This Was All I Ever Wanted. What Happened?

In the 1930s, a dude named B.F. Skinner, whose full name I can only assume was Big Fat Skinner, he did an experiment where he put a rat in a little box. And in the box was a button it could press, and if it pressed the button it'd dispense some food. Now, obviously the rat pressed the button whenever it was hungry, right? But Skinner realized that if the button didn't give food every single time it got pressed, the rat pressed it more. In fact, he found that there was a sweet spot with the button, an unpredictable, ever-changing

number of presses before it dispensed food that kept the rat glued to the thing, obsessed with whether or not the next press would be the one to do it. I used to think that as a youtuber I was the one that was dispensing the food. That the viewers were the rats, the idiots who clicked on the thumbnails with big red circles because they were brighter than the others. Which to my knowledge is still true, but I thought that I was the

one running the experiment. But as I got older and as I hit my wildest professional and financial goals, and a deer, I realized that I was in the box too. That I couldn't stop pressing the button even though logically pressing it didn't make sense anymore. I struggled with that realization for a while. I came on the back of a bunch of shitty things that happened around me all in rapid succession, and it led to one of the most miserable and aimless periods in

my entire life. And it presented me with a choice. I could jump back into the rat race, get more views, make more money, move my goal posts again for the umpteenth time, or I could just take care of myself for once. And the first time I'm actually choosing the latter I'm gonna explain how why all that stuff in fact this video is probably gonna be a little TMI But hey, you know, I think you deserve a little more than the video. I posted on main So let's do it and in advance. I want to apologize for all the rambling and tangents this video will

Inevitably have how's it going boys? My name is Schlatt and welcome back to the weekly slap. If you haven't watched my main video, hello, how are you, basically I've decided to stop posting to my main channel. Now this doesn't really mean anything in practice considering I only upload there once in a blue moon and a lot of my other projects and channels are still ongoing. It's more so just making this change for me.

To mark the end of a certain way of thinking I've fallen into over many, many years. If you're interested to hear about it, here we go. If not, you're not missing much. Let's start at the beginning. The Deere story is true. A few months ago I got into a pretty bad car accident.

I was headed to the supermarket, getting some big league chew, you know, the whole shebang. The thing jumped out onto the road and there was literally no time to react. And every time I bring it up in videos, I've mentioned it quite a few times at this point, I try and make light of the situation and kind of, you know, make jokes, but... Fuck, man, that sucked. That sucked. I've never been in a real car accident before. Believe it or not, I'm a pretty good driver.

When there's no alcohol involved. Just kidding. Just kidding. Damn. I was pretty banged up. I remember it hitting the windshield the glass fucking covering my face and Time literally slowed down and I remember thinking to myself like am I watching a video right now? Is this a fucking YouTube short as it was happening? That's what my brain was going like like I I couldn't actually believe it was happening I said I was going four times over the speed limit in the in the main channel video

That was a lie I said I was going four times over the speed limit in the main channel video.

That was a lie. It was five times over. In reality, I got very lucky. I'm lucky it hit the right side of the car. I mean, otherwise that's a near-death experience. I'm lucky no one was in that seat because, again, that's a near-death experience.

Easy trip to the hospital. And I'm lucky that all I lost was a car. The fucked up thing though and the most important piece of this whole car accident puzzle that I failed to mention in the main video is that the day it happened, the day I wrecked my dream car and was left sitting in a pile of glass and deer gristle, I came home and realized I was still more stressed

out about how poorly my recent video was doing. And it was in that moment I was just like, wow, I do not take care of myself. I have everything I ever could have wanted in life and I still worry the most about titles and thumbnails. Still, all the while, fat as fuck, completely sedentary, I'm tired, I'm stressed all the time, and I don't do shit about it. And a 10 out of 10 in the YouTube studio, which basically means that

out of your last 10 videos, this one is the worst performing one. That ruins my day more than literally almost dying. What am I still working towards that I haven't achieved? I've done everything I've wanted to on YouTube. Really. I've met all my idols. I've gotten millions of views. I'm past all the financial goals I had too, even the stupidly unrealistic ones. My life no longer improves with another 1 out of 10. So what was it? Why was I still obsessed? And I realize it's the box. Man, that's the entire point. Skinner's box. The algorithm of 1s and 10s that keep you mashing the button

like a fucking idiot because it's all you know. And when your video is performing really well, YouTube shows confetti on your homepage and blasts over the entire screen and it says keep up the good work! Totally true by the way. If you are a good boy for YouTube and become as mass appealing as possible for them, they blast confetti all over the homepage. It's funny, the reason my uploads became so infrequent over the years on this main channel isn't because I didn't feel like posting, I wasn't kicking back going to like FaZe

Clan parties and sleeping around. It's the fucking opposite. I'd wake up thinking about YouTube, I'd go to bed thinking about YouTube. I'd have dreams I was making videos and I'd wake up half asleep thanking people for their donation to my stream. And I was absolutely terrified of a 10 out of 10. It would ruin my entire month.

If I had just posted a really good video and the confetti was fucking going on YouTube Studio, I'd purposefully wait like as long as I could before posting another video because I knew the confetti would go away and It would tell me something bad instead and the days where those videos bombed Were the most miserable ones I can imagine I I'd feel physically ill, no motivation to do anything, it felt like everything I had worked for was crumbling. Dude, everything cool that I tried the past half decade was met with a resounding fucking

stop doing this, never do it again by YouTube Studio. And what's fucked is all those videos have millions, millions of views, every single sure. Oh, it's sure relative to Ranking your cursed tic TOCs. They don't have as many views but anyone would kill to have a million views on their passion project. I Was just made so miserable by the website itself on uploading them that I believed they were complete failures It's not the relationship you want to have with your job. And the fucking confetti, dude.

I can't get over the confetti. It feels like a joke. These systems were crafted intentionally to get us to become addicted to getting views over enjoying the dream jobs that we have, to make us miserable when we're not, to tie up all our self-worth into our channels, and to not stop until we've squeezed out every bit of relevance we can and every ounce of passion we had.

And it works. It works. They're the same exact tricks every social media site uses to keep everyone glued to their phones 24-7 and wondering why they feel completely fucking empty inside. It works. No wonder YouTube looks how it does today.

No matter all of it looks how it does today. The entire online world. I feel like fucking Mermaid Man right now.

EEEEVIL!

I'm sorry, I'll get back on track. What was I talking about? The car crash. That wasn't even all that happened that week, dude. Jambo, my dumb little fucking cat, he got really, really sick very shortly after that crash.

Surprisingly, it wasn't even 10 Fridge Magnets this time. It was pancreatitis, which just happens to guys like him. Everything got inflamed. It caused intestinal blockage. which just happens to guys like him. Everything got inflamed, it caused intestinal blockage, he couldn't poop, he wouldn't eat for days and days and days. It was bad. I got him back

from the vet after the second night and he was so weak. I almost didn't recognize him. I took him back to the vet the next day because something was obviously very, very wrong. And the vet just started floating euthanasia as an option. He's doing better now, thankfully. But it took three or four different animal hospitals and it only got any better until I wound

up driving hours and hours to take him to this ultra specialized hospital in a really rich area where all the all the best care was but man I cried for days thinking this guy was a goner listen to listen to wild horses by the Rolling Stones on the ride home, tears streaming down my face, to see him chatty as ever and back to his normal self after that whole ordeal feels like an actual miracle.

It does. Not only that, my dad had heart surgery too, again shortly after all that happened, and it was for a hereditary thing that he could barely control. A problem that I'm probably going to struggle with as well. Heart surgery is fucking scary, dude. He called me right before and I could tell he was nervous that he'd never get to speak to me again. Suffice to say, I spent a lot of time reflecting on all this, and it became pretty clear to

me that I needed a new set of goals. Not just in work, but in life, man. I think it just kind of reached the point where I don't need to focus on more anymore. I need to focus on what fucking matters. And while I can optimize the fuck out of a title and thumbnail and see the confetti burst onto the screen, I feel a lot less competent in my personal life. With my health, with my relationships, with my faith.

Like these are things I haven't made a priority since YouTube became my job. Those annoying ass Rent Stew comments that plague my comment section, that's the real rent I was paying. Everything else in my life paled in importance to this shitty, unhealthy obsession I had with YouTube. And every time I think about Jschlatt Live, I'm pulled back into that world of obsession, of feeling like I'll never be good enough, of pressing the fucking button over and over and over again and expecting

it to be different this time. Still, I don't know if I could ever feel a different way about that channel, to be honest. And that's why I'm quitting it. I simply don't want to buy into that way of thinking anymore. And this is as logical a solution as I can surmise right now. Now here's the good part of the video, guys.

For the past few months I have been caring for myself in a way that has quite literally never been seen before. I mean, since before this became my job, I'm dropping weight, I'm gaining muscle, I'm getting outside, I'm learning new skills, I'm keeping up with hobbies, I'm being kinder to myself.

And most importantly, I'm easing up on the overthinking, the algorithm pleasing. And like I said, in practice, hardly anything is really gonna change. The lights are still on over here at Schlatt & Co. and the gears are still spinning. And I got a great team of people helping me.

And I feel like I'm on the right track for the first time in a while. Like I'm happy. I'm actually, actually happy. And something I've felt even more the past few months is this sense of overwhelming gratitude. Not for the fucking confetti, but for everything else. This job is what everyone wants to do for a reason, and even though it hasn't been entirely

smooth sailing, there's nowhere else and nothing else I'd rather be doing. I don't know how or why you guys thought I was the guy for the job, but I am incredibly humbled and appreciative that you're even listening to this. So thank you. And let's see where this new leaf takes me, huh? I got a lot of still a lot of fun stuff I'm working on right now.

All non-YouTube related too, I should add. New Christmas albums out, you can buy the vinyl. It's all all non YouTube related to I should add new Christmas albums out you could buy the vinyl It's a deluxe version. We worked on another jazz standards albums coming out after that probably in the new year Maybe a year afterwards. We'll see how long it takes me to make it We're looking at venues for a potential live show and I landed a role voice acting in a show that's coming out soon Seriously, I'm fucking psyched, man.

All very new, all very fun, and hopefully all very good, too. Remains to be seen. And I will remain to be seen here and there, too. I'm sure you guys know how to find me by now. As always, I want to thank you all for watching. Thanks for sticking around as long as you have.

Thanks for sticking around as long as you have. Thanks for putting up with my little rant here.