Panda Express Conspiracy Theories

This theory is about Panda Express.

Finally.

Not Panda.

People are now saying that Panda Express' orange chicken is no longer edible because they changed the recipe.

No way.

Hey, welcome back to whatever the hell this is.

We're just boys edition. Not just is. We're just boys edition.

Not just boys.

We're just a couple boys.

Wait, is that something people say?

No, okay.

They usually say.

It sounded like a thing.

It sounded like a thing.

Isn't it?

We're just girls. Yeah, that's what it is. I'm just a girl.

I'm just a girl. I was thinking, because we're all boys here, you know, and we are just boys. What does that even mean?

I don't know, but I hate it.

It's in a lot of like dating profiles, like.

No.

I'm just a girl.

I swipe left.

What's rot, no?

I have no idea what this is.

I haven't heard of this.

You haven't?

It's when a girl. I don't even know how to do anything. Yeah. Is it like, I can't be expected to do anything because I'm just a gay man in the world? Is that right?

You're just a gay.

Start that.

I'm just a gay.

Wake that up. The reason I said that is because I feel like today, my goal is to just vibe. Do you know what I mean?

Oh, I am vibing. You can't see the wide shot, but. He brought in a poof, his legs are up. I'm reclined. I'm like, I was literally like, can somebody install a projector? I'm ready to go.

Me and Jared are in gym shorts.

Oh yeah.

I'm always ready for a swim.

Just a boy, you know, I like to swim, just a guy.

Just a boy.

That is kind of a just a boy thing. It is, yeah. We're very cozy and comfortable. Last week was a lot. When we all switched bodies and fucking the hair and the makeup and the this and the that, like we need a break.

Jared's still exhausted from his incredible impersonation. It was fabulous.

I appreciate that.

It was very hard to be you.

Can I have a newfound respect?

I've been telling people that for years. It's really hard to be me.

So humble. You're a humble king.

My back is still in pain from sitting there.

You know, and listen, sitting in this position for hours and hours while we do this show is ruining my life. And I need to figure out how to change it, but I don't know how to do that. Because if I'm sitting back and like really cozy, my vibe is different. I need to be like ready to go.

Yeah.

I can see like a group of scientists coming in here and taking measurements and figuring out an apparatus that's, you know, invisible to the cameras. It might already be there.

We don't know. I need a big man, Chris.

Yes.

You know where to find him. He has a roster. And I'm right behind me, holding me, not gay. Not gay. Not gay. But just like cradling me so I can just tuck into their belly.

Are they in green suits? So you can just edit them out on camera? There's a big guy in a green leotard hugging you.

We just see Shane move around every now and then.

It would be fun though. Like if, you know, listen, if I make a little joke, a little funny once in a while. It'll be, you know, get a little chuckle back there. It boosts my confidence a little bit. Okay. Can I say, speaking of big men, I want to say something right now, but I don't know if it's triggering or like, it's 2025. So I don't know where we are in like being able to talk

about things like this, but Jared, can I, Let me know if it's too far. Continue. You are wasting away. I know. You literally look like you-

Thank you.

No, keep going.

It's crazy.

And I was going to say it when you walked in the room, but I'm like, I'm going to save this for the podcast so that you, like, cause this is such a genuine reaction. I literally was like, I was a little worried.

No, that's what I want. I just saw you. I just got off a two day water fast. So you're seeing me at my probably thinnest in like at least five years. Wow. I think today would probably be one of the first times I've had something that wasn't cooked at our house. Wow.

And it's only because last night I didn't want to cook food after doing two days of a water fast.

Way too difficult. But then I realized I was like, oh no, literally the title of this episode that we prepared for is Panda Express Conspiracy Theory. And the theory is about us all trying the orange chicken. And I was like, which is your favorite thing ever? This was not planned like that. I feel so bad.

This is like a biggest loser contest right now. Like, can I stay away from the orange chicken?

It's like a temptation test.

It's like a temptation test. It's okay, you know, for the first like two weeks of doing the diet, I was very much triggered and it was hard, not triggered, I don't know if that's the right word, but it was hard for me to even go into Ralph's or something like that because I would see all the treats everywhere and you can't get out without candy bars right there.

Holidays.

But I think after like three weeks, it just completely left. And now I'm just eating to eat. I don't live to eat. I eat to live.

Where are you finding joy?

Good question.

I think just I'm not looking for it in one specific area. I'm just embracing it in all walks of life right now. You know what I mean? Yeah. Thank you. Give him a call. I'm a little weak right now. It's hard to clap.

He has like 7,000 Hot Wheels pouring out of his room.

Yes.

Accurate.

Well, congratulations. I'm so proud of you.

How long do you endure? Is this forever?

I believe so. I think this is a lifelong commitment. Oh no. I believe so. I think this is a lifelong commitment Well, I've accepted I might never eat out again outside of a very rare circumstance Which is okay because one good thing about it is it's totally eliminated the whole where are we gonna eat tonight conversation? I love that which is you know, which is fun. But now it's just who's gonna make dinner, you know?

God, who would?

Because every night's the same with him. What are we gonna do? I don't know, you pick. And then I order like, you know, a salad from someplace and he goes,

we both have our roles, whatever. I'm not that picky of an eater. I also just.

Shut it is. Disagreed. You have it fucking right. I'm not, whatever. Well, we're all proud of you. Thank you. Wow. Chris, speaking of being worried, I was worried for you when you told me that recently you went to a straight bar.

Yes. Oh my God.

Okay.

Did you come out straight? No, my straight friend who loves football invited me to go to a sports bar and watch a 49ers game.

Why'd you say yes?

I don't know. I like him a lot and mainly for that. So we went to the sports bar and I've never like they were like, oh you can't just go and you need to wear something 49ers or like it could be trouble. And I'm like what does that mean? So they gave me a 49ers jersey and they were like remember the player on the back is rice couldn't remember you better crop And I was I was very nervous. It was very like intense Masculine energy that I wasn't used to everyone like hi

What do you mean were they not water fasting over there I or something? I mean, I felt right at home. I felt right at home is what I meant. Because I'm so used to that.

Right.

Right when I walked in, they were all like,

something, something, touchdown.

Woo, woo.

And they were all like chanting and like screaming.

And like,

hey bro, we gotta pull out a win, huh?

And I was like, yeah bro! Is that what he calls it? I don't like talking to people when I'm peeing, but he keeps, like he's like, especially after last game, huh? Don't do and I'm like, yeah, I like run out of there because it was so scary

Well good for you. You held your own in a straight environment. Very proud of you bang bang niner gang. You know what I'm saying?

I'm offended personally. I'm scared

Wow, well speaking of straight boy shit, Spencer, I asked you, I was like, well, what did you do? And you said I went camping. And I'm like, what are we doing here? This is the straightest episode we've ever done.

Yeah, I went camping with two straight guys.

Weird.

Yeah, I know.

Everything sounded good.

Where were the chicks?

Yeah, is it one? I only know, the only thing I know about camping is from like the parent trap. So is it like, do you just go like, and it pops up?

No, it's so annoying.

I, yeah, you got to like set everything up and like, it's like survival.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's like building baby toys all day.

Yeah.

It kind of is.

Not all day.

Once you do it, it's done.

Okay.

You might be faster than me. We found a great spot though. I was very happy. What's so great about it?

I'm like, it's outside. Did you find a Hilton hotel? What did you find?

He found some drugs.

Oh, we don't have to go there.

No, I don't care.

What'd you find?

We ate some mushrooms, but also a good spot is just when you're not near other people. The worst thing in camping is when you're like right next to someone else. Like, cause then it's like, what are you, what are we doing?

Yeah.

Are you sharing a pooping hole?

Comes your significant other.

We did have to go, there was no facilities.

So we had to go like dig a hole and poop in holes and stuff like that.

Oh God.

Is this just at like a local park or? It was in Angeles National Forest, just off a trail. There were a lot of people hunting nearby, and it wasn't an official campground.

It was just like being pulled off the park.

I'm so not afraid to be hunted. I don't do drugs, but if I ever do drugs, I'm not doing drugs and then pooping in a hole and being hunted.

This is too much.

I'm worried for everybody in this room now.

Well, I was wearing orange, but my friend was on mushrooms and he was wearing like dark green like running around the woods It's just like, and I was like you need to put something else on because they're gonna shoot

You should have told them that you left a candy stash over in that hole over there

Ha ha ha, whoa

Hey, I buried some chocolate

Hey man, it's delicious

But yeah, that was my video I think a really good video one day would be you taking us camping It's gonna be miserable. It would be miserable for everyone. It would be a good video.

You could take our kids camping when they're old enough.

Yeah, that's more.

And then we could go to the hilltip.

Our kids are gonna be like, we're going with them.

There's a rumor that when Bear Grylls would film, he would like cut and be like, all right, we're going to like the hill nearby. No way! Not all of it, but that was like, he would do that a lot. So maybe that would be our shoot. It'd be like, set everything up.

Be like, all right, let's go get a book a hotel.

Uh, okay. What have we been doing? Well, honestly.

What?

Oh, I know. It is exciting.

It took me a second. We went to a pumpkin festival! No, that was exciting. But other side note, so we talked about this, oh my God, six months ago now. So it has been a while. And sorry, I'm not gonna talk about the Patreon too much. I know it's annoying. But the reason we started it was because we were trying to start a production company

and start funding bigger projects. And I had a pilot that I really wanted to make. I wrote it a year ago, almost a little over a year ago, and because of you guys and all your support over on the Patreon, thank you so much! I'm fully funding it, like it is really scary, really exciting, it kind of like literally two weeks, maybe three weeks ago I was like, alright we need to make this before the end of the year. I contacted my friend who has a production company. Now it is like every day we're meeting with people,

we're doing it, we're filming in a few weeks. Everybody here has a role in the pilot,

which is so exciting.

Have you, has Jared seen what his role is?

Yes, Jared is playing. So a little background on what the show is and what a pilot is. So I don't know if I explained this previously, but basically it's an hour long and it's my pitch for a TV show. So instead of going around and pitching a script and like showing people, I'm like, you know what?

Fuck this. I just want to make it myself. So the show is called Canceled and it's about an A-list starlet named Rachel and she gets canceled the night before the Oscars. And it's kind of her life unraveling, people coming into it. You know, it's, it's kind of what I'd say, like a mixture of hacks and American

horror stories, kind of how I've been pitching it. So, uh, one of the characters in the show, well, we'll go through and say, so one of your characters, Jared is playing the Vogue cameraman.

Yes.

So, and those are the people who like, you know, you're kind of bored. You're kind of bored, you're kind of annoyed, you have the camera and you're kind of like, all right, when are we going to get out of here? And you have a few little funny jokes.

I do.

So that's very exciting. I feel like you give Vogue cameraman energy.

Yeah, whatever.

Lizzie's the like, the bitchy producer that's like,

we got to wrap this up.

Yeah, Lizzie's we gotta wrap it up. We got Chalamet in an hour. Spencer is playing a employee at an establishment.

Yeah, my name is just employee in the script.

Yes, okay now, do a little bit of yours. So one of the characters is having kind of a breakdown in public and maybe Spencer's gonna film it. Oh shit. Wait, was that my line?

Nice dude!

Good job dude!

I need to work on it.

That was maybe actually the best.

Giving employee vibes.

Yeah, no, that was good, that was good.

Okay.

Chris?

That wasn't good, but that's okay.

Don't spoil too much.

Chris is playing an employee at a dog adoption center. It involves a dog and it's a very sweet moment. You have to bring realness, groundedness, sensitivity. You're talking about a

dog that might pass away. I said, it's you babes. I'm so excited. I can't even believe like, I don't know if you know, but right before you had sent me the message saying that I had a part in it which I freaked out about. I was so excited but I was sitting there thinking like I haven't acted in the thing in a while and I love acting and I miss it so much and I even like had a whole conversation with my boyfriend about it and how I want to make more time for it. I posted the thing on threads where I'm like can someone kill me in a horror movie I so badly like want to be in a thing like I it's like all I was thinking about talking about and then you texted. Wow. And I was like, oh my God, this is like my literal dream coming true right now.

So thank you so much.

Oh my God.

And I'm so excited. And the character is so like sweet and loves dogs. And I feel like I relate and I'm excited.

Should we have someone come and kill Chris in episode two? Just go back to the dog.

Well, that's the plan and the plan is to expand the characters right so that would be great and yeah yeah maybe there will be a dog adoption employee that gets murdered you never know and then Rylan this is crazy so Rylan is

playing like a lead role. My name's Dylan I think I'm described as 30 year old gay elf man.

Period. Yes.

I'm an assistant to one of the leads. So I'm not a leading character, but I am woven throughout.

Well, he's-

You're the lead.

Okay.

Here's how it works. The writer director, who's my husband, won't tell me how the season's gonna unfold, even though I have questions. We finish the script and it's on such a cliffhanger, my mom's like, I've read it twice, I need to know what happens next.

And his mom, Teresa, also texted like,

I've gotta know what happens next.

And I was like, I'm sleeping with the writer, I should be guaranteed to know it's something like Severance where like Ben Stiller didn't even know

what was happening next.

And it's like, he's just playing it cool. Like, I can't tell you, I gotta keep my lips sealed.

Yes, it's exactly like Severance.

Please, Apple, buy it.

Please, it's like Severance.

No, but there's, you know, the main girl and she has an assistant and then her manager, Sharon, who's like kind of an intense, aggressive Hollywood manager, has a little gay assistant named Dylan. So they're always in scenes together. So yes, that's you. That's exciting. And, and then my mom, my mom has a role. No way. Your mom has a role. Morgan has a role. I'm giving everybody in my life a role, Sandy, because I was like, there's nothing more fun than like, I think like my goal for this obviously is to pitch it and to have somebody buy it and have a show. Worst case scenario, it goes on, you know, my YouTube channel, which is still

amazing and I'm excited about that. But I had another idea. I was like, what if we did a tour with it? Like what if we went to, you know, people from my life in it. And I forgot, I haven't filmed something like this in 10 years and you forget how many people are involved. I mean, there's like a hundred people, like we're hiring all these people.

We literally like, we're people that are so doing us a favor really because our budget is relatively low.

What's crazy is it's so much money, but in the in the world of production, it's nothing. Yeah, which is so wild

It is funny to hear in a meeting people like talk about it like who will feel like this is you know

I mean like kind of like low budget and you're like

No, I'm like it gives me diarrhea every night But you know, it is cool that people believe in it and they're excited about the script and like they think that maybe there's a chance It could actually be yes. Yes. So yeah, the show is called canceled. We start filming it very soon. I'm very excited We've been filming all the behind the scenes in the docu-series over on patreon. We have a podcast over there All of that is over there. Thank you so much if you have supported it and yeah, we appreciate you so much. So, okay. Last little update of the day. We've been focusing on, on the cancel pilot and all those other things.

So we'll start simple, right? So here's my background. So I'm thinking a hanging plant, which I bought. You did? Yeah, I bought the plant. I bought the books. I bought books. Colorful books on a bookshelf. So that's what I'm thinking for mine.

Let me know in the comments. Do you like it? Is it too simple? Do we need more?

We start there, and then we fill it out as we go.

Yes, OK. responsible for hanging all this stuff? Yes. Also, this was before Pod Boo-Boos entered the chat. So now that the Pod Boo-Boos have entered, they will be incorporated.

They are?

They're coming tomorrow.

She's so sweet, too. She heard on the podcast that magnets, strong magnets are bad for my pacemaker. And she was like, I can take all the magnets out of everything. I was like, no, please don't do that. That's not gonna kill me. But anyway, thank you, Sarah. That was very sweet.

Okay, Jared said, okay, so here's my thought for this. Bookshelf two, I got this hanging alien tapestry thing, which is like kind of fun. A neon sign, which I ordered.

Okay, it's still showing the pink light.

Okay, yes, this was before the green entered the chat. But that shows you how long you've been working on this.

Oh yeah.

So long. This isn't just a fly by night project, guys. This is, time's gone into this.

This is months. Okay, Chris's, okay, now this is a work in progress because I want Chris to really like put his own spin on this, but I was thinking floating shelves with some cute items. And I don't know if you see in the top right, we have a move on gay cup and a little Yoda man, baby Yoda man, both of which just so you know,

I have ordered. So this is the cup and this is the little baby Yoda man. So we're already there. We also, I ordered little picture frames. I ordered a bear clock. That's just a white couple.

It shows that Chris is inclusive of white people.

Of a white, straight.

Of the ginger community. He supports straight people. Yes.

Hetero.

Dude, he went to a 49er game. 49er gang, bang, gang, gang. Yes.

Bang, bang, bang.

I'm a straight ally.

Yes.

We should get a straight ally.

Yes.

So that's right. Now, I think Ryland's angle is perfect. He doesn't need anything. Spencer's, I mean, we got the blanket ladder. I'm thinking if anything, like maybe a fake tree or a tent.

Oh, yes.

You guys know tents are really big, right?

You could be in a tent.

It's a facade.

I need a set designer to make like a tent facade.

Sounds intense. Oh, that's like a popsicle stick joke.

Okay, well I gotta go pee, I'm just gonna be honest. Me too. Really? You're shaking your little legs too. We're all gonna go pee together. Let's all pee in a line and pull out a double, yeah.

We should get one of those troughs in the office.

Whoa, all right, we'll be right back. And when we come back, ooh, we have a game. Get ready. Bang bang!

Bang bang, that's a game!

Hey, sorry to interrupt the episode. I'm so excited. Today we have a brand new sponsor. I always am so excited when a sponsor wants to jump on board the podcast. And I always want to make sure that I only work with sponsors that I believe in, that I think are great products or companies, and that I think you guys are actually going to like and enjoy and use. And when this one reached out, I was very excited because I was literally talking to Ryland about this.

I have been wanting to learn Spanish so bad, really open that part of my brain up. I think knowing more than one language really does enhance your brain. I don't know if that's why I'm so excited to say today's new sponsor is Babbel. So if you don't already know, Babbel is an award-winning app that makes learning a new language simple and effective. You can learn a variety of languages, Spanish, French, German, Italian, Portuguese, and they have courses covered by over 200 language experts. It's like having a private

tutor in your pocket. My favorite feature that they have is the real-time feedback. It helps you stay motivated and know like this is how much I'm learning, this is how far I've gotten. It's nice to have little checkpoints and also to have a goal like my goal is the next time we take a trip to Mexico I would love to go with my whole family and really communicate with people and know what they're saying. Go into the city. I think that would be really fun. And I think it would impress my kids. I mean, listen, I know they're too young to really know what's happening, but they're gonna be like, whoa, what is daddy saying?

I wanna be cool, you know? And obviously the goal is to learn an entire language and be an expert at it. But Babbel's great if you even just need like the main go-to phrases and words to communicate when you are talking to somebody who speaks that language. For example, Spanish. Let me give you a little bit of my commonly used phrases. Me llamo Shane Dawson. Donde esta el baño? That one is going to be frequently used. So they're going to give you guys a

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Gracias. And I hope you guys enjoy the rest of the show. I'm going to go to El Pano. Yeah, that's right. I'm using it in my everyday language. All right. to the show. Bye! We're gonna play a game we haven't played in a little while. I'm very excited about it. It is

Majority Rules! Okay Spencer, so you have crafted some Majority Rules questions. We are all gonna write down who we think in this group of just boys is the majority and then whatever's in the majority

gets the point. Yeah, so we've played it a few times and at a certain point it's kinda obvious with these questions that it's all gonna be one of us. So I have some about people and then I have some about just other subjects too so we can keep it fresh.

Okay, number one.

This is a great one to start with.

Who is most likely to photocopy their own dick?

This is easy.

Hmm, okay.

All right ready reveal on three two

Rylan told me all I need

Wow a grower willing to photocopy that's bold I've I've done it that's why Why I just did it. I don't know. I was just I'm just a boy show I was with a bunch of my boys and we are looking for art to put behind you on the show

And they all like it became a thing where like they were like, oh like like sit on it and scan or whatever It's like an asshole with your balls down. It's like an asshole ball gooch the whole nine and

Okay, I just had the sports bar the other day This is a 49er gang situation

If I photocopied my balls, it would just look like a turkey. I feel like Ryland would definitely photocopy his dick. You do not care. You walk around the house. I mean, not when, you know, there's people present. But just dick out.

Like last night was crazy. Just walk. I was like, where did Ryland go? And I look, just dick out walking around the house. I was like, I don't like to be naked by myself.

Yeah. Yeah.

All right.

All right. Up next, who is most likely to steal someone else's food

at the office?

Oh, interesting.

Oh, this is hot.

I don't think that it is.

Don't, it ain't me. This is a long shot. It ain't me! I put Spencer, I put you. I almost put myself. I was swayed, but not at the office.

Well, shit, yeah, I don't think Spencer would eat my food.

Shit.

I was wrong. I never know what I'm walking into, because I feel like, well, every time I walk back here, if it's around lunchtime, it's a different scent.

That's true, I know.

Sometimes I do eat fish and I'm like, I'm glad my office is far away. Shane and Ryland's. It's fun. Oh, I don't care. I mean, I got fish yesterday and I don't care about you guys.

I just mean you're more eclectic than me. I eat the same literal thing every day and so does Ryland and I'm like, we're having Indian food or you know, like. What's crazy is, I was just thinking he probably eats Indian food. Which is very good curry like when you take okay if you were to take a friend out to dinner tonight

Where would you go like what type of food? Yes, maybe my favorite is Mexican. Maybe like a ramen

I like ramen I knew it in some Spencer's that you would depending on the person because you're thoughtful in that way You'd want them to go a little bit of a like I'm a people pleaser too So it's like I I like like showing someone a good time like I love when people

visit I like to dress up as Marge. 49ers. Here's my defense yes sometimes in the middle of the night I will pick at Rylan's food. Sometimes if I leave. He never finishes his food and then he leaves it in the fridge for weeks. No I clean up the fridge daily. And by the way I buy the food. So in my head I'm thinking all right he didn't. So in my head, I'm thinking, all right, he didn't eat this, so I'm hungry. I'm gonna eat this.

And if he bitches about it, I'll buy him another one.

And I always do.

And my thing is, I leave it because I don't like to think about breakfast or lunch. So I always ration out a portion for lunch so that when I'm working, I always eat it. You never eat it. It's because you get to it. I don't have the opportunity to eat it. That's not true.

And if there's leftover sitting in the fridge, it's yours. Mediterranean Peter Grill had been sitting in the fridge for two weeks.

You ate it after it was sitting in your fridge

for two weeks?

No, he eats it right up. I was like, you know what? I'm not gonna touch that and let's see how long it lasts I just threw it out. I clean out our fridge almost nightly I have it there we do a trash run every night that I have to force you to participate I have to force you to go on my nightly prison walks. This is annoying It's our favorite. He's like my second or my fourth dog

It's like I already have to walk my three dogs every day and I have this heavy weight on my shoulders.

Whoa.

I didn't know where that was gonna go.

I don't walk my dogs. It's like I'm robbing them of a wonderful life. So I walk my dogs seven days a week, no matter how busy I am. Now Shane has implemented a second walk, which is walking him.

I have to walk him at night, and if I don't, he pouts like my dogs do.

Aw.

But it's how we connect.

He's like, can't we connect?

I'm like, we can connect in the hot tub. We can connect at dinner together.

Speaking of food,

which fast food chain is most likely to give you diarrhea?

Oh.

I mean, it's sad was switching it up yet. These are the things category because there's only so many things we can say about the five of us. Interesting twist.

I mean, you know what it is.

I know. Actually though, okay, but one of them actually gives me diarrhea every time. But I'm not going to put that one because I don't think they're going to put that one.

You know the one I'm going to write one that isn't true for me, but I feel like other me too. Yeah. I'm writing mine. Isn't that crazy in the corner and I'm writing the majority.

Good idea. Your personal one. Okay. I'm ready. I have already three, two, one. Taco bell.

Whoa. My choice was Chipotle though. Yes. But but like Spencer, having one in the corner just as a little bonus, Yoshinoya. Do you know what's in a Yoshinoya bowl?

Yeah. No.

What is it?

It's like a beef bowl, right?

It's beef intestines.

What?

That's what their ingredient is.

Are you sure?

And I don't even know if they're around anymore.

Really? They are, yeah. Yeah, there is one. Beef intestines? Yeah, it's intestines. Wait, I have a question. So you all like Mexican food, but you all made a face about beef intestines.

So does that mean that no one here is doing like, lengua tripe, cabeza, none of those

things?

No.

I draw the line at beans with lard. We went to our favorite Mexican restaurant and I was like, God,ried beans are light colored and you don't want to know and oh they're so good what's the secret ingredient what's the and she goes you don't want me to tell you and I said oh come on what is it she's like lard yeah yeah yeah oh yeah literally and i was like thank

you all the best beans lotta lard oh lotta lard is my drag name lotta lard oh my god and you have to go on drag race now. There's no other option

lot of Lord

Lord it's really good I can hear like the engine Come on out a lot of Lord. It's everything okay. Wow I've never been more excited about something

Okay, we're going back to the personal section. Oh, the Mo who is the most likely to get evicted for a noise complaint?

Oh, honestly, hate to say it, but Lizzie's not here. So I don't know.

We, we couldn't have asked this with Lizzie.

I'm not thinking from a personal volume standpoint. I'm thinking of what the person's playing standpoint.

So we know who to go with if we want to be on this is annoying.

I am so polite and like

every single one Rylan's been like, I know who this is.

Quietest little church mouse.

Okay, it's gonna have an answer 321. This is so annoying. Oh, I

said me but I said me too.

Well, it's it's you guys. It's not me. This is so annoying. Oh. I said me, but I said me too. Well, it's you guys. It's not me.

This is annoying.

Are you loud, Spencer?

When we rented this office, I literally was so nervous about my walking pad because I didn't want it to be too loud. I was asking, like, is this concrete floor? Like, I don't want to bother anybody. I'm so considerate. Why would you act like that? No, you're very good. I'm not saying in a way that affects anyone but me and my theater room is on the other side of the house.

So you're evicting him?

Shane's very respectful. And if we're going from a personal volume level, it's me. And if Lizzie's here, it's her.

You are loud as fuck in every scenario.

Only, yeah, but then when Shane-

He gets kicked out of Ralph's because he's too loud. That's true. Who gets kicked out of Ralph? That's the truth. That's the truth. Give me, run me through that. How do you get kicked out of Ralph for being too loud? I'll give you a scenario. You filmed it? Oh my god, the pumpkins are right there!

I'm performing. What can I say? Always. I quit me because I have had complaints. But like 90% of the year,'m super respectful I try really hard and I'm never there I'm never home. One like if I if I rarely have people over I'm gonna play loud music we're gonna we're gonna party and I'm gonna do I'm just gonna do it and that's gonna annoy people but it's only once or twice a year right and then also I don't have quiet sex I'm not quiet I don't have the

ability to be quiet some Some people are real quiet. Some people are not moaners. Some people are, I'm loud. The walls are thin. I don't know.

I've got a complaint for sex before.

What are you yelling?

Maybe.

Have you got, had people come to you with a complaint?

Come.

Yeah.

A couple of times. of my downstairs neighbors, just because they have literally complained to our landlord about us.

It seems like he has a personal vendetta against you though.

Yeah, oh my God, I hate that guy.

Wow.

Sometimes I like to stomp and just make him mad.

Let's all get, let's get Spencer Dance Dance Revolution

for the apartment. Yeah. All right.

Let's make him really happy.

I just, I want to go by his ring camera,

just carrying that up into the.

Hey, sorry to interrupt the show, but guys, this is big. There is something coming, something right behind us, something sneaking its way over, waiting to freak us out. What is that? My anxiety, my inner thoughts. Yes, but also Christmas. That's right, the holidays are right around the corner.

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Bye!

Ho ho ho!

What is the saddest food to eat alone?

Oh wow.

There is nothing sad about eating by myself.

I know, I love it.

I can't even look at it.

Do you mean like a brand or like an item?

I think a brand, Oh, you tell me.

Ooh, we could do brand.

What do you, what would you guys?

Let's do a restaurant.

I was going to put a restaurant.

Okay, what's the saddest restaurant to eat at alone?

At or even ordering? I think it's sadder if you're ordering it in.

All right, everyone has one?

Yes.

Three, two, de bepa. Because it's family style meals. And I've eaten there by myself one time at the bar

with nobody around and it was very sad.

Kui, what did you say, Chris?

I put any fine dining establishment. I mean, like there are places that are very fancy and like feel like a date night place.

So me and Chris.

And everyone there is on a date.

So we're in alignment here.

Majority rules. We're in alignment here majority rules cake factory

You guys are closer. Oh you get people watch their hands right? I was just not where everybody's alone No, like you're driving through Panda Express by yourself. Yes, you're talking to everyone, right?

Really sad. I got the most common like

That's where people meet and eat their secret lunch.

I don't know, I just feel like I feel like it's dark, personally.

I would say, how about this? Let's vote on who wins. I do think Little Caesars is pretty sad to eat by yourself.

I was just thinking like

I think that's just sad, period.

Like, it's just devastating.

Yeah, I was like, like Little Caesars eating in would be really dark. I don't even think that's possible.

You just have to be standing there eating.

So who won?

None of us, I guess. Me. Little Caesars for all that free promo.

Yeah, I'm giving myself a point. That's what you get if you have the scoreboard. Okay, I'm gonna give you a scenario. Ooh. I'm not why is this a scenario in the snow? It's just us as survivors. There are frozen other passengers Who of us is most likely to eat somebody first? Once again different answer different are people keto

Keto on this flight I think I may even be coming off of the water fast

Yeah, no, he'll just be yeah melting snow. I think there's one obvious answer

You said that every time every time you say that leave shade alone. I am NOT eating people

This is nothing to do with you. Yeah, although I've been told that I would be sweet

Why?

Well mosquitoes love me and then I think was somebody told me they were like it's cuz your blood is probably sweet I have it too. Do you eat a lot of pie? They smell they smell your blood. Really sweeter. Yeah, all right

Ready, three two one flip

Put Spencer

Yes, you camp Oh survival man, that's why I did it and his taste is so eclectic, right?

Not only with Spencer eat people, he'd be cooking them up. He'd be like, you know.

He'd have his campfire.

He has a key chain with the flint on it, with the little sparkage.

Who are you eating first?

We're all alive in this scenario, so it's other passengers.

Okay, but what if- Maybe the captain is the power. New scenario, everybody in the room is frozen except for you. Who has the best meat? Not personally, like who has the best meat? I told him I was sweet. I have my turn.

Maybe Shane if you have the sweet meat.

I do have that meat.

I might, you know what?

It's like when you go to a brewery and you get a little sampler of all the beer. A flight.

I'd get a little flight of everyone's meat.

Why is this making me hungry?

Shane!

That's not good.

Bring out the Panda Express.

Okay.

Okay, this is one I thought of that, I don't know if we're all gonna say the same thing, but I think it's funny.

We can vote on the winner.

What is the worst response to, I love you?

Oh, that's easy.

That's obvious. All right, ready? Three, two, one. I want to wear something different. Thank you. Oh! Oh!

I know!

I know it's rough.

I know it's really...

Do I win just because it's rough?

That's what I was gonna put, thinking about Han Solo.

I love you.

I know.

Oh.

Wow, next time we're fighting and he tries to make up with me, I know. See, I think the worst, if it's via text, could have just been a K. Ooh, four, four.

That's rough.

Just hearting it.

Liking it, just giving it a like.

Liking it?

A like.

The thumbs up would be rough. I think the heart's like.

Thumbs up.

The heart's like, love you too, in like a passive aggressive way.

The thumbs up is like. I don't think I've ever had a scenario where I've said I love you and I got a bad response You never said I love you before me right no Yeah. No! No, I didn't. Aw. All right, should we do one grand finale?

One grand finale?

GF.

Who is most likely to yell, shut up, to a loud talker during a movie?

Oh.

Oh. We all kinda know, yeah.

We need this person.

You guys all know? I don't know.

I know. If I don't know, then does that mean it's me? It's not you're up by one point. So there's a lot on the line. Oh shit Yeah, all right. Ready? Three two one flip. Damn. I was gonna put Ryland. I could

Jared you put I almost said me damn it. You think I would yell shut up at a movie theater

I am net I never ever feel like I have to apologize for you in social circumstances But the amount of times I've thought like I'm gonna have to go to apologize to the people behind us at a movie theater I don't say anything you get so upset by a noise

I get upset and I turn to you and I grab your leg and I say Oh my god, I would never turn around and be like shut up. That would give oh wait, Chris. You said you that's One of the only times in life I will do that. I need you nap and I'll do it. I can't stand it. Period. How do you do it? Because if I did it the whole rest of the movie, I'd just be thinking about it.

I do think about it. For the next like 20 minutes, I'm taken out of it. And I'm just stressed that I did it. But like either way I'm taken out of it and my movie experience is ruined.

Wait, can you do it right now? Texting my phone's on loud Did you know nachos

Some nachos shut up

What's going on with him back to the gun a life loser

Sounded so straight

Mine, you must be a 49er

My nightmare though is that happens and then someone yells back and then what do I do? Am I now in a fist fight? I would lose. What if they say, make me!

Oh, I'm screwed.

Then you just gotta go to the manager. I was in a theater where not only was a group of people talking out loud, one of them answered a phone call on speakerphone and was answering. One of them had a glass bowl with like very intense smelling food that filled the theater

and they had like a giant metal fork and they were like clanking around the entire movie to get the stuff at the bottom. It was insane.

Shout out to the Lakewood Mall for getting rid of Hometown Buffet because that movie theater, people walking in with their hometown buffet buckets was crazy. I would be like, we're really,

we're doing pot roast during this fucking movie?

It's basically the same etiquette as like a plane.

Like don't have anything stinky.

Yes.

I'm just saying, if there's one person that's going to find a tuna sandwich in the lobby and bring that motherfucker on the plane. It's you know that is not me

Wow, so who won well currently we have a tie with you and your beloved husband. Oh Is there a breaker trying to think if there's a tie break so you can be louder? Okay, I'm gonna write down my answer for one of these and you guys both have to guess Oh what your what my answer okay? Can I play just for fun? Yeah, okay

Which celebrity would we would we have the most fun with on the podcast?

This isn't fair. You and Shane are always talking about things

If you don't say this, I'm angry see this isn't fair. I guess you don't know Spencer as much as I do

He doesn't even know himself

You just tell us well, I'm, yeah, just tell me the answers

and I'll tell you which one is, I would.

What?

No, I want the reveal.

I don't have one.

You don't even know his real name.

No, I don't.

Oh my God.

Rylan just wrote a character name.

That could work. Revealed. Garth Brooks. That's not fair. Oh my God. You're right.

Okay.

Wait, show yours.

That's not fair.

Show yours.

Maul Cop.

What?

Kevin James?

Yes.

That's better for the podcast.

I love Kevin James, by the way. Learn his name.

Garth Brooks is only for Spencer.

That was the question. Brooks is a learn his name is only for Spencer

What we it was like a two years running joke on the party James was before I was before I was on the pod Yes, see Paul Blart before Spencer. Although now that you say that, I think my real answer would be like Adam Sandler. I think he would be, I think everyone, I think he would be a universal.

My fashion icon, since I gave him the day.

You look like him today.

You really do.

Yeah.

So I won.

What are you talking about? Where would Jack Black be on your list?

Yeah, he would be up there too. Shane is the big winner. Woo! Okay, where did you guys go? We're going to take a quick little break. When we come back, it's Conspiracy Corner. Oh my God. And it's one of the craziest conspiracy rabbit holes I've ever fallen down. It's insane.

And I'm honestly a little scared for my life. Do you even talk about it?

Shane did say, are they going to kill me?

I did say that because I was nervous. All right. Stay tuned. Stop. Okay. I see what you're doing. All right. You're watching the podcast, but you're also scrolling around online. Maybe you're doing some Christmas shopping, whatever you're doing. You know what you're not doing? Building your own website. Why aren't you doing that? You think it's too hard. You think it's too complicated. You don't have time. Christmas is coming. Let me explain something to you. There is a company out there who will make it so easy for you to build your own website. And I know what you're thinking.

Well, I don't have a small business. Why do I need a website? I don't know. Maybe you want to make a blog, throw some ads on there, make some money. Or maybe you want to make a blog where you rank all your favorite Christmas candies. website with Squarespace. That's right. Today's episode is sponsored by Squarespace. Let me just tell you a few things. They have templates obviously you can use, but you can also really personalize it. You drag and drop photos, you pick the color scheme you want, the vibe.

You can go as crazy as you want. You can go as calm and minimalist as you want. You can also start selling content or videos. Like you could make video series where you're teaching people how to make bread. You could put it behind a paywall with the price you want to charge for it. You could do email campaigns. That's huge. If you're a small business, and you want to reach your customers directly when you have a new product or a sale going on email campaigns is huge for that. And with Squarespace, they make it so easy. They also have so many analytics like you could really

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Okay, bye.

Hey, welcome back. Okay, I have a couple updates that are crazy. I know I always say that, but these two updates, not to continue to drag this place, because we do want to go there. And I would love a sponsorship. That's, I don't know if that's happening.

Are you kidding me? What?

Are you going to talk about the Macs and ask for a sponsorship?

No! Little Caesars?

That's our second update. Our first update is about Cedar Point. Okay, guys, this is getting crazy. The amount of emails that we're getting about Cedar Point, like, we really do need to go there.

Yes, absolutely.

It's haunted. There's ride malfunctions. Like, it really is a fascinating location. It really is an amusement park. But this little update is wild. So, in the last episode, we talked about the Wildcat ride

and how it was involved in two different crashes in 1977. Well, guess what? The Wildcat was removed, and guess what is now in its spot? Siren's Curse.

The fucking ride that gets stuck all the time.

Is that the new one?

Yes.

And they put curse in the name?

I, um.

You gotta give it to them. They're balls. They don't give a fuck. They're ballsy over at Cedar point.

We gotta go. We gotta go. I'm getting more and more excited every day. It's in Ohio, right? Yes. And I love Ohio. I've never been. When have you been to Ohio? Everybody thinks I'm from there. I don't know why. Have you been or you just like it? Yeah, I went on my book tour. No, I went on my book tour and people were like, welcome home. I was like, I think you think I'm someone else. I don't know who it is, but thank you for having me. Okay. This was from Sarah. She said, Hey Shane. So this happened at a discount store near me. I'm back to censoring it because this is crazy. Did you get a threat? No, but this next one's scary. Okay. So at a discount store,

I saw and I immediately thought of the podcast. Okay, this is crazy. So this was a post on Facebook. So maybe this is not real, right? This is alleged. So attention community, that's who posted this. I just got home from discount store and bought myself new bedding. After getting my brand new sheets on, I threw on my new comforter and I found a very upsetting surprise. A pipe and a small bag of white crystal substance. No.

The authorities were contacted immediately and the items were taken away to be destroyed. Confirmed to be meth. Discount store was contacted to pass on this information and hopefully items will be thoroughly searched before leaving the store

The comforter was not in a plastic bag just wrapped in its own material Please be cautious and then they posted pictures of the meth and the pipe and the cops coming in and all of this

This would be an elaborate prank if this wasn't real. What a sloppy drug addict like wouldn't they? Well, I don't think there's any super tidy. Yeah

Don't you think the priority is maintaining the drugs in your possession?

Well, there's an answer for that. Somebody left a comment and said, if someone is trying to steal items and then get caught, they put their drugs on the item so the police don't find it on them. Then the store puts it back on the shelves, not realizing the items are in it. The store I work for caught people and they put all of their stash in a pack of panties and then it was on the shelf for another customer.

Wow.

Or this is a very elaborate way for this person who may have been caught smoking meth to say,

it wasn't me, I bought this stuff at,

called the cops, it was in the pillow.

Yeah, the mom got pissed off.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. In their defense, it's not just them. There's like bloody shanks and poop in the changing room at Ross.

Pfft. Ha ha ha. Hey, hey, hey.

It happened. It's true. That's not even a legend.

OK, guys, we have a Taylor Swift conspiracy. OK, I know, right? There's so many theories about her. Oh, is she a Satanist? of the leader of Satan and all these things. This one to me is even scarier. And I know you're going to be like, what? Once I tell you, you're gonna be like, what?

But it goes deep and it really freaks me out. There is a theory that every one of her albums when it comes out is correlating with Apple's iPhone colors. Sounds crazy, but watch this video.

Okay. Wow. Watch this video. Okay. Whoa. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Okay.

And then, oh, I know what you're thinking.

Okay. Maybe that's a coincidence. Spencer, can you pull up a picture of yeah. No. Yes Are you fucking kidding me? I'm good Are you fucking kidding when she brought out that that orange album and orange everything in orange hearts and orange this and orange merch and Everything's orange orange orange and people start wearing orange to the theaters on stuff and then boom Apple drops the orange phone for the first time

Ever yeah, who wants an orange? So wait Shane just ran to the theaters and all that stuff. And then boom, Apple drops the orange phone for the first time ever. Yeah, who wants an orange?

So wait, Shane just ran to the store and bought it.

But I'm saying like, orange is such a specific color.

Very fucking specific. And it's not like Taylor and Apple are communicating and talking about what the next color is gonna be to make money off of each other. It doesn't make sense, right? Until I opened up X one day, which I only do to find Big Brother Gossip. And when I opened up X, I saw what was a Taylor Swift tweet. But then I

realized the name of the tweet said iTunes. Okay? So I was like, wait, I don't understand. So I click on the iTunes page, and I'm like, the banner is Taylor, The picture is Taylor. In the bio, it's a link to Taylor's album. It literally, everything is Taylor. And I'm like, wait, but this is iTunes. So this account has not tweeted in five years.

What the?

Six years. Hasn't tweeted in six years.

Well, also the iTunes account is following three people. I just looked. It's following Apple TV, the App Store, and Taylor Swift.

Whoa.

Whoa.

So this next thing involves her music, which, listen, when I see a reel, you know, that's like, did Taylor mean this? Is this an Easter egg? I'm not that invested in that. This one got me.

So let me give you a little background. So supposedly, you can let me know as a Swiftie if I'm right Taylor is known for like taking her favorite TV show at the time and putting it in her music Yes Olivia Benson her favorite show with it at the time of the reputation era when she was writing that was Game of Thrones and there's A bunch of songs in that era that are literally about Game of Thrones Episodes look what you made me do. She's talking about a list with names in red, underlined, I guess the main character, Arya?

Yeah, she's like a list of people she wants to kill. Yes. The way, the throne that Taylor was sitting in, all the snake references, all of that. There's so many more. I did something bad.

I guess that was a plot line from the show. Like a bunch of them, which is kind of crazy you hear these songs and you're like, she's talking about, you know, Taylor Lautner or whatever. I think both could be true. Both could be true. But then she's like, oh no, I'm talking about Sir Sully and fucking a dragon. And you're like, wait, what?

Um, okay. So that's interesting. Her favorite show when she was writing this new album was Succession. And she talks about how Father Figure was literally written the show, which is kind of interesting. Cause people, which two things could be true. It could also be about her and Scooter. Hi, welcome to Swift Spiracies.

They're also saying Olivia Rodrigo though.

Well, she's in succession. Okay. This is crazy. So this is a video. I, okay. You're going to start watching this and be like, okay, okay.

When it gets to the last one, You'll be shook. What's your favorite TV show of all time? Friends.

Me too.

Joshua, give me a call sometime.

Guys like you never go out of style.

We never go out of style.

You, Mr. Right Place at the Right Time.

Mr. Always at the Right Place at the Right Time. Okay. My baby.

You scared me a minute.

No, no, no, shake it off.

Okay. ♪ Shake it off, shake it off, shake it off, shake it off ♪

Okay.

Yeah, I've been sailing my whole life.

When I was 15, my dad bought me my own boat.

♪ Good thing my daddy made me get a boating license ♪ That one is crazy! That one is- All the other ones I'm like, okay, okay. That one is fucking crazy. That is crazy. I got a boat license at 15. My dad made me. That's crazy.

Are the writers of Friends suing?

No, nobody's going to sue her.

They're scared.

I'm scared.

That's a terrible idea.

Okay. Bless you. Thank you. This next one is actually from Colby, friend of the podcast, friend of ours. He sent me this and he was like, I think you should talk about this on the podcast. And I was like, I'm not going to watch this until the podcast. So this is a real- You just trust him?

Trust him. This is a genuine reaction.

I have no idea what this is, but he finds this very suspicious looking leather lampshade. Now if you look closely, it almost looks like this leather lampshade has tattoos on it. Well, Plainfield, Wisconsin is where it is from. The guy who inspired Leatherface from Texas Chainsaw Master, the serial unaliver, and grave robber who fashioned furniture and utensils and bowls and plates and stuff out of human flesh.

Oh my God. If I, okay.

That's a find. That's a thrift find right there. I'm jealous.

This is a movie. Somebody needs to write this movie. You go and you get a lamp at a thrift store. Your life starts to going to movie. You go and you get a lamp at a thrift store, your life starts going to shit, you're haunted, and it's because it's literally a person?

What?

Colby delivered.

Wow, thank you, Colby.

Thank you, Colby. I want your algorithm. I want anything but Spencer's algorithm. Get his algorithm out of my phone.

My algorithm's been good lately.

Really?

Ooh. What does that mean? Good's different to different people.

Yeah, good for me, good for me.

Yeah.

Okay, good, good. It's been working for him.

It's been working for one of us. Wow, that is horrifying. Okay, well, I think we need to lighten it up. This is not a conspiracy, really. I was gonna put it in the I? Watch. Oh no.

The whole bath.

Oh no. Are you serious?

Is that how cats poop?

She did the most elaborate setup too.

Just with that much vigor?

It's so good.

And also it's totally not real. That is an AI clip from the new app Sora. That is literally like TikTok, except it's all AI generated content. And I had no fucking idea. I almost texted you a link to that because I was like, oh, this is so funny. And then I scrolled one more time and it was this guy being like, have you seen the clip of the cat shitting in the whatever? It's actually AI.

Well, Jared did have a good point. Like our cats don't poop like that, but I still believed it for some reason.

We talked about this in the last episode. And I know we talk about AI too much and I promise we're going to stop. But here's why this freaked me out. Because in the last episode, we talked about how they were making a new version of TikTok and it's all AI generated. And we were like, who would even look at that? It's not real. You're not connecting to real people.

Who, like, what is it? It's going to be that. That is so funny. We all laughed out loud. We all thought it was real. We didn't even question it.

And it's going to be thousands of videos like that, all created by AI, probably run by AI. Our goal is to keep us scrolling on our phone forever and ever. And the algorithm will probably be so good and so catered to you that they'll probably

just be making AI videos specifically catered to you.

What makes me so mad is almost everything, maybe I'm just forgetting one, but almost everything AI you've shown on this show that was a video, I could tell it was AI.

And this is like one of the first, if not the first one that I had no idea. Yeah. So we're there. We've crossed the line. Like I know the Turing test is supposed to be when AI like makes you think it's a person, whatever that was, the cat shitting in the bath. Where we've crossed the Turing test. Uh, speaking of Sora.

So, all right, we're going to talk about it. You guys have been emailing us. happened after we shot the last podcast. So we didn't know about it yet. So yes, we are going to talk about Jake Paul being gay.

Oh, this is hilarious.

Is he gay?

No.

So all of these videos started popping up on Instagram and TikTok of Jake Paul being gay and dancing in front of pride flags and putting makeup on. Let's just watch one of those. Just so you can see.

Yay!

The vibes are immaculate, honey. Just so you can see. Bye. I don't know what that was. So yeah, just lots of videos of him being gay and putting on makeup and doing everything right. Well, people started freaking out for him because they're like, oh my God, like Sora took his likeliness and they're making these videos and people are making these crazy videos and like, I wonder if he's okay with this.

Is he going to sue them? So he actually came out. He should. He came out and said, it's me. No, he actually revealed that he is an investor in open AI and that he is actually the mastermind behind all of these viral Sora videos. Even back when we did that Jake Paul series a long time ago, off camera, he was telling

me about all these things he was investing in. He's always been investing in things way. And then years later, I'll find out about it and be like, oh my God, Jake Paul told me about that five years ago. Two weeks ago, I was like, oh, this won't become a thing. Like, I don't know, whatever. Now we got Jake Paul involved.

We got cats shitting in bathtubs. And I'm like, I think this is the future. And like, like we're not going to have real people. But also, what does that mean? On the internet. We're gonna have to start seeking experiences like camping. Yeah, you're right You got to interface with nature in other ways, but I make a sore video of Shane and Ryland camp. I Did hear I believe maybe even Sandy told me that because she works at a high school she's a little bit more in tuned with that demographic and

Evidently right now that demographic by rebellion is actually doing live experiences because it doesn't seem cool to be on the internet all the time. But can I watch TV? Because like I don't want to leave the house. Well speaking of mind altering realities, I saw a video it's called I tracked down the company ruining restaurants.

If you guys haven't seen it, please check it out. It's so well-made, it's so scary. So basically the video is about a company called Cisco. Please don't sue me Cisco. I'm sure I love your jalapeno poppers.

The largest food distributor in the world.

Have you guys seen these trucks, these Cisco trucks?

Oh yeah.

I worked at a restaurant many times. I'm not gonna say every because I don't want to get sued but pretty much every single restaurant Orders from this company, right? So this company has pre-packaged frozen food, but they also have like napkins and plates and all those things But what they really specialize in is like pre-packaged frozen food for restaurants So I watched this video and they basically were saying like, you know When you go to you know, like a pub or like a mom-and-pop restaurant or something, you know, when you go to, you know, like a pub or like a mom and pop restaurant or something, you know, whatever. And you get like jalapeno poppers.

Those are the same jalapeno poppers at the restaurant next door or the restaurant across the street or the restaurant in a different state, or it's like, it's all the same, but, but they call it like, these videos about Cisco and how, you know, they literally control the food in pretty much every single restaurant. So some of these comments were crazy. So this one said, choice is an illusion.

Going to the grocery store, you can see 10 different cartons of eggs with different labels, but eight out of 10 times, those are all coming from the same farm. This one, I'm a professional chef. I was telling people about this a decade ago. In our local area, people would argue about things such as which restaurant has the best lasagna and get mad when I told them it's all the same lasagna at all the restaurants, right?

So I was like, I need to look into this. So Cisco, the company has an app where you can look at all the food that they make and that they sell. So these are the jalapeno poppers on Cisco. These are the frozen ones that pretty much every single restaurant gets.

Sonic's included. I recognize them.

Maybe, maybe. Probably, definitely. So these are what they look like cooked. Okay. So then I decided to search jalapeno poppers on Postmates because I was like, oh, maybe we could try on the podcast, try a bunch of different ones from different restaurants. And then I tell you they're all the same, right? So of course I find these at a restaurant that's like a pizzeria, okay?

So those are the jalapeno poppers they sell. They look eerily similar to the ones on Cisco, right? Then I find a different restaurant that called the Noodle Nest that's selling jalapeno poppers. Not confirmed, but they look very similar. But then when I was searching jalapeno poppers into Postmates, it showed me these three different restaurants and all three of them had the same picture of onion rings. Okay. The same, isn't that

crazy? The same picture of onion rings at three different restaurants. And I was like, oh, that's weird. So I go to Cisco and I'm like, do they sell onion rings? Of course they do. So they sell these onion rings in these huge boxes and they look just like the ones from the pictures. Yeah. So then I refresh the app. I go back and it gives me a recommendation for a restaurant called Kay's Slice of Cake. So I see that they're most famous for their tiramisu.

And I was like, Oh, interesting tiramisu. I wonder if Cisco sells that. Of course they do. They sell the tiramisu dessert tray, right? Okay. So maybe this restaurant is getting their tiramisu from Cisco.

So then I go back to the homepage of the restaurant and now there's mozzarella sticks next to the tiramisu at K's to slice a cake. And I'm like, those mozzarella sticks look eerily a lot like the mozzarella sticks on Cisco. Okay, so I'm starting to think this restaurant

has a lot of Cisco food. Sorry if you don't, but it's starting to look like that, right? So then I look and I notice, oh, the restaurant's only 9.6 miles away. I've never seen Kay's slice of cake before. That's weird.

And then I'm like, wait a minute. Let me go back to the place that had the jalapeno poppers, the pizzeria, it's 9.6 miles away. The same distance. Yes, so I'm like, okay, so maybe, maybe the pizzeria created a fake virtual postmate restaurant for their desserts. Okay, I'm not mad at that, but then I go back

and I start to think about the onion rings and I'm like, wait a minute, how far are those places that have the same pictures of onion rings. So I go to one of the places that has the onion rings, Cheesecake Daddy. Oh wait, it's 9.6 miles away. Okay, that's weird. So then I find the address and I'm like,

oh, okay, so there's an address on Cheesecake Daddy's. So then I search that specific address in Postmates and I find Wing Zone, 9.6 miles away. Nathan's Famous, 9.6 miles away Nathan's famous 9.6 miles away. Whoa known as table 9.6 miles away L&B burger boy 9.6 miles away big leaf salads 9.6 miles away. There's so many pasta glory. This is

But don't worry pasta glory also has a social media so they have their own Instagram account where they have a bunch of AI videos of people eating pasta.

What the fuck?

That's like sad though.

Yeah, why does it make me look so depressed about it?

Yeah, yeah.

Okay.

I gotta eat this again.

All right, so you probably think it's over, right? Nope, they also have Jen's Burger Blades, 9.6 miles away. So then I start to think I wonder if they have any on door dash. So I searched the same address on door dash They also have Goldie's burger 6 miles away stuffed calzones 6 miles away the calzone Empire calzones So then I searched the address in Google and it takes me back to just the pizzeria, a literal place that

just says pizza. And they have 15 fake Postmate restaurants.

Wow.

15!

They took the Denny's game plan and they showed us what's possible. Shout out to them. Good for them. I mean, that's, to me, that is really maximizing,

although it is a little bit of trickery. It's very, listen, here's the crazy thing. Like the reason I was scared to even talk about this is because I'm like, if they're willing to create 15 different fucking restaurants, shout out to all those restaurants,

like Cheesecake Daddy, I'm coming. Maybe we'll go in the video to that address and see. Maybe it is like a magical world where you open the door and there's 15 restaurants. Although there's four that all sell calzones. Yeah, yeah, that's a lot of calzones. Shout out Nona's Table. Let's do a taste test.

We should honestly get jalapeno peppers from all of those restaurants.

And just see if they're all the same. And the video is just, well, they're all the same.

Yep. Okay. Well, speaking of food and restaurants that would never ever do anything to hurt us, this theory is about Panda Express.

Finally.

Not Panda.

Sorry, Derek.

People are now saying that Panda Express's orange chicken is no longer edible because they changed the recipe

Well, Panda Express has officially ruined orange chicken. Once the greatest fast food culinary invention, they've changed the recipe I can't find anything online that confirms this but I eat this shit like once a week.

Now in that man's original tweet, he said he wouldn't prove anything until people who worked for Panda Express started to message him and tell him that yes, they did indeed change the recipe. And according to a former employee here, he even showed you the exact recipe that they used to use for the orange chicken.

Except now, people are saying that they are using a mass produced food company, something similar to Cisco, and now that nobody actually will ever taste the original Panda Express orange juice.

No way.

Okay, can I just say, I didn't actually finish that whole fucking reel before I sent it to Spencer. I did not know that Cisco was a part of it.

That's crazy.

Seriously, I thought that was how it all tied together.

No, it is, string theory.

And I just like how they took the survey at the bottom of every receipt as their launching pad to do this. No happy people fill out something with a comment box.

It's always hate.

It's only the Karen, yeah.

So it's only people saying, I just wish it was less spicy, or something like this. And they're dictating like the minority of people that hate on it to change their whole game plan, which is very weird Well, if that's true, that's really depressing because I did love their orange chicken. Their orange chicken is one of my all-time favorite foods I love it so much and the fact that I might not be able to actually taste what I remember as a kid anymore So here's what we're gonna do. We got

We got okay. We got some orange chicken before we realized your was on ketosis So we're gonna bring in the orange chicken and we're gonna taste it We're gonna get rid of it really fast throw it away, but it's okay Jared cuz it's the new shitty one. Yeah Oh, no, no, no, it's okay. Yeah, so I'm gonna know the second I take a bite of that I'm gonna know if it's the new or if it's the classic Oh

Here, give me I just smell it. Well, oh. Are you giving my fortune away? It was already delivered to me. I just want to smell something. Just do this near me.

Oh no.

Didn't Panda Express start in Glendale?

I don't know. It smells like the real orange chicken.

It smells like the real orange chicken.

It smells like the real orange chicken. All right, let's see what my fortune is because I can't eat orange chicken. He's just a boy in ketosis.

A simple lifestyle will guarantee a happy existence.

Whoa.

And I'm just eating simple.

Whoa. That's really weird.

Cool.

It's Panda Express being like, we know you're not coming back.

Well, wait, now I want enough Minds Fun.

Well, no, I can't just keep doing.

A bold and daring adventure is in your future.

Are they saying I should just eat some?

Maybe. All right, let's try.

It's good.

This one tastes pretty good to be honest.

It tastes different to me. It tastes more like American.

It tastes less like sweet almost or something.

It tastes more like chicken nuggets. Yeah. And not like orange chicken crispy, like with the hard pieces in it.

I agree.

You know, like orange chicken used to have the candy, like hard, like crunchy. You're like, is it a bone? I don't care, because it's so sweet.

This is mushy, which I'm not used to. And yeah, I don't know.

It doesn't feel right.

That's so sad. to Panda Express when they're older. What? An unlikely ally will push you over the top.

Over the top?

That sounds almost bad.

It's Bill Maulkop.

Is that a threat, Panda? That seems like one. Wait, what is Chris's?

Oh, I'm so eager.

That would be a fun company, like Fun Fortune Cookies with like goofy fortunes. Personalized.

I don't even have a cookie.

Oh no. I don't even have a cookie. Oh, no, I actually recently thought of a restaurant called cheat day. Whoo You're like hey, I don't eat food anymore, but here's my restaurant cheat day wait This is big

Boy I can't do a recap if I have to pee. I'd be thinking about how I have to piddle the whole time.

He's just a gay boy in the world.

He can't.

Oh, you're ready for a recap?

He's method acting. This is Dylan. All right, it's time for a recap.

Light, camera, action. Ryland's Recap is about to happen. ♪ ♪ Rylan's Recap. ♪

On today's episode of the Shane Dawson Podcast, we debunk the theory that Panda Express's orange chicken is now different.

No, we didn't debunk it, we un-bunked it.

I thought it still tasted pretty good.

You confirmed it.

Sally, what do you think?

It's so good! Wait, you're not gonna have Sally in the recap?

Okay, well, I just wanted to do one creative thing.

No, you're just trying to get out of here.

Jared is wasting away.

We're looking so hard to find Jared, but we just can't seem, oh, there he is, swimming in a shirt that used to hold him. Is that you, Jared? That's me. Looks like ketosis at its finest.

Did you just complete a water fast?

I did for 48 hours, Sally.

Congratulations.

Thank you.

Oh, Chris is straight now.

Just when you thought Chris was at a disadvantage for being gay, turns out it was a plot twist and he's been acting gay this whole time. Turns out he's straight straight peeing in troughs with straight guys at bars watching sports. Hoorah.

What's the saying?

That's a bang, bang, niner gang.

Bang, bang, gang, gang.

Oh, oh, oh, we have Chris live at a peeing trough?

Hoo, hoo, oh, what's up guys?

I'm here with my boys, bang niner gang. What's up, Ryland? Oh, this is Sally now. How big is the dick of the guy that's standing next to you? I mean, it's pretty girthy everyone on the everyone in the niner gang is thick as fuck. You know what I'm saying Sally

Are you in the four gang or the niner gang?

Spencer's also doing gay things in the woods with his friends. Spencer?

Hey Sally, yes that's right.

I'm doing gay stuff like having fun with my friends outside. Jake Paul's not gay but he plays one in AI.

Yes.

On purpose, he's a part of it.

Yes.

Sorry, my leg is killing, I need to, next time we film this podcast, I will be in a different location. Really? My leg is killing I need to next time we film this podcast. I will be in a different location I have to this hurts my back coming to us from a different location. Yeah, well, maybe okay if I sit all the way back Do you still see me? Oh, thank your mic with you. Oh Yeah, it's become too old to host the Shane Dawson podcast

His grandpa is really showing and he may have to retire soon. This is nice

and it's human human lamp

ever thrift in the state of

Wisconsin

Wisconsin you might just find an artifact of a real human from the serial killer ed Gein ed Gein We're shooting canceled and everyone's dead. Woo! We all just got a little more employed in a backwards way because I don't know if anyone's getting paid and Shane's losing lots of money, but we are all chasing our dreams. I'm the actor I've always screamed I was going to be.

And Shane is directing, producing, and not starring in his Pilot Cancelled.

Yay!

Woo!

Okay, that's it for the Shane Dawson podcast. We'll see you next time. I hope you enjoyed. Shop your Shane Dawson merch at shanedawsonmerch.com. Follow his Patreon at iHeart. Everyone's links are in the description section below.

We'll see you next time on the Shane Dawson podcast. Same time, same place, different set next time.

Good night.

Okay, bye!

Bye.

I would clap, but I have to hold the mic.

Yeah, and I have to hold Sal.

Yeah, yeah, that was good, that was good.

Thank you, thank you.

Well, yeah, thank you guys for enjoying whatever the hell this was. We're just boys edition. Just boys. Hate us. We're just boys.

Guys.

Don't be mad at us. We're just little boys.

Okay.

I'll see you guys next time. I'll see you guys next time.

Bye. Bye!