Judge Rules White Girl Will Be Tried Black Adult

Due to the extreme and violent nature of this crime, this court finds it fitting to try the defendant as an African American. Henceforth, you will be referred to for the jury by the name Bondell Brown.

Once the trial begins next week, all courtroom images of Hannah will depict her as a 300-pound muscular black man, and jury members will be instructed to imagine her as such. We're going to do our best to make sure that Hannah is treated with the sympathy and sensitivity

that she as a photogenic white girl deserves.

This is America. Nobody deserves to be treated as a black man.

Now that Hannah has been ruled black, the court has instructed local media to assume she's guilty, and the police have retroactively charged her with assaulting her arresting she's guilty, and the police have retroactively charged her with assaulting her arresting officer.