Por venganza maté a mi cuñado y a mi hermano | Rubí #Penitencia 180 #entrevista #México

WARNING! The opinions and testimonies expressed in this content are the responsibility of those who issue them and do not represent the institutional position of Penitentiary, its team or collaborators. Penitentiary, through Fundación Reinserta, supports children in contact with violence. to be continued. ♪♪

♪♪ In what moment does violence stop being a line that doesn't cross?

And it becomes an option that seems to be logical. At what point does killing someone start feeling like a valid way to resolve a conflict? Estrela Rubí doesn't start with an act, but with years of normalized violence. Silence is imposed, violence is forced, violence is forced. and begins to feel like a valid way to resolve a conflict. Estrella Rubí does not start with an act, but with years of normalized violence, silence imposed, daily blows and broken loyalties within the family itself. Growing up where pain is routine changes the way in which good, evil and justice are understood.

This chapter puts on the table the importance of mental health and forces us to ask ourselves what happens when the body learns to react before reason, when anger becomes automatic and violence seems to be the only possible defense. How many signals are needed for someone to explode? And who decides when it's too late? Rubia speaks from an uncomfortable, honest and deeply human place.

Not to justify or justify, but to understand how those limits that once were broken are built. If these stories interpel you, bother you or make you think differently, help us to get further. Click on the subscribe button, share this episode, and be part of Penitentia. We were with Rubi, and we were saying that you are a hermit.

You are a person who tells few people their things. Why do you consider yourself so reserved? Because I am a hermit. I am a hermit. I am a hermit. I am a hermit. to which you tell few people your things. Why do you consider yourself so reserved?

Because of what has happened in my life. The people I have crossed paths with have not been good.

Ok.

So I prefer to reserve my own. Why do you think the people you've met in life aren't good? Or what kind of people have you categorized as not good people? How do I explain this? They're not good because they don they discriminate against people, or there are small details about people that make people feel less without knowing them,

or they talk about people without even knowing them. And I don't like that kind of people, I don't like their comments. So, I say, well, if they talk about the other people that I expect from me, then yes, there are very few people that I consider to be in my circle.

I've always said there are two types of people. There are people who don't trust until the opposite is proven, and there are people who trust until the opposite is proven. And that's how you are, you're a personality. And that's it. Hey, welcome to Penitence, this space where we bring microphones to the prison,

and where we talk. Because they are talks about who they are, eventually, why they ended up in prison, but most importantly, what is their life story. So I would like to start with you, Rubi,

from the beginning. So let's go back a few years. Tell me about what you liked to do when you were little. Let's start there. Here you have a piece of paper. Here you have a piece of paper.

It's hard to hard, right? To remember. Yes, that's why I was nervous. I was standing there, I said, sit down, drink it.

This...

It's not the people, it's... The person I became until today. Who were you before? La persona en que me convertía hasta el día de hoy Quien eras antes? Como describirías a la Ruby de antes? Pues... Yo era muy tranquila Nunca estuve con mis papás

Con quien creciste? Este... Con mi hermano. Mi hermano pues prácticamente se hacía un poco cargo de mí, porque pues él trabajaba. ¿Y quién se hizo cargo de mí? Pues yo misma.

¿Desde chiquita? Sí. Mi papá es alcohólico. Y pues mi mamá siempre trabajó. and my mom always worked. And my brother, my brother was a dealer. So, I was always alone in the house with people I didn't know,

seeing drugs, alcohol and chaos. I didn't like being with them, that's why I left my house when I was very young. How old were you? 14 years old when I got together with ***. So, at 14 you left? Yes.

Would you say you were in love? Yes, a lot. I was with that person for 10 years. Well, a good one. And that age is a lot of time.

Yes

And since you have... you were talking a little about your parents and...

Aha

And your brother and others. Since you have use of reason, do you have these memories of drugs in your house? Of your alcoholic dad? Yes, always. They took my house as a... A point of sale. And people would come in, go out, touch it and ask for my brother.

So, well, this point started to be more frustrating for me, seeing the drugs, seeing everything everything, to know about her since she was very young. What frustrated you?

I started to like marijuana a lot and to this day I still do. What frustrated you? You said you were frustrated to see what they were doing. I knew that he was sick, but I was curious to know what they were doing. My brother told me that he would buy me everything I wanted, sweets and everything, and I told the police. So they even helped you? Yes, practically. How old were you when you started?

About 9 years old.

In the alcohol business?

Yes.

I went out to play normally, but it wasn't that normal, you see? Because I couldn't be playing with my friends just because I was watching. And I would tell my brother and the people who worked there, in the building.

When the police arrived. Practically, my childhood wasn't how it should have been. What do you think you lacked in your childhood? What did you long to have as a child, when you were in that environment? ¿Cuándo estabas en ese ambiente? My mom knew what the house was about. She knew a lot of things. And when she got home, she said, your brother, because he's a man, doesn't have to do anything,

and you're the woman, and you have to get everything up. And I said, but...

No.

I started to rebel with her, and I left my house. You left. How was your relationship with your mom, Ruby? Tell me about that. Since you were little. It wasn't very good. My mom always kept me away from them.

I always wanted to eat with them at the table, with my sister, with my brother and my mom. But apart from me, he said that they were always talks that I couldn't hear. But when my dad came, everything changed. She treated me well.

My dad, as he arrived drunk, I accused them of hitting me. My dad would get really mad and would hit my mom. He would hit my brother, my mom. One day he tried to kill her because he hit me. Your mom?

And my dad told her not to touch her daughter again.

And I don't know, I think that was the most hateful thing my mom did to me. I don't know why she was holding that hate... Do you have a nice memory with your mom? No.

Since you were born, do you feel like it was like that? Why do you think she had that feeling towards you, Ruby? No. I don't know, family things never put me at ease. It was always me locked up in a room and being alone. Did you ever ask her? No, she only said that...

...they were adult talks, that's why I couldn't be there when she was talking to her kids. Do you think she was taking care of you? No. No. What did you think? I don't know. I felt like he didn't love me.

Because I was always with my dad, even though he was an alcoholic. I've always defended my dad since I was a kid. I've always defended him.

I've always defended him. with my dad, even though my dad was an alcoholic. I've always defended my dad a lot since I was a kid.

And I remember that they weren't nice. It was always her who talked to the police, paid them, took my dad and beat him. When my dad told me that he beat the police because my mom had paid, it made me very angry. Many times I tried to burn the house with my mom and my brother inside. Because of the anger I had. I didn't like that my dad was told he was an alcoholic.

Or that he was insulted or that he was beaten. When did that relationship start to change, Ruby? When did you start to feel this need to ally yourself more with your dad Can be a reasonable equal no one knows when the message is in tears time is he not come away they are the most important to pop up a party I'm I'm I'm a sin important el alcoholismo KKKK tenía a in Kimo meant to some sojourners are dynamic college come

with a primary quarter to the tennis to take sides with your father?

One day, he hit me really hard.

He opened his head.

Your father?

He told me that my sister had told him to hit him.

Your sister? I remember that he fought really badly with my sister.

Really badly. I remember that I fought with my sister. Very ugly.

Imagine, in a fist fight.

Yes.

I was invaded by a yellow cloud. This is not a personal bullet, to anyone, more than the one I'm attacking. Tell me what's going on in your head. You call it the yellow cloud.

Yes. But what's the process? Tell me what's the process of being in a situation, what happens in your person emotionally when you start seeing a yellow cloud and what do you feel?

I feel a lot of anger, a lot of anger. I feel like my whole body is heating up. I stop listening to anyone who tries to tell me to calm down. It seems like they're telling me to go crazy. I hit without compassion. I don't like it. It hurts people. Do you remember the first time this happened to you?

Yes.

How old were you?

I was about 20 years old. So you were older? Yes. And you were in the hospital? Yes. And you were in the hospital?

Yes. And old were you?

I was about 20 years old. So you were older. Yes. You didn't have this problem when you were a kid? No, I didn't have this problem when I was a kid because they always locked me in 2018 I attacked my sister-in-law's brother-in-law and my brother-in-law. My sister and my brother-in-law beat me when I was pregnant.

My mom never avoided that. me and my sister and my sister-in-law took the risk of giving me a second chance. They told me that they were having a problem with me. My sister got up from the chair and started slapping me. I was pregnant with twins, about five months old. They hit me between the two of us and my mom never did anything. That's why I don't have any good memories of her.

It's just a tradition. Why did they hit you that day, Ruben?

I don't know.

I don't know. He just came in and told me he had a problem with me. Can you imagine what? No, I never had any problem with him. None, just that he didn't like it because I started in the vice and in the street. You know that people who dress like this, loose, pretty,

are looked down on. He discriminated against me for that, for my way of dressing,

for the people I hung out with.

What did he call you? Like a slut? Well, yes, he called me a slut, that I dressed like this, that that I was a drug addict. I didn't care. But he was always insulting me. I remember that time I was lying down and he came in and said, I have a problem with you.

And I told him what? He picked me up and gave me a slap. That's when he got in and hit me in the stomach. I tried to defend myself but I couldn't. And I let it go because my dad came and took me to the ambulance and I lost my kids. Did you lose them both?

Yes. I can't have kids anymore. And that's more frustrating for me, you know? I can imagine. What did the doctors tell you? Because of the leprosy I had, my uterus had been malformed. I have a malformation. And I can't have children anymore.

I had three pregnancies and I lost them all. And that's when I got into a very big lullaby. After what happened to me, I tried to recover. I went more into drugs. And I attacked my brother-in-law. The one who hit you?

Yes. In 2018, they put a shotgun in my chest. I shot him five times in the chest. Did you plan it? Were you going to do that? No. No. I was walking and he was shooting me in the truck. No. to and they work in the chicken coop. So I was carrying them around because they were stolen from me at work,

and I was taking them. I didn't realize I was carrying them in my bag. When he tries to throw the truck at me, I see him get out of the truck and put his hands back. And the only thing that went through my head was,

is this him? And I put my hand in my bag and felt the knife. I remember when I realized that I was pregnant and that he had no compassion, I said, how am I going to have it? And I went attacking it like that, without thinking.

I remember that day was like a boulevard, at 12 o'clock in the morning, next to a market. A lot of people saw me. And I remember everyone was shouting, Rubik, leave him. I could only hear voices in the distance. You couldn't hear what they were saying.

Until my husband pulled me out of the sweatshirt and told me to leave him alone, that I was going to kill him. And I saw him lying on the floor. And I was happy. I felt that relief in my chest to say, well, if my children are fucked, why not?

And I didn't care if everyone saw me. I just stood up and turned around and saw that there were a lot of people. I told them that they were looking at me and that they had lost me. But without knowing that everything I had done, I didn't realize, I didn't realize the consequences. It wasn't something that I would say. It hurts me. It's like a matter of immediate gratification. No, no, so I look at you did it

May do it. It's come on to my day. Notification Maybe a time school is a little bit of a Rita pork and a corage, but no way up in Sarah. No, so to pensive I'll kill okay. Yes, man, pensive as a mother See the hippie seal a cabo con me vida por el itara a Juno poder tener me do it less No, it's lo mismo como me dice una sammy gasa key I'm not going to do anything with my life because I can't have children. It hurts, you know? It's not the same as what some friends here tell me. Adopt. It's not the same.

Maybe it is love and seeing him, but it's not the same. So I was going with that if he I thought it would be better for me. Rubi, you were telling me about that yellow cloud that comes to you. Let's say in that situation with your brother-in-law, the car throws you, at what moment do you feel that? And is it as if your body acted on its own,

or are you very aware of what you're doing and nothing else, it's just blocking the outside? No, no, I'm the only one who's blocking me. I'm the one who... let all this I feel inside...

be expressed.

So it's like you don't have... control. That's expressed. It's like you don't have control over that. When I really start to have it around me, I repeat, I don't see anyone. No one, no one, no one. I remember that day, they were shouting that the tactical unit was coming, and that the Marines were coming.

And all I did was laugh and run. I grabbed my husband by the hand, and he was all bloody. And I stained it. He left with me. He also said he had done it. He left with me, he didn't leave me.

He did it for the higher education. For our children. Because they were both. And we were both going to be in the police car because I felt so avenged against my children. And my sister gets there and starts telling me that she's going to kill me

because she had killed her husband. And I tell her, when did you kill my son? When did you kill my son? And no one did anything. And the ministers told me, how? Did you do it?

I said, yes, yes, I don't care. Yes, I did it. And I tell him, what else are they going to do to me? I said, why didn't they do this when they killed my children? When I was bleeding in the hospital? When my son's heart stopped beating,

why didn't they do anything? And the ministries supported the gang supported me and my husband and they told me that they were going to help us. It doesn't matter if they caught us in the... Infrared. Infrared, because they even had gun and everything. But I don't know.

That day I was saying goodbye to my holy death. They knew why I had done it. Because I filed lawsuits and that and never... Did they sue you?

No.

So you officially sued them? Yes, I sued my sister and my brother-in-law. I even had the papers of the lawsuit, of when I went to the hospital, of how I was going to be beaten, everything. They took pictures of me, everything. But no, he didn't do anything.

You went to the public prosecutor's office and they told you, we're going to help you. I was in the hospital for a week. I was in the hospital for a week. I was in the hospital for a week. I was in the hospital for a week. I was in the hospital for a week. I was in the hospital for a week. I was in the hospital for a week. that they had hit me, that they had taken the lawsuit. I said yes. And he said,

do you have all those documents? I said, of course, I keep everything. I even kept my last ultrasound. And he looks at me and says, well, just like you're telling me, you're going to tell the public prosecution.

I said, go ahead, if you're going to help me. But they said, girl, you went too far with your brother-in-law. And I don't care.

I don't give a f*** about my children.

I got to the public prosecution and they started asking me why, how it happened. I started telling them that he was the one who attacked me. He was the one who simulated me carrying a gun when I had nothing.

But he made this movement. Yes, so when I see that, the only thing I thought was, is it him or me? and I thought, well, I'm the only one who's jealous. And he said, what else happened? I said, well, the man just attacked me.

I felt attacked and all I did was defend myself. Everyone else passed and I told them the same thing. I was left the same thing. I stayed in the car for 20 days. Yes, I'm exaggerating, almost 20 days. And the judge told me to come in and tell them what had happened. Because I raised my hand and I told him, I'm tired of you putting things in that you don't.

Because they were saying that I wanted to steal the truck, that's why the man had acted that way. I mean, they wanted to turn her over, they wanted to say that I was wanted to steal the truck, and that's why the man had acted that way. They wanted to turn him over, they wanted to say that I was going to steal the truck. And he defended himself. Uh-huh.

So I told him, I don't know how to drive a motorcycle, I don't know how to drive my life, Mr. Judge, and you think I'm going to drive it? And he started laughing. He says to me, I said, sorry. He said, he said, so, he said, what do you mean?

I said, well, I did it. Yes, it was me. I said, because the Lord killed my children when I was pregnant. The judge said I had to prove it.

I said yes. And my dad came in again.

My dad always helping me.

And he took the papers. They gave me a hearing date again. And the judge told me that she had already read all the paperwork, the lawsuit I filed, and she gave me my absolution.

How long were you in prison?

Like 20 days.

20 days. You were released, for self-defense. My sister was very angry. I can imagine. She tells me that she is going to kill me, that this is not going to stay like this. And she moves away from us, from my dad, my mom, my brother.

She moved away for six years. Six years, without saying that she didn't have a family. That her family was the one she lived with. That she didn't have a father, didn't have siblings, didn't have anything. And she stopped talking to my sister. My mom gets against me for what I did.

She starts telling me that it wasn't right. And that how was it possible for me to be free, despite what I had done. The only thing I could tell her was that it was like her daughter was free from having killed someone if I didn't feel so good. And that clash with my mom started again, because of her daughter.

Without knowing that I am also her daughter. And that I was going to have babies that day.

She never thought about it.

Yes, your loss. But it's's a sexist topic, right Ruby? It's like men have the right to hit but the moment you defend yourself

it's...

it's bad everything is bad I mean, they hate you because you punched them but when they were hitting you, they were there and they didn't do anything about. Yes, that's why I say. It's a very bad social cancer.

Women, many women, are so used to gender violence that when they see that it is replicated in other people, they do nothing about it. Because they were hit, their sisters were hit, their husbands hit them. No. Si. Interesting, right? Yes. What happened next? Why are you here today? Accused of murder.

Murder and injuries are considered murder.

By my brother and my sister-in-law. I'm sorry. That's the hardest part, you know?

Well... Why is it hard? What part is hard? Because I loved my brother a lot.

Okay.

He was very good to me. We both liked marijuana. Well, we like it. I mean, we like it because I still feel like she's with me. Do you feel like he's with you?

Yes.

With resentment?

At first, yes, because he wouldn't let me sleep. I dreamed about him a lot. And I told him that if he saw me in my late 20s, he would say no. He was angry?

Because you killed him?

He said no. I always defended my dad.

Always.

Why did you love him so much?

Your dad.

My dad.

Because he has an alcohol problem, just like me. And I understand that. It's not easy to leave him. I'm on drugs and alcohol. It wasn't easy for me to quit. It's very difficult to be addicted. Too much.

So you're compassionate with your dad. Do you understand his illness? Yes. And besides, my dad is already old. He puts a lot of effort into his work. And I love it. I like his work.

I was going to work with him in the albany.

I know things about albany. I know how to build a house from the ground. Only sometimes people underestimate women. I love him. I love him.

I love him. I know how to build a house from the bottom.

Only sometimes people underestimate women.

Without a doubt. Yes.

But you liked to do something. Yes. For the profession or because it was something you did with your dad? Because of the profession, because how to build a house, how to start it, you have to know how to build the two floors, if you want three, if you want more. It's something cool.

I like it a lot. And my dad always told me, get yourself together, because when you want your house, so they don't make you a fool, so they don't take your money, you already know the budget for everything that's going to be taken.

And if you just shut up, see how they do their job. Because I chose my father, so that when I had my family, I would have a plot, it would be my home, and I would take him with me. But nothing more to him. Not even to my brother. Because my brother, well, he was mistreated, you know, because he was an alcoholic.

My dad was very responsible for the house. My mom wasn't even there to invite him to taco. That was my anger, my annoyance with them. How was that dynamic? Tell me a little more. Well, your dad came home drunk. Yes.

And what happened? My dad is... When he was drunk, like that, he drank a lot. He was very funny.

He wanted to make jokes and stuff.

But my mom got upset because he came home drunk. It was funny. I wanted to make jokes and stuff.

But my mom would get upset because I would get home drunk.

Then my dad would come home and sleep, and I wouldn't say anything.

And my mom would wake him up.

And she would start telling him things like, you're fucking drunk, you smell like shit, and I don't know what. So my dad would get upset and I would see that and I would't know what. My dad would get up and get upset, and I would see that and hit him. I didn't do anything. I would tell him to wake him up. My dad never got up and got upset. My dad would always get up and go to sleep.

And then I would see how my mom would take the money out of his pants, his wallets, take all the keys from his motorcycle, his wallets, I took all the keys from his motorcycle, and I made him lose it. And my dad stopped working.

So, all those things that they did to my dad filled me with anger. I was like, I'm going to pass it on. I'm going to pass it on. I only pass on three, and I've always told my family.

You have three opportunities with me. That's it. One, money.

Two, they'd hit him.

Your dad.

And then in his own house, they wouldn't let him turn on the TV. When my dad was the one who put everything on the TV. My dad was the one who turned on the TV. I started to see how I couldn't even be at home. He told me, daughter, it's that...

It's that... he's going crazy.

He hit me. I said, you mean he hit you? Yes, daughter. And my answer was very bad. I said, well, I don't care, I'm going to go swallow your son.

What did you say, you son of a bitch?

I said, I'm going to go swallow your son. I said, I'm going to go swallow your son. I said, I'm going to go swallow your son. I said, I'm going to call him. What did you say? I'm going to call him. Yes. That's what I'm thinking. Did your brother use to drink? Yes.

More than marijuana?

Crystal, stone. So your brother was also addicted? Yes, too much. Too much. And why didn't you go with him with a passive?

Like with a passive?

With a passive?

Yes.

With a passive. I'm I was going to get out of there, but they didn't let me.

I went back to the shelter.

I remember that day my mom went to get me and told me that she was going to get me out because my dad was sick. They gave her permission to get me out because my dad was dying. She got me out and told me that she was going to let me go wherever I wanted. was I said no, and I went back to the annex. Because I only had one month left. And I said, yes, I want to continue. I don't want to do drugs anymore.

I feel good.

And...

That compassion with my brother even though he was a drug addict because my mom was always my son even though his son was a drug addict he was fine his son could do whatever he wanted

and that bothered me a lot my brother didn't work since he was a kid. He worked for two or three weeks, and he stayed at home and I told him, Mom, I'm not here to work, I'm going to sell myself.

And my mom would scold him.

And she would demand me. I would say, why do you want me to take care of you if I don't even have children? The same way you should tell your son to do all that, not me. You tell me your brother has children and you don't.

I said, oh, it's because he has children. Well, there's no problem, I can take it. That's why I didn't understand my brother, you know? I never tried to understand him. I don't know if it's the same courage I had. But when my mom left, my brother was very sad with me. I don't know if it's the same anger I had. But...

When my mom left, my brother was very sad with me. Was it only when your mom was there that he was mad at you?

Yes.

And did you ever talk to him about why? No, only... When... Did you ever talk to him about why? No, only... When this thing about my brother happens, that he dies, my dad calls me that day and tells me that my brother had hit him.

I didn't live with my parents. I went to my parents' house to your house. To the mall. I hadn't seen my parents in a long time. How long? Two years.

He just called them and told them that I was okay. ¿Qué es mucho tiempo? Dos años. Solamente les marcaba y les decía que estaba bien. Y pues en esas llamadas cuando yo le marcaba, pues mi papá me dice que mi hermano le había pegado. Fue cuando le digo que me lo iba a tragar y que iba para allá. Mi papá yo creo que nunca me creyó porque siempre le decía que yo iba, iba y nunca iba. My dad never believed me because I always told him I was going and I was going and I was never going. And then that day I started to feel hot in my body. And I said, fuck his mother.

That guy, fuck his mother. And I'm going with my partner to my parents' house. I got there and the first thing I saw was my brother. And he told me, I have something for you. So you can see that I love you too, even though you think I don't.

And he put me in his room and drew me when I was little.

When I was going to kindergarten, he drew me on his wall. I just stared at him and said, Thank you. And I left. I left and tried to concentrate on everything I was going to do. And I left. I spent the night thinking about how I was going to do it. So that they wouldn't realize it was me.

Despite the detail your brother had, you continued with the plan?

Yes.

Nobody touches my dad, you know?

Nothing. What did you plot, Rumi? How it was going to be. How it was going to be? Do you remember what you felt when you were plotting that? I'm trying to understand...

what it gave you to kill.

Because it seemed, or maybe it's an interpretation I'm doing? Tell me if I'm wrong. But it seems that killing you gave you a certain inner peace

that you didn't have. Yes.

I felt that my dad was going to live in peace.

Peace.

That he wouldn't see anyone insulting him. Who would tell him if he turned on his TV, if he ate, if he stood up, if he lay down, if he did what he wanted in his house. It was like you were doing what you interpret as justice for everything that had happened to you. Your brother-in-law hit you and it was bad, your brother, I don't know, but it was that it gave you that emotion,

that feeling of inner peace. Now I will be able to be calm. Now my dad will be able to be calm. Now no one is going to bother me. But it wasn't like that.

No.

But it's so much the desire, right? It's so much the desire that you don't even measure the consequences. I didn't think about his children. And his children are everything to me. Since I don't have children, I always told him. I was jealous, brother. me todo. Como yo no tengo hijos yo siempre le decía a él, me da envidia hermano que

tú tengas a tus hijos. Y me decía, envidia porque? Dijo porque yo no puedo tener. El día del padre, recuerdo que mis sobrinos le estaban marque, marque, marque, marque a mi hermano y yo veía como estaba registrado el número y le decía son tus hijos. I remember my nephews were calling my brother and I saw the number on the phone and I said, they're your kids. Oh no, they have to go to the festival.

And I was like, why are they your kids? I have to go to the hospital.

I'll be right back.

I said, well, I'm going to go see your kids. They're not my kids, but it's like they are.

I'm going to bring them a gift.

And I went to see them. I went to see them, I bought them things. And I told them that all of that was sent by their father. When it wasn't true, their father didn't send them anything. And my nephews tell me, aunt, it's just that at school they tell me that I don't have a father. And it bothers me.

What do I do? And it bothers me. What do I do? And it made me very angry. And I told him, when you go to school, you tell me, I'm going to leave you.

That day I stayed and went to the school for the kids. And I hit the moms of the kids, my nephew was in a bad way. I didn't tell them why, I didn't tell them anything. I got there and I hit them directly. And I told my nephew, from now on, whoever messes with you...

Is going to mess with me.

It's with me. And my niece just nodded her head and said yes. I never thought about them when I did it, you know? That I was going to hurt them.

I thought I was going to leave them without their father.

Did you think about them because you didn't think about them? Or because you thought it was an act of selfishness? Because they never crossed my mind. Because I thought, well, if he doesn't even take care of his kids. Of course.

No.

And I think that what I feel is not right. Yes, I am aware of everything I do. Because yes.

I am aware because Mmm... where I don't know, sometimes I talk to him and I say, why did you do that?

Why my dad? Being able to see so much bastard out there, being able to hit him, why my dad? What do you think he would answer you? His laugh. His laugh that always does that. That he didn't know anything.

That he didn't know what I was talking about. The only thing that I felt that exploded was that he started laughing and said, I felt like it exploded. It was like... She started laughing and said, I don't know what you're talking about. I said, how can you not know who hit my dad? And she laughed and said,

No, I don't know. My yellow cloud exploded. Boom. But that went wrong. My sister-in-law was there. And you didn't know she was there? No. Only when I left did I hear noises inside the house.

And I said, well, my brother is already...

What noise? I said, well, my brother is already... What a noise. I came back and she was under the grandmother's roof. Shaking, crying, I don't know. I couldn't even scream. I was just very scared. And the only thing that happened to me was...

He saw you.

You have to kill her.

I hit her.

You wanted to kill her? Yes, because he had seen me. And you were going to hit her? Or what was yourar? Eso... Pretendí, pero... Pues se me pasó la mano y traté de hacer otras cosas más.

Y no sé si fue por los golpes que quedó inconsciente. O por las otras cosas que le hice, no sé. I was unconscious. Or because of the other things I did to him. I don't know. And I just saw how he convulsed and he stayed all stiff. And I said, that's it. Because for me, time ran by, whoever saw me, I, all that building and everything, well, I lived there for long time, and I have everything.

I know who goes out, how they go out, what time they come in, everything. So I said, time, time, time.

I closed my house and left.

Like at 45? Yes, it wasn't long, I think, I don't know. I don't say anything. I was trying to act calm. They said, hide, we're going to get you out of here. They stopped me at the... through some warehouses, all the way back.

You were hiding there?

Yes.

And I was just waiting for Li to take me with my boyfriend. Where were you going? I don't know, far away. I don't know, I was thinking of going to where Didi was taking me. I said, well, it's giving me a role, but far away from here. I was in an accessory store.

I don't know, they say that sometimes the dead get up. Many things that have been told to me here. That day I felt very, very heavy, very heavy. And I remember I just said, I did it, it's over.

It's over.

And I heard the curtains were knocked. And I said, well, they're my friends.

No, it was the police. It was the police well, they're my friends. No.

The police? It was the police and the investigation. It was the PD. Well, they started throwing all the curtains and they took me out. And yes, I tried to tell them that I hadn't been there. I started crying. Were you afraid to get here? Were you afraid to come here?

Were you afraid to come here? No. Or why were you crying? I was crying because I wanted them to believe that I hadn't been there. And the police officer comes and tells me I was in my house. And he said, well,

he said, why are you crying? I said, because of the news he gave me. I want to go to my brother's house. And he said, well,

why are you crying?

I said, because of the news he gave me.

I want to go to my brother's house. And he said, well, why are you crying? I said, because of the news he gave me. I want to go see my brother.

And they hit me.

I said, I don't know what. And they said, you're cold, do you want to go check your body? What did you think when you were putting together that scene? What was going through your head? ¿Quieres ir a verificar el cuerpo? ¿Qué pensabas cuando estabas armando ese... ...ese escena? ¿Qué pasaba por tu cabeza? Pues...

¿Porque arrepentimiento o no?

No.

Era...

Que mi cuñada se quedara con el pedo. Ah, claro, que ella fue... My sister-in-law was shocked. Of course she was. But it wasn't like that. She was very beaten up.

Too much.

When they arrested me and took her to the police station to make the statement, I came out and... as if I had seen a monster, traumatized. He got up from his chair, ran away, and grabbed my head really hard and said,

what? What did I do?

Well, in his head there was a monster, right?

Or not?

Well...

I mean, if we look at her shoes, she saw how you killed her boyfriend.

Yes.

And then how you wanted to kill her. I mean, in her eyes.

Yes.

Can you understand that or not? Well, yes, I put myself in her shoes. ¿No lo puedes entender? Mm-hmm. When she declares against you, do you confess or do you hold on until you have been? No, I had not gone because there is supposed to be no weapon. They have no evidence, they have no videos, they have no way to prove that we were at that time. Your partner is also in jail?

Yes.

And well, there's nothing to prove. Only the last person they saw with my brother was her. Even so, you're here. How long have you been here? A year and seven months. And have you been sentenced? Yes. I'm not sure. The day of my sentence, this girl was there. My sister-in-law. Apparently, I was traumatized. She didn't want to see me. She got really upset.

I don't know if she was pretending,

or if she really was like that.

What do you think? Answer that question yourself.

What do you think?

I think he was driving him crazy. Why? Well, I'm telling you that what happened to my dad wasn't good because...

My dad is living on the street.

Right now he's in a situation on the street? Yes. They left him on the street to help me. And my dad chose the street, you see? You see why I wouldn't do anything for my dad? Now you're telling me about your dad,

but think about why you think your sister-in-law did it for show. Because they took my dad's apartment. My dad told me that she had come to steal the day my brother was in jail and all that. That she had emptied the house.

And on the day of my sentence, she was dressed in my clothes. That's why I say it was... fake. Also because my sister showed up. After six years, she has a family again. On the day of my sentence, my sister, my sister-in-law and my mom were there. On your own?

Yes. Did your mom and sister-in-law and my mom were in the police station. Against you? Yes. Did your mom and sister-in-law testify? Yes.

What did they testify?

They said they were in the facts when? When it's not true.

They lied a lot of things that they didn't.

And then my sister touched the subject of... Because I had also been in a relationship because of her husband.

And it's when I see there like,

I said no, that's it. Yes, they already tarnished you from an aggressive person. Yes. In fact, you know, I had gone out for this crime. I had already gone out. For your brother's murder? Yes.

There at the door they returned me again.

My sister was there, the ministerial staff and everything.

How was it? Did they arrest you? Did they tell you, you're free? Look, I'll tell you. I was here for my brother. I was only there for three days.

Of those three days, they gave me an audience here through this... Video call.

Through the web. And that's where the judge granted me my freedom because there's nothing against me. They didn't find anything. Nothing, not even neighbors who said

that they saw me leave. Nothing. There was nothing. They gave me a medical certificate. And I left. They gave me my freedom sheet, which the ministers outside broke. And they cheated on me with my sister.

She told me I was going to die. And they took me back to the truck and took me to Ecatepec. and and they told me it was the same. I told them I couldn't be in jail for the same crime if they gave me my absolution. Well, they took me to some huge trials. I felt like I was in Harry Potter, really, because they were huge.

I said, I'm in. I got out of there because I had already had my freedom. And everyone would pass by and say, she's the one from the homicide. And many would pass by and take pictures of me. Too many pictures, data, everything.

And everyone would say, it's her, it's her. And I would get scared and say, I was scared. I thought they were going to put something else in me. I can't imagine how bad it was. They made me do the piano again, but in all my hands. They left me there for a few days in the galleys and they returned me here. For the same crime. What do the lawyers say about that? They say that they are going to sue me. I spent a few days in jail and they brought me back here. For the same crime.

What do the lawyers say about that?

Well, look, my family is buying everything because I'm staying here. There's really no one out there to help me get lawyers. Nothing. My dad does come to me. He doesn't come to see you? No, they denied my visit. Because he's your victim's father?

Your brother's? Yes. So he's a victim automatically? And that's why he can't come?

Yes.

My dad wanted to get the pass, but they say that since he's the father of the oxygen, he can't come. Hey, and what's your dad's situation right now? You told me he's in a street situation, but... I don't know. You can't talk to him, I imagine.

No.

Not just a girl, who is from where I live, well... Tell me.

Her mom tells her.

The other time, I got 100 pesos. I said, oh, my dad. I said, oh my dad, even though he's like this, he does anything for sending me something. And I'm very grateful for that. It's like, Rubio, it's like the formula in your story...

Something that I've been thinking a lot about since we started talking is... When does it become okay to kill someone to solve a conflict?

There were so many means before, but... No? What do you think happened in your life so that the answer didn't do anything, for example, with your twins. When did it become a solution to take action on the matter? Because you agree with me that it was your father, but the next one was going to be your mother. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. What is it that I always want to read? And what do you think is what I always ask to read? Cain and Abraham, if you can imagine. I don't know, I feel... that despite everything, they how to forgive him.

I want to see if that forgiveness can be with my mom.

Would you like your mom to forgive you? Or you to forgive your mom? Yes, of course. Who would have to forgive first? You or her? I don't know. To a yaoi a tea It's not me you're gonna be lazy in show I know See to be a sato mama in front a killer

Was gonna put up for a I'm sorry for having f***ed you.

It was a mistake.

I regret it.

Do you regret it? Yes. Do you regret it from the bottom of your heart or because you're here?

Or is that the question we need to analyze? No, not really analyze to be nice, I just...

I want to forgive, you know?

I'm not the kind of person who says, I forgive you and... I'm like... If you forgive, it's not for free.

And...

Well, I do regret it because I'm here, because my brother is gone, because of the situation I left my dad in. That's why I regret it. What about your your life here? I work here. I do everything. I work as a mason. I do everything to get a coin.

I don't feel like I have to work because I've been working all my life. For me it's normal. It's just that here it's not very well paid. Yes, the prison doesn't have the best jobs.

Yes, yes, yes.

Your boyfriend? Nothing anymore? Yes, I don't have any contact with him anymore. Is he here boyfriend? No? Yes, I don't have any contact with him anymore. Is he here? No, he's in...

The relationship is over. Does he deserve to be in jail?

No, I don't think so. No?

No.

You deserve to be here. Well...

I don't know.

Sometimes I feel like...

Well...

I don't know what to think. I don't know if to think. I don't know if he's okay, if he's sick. If I'm here, maybe because I'm paying for what I did.

But... No.

None of this worries me, you know? Everything is a beach. No. and that they tell him no, well, it hurts. Ruby, thank you. Thank you for the courage, even with the nerves and everything, to have told your story. It's clear to me that with your story, things are not black and white.

There's a lot of gray. Yes. Thank you. You leave me thinking, story But when you have them, look for me, maybe in a few years, and we'll see how these thoughts are settled. and we'll see how these thoughts are settled. Thank you, Ruby.