my last day

All right, let's get this thing ready.

Of course, Ando's first.

Okay.

My God, I haven't turned on just members yet and someone just said, hey, Chubby.

I'm dead

Okay

I'm about to change it. I'm about to change it. Don't worry We good I did it? Okay. Alrighty! Hello, hello! How are you guys? Turn that shit to live chat, don't forget, because it's always on top chat for some reason. Everett, hello! Oh my god, Corky. I know what your name is, like I'm not dumb, but

do you like how I call you Corky? Like the cellular nickname. I mean, your username does say Corky Love, but like, never mind.

Hi, Allie.

Josephine. Okay. Alasdair, that is ominous. Hi, Allie. Josephine. Okay. Alas, hey, that is ominous. I, okay, I'm not gonna lie, I have the literal hardest time coming up with titles.

Like, genuinely. Loving the plum color? Thank you. I don't know what that was. First time live watcher, how was your week? My week's been really good and thank you for the super chat. Okay, I'm not gonna lie.

I was gonna wear... Remember when I said the sympathy bone comment and i was wearing my um

my solely costume listen i was gonna wear that because i ain't got my sympathy bone today

did you i'm sorry this is newly on my mind because holy shit i, Yo Mama has like disappeared because he's over on like the lolcow bullshit. So he's barely on his Yo Mama channel and he went there today, right? And he talked about the narcoleur. And I'm telling you, I knew none of this. My jaw is on the floor type deal. Do you guys know about it?

Do you even care?

Not the boob shimmy on Maine. What does that mean?

Yeah. Wait, why is my chat glitching? My makeup is bomb today, thank you. Yeah, sometimes I can experiment. Can you tell us about the dance team Space? So the dance team wasn't called Space, it was actually the company.

It was in Upper Lake California, around there, cuz my group home was actually in Upper Lake California, which was a very small town. And I know it was in Lake County somewhere, but yeah, it was just like hip hop dance. We would put on shows in front of large audiences. And yeah, Anna says, Tammy coming on soon.

So the situation be a little like this. First I wanna say, I wanna start off the boring part because for me it's not boring but for you guys you're going to be like, okay I'm so bored why are you reading this? Okay, so someone messaged me on the good old, what's it called?

Instagram.

You sound much better. Yeah, Okay. So someone messaged me on Instagram, right? And I want to read it to you guys.

Where is it?

Okay. I'm trying to find it. Is this one it? Yes. Okay.

Obviously I'm not going to say the username.

Okay.

Okay.

So I'm going to read it.

Okay.

So I'm going to read it. Okay. Obviously I'm not going to say the username. Okay. Enticing lawsuits! Hello, hello! Welcome to Stream Queens Mini! Hello, hello! Um. Okay, so this person said this, right, on Wednesday. Hey, you said you've been getting a lot of these messages, but I've been thinking about the situation almost nonstop and wanted to chime in.

You're 100% right, this situation is insane.

Like others have said, I always haven't been on your side, but You're 100% right, this situation is insane.

Like others have said, I always haven't been on your side, but I've been watching you for nine years.

That's a long time.

So I've seen you lie and then admitted it afterwards. And this is clearly not one of those cases. Anyone not taking your side in this is blind. Anyone who believes that this is okay for an aunt to be talking about her niece to a hate- based reaction channel is mentally unwell, as she is. Her story isn't even making sense and the fact that you can call her out on the lies

before she even makes them up is proof that obviously this is a pattern for her. Sorry, I'm not reading any of the comments or anything until I'm done with this. She reminds me of a scorned ex who's trying to talk their ex-partner like it's weird as

fuck.

Oh wait, they're trying to talk bad about their ex-partner like it's weird as fuck. Oh wait, they're trying to talk bad about their ex-partner. It's weird as fuck. I feel so bad that this is happening to you and I can't help but feel like she timed it to line up with the whole Tommy drama. Eww. So I think it's so telling that Tammy couldn't even get on board with the conspiracy that you let Rarity out. The fact that Jordi brought it up and your aunt clearly hesitated and started stuttering, like she couldn't even

bring herself to accuse you because though even though she was throwing every other accusation in the book at you, she still knew that one was far too fetched. That said a lot to me. I also have BPD and see PTSD and I have done some wacko nasty shit in my past because of it and I would never ever ever hurt my animals. People though? Unfortunately sure. My pets?

Never.

Which so I understand your position here and how BPD plays into this situation. Crazy how people point out all of the symptoms of your BPD that you have and then they turn around and deny that you have it. There's absolutely no nuance to these people and it drives me nuts. I'm sure it does you. But they're all probably 15 years old with an IQ of a 75 and an under

developed frontal lobe sorry for the wall of text I'm a yapper so I replied and in capital letters I was like can I please read this out loud in my next live stream I will keep your name private and everything private I just literally love everything that you were saying and appreciate it so much So then she replied

Okay

Then she replied. Hell yeah, dude go for it Hopefully it'll get through some people's thick skull because I know a lot of them hate you literally just for the fun of it And it's unfair Good luck with all that shit. I just know Tammy is sitting at home with her. Sorry, this part was kind of, so I'm gonna skip that part. And then they also said, also, since this is the only time I'd get to project my

thoughts to your followers, I'd like to say something. However, if you wanna leave it to my last message, that's totally fine. Some people could hear this though. Okay. I fully believe that you are a good person who does bad things. I think many people watching now can look into their hearts and see the same within themselves.

It is so important to have nuance when scrutinizing the actions of somebody with a personality disorder. It literally impacts your day-to-day decision-making because it impacts your personality. BPD is caused by severe child harm and neglect. Giving somebody with a past like yours a huge platform, displaying your addictions and flaws to the world, then expecting you to act totally, completely normal is unempathetic.

Everyone who watched you just to criticize, completely aware of your illness, are ill themselves and needs to take a long hard look in the mirror, log off the internet and be a better person. And I was like, you know what? I appreciate this person, like genuinely I do. And then, so I just was like, I have to read that.

I've been getting a lot of support lately, but that was just like, wow, you couldn't have worded it better. So, all right, we'll continue on with this little story time here, but I'm gonna read some of your guys' stuff, okay? Because I am behind. Can you say hi to Chico?

Hello, Chico. How are you? How are you?

Thank you for the super chat.

Hey, Queen, this is Calla again. Happy to see you doing a bit better since last time. Thank you, Frank. Thank you for the super chat. Girl, drop the link for joining. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I would definitely do that. You look like you just had good sex.

Okay, Peter.

Thanks.

I don't know what that's talking about.

Are you intoxicated right now? You're slurring your words. Eyes rolling and acting strange. I found soap some Delta, not gonna lie about it. I was gonna talk about that in a vlog but I have no reason to hide it. Okay all right cuz before my live streams I go outside I walk Twinkie so when I was out there I

said fuck it. Yesterday I bought some Delta and yeah I bought like a lower type of grade type deal so it's not as strong. Okay, all right I'm gonna put the link and then I'm gonna pin it. Sounds like you put the scenario to chat GBT. No, I did not. That was a message, but thank you for the super chat. All righty, a message. Okay, that's how you can join.

My God, not Helen good, please help Delta. Yeah, for medicinal use, but I don't have that. So I'd have to go through all that to get that. Let's see. Delta 8 is legal, actually's see. Delta 8 is legal actually. Yeah. They sell it everywhere here. It's completely allowed. I got a THC drink I might join you. Oh my god, Corky,

will you go live when I'm off of here? Yeah, it's legal. It's cheap, recreational. And it's obviously helping with my diet, me feeling overwhelmed in this fucking live stream. I mean, that's why a lot of people smoke it. To me, marijuana or like Delta, like to me, that's not a drug you know that's like yeah common sense for real where's the vlogs so I started one so we're gonna be

getting those um can someone tell me how to join not on the PC okay so yeah Morgan I can get a card but I have to get the whole thing I have to get an Oklahoma ID first because I still have my Kentucky ID. And in my brain, I'm like, I didn't know if I was gonna truly be here for a long time, but I'm at this point where Oklahoma's it. This feels like home for me.

I really love being around my mom. So I have to get the ID first, and then it's a whole moment. So how to join not on a PC. So whatever type of phone you have, I think you have to go through the internet app.

So, Why live stream two days in a row?

Why won't you spread it out? So I wanted to spread out my videos. I prefer spreading out videos.

It helps with the algorithm. I wanted to spread out my videos. I prefer spreading out videos.

It helps with the algorithm. So the only way that I could do that without also having a live stream and a vlog back to back is I had to live stream two days in a row. And I love live streaming on Sunday because it's like the end of a week, this and that.

So I was like, I know the end of a week this and that so like I like the thought of that and then I like the thought of like getting my this is gonna sound bad but I like the thought of like getting my live streams like over with if you will so having them back-to-back to it was also really nice gives me time to work on my vlog, start the week or whatever video that I have. So back to what I was saying.

So I wanna say when people like were seeing how I was reacting to my aunt, like that's frustrating for me to hear like, this is the real Amberlynn. Because it's like, bro, what you're seeing is me split. It's called splitting. When you literally

turn into someone that you're not like you're so hurt by someone like when you have bpd you're so fucking hurt by someone that you genuinely you're so overwhelmed with emotion like you cannot regulate those so that is what you're witnessing. So it's hard because 99% of the time you guys are witnessing me as like pretty chill, just chilling. And I only ever come out as a bitch or come out angry is when it's demonstrated to me first, if that makes sense.

That doesn't mean, we saw Amberlynn's true colors or this is the real Amberlynn, it's not fair. BPD is an actual observable, observable? I hate that word. You can actually observe BPD in your brain. It's like an actual brain deformity. So when people sit there and they're like,

she can control these things, genuinely sometimes I can't. And what my aunt was doing was, was not only triggering and wrong and hurtful, like it shattered me. And I could not regulate those

emotions and a lot of people messaged me and said, girl, I don't even have BPD, I don't even have these things and I would have been more pissed than you. I would have aired out, because literally in my live stream I'd be like, well I know things but I'm not going to sit here and say them. People would message me and be like, I would have, I would have like popped off. So it's like, I'm trying my hardest over here. And it was just triggering for more reasons than one.

Like she would bring up so many things that happened in my childhood, which was triggering. Then she would bring up things that happened between me and her, which was also triggering. And she acts like in the whole span of the time that I've known her since 17, that she was always the person that indicated a break in our chat. Literally, no. I saw the pattern with my aunt and the way that she was and how,

just like she made me feel insane a lot of the time. She made me question my reality a lot of the time. She made me feel like I was walking on eggshells and that is the roughest. And so I also didn't enjoy that pattern. So I would also be like, I need a space from her. So I would stop talking to her.

I wouldn't call her. I wouldn't, nothing because like, she's just a hard woman to get along with. And it was just very triggering and it was just like a lot of the things that she was doing was hurtful and it just was like genuinely a lot for me. So I demonstrated that. That doesn't mean that was the real Amberlynn or I was showing my true colors. That was me reacting as a human who was absolutely triggered. A human who could not regulate their

emotions. A human that was being betrayed, a human who could not regulate their emotions, a human that was being betrayed by her aunt. That is what you guys experienced and what you guys saw me go through. And another thing that has been frustrating with this whole thing has been when people sit here and I'm responding to my aunt, and in return... I know it's a lot of trolls.

It's people who just disregard anything I feel or say. I get go to therapy, go to therapy, go to therapy, when literally all I'm doing is just responding to things that my aunt has brought up and I'm demonstrating that I'm heartbroken about it, demonstrating that I'm angry, you know?

And a lot of people are like, go to therapy, go to therapy, go to therapy, go to therapy, while like literally sucking the tit on my aunt, ew. Like literally kissing her ass, like ew. When it should be genuinely, a lot of people telling her to go to therapy.

Because who in their right mind, I didn't even realize she was in her 50s, like this makes it even worse. Who in their right minds, in their right maturity, in like a level-headed sense of the way, what kind of aunt, what kind of family member, what kind of sound mind, what kind of good person

would be upset with their niece or upset with their sister and go to a reaction channel to do all of that. Knowing the type of retaliation that would head my way, no matter what she said, no matter if what she was saying was true or false, that woman needs to go to therapy, not me. I mean, I need to go to therapy for my own reasons. But in this situation alone, what has happened was,

she should be the one getting all those comments like, go to therapy, go to therapy, go to therapy. Not me when I'm literally simply just responding to what my aunt is doing. She started the war and I'm just fighting back. I'm trying to protect myself, protect my innocence in this all, share my side, etc.

But genuinely, it has become exhausting for me. I have been on Zoloft for a while now, long enough for me to genuinely feel amazing effects from it.

Oh baby!

Oh, Romeo's playing. It has helped regulate my emotions because like seriously, I'm constant fight or flight mode. And it's exhausting. My nervous system is just constantly sharp and just like so paranoid and uneasy.

And like, I have anxieties about the stupidest shit. And like, I have anxious attachment, which is like the worst, like genuinely. My BPD symptoms, my this and my that, like Zoloft has been able to calm a lot of those things, like hardcore. Like, oh, my depression is better.

Like I don't have suicidal thoughts. Like I used to have them all the fucking time. It has just drastically helped me. And I used to cry every day, nine million times a day, so many things that I don't even talk about. It doesn't matter.

Zoloft has improved all that, and I have felt so much better. And if you aren't a member, and if you weren't a part of that, you're not gonna be able to see that. Where in the last few members only live stream that I did, like you can see the improvement. And it was so much improved that a rumor was starting that I was in a new relationship because I seemed so happy.

Long story short, you guys didn't know, but I was still with Tommy. And I'd been with Tommy from the jump. So it wasn't a new relationship, it was a new medicine. I was genuinely improving. And then here comes my aunt, after the whole Tommy thing, here comes my aunt and I'm destroyed. My mental health went down the shitter all over again because of this woman, this woman who's supposed to be my aunt.

And I have felt myself backtracking. I've started to have anxiety again. I've had some anxiety attacks. I've hyperventilated again. I have been crying more. I have been not able to regulate my emotions more.

Like genuinely my aunt has made me backtrack in my mental health. And I'm like, how can I fix that? Like what do I need to like, what do I need to do? And my immediate, my immediate reaction was my fight or flight, like in the beginning was fight.

You guys saw it yourself. My immediate, I felt, I literally felt it in my body. I'm like, okay, so it's fight, flight, freeze or fawn, right?

I immediately felt my body start I'm like, okay, so it's fight, fight, freeze, or fawn, right? I immediately

felt my body start to fawn. And I was telling myself, oh my god, I'm just like, no matter what she says, if it's a lie, if it's a load of shit, I'm just going to nod my head. I'm just going to agree. I'm just, I don't know if I could do these reactions anymore. I'm just gonna let it be what it can be because it's so triggering. It's so hard to sit there and like fight for myself, especially in front of a bunch of people who hate me. Like it is a lot. So I'm in a spot where I'm like,

that's kind of fucking insane for my aunt to want to finally talk to me about this, but only publicly. Nah, none of this should have been public. I said square up in my last live stream because I was irate. My blood was boiling. I was heartbroken. I was in the fight of the fight or flight, freeze or fawn. I was actively not able to regulate my emotions. And it's like after I've had some time to breathe, after the triggers have

been so extreme, after I have realized, like, whoa, my mental health is actually getting bad again because of the situation, I'm deciding to step away from the situation. Will I... If my aunt decides to go on Jordi's thing again, will I maybe say some things about it? Sure, I'm only human.

Hey, baby.

I'm only human, but am I gonna sit here and call her cunt, call her bitch, say square up? Am I gonna be raging? No, I'm not. No, I'm not. Because I need to choose my sanity first, and that is not only within my aunt, but that is other people in my life.

I am the type of person that if I'm in an argument with somebody, like especially someone I'm in a relationship with, I'm like, I need to figure this out now. And then I start freaking out if they don't want to do it. It's like abandonment issue, anxiety issues, like anxious attachment issues. But it's like with those aloft and it actually working,

I don't have that like extreme feeling anymore

to live stream. working I don't have that like extreme feeling anymore.

To livestream. My aunt said, stop calling me. Like it's ruining my live stream. Yeah, it's just weird energy that she's literally sitting there watching my livestream calling me and I'm telling her to stop calling me and she won't stop calling me.

Like...

Sugar Glider, I would have to, if I answer her call, I would have to get off of the live

stream.

Hold on a second.

Shit.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Oh, shit.

Oh, by the way, about, um, I, this is my last day of food freedom. I talk about it more in videos, don't worry.

That's what I meant. Okay.

I'm trying to figure something out. I'm like really confused.

Um...

Sigh.

Where the fuck? I am in confusion.

Nope. Wrong button.

Sorry guys. Okay. Are you serious? You guys, I am trying to make this work over here. Okay, I guess that's not gonna work. Um... Oh my god, Gabby! She's having a panic attack? No, I'm not.

I was gonna call her, actually, through my... Here, maybe this will work. FaceTime audio. I don't know if you guys will be able to hear her. I don't know if you guys will be able to hear her. I don't even know if I'll be able to hear her.

Hello?

Hello? I don't even know if I'll be able to hear her. Okay, I hear myself through your audio, so can you like pause me?

Yeah, I just did.

Okay. So you're clearly watching my live stream and I said, I don't feel like doing this anymore. So why are you calling?

Because you can't run my name and multiple family members in the dirt for decades and think you're just gonna walk away that easy. I'm finally done. I'm finally ready. I got the receipts. I got the proof. I'm finally ready. I got the receipt. I got the proof.

I'm not afraid of you Amber, unlike all your other victims. I thought I had seen and heard everything that you've done over these years. But I was so blind. Blind by your manipulation. And when I've seen half of the videos that I've seen with documented proof of how you treat people, not only in our family, but people in general, you are one vile, disgusting human being. And I want nothing to do with you ever again, including your mother.

Your mother, your whole family, your whole Reed family is nothing but vile, disgusting degenerates that rape, manipulate, and abuse physically, mentally, spiritually, you name it, you guys do it and you do it proud. But I see it so clear now that I don't want nothing to do with you, but do you think you're gonna continue to lie about me and the family members that I do care about and get away with it? No No you're not. I will continue to tell the truth. The difference between me and you is I have the truth to tell and I have the receipt to back it up. So you

want to know why I'm listening to your live right now? The reason is just to see what bullshit you're gonna say next and sure sure enough, it didn't take long. You try to say that you cut off talking to me? I've been looking over text for the last days. And I have so much proof, time and time again, where you're begging me to talk to you again. Where I've blocked you. I quit watching your videos.

You kept begging me, please watch, please watch. I don't want to lose you, Auntie. All the lies you told me that I caught you on, called you on, you'd apologize, and then do it again and again and again and again. So that's just the tip of the iceberg.

What do you want to respond to that?

What did I do in the last two years to you?

In the last two years, okay, let me see if I can explain this.

It's not an easy black or white answer or an answer that you can get in two seconds, because like I keep saying I've been doing this your whole entire life. So, seconds because like I keep saying I've been doing this your whole entire life. So you have a person that has fought to be in your life your whole entire life in one way or the other no matter if you've seen it or not and you didn't meet me at 17 you met me when you were 14 when I went to California for the first time after 16 years remember you getting the pot of spaghetti out of the refrigerator and using the really huge utensil,

taking big scoops out of the pot onto your plate where your fucking dad said, I think that's enough, Amber. That's my first memory of you. And you still continue to pile on your plate. Yeah, that story goes around our family

year after year after year. So anyway, that's the first time I met your ass and then from then I tried getting you through the foster care because you painted the story. It was so so bad and then you even put me down for it that time your mom came in the picture destroyed that so then you went on to my mom's house. We all know what happened

with that you got kicked out for what? Being disrespectful. Surprise, right? So then you go on to Casey, and then Crystal, and then Destiny, and then Becky. The whole time, I'm in the background loving you, supporting you, encouraging you, sharing every bit of my diet with you,

exercise, financial, telling you things and yes I have all the proof. I'm not trying to be your mother. I'm trying to be your person. There's other texts I have where I say I'm saying this because that's what a mother would do. So we continue going down this long as you know all this time right and then we get up to the current last two years. Who is the happiest person in this world for Amber to move to Oklahoma City?

It was me, your aunt. Your mom didn't want you to come. She was very nervous about you coming because of the destruction and stress level that you bring with your just presence. That's the truth. I, against my whole entire family, would say things like, I know you guys are worried, but I'm so excited. We have texts showing that excitement for when you're going to get here. We're going to hang out. We can't wait. We can't wait.

I wanted to diet with you. I wanted to exercise with you. I was so excited because as you love to point out, I was very successful on keto. Pandemic happened, other things happened. I started putting back on my weight over stress and I've been trying to get back on track,

which I am again currently. So I thought this is gonna be great for the both of us. You get here, I see you one time, I try to see you and I'm told I can only see you with your mother. I question you about it. You say, oh, I was just nervous.

I haven't seen my family in 14 years and blah, blah, blah. Okay. Then you didn't reach out to me after that ever. Not once to come over, pick you up, go do anything, do anything, say anything. There was nothing, so I wait. November, you reach out to me

because you want something, a vape. December, you reach out to me, you want something, a vape. You checked in when I had COVID, you said Merry Christmas, I had COVID, I answered you the very next day, happy late Christmas, then nothing in January,

and then you send me a picture in February. So you wanna know why I'm mad? Because I fought for you for freaking years, and then when you finally get here, I'm left. I'm left in the cold. You and sister are going to museums and here and there,

and I'm told I can't see you without my sister. So yeah, that pissed me off, and so I did quit trying. I mean, how much more reality did I need in my face? You're here now, and you still have nothing to do with me. So you want to bring up me and your mom's fight, right? As the reason.

No, me and your mom's fight is not the reason we don't talk. You are the reason we don't talk. You are in your 30s. You can use a phone, you can text, you can make arrangements to spend time with your aunt, and you chose not to. Because me and your mom were in a disagreement.

And if you want to get down to the nitty-gritty of the disagreement, we can do that, but it's pretty freaking messy. Not sure if you're ready for that one. Any other questions?

Um, well, I want to respond to the fact that, like, yeah, it is true. I was feeling anxious to see my family again. And my mom is... I don't know, when I'm around her, like, she... she's that, like, calmness that I need.

And it's like, I know it's like sad to say, but like I felt that in all my relationships. I've always been in a relationship and this was the first time like I was finally single and I didn't know how to be without someone right by my side. And so my mom was that for me. It had nothing to do with you. It had nothing to do with you. It had nothing to do.

It just, it felt easier for me to be around family that I have not seen in 14 years if my mom was there. That was an anxiety thing. It was a coping thing. It is what it is.

So I'm sorry.

So whose fault is it, Amber? Is it your fault or is it my fault that we haven't seen each other? Because the narrative that you're telling is different.

So put it out there.

Whose fault is it, Amber?

Yours.

Yours.

So since I've been here, every time I have seen you has been with my mom because my mom was putting her pride aside. She was putting her hurt aside. She was putting her hurt aside. She was putting all that aside and huh?

Go ahead. I don't mean to interrupt you.

And she was putting all that aside for me. And that was something that she was willing to continue doing until I felt comfortable. Yeah. And I did after, um, what's it called after Thanksgiving I did. And that's why, when I hugged you goodbye's it called? After Thanksgiving, I did. And that's why when I hugged you goodbye, the last thing I said, I can't wait until you come over.

I can't wait. I even said it to, I don't wanna say your daughter's name. I don't wanna bring anyone's name.

You can say any of our names. We have nothing to hide.

Okay, but I also said it to Ashley. And I was like, I can't wait for you to come over because I genuinely enjoyed my time on Thanksgiving. That's why I'm so taken aback by this whole situation.

So.

And after Thanksgiving, I heard that my sister talked a whole bunch of shit about Thanksgiving over at my house. Once again, opening up my home to you guys, putting everything on at my cost, my, you know, joy to have my family in my home.

And at the end of the day, when I thought it was a wonderful day as well, guess what I got to hear? How y'all talk shit. I don't even know what the shit was. It was supposed to be so vile

that it couldn't even be repeated.

I didn't say anything bad about the time at your home. I genuinely enjoyed my time there. Um, and then like, I wasn't invited to anything Christmas related, which honestly hurt a lot. I, I literally bawled my eyes out. Like it

hurt a lot. Okay. Again, I don't want to interrupt you, but when there's no contact from October, November into December, with the exception of wanting a vape, why would I invite you and my sister to Christmas?

In December, I talked to you three times.

One of them-

What three times, Amber? One of them did involve a vape. The other two times was to check in on you regarding your health, because you were sick. And every time we did communicate was because of me. You never messaged me.

May I have a reason for why is it always me that has to message first then?

It's not always you. It's absolutely not. And I have the receipts to prove that. Unless you're talking about only between October

and February.

That is correct.

When you got here and I see the true colors, then I was never going to be your person in any way, shape, or form because you would have reached out. I heard through my mom how you'd cry and boo-hoo at her house going, well, I don't understand why I can't talk to my aunt. Why can't I talk to my aunt?

That is correct.

Is that true?

That is correct.

I would-

And what were you told? Were you told you couldn't talk to me?

I would cry because it hurt because it's like,

I did-

Were you told you couldn't talk to me? Did anyone say, Amber, don't talk to your aunt, don't call her, don't text her?

So...

Sorry, I was reading the chat because it's distracting me. Mm-hmm.

Um...

I read between the lines.

I'll ask again, did anyone tell you at that point when you were boohooing several times about not talking to me,

did my mom or my sister tell you you can't talk to me? So I wasn't boohooing. Yeah you were. I was crying. Um can you not mock me please? You make it hard. I was crying because I was hurt by the situation because I was slowly reading between the lines that you wanted no communication with me because I was always the one to message you first and your responses were very dry you didn't seem like you wanted to communicate you would never text me first so that is finally when I was like, reading between the lines of like,

okay, this woman wants something to do with me because you didn't even invite me over for Christmas. I didn't know that I had to talk to you every single day. I didn't know. I mean, that's how I'm feeling because-

You truly are a piece of work. I tell you what, your manipulation is just, like it used to work. It used of work. I tell you what, your manipulation is just, like it used to work. It used to work. It used to catch me. It used to slow me down

and give you the benefit of the doubt. But I just see it too clearly now. And I don't even know if I wanna entertain you anymore because you just, you can't own anything. And as again, I mean, we're talking decades of texts here. You know, I'll watch a video

and something will be brought up and I'll be like,

what the heck?

All I have to do is go to my messages and put in simple words, simple words that were talked about. And then our conversations come up word for word.

Yeah.

You have abused me, Amber. You have manipulated me, Amber, for a long time because of the love I had for my sister and for you. And you used that and you manipulated me to be the person when I would never be your person. But you led me to believe that for a long time. We can talk about all the different topics, being your mom in prison, you writing her, all that. That's long text threads of the bullshit you came up with for that. You know, did you owe your mom anything?

No, but you said you wanted it. The text started with you asking, not me going you need to, you wanted it and I was the in-between person helping you. Without me, you would not be in your mom's life today. Without me, my sister would not be in my mom's life today. I have always been forced to

be the in-between person. Correct?

Um, I don't know.

You don't know. You don't know.

Holy shit.

Um, I just, I know I've made...

What about your uncle raping me? How about that for a family drama, huh? And then you go on and be a victim to others? Like, that's just weird to me. When it's such a tip such a hot spot in our family and you put that word around like it's light as hell, right?

You used the wrong word, right? When you accuse somebody, an innocent person who at the time was young as shit, you accuse them of something that they did not do. Thank God they had, he had a voice to speak up. I had a voice to stick up over your uncle raping me,

to you, to my sister, to your dad, who made you guys live with the man. Did I ever get, I'm sorry that happened to you? No, I was expected to keep taking it, keep taking it, keep taking it. I used to use the excuse my sister had to take it because your dad would beat her up when she tried to

stand up to me over it right? So instead of giving the support of my family I had to stay shut up about it so my sister didn't get beat. Okay, that's some pretty bad shit, right? But tell me why when we just went to California, your mom had to go see your dad, had to go see him in person.

I refused. She left me in a car so she could go in and see your dad, the man that is behind so much of this, including my chapters. The man I despise more than anything on the face of this earth. And your mom, in sobriety, in recovery, chose to go see that man eye to eye.

You don't think that hurt me? But I kept taking it, right? And I kept being a sister. So you're not the only one with damage, Amber. The difference is I don't let it be an excuse. I've had some horrible things happen to me, too,

all while trying to help you and your mom for decades. And you know what happened during that time when I was so focused on you and your mom and your fucked up family and everything that comes with it? Guess what? It made me sick. It stressed me out. It made me weak. It made me not take care of my own kids to the best of my ability. Because you can't focus this long and this hard on other people and not have it take away from your life. You have, your dad has, your mom has, and you all play fucking victim and I'm done.

Anything else you want to talk about?

Um, regarding like the way I was, like when I was a teenager in my 20s, like, yeah, like I have been very transparent, like I wasn't a great girlfriend. No, I wasn't. I probably wasn't a great niece. I wasn't a great. I probably wasn't a great niece. I wasn't a great anything like I was broken. I still am. But the difference now is like,

I try very hard to take accountability where I can. And I like, especially when Beck was going, saying all those things, like I admitted to things that I would never want to admit to out loud. Are you kidding? But one thing I will stand by is everything I said about Casey is 100% true.

I wish I could believe you, but I can't based on everything.

I don't, I genuinely don't believe you. I genuinely, I don't care if you believe me or not. I don't, I can't at this point. I can't because I know course not. I don't. I can't at this point. I can't because I know what happened because I was there and that is something I will literally

take to the last day of my life. The last thing I'd ever want to do is go against somebody who was actually assaulted but all I'm saying is based on the person I know you are I cannot believe it a hundred percent. If did happen to you, I'm sorry it happened to you. If it didn't happen to you, karma's a bitch.

You're not sorry, but questioning that is sick. First of all, I shouldn't even have to like sit here and talk about it because I also, I literally, you during the Kiwi Farms days were sitting there saying that I never had that happen to me when I was seven years old and my mom had to tell you yes it did happen. If you go back and read it or

even the current ones I say I wasn't around during that time. We'll remember that. On your dad's side I thought it was his sister and then I had heard about it from you, but I wasn't around. I don't know what happened. Please remember if it happened or not.

Please remember those words. You weren't around.

Remember seven. No, I wasn't. And you want to know why I wasn't around because of your mom, ask your mom why I wasn't around. Everyone wants to know where was Aunt Tammy when they were in foster care? Where was Aunt Tammy then? I was there the whole time trying for you.

You don't know that because you were just a little kid. Ask your mom why I wasn't there. She's told the story a million times to protect me. She didn't want me to see what y'all were going through. That's a sad ass excuse, I know, but that's the one your mom gave me year after year after year. Remember when you came to my house in Oklahoma before your mom?

And us going into the garage and sitting on the floor of the garage and me showing you all this paperwork and poems I wrote and things that I did to try to find you guys and that I never ever gave up on you guys. The poem I wrote to my sister saying I just have to like I can't keep doing this I'll see you in the gates of heaven. Do you remember any of that? Did that sound like a person that wasn't there or didn't want to be there?

You remember that?

Yes.

Okay, so there you go. There's your answer. Why I wasn't there. I can't be somewhere that I'm not there. I was in the Florida Keys, you were in California, and I could only do what I could.

Let's put timestamps on there. Who was Aunt Tammy at this time when Amber Lynn Reed came into this world? Her first and only niece. Let's see. Tammy lived in the Florida Keys.

She had her first daughter at 16 and 88. She had her second daughter at 16 and 88. She had her second daughter at 17 and 89. And in 1990, her sister came from California to Florida to get off drugs. Did for a little bit, got pregnant. I was in the delivery room with your mom giving birth to you, literally. Joke about that today.

And then shortly after that, you were a few months old, and your mom chose drugs again and left Florida Keys, went to California, and that's where the story continued of our separation. But I never gave up. I found you in my space, remember, after all those years? I came and seen you when you were 14. Your foster care people, or whatever, state custody people contacted me. I didn't have a pot to piss in.

I was getting ready to be disabled from all my trauma, all my counseling and stuff. I was in the mix of my own hell.

Can I say something?

Sure.

I don't remember you coming to visit when I was 14. I don't, I'm not saying it didn't happen, but I'm telling you that whole thing is completely blocked out of my memory. Well, that's one thing I can say I can believe you about. That honestly genuinely scares the shit out of me because when you're saying that spaghetti story,

do not remember that at all in the slightest. You don't remember no part of your dad saying, Amber, that's enough and you still putting more scoops on your plate? No, I do not. You're sitting at the kitchen table in the trailer. I remember it. No, I- Of course, I was, as you guys like to say, obsessed with one and only niece. I wanted it so bad.

That's why I'm like confused because like I'm being accountable. Like the shit that I did in my twenties and teenager, like it's bullshit. Like I am fully aware of that, but there needs to be some nuance in I had undiagnosed borderline personality disorder

due to all the trauma of my childhood. It makes sense that I was absolutely unwell and still to this day I am. And I thank God for maturity and for aging because I feel like that's the only reason why I have come as far as I have.

Like I'm still young in my brain due to the trauma. Like it's obvious. Everyone says I'm immature, I'm childish, I'm this or that. Like I do have some age regression, but I mean, I'm fucking 34. So I'm going to be just naturally a little more mature in some areas. And when it comes to me and you,

we have not had a falling out in the last good like five years That is why I in my opinion have been So beyond confused by why all of this is happening like

in

My opinion how I saw it was after the whole Kiwi farms thing like where you were doing all that, like genuinely that hurts so bad, but that was the last falling out we had. And I thought that-

And I understand, let's just touch this, because there's a lot to cover and I get that. And I don't want to ever seem like I'm cutting you off, but I don't want to get too far where we don't handle certain things. I will admit Kiwi Farms was not the nicest thing for an aunt to do but again, it's when you push me to the end. When

I've had enough, I've tried and tried and tried and got slapped around by you, by your lies, by your manipulation and again, I have it in text. So, it's not just hearsay. It's stuff that I can say, Amber, this is what I said. This is what you said.

And it's not just in your twenties. Like can say, Amber, this is what I said. This is what you said.

And it's not just in your twenties. Like you say, you're in your thirties now, right? You say we've had a good relationship for the last five years, I beg to differ, but it's because I started pulling away. I don't know anything about a lot of your last relationships for a reason, right?

Otherwise I'd have a lot to say. Well, I'm glad you don't know anything about Feline because...

Because I would have told it. You're right.

Because I don't want her shit aired out. That is no one's business to do so. Because it just seems like...

But did you not say you had a lot to tell us about her the whole time coming here? Yeah. And then when you got here, you said nothing?

Yeah. Because me... Yeah, because me and the games that you play it's not a game. My mom knows everything But you know nothing cuz we never got to that level because I read through the lines You did not want anything to do with me and let's talk about my the most important part of this equation my sister

You act like you have a great relationship with my sister today, and that's a lie. You talk horribly to my sister. You treat her like shit. You make her your taxi, your Uber, your this, your that. I hear it all, Amber. And you should realize that by now. I don't have to be in your physical presence

to hear about what goes on in our family. And I think you can tell by what I say, I know what I'm saying, cause you know it.

You've been there.

You have treated my sister like shit so many times since you've been here. And you try to control her and you make her take time off work to do the stupidest shit. Things that you could schedule when she's not at work.

But because you only think of you, you do it over and over and over and over and over again.

I would like to speak, please.

Okay.

Um, what I'm hearing you say is that Grandma is telling you things, and I think we can both admit she gets her stories completely wrong a lot of the time. Um, I'm around her, so I know this. I hear her speak and say stories of things that happened while I was there and she has it so twisted and confused I can't even believe it. Secondly, I do not make my mom take off a

work. She has taken off a work a couple times and it was either for vet reasons for my animals or it was for reasons where I had to go to the doctor, like, because I had to go to get a test done or whatever it may be. And they weren't open. Like, I don't know what to say about that. Like, they weren't open.

I just hear excuses with that. Sorry. Vets have Saturday services. Vets have after-hour services. My sister gets off at 4 or 5.

May I finish what I was saying?

So you could do that. So she did take it off for that. You going to the doctor? Okay. Okay. That's not an excuse. You can make an appointment. You can take an Uber. I mean, you can do DoorDash. You can take an Uber to a doctor's appointment. My sister doesn't have to lose money to take you.

But, well, she doesn't lose money. Yes, she does. She doesn't lose money for leaving a couple hours at work. Her job is very nice like that. And when that happened,

more than a couple of hours, she's taken days off for you anyway.

She is.

That's the least of our importance. But you don't treat my sister well. And I just want you to know that I'm very aware of it. And so is she.

My mom has never taken days off of work. I have never asked her to do that. She has taken hours. So say I have an appointment at 11, she'll get off at 10 and then go back to work maybe 12 or 1. So that has happened maybe three times since I've been here and I've been here for two years now. As for the vets, I finally got a vet that is open on the weekends because I do not want her taking off of work.

And I think having a doctor's appointment and my mom actually wanting to be there by my side during those times, it says more good than it does bad. I would never force my side during those times. It says more good than it does bad. I would never force my mom to do anything. I ask her and more than anything she offers.

I guess it's just a defense he tells the story.

Huh?

I guess it just defends he tells the story,

but I hear ya. It's unfair to me that you're believing like gossip. It it's sad because it makes me not even want to have a relationship with my grandma because when I go over to...

She doesn't want to have a relationship with you. So don't worry about that at all. That's why you don't go over to her house. When's the last time you went over besides the very last time?

Besides that one Amber, when's the last time you were at my mom's? Like two weekends before that.

Yeah, I know you guys take pictures and you put it in your videos, so I pretty much know when you're there. Yeah, and also I was talking to my mom about three to five times every single day. So to think I don't hear what goes on every single day, pretty obvious I do. You know my mom, you know how she is, right?

Yes, but I'm also like confused because-

So like, she'll tell you one thing, she'll tell my sister one thing, she'll tell me one thing, we all know this, but there's still the common, you don't get up till after three. So my sister can't do this, this or that with my mom because, you know, Amber, she don't get up till after three. I don't know how many times I'd hear that over and over and over again. Now she can't make any plans with my mom to go do her nails or bingo anymore because yes to Amber, Amber, Amber,

it's all about Amber. Uh, if I, if I'm being, if I'm being quite frank, I only see my mom once a week. It is on Saturdays. Um, sometimes Sundays, that is when we will go to grandma's. Um, but that's the only time I see my mom. I don't see her throughout the week. I talk to her on the phone. I message her. I see how she's doing and stuff, obviously.

So you guys don't go to Friday bingo no more?

No, I do not. I go to bingo once a week and it's on Saturday. So I spend 24 seven alone and I feel like it actually has made me grow. Like, no pun intended, not like that. But I love living alone. I love being alone.

But anyways, I'm going to start rambling about that. Back to Grandma. I'm actually taken aback right now because when I'm around her, we laugh like, oh my god, I can't even, like it hurts our ribs, we laugh so much. We have such a good time, like I help her when she's walking, like it's just confusing because

we always have such a good time and I never, besides on my birthday, that was, that was like-

Are you gonna tell me that you guys have never gotten an argument while you've been at, about the way that you talk to my sister?

On my birthday we got into an argument, we did.

We also got into it about having my sister give you your shots too, right?

So, I started crying and my mom was like, explaining how she's totally fine with it and stuff. And it started to make me feel guilty. Where I was like, is my mom, is my mom actually like just saying she's not triggered, but no, she's not triggered because she wants to take.

You made her be like that, Amber. You made her feel like she can't tell you no because you keep bringing up the past all the time.

May I finish what I was saying?

Now she owes you everything. So yeah, she's afraid to tell you know Yeah finish do that

May I finish what I'm saying? My mom knows her favorite word She tells me know about a lot of things Constantly and I just accept it for what it is. Um, I just say okay, I call it today. So that's not true

Never I tell you no, I gotta go on and on for fricking hours in text. I'm a horrible person.

So again, again, I'm not in my twenties anymore.

So can we-

I'm not talking about just your twenties. We obviously are, because I mean, me and you, we haven't even talked in two years. So it's like, how can you sit there and like still hold me to some standard of who I was in my 20s or when we talked more?

I've changed even in the last year. Have you watched your videos, Amber? You are a recycle, recycle, repeat. Like there's nothing new about you right now. You are the same person you were yesterday, last week, last month, last year. Watch your videos, Watch reaction videos. It shows it over and over again. Rinse, cycle, replete. You haven't changed, Amber. I wish you had, but you haven't.

Okay.

Okay.

Do you know why me and your mom's not talking?

Yes.

Can you tell me the reason?

You guys had an argument. Over what? Over personal family things.

Nothing's personal. I mean, what we've aired out, what you've aired out about our family already, I don't think we have much more to hide, do we? So I don't think this one stands above to hide, do we? So I don't think this one stands above the rest. So what's your story? What's the reason?

My mom thought she was getting grandma's house and obviously that meant a lot to her because my mom loves grandma with all her heart. And she wanted to keep it in the family. And I mean that's... I'm not going to sit here and explain her feelings, but it was deep reasons, not shallow reasons.

So I just want to make that clear. Um, well, I'm going to make it clear the true story. I don't get to on this recording. I didn't get to share it with your mom and you can share it with all your people. And then the truth will be out whenever you're done with your side.

I didn't get to finish.

I'm sorry.

Um, so when my mom found out that that wasn't the case, it shocked her for a lot of deep personal reasons. And it made her very upset and she reacted out of that upsetness and you guys got in an argument.

Okay.

So that's the story that you know.

May I ask you why you think this matters in this moment?

Because it shows you guys' character, your behavior, what I put up with in this moment? Because it shows you guys' character, your behavior, what I put up with in this family, what I have put up with, what I still put up with. It shows a lot. It shows that a sister, your mother, my sister, who nobody will doubt for a second,

I was her keeper, I was her person, I was the person who showed up for her time and time again, paid for her. I mean, would you argue with that?

Um, holding it above her head isn't fair.

I'm not holding it. I'm just saying everyone knows in the family it's me that did all that. I was the one who loved my sister beyond measure for decades and was always there for her every time she needed me.

To me it feels like your goal in this like going public thing is to make my mom look bad and to make me look worse.

No, it's to show that your mom just because she got and sober, doesn't make you a good person automatically. There's still behaviors that need to be changed. And this was a big one.

My mom is a good person. And I've never, like, she's not even a good person who does bad things. She genuinely is a good person who does good things. Like, having an-

I'm not gonna sit here and bash my sister tit for tat for you, but you know what I mean? It's real rich coming from you. Real rich.

Calling my mom a good person who does good things, how does that make me real rich?

Of course she's a good person and she does good things. When she found recovery, she'd give other homeless people money all the time and help people all the time. Her heart was good. She did homeless bags for the homeless, keeping with the tradition that I started, which of course on the video you guys make it like it's your thing, which I thought was cute

and hurtful at the same time, because I did the homeless bags when my sister was homeless and out there. I continued during the Christmas times with me and my husband. Then sister came into the picture and me and sister did them together. But what happened this year? Amber and sister did it.

And then, oh yeah, we did, this is a tradition. It's a number three in our family. Those are intentional slaps to me. You know I watch your videos. You guys know I'm gonna see that and you know what it does to me.

When I went to go see my cousin, Crystal, when I did homeless bags, when I say the number three, I'm not thinking of you. I'm not thinking, ooh, my aunt's gonna see this. Like that's paranoia talking and that's it.

No, it's not. At the end of the day your mom says that she is a Christian and she's in sobriety and you know you have to learn to forgive right but when the thing happened about the house which we still haven't covered when when it happened though, and it wasn't my doing, it started with my mom, and I handled it the correct way, sister got mad at me. So, all this time I thought she was not talking to me about two statements that I made during that time.

Turns out, nope, it's just about the house. Okay, so we go back to the beginning of the house when we originally talked about the house with my mom. I am buying my first home. So in their minds, I have a home. Which is not factual. I'm paying out the ass for my home every month. I don't own it, the bank owns it, so I'm buying my home. My sister, just getting clean and sober,

we honestly didn't know, obviously, if she'd even stay clean and sober. So my mom was wondering about the house. How could we have my sister in the house? Well, as most people know, even the younger of younger know that normally in a family situation

you do it 50-50 between two siblings. And if the one sibling wants to live in the house, they buy out the other sibling. So let's just put a number of $80,000. Let's say the house is $80,000. How would your mom ever come up with $40,000 to pay me out

based on what we knew then? And I, being the good sister, said, let's not worry about that. Sister can move in the house, and when it comes time for her paying me out, I don't care if she gives me $250 a month

for the rest of her life, as long as she has a home. Right? That's a good sister. Then you fast forward. Now, as you know, your mom's gonna have 10 years clean. She's in the same apartment, same relationship, same job, doing very well, has a nice little nest egg.

She's doing great. Couldn't be more proud of her success and her sobriety. So when we're in California, my mom starts it, not me. She starts the conversation over and over how people are saying it's not fair that most families split it 50-50, yada, yada, yada.

She even talked to my Uncle Ron out there about it. And that's what happened outside of the hotel that day. They were smoking cigarettes, your mom's sitting on a bench, I'm standing to the side, my mom brings up the house thing and I look at my mom and I say, mom now is not the time. Sister overhears this and questions, huh? What? What was that? and I tell her now is not the time

she says no I already heard it I already have it set in my mind that that's my house so a fight starts even though I tried to avoid it I said two things pretty I guess shitty but you know when you're when you're arguing we do that. I'm human too So I did say number one you would never be able to buy a house You would have to have a house given to you just like our mother and number two you're right You'll never have a marriage like mine because it takes work and dedication and love

Nurturing what she would never and if you lie about your mom's relationship with Steven, that's just a whole new level. It's horrible. So tell the story you want to tell, but I got that juice too. So anyway, back to the house though.

So there was our little fight. And then I kept saying, I told you now is not the time. Not wanting to throw my mom under the bus talking her shit. I'm trying to have peace. So then, you know, the next day, whatever few hours later, wherever it is,

your mom says, sister, can we just put this at rest right now and enjoy our vacation? And I say, yes, and I thought we did. And then it's a big issue again. I can't tell the whole story because then it throws my mom underneath the bus, right? Well, it gets worse, and the only reason why I'm letting this out is for me, not for you, not for sister, not for my mom.

This is for me. This is the family we come from. My mom and I went to her lawyers, had her trust changed, totally different scenario, and she wanted to die having my sister think that she's getting that house.

And when that trust is read, boy, would your mom's head would have fucking turned. Because you'd be shocked at the difference what that trust says. There is rules and stipulations that your mom would have to follow to get anything. My mom wanted me to hold that in the whole time while looking at my sister in her face thinking that she was getting this house.

My mom wanted to die and let my sister find out after. That's the kind of stress I carry for this family. If I tell sister that sister and my mom will not have a relationship again, and I'll be the bad one right. So I took it and I said nothing and it continued to put separation

in between me and my sister. Therefore, you jumped on board and being uh continue to be separated as well. That's how

this broke down.

Okay. So there you go. I just don't understand what this has to do with anything. Shows your maturity.

Well, But at the end of the day, you are who you are. I am who I am. Largely it's because of our family. The difference between me and you is you will always play victim and I will always look to heal. I tried my best with you, Amber. I was never enough. I will never be enough and as this life unfolds, I see it more and more clear. I can't see how I can devote decades to two people that can literally throw me to the side for no reason at all. Can I... And you brought up going to visit Crystal. That was hurtful too.

Because you know I don't have my daughter in my life. You probably even know more reasons than I do. But regardless, you and my sister both know what that daughter has done and is doing. And you guys both chose to go visit her. Where was she when you needed anything? Where was she when you needed anything? Where was she when sister needed anything? Never, not once did she step up and help out. She's a user and a manipulator and a greedy,

money hungry person, just like you guys. That's why you guys get along. I don't get along with my daughter, because just like you, I don't let people get away with their shit. I say the truth, and you guys can't handle it.

So I visited Crystal because she's my cousin and I love her, and I genuinely enjoyed being around her, and I can't wait to see her again. And that's the truth.

Good, I hope you guys live a miserable life together. I just, I really don't care. The fact that you went and seen her period knowing what you know shows the left for me. It's okay.

So I just feel like conversation keeps floating back and forth because like we keep going off on different topics, but-

Well, of course it's decades of trauma.

Yeah, I'm mainly only trying to focus on what's happened in the last couple of years because I like when me and you made up again especially like you know four years ago or whatever like that meant something to me and that's why I don't know why we keep going backwards instead of forwards so that's why I'm very much stuck in the last, you know, couple of years. It's because of all the lies, even current.

I watch your, like, another thing that you said that was so far from the truth is that you talked something about gift giving and that you used to send me gifts and no matter what, it was never enough. Why do you say shit like that when it's so far from the truth? I have videos of me opening up your gifts, crying, because I'm so happy.

And it's not a show for anyone. I've never sent it to anyone. I was gonna send it to you, but never did. You know, but I would be full of emotion just getting anything from you because you were my niece.

And I'd sent you gifts back. And we had that going until my sister came in the picture and then that ended just like everything else. It's like you come in the picture and things end for my sister, and then my sister comes in the picture and things end for us. Weird, huh?

Um, so back to what I was saying.

So,

when I, cause I, okay, after Thanksgiving, like I did message you randomly in December and why wasn't that enough for you to invite me to Christmas?

Because we went the whole month of October that you were here. I got to see you. Then I got to see you in November because I invited you to Thanksgiving and besides that the only text I think I have is for the vape and then nothing in December until you asked something I think it was COVID, how I was doing from COVID and I answered that even while I was sick and then you said Merry Christmas on Christmas and the day after I think it was like at 7.30 in the morning

I told you happy late Christmas. Obviously I was pretty sick at the time. And then nothing passed up. Nothing in January. Nothing till February 24th when you sent me the picture. By then I was done. You had been here since October and I'd seen you once.

No, twice. The day I was in your apartment and then...

It was February 1st where I messaged you.

I remember, it was still February.

I messaged you and asked if you wanted to hang out with me, Eric and Ricky. Like I was literally...

I was out of town, Amber.

I know, but that was my way of showing you like I'm thinking of you because I know you really liked them at the time. And like, that was my way of like, I don't know, an olive branch, something, because I genuinely was not choosing sides. And like you said, grandma told you, I was quote unquote boo-hooing over it because I was hurt.

Like I was excited to come here and have you in my life, like genuinely.

Why didn't you text me? I genuinely. Why didn't you text me?

I did.

Why didn't you text me and say, like you have before, again, I have probably 25 of them, Auntie, what can we do to fix this? Auntie, I don't want to lose you. I'm sorry I said this, this, or this. Auntie, I'm sorry I pushed you away

because this is what I do to people. How many times have I gotten those messages? But this chapter, I didn't get nothing even close to that. When you knew it was between me and my sister fighting, you could have at any time said, Auntie, I understand you're having a problem

with my sister right now, but I still wanna see you. Can we have lunch?

Because I was-

Do you want to come over?

Like I said, I was trying to read between the lines. When I noticed that you weren't texting me at all, ever, it made me realize maybe she doesn't want anything to do with me. Like when I wasn't invited to Christmas, when I didn't get a happy birthday,

when I wasn't invited to Christmas, when I didn't get a happy birthday, when I wasn't receiving texts from you, when all you did was hurt my love and miss you, like those were my small ways of like opening the doors to a relationship with you. And you were not stepping through the door. Like that's the best way to put it.

And it's just like

What was I supposed to do with that? I was starting to genuinely feel like a fool

Well, I'm looking at the text right now as we speak and we just got two different sides That's all I can say and I just I don't know what else to say besides that. I mean I Have it in front of me. I'm first you can't I also it's right here. I also have it in front of me. And how many uh you say I never tried to be a good aunt you don't think that's hurtful to hear you say that? When I have how many how many uh what were those things called slap books slam books something like that 200 and something questions. I did multiple times

throughout the years with you. Even when I'm working, busy as hell, in between customers texting you answers because you're like, answer my questions, you know all the time. But yet you don't know me from shit. You didn't even know how old I was. I'm your mom's younger sister by two years. I don't know anyone's age. Your mom is 56, so how could you think I was in my 40s?

Because I don't know anyone's age.

Because you don't put any energy into anything except what you do.

If I don't put any energy into everything...

You would know my date, my birthday.

Okay.

You only have one aunt. Okay. It's not that hard. I have multiple aunts but you're the only one that is in my current life. But um. Okay, if you want to talk about blood I guess, but you have one aunt. I don't have one aunt. Yeah, you do. I don't have one aunt. Oh, okay. I guess I have never met your other aunts. Aunt Kathy?

I don't know.

It was her daughter.

Your daughter or your dad's size.

It was her daughter when I was seven years old.

Like I said, I don't know them. I don't know their names.

Okay, so stop saying I have one aunt when I don't. It's just, it's part of like all of this nonsense, you say things that aren't real. Okay, I'm sorry.

I'm the one aunt that's been in your life since you were how old? I don't know how else to say that.

Okay.

Yeah.

I don't even remember what I was saying.

Not important.

I genuinely do not remember what I was saying.

Oh yeah.

So you sit there and you say that like, because I don't know your age means I don't care. That's not true. That is genuinely so untrue because the only example I can like show of that is like how well do I know you and your likes

just based on like when we would gift exchange, like I knew exactly, like you would always tell me that how good of a gift giver I was. And that was based off of a long distance family relationship that we had.

But I never tried. I never tried to be a good aunt, remember? So how did you learn about me?

I'm letting you know that I do know you. I do learn about you. I'm just not good with birthdays, names, or ages. And that's okay But don't equate that into me being a bad niece because I don't know your age. That's not fair

I equate equate you being a bad niece by all your actions. Not just one. That's just one of many Okay, but I'm learning how would you feel if I tell you I didn't know your birthday

I'd be like, I'm not surprised You don't you don't even know how many aunts I have.

Ha ha ha, like it's stupid.

Oh, God.

What?

That's just, I just can't, I can't with you.

It's a mess.

Well, I'm saying obviously you don't know much about me because I have repeated-

I obviously knew you had another aunt, Amber, because I've been questioned about it real recently, right? When I again said, I don't know, I know it was Georgia's sister, obviously I know your dad's sister is your aunt. I know these things. I just said I'm your only aunt because I'm talking about from my sister. I wasn't talking about your dad's side or somebody who hasn't been in your life in, you know, two and a half decades.

I mean, I just don't know what to tell you past that. I'm sorry I said I was your only aunt. You have another aunt. Where is she at?

California. When was the last time you talked to her? It's been a few years because it's triggering for me.

happened in your 20s just years ago, right? But yet you think it's okay to talk about every single thing that happened since the day you were born and use it as an excuse to be the person that you are today.

Because unfortunately, the things that I went through when I was younger, which I only recently found out a couple years ago, led me to have literally brain deformities, which is what caused borderline personality disorder. So unfortunately these are things that I'm dealing with every single day. And I'm trying and I'm trying and I'm trying very, very hard to learn the difference between excuse and reason because I am tired of making excuses.

And now it's just a reason for the way I am and the reason for the way I've acted in the past and current times and I'm trying very hard to focus on being a better person.

Well, I sincerely wish you all the best in that. You do need some professional help. I know you say that you've gotten it from time to time but just sitting over a phone call or a video is not extensive help. You need really inpatient at the end of the day, but I know that will never happen, but you really do. You really need to take some of your money

that you're making off this crap and get yourself some real help from a real counselor, face-to-face, weekly meetings, true medication that can help you and maybe you can come out on the other side, but all this. Oh, I got no the phone calls. You know the apps and all that. It's not the same. It's not the

same and you do self diagnose a lot. I hear it. I hear it. I hear it and so you do have some issues. I'm not saying that

you don't of course you do. some issues. I'm not saying that you don't, of course you do.

But you need professional help to diagnose and treat.

May I know what I have self-diagnosed myself as?

Oh my God, so many. Just watch your videos. I don't have time for it.

If it's so many, I would like you just to name one then.

Just anything, OCD. That was BPD, BPOPD. I don't know. Put all the letters in there. I don't give a fuck.

BPD. See, this is where it's like, you're supposed to be my aunt and whether you're angry or not.

I was supposed to be.

Whether you're angry or not, like I don't understand like how it's so easy for you to mock mental illnesses that I have.

Amber, I have just as much labels, if not more than you do, documented, proved, treated, you name it. I would never make light. It takes a lot to get through these things, but it takes a lot of work, work that I put into it. You got me to this point because I've held on for so long and every time I turn on the fucking TV and I look into my niece, I see more and more and more and it's disgusting.

I think that maybe something what you need to do is probably log off and stop

watching my YouTube. I've tried that before, do I need to show those fucking receipts too? Well I told you I need to quit watching your videos for my own mental health and then the text comes. Auntie are you watching my videos again? No. I really wish you had watched them. I'm sorry Amber I can't right now. I am not just another YouTuber. I am your aunt. I want to build a relationship with you not through YouTube. I am your aunt. I want to build a relationship with you, not through YouTube.

I shouldn't find out about everything about your life through your YouTube channel. Until you can do that, I'm not watching no more. Couple weeks later, you come back, you're watching my videos again? You don't give a fuck about my mental health.

You are talking about things that genuinely happened-

20 years ago. Yeah.

So long ago. It's like crazy.

I'm trying to understand because the whole point of all of this that is happening is because of like recent things within the last couple of years. And I'm genuinely confused and I still stay confused. And we've been on this conversation for an hour and it's like, I still don't have an answer.

Because people like you can't see it for what it is. It's just that clear. I mean, I could talk till I'm blue in the face till midnight and we'll probably still stay right here with you not

understanding. Okay. What's right in front of your face. Here's another question. Why after Thanksgiving did you expect our only conversations to be opened by me instead of you?

I really can't answer that 100%. I don't know. I think I was hurt over the I just found out I can't see you without your mom and then it following through where I didn't get to see you and then of course The only time you reached out was when you wanted something and then of course we're working We work full-time jobs, you know, we don't just sit around every day. So in between all that It's not like I have all the time in the world. And I think I was just waiting on you, waiting on you to do the right thing.

I've done my part for decades. And then you guys were here. Should have been part of my dream living out. But no, turn into my own personal hell.

Yeah, because from my point of view, it just seems like you're so mad at my mom. And then now, like, I don't want to insult you, but it just feels like you're bitter that me and my mom are close. And you didn't...

I'm not. I wouldn't have played the middle person all that time if I didn't want you guys close. It doesn't even make sense.

This was the pot at the end of the rainbow

was to have my sister clean and you and her enjoy life together. I just didn't know I'd be kicked to the curb in the process. Bitter, I don't think is the right word. Pissed off, I think is more accurate. Cause it's disgusting. I don't think is the right word. Pissed off I think is more accurate. Because it's disgusting. I don't deserve this.

I genuinely thought I was going to be the one to get, like I repeatedly would tell my mom she should message you and like I thought I was going to be the one to help with that and that's why like the three times we did see each other when my mom was there, like I was hoping that was gonna help and it's like

it sucks that it didn't like it's genuinely unfortunate and I just know that like

like I've admitted to those, but in the last like literally four years, I have not, I've made sure to be a good niece. I've made sure not to lash out like I used to, especially once I understood why I am the way I am. And it's like, it's made certain situations easier. So that's why I'm just like so genuinely confused why all of this is happening.

I guess it's that phrase, the straw that broke the camel's back. I mean people can only hold it together for so long and you push and you push and you put it. What's that saying? Slow death by a thousand cuts or whatever he said. That was the most accurate statement that I've ever felt.

That's how I feel with you. You cut me, you cut me, you cut me, you cut me, you cut me, you cut me, and then you say, why is there blood? Because people can only get cut so many times.

That's why.

I'm fully aware of what you're saying, but like, what did I do?

It's what you didn't do in the last chapter. In the last few months, it's what you didn't do.

Not what you did. Okay. The thing that you're upset with me for, for not doing, is the same thing that you didn't do either.

Well, besides that, besides this that's currently going on, what I have learned about you through your relationships that I've been watching, I don't want you in my life anyway. Even if we could amend this, you're a horrible person in my eyes now. You're vile. You're self-absorbed, you're manipulative, you're abusive, not only physically but mentally. So really all this is for nothing, because there is no fixing this. I will never be in your life, my sister's life, or my mother's life for the rest of my life. And you can take that to the bank and cash it.

Have a good night, Amber, and a good life. I wish you nothing but the best. You can talk all your shit that you want online. I give no fucks. Will I still watch it? Probably, because you're a mind fuck at this point.

I am so mind blown at the way you think and the way you act. It's not really a huge surprise coming from our family and that's sad in itself but it is what it is. But I am human too. I have been through my own shit. I have healed from my shit as much as I can. This would only take me back if I continue and I refuse because as a 54 year old woman I still have some life to live and I choose to

live it and I choose to live it without your bullshit in it and you think it's cute to say I'm obsessed with you that right watch all your videos that's just weird there ain't nothing weird about that I wanted a relationship with my niece and the only way I got it was through YouTube. I lost, you won, I hope

you have a great life. I didn't even get to say bye. Um...

I don't know.

I genuinely am like... Um... I'm like, I don feel verbally attacked, obviously. like coming from my aunt is like just very painful for me um and it also makes me sad at the same time because it's like i know my my like i know i have issues like that's obvious i'm very up front about them but it's like it makes me sad because she clearly has issues as well, and it's like she's not aware of them. I don't know.

But one thing that I'm not is I'm not, I'm not gonna let it get me down. I'm not gonna let it get me down. I'm not embarrassed. I think she should be slightly embarrassed because that was like, crazy. I'm not ashamed.

I'm not gonna let her words in the way that she views me

it's not gonna let me look at myself any differently. If anything, it reminded me of how far I have come because like

I was hectic in my 20s, especially like my early 20s.

I was hectic, like, and I upfront with that and it just it goes to show that I would like I always say I wish I was 21 but I'm telling you the mind frame that I had back in my 20s I will never want to be that person again. And, oh no. I'm... yeah. If anyone hears that and says,

oh yeah, she was a smart woman,

it's tough lying.

Um...

Hurt people hurt people. Yeah. I think you handled yourself very well. Thank you.

Um... I think you handled yourself very well, thank you. Y'all are both narcissistic, oh.

There were so many things that she was saying and I wanted to respond, but I just couldn't get a word in, you know? I felt like I was slightly disassociative or whatever the word is like God and like the couple times I started crying it just I felt like I was literally transformed back into like a little girl like it was crazy. I wish I would have taken notes because I would say them now purse baby but I don't

even remember. No I wasn't gagged or speechless. Sounds like your grandma started this. Yeah, that's what I was kind of sensing. Me and my grandma get along. That's why that whole thing, like, genuinely, like, hurt, you know?

You weren't even listening to Tammy. I was disassociating, but I was listening. I was coping. I was overwhelmed. It was just triggering, really. Some of the things that she said was like, ugh.

It was a lot. A rocking I think you're disassociating. Yeah, I do this like when I'm like, I don't know, anxious maybe. Um. um i think tammy might be exaggerating something your grandma said i think it's just like a lot of hearsay through the grapevine game of telephone you know um what are we door dashing tonight i don't know

peter totterlin very that i did not want my live stream to be this like It was like just feeling so much more positive and light and like just like ready to move on and she was watching my live stream and she knew that and

That just sucks. Um.

Bon Bon, I hope so.

I don't know what she's doing, Anna. I have no idea.

Do you think she had anything valid to say or was it all bullshit? It felt very like just out of nowhere. And I like, even though it was over an hour of conversation, I still don't understand why this is happening. She, like, the first time I asked her, like, what did I do in the last two years to cause this? She started talking about when I was 14.

And I'm just like, first of all, I don't remember her visiting. And that just, it like genuinely, whoa. Like, how many memories do I have I like? I've always told you guys like I have a lot of my life blocked out, but that to me like.

What?

I believe it happened 100%, but. Yeah, that like took me by surprise for real. But yeah, I don't know. I'm just so confused. It's fine.

It is what it is.

It was an hour of her screaming, taking her anger out on you. It was a lot for sure. I understand how close related family members appear as strangers and how hard it is to connect. I understand Tammy though, as she has been the caregiver in the family, she is burnt out as the constant mediator. Yeah, that's the way that she perceives herself, but that's not the reality. That's the thing. It's just like, it was hard to respond to like anything she was saying

because she would not stop talking. And it was just a lot.

But...

I think I'm gonna go.

Sugar glider, she was not composed. Like that. I'm not going to do that. I'm not going to do that. I'm not going to do that.

I'm not going to do that. I'm not going to do that. I'm not going to do that. I'm not going to do that. um like i made sure not to throw anyone under the bus i made sure not to say any of her personal things i stood by just asking why why is this happening and i still didn't get a well thought out answer it was just very confusing to me um but i don't know

wasn't speechless. wasn't speechless. Anyways, I'm gonna go.