The Caleb Hearon Episode | Fear&

He really thought he stuck that shit.

I did!

That's why when you guys started talking about hugs, I was like, sitting here like, okay.

My compliment is in route.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I wonder if my hug was good.

I fucking nailed that hug, yeah. The whole podcast is on, patting himself on the back like, I think I nailed that social interaction an hour ago. So we're wearing a Chiefs jersey in that picture?

Um, yeah, this is me, unfortunately.

You a Chiefs fan?

He's a frontrunner.

He's a bandwagon fan.

I was doing-

Drag him for it.

He's a Vikings fan.

This makes me sick. Diehard Vikings fan. drag him for it. I was a Vikings fan. This makes me die hard Vikings

You can drag

Why are you wearing that? Oh, well, it's it was for the Super Bowl Taylor Swift I was at a Taylor Swift theme party and I had no choice but to wear the Chiefs jersey. Oh, that's I know It makes me sick. I'm so sorry. I'm a Minnesota Vikings fan die hard. Oh, I would Hacker's jersey, I would just never betray my team like that, but it was, it didn't feel like a betrayal because the last time we played them in the super bowl was like in the sixties and seventies.

Completely fair. Can I ask you a question? Yes, sir.

I know you guys, the chiefs won quite a bit, you've lost a little bit? No, it's horrible. I liked the bandwagon. I thought it was awesome that people liked us, actually.

My whole life we were horrible. So when people were excited about us,

I was like, I don't care if you're fake.

I'm happy to have you. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to another episode of the Fear Ann podcast, where we have one of the most anticipated guests in Fear Ann history, Caleb Herron. Yes! Hello. Thank you so much for joining us. It's such a pleasure to have you.

And we heard Hasan told you nothing about our podcast. Well, no, that's not true. Here, I could have done, I've gotten too lax. I could have done any amount of research.

I told him the name of the podcast.

Yes. Which is all you need.

The reason that you guys are bringing this up is because I walked in here and said I before of us. Yeah, right. And that's true. Sometimes five. Sometimes five.

Yeah.

We have another guest.

There is another.

Now, how do you guys know each other? Well, Hassan, he was really a struggling artist when he first entered the Twitch platform. And I said, you know what? His Twitch contacts said, you need to come to a guy that can help elevate your platform. So he came to me and I helped him I helped him out

Entirely made up and Caleb this man worked so hard and he got to where he's at and I've been riding his fucking coattails Will and I have a Mutual best friend a best friend that he grew up with became my best friend friend in college, who is a real life con man, which is really cool. Yeah. Like he actually is.

I wonder if he has ever seen you calling him a con man.

I mean, it's true. But anyway, he like runs like a private jet charter service sometimes. I don't want to like dox him. But but like I suspect that he is like an actual real life comment. Now, you guys, did you guys ever watch that? The was it in sync's manager, the documentary about him?

Oh, like it was in sync or Backstreet Boys. He was he was a talent manager and he's like, we talked about on the bottom. His side business was that he like ran blimps. Oh, he like, yeah, he was like, he was like a curly mustache. Oh, he may as well. If he was a big fat guy and he was like stealing money from the children and running limbs.

Oh my God.

He was like, oh, I remember this. I think we covered this.

Yeah, we did.

We covered it on the pod. What do you like money believer? Like he was just like, the instinct stuff is great. It's fine. My passion is blimps. He's like he wanted to bring it back. The future is a balloon! He wanted to like, he's like, ever since, ever since the disaster, I won't even say it. I won't even say it.

I'm not going to invoke its name.

Yeah, I'm not going to bring it up. But ever since then, like the luxurious method of travel has been eradicated.

I'm pro-blimp. Do you think that makes me naturally predisposed to evil? I mean, yeah.

It's a scheming ass thing. It's like, yeah, you're right.

Is it transit?

I've always wanted to ride a blimp and tie a woman to train tracks.

I've never had a desire to fly in a blimp, really. It's too slow.

I don't want to go up in pretty much anything.

Really?

When people do like small planes and helicopters. I'm like, I've seen, I've seen the writing on the walls with that stuff.

I mean, but you do like to fly and he's been very excited to talk to you about

it. Caleb, you have no idea how finally I am seen on this podcast because they make fun of me. Cause I also share your passion for Delta airlines. Thank you. I am a frequent flyer. I love companies. Yes. Yes. Me too. We all spend so So does he.

Yeah, especially he won't tell anybody.

Yeah.

But you know, I despise companies.

He loves companies.

The guy.

Yeah.

He's a big investor.

Yeah. Fortune 500 company.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I don't like all companies. Just Raytheon. North of Grumman. Yeah, I go out there, I go on stream, I start talking about how evil they are. Stock prices go down for a little bit. Boom. Buy low, sell high.

I'm a simple man. I like a quality missile. Yeah. OK, so you share a passion with me with Delta Airlines. And also I found something that I wanted to talk about and I wanted to confront them on it. OK, because they gave me shit. Three years ago, there was a clip that went, you know,

semi viral in the community and it was them confronting me on the fact that I flew boys

out in coach and I was talking, I was, I was, I have a lot to say about this.

I have a lot to say about this.

He's gonna drag you down with you. Don't do it, Caleb.

I have a lot to say about this.

Please, please, let's jump in.

It depends on where you are in the relationship.

Okay, okay.

If it is a first time hookup, meetup situation,

coach is appropriate.

Sure.

Is my opinion. Okay. But it's always street twinks. No street twinks. It's always street twinks. This is not. You're cheap. You're cheap as fuck. You are. You're cycling the street twinks out at the time. Not anymore. Street twinks is crazy. Crazy. That's a crazy thing. You intended your term. It's your term. Why are you behaving like this in front of Caleb? This is all my fault. I like this.

He's putting on airs.

He's putting on airs. First time we've had a gay man on the podcast

other than me.

Is that true?

It's true.

Well, we had a drag queen on.

They don't count. The Luscious Massacre. But I was like, I uh, you know, we had eight of them, but he's bisexual. That doesn't count. I mean, it's different than the gay guy. Exactly. They're a beautiful part. And I do love

that instead of choosing to bond on that first, it was Delta Delta.

I'm a Delta airlines diamond medallion member before I mean anything. That's right. Before I'm a medallion member before I'm anything. That's right. Before I'm an American, a Christian, a gay man. Yes.

But what's crazy, Caleb, is that they did this to me. And for years, I have been coined as the, I've gotten messages of people, like I'm a fucking airline.

Yeah.

Being like, I'll fly coach.

I'll fly economy. Oh, so bad.

Oh, that must be so hard on you. Oh, my lungs are too buttery. My feet too juicy. Bad bitches keep DMing me.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

There's too many baddies in my DMs

that want to get flown out.

He's trying to flex on you.

Have you noticed that?

How do I fuck everybody?

Have you noticed that?

He's trying to flex on you?

Oh, there's a guy in my neighborhood who he's like 67 years old like I'm pretty pretty old out of my window for sure. He messaged me every day for weeks Hello. Hello. Hello, and I didn't I don't want to block him because that feels mean but I also didn't want to respond dude They're not wanting to fuck him at all. Yeah, and One day he messaged me. Hola And then he never messaged me again And I can't stop thinking about him

I mean the Ola Hail Mary is great. You gotta think he woke up that day was like, oh my god. He's Mexican

He thought the language That's why you're not responding. Why are you thinking about maybe just throwing it out there,

just seeing what happens?

I'm just interested in the mentality of being like, oh my God, Mijo. Like him being like, oh, he's Mexican. That's why he doesn't want to fuck.

You know?

Dios mio.

Sometimes I do this where I'll get messages every once in a while. forgotten the pay pigs? Uh, no. Okay, well sometimes... Or at least I don't know about that. Well, people will message and say, take my money, take my money, take my money, and I just think it'd be...

You've noticed the trend, right?

Austin, Austin, wait, wait, wait.

Austin, wait, wait, wait.

This is not actually...

Things are actually looking a little fucked up now.

He's like, hey, guess what? Hotties are DMing me all the time. They want to be flown out in an economically sound fashion. And on top of that, I got people throwing my money. You're getting paypigs, I promise you.

It's a cross.

What is their thing?

I forget their thing.

They like to be financially dominant.

This isn't a flex though, because Austin famously had the world's cheapest pay pig.

No, no, cheap for him. His boyfriend was cleaning the pay pig out.

Wait, what?

Okay, so.

So just for a frame of reference, a pay pig is someone who's erotic fetish is that you financially dominate them by making them give you money.

Yeah, he wants to be dominated. He's like, I'm not saying she, cause usually it's a he.

Please, you know, sir. And then you'll be like, shut up, bitch. I need money for a necklace.

And it makes me uncomfortable.

Correct. They like it. So Austin, very famous.

He had the world's cheapest pay pay.

Yeah. He would like negotiate. Who asked? Who asked? Yeah, he was like So I did this guy and I'm like, you know what I'm gonna fucking try it out to see what this

Okay, I go alright, you know, alright, how about 50 bucks. He's like, sir, sir, I only have five.

Well, then don't message me.

That's what I said. So I found this guy who's broke as shit.

And I'm like, if you're a pay pig, you better be financially secure.

There's nothing wrong with being broke, but you can't get money off of giving me your money.

Yes, exactly.

I have some olive garden.

So we found out, but then we found out he was actually dumping money on, on his boyfriend said that I stole his pay pig and then we found out he was actually giving him money. He was giving him a lot of disgusting, evil, gay empire.

You and your

the same

you've got what, street twinks?

Is that what we're running with?

No, no, no.

He keeps messaging me and I'm not, Caleb, I've hung it up, I'm not.

I've hung up the pay check.

I'm not doing it.

He tried once, it failed, he's hung it up. If you're listening right now,

I'm closing the operation down. There's no more financial domination. You and your boyfriend Peter Thiel, putting these twinks out of fucking house and home,

running these gay scams, leave these kids alone.

No, no, no.

There's no scam. They like it. He is a schemer.

He is a scammer and a schemer.

This is true.

Oh my gosh.

Lost game immediately. No, I'm glad you're gay because I actually, when I came in here, I clocked the pride flag and I was like, there better be some real allyship going on.

Yeah.

No, no, I'm a foe. I'm an enemy.

Of the queer community?

Yeah.

Yes.

Okay. Famous.

Just want to make sure we have that. I like to famously say that over and over again. Yeah. And as of late, people have actually started believing it. Unfortunately.

Hey Austin.

Hey Will Neff.

I heard you've been thinking about selling your jingles.

Of course I have.

Well, have you heard about Shopify?

You know what I have, but I need you to tell me more about it.

I can tell you right now that millions of businesses. Millions?

Oh yes.

Wow. Around the world,

they use Shopify to sell their products online. Oh, and Will, I understand you have some products

that you like to sell online.

That's correct, I sell hot sauce.

Hot sauce, how do you do it?

Well, I use Shopify.

Selling things online is pretty intimidating.

Yes, it is.

Especially when you're doing jingles. 100%. That's why they have a 24 hour help section that you can access to streamline your process.

Incredibly helpful.

I know it is.

Because I'm lost without help.

What would a Spotify jingle sound like?

Well, it's time to turn those what ifs into cha-ching. Sign up for your $1 per month trial today at shopify.com slash fear. Go to shopify.com slash fear. That's shopify.com

slash fear. Cha-ching! You didn't scat at all. Alright! Shopify, Shopify, sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh It's really going after you. It's it's the kind of like weaponized mobilize They're the allies that are like I don't think people would like this and it's like well

I don't need to speak with you. You aren't even a part of this right right out of here. Yeah

Yeah, this is the this is the new thing that happened we went on I've had it. Are you familiar with this podcast? I've had it with

I like those ladies. Yeah

Little bit, but I like them. Yeah, they're fantastic. And they used to be a lot more lived up back in the day when we first had them on this podcast on fear and like a couple of years prior. They definitely were more like, oh, you know, I'm I'm curious about this left thing, but I'm like a Hillary, you know, Kam Hakeem Jeffries, the task and all this stuff. So we had this, we were having a conversation on the podcast and it was super

viral on Twitter. That's what I was telling you about when I said, Oh, I'm getting canceled. Yeah. Yeah. And you were like, Oh,, you know, match up 2028 Gavin Newsom versus JD Vance. Like, are you voting for Gavin Newsom? And I was like, no, I'm not. Fuck no. Yeah. I was like, I'm voting third party at that point. It's like it's a lost cause is outside of my control. You know what I'm voting third party and they've been like demanding fealty nonstop and in the process of demanding fealty for Gavin Newsom three years out from

this fucking hypothetical election when he's not even running right?

Oh he's running.

I don't know buddy. I mean he's running but like he's not he's running but he's not officially running because there's no primaries yet. Right.

But we don't even have to have those anymore. Yeah. Don't worry, that's a thing of the past

on the Democratic side. It worked out really well last time, so they were like, let's revamp that. Basically what everyone's been saying is like you just want like every Mexican to die, you want trans people to be assassinated,

like you love ICE, you love Donald Trump, you love all this, And I'm just like, it's true about you. Yeah. So now I'm like, yeah, I, I, this is what I like. Yeah. The, the three years out from election telling me I'm, I also don't want to vote for Gavin Newsom. He just declared like fucking Ronald Reagan day in California. This motherfucker wants to be a Republican so bad. Let him, I don't like this guy. I think his haircut sucks. I don't like his suits. Trickle down economics worked, man. Fuck this guy.

Yeah.

Wait, so you're in trouble about this? So yeah, a lot of the liberal, it's not really, I would say it's not like real trouble because you're out there, you talk to people, you travel the country. I'm sure you've probably also noticed

that people are coming around to our worldview a little bit more, I would say, and in very unique places, like Barbaras and Deborahs are out there, you know, telling ICE agents to fuck off. It's like 65 year old white ladies and stuff in the suburbs. And there's a lot of discontent for the Democratic Party in general.

And I think that's because they realize like, oh, these guys are controlled opposition. They're not doing shit like we want someone who does shit. Right. And so it's not a real it's not real anger and resentment. It's just a bunch of like DNC, DNC adjacent content creators who just like really want to get the bag from the Democratic Party.

So they're like trying to hold on to this like grip of influence that they have over the consultant class. But it's popping on Twitter, yeah. Also, the thing you were saying about Barbaras and Deborahs hating ice and coming around, I, what I kind of want people to understand,

not you guys, but people who might not know, is this is actually a return to form

for the middle of the country.

Yes. If you, there's a book good book. And it's about Kansas, but like that's when I grew up in Missouri, I grew up in like a very working class, like rural area. Everyone fucking hated rich people and cops only in the last like 10, 15 years has there been this weird, like we love the police. Like the president is awesome and should be a billionaire. Like this is a very I think a momentary psychosis were experiencing And the return to form is actually that working people fucking hate ice and billionaires like that actually is a thing that did exist before

Like 2008 in places like Missouri, and it was a purple like a bellwether state I just think momentary psychosis, and we'll step out of it soon. I'm really yeah, it's political polarization It's the way that the media works now. Like there was always interests that were totally separate in the country. Like a Democrat in the North had different interests than a Democrat in the South.

Sometimes maybe not so great, you know. But now if you are living in a rural area, your things that you vote for are basically aligned with like a right-winger in Orange County at this point, like in the suburbs or even in the city. And that's definitely new.

Well, they have the exact same needs in those two areas.

No, but that's what it is. No, it's- Kidding. Their media diet is the same, basically. And they have... It's this grand design where both parties are fighting over culture war narratives.

So it's easier to bracket yourself on one side over the... Instead of the other. And that's why I try to return to this labor-focused approach and class-focused approach in politics, which the Democrats do not represent at all right now, and they are very actively trying not to represent right now Yeah, I mean I can't talk about a lot of places But I know Missouri very well

And it just is like shocking to me that Republicans continue to win in places like this like Republicans since 2002 have controlled the house and the Senate that entire time in Missouri and most of the time the governorship. I think maybe there's a Democrat for one term. And Missouri is doing very badly. Rural hospitals are closing. Family farms are being shut down because they're giving huge subsidies to corporate farms.

Like things that you would think would really mobilize people to vote against Republicans. In Missouri, like, progressive ballot initiatives will win by 14 and 15 points on the same ballot

as Trump winning by 23 points

Yeah, does the left just need to like bring Jesus over or something like that? I don't I don't think it could hurt I'm just like, you know, maybe a little maybe well, you know, we could bring him over to our side I think it's a candidate issue that they continue to try and in places like Missouri, they continue to try and run, not quite Gavin Newsom types, but like centrist moderates to try and win the middle instead of running someone. I mean this, you know, I'm not saying anything we don't know, but running someone really fucking interesting. Run a leftist bartender and fucking like someone that can talk to people.

And it's, it has, if the issues are winning by 14 points and then there's a 37 point swing in the candidates, then you have a fucking candidate problem. Yeah, we just saw this. We saw this with Texas. There was a special election in Texas, a union organizer won up like Trump plus 35 district. It's pretty crazy, but it happens.

And the reason why he won is because he was a labor-focused candidate. Like he was focusing on the real bread and the kitchen table issues as Democrats like to call it. But like it was a class first. It was a class first campaign and he won. So I think there's an opportunity there. The Democrats have completely left

those territories. They've they've decided like we should waste no money here. Like there is no reason to even have a infrastructure here to try and win elections. And if we do, we'll just put like Amy McGrath's over and over again, you know, like a, like a person who just goes on and is like, I am, uh, you know, I am going to be marginally less racist than the Republican candidate in a racism election. And then everyone's like, okay, well I prefer the racism one.

So I prefer the, I used to be, I don't like diet racism. I used to be really lived up before I met him and it's taken a few election cycles, but it's so annoying to hear people, him get criticized for just like not saying he'd vote for Gavin Newsom or saying he wouldn't vote for Gavin Newsom when they're just like, oh guys, we need to move to the middle. We need to be in the middle. And it's like, no motherfucker, you're moving to the right, right? Is what you're doing.

And it's been this thing after election after election. It's like 2016 Trump was running on build the wall. And then in 2024 we're building the wall now and we have a tougher immigration plan and things like that. And it's been really frustrating to see. So it's, you know, for me personally, my, I've seen this, uh, sort of political evolution in my own family and like people like, I don't understand where, you know, Newsom's political instincts are when you have people, my mom is like inter sixties,

my dad's in his late sixties and you have, these are like the core of your, you know, voter base and you see them now shifting to this sort of, uh, you know, uh, to, to what, you know, the left is saying about and being sick with the establishment and everything

like that.

Yeah. I think someone like a Gavin Newsom is so entrenched in like doing business as usual. And the narrative around someone like a San or anybody who will advocate for policies like a San is that that is impossible. That is a pipe dream. And you need to like you need to ascribe to this way of doing politics because it will

be that way of doing politics. And if you ascribe to anything more progressive than that, you're signing on for failure. And that narrative is like so strong. And you look at it when he won't. It's so bizarre that how much he received for not saying a fealty pledge for a candidate

that's not even a candidate yet. You know what I mean? Like it's so bizarre, but you can see that kind of like infrastructure working to be like, don't ascribe to that. It's a, you're signing up for death, you'll lose.

It's not a good sign. You're not very confident in your candidate if you're doing this three years out. Yeah. Like harm reduction, harm reduction. You have to you have to vote for whoever we decide is the best candidate. But one of the things that a lot of people don't understand that you just brought up that I think is also important is that they think like, oh, we have to get a left candidate

because people like myself won't vote. That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying you have to get a left candidate because there are plenty of people who don't vote who you have already decided are right wing or right wing voters or the moderates or whatever that will go out and vote for a left candidate.

It's not just people like myself. It's not the activist base of the party that are reliable Democrat voters or have been reliable Democrat voters over and over again, but are now feeling like they're not, they don't have a place in this party. It's actually just the largest chunk of non-voters that would be motivated to go out and vote.

Wasn't Trump able to speak to these people? Like there's so many people that were able to, that got off the couch or whatever to vote for Trump because, you know, for whatever reason, a lot of these people were Bernie voters beforehand and they went on that Bernie to Trump pipeline. I know several. That is such a crazy pipeline. But it's because they, you know, Bernie, like, unfortunately, it was like the anti-establishment, you know, appeal to the anger that rightfully people feel about their position in life in

this country. And yeah, Bernie was successful at it for, I believe the right reasons. Obviously Trump's a racist and transphobic,

et cetera, et cetera. But.

Well, he wasn't in 2016. He was woke. Was he? Yes. Trump literally said Caitlyn Jenner could piss in whichever bathroom she wants as long as she pisses in Trump Tower. Which is a bar, by the way. That is a bar, unfortunately. We have to contend with how awesome he sometimes accidentally is.

But that was 2016 Trump. And even in like, by 2024, he was like, you guys really love when I talk about trans people. It's strange, I don't understand it. I can talk about tax cuts, you go, oh yeah, sure. I talk about trans people, you go crazy. He added that onto his arsenal later on, because in such a short period of time, in a relatively

short period of time over the course of this last decade, Republicans have really decided this is the number one thing that they can attack, because they never stopped their relentless focus on singling out trans people, attacking trans people over and over again, even though they're a tiny, minuscule percentage of American society. And I think there is a real opportunity now to turn around and say,

hey, you banned the 49 transgender athletes from NCAA with executive decree. Good job, boys.

Yeah, do you feel better?

Do you feel like your rent, is your rent cheaper now?

Do you feel like you can buy groceries now? You can always tell when Trump's heart isn't in the bigotry because it's like that with the trans people. He's like, you guys love it, I don't know why. And there was a clip I loved of him, unfortunately, where he was talking about Pete Buttigieg. And he was like, he rides his bike with his husband

to work every day, which in fairness, seems like a loving relationship. He couldn't even do the homophobia for the base. He had to be like, they seem happy.

He was yearning. He was yearning.

He wants it bad.

I really shouldn't like it, but I do.

And I think, I think I've seen you also have a similar theory as well. I am a firm and committed believer that Donald Trump is asexual, bi-romantic. Sure. And that if he had the, if given the opportunity of things, if he was like accepted by like

polite society, elite liberals in New York when he was growing up as a slumlord, um, he would have just become a Broadway music producer. Like he would have been a Broadway musical producer and he would have maybe even, you know, entertain that stuff. That's what I think.

Wow.

Hey, Wilneff. Yeah. What is the pettiest thing you've ever asked somebody money for?

Oh, the pettiest thing I've ever asked someone money for? Clogging my toilet.

Really? Really?

Who did it?

You. I remember that. No, I remember that. I remember that. No, I remember that. I remember that it was after an evening I had eaten a very large bean burrito. Yes.

Right. And just very, very queen blizzard. And it was just it

was said, we'll watch this and you

don't. Yes, yes, yes. It was a weapon of mass destruction. And you sent me a cash app request for a rotor. request. For a Roto-Rooter. Yes, for a Roto-Rooter. Yeah.

It was several hundred dollars and I paid you via Cash App, which is my favorite app to send and receive money. Let me tell you, ladies and gentlemen, one of the coolest things about Cash App is that you can design your own debit card. Isn't that unbelievable? I'm tired of my boring looking debit cards. No, it's bullshit. It's flimsy and it sucks. You can pick from a bunch of different colors and patterns.

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slash legal slash podcast for full disclosures.

How do you feel about this theory?

I think...

Because you say Trump is gay. Trump is culturally... There's no doubt about it. Like culturally, the guy is one of the gayest people. He's gayer than I, like, he is like so gay. Yeah, it really is crazy. There's like, there's like, people are taking videos like once a week outside the white house of they can hear from the streets, him blaring Phantom of the Opera. It's a homosexual president. Yeah.

Yeah. I don't know. I think the, yeah, I think the, the problem with him really is and has been that he is just so goddamn charismatic and the left can't seem to find anyone that can doesn't the left can't find someone to carry a charisma and a fucking bucket. And he just has it by the pound. He's an interesting guy to listen to. He can talk to anybody, even though he's like kind of lost his sauce, especially in comparison to like 2016. If you ever look back at his commentary in 2016 versus now, like he's definitely lost the sauce a little bit. He's he's lost

his fastball is yeah. It's nowhere near as good as it used to be, but he can, he is still objectively better than the average, the average Democrat at like not coming across like a fucking robot that got all of their talking points from a think tank moments prior to going on that stage.

Also, I know we moved past it a little bit, but the idea that you were talking about, about like people being like, well, that'll never, when they're talking about leftist candidates and they're like trying to force compliance

with their centrist, like candidate of choice, eight years ahead of the fucking election or whatever. Gavin Newsom being the one right now, they always be like, Oh, well we could, we couldn't, we couldn't possibly win. And it's like if you talk to any organizer worth their salt, and I'm certainly not talking about me,

I'm talking about organizers I like actually admire and respect mostly tenant organizers. The belief in a better future and the hope that we actually can have a better world is the most core principle. Like I can't keep talking to these fucking centrists that are like, well, that'll just never happen. It's like, then why talk to you at all? Yeah. Why would I ever talk to you about the world? What are you doing this for? Right. That's what I always ask them. It's like I've talked, cause I've had the opportunity to talk to capitulate to right wing positions. Right. What's the point? What's the fuck? What the fuck is the point?

Why not lose with some fucking class and style? Like, let's lose and like, say what we mean. Yeah, exactly.

If that's truly what's going to happen, let's lose and be. But they don't, but they don't want that. That's the whole point. Like they actually don't want that. this current predicament and hope that they never actually like win enough power that they have to do something because then if they do things that they promised Then they disrupt that I mean they harm their corporate benefactors and their bottom line and they can't do that, right? They don't want to upset the corporate donors. They don't want to be a billionaire friends They don't want to set their own pipeline to like very well-paid lobbyists Yeah, they that if they ever actually had to make good on the things they're like that's why they keep holding abortion over everybody's heads

Yeah, is there like oh well abortion abortion abortion. It's like that's the only thing you have for us Yeah, eventually working people's lives are gonna have to get better. Yeah Joe Biden won. Okay, but did anything get bet like it's gonna have to get better for people. Yeah Yeah, it's not precisely the reason why Trump is is a far worse version of himself now Than he was in 2016. Yeah, it's, I think there's also, there's also other sides of this, like that don't touch on the material, I guess,

but you know, accountability, like actually punishing previous administrations. I think like any Democrat that runs on a message like that will probably also be able to win big too. Do You think so? I think there's an appetite for a lot of the Barbaras and the Deborahs for sure. Really, Hasan, you really think that if someone, I don't know if I agree, you really think that someone...

I think that's one part of the message. I kind of think avoiding that part is maybe the way, because I think I'd be like, we're going to prosecute Trump. You're like a vulgar Marxist. Like you're a class first. You're like, no, fuck any of this other shit. Like, you know, if we punish them, we punish them.

But the reality is get into the bread and butter, only talk about improving people's material conditions. I think so. I mean, that's what I base my strategies around.

Now, by the way, if I got elected would there be punishment on the other end maybe Yeah, but why campaign on every single thing I'm gonna do I just want to talk about like rent hospitals farms Would you ever run the fuck? No, someone like me should not be in office. Why not? Because I'm Attention-hungry comedian that's the fact that people want me to run is the problem. Yeah, I'm like no guys I'm not the guy. Go elect an organizer. I feel this way too, because I feel I share the same feeling about myself in terms of, do you feel like nobody's asked me to run?

No, he, me neither. I won't do it either. He wants to run.

I will. But, but, but, but the thing is, is I do find myself dreaming of the, the, the, the attention and the power yeah

Yeah, but I but I feel like I would serve the people well wanting to run is no I don't know that you would run it running. You don't think so No, the fact that you want to is disqualifying We need to go find organizers who have no desire to be in office and in bag Beg and force them to like George Washington the best organizers I know would rather die than run for office, and that's the exact reason they should be our candidates

You know what I like that, but I mean you know I I'm not gonna run, but you would scare me as a politician No, he okay. We have a running gag it's that he is like no day

I do like a little bit of the like they they're they make fun of me because I like you are You are who say? You had a crumb of power Yeah, you would only hire the the sexiest twink staffers you possibly could first of all and you would make them you make them carry

No, you like twinks Yeah, good to know. You and your husband like to take advantage of twinks.

No, that's not true.

No, I'm telling you, he would make them carry his bags everywhere because we got a taste of this when we were in China. We paid a lot of money when we were out in China to go all around the country. everything that we were doing, the logistics and stuff. And I turned over to Austin and I saw this twinkle in his eye where this spark where he was like, this is good.

Can I like I like having people that I do kind of enjoy

when other people carry my bag.

Yeah, this is good.

And I like we had like private chauffeurs, really nice hotel rooms. And like I just was like it was like all put together. And I was like, this is a life I could live. And so I said, should I arrive at immense power? I would sort of, I would do this.

You're a manipulator, dude, I can tell. But, even the way a few seconds ago, you go, you look at me with like very sweet eyes and you go, they make fun of me. It's like, you have a very evil kind of undercurrent

about you. No, no, no. I would certainly deliver for the people. Yes, I used to be an ally. I used to call myself an ally. Austin has made me reconsider that. Put him on me, Gaze, for real. I know a very different side of Gaze now because of Austin.

There's a book called Bad Gaze. Have you read it? No. It's about evil Gaze throughout history.

Am I an evil Gaze? I want you to take no, I don't know for sure. Yeah, I think you have it you have a power about you

Who's on that list Caligula Alexander the great?

Who was the first one I read about it was some? I forget who the first one was but it's I've only read like one chapter the greats gotta be on there, right? I would think yeah

Okay, I mean most of those do most of the Ottoman Empire Padi Shastra, they were Caligula was pretty they were fucking yeah Here's some gay theory And now I'm completely- It's falling apart. I'm Uday Hussein, I'm an evil gay dictator. In our defense, you did spend a sizable chunk of the beginning of the podcast talking about

how you and your boyfriend are scamming the same guy

out of money.

Who's broke? Who's broke? Who has nothing?

We're getting him twice. I wanna be clear, it's not a scam

because the guy-

Because he liked it. No. I didn't get more than 50 or 200 bucks out of it. I was there.

I mean, come on.

I'm going to his mother's chemotherapy. I told him, you know, we, I told him, I said, we don't do refunds, but you know, I think I, I, I, he said, sir, I only have $20. You said sell some food stamps.

I don't know what the fuck you need to do, but don't come to me with excuses.

But now look, I will never go into power. I'll probably never run, but

I would be a great politician, but I'm not going to be a sociopath. No, I would not be an incredible politician. Juries out on how good of a public

servant. I think, I think at the end of the day, I do have a good heart underneath all

this material conditions for twinks would become way better in our country.

Oh, if I were to be president, you'd have state mandated douches and all showers. Actually, I'm back on your side. You guys are being a little home. The state mandated douches was a little too far. You guys got comfortable and he pushed it a little too far.

Thank you, that's what I'm talking about.

Here's the problem though, on the inverse is like, strict caloric restrictions on, it has to be bottom friendly diet. No, I tell him this and then he makes it seem as if I'm starving my boyfriend.

Yeah.

Like I'm not.

My boyfriend is-

He's more brolic than you. He's more brolic than you. He's more brolic than you.

Okay.

He's stronger than you.

That's okay.

I'm securing myself.

He's taller than him.

Okay.

Well, slightly.

More handsome, more athletic.

Well, you know- Of the boyfriend also very funny. I love we funny. Do I know this guy? No, I don't think so. He can be that funny He's getting you know, he's just always young With me

24 is a grown man. He's 24 years old. And uh, yeah, no, it's great. We've been dating for two years.

I want to take you off the stand. I'm so sorry that you ended up on trial.

No, no, no, no. We love that. We love cooking. I was like, one of the things that I do is, um, I created this, this narrative around him being a selfish top. Oh, Oh my God. I got to tell you about this. You created discourse. No, he created this discourse and I can't escape it. And it's all over the internet. I'm a bottoms.

I'm a bottoms rights advocate. And I talk about how Austin is, is not a good top, but he's a selfish top.

Has that, have you ever fucked a guy?

No, no, no.

Then I would lay off.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Because he has called me, he has called me a selfish job so often. And first of all, first of all, I, I love to please. I'm eager to please. That's like my number one thing.

And I mean it genuinely. I will say you're not giving a convincing performance. I hate to go back and forth, but it was not a convincing performance. I love to please back and forth, but it was not a convincing one. I'd love to please. No.

No.

I, if I'm not, if my partner's not receiving pleasure, I'm not receiving pleasure.

Again, it wasn't super convincing. It wasn't 100% convincing. Didn't you feel?

What do I need to do?

I need your advice. How do I dispel these selfish topics? He's trying to figure out how to cook people. He's like, come on, tell me. No, it's a secret. But how can I do it?

How do I get out of being a selfish top?

Are you one?

No.

Eating ass is my favorite thing to do. That's beautiful.

Yeah, it's true.

And again, it wasn't super convincing.

I lied.

No, no, no, no, he loves eating ass. Look like the time well that just actually the way you got so passionate right there circled into a new kind of territory for me Where I'm like, I actually believe you and I'm a little like wow Like it's like you you don't enjoy that. Well do anything that needs to be done. I'm a team player, but You like impassionately being like I would do I wish I's an ass eater. Ass eater, I love it. I would describe myself as a dedicated team player

who thrives in a fast-paced environment.

Okay, got it.

Sexually.

Whatever it takes. I want the team to win, no ego. I'm just ready to win.

Real blue collar, lunch man.

Gym rat guy.

Dinner table issues.

He would play on the Patriots.

Asses eaten. is a sport. What? Com-produced. It's a ballast shed. It's the production of com, we're seizing the means.

But I'm the same way though, and I've tried it, the only way I can dispel the rumors of being a self-estopped is talking about my sex life, openly and honestly. And I've had people that don't like their asses eaten,

and so I get in there and I improvise, things. Yeah. To please them. Okay. So we're gonna put a pin in that. Okay. Caleb...

We will get back to that. Don't worry. We will cover that extensively in the Patreon.

Austin, my jaw is killing me. Why is that, Will? Because I'm eating all my vitamins and minerals. Oh my gosh, that is one of the worst things you could do. Everybody knows that contributes to chronic jaw pain.

What?

Yes. Is there an easier way to get all my vitamins and minerals? Of course there is, Will.

Have you ever heard of AG1?

No.

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I wanna put the focus on you quickly because over the last year, you have quickly become my favorite social media creator that whenever I scroll over one of your videos, I know I'm going to laugh. Um, what is your comedic background? Where did you, where did you become so damn funny?

Hassan right when we start talking about me, don't check your Apple watch for me.

Okay.

Okay. It felt bad when they started to buy one.

I thought it was gonna be fun.

Oh no, I'm gonna get so cooked on this. This is what people get mad at me over all the time. I did it because I got a notification because I ordered coffee because I thought you were getting me a cold brew.

Oh.

Oh, is that what you meant by that? Well, let's ask the audience. Okay. Let's ask the audience if you thought I should bring a cold brew. Okay. Wow. I texted, I texted, it's a 9am on a Saturday, by the way. Yeah. I said, I'm Valentine's day. I texted on, I said, you want a coffee? He said, I'm supposed to ask you that. He didn't. I said, got to wake up pretty early to best me brother. Then he sent me a selfie of himself at the gym and said, but ye I recommend Kofax cold brew. If you like that, I said,

let's discuss their breakfast burritos. He said their fire. I won't be partaking though. In what part of that message do you think I was supposed to bring you a cold brew? I was just trying to subtly say I would like a cold brew.

The thing about Hassan that you have to understand, you have to,

you have to ask him multiple times. Sometimes he works.

It's like trying to become Jewish. You have to go to the rabbi multiple times.

Yeah, no, I mean, I, I, he, he doesn't speak back sometimes. Yeah. And I've, I've learned this over our relationship.

Yesterday I stayed here last night and often I don't stay here. But last night... I totally was not meaning to sidestep your question.

No, no, no.

I just got excited to drop this off.

We're going to get back to you in a second. Last night, let's talk friendship. Yeah, you were about to say I'm bad, right? Last night, first of all, I'm in Vancouver. At UBC, I'm giving a talk about American foreign policy. You're at one of your champagne socialist events. Yeah, one of my champagne socialist events.

So unbelievably well-timed, yes.

Yeah, and they're giving me so much, they're throwing money at the stage.

An adrenochrome.

Yeah, so Austin texts me, like a couple days prior to this text message, he's like floating the idea, I think, of staying here. Because normally he doesn't like to stay here. He stays at a hotel. But he was like, Oh, hotels are so expensive. He's like, Oh, hotels are so expensive. He was out of budget this week. Cause it's all start weekend. So Keith sends me a text message when I'm in Vancouver, like, Hey, can I, you know, stay at your place? Can I

stay with you? I was like, Oh, well I'm in Vancouver. Then he said, well, that's crazy. Sounds like the house. He missed it because I didn't know if anyone was here. My mom was here, but I didn't realize. But in any case, he he was like, oh, so can I stay with you the next night? I'm like, sure, of course. I come back. Austin comes in.

Austin goes upstairs to do whatever the fuck he's doing, okay? I yell at him, I'm like, Austin, come down. He comes down, I say, hey, let's watch a movie.

That's sweet.

Thank you.

Isn't that sweet?

I said, hey, can we watch a movie together?

And he said-

It was very sweet, but unfortunately I had plans.

Yeah, and he said, no, I'm going to dinner with my gays.

But I had planned this because normally when I don't when I go when I go to his house The conversation is me talking to myself asking questions that don't get responses

Are you one of these gay guys that only hangs out with other gay guys? Well, yes

Humiliating Revelation that I'm going to dinner with my gaze was a big town. Oh, no name a lesbian my neighbors I have two neighborhood lesbians and their name escapes you right now, but I Mean is openly talked about how he knows I need more

Let me let me explain something. I my best friend is straight. I have straight friends, I have gay friends, but I grew up straight until I was, until I became, until I chose to be gay.

Yeah.

Conversion therapy.

But I live in Portland.

He watched that episode of Arthur where there's gay marriage.

My Portland life is white picket fence, suburb, you know, very like, you know, nice. My LA life is where I get to experience the homosexuality I never did growing up. So I am, I waste no time at straight establishments. I waste no time, many times I don't really hang out

with that many straight people. And I'm like just fully living the gay life that I was deprived of. And he's always trying to take that from me.

Yeah.

With his movies.

It's so funny.

Movies and friendship.

You do have a charisma about you that makes me want to really like you. Like I'm very drawn to you, but then the second I give you a chance to defend yourself against an accusation, you do blow it in like record time.

You're like, do I know a lesbian? No, but I grew up in a neighborhood that was so idyllic and beautiful that when I come to LA, it's just like, you don't really nail it when I give you the shot.

I know, I need to work on it. But anyway, I don't have only gay friends.

I mean, look, I have them.

For sure, yeah.

Yeah, he despises us.

I have female friends.

You know, I have varied friends.

But anyway, back, no, no. Um, to answer your question, I moved. I did improv in college when I was, where'd you do improv? Uh, Missouri state go bears. Okay. And then I moved to Chicago and second city guy. Well, more IO and I had like some of the alt, but I, I, I did a fellowship at second city at cool Um, I was mostly like I owe the shithole hideout like doing like the all yeah stuff And then I moved out here for a bit and I live in New York But my most of my comedy training was just at the theaters in Chicago. That's awesome. Yeah, that's cool. No, I'm uh

I'm not why you like my videos

I'm an improv guy and I'm former stand-up guy and I whenever I watch him, like, God, he is so quick. He must have some kind of comedic training. Cause you're so on the ball. I think one of the funniest clips I've ever seen, I don't know the name of your one cohost, but she, she clocks herself with like a pot of greed card.

Oh, yeah. I was on Drew's podcast. Eating all the pies clip is maybe one of the funniest things. Yeah. There's just some things you say that will never escape you. It's one of like six stories with my fans that they really have latched onto the eating of the pies is a big one. Yeah. I know you just say shit. And you're like, you don't imagine when you're saying it. Cause I run my mouth all the time. I mean, look how I've treated you.

You've been nothing but lovely to me. And then you don't imagine that you're about to say something that will like foundationally change the way you interact with strangers for the rest of your life. Yes. And the pies thing is one of them that I'm like until the day I die, I'm certain that people will be like, not the pies aren't safe. Look who just walked in strangers like I'm a fucking clown. Yeah. But you just don't know. But that, thank you.

That's very, very sweet. Yeah. that's so nice. Yeah, Chicago, shout out to Chicago Improv for real.

I also wanted to talk about the, well, you mentioned the warehouse in Kansas City.

Let's go.

Let's get into it.

Let's go.

Yeah, Kansas City, you're talking about how there's radical politics out there. There's people out there of working class background their very best to fight back against this administration in what centrist liberals would consider woke ways. And there has been a massive success so far. On top of the success in Minneapolis, Minnesota, with ICE finally pulling out of that separate occupation, there's a warehouse that was supposed to be allotted to ice as a, as a detention center.

Yeah. And there were a lot of initiatives you want to go in and talk about. We bullied these fucking losers. Yeah. We bullied these fucking losers. And now they're not building an ice to tip for now. We have to stay vigilant. I mean, you can't, you can never, you claim your victories when you get them,

but we have to like stay on top of it. But yeah, they, the Kin City City Council passed a moratorium on any,

um, any, uh,

sale of property in the city to the government to be used for detention centers.

And so that helps us with the timeline on that look like, like when they announced their plans to turn versus like when you're, the actions were taken, like what did that pipeline look like?

Not even an announcement by the way. That's the insidious thing is like these this this brokerage that was helping make the sale happen and I'm not gonna mention any names because of Not wanting to get sued but the sure the brokerage that was trying to make this happen They're like big like in the community people that are like a word the Children's Hospital anything safe that they can be like we love The community right they announced no plans Plans it comes out that they're privately brokering a deal to turn a warehouse that was supposed to be zoned for business purposes and warehousing Right, they're gonna turn it into an ice concentration camp and this building is massive There's no reason in any world where a building of that size should be housing human beings

Yeah, regardless of your politics, which is why I think the community got so pissed off is like wait You're telling me we're not gonna get a fucking huge factory with jobs in there We're gonna we're gonna what house People that are being detained because they may or may not have had their papers on them at the moment Yeah, this so anyway, the people who actually have the jobs in America right now, right by the way So I started commenting on their Instagram and then they turn their comments off and then a bunch of us started calling my city councilman

Jonathan Duncan in Kansas City is a fucking awesome He's a he's a lefty like tenants guy But yeah We all started bullying them and then the company put out a statement of course like claiming like we were actually never gonna do that Sale like we were never working with the whatever we were just kidding We're just guys voting it out rumors are untrue And then they had the nerve in their statement to be like our families have had threats

It's like oh are we worried about family safety now boys like really crazy shit But it's funny like someone you're talking about like oh, what would be considered like woke you know The idea that the tenant union is woke is so funny because we organize Trump voters There are plenty of Trump voters that come into the tenant union are like I don't do pronouns, but I don't want to lose my house. And we're like, welcome. Like, that's fine. We'll figure it out together. You know what I mean? Don't worry, you're not in trouble.

That's a lie that you've been told about us. You know what I mean?

It's like a very, very,

I'm not calling anyone they, them.

That's too confusing.

I'm not calling anyone anything. that can't win is just silly. It's like, no, people actually aren't as tied to these big party ideas as they're being made out to be. Things make sense to people when you make them make sense. Yeah, you know what racist people need? Housing.

You know what they need?

Healthcare. Just run on housing and healthcare. That's when people talk about affordability as this big, grand idea. It's like, yeah, know, what's not affordable. It's not fucking TVs at Best Buy. It's healthcare It's education and it's housing if you ran on those three core principles a lot of people who would otherwise

Slot themselves into the other category because they're like well this these guys are not giving me anything But at least these guys are saying trans people are weird And I also think that way are gonna turn around and vote for you instead. They're gonna vote for you.

Speaking of affordability, I famously have a conservative family and I've finally made some inroads.

No!

Finally, with some of them. But the framing is very different. I talk about it through the lens of football because they understand two things in football are happening.

Let's go.

One, the price of hot dogs.

Yeah.

The price of hot dogs is astronomical. And I point to that there is actually a legal precedent that some food within a stadium that is owned by the state needs to be made affordable, right? Because then you've created a monopoly and there's a previous legal case that was decided

where they need to make food items. And the second is fanatics jerseys. I don't know if you know anything about fanatics jerseys, but fanatics jerseys is the perfect way to sell the insidious nature of capitalism because right now every sport F one baseball, football, everything, all the rights to their jerseys are owned by one company fanatics and they are so shitty that some of the players had to lobby to stop

using Fanatics Jersey in gameplay because they would fall apart and fans all fucking hate them. And right now fake jerseys are of a higher quality than the official ones that cost like $300. So sports fans understand now monopolizing in capitalism because of jerseys.

If you know any diehard sports fan, you can communicate to them through jerseys, be like, you know, fanatics? They're like, yeah, that's the issue. That's monopolizing.

I saw a post that's like complimentary to what you're saying that went viral the other day of like a old like Mets like concession stand. Yeah. That was stocked with like a variety of different treats because Americans love treats. Oh yeah. So you can you can convince Americans on on the basis of access to trees and and also the jerseys. They had jerseys for every single player. And that was so fascinating

for a lot of people because they were like, what the fuck nowadays, apparently due to fanatics is like, it's only like just in time manufacturing and also like their endless need to make sure that, you know, they're only selling jerseys that are, that people wanna buy.

They only do like three or four players and then some maybe legendary players as well. But back in the day, they used to sell players jerseys of

every single player. So you could just go and this goes even further right now in the United States, there is only one NFL team owned by the people, which is green Bay, motherfucking Packers and hate him. And you know, the only, you know, the only team that doesn't use fanatic shirts, these, the green Bay motherfucking Packers, because Packers jerseys are still made. They're still made where?

I kinda want one.

And Jordan Love is fine.

And Jordan Love is fine.

Shout out to the Packers.

Their jerseys are still made right in the state at the Reebok factory.

In Wisconsin.

Yes. Oh, Todd, I didn't know that.

Briefly speak, are you a football fan? Yeah. Okay question All right. Can you set your politics aside? if you

Winning you the championship the Super Bowl a Republican. Yeah. Well for sure. I don't have politics. Yeah, whatever But I will say when Harrison Bucker

Does anything other than make a field goal? I go. This is what you fucking get

Yeah, when he misses a field goal, I go, this is what you fucking get.

When he misses a field goal, I go, you stupid bitch, you should have been focused on kicking field goals and not fucking talking about women going to college or whatever the fuck you were doing.

Okay, because as a Vikings fan, I'm like, I don't give a fuck what you are as long as you get at that fucking trophy.

Yeah, it's beautiful. And by the way, this is a unifying message. I don't care. By the way, people don't care. Travis Kelsey was like doing like vaccine commercials and everyone was like, as long as he produces on the field, as long as he's still catching and running.

I'm a Jets fan. I would have John Wayne Gacy play quarterback.

Which would be awesome.

No, he was like, he was about to revert to Islam.

Yeah. There was a, there was a period of time. I needed my jets to feel Allah's light.

And you didn't get a really fair shake over there, Robert. It was, it wasn't fair. What happened to him?

He had one flag on his Jersey and I think Woody Johnson took him out for Yeah, nefarious reasons and and and well, you know woke is back though cuz we saw what we saw what happened to Robert Kraft What happened to Robert Kraft? I didn't see I mean he well, well the the Patriots lost Look is back. He went he went to Israel. He hung out with Benjamin Netanyahu right before the Super Bowl He threw a football. He gave a football to Benjamin Netanyahu so he could throw one. And then guess what happened? They got annihilated.

Now I'm not.

In his defense, though, we've all had lunch with Bibi. The guy throws a great lunch.

I don't love what he's doing governmentally, but he throws a great lunch.

Yeah.

Well, Hasan, Hasan not even willing to joke about it.

Yeah. He cannot, he cannot be a transfer.

Once a baby is off the table. Yeah.

There's certain people that I don't entertain that for. He's one of them. The other thing I was going to say is you brought up something really great like football and like the social like cultural forces are uniting right. I don't partake in it but even though like I don't personally care about football like I grew up in Turkey I still you know like the fanfare around you know NFL weekend and all this stuff the halftime show, the commercial. Bad Bunny. And what's really interesting to me is that conservatives have basically

negatively polarized themselves away from normal things that people enjoy.

Yeah.

And they're becoming more and more repulsive every single day. And one of those things is the halftime Super Bowl show show. And, uh, did you see the Paul brothers in general,

the Paul brothers split on the halftime show where, where Jake was like, you should turn off your TV wall of a, and his brother was like, I can't follow you, brother. You're going to have to go your own way on this one. Jake claimed his, his Twitter was hacked. He was like, I don't know what happened.

Logan though, originally have like a pretty abrasive, like, no, no to watching it originally.

And then saw the tide turning on social media and then I jumped on the I mean, yeah, I mean, he's like, no,

I'm like, so they have the same opinion. One was just wise enough to grift.

I think if you're looking at the Paul brothers to have a consistent morally clear message about the world, you've already got a problem. Yeah. I also have a theory about the split and it's very pessimistic. I think they're setting up for a boxing match between each other. Cause I think after Jake got his bell rung, he doesn't want to fight any real fighters anymore. So how do you bill another, you know, $5 million purse fight at your brother?

So Logan's going to grift to the left. That's actually awesome. That is their return of the form. That's the most Ohio thing you can do is beat the shit out of your brother. Right. Fratricide. That's actually fucking awesome. Their dad. That's actually completely awesome. And I love that. Yeah. I hope that's what they're doing. I really hope that's what they're doing. That's awesome. First ever. I mean, this is a double knockout they just punch each other at the same time everyone's a rocky style yeah but no woke it woke is back yeah I'm just

back but in a new way by the way can I just say we need a new woke woke there's some people are still trying to do 2015 woke honey it didn't work no we need a

new woke yeah oh my god oh my god will I can't stop going to the bathroom. It just keeps flowing out of me like lava. Oh my God.

I think I need to go see a doctor.

Oh wow.

Well, Dustin, stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to zocdoc.com slash fear

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Find a doctor for you and me, Zach Doc. I saw two straight men come out of a bathroom stall. Hello.

Together.

They were doing cocaine.

What are you calling them?

They were kissing.

No, no, no.

I didn't know if they were. I was very confused because I went down to, his bathroom was in a basement. I was at a sushi restaurant.

It wasn't even like at a gay bar or anything. This was definitely an accepting of all sexualities establishment. I could tell by the sushi. So we were down, it was an inclusive Japanese restaurant. We were down in the basement and there was a bathroom and I'm waiting and I'm like, I hear two voices in there. But they're having a very, you know, I don't hear a dick being sucked.

I don't hear a dick being sucked. I don't hear anything. I don't know though. And then they, they come out of the restroom and I'm like, Oh my God, woke us back because they felt so comfortable in their sexuality. They were doing drugs. They were definitely straight men. I want to say I was giving you

the benefit of the doubt with the story and imagining that it would circle back to a point. Yeah. There was no point.

And then you're like, I'll be back, I saw two dudes. Austin's example of won't be back

is two dudes in West Hollywood doing blow.

Doing coke in a sushi restaurant.

Two Asians at sushi.

Going down being like.

No, no, no.

They just closed the big deal for UTA. They want to celebrate a little bit. I think that gay guy was listening to us Baby woke us back come on by a landslide That they were doing coke I think they were peeing together cuz I went in there a urinal and a toilet Yeah, so I think Getting mired down in the details

of something that ultimately could not have anything

to do with what we know.

How do you like look?

You're like, no, no, no, there's a toilet in the urinal.

It's like, right, so we're so far off the track.

Yeah, we were talking about like Jake Paul having to like apologize after coming out and being like, yeah, using the rest room together. Oh my god. Yeah,

I'll tell you a little bit about my politics when I go into a sushi restaurant. That's my America.

Just a few weeks ago, they would have called each other right.

Not being the case that we're making for Woke is Back is so funny. Woke is Back, the boys are peeing together. It's true. We haven't seen this since 2013.

It's true. I didn't know straight men, y'all, did that. I didn't know you did coke in the bathroom together.

What?

That's like one of the only things they do. Really? Yeah. Coke in the bathroom together? Yeah. That's a staple of American culture.

I don't really hang out in straight spaces very much so I just assume that everything is

and you want to run. You want to run and you don't understand why straight guys are doing

in bathrooms. I could blend in. Oh really? Oh yes. I could blend in. You probably would not have even known that he's gay. Who wouldn't have? You probably would not not have known did you know I was gay when I walked when you walked in honey I knew you were gay I knew you were gay before I ever even met I knew you were gay from a miles and miles away Did you just sense that there is a homosexual?

Sense a gay present

Makes me because some people can't clock me as the way you hugged me really you gave me a gay guy

Hug, thank you

There's just a little bit of a linger straight guy. Here's what happens when you hugged. I'm a big hugger I hugged everybody hug strangers when you give a straight guy a hug It's not out of fear usually or malice Yeah, but there is after about 1.5 seconds their body tenses in a way. that's like we should probably let go. Wait, what about me? Did I give you a gay guy hug? No, you tensed. You tensed, buddy. You tensed. And it wasn't mean. It was just...

I have noticed straight guys do this when they hug. They hug, and then when it's time to go, they go...

Yeah, well, I sometimes do that, too. You were safe. He lingered in a very homosexual way. If you want to pee in a bathroom with me. I can blend in and I will give the, you know, I'll do the straight guy thing. Oh, I'll go in with one of these. No problem. Yeah. I like to make them feel safe. Yeah. But that's what I'm saying. I'll do it. Like, I'm not gonna, you know, you're not going to be gay, but you gave me a gay guy hug and I did that to send a sign I didn't I didn't answer so I double pumped cuz I remembered in the back of my mind Oh in the back of my mind, I remembered you talking about giving hugs

Yeah, and that's why cuz I came in with the dab Yeah, you noticed I know and I went straight in for the head you went in for the hug and I was like Oh, he's a hugger. Yeah, and then and then in my mind I was thinking everyone always makes fun of me for giving the most autistic hug so I have to make this hug good so I That's on I love you by my heart you seem like a great guy I love your work

We hug you first of all you tried the dap which was beautiful and in some times it would have been respectful to join you Where your culture is? Yeah, I decided to go ahead and give you the hug, let you know who I am. You did, here's what happened, I almost, and it may have been subconscious, you tensed a little bit, like we should let go because I'm straight, and then you hugged me tighter, which was very progressive, and then you out loud said,

while we're high, I remember this, you out loud said, you out loud said, yeah. over to a stronger hug. And I thought, well, how nice is that? How nice is that?

It wasn't about you being gay.

It was you trying to go against the autism allegations.

No, I think it was about you being gay, for sure.

Yeah.

Yeah.

He really- I was proud of myself.

He really thought he stuck that shit.

I did.

That's why when you guys started talking about hugs, I was like sitting here like, OK.

My compliment is in route.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I wonder if my hug was good.

I fucking nailed that hug, yeah. The whole podcast is on, patting himself on the back, like, I think I nailed that social interaction an hour ago.

Oh, no.

Normal guy alert. I

Fucking killed that hug earlier It was beautiful, it's not a criticism. I'm just saying you wonder how I know that this guy was a flaming homo Yeah, it was the high isn't in I can tell you from experience. He's not a good hugger. No Yeah, like I walked down this morning and I walked right past him and he didn't even say good morning Well, you're staying in his house for free and refused to watch a movie with He wouldn't do that anyway. Even if I watched a movie with him. No, no, no, no. If we watched a movie, I would have also invited you to the gym.

Speaking of movies, I think we're watching something behind the paywall that you're very excited about. We're not watching an entire movie.

Are you fine with that?

Okay, I woke up two days ago. You watching porn together? Okay. I woke up two to two days ago. Well, listen, you need to, you need to understand. I will go to mornings ago. Bleary eyed. I opened my phone to a text message. I finally found it. It is a Kung Fu porno where there, and I saw a clip of it while I'm in bed and my girlfriend is like,

what are you looking at? And I was like, Hassan sent me this. It's like 9 a.m.

Yeah, it's worth it. When you see it, you'll understand why.

Why did you send me this? Can I tell you a feeling I'm having right now? It's not looking good for the left that you guys are our guys. We're trying our best. No, Hasan texted me at 9 a.m. a Kung Fu porno. It's like, we are fucked. We are completely fucked if this is where things are headed.

I mean, sometimes you have to enjoy the finer things.

The little things.

No, I'm happy for you guys.

I'm just kidding. I want you guys to watch porn together.

Yeah, me too.

You guys can pee in a bathroom together.

We can watch a Kung Fu trailer.

Focus back, baby. Caleb, thank you. On that note.

Yeah, thank you so much. You are by far one of our funniest guests. Can you please tell everybody what you have coming up, where they can find you, everything.

Oh God, what do I have? Do I have got some movies coming out this year? Check my Instagram out. I would just like turn on notifications for my stories because I don't post on grid when Caleb says things on Instagram Follow if you'd like my podcast so true comes out every Thursday You'll know maybe half the guests and then the other ones Hopefully you'll just fall in love with and that's all thank y'all for having me. Thank you

Kelly a Caleb Heron everybody and we're gonna continue this conversation including porn reviews behind the wall at patreon.com Slash fear and thank you for your contributions and we'll see you behind the paywall. Take care y'all. Peace Why are they playing this I really I don't know it's pure reactionary It's reactionary performance. I've had a good was don't call it performance art. Come on. Don't call performance art It's not why do you guys know all this you guys are you guys a genuine?

He's online.

He uses my job all the time.

But it doesn't... Does it have to be to this level? Didn't you kind of make it? I mean, can we relax it a little bit?

No, I don't...

I'm not in as deep as he is.

There's an infertile 20-year-old Nazi There's an infertile 20-year-old Nazi

that you have to know his skincare routine?