a month ago, the girl was like, I was there that day.And when I fainted, she goes, you didn't faint, but you sure came close.She goes, you lost all the color in your face.

It's crazy, Joey.Had to drink water.And then the epidural block, you ever do one of those?No.

Well, no, I did when I got my knee surgery.Yeah, they always knee surgery you?I thought they put you out for those.They did, most of the time.But my first ACL, I asked if I could watch.And he said, you don't want to watch it?

I go, no, I do.I only want to get this done once.I want to see it.Can I watch it?

Where'd you see it?They shot it in the knee or in your spine?

Well, they shot it in my spine.And so you don't feel anything in your legs.And I watched him open my knee up and put it together again.Fuck you, Joe.That's...

The epidural block is one of the worst.

I wanted to see, I'm like, I don't want to do this once.I didn't know that I was going to have another ACL surgery eight years later.

So you didn't get put out for your surgery?

No, not the first one.The second one I did.Insane, Joe.That's fucking insane.I love you at your zombo and shit, but...I wanted to watch.

No, I want to watch a lot of...

I want to see what it looks like, because it's kind of crazy.They're going to take your knee, take a slice out of your patella tendon, along with a chunk of bone, and a chunk of bone for your kneecap, and then they screw it back in place.I'm like, this is crazy.I want to watch.Held up.Still good.

The real problem was the meniscus.So they didn't even take the meniscus out then, they just stitched it up.There was a tear in the meniscus, but it wasn't too bad and he thought it could heal, you know, because I was in my 20s.I was like 23, I think, 22.And then over time, it just got wore out.tear became a bucket handle tear and then it would lock so it would pull the meniscus would pull up and like lock in place it was fucking insanely painful and I was like this keeps happening it happened a couple of times it was like it happened in jujitsu class and Eddie Bravo had to take me to the doctor so Eddie Bravo had to drive my NSX we drove straight to the doctor and you know they tell me I need to get my meniscus removed I'm like okay And then he told me I need to stop doing martial arts.

I was like, okay, that's cute.

That's the first thing they'll tell you.

Yeah, you got to stop doing martial arts.

You blame everything.No martial arts, no this, no that.

30 years later, fuck you.Let me get one of those Zins.

Yeah, sure.The medium ones.

What are these?These are Alps.That's Tucker Carlson's one.Those are good.It's six milligrams.These are threes.

This is athletic nicotine.That's threes.I like those.They don't make you jittery.Those take a hell of a hit.Tucker likes them strong.

I like them, but I always swallow them by mistake.

I've seen them shit in pouches and shit.They have Focus ones?

Yeah, that's these, Ultras.

Yeah, I do the Ultras.

I don't have them in this room anymore.

I was doing those after I had the surgery.

Those are great.Yeah, they are pretty good.There's a bunch of really good things for your focus.People that think it's all bullshit, you know, like that nootropics are bullshit, you're allowed to think whatever you want.But trust me, from someone who uses his brain for a living, there's a difference between taking nootropics and not taking them.It's not gonna make you smarter, but it'll make your brain function at a better level.

There's a bunch of shit that works like that like you know those those ketone drinks like ketone IQ that helps a lot really Yeah, your brain uses ketones your brain uses ketones for focus That's why people that take ketogenic diets and go on carnivore diet.They say it gives them like more mental clarity You have more more focus It's fact you like I feel different when I'm eating like clean if I'm eating like carnivore just eggs and steak my brain works better 100 % It's just not processing the carbs and all the fog that comes with that not the carbs are bad for you, but when you Take this stuff this stuff is the shit.This is my friend Derek's gorilla mind.This is a nootropic drink energy drink No, no, it's got some caffeine in it's got a good amount of caffeine, but it's got a bunch of nootropics So there's a bunch of like brain vitamins in there.

You know anything again.

I'm not selling this.

This is my friends you know I'm not a You know that I have a great memory of dates, and I can take you to different situations.Stories.I don't know what happened in the last three years.How come?If I talk to you on a Monday, which I usually do, you call me Mondays on the way home at six.Whatever we talked about by Thursday, I don't remember.

Like, you'll say, call me back when you find out.I'll fucking forget now.Like, just little things.This is recent?

This is the last few years?

Last few years, I could see.You know, you're 60.A lot of shit changes.Yeah.You know, it's really weird, Joe.I need eight now.

I need eight.Sorry.I need eight.Eight what?Hours of sleep.Eight solid.

I got the whoop.I need it.

Makes a difference.

Six and a half, don't cut it.Done.Done.I need eight now.And don't get me started on an hour nap.An hour 15 nap at two or three o 'clock in the afternoon.

If I get up in the morning, I get up at six.So I put her on the bus.I start smoking weed.At nine, I'm at a gym.I'm doing something.Boxing, PT, you know?

By fucking two o 'clock, dog, there's days I walk in, there ain't no stopping, there ain't no pissing, I go right to the bed, put the mask on and go right to sleep.Just like that.I mean, there's no thought, there's no stop it, what is that, Monopoly, stop it, go and get 200?There ain't none of that.I come in, I drop my bag, I pee and I walk right upstairs, right to the bed.I move the cat over, get the fuck over.

And I fucking put that mask on.Does the cat cuddle with you while you're sleeping?Oh, please, and he goes under the blank.She goes under the blank with me, too, so it's perfect.

That's funny.

But, dog, it's not, no more.I'm gonna fly out early no more.Fuck you.

Yeah, you need a solid amount of sleep.

You need.

As you get older, it's even more important.You know what else is really important?Creatine.

I take 10 milligrams twice a day.

Beautiful.

Beautiful.

Beautiful.That's phenomenal for your memory.And that's a really good nootropic as well.

I don't like the gummies.You had some gummies on here, right?Yeah, those are good.I like them.My neighbor gave them to me that you had them.

I prefer to just open it up and pour it in my mouth and then drink water.

Yeah, me too.I like the powder too.

Yeah, I put like the 10 milligrams in my mouth and I just drink water.

You don't put it on your food, do you?No.I put in a smoothie from time to time.

I'm like the raspberries with water make the best way to make sure that I'm getting all 10 milligrams is to just pour it in my mouth and then drink water with it because otherwise it's in the glass you got to rinse the glass and get moreof it in.You know, you're giving yourself an exact dose, just put it in your mouth, dry scoop it.So I just dry scoop it in my mouth and pour the water in there.That's how I do it most of the time.What the gummies are really good for is if you forget and they're just laying around, you just eat a couple of gummies, you know?

I don't know how many milligrams are in those, right?It says it on there.

I think two gummies is five milligrams.

I think that's what it is. I also got turned on to a creatine company that has a creatine precursor.Is that any good?Creatine?

A precursor?

Creatine precursor.

I don't know what that is.

Your own body creates creatine on its own.This helps the body.I think it's called a precursor.I don't fucking know.

Yeah, I don't know.

Anything I say, just write off with a fucking...You know what I'm saying?I know that.Because I'm saying it wrong, like Voltron.I don't fucking know, guys.

I'm sure there's something.I mean, there's always a bunch...I mean, there's...If you think about how many supplements are out there, good lord, there's so many supplements.And not all of them are good, but a lot of them are really good.Here's another one that's really good for working out, beta alanine.

You ever take that?

No.

Phenomenal.Phenomenal.

Don't take everything else.

It makes you tingle, though.Makes your skin almost like itch.Like iodine.

You ever take iodine?

No.Iodine?

Yeah, like there's a pill or something, you take iodine to help you.

You're supposed to do that if you get radiation poisoning.

Listen, when the first piss test came out, they said you would take iodine.

So again, you put Clorox in your dick.

I put Clorox in my dick afterward because the iodine obviously didn't fucking work, okay?

Imagine when they read your piss through the fucking test machine, they'd be like, what?What is this?

Do you understand?Do you understand?Like, there's times, like, every minute I go out and take my cup of coffee and I sit outside, I think, you know, the whole fucking bullshit story.And then it takes me somewhere.Like, after the second cup of coffee and one of these zins and a bonget, your mind goes somewhere, and I think of chunks of my life.and I go, what the fuck was that?

Like, that was, Joe, that was insanity.What about every time he used to come to my house to do the checkup?I never let him in.He came, like, 11 times in two years.I never let him in my house.He wouldn't know I was in the house.

He would put the sheriffs to come and sit outside my house for two hours.Then they would leave.They're like, he's not home.I never let him in my house.I tortured that guy.He could have sent me to prison.

I still would have been in prison.But it was such a, like, first it was the iodine.And then you fucking, you know, you're supposed to take 20 milligrams.I mean, 200, whatever.I don't know.And my skin is burning.

I'm fucking red in the face.I got itchies.So I stopped with the iodine.I still came back positive.Then I went on the fucking white vinegar.

White vinegar.

White vinegar with a fucking bottle of Gatorade on a Monday morning.Not a little vinegar, not red wine vinegar, the real vinegar that you clean your asshole with.Douchebags and all that shit vinegar clean job.That's what women wash their monkey with vinegar Because it takes all the fucking cat piss out of shit They said drink vinegar every Monday morning, bro And it's like a process like you would get high Friday, and you would hope to beat it by Sunday But you knew you weren't gonna be there, and they're gonna call you Monday And it's like your color is yellow right like if they say yellow you got to come in So you wait till one o 'clock and you're like, all right, you got to call in.And all of a sudden, today, Monday, Tuesday, the 9th of June, the colors are purple.And you're like, yellow.

God damn.Now I got to figure out.I got five hours.The place closes at six.I got to figure out how to stop this cocaine from coming up.So then we started taking Serto.

What's Serto?

Serto is what you put in, like, Jell -O.It's that thing that makes the Jell -O jiggle or some shit like that.What?

There was no internet these days What is that a brand of liquid fruit pectin most commonly used in the kitchen as a thickening agent for homemade jams and jellies?However is also widely known as an internet folk remedy people use an attempt to mask drug drug metabolite.Yeah It's fucking bullshit it work.No, that's why let's find out if it works the myth Many online forums suggest mixing Serto with a large sports drink like Gatorade and drinking it a few hours before a drug urine test.The theory claims the fiber traps toxins in your digestive tract.Reality, health professionals and medical studies show no scientific evidence that fruit pectin can reliably clear drugs or toxins from your urine, while fiber works in the gut has no effect on what your kidneys filter into your urine.

This episode is brought to you by Armra.Every week, there's some new wellness hack that people swear by.And after a while, you start thinking, why do we think we can just outsmart our bodies?That's why Armra Colostrum caught my attention.It's something the body already recognizes and has hundreds of these specialized nutrients for gut stuff, immunity, metabolism, et cetera.I first noticed it working around training, especially workout recovery.

Most stuff falls off, but I am still taking this.If you want to try, Armra is offering my listeners 30 % off plus two free gifts.Go to armra .com slash Rogan.

But again, you get your advice from a guy who's done 30 fucking years, then you forget he's been doing 30 years because he made mistakes.Not because he's a fucking genius about Serdo.And then we went from Serdo, and then one day I was sweating.work, huh?Is anything work?No cranberry juice.

What about that stuff that they used to sell remember these to sell stuff?This is 90 fucking this is 89.They didn't sell nothing No, but remember there was some stuff that you could buy and shake it in or something yet No, no, you're saying the you can buy this now now it's completely different You could buy piss?Yeah, you could buy piss online.Just get that dirty fucking XPT, whatever you go on and you could search hidden shit all over the world.

So you just gotta get a rubber dick and take that piss?

I had a guy who made a rubber dick.Norm Ouellette could not start snorting coke, so he made a contraption where he filled up his son's piss in a hot water bottle and did the same thing with the douche.And he took the douche on the bottom, and he scotch -taped it to his dick, and he would piss and squeeze his chest.

Oh, my God.That's ridiculous.

Then one day, the thing blew up.

and he was a bank robber.They sent him to jail for 30 fucking years.Wanna hear the craziest steroid evasion story that I ever heard from piss?There was a guy who was fighting and he knew he was gonna get a piss test and he was just juiced to the tits.So the legend is that they inserted clean urine into his bladder through injection.So he injected clean urine into his bladder with a needle.

Whether or not that's true, I have no idea.But this is what everybody this is like early days the UFC like when they first started drug testing people We just think I don't even think it was in the UFC that he did this I think it was in another organization But I don't know if it's about what's going on the other side of this your addiction is that I well these guys When they're that juiced up they're not getting off of it.

No no muscle.I get it I understand so you understand the extremes that people do yeah, could you ever shoot fucking fake piss?like Joey go fucking thing?I'm gonna shoot Joey's piss a guy willing to do that and trusting that guy was finding your bladder He could shoot piss in your liver like who knows what this guy even understands the levels that you do So here I am sir don't work fucking nothing works and one day.I'm at a pool.I'm like oh shit when you piss in the pool the pool cleaner all this and not the pool will be green the next day.

So this is your logic?So I went, I took the kids...I took one of those cubes first.

Where are the crumbs?

Smashed it up.And then I put it on my outside of a dick, because I'm uncircumcised, so I would pull the skin back, and that would fall into the fucking piss.And then, so he told me once, he goes, something happened last time.You fucked up the machine or something like that, right?

Yeah, look at this.Women would insert condoms filled with someone else's urine inside themselves, he said.Some athletes would inject urine into their bladders using a catheter.Oh, God, they did do that.So that's real.So maybe that's how he did it.

Maybe they used a catheter.And that's how they put the fake...

But then there's the Wizenator.

Yeah, that was the rubber dick.But wasn't there some stuff that you could buy that you would get at like a head shop and it supposedly detoxed you?

But does that stuff work?

Yeah, I always assumed that it wasn't real I was like you're selling this at a head shop stuff done from the 90s or some of the product the killer was When I use Drano, okay, so this is all bullshit.Yeah, they just robbed.Yeah, they just robbed people fetish urine Look at that says look at that's labels fetish urine.What the fuck does that mean?

It's probably a way to sell it because you have to say what?You know, not for human consumption.

Oh, so that's your buying piss?Oh, so that's an actual bag of piss on the right?

Oh, good lord.This one calls it tinkle.It's fetish urine.

So if you just like want someone to piss on you, but no one's willing.

And then that party Shayma took me to in that hotel next to the comedy store, and they were getting pissed on in there, the women.And then, I wake up Saturday, I'm feeling good about myself, and I'm on Twitter, and I see Bonnie Blue.She had a, that chick is fucking, she got pissed on.Had a baby shower.In her ass, people were pissing their pussy in her ass, and I'm like, somebody's gotta stop that woman.She's just, oh my God, a fucking baby shower?

When I used the drain, although that was the best, because that destroyed the machine.But the truth of the matter is..

.When he said something happened last time?

Well, this is what happened.I put the drain on my dick, and I walked up to the counter, and I put it on the desk, and he asked me questions.How's it been?And I'm looking at the thing, and it's starting to foam.Like this thing.And it's coming out of the bag.

And I'm looking at this thing going, this motherfucker better not.And what he did was just picked it up and threw it.in the bag, like when they pick it up and test it.Sometimes you leave the top off.That was an old trick.You leave the top off, and then it spills.

So that buys you one extra week.But the time with the Drano, it started like, wubba.It was like shaking at the thing, like foam was coming out of the fucking sides.And I locked it up good.That's what happened.There was no oxygen.

That motherfucker was like, boom.

So I put it in the fucking thing.

He called me a few days later.He's like listen.I wrote up a thing I'm taking you to court because you broke the machine this cannot continue This is like a fucking cat -and -mouse game.What did you put in your body?What happened?What the fuck is going on Jose?

Hey your machine sucks your machine sucks

That has nothing to do with me.No, and then they put me on this hold.They were like, we're not even going to piss you no more.We're done.We can't take this mental fucking.So this is when you're in the probation department.

Now they're going to throw me back in community corrections, because they'll put you in for 90 days.And in all that, I met this fucking guy.For three months, we spoke like nothing, like gentlemen.I would talk to him.Saw him once a week.And one day, I said, what do you do?

And he goes, I'm a district attorney in Boulder, Bill Wise.I need a beef.I need a problem.I'm on this probation.They won't leave me alone.What do I do to get off?

He goes, just have your attorney drop a statement, and I'll sign it and get you on probation.And that was it.Just a guy I met on the street, Bill Wise, and then he got fired after the JonBenet Ramsey thing.He was there during the whole JonBenet Ramsey thing, and everybody got fucking fired, I guess.I don't know.Bill Wise was a great dude, man.

He was good to me.And I told him.I asked him what I did.I told him the truth.And he goes, did you learn from the mistake?Yeah.

I'm here working, ain't I?He goes, OK, pass it over and I'll sign it.I'm like, how fucking lucky am I?

I'm done.

I'm done.I was done.Started in 87 and it was all the way to 91.For a year, I was fucking them up with the Pete thing.Then they put me back in the halfway house.And that was even worse.

I was out of control in there.There was freaks in there.There's fucking everything in there.Freaky girls.I was stealing the air conditioner out of the conference room and put it in my room.

They couldn't handle me there either.

They were like, Doug, you just go home.We're not gonna fuck with you no more.And that's what you do you do just wear somebody rag and they'll let you go eventually I'll just say you know what man it ain't worth it.You're never gonna stop You're never gonna stop and then a year later.I had like an affair with the one time I had an affair with like the chick that wasin that office She's the one that had the one leg Chinese food It never stopped and you think of those chunks in your life and go what the fuck was going on?

Yeah, you were out of control like it's 31 years and I still won't get back the ball because of the shame I endured Seriously, like I won't let everybody goes.Why don't you go back to both because I'm ashamed That was such a beautiful city and I treated like it was Newark, right?I would go to Kmart hang out outside of fucking the Lone Wolf more department and people will come out with new lawnmowers and the receipt would fly off I get that receipt go to Longmont and get that lawnmower for 400 and walk it up and go my mother bought me this I don't want it no more and I give him the receipt they give me 400 cash plus tax who does that?That fucking Toys R Us, I took that thing down by myself with those Jeffrey bucks.I took them down.What's a Jeffrey buck?

It's like when you bring a stolen computer in there and they won't give you cash, they'll give you Jeffrey bucks.So you have to spend it in the fucking store.

I had a million dollars in Jeffrey bucks at one time.

I was buying bicycles and fucking...I was an animal and I feel really guilty about it today.I'm thinking of booking the Fox Theater in Boulder, and doing like, because Lodizio's opening back up, my Italian joint.So they called and they said, we're opening back up.And I'm like, I'm thinking of doing Boulder, like Fox Theater.Just take my lumps, apologize, donate to something there, and just call it a fucking night.

Because I still feel guilty, man. I'm old, but now I feel guilty about the damage.I put Boulder through fucking eight, I mean, I got chased through the mall by security, and I'm throwing fucking CDs at them.I remember the Denver Broncos were playing Cleveland in 87.Those big playoff games.You remember those, Jamie?Talking about the mall one day and everybody's in the hallway looking at TVs.

I'm like, who's minding the store?I went into Radio Shack and I popped out the fucking CD player, brand new one, and just put the quarter on it and walked out like nothing.Who does that, dog?That's animal.I'm ashamed to admit this shit, but it was like you said when you first went to Boulder the first time.You're like, this must have been... fucking grocery store for Joey Diaz.

That's exactly what I said when I went there.It was a shame.Everybody's so, they're so like peaceful and sweet.I brought chaos.

Yeah.Chaos.It was too much.When I was in the prison, I brought chaos and I had my cell open.I did what I wanted.It was just too much.

And I, to this day, it's New York, you can shit like that because that's what New York is about.I was a fucking piece of shit in New York too, but I don't feel guilty about that.I still walk around the city now.

That's so many pieces of shit in New York.

Yes.It was unique, but in Boulder they didn't have anything like me. I was shaking down people.Some guy kept telling me, I saw you on A &E.Remember in the 90s and 80s, A &E was a mafia channel.They talked, Bill whatever, talked about A &E, the Corleone family.And this guy saw me one day, he's like, hey, you're the guy that's in the witness relocation plan.

This is 80 fucking...Nine.This is way before Sammy and all those guys went in.This guy's telling me, you're a witness -relocated guy, a little Italian guy.I saw you once on A &E.You're George the Animal something from Boston.

I'm like, dog, that's not me.Stop saying that.I already got problems in fucking Boulder.And you're telling people that I'm a witness -relocated mafia guy.He pissed me off so much, finally I just kicked this fucking door down here, like one of those Italian knick -knack stores.I went in there and I said, dog, since I'm George the Animal, I am.

You're gonna give me $200 a week.Bro, he started giving me 200 a week for like three weeks.Then he called a sit down with Antonio Lodezio.And Antonio's like, yeah, you got to keep paying him.And the guy closed up shop likeweeks later, and I never saw him again.

Little Italian guy would always kick his shoes up.Dog, that's crazy shit.I was snorting coke at an ATM in Boulder.Next to Murphy's, there's an ATM you could walk into with the door.I would go in there with a case of beer at night and just put coke on the metal.People would come and go ahead.

Can't take this shit back.But it was done, and I can't undo it, you know?But it bothers you now?

Well, does it bother you is it just make you listen confused?

I don't fucking remember half this shit I'm saying nobody ever remember this shit people on they moved on with their lives if they saw me nothing That's gotta kidnap the guy No, you know, my name was in the paper.My picture wasn't they didn't have a picture of me, but everything else was in the fucking paper It's a guilt.It's a weird fucking guilt man that I could have done so much better there If I would have played if I would have played my cards when I could have graduated college was a fucking astronaut Because they were gonna give me everything just cuz I was Cuban They had no Spanish people at that college.They had only like eight blacks that played football, so they were doing anything to get Latinos.I would have been a fucking astronaut with a GED.

Yeah, but we would have missed this, Joey.It's good that it turned out this way.

Let me ask you something.If you wouldn't have gotten into this fucking thing, what would you think you'd be doing now?

If I hadn't gotten into which one?

This thing that we're doing, stand -up comedy.Stand -up comedy opened up everything else.What would I be doing?

I don't know, man. I don't know.I probably would have fought again.

Would you be a chef?Would you be...I mean, I could pin you as a chef.You love to cook.

Yeah, I do love to cook.

A chef, a mason?

I would have found something that I enjoyed doing.What?I don't know.I would have figured it out.

What's your second love?

The real problem would be if I had a kid real young.I know a bunch of my friends got married and had kids when they're like 22, 23.There's nothing wrong with that.but then that really limits your ability to just go for it because you have mouths to feed.That's a different animal.I think about the early days of stand -up when I was 21 and how I had zero money.

I mean, zero.I had zero money.I barely could eat.I remember I had a big fucking jar of pennies and nickels, dimes and shit.And I remember rolling it all up so I could go get a sandwich.Like, I had no money.

And so I could imagine, like, if I was trying to do that, I said, well, I'm just going to live like this for a couple of years.And I think if I work hard enough, I could eventually start making money doing stand -up.And if I keep getting better, maybe I could be a professional.You know, that was the idea.It was never like have a career.But if I had a kid and I had a wife, there's no way I would have done it.

There's no way I would have gotten a job.And that's where a lot of people get into, you know, or maybe you think it's going to be a good investment to get a house.Which it is.But now you've got a mortgage.So you got a mortgage.You can't just fucking lose everything.

I got my car repossessed.I was broke, man. I was broke.

Bro, I used to have to hide my car in the garage so they wouldn't repossess it.Shit.

Yeah, I mean, it was 100 % check to check.Never had any money in the bank.

I don't know if this ever happens to you, but it happens to me a lot, though.This is why I started this Grateful shit, because there are days I pull up to my house.I don't know who lives there.Yeah.I go, who lives here?This is me. I know it doesn't feel real and then you ask you say yourself This is the most important thing for people listening I want you to listen to this if you have a dream or a goal you go I got to pay for that with comedy which I always thought I was just gonna make a hundred dollars a set and I would have been fine with that if Nobody would have ever bothered me in my life.

I would have been fine with a hundred dollars a set Getting in my beat -up carand doing that.Getting your dick sucked, getting STDs.I would have done all that shit, you know?That's what it is.So when you look at your house, whether it cost $40 ,000 or $80 million, and go, I paid for this doing $15 sets at the Comedy Store.

Yeah.

When you got into this, you just wanted to survive.Never mind the fucking house, and cars, You never dreamed of this with stand -up.I know I didn't.

I never dreamed of this with anything.

No.

I never thought I would be a person who had money.

I dreamed of being a funny person and to be funny enough to make a living in stand -up.

Yeah.

I never saw this part of it.So when I pull up in my house and I go, that was paid with $20 sets.$25 here, $15 here, $100 here.Yeah, that adds up.I'm not saying that, but that was paid by a dream.Yeah, not a job.

Not something my family did I wasn't forced into like Raising lemons or whatever the fuck people do that a decent, you know grow lemons, you know Seriously, we were born into this.This is something we got into and said I just want to survive I just want to be able to eat three meals and get enough gas to go to the next thing forget money in the bank Forget it.It's overrated.I would never even open up a bank.I didn't open up the bank house.I was 40 years old.

I You know, I just ran on whatever the fuck.I would open and put 20 in and write a bounce check and fuckin' move on and pray that nobody caught you, you know?And people have no idea what that feeling is like.I get in my car and I go, holy shit, how many cars did I have that had a, what are those, bungee cords?Oh yeah, a bungee cord.So I had a car when I first did comedy.

I had to close the door with a bungee cord.Cross my thing, it was like my combination seatbelt, because if I took a fuckin' right turn, the door would open.You know, the door would just wing open.Now I'm in a car that's fuckin' I paid for.With comedy.not drugs.

A nice one.Not anything.No, whether it's nice or not, you paid for this without nobody's interference.With somebody, with something that somebody told you you'd never be good at.You'd never be good at.Somebody at least said it to you one time.

Joe, come on, man, comedy?I'm sure.You're never gonna, what do you think, you're gonna be on HBO with fuckin' Richard Pryor and George Carlin?You laugh, but you're like, they're kinda right.They were fuckin' wrong, we didn't know it.We just didn't fucking know it.

You know in six months.I'll be able to run ten miles, and then I'm gonna keep going But then you quit before the miracle happens a lot somewhere along the line not many people Do we know that quit how many people do we know that we're really talented that we're really funny and just disappeared And now you see my shame anybody But there's a few guys, and this is one guy at the early days of the comedy store that I really tried to help I Connected him to my manager And I was like, this guy's legit.I'm like, you're funny, dude.Like you're, you're good.If you just fucking stay.And then had a bunch of personal problems, had a kid.

I think he had some legal issues.Damn.But that guy, I'm like, I'll tell you later who it was.Yeah.Yeah.But I was like, that motherfucker was funny.

He was funny.

Way funnier than I was.

He was great.He was a fun dude to be around.He was a cool dude.I was like, he's going to make it.

There was people I looked at and I go, they're way funnier than I am.

Holy fuck.Holy fuck.Nobody.but it helps them and it helps you.It helps you feel better.You feel better that you're helping someone.

It's like, I always say that being generous is kind of selfish in a way, because you feel better too.Like when I'm generous, I feel better.

I do.

Yeah.Yeah, we all do.And when we're kind and when we try to help people, you feel better.It's good for you.It's good for everybody.And it's like, that's a message that the world needs to hear.

Like you could be good to people, And if you're good to people and you're nice to people, it'll help you too.And if you find someone who's got something, and you're doing a thing, like you're doing a thing, and there's someone who's got a spark, there's a little talent, help them.Help those people.Give them advice.Give them a push.Let them open for you.

Watch their set.Give them some feedback.Help them.

We're not in the comedy business, Joe.I've never been in the comedy business.I don't know what anybody's talking about.We're in the karma business.I'm in the karma business.I am not in the car my goal every day is to make somebody's day one person a Woman at a supermarket.

You're looking fucking bad in a motherfucker today.Oh stop it Joey Yeah, that I just made her fucking day her husband sees her every day and never tells her she's banging And I'm going up to this late.I don't even know and I'm like damn if I was 20 years younger You know they're older than me like they know That's my thing every day.Just make somebody's day.One person.You can't save the world.

But one day a gesture, a handshake, a couple dollars is not going to set you back.

That is kind of what you, if you're, if you're doing a thing or you're doing something that people enjoy, like think about it.sets.Think about how many people have come to see you, and you change their night.Gone to see you, how many nights at the store, people come in, you wanna see a show?Yeah, let's go see a show.You go on stage and rock that fucking place.

They leave, they're holding their side, they're like, ah!And they go out and get something to eat afterwards.Remember when he said that fucking thing about, ah!And they're done.You change people's evenings.You change their feelings.

You change the way they feel.And you feel good because of it.It's like this weird exchange.The reason why we love killing.Especially people that are really good at it.What they love is that they're making other people happy.

That's really what you love.

I love it.

You're making other people happy and you feel happy because you make it and when you don't, oh you feel terrible.

I feel, I do better when I look at the audience and they're laughing and I laugh with them.Once I laugh, you're done.Yes.You're done.Yeah.Once I start laughing and giggling, that's it.

If it's real parties.

Oh, yeah.Yeah.No, it's we're having fun.It's real.Yeah, it's real when I look out there I see somebody that should not be laughing and they're laughing at something blue is shit that I said and I don't expect them to laugh That's what makes me laugh or the look on their face from the shock of you saying something That's what always kicks me into this fucking mode, you know, yeah The other thing I want to talk about in this podcast because I was talking to a friend of mine Jersey a stand -up And this is the other thing people don't see We're very blessed because we went to LA or the fuck we went and one day you're talking to somebody two weeks later They're in a fucking the biggest movie in Hollywood Yeah, and it's very hard to explain to people to sit believe in yourself and just keep showing up and that this happens But since people don't have see that happen in their world, you know in Jersey, what do you see a guy?It's the lottery he can wins a million dollars.

That's their way out ofthis life.For us, it was like, we saw too many people make it, like this.Like one day they had nothing, and the next day they're on CBS fucking doing a show for eight years.Whether it's Kevin, or whether it's fucking the other guy, the great guy from Pittsburgh.You've seen that, so it gives you hope.

Now, at that situation, you could say, fuck that dude, he's a fucking loser.You could go, good for him.He just moved the notch up a little bit so I could get on that conveyor line.That's the beauty of it.Not looking at that person going, fuck him.He sucks.

He stole my joke in Pittsburgh.Who gives a fuck about Pittsburgh in 89?Guy's on TV now.You know, whatever he is, be happy.Because you're next.You know him, you fucking do sets with him.

You're there in the rotation with him at the store every night.It can happen for you too.It happens, so once you see it, you go, oh shit, okay, now I know what I need to do.That's if you're real.That's if you're real.I need to get off coke, I need to cut the shit out, I need to do this, this, and this, just to get me closer to that.

Because I see it too much.I see people living in an apartment with eight people, and next thing I know they got a house in Beverly Hills.Most people don't see that.So it's tough to explain to them Because everybody thinks you're going to hit the lottery and your life's going to change.Boy, are they mistaken.Everybody thinks $10 million is going to change their life and make them a better person.

It's not.It's not.We think it's going to.When you were broke all those years, you used to say, I can't wait to have money.But you never said, I can't wait to have money for what?

I never thought I would have money.Me neither.I never said, I can't wait to have money.My thought was, I want to make a living.That's it.That's it.

That's why I was.Even when I first started with stand up, like it was just to make a living.It was just doing this.I was a fucking loser in like regular society.I was good at kickboxing.I was a loser in regular society.

I didn't graduate college.I barely got out of high school.I wasn't paying attention.I didn't care about school.All I cared about was whatever I cared about, whether it was drawing or whether it was martial arts.Those are the things that I cared about.

That's it.So I always felt like I just need to find a way to live.Because I'm never gonna be a successful person.I had like resigned myself to that.I had no aspirations.You were way worse than me because you were in and out of jail.

No, I had no family, felonies, no GED.I was set to fucking die.

Yeah.

And that little fucking accident I had when I was 25 years old, you know, it's like right now I'm You're going you look at the news and there's this big thing going on by the ice facility by my house in Jersey In Newark, they keep wrecking banging and I'm sitting there going.That's how stupid we are as Americans I don't know if Americans know this shit when you go to jail, you lose all your rights You know, I don't go to jail Joe cuz that sleep apnea machine doesn't mean nothing in jail.We don't care if you die, right?You know what you have to do to get him sleep apnea machine in jail You got to go to a manufacturer to send it to you directly Which we'll get into later.But my point is that fucking What was my point?I don't even know, I got so high before.

Your point was that you never thought you were going to go anywhere.

No, I never thought I was going to go anywhere.

Until comedy came around and you realized, oh, this is a thing that I can do.

But all I wanted was $4 ,000 a month.In my mind, I was such a loser that I said to myself, if I can make 4 ,000 a month, I'm a millionaire.And today, 4 ,000 a month doesn't even get you rent.Not even nothing.

But back then, 4 ,000 a month was like 8 ,000 a month.

Yeah, 8 ,000 a month now.

And you would say, okay, if I made 100 grand a year, I can live.You can live off 100 grand a year and be comfortable.like that's the goal the goal was always just to be comfortable But the thing with you is I've realized it's like very early on You were gonna.It was gonna take a different path like I remember watching like you emerge When you really started like killing on stage, and I was saying and then you know all these agents You remember I had that one agent that would get mad Get mad.I was like what the fuck is wrong.He's not I don't think he's funny.

I don't think he's talented I go you don't know what the fuck you're talking about.You don't know anything.I go.Why does he make me laugh so hard?He's well.You're a degenerate like you're a fuck crazy person you got to realize the audience is offended And yeah, that's your audience like shut the fuck up.

I knew that you were a different path So for you, your emergence came with the emergence of the internet.And when the internet came around and we started doing podcasts, I'm like, this is the way that Joey's going to break.Because they'll get to see the real you.

When I told stories.Listen, it's like 24 -7 on HBO.You may hate fucking, I don't know, throw any name up.You may hate that boxer for some reason.Whatever, he's cocky.But then they show you his house.

And they show you he's got four daughters.And they show you that he wakes up every morning and feeds the daughters.You thought he was a fucking animal.In the cage, he's an animal.But in life, he's just a regular guy.And you get to see that and go, no, I like him.

I don't see a guy that just punches people in the head.I see a guy that's, look at him.He's got fucking makeup on for his daughters, and he's cooking breakfast every morning.Then he goes trains, like that Jason, what was his name?The big yoke brother from the UFC, Alexander.Remember he came, and he was knocking heads, and they found out he couldn't do jiu -jitsu.

Great guy, though.Houston.Houston Alexander.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I watched that thing on him.He was raising four girls.His wife, the crack mom, left.That dude was a tank.He was a tank.and he would train in the morning then go home cook for the kids.

Remember when he knocked out Keith Jardine?Big upset.

Big upset.

Big upset.And then Jardine just tried to take him out and Houston Alexander was throwing bombs.He was big and fucking strong.Jacked.Jacked.And he was a radio DJ.

You know, he was a radio DJ.I didn't know that.Yeah, he was a hip -hop DJ.Find out where Houston Alexander was a DJ.I'd love to know where he is now.

Like a big DJ.Yeah, he's a good guy.Like, he was successful.He always talked to me at the airports and shit.

Very good guy.Very good guy.I was like, wow.

But, you know, I knew that once I was able to tell my story, where I came from, I didn't know how to do it on stage.Then after I did a podcast over the years, I got better enough to learn how to do it on stage.

But you did figure out how to do something on stage.That was the switch.And the switch was you figured out how to be Joey Diaz in the parking lot on stage.

In stage.That was killing me.

But it went like that.

Like that.

I never saw anybody flip a switch from struggling on stage to crushing like you.I was like, this is wild.

And I'm going to tell you some of the reasons.I was too focused on material.You're too focused on your fucking material.And you know what?At the end of the day, your material sucks.I've heard it already.

And that's what I would think in my mind.So I would do better when I went up there.just with one thought and attacked it.You know what I mean?I mean, it's hard to explain what I'm saying to you.

Yeah, no, you...What you what you did was you treated the audience like they were your boys and we're all hanging out Versus treated the audience like I'm a comic.Here's some jokes Like when you first started when I first what did I meet you in 96 97 97 when I first met you you were doing jokes, right?

Go on stage and focus on the jokes on that paper.Don't focus on that at 1130 at the store your jokesdon't mean shit.They just saw three hours of top -notch comedy.What are you bringing to the table?You gonna go up there and tell me what I saw on the news?

And who taught us that?Paul Mooney.How to relax.He would just go up there, and in my mind, he was just vibing with the audience.

He did a lot of that.

And it worked, and I took that realm of relax.

Mooney taught us a lot.

Relax.

He was a real veteran.You know, he was like one of the only guys when we were there that was there during the prior years.The prior years.And was respected.He wasn't like one of those, there was a few guys that were still hanging around that had literally acts from the 1980s.

Garbage.They were still doing like Springsteen jokes.No, it was terrible.

It was just bad.But his laid back attitude.Always topical too.Always new shit.Anytime new shit was going on the news, he had 10 solid minutes on it.And quick, that day.

They told him on the news that night, that day.He grew up there.I remember he was crushing on stage once.We were dying in the back of the room.He goes, oh, that's right.I write, motherfucker.

I write.Yeah.No, no.He's a fucking.

We were dying.

But that calmness taught me how to.I was going up there and rushing.

Yeah.

I was going up there doing two mistakes, rushing and worrying about that material like it was Bible.

Right.

I'll give you an example.Sometimes I get an audition, right, when I was doing a lot of auditions.This is when I learned that, early on when I was auditioning.that if I focused on that line, those lines, I wasn't going to book that part.So I had to dip into Marlon Brando's fucking tools.Marlon Brando didn't read shit.

He put those signs on you, so you felt more organic.But it wasn't even that.It was know who your character is. I could tell you to go fuck your mother 18 different ways, right?Right.So it's the same thing.You have to just learn, not the words, but what you can do.

to say in there.You don't need the words.The words are bullshit.What is this guy trying to say in there?Yeah, you take some of the sentences that he's saying, but you slow it down.And that's what he did in that scene, when he tells everybody if my son should hang by a bolt of lightning, you, then out, Marlon Brando in the hotel scene, that's a beautiful fucking scene, if you love that shit like I do.

All those motherfuckers were wearing signs.You've seen the behind -the -scenes of that.So their words, the script was on...Were on papers.So Duval was sitting across from him with a billboard.

That's hilarious.

That boss was sitting across from him, and you see him, like, he'd just look up.And that, I will not forgive.And he'd take another pause and look at another cue card, because he wanted it to be organic.He didn't want it to sound like those fucking lines this writer wrote.Right.And that's for everything.

If you know the character, I know the character, I know me.See?

That's crazy.

Everybody had signs, Doug.

That is really crazy.

But it worked.Isn't that crazy?Did it work?In The Godfather, did it work?Okay, so go fuck yourself.

I was watching this thing where they were very skeptical about him playing.Oh, did you see the Sony thing?

Yeah.The Sony series?Very good.

Yeah, very good.Very good.Yeah.Wasn't it interesting?Imagine skeptical about Marlon Brando playing The Godfather.

Well, brother, he had shot a movie.Mutiny on the bounty and they went down there and the motherfucker fucked that chick and he wasn't even directing anymore He was in a hut.He gave like the ad the camera you didn't hear about that.Yeah, that's a huge story That's apocalypse now, right?No, no, and then apocalypse now he went to a meeting They gave him all this loot and they told him you got a sharp 180 like you're supposed to be a green beret, right?He showed up 400.

Well, that's why they kept him in the dark, right?They kept him in the dark and he shaved my black shirt.You know, he didn't give a fuckHe did it however, and that's why they hated him.But at the same time, you gotta love the motherfucker, because it's working.

Yeah, well, it was authentic, right?

Yeah, that Apple TV show was very interesting.It was.And I met that dude.Remember, he created the Longest Yard.Al Ruddy did the Longest Yard from scratch.When he did The Godfather, I think he didn't take two, and he went to do The Longest Yard.

He loved it.So he created The Longest Yard.So when we shot our Longest Yard, he was there every Friday for his little checky -poo.Big motherfucker.Big dude, dog.Good dude.

Big hands and shit.Would just talk to you about stuff.Good dude.So I got it.Like, that motherfucker, you know, Pete Ruddy.And I think he did something else after that.

Look at the movies he did.Look at the movies he did.Jamie, when you got a minute, Paul Ruddy's films.

What was that other question I had asked you earlier?

About?

I asked you to look something up.I forgot.Yes, Omaha.Yes, Omaha.He was from Omaha.That's what it is.

What radio station?Is he still doing it?

Yeah, it says he currently is.

He currently is still.Look at that.We gotta call him.I think he fought recently.I think he had a fight, like, within the last couple of years.

Did he?This says 2017 for MMA box, bare -knuckle boxing in 2023.That's it.Yeah.104 of his bare -knuckle fights.

Yeah.Bare -knuckle fighting.Dude's a DJ.UFC veteran it's a bucket.

Let's get some bare -knuckle fights fucking greatest that you could DJ and then go fight somebody crazy Yeah, and that's life man.That's a life.That's worth living.You got your money.You get your money's worth Yeah, your money's worth.Yeah, you want to sit at home be sanitary, whatever live like, you know watching TV and you're scared

they're going to bomb you, you're done.You gotta keep fucking living, and that's what, you know.

Yeah, you gotta do things.That's the thing about life.You gotta do things.Too many people just sit around wanting to do things and not doing anything.It's hard to get moving, though.That's what a lot of people find.

They find it's hard to, like, go out to that club for that first open mic, step into that gym the first time.Like, D -Rod, Daniel Rodriguez, did you see that podcast?

We talked about how he got arrested in Tijuana.

You know D -Rod from the UFC?Yeah.So D -Rod beats Kevin Holland, goes to San Diego celebrating, and his boy's like, let's go to Tijuana.Fuck yeah, let's go to Tijuana.Just go to drink, have a good time.He just won a huge fight.

Top 15 UFC welterweight.has an ounce of weed in his bag, he thinks, well, weed's legal in California, weed's decriminalized in Mexico, who cares?Maybe I'll bribe somebody, I'll get out of this.It's a federal offense to bring weed in.And even though weed's decriminalized in Mexico, it's not for visitors.It's only for Mexican citizens.

Yeah, bro.How'd he get out of that one?Well, one of the things he had to do was become a Mexican citizen.So he's got dual citizenship now.Yeah.He was in jail for fucking eight months, man.

Yeah, he was just training in jail.He looks great.He looks great now, but when he got out he was he's like I had no protein so I'm in there working out every day with fucking eating noodles and Potato chips no protein no protein and so he he got real thin like he showed a photo of him like the day He got out.I mean this motherfucker was training every day twice a day in jail He's like I'm gonna make the most out of this, but it's he has no food The food's terrible.So his body wasted away.I think I used to get pretty good.

He asked to try to get it.Yeah, he said you get girls you get all these different things.He goes he couldn't get fucking good food in Mexico in Mexico.Yeah, and he was a cellmate with a cartel guy.The cartel guy.took care of him the cartel got Recognized and look what they carry hang out with us And he just said I'm gonna keep my nose down and just train But he said he got a bunch of guys training with them because they were inspired.

They're like fuck Yeah, let's train with D broad so he had all these guys in there.

He said some of them were fucking town prisons fun I don't give a fuck what anybody tells you once you get to your destination And you meet your homies, and you create a little thing.It's like anything else We just can't step out the walls.But you make it happen.Like, I laughed a lot in that, bro.I laughed.I bet you did.

Because nobody's funnier in prison than black people.I don't give a fuck what they tell you.They're the true kings of the prison system.And I had the two best.I just had the two best.

And, you know, sometimes - Well, that's why you first did stand up, right?

Mm -hmm.

First did stand up just for the inmates.

Yeah, Wednesday, Thursday nights.Just have you go up and just talk some shit.During the movies, they would go, this movie sucks.They would be like PT 109.You know, we don't want to see fucking Kennedy in a movie.Get up there, Cuba.

And I would just go up there and fuck around.And it was nothing that I ever thought about anything.Like, you said something before, thinking about the first time you went to that open mic.Boy, was that scary for me.Terrifying.Took me eight months.

I was such a pussy.I would call Comedy Works in Denver every week, and every week I'd cancel.Joey Diaz, you have a three -minute spot.Oh, I don't feel good.And then my ex -wife, God bless her as much as I hate her, she heard me on the phone and she asked her mother to babysit.And she drove me down and I got on stage.

I remember getting off that stage going, how am I going to do this?I'm married with a kid and three months later.She came home was like you're a loser.I don't wanna be married to you no more, but yes Holy fuck You just did me fucking solid then she did me shitty afterward But the point is she at least got me to that open mic so I'm grateful for something that she did You know it's the heart the first steps the hard one.

Yeah, what I'm saying isD -Rod, the first time he ever went to the gym, his girlfriend got him a membership.She was like, because he drove by it a bunch of times, thought about training, never went in.He had a bunch of street fights, never went in.He's like, I think I could do that.And then finally, she's like, look, I got you a present.

I got you a membership.

Hold that thought.Can I go pee real quick?We're at the two hour mark.

We'll be right back.

We'll be right back.I got to go pee.

We're back.

That was a tremendous pee.Oh my God.

The worst is when you try to concentrate and you have to piss.

No, that's the worst.That's the fucking worst.You have to drive and shit and you gotta pee.And I'm to an age I just pull over.

Yeah?

Highway, whatever I pull.I open up the both doors and I make believe I'm looking for something.And that dick is out peeing, like, I pee on the little leaf field.And now I got, after the surgery, they gave me a handicapped spark.And I'm living like a doctor.You don't know what life is until you have handicapped parking, dog.

You just pull right up.There's always a spot?

Yeah.

When I got in the mail, dog, I was happy.That made me so happy.When I go to events now in Philadelphia, I just pull up and shit.Put a neck brace on, walk out and shit.Oh, it's been beautiful, Joe.

What do you have to do to get one of those?

The doctor.

That's it.

The doctor was like, oh, do you have it after surgery?I get it for you for six months.And then he goes, hold on one second.He went online, he's like, dog, you qualify for everything.You got everything on this list.Everything, go.

And they gave it to me for fucking like three years.

Oh, nice.

Yeah.I fucking, oh man, that's Joe.

How does it feel right now?You're all right?

Yeah, it feels okay.I just, listen, what happens is you do something every week.Like the second week I went, third week I went, couple weeks I went boxing.and it was good for like three times.And one day I went and I had a plan, 20 for five minutes, eight rounds, on the bag or the speed bag, but I do the bags, and I alternate the bags.Sure enough, round number six, one of the guys comes over and he goes, Joey, let's hit the mitts.

I'm excited, you know, he's a young guy, let's do it.I left there and my fucking leg blew up from that right punch to cross because everything walks into it.

You're also moving around.

You're moving around.So I said, fuck it.Now I got to stand in front of the bag.So I learned my lesson.And then last week I went to PT and that motherfucker had me. I mean, I love him.But TJ this motherfucker had me doing deadlift lifts and wall squats with a thing with your weight on the back So it's all just to strengthen the muscles, but you have to strengthen, but I prepped I listened to you guys I you know, I did everything I could before the surgery.

That's what made it easier Made a lot easier.I called you.I told you I was doing shit in five days.I didn't have a cane no more, you know I was done.I started driving at eight days.Not because I couldn't, but because I was sick and tired of my wife driving me places.

And I gotta, you know, argue with her in the right -hand lane.

No problem?

Yeah, like a motherfucker.

Wow.

That's crazy.So it was the right foot, which is the accelerated brake combo.So yeah.But yeah, I was out of the house.You know, the pain pills were done after eight days.Then I had to bring them back for PT.

They were fucking killing me after PT.So after PT, you pop one, go home, put ice on it, rub it down.With the cream and stay off it for an hour or two.But then at night, I take a walk around the neighborhood.

You're trying to strengthen this shit.

You know, we're talking about it outside.Let's say you're in a hospital for five days.And you eat cereal for five fucking days.You gain weight.Your muscle breaks down and goes away.Like, five days staying in a hospital could fucking kill you.

Just because, again, there's not that much protein.You're not getting 150 grams of protein a day.And you're not moving.And you're not moving.so that's the big one I prepped for the surgery took all the supplements ways to well told me everything besboreen I took shit my fucking pisses like glows in the dark at night purple yellow It's fucking amazing.I did all my PTs all my BPCs 157 all my TB 500 I did them for fucking to the T like they told me to And, you know, listen, I'm 63 and it's a 63 -year -old me, so I don't expect to be in the UFC fighting O 'Gara next week, but...

I could walk around and enjoy life with no fucking pain.Or no, it's not pain.You always have an issue.You know it.You always have that thing with your knees.Sometimes it sticks.

Well, then you gotta do simple shit.You gotta get a piece of paper, put it on the floor, and just roll your heel back and forth 20 times and do kicks when you're sitting around.All those things help the knee.You get that band and you put it around your leg and you just straighten out your leg.I do that at home.This is shit I do at home, you know, instead of watching TV.

It takes 15 fucking minutes.

15 fucking minutes of your time.

And I got the bull worker.They sent me a bull worker.

What's that?

The thing I told you last time about it.It's isometrics shit.

Oh, okay.

So I did the bull worker.I did the deadlift with the bull worker.Now I'm fucked because I don't know how to change the strings.So I gotta learn how to fucking change the strings.But that's all it was.It was preparing for the surgery.

Right.

You can't just go in there and not strengthen the little muscles around the area.

Yeah, that's it.Yeah, you got to do something.It's very important, especially if you're going to go into surgery.I know a lot of people that have had knee surgery and didn't do that.

And they won't go to PT.You don't go to PT.What the fuck is wrong with you?Yeah, that's they came.Listen, I had the surgery Thursday.I was knocking Friday fucking afternoon.

I was home Friday from the hospital.And they said they're coming over today.That motherfucker had me going up and downstairs walking outside with thecane, getting in and out of the tub.He was, I don't even have a tub, I have a walk -in shower, but he was like, I'm gonna do everything with you.So it was pretty fucking, like I said, this surgery was a lot better.

The company that I did business with was a lot better.Last time I did it at Center State, that's like a medical network in New Jersey.Not bad, they have a great facility there, but you know, When I went to do the surgery, my acupuncture said, when you go talk to that guy the day before the surgery, ask him about the sanitary conditions at the hospital.So when I went, I said, hey, what's the sanitary conditions at the hospital?He's like, ah, you hear rumors.And then when I went for the surgery, they prepped me up.

They gave me everything.They gave me the IV.They were right about to do that thing in my back.And he said, we're not doing the surgery.I don't agree with sanitary.I was pissed.

I'm like happy, I could have ended up in the hospital.

That doctor didn't agree with the sanitary conditions?

He came out and said, no, not today.We'll do it next week at a different hospital.

Yeah.That's crazy.So were people getting MRSA or something?

Something.They had MRSA in there.And they're like, no, everybody was telling me, be careful with the MRSA in that hospital.

Oh, MRSA's fucking terrifying.

But the funny thing was he gave me a 20 milligram oxy, which they never gave you.That's a strong motherfucker.I forgot I took it.Remember I told you.I forgot.I'm in a Chinese restaurant yelling, Chino!

I'm like, what the fuck is wrong with me?Oh, shit.

I took that 20.I was fucked up for eight hours on that thing.So they give it to you before the surgery?

Yeah, just one of the precaution.They did that.A precaution?Yeah, precaution, whatever.So you don't wake up in the middle of surgery yelling and fucking screaming like a pussy.They do that the epidural the epidural was tough because I felt it in my nutsack like they give you a couple shots and one of the shots made me actually go like this because I felt it on the bottom towards the end of the nutsack not on the meat potatoes part but towards the end close to the muffler

I was like, this is not bueno, dog.

What is the thing they do?I saw this video online about it.It's like, I think it's called nerve ablation.I might be making that up.But they literally cut the nerves off when people have back pain.Some people with back pain, it's like they're in constant nerve pain.

And they were showing how they just snip the nerves.And I was like, wait a minute.Does that hinder your movement?What happens there?Is this it?Yeah.

So what is that?Radiofrequency ablation for back pain management.What does it mean?Like, what is that?What do they do?Because the way I was looking online, I'm like, it looks like they just cut the nerves.

A minimally invasive outpatient procedure uses heat to intentionally damage nerves, carrying pain signals from the spine to the brain.Primarily provides long lasting relief for chronic back pain caused by arthritis or facet joint degeneration.Wow.But does that mean your back just keeps getting worse but you don't feel it?What happens when you do that?Duration.

The procedure typically takes 30 -60 minutes.You can usually go home the same day.Pain relief is not immediate, often takes one to three weeks for the nerve to fully settle.Relief typically lasts anywhere from six to 12 months, although it can last for several years for some patients.Are the nerves permanently destroyed?No, the nerves regenerate over time.

When the nerve grows back, your pain may return, but the procedure can be repeated.

Whoa.What is the recovery and risks?What's the risks?

Complications are rare, but include infection, bleeding at the insertion site, temporary numbness, or skin irritation.Oh, normal stuff.Huh, interesting.Pain, that's nuts, man.Just shut up.off the paint.

You kind of want to know if it hurts though, no?I would imagine like you're doing more damage if it hurts, right?

It's like cortisol.You're numbing it, and then it keeps getting worse, but you don't feel...

Well, especially cortisone with cortisone.You can only do that so many times for like joints it can degrade Tendons and stuff because some people their knuckleheads they just keep getting cortisone shots next thing.

You know your shoulder falls apart You don't know that's the worst thing.

Yeah, you could tear tear.

That's what they'll let you do if you let them So this is what I'm saying unless you check out what option listen.It's 2026 man I'm scared of needles and I'll tell you half my life.I fucked up because I was scared of needles If I would have just I don't know what it was.I just scared of needles now I'll fucking take a needle wherever the fuck you want to give it to You know I'm saying like now you can shoot me while I'm standing up I don't once you get used to doing peptides needles.

Yeah, and those just diabetic medicine if you don't want that makes sense So if you're in pain anyway, yeah, so a success rate is 70 to 85 percent.I don't know It's most stressful when the procedure targets the medial branch nerves responsible for facet joint arthritis.Success typically defined as 50 % or greater reduction in lower back pain, better physical function, reduced need for pain medication.That's big.Because some people, they're just fucking, especially back stuff, some people are just in agony every day.They wake up and they're just in agony.

And it's a long road back, you know, to getting, if you have back pain, it's a long road to heal that shit.And you've got to be very, very smart about it.And you've got to stretch.That's one thing that a lot of people don't like to do.A lot of lower back pain, a lot of that is just everything's tight.And you can stretch and relieve a lot of that shit.

A lot of that.

Yoga comes in handy.You don't go anymore, do you?You don't go anymore.

I do a lot of yoga things, though.At your house?I haven't, yeah.I actually have a yoga room in the studio.I've never used it.We got a heated room.

We could crank that fucker up to 105 degrees and do yoga in there.

I haven't done the real life.I'll tell you what else I did after the surgery that worked.Hyperbaric chamber.

Oh, yeah.That's big.

I did that twice a week.I still got six left.

That's huge for recovery.For recovery, that's fantastic.

And my oxygen levels are always low, Joe.I got to figure, I got to talk to Waze tomorrow.Every morning I wake up, 88%.You know, I'm always in the red zone.I got to, because I think lack of oxygen is helping me burn fat and a lot of other shit.My oxygen's at 88 some days, 85.

Why would that help you burn fat?Because you need oxygen to do everything.You need oxygen for a fucking fire.

So if you have low oxygen, you burn fat?

How can you recuperate?How can you fully recuperate with no oxygen in your fucking...

I think, I don't fucking know.I'm not sure that's correct, but I think that...The more you exercise, the more you're going to get oxygen in your system for sure.Hyperbaric pain chamber will help, but once you're like fully healed up and you can really exercise on a regular basis, it'll get back to normal.

No, because I do breath exercise every morning.That's what you have to do.You have to breathe through your nose like 10 times and then hold it.And then I take the - What do they think is causing it?

The low oxygen?

They don't know.

They don't know?

They don't know nothing.They don't know nothing.They don't want to find out nothing.But I'll take the cord and the clip that you put on your finger, I put it on my ear.It gives you a better read.

What's more accurate?

So far, the ear for me. I learned that from an old Filipino lady in the hospital.She had all the tricks.So I do that.I test it.You know, when I wake up in the morning, I have it.I check my blood pressure like twice a day.

It's the best it's been in 20 fucking years.

I think some of those Fitbits can do that shit now.Can they do that?What?Do they measure oxygen levels?Some of those really advanced wearable devices can measure oxygen levels too now, I think.Is that real?

Yeah, yeah, they all do.They all do.That's part of the deal.They measure your heart rate, heart rate variable.

Like those wearables, like the wrist stuff?Yeah.Oh, really?

So I'll tell you what I got in mind.What are you wearing?A whoop?The whoop does that?

The whoop tests oxygen levels?

I gotta get back on the whoop.

I used to use it all the time.They've gotten even better.

My heart rate's good today.My oxygen's 91, because I'm here with you.And my skin temperature's minus one, so it takes all that shit.

My problem with wearables is all these tattoos.Oh, okay, it's reading it now.This reads my heart rate.This is a Garmin.It reads my heart rate sometimes.Now it's not.

Like, it doesn't read through the tattoos very well.I have to, like, move it around.That's fucking insane.Yeah.That's fucking insane.It can't read through the tattoos, because the ink's in the way.

It doesn't, you know, it's literally using some sort of a visual system.It's like, it's light.Like, if you look at the back of the watch, there's like a light back there.See?

Yeah, I am the same.

That is flashing into your veins and then it somehow or another gets information from that and that's how it tells you.

Yeah, because I have the same thing.

Yeah, so the problem is all these tattoos.I thought about like removing my tattoos just around the circle where the watch goes.Just like go get it lasered.I might do it because I don't see that.

I'm always no I always have a watch on and so like now they're speaking about you know burning your nerves and all that shit and that thing that One year I had a funk.I still got a fungi toenail, but I had the really bad fungi toenail And I saw a thing in Groupon for a company in Studio City that blow -torched it with heat for six sessions Yeah, no it never worked, but I went anyway the lady would put like a mask on And she'd look at my toenail, like you could see a fucking...And as she was burning it, you could smell the fungus burning.It smells like dead fucking assholes.And she would be there, and I would ask her questions, so she'd have to pull the mask off.Take a whiff of this fucking fungi toenail.

There's times I buff it out myself now cuz nobody'll buff it out for me like I can't take it to a Chinese woman They'll lose their mind.

Can you put like anti -fungus cream?

I put everything on it.It's too deep if this fungus runs deep This is this is the fungus I brought back from Cuba And it's good it fucking pops up from time to time I get under my tit like it's just the fungus just grows I don't know what I have to eat like some days I eat something and it backfires and I get all these fungus marks I get all itchy and shit But this bitch burnt that toe for six weeks and every week I would ask her more creepy questions.She would have to take that mask off and smell that fungus.Dog, it was horrible.When she would walk out, she'd close the door.I was like, nope.

And the thing never worked.She never burned me once.But she was serious with that blowtorch.It didn't work?No, it did nothing.I told you, the fungus is too deep.

So to get rid of that, you have to do a liver test to see how strong.Because the zapping is fucking hard on your body.And it's really hard on your liver.So my liver is too strong.cut it.So they can't zap me with that medication.

Did you hear about that lady who had Alzheimer's?She couldn't talk anymore.They gave her five grams of psilocybin mushrooms.

And she's singing opera now.

All of a sudden, she came back.

It's unbelievable.Started talking.

They said she hadn't talked in a long time.She could remember things.

I know for a fact.I got a good buddy of mine that studied.That was his childhood thing.Every time you smoke crack you should have seen that motherfucker not a strut in there He talks to you straight Paul.

You know Paul stamets the mushroom expert.He's been on the podcast He's an illegitimate mycologist like a scientist.He had a horrible stutter.He was a kid took 10 grams Gone.

Gone.Gone.It's unreal.And people will still go, no, no.Mushrooms are deadly.They're going to kill you.

Fuck you.

Isn't that crazy?

You need to see the devil every once in a while in your life.And that's what people don't.They don't see the downside.Because eating those mushrooms from time to time makes you step out, like THC does, and makes you look at yourself and make like a judgment call on what the fuck you're doing with your life.

What are you doing with your life?Are you chewing that fucking zin and talking at the same time?Yeah.

I don't know.I don't have big enough fucking gums, I guess.I don't know.Don't stay there.

Yeah, it's, the real problem is that it's illegal.You know what they should do with that?You know what they did with Colorado with 39 % tax?Make mushrooms 100%.Tax it 100%.We'll still buy, um, people will still buy.

Make it legal, tax it 100%.You know how much fucking money they would generate?And I guarantee you, well, I was gonna say people wouldn't be doing more mushrooms, but they definitely would.But it'd be good for everybody.

Listen, the only thing that stalls people from mushrooms is the taste.Most people put it in the grinder, and then they put it in capsules, and they do it that way.All different things.

That should not be a hurdle in 2026.

When you told me you were going to get that property a couple years ago, which you didn't get, I thought you were going to grow mushrooms out there.Like, get somebody to set it up.Rogan's mushrooms Why I would never do your fucking recipe like no, it's that's that's not legal.

I would It's not legal in federally.That's the problem.I mean this is part of what Trump is trying to change with this psychedelics act So all that shit was made illegal in 1970 it was their Nixon administration the Controlled Substances Act if that hadn't happened in 1970 We would be living in a better world.Like legitimately, we would be living in a better world.You'd have way more people having access to this stuff, way more people that could get over whatever the fuck their hurdle is, whatever problem they have, whatever it is.It's not for everybody.

There's a lot of people that shouldn't do it.There's a lot of people that are schizophrenic and that they just need one mushroom trip and they're gone.They're never coming back.There's a lot of people that are hanging on.They're hanging on.And one edible mushroom.

One mushroom trip, one, one, one meeting with the devil and they never come back.That's true.But those people were already fucked.That's the problem.But for the rest of us, for the rest of the world, which is like most things, like some people eat a Brazil nut, they're dead, right?Some people eat peanuts and they're dead.

They have a deadly allergy to peanuts.I could eat peanuts all day long.

Can you look up how many people die every year from fucking peanuts?

It's quite a few.

Come on.

Yeah, it's quite a few.It's kind of shocking.Why?Well, here's the really crazy thing.A lot of people think it has to do with vaccines.They think, this is Brett Weinstein's proposal, is that when you take that vaccine, so there's aluminum in the vaccine that's an irritant, right, and this is what fires up your immune system, and then there's the dead virus, so your body develops these antibodies.

Look at that, one to four annually.

That's a lot of people.

Huh?

That's a lot of people.

No!

Four people?

Four, four whole people.

What about in the world?How many people die about, it's four in the world, because none of them die anywhere else.Food allergies in general are responsible for about a hundred deaths?

Yeah.This is all made up white people shit.

Well, there's just a void the peanuts, but there are people that if they get peanuts, they'll die Brett Weinstein thinks it has to do with eating peanuts right after you've been vaccinated and that's something I don't know if he's right but something about your body Reacting is the reason why your body creates this antibody to the dead back the dead virus.It's in the vaccine You know if you give someone whatever it is any you know figure out whatever the disease is.You have a dead virus and then you have this irritant.So the two of them together, your body reacts to this aluminum and it used to be, what is the other shit they don't put in it?There was mercury, ethylmercury and methylmercury, the two different types of mercury they've tried.to do that in vaccines, but there's problems with that too, obviously.

Mercury's toxic, so is aluminum.But he thinks that if you have aluminum from this vaccine and you're in contact with other things at the same time, you could develop an allergy for those things, whether it's wheat, gluten, whether it's animals, whatever it is.It's possible, he believes, to develop an allergy when you get vaccinated and he thinks that's with the rise in vaccines and the rise in food allergies he thinks those are connected.

Let me ask you this.

I don't know if he's right.

If you went to your great your grandfather in Newark he's an immigrant and came over and you told him you had a penile allergy how many times would he smack you in the fucking face?

Well he wasn't a violent man, he was a very kind man.

But still he'd go, yo what the fuck, peanuts?He would make fun of it.He would think it was ridiculous.I grew up on pine nuts every fucking day, two pine nuts.I was allergic to maple syrup.

Well the idea of being allergic to bread back then was preposterous.First of all, he would get bread like every two days.They would go down to the local Italian bakery and buy Italian bread.It's the only bread everybody ate in the house.It's so funny like I didn't even appreciate it back then like when I'd have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich I'd be like why they give it to me on this bullshit thick bread cuz you got to cut the bread Yeah, you know I'm like give me some fucking white bread like a real person.Well some wonder bread That's what I wanted when you're a kid you want wonder I love one peanut butter and jelly sandwich on a white like I'd get whole wheat I'd be like what is this horse shit?

I think you'd be in prison.

What is this terrible fucking shitty brand -filled wheat?With all the the fucking chunks of wheat that's in it fuck out of here with your whole wheat bread.I hated it now I love it now.It's the only like if I see like regular white bread away.

Let me ask you this that bread that your grandfathers get it Yeah, in Hoboken, in Newark.Newark, yeah.Two blocks away.They were old school Italian people.Yep.They made everything in the 70s and 60s with all the shit that's in now.

I remember the bags.Yeah, white paper bags.White paper bags.Yeah, and the fresh Italian bread.And the bread tasted great.

Oh, it was phenomenal.It was fucking great.

With a piece of butter.With pasta, when you dip it in the pasta sauce.Oh, and the red sauce.

You go fucking crazy.

Oh my God, so good.With butter, you put butter on that bread and you dip it in that pasta sauce.Holy shit.

Don't let it stop eating monks.Right.That's my favorite dish, mussels with spicy, with medium.Yeah, because you can eat a loaf of bread.

My body can't fucking do that no more.Especially with the red sauce.Oh, eat a loaf of bread.Oh, go through the whole loaf.

With the butter, with the olive oil, with the bread, you need all that shit.I said, I can't eat mussels no more.I love mussels.I go to Rudy's, I get some mussels, they're big, they look like a fucking chicken.six looks like a six -foot woman's clit they're that fucking big the muscles you think I'm kidding you these fucking clit muscles when I go to other restaurants you get those little muscles then you got a couple big ones no no no they give you nine big chick gorilla raised fucking pussy clits and they're huge and they put a little sauce on it so good makes me go fucking there was a time please

that I used to go to LA Thai food And they had mussels and big fucking spicy mussels.They were huge So good.

Oh, not the Thai place Eddie took me to the one next to the fucking tent planet on La Brea.Oh, yeah, I went in there with Eddie one night I already hate Thai food and he took long.I'll buy you lunch.I'm broke.

You don't like Thai food I went in there.

It was ants on the wall I'm like, what the fuck?But I like the one that you took your shoes off.They had the best shrimp pate in the country.

You took your shoes off?

Yeah, there's one on Sunset, right across from the comic book store.Toy.Oh, Toy Tide.Toy Tide, yeah.

Oh, that place is legit.

Solid place.Very good place.The best place ever was, what's the place next to the Laugh Factory?

Greenblatt's Deli?

Greenblatt's Deli.

Oh, that was a great joint.

Until I tell you this story.I'm in there with Ralphie May one day, and he gets a roast beef sandwich.And he's eating the roast beef, and I could see the ants on his arm.And he opens it up, and there's ants all over the sandwich.Listen to me.Call the waiter.

The waiter's still charging for half a sandwich.

It's hilarious.

He's like, I ain't paying shit.This motherfucker had ants on it.I didn't even eat the other one.The ants were on his fucking arm, Joe.

They weren't in the sandwich?They were on his arm?

They were in the sandwich, too.

Oh, so it was just all over the place.

They were all over the place.

Green Blats?

Green Blats, which I still eat at.I don't even think it's them.

What year was that?I only ate there a few times, which is weird because it was right next door to the Laugh Factory.It was good, too.I kind of stopped going to the Laugh Factory after a certain point.It was a certain point in like the 2000s where I'm like, I think I'm done with this place.And I was mostly at the store.

Yeah, I like the Laugh Factory.I like the improv.

I was like at the store.I love the improv still.I always did the improv still.But the Laugh Factory to me was like, there was something about it that was like sterile.There was something about it.Not a bad thing, but it was like very much like a laugh factory.

of people got TV deals out of The Laugh Factory.

That was the big thing about The Laugh Factory.

Different kind of comedy, you know.It was, the store was terrible.The dream you know the laugh factor was nice and everything, but it was also like remember Scott day He would discourage.We tried to discourage you from going to the laugh factor.He's like you're a comedy store comic Listen man. I gotta go up everywhere.I can't I'm developing I can't be just limiting myself to one after a while you like I develop better at the store Well this thing about the store to you got three totally different environments You got the belly room environment, which is like very intimate very small 70 people And then you got the OR, which is the gritty.

That's the psychopaths at 1130 on a fucking Tuesday night.And then you got the main room, which is the big show.There was so much opportunity.

I fucking always hated the main room till the last five years I was there.I just couldn't get the formula for it.But the original room, I knew it like everything.

The original room, you're locked into a living room.

You're locked into it.And then the piano and the whole fucking thing.

The main room was big.Big stage, big crowd, it was big ceiling, everything was big.It was different.It was a different kind of a show.

Remember the first time I showcased for Jamie, he's like, man, what are you doing here?You belong in Las Vegas, man, in a showroom.You're not an L .A.

comic.That's hilarious.Jamie always had the craziest ideas for people.

But he, at the end, he was a really good guy.At the end of the day, he really tried hard.

Well, he loved comedy.

Yeah, he loved comedy.All those people were very nice.You know, I just went to Nashville for the comedy festival.

Uh -huh.

I ended up doing the old Opry, you know, that theater there.What's the name of the theater?

Grand Ole Opry?

Yeah.And it was great, but the great thing about that, that everybody from the Improv was there last night.I saw people that were there for 25 years, and we just were dropping stories.Aaron, the guys.Hartman looks great he's a big peptide guy big everything guy he lives in Nashville Joel from Florida you know when you get to see those guys and you're like wow we've been in this shit together Like I told Aaron I met Aaron in Irvine Then she came to Hollywood and I was like psyched cuz she gave us an 11 o 'clock show and she was pregnant She was hot.She used to wear the farmer those things that overalls the overalls.

Oh She was so hot.I still tell her when I talk to I always talk Aaron you sexy savage.I always fucking tormented But it was really nice to see them Everything you know Hartman me told the story when I told him I was gonna bang his head off the wall You know just craziness that look at us now.We're all in there having a great time 20 years ago.We were always at war with one of you guys.We cursed too much You know we're talking about when I got fired with Pablo Yeah, and then he found out I wasn't doing coke and he felt really bad.

You know so it was a It's just great to see what we've been through together and now after everything you're like fuck I was there the fucking night Joe started.

I was in Miami.

I was in Miami 98 new years of 99 that's crazy and Madonna came in with Chris fucking rock To watch somebody New Year's Eve.I forget who the fuck it was, but yeah, that's you look at those baby Like we took the ride with kids.

We were fucking kids to get also you have to think like imagine having to employ you Imagine being a businessman, and you gotta employ you in 98.God bless him.

I'm not good.

God bless him.

Don't I remember the improv really liked me, and I fucked him over in like 2007.

Who was the guy, the original guy at Coconut Grove?The guy who liked to party?

I forget his name now.Rich Jeff.Give me a minute.

Yeah.

Give me a minute.

The original guy.

Yeah, crazy.He was fun.Crazy.Fun guy.Really fun.He's from Cleveland.

He lived in Cleveland.Liked to party.And his wife hit the lottery for a million.

People didn't realize how nutty Coconut Grove was.That was the nuttiest improv.That improv.We would go out afterwards and have Cuban coffee.and eat Cuban sandwiches at like two o 'clock in the morning.

We used to go to that newsstand.It was open till five and it closed for an hour.And you could drink till all night.So they closed from five to six.But whatever booze you had on the table, you could keep.So you would say, give me like eight beers.

And then they would open up again at six and you're right there.

It closed for one hour at five in the morning.

I remember one night you were on Conan O 'Brien.This is 97, right?No.You did somebody's late show.Okay.It was the week that our friend got shot.

Oh, the Hartman thing?Hartman thing.

You can't believe I remember.See, I'm just telling you that I don't know shit.Look up the dates.When Hartman got shot, you were on that show, like, you were with me all weekend, and I stayed, and then you went to New York to shoot that, and then that weekend, Hartman, you know.But I'll never forget, I was involved in the threesome.when you were on that talk show.

It's a chubby chick and a hot chick, and we're snorting coke, and I'm trying to eat ass, and I'm looking at you.I go, pull on NBC so I can watch the show.And I'm watching you as I'm trying to tackle these two animals, and I'm like, who the fuck is going to believe this?Chubby chick got up.She's like, you didn't want to be with me anyway.You always wanted the hot chick and slammed the door.

It was a full night.It was a full night.

Cocaine.Down.

But all that shit, you see these people now, and you're like, bro,We all went through it together Yeah, we all went through it together.What a great fucking thing to have at this time in your life that we all We're all here.You know fucking really nice man.It makes you Go wow this comedy life was worth every fucking penny.

I got into it It's a fun ride when you look back And you think like imagine when you're first starting out imagine that it would turn out this way you never imagined it And then you look back at what a fun ride What an extraordinarily fun life.

I'll never forget.You had it pinned down from the beginning.I never even told you this.One of my friends, I got to L .A.like January of 97, and that summer, like August.

Nope.No, that's Cleveland Improv.I know it's the one in Miami, too.

Oh, no, it was the manager.

Oh.No worries, though.Thank you, though.What were we talking about?Something pinned down, manager.

Who the fuck knows?

We were talking about, oh, never imagining.They're looking back on this life like when you first started.

Oh never imagine turn out this way You said something about me once that was right like I wasn't on the podcast, but you were talking to somebody You know I remember when that guy first came on the scene.He was scary.He had a leather jacket and all this shit He was buck wild You know, I just get to LA and I do a couple spots.The guys that my first talent coordinator at the improv said to me, hey, would you like to work Irvine?And I go, yeah.He goes, I got an emcee spot.

Go do it next week.My first time.I go down there and I had a crazy girlfriend then with all the teeth.Oh, yeah.And this motherfucking head chef comes up to me and her and he goes, hey, she's got the same mouth as Gina Davis, the nice cocksucker mouth.That was my first weekend ever.

And at first, I took it kind of weird.And then after the show, I went up to him, and I go, hey, man.What the fuck do you think you are saying something like that?He goes, what are you doing?If you go at me, you'll never work an improv again.I just kicked him in the fucking stomach as hard as I could.

They called me the next day.Joey, come on, man. I kicked him.The guy fell apart.All of a sudden, he wasn't a tough guy no more.I was just so pissed.How can you say that to somebody's fucking girlfriend, to her face?

I just fucking front kicked him.And I hit him somewhere in the stomach.He was holding on.I'm calling Hartman.Call fucking Hartman.I don't give a fuck.

I remember getting in the car going, Joey, you can't let the old Joey get in the way, man.This is not good.You should have just walked away.But no.Why would I walk away?Fuck that shit.

That was the problem.A lot of people would walk away from that shit, and you just lost.You just became a Hollywood asshole.When you say fuck you, they'll respect you fucking more a year later.And they did.They ended up giving me more work, so.

Was that guy still there when you went back?

No.He was like a cute cook that thought he was cute.Like Orange County, he wasn't going to get smacked.I don't give a fuck who you are.Fucking kick that motherfucker.I didn't give a fuck Jack I was so buck wild at the store in the beginning when I hit the kid in the head with the microphone And then they came and got me in La Jolla And I took the pool keep the pool remember they had that pool table in La Jolla the bumper They had a bumper pool table in La Jolla right so these guys kept threatening me that they were gonna come game, so I got I became fucking Chuck Norris and caught his silence.

I took all the pool balls and I put them in different places so I had to throw them at him as a weapon.Then I hit all the fucking pool cues.You ever see Caught in Silence?That's when Seagal stole it from him in that fucking Bobby Lupo movie.But that was Chuck Norris when he would fill a bag with pool cues and hit you in the head with it and shit in the pool hall with the Colombians.Dog, and that motherfucker, I saw them.

I was sitting outside the car window.Jolla store.Remember they had that little bench facing the Chinese restaurant?You don't even remember La Jolla no more.And I saw them at the light.And they made the turn.

And I took one of those balls, and I kept it right here.And they pulled up and took water pistols out.And I fucking took that ball and threw it with everything I had.And it hit that car.And all of a sudden, the fucking car went whoosh, whoosh, whoosh, whoosh, whoosh.

Boom, these motherfuckers took off Jack code of silence I remember this because this was like the first like real movie movie that like got respected by it wasn't just a karate movie It was a movie that was about like an undercover cop movie, right?Yeah against the Columbia, but it was the the fighting part was just part of it and But this wasn't that it was, you know, it was just a karate movie.Like most of his other movies were just karate movies or, you know, they were kind of campy, like missing in action.It was a lot of it based on the karate.This was, oh, we got hit by the pool ball.Oh, they jump them.

It's a terrible movie.

I thought it was the shit back then.

So when you watch it now, you're like, this is the corniest fight scene of all time.These guys would overwhelm him.

Listen, man, good men wear black.Chuck Norris had a couple movies where he showed his shit.This was not one of them.Walker, Sheriff Marshall was not one of them, okay?With the wig doing push -ups still on Channel 89.That wasn't him.

I love Chuck Norris, but Chuck Norris made some good movies early on that were dark.That's why nobody talks about good men wearing black.What's the other one?The Octagon?

Oh, yeah.

You forget about all those.

Oh, yeah.Is this good guys wear black?1978.Wow.How many fucking people did this guy get into martial arts?Like how many people?

of Chuck Norris movies wind up doing martial arts?A fucking shitload.

I got into Tang Soo Do because of him.Because he was one of the first Tang Soo Do guys and he split.He made his own thing or whatever the fuck.

It's kind of amazing when you think about how many karate guys didn't make it.Like how many guys Didn't become karate movie stars and Chuck Norris did like how many of them were there?How many karate guys wanted to be movie stars and couldn't figure it out?

And he did so I saw every martial arts film made in the 70s even with the black Exploitation the movie was called three the hard way Jim Brown Jim Kelly and other really good black look about Jim Kelly Kelly was trying to break into that thing a lot of guys movies, and then after Bruce Lee died the whole thing opened up Yeah, jet lied jet loose lie Bruce lie.You had all these fucking Bruce's and that just that that was the end of it, but I was Notorious I want to see all those fucking movies growing up Billy Jack You don't remember Billy?

I remember Billy Jack.

The Indian?

Oh yeah, I remember.I remember the black hat.

I remember the whole deal.I'm gonna put this foot on the side of your face.On that side of your face, all that shit.That's not a damn thing you can go about.David had a white Mormon dude be a martial artist.Everybody, Chinese, black, everybody played fucking kung fu.