Trump Can’t Keep His Hands Off MBS as Epstein Files Release Is Imminent | The Daily Show

Yesterday was a big day at the White House because Donald Trump got to have a play date with Mohammed bin Salman, the crown prince of Saudi Arabia, an all-around great guy who definitely doesn't hold a grudge and I, Ronny Chieng, have no problems with.

And the two of them couldn't keep Trump's hand off each other.

We work with all presidents.

Does Trump blow them all away?

No, you, son of the league, Mr. President.

Thank you.

Thank you, Mr. President. And Trump doesn't give a fist pump. I grab that hand, I don't give a hell where that hand's been.

I grab that hand.

-♪ ♪ -♪ ♪ What the hell was that? That was the worst handshake I've ever seen. That was like the 9-11 of handshakes. And... once again, Saudi Arabia is involved. Okay. Uh, and Trump, why are you wondering where his hand has been?

You're the one whose hand is decomposing.

I mean...

Now, you might be wondering, wait, how is Donald Trump best friends with MBS? Isn't Trump the Muslim band guy? Didn't he just spend a month calling Zohra Mandani a terrorist? Well, the difference is that Zohra Mandani

is a Shia Muslim whose family comes from Uganda by way of India, whereas MBS is giving Trump money.

The Trump Organization already has multiple projects in Saudi Arabia, including Trump Towers in Jeddah and Riyadh and a Trump Plaza in the works. In the last year alone, the Trump Organization's Saudi partner pumping more than $20 million into the family business.

Wow. Three Trump Towers in Saudi Arabia? See? America can f-ck up your skyline, too. But enough about collusion between global elites. Let's move on to the Epstein files.

Yeah! Enough about collusion between global elites. Let's move on to the Epstein files, yeah!

Where my Ep-heads at? Just me. Yesterday, a house of representatives voted to release the files, thanks to brave Republicans like Nancy Mace, who was very clear about not being a part

of the Epstein network.

The Epstein email suggests that, in fact, there is a widespread code among people with power and money who support one another. Does that exist in Washington?

I... I'm not part of the powerful. I'm not part of the elite. I'm an island of one. I don't get invited to parties. I don't have any friends. I have a dog. Oh. Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Wait, are you fishing for an invite to the sex party? And like, why did you make not being a part of a pedophile ring sound so sad? Like, there's a middle ground between Epstein Island and friendless loser. Like, walk the middle path.

Um... I mean, she doesn't go to parties, she doesn't have friends, she does have a dog, but after a day with her, even the dog's like, where's Christine Nome when you need her? But thanks to these Republicans, the House voted to release the Epstein files,

and I just cannot believe this is gonna happen. Trump has been trying to stop us from seeing these files for months now. I mean, they must have some plan to drag this thing out.

House Speaker Mike Johnson says he expects the Senate

to amend the bill, which would then send it back to the House.

Of course.

That's the plan. Yeah, it's obvious. They're gonna let it pass the House because they know it'll go to the Senate, aka where the legislation and senators go to die.

Breaking tonight, in Washington, D.C., the Senate has unanimously agreed to pass the bill to release the Epstein files.

Wait, what?

Wait, wait, wait. Hang on, hang on.

Wait, how...

How the fuck did it pass this fast? I thought a bill in the Senate had to go through amendments and committees and floor votes and Mitch McConnell's neck folds and... and they have to add some unrelated earmarks that somehow make Lindsey Graham millions of dollars. Like, how'd they get around all that?

Senate Democrats pressured their Republican counterparts

In that case, we might need to pass the Jeffrey Epstein Universal Health Care Epstein Act,

featuring Jeffrey Epstein.

-♪ ♪ -♪ ♪ -♪ ♪ -♪ ♪

No, don't...

-♪ ♪ Why are you cheering Jeffrey Epstein? But back to this bill. There's no way they're gonna let this pass. Okay? Yeah, it got through the House and Senate, but I'm sure Donald Trump will veto this bill as soon as it reaches his desk.

President Donald Trump says he's ready to sign the bill as soon as it reaches his desk.

Wait, my God, what the hell is happening here? Is Trump really gonna release the Epstein files? He's not going to burn them or hide them or put them on Barron's head so no one can reach them? I can't believe this. Look, there's just no way that this man

is going to release the Epstein files that he is in. I mean, he must have a plan to get out of this.

We should note, the legislation as it stands clearly says, quote, the attorney general may withhold or redact personally identifiable information of victims or victims' personal and medical files and any material that would jeopardize

an active investigation or national security.

Yeah, there we go. See? That's how they're gonna keep these files secret. National Security. America's go-to justification. It stops us from bringing shampoo on a plane, it puts terrorists on bananas,

and soon, it can prevent you from seeing if the president is a pedophile. And by the time Pam Bondi is done with these files, there'll be more censored than the airplane version of a Nora. Now... I'm-I'm not saying we'll never see the Epstein files.

I'm not saying we will. All I'm saying is we need to find other clues that the president inappropriately touches people.

All right?

Now, for more on the release of the Epstein files, we go live to the DOJ with Jordan Klepper. -♪ ♪ -♪ ♪

Klepper.

Klepper, how close are we to seeing these files?

Well, Ronny, it looks like these files might be released next week, but we're all praying our hardest that something happens to delay that outcome. -♪ ♪ -♪

What? What? What do you mean? Like, I want to know who the pervs are.

Do you, Ronnie? You think you do. We all talk a big game about wanting to know who all the pervs are, but then you find out it's America's sweetheart, economist Larry Summers, and... you're devastated.

I mean, was he my favorite economist? No, but top three for sure.

Dude, who gives a shit about Larry Summers?

You're telling me you're not into Larry Summers? Not even his early stuff? I mean, his Clinton-era treasury meetings redefined the genre, man. But now I feel gross even looking at inflation numbers from the mid-90s.

Jared Fogle-approved turkey sandwich, crapped coconut, a big Jell-O pudding pop, and I'd watch Matt Lauer host the parade and wait for the big Kevin Spacey balloon. But now, now, now I gotta eat turkey with my family and watch Savannah Guthrie host the parade. Do you have any idea how... that is, man?

Okay, okay, that sounds terrible, I agree, but these rich, famous people shouldn't be protected just because they happen to have fans.

It's not just some people. This is every perv everywhere all at once. It's gonna destroy the country. The banks go under, the economy collapses. I have to go back to my job waiting tables at P.F. Chang's? I'm not doing that, Ronnie!

I'm not spending every Saturday walking up to 14-year-olds talk-rapping, I'm P.F. Chang, and I'm here to say I hope you have a Chang-tastic birthday! No! No!

No. Jordan.

It's not gonna happen. It's not gonna happen. It's not gonna happen. Okay. Jordan, I... Look, I know there might be some short-term pain, but it will let us do the work of rebuilding a society from the ground up that doesn't put us under the rule of elite perverts. That sounds like a lot more work

than just not releasing the files.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Actually, you're right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Actually, you're right. I got tired just saying that. Yeah.