Trump Launches War with Iran and Refuses to Explain... Anything | The Daily Show

Welcome to The Daily Show. Man, very kind of you, very kind of you. We got a great recording tonight. My name is Jon Stewart. Later on, I will be talking with just the most incredible director,

fabulous director, Iranian director, Jafar Panahi.

We'll be joining him.

He, right now, he's got an Oscar-nominated film called It Was Just an Accident, which explores the trauma of living under an oppressive, censorious, theocratic dictatorship. I-I'm not gonna tell you how it ends, but, um... But, hey, we're back! It's Monday!

And while we had originally planned a... different show... I thought it would be a kind of a trenchant, really superbly witty episode on the unforeseen economic effects of government subsidies on well-intentioned social service programs. It was going to be a banger.

That was Friday. And a lot has blown up since then. As America has once again returned to the only East we can't get enough of exploding. The middle one. In our 20-year recurring segment...

♪♪ Nothing bad can happen, it can only good happens. I've missed you, Mesopotamia. Early Saturday morning, America and Israel launched a surprise war against Iran. I call it a surprise war. Because here's what one of the mediators said after negotiations on Friday.

I am confident and in my assessment of the way the talks are going, the peace deal is within our reach.

Oh, the peace deal is within our reach. Oh, the peace deal is within our reach. But it turns out the bombshit button was much closer. The devastating effects of a regional war have made everyone very nervous and one person very happy.

This enables us to do what I have long hoped to do for 40 years.

What?

I've had four decades of regime change blue balls. But of course, the announcement that our nation is at war is the most solemn moment of any president's tenure and an opportunity to reassure an anxious nation to reaffirm the righteousness of the cause.

A short time ago, the United States military began

major combat operations in Iran. Yeah, I'm sorry, can I just jump in here real quick? Um... this is how we're doing this? 2 a.m., Mar-a-Lago basement, no lighting? You don't even have one of those influencer halo things?

-♪ ♪ -♪ ♪ You don't even have one of those influencer halo things? Just f**king go down in the basement and this is what we're wearing? Blazer, no tie, shirt unbuttoned? Looking more like the father of the bride settling up with the caterer? Is that what we're doing? And not to nitpick obviously, but baseball hat? We're going with but baseball hat?

We're going with a baseball hat? For a war of choice? Oh, I'm gonna go down and make my war announcement. Don't forget the hat I got you at the airport souvenir store! -♪♪ It's bigger than your head! Put it on!

It goes great in the dark! Jesus f***, man. You had all the options. It's a war of choice. You could have done this at the White House, in a suit, Jesus, f---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- It's classy. Reminds me of FDR's Day That Will Live in Infamy speech.

-♪♪ -♪♪ -♪♪

We have nothing to fear but glare in my eyes.

But at the very least, we should at least be thankful that the hat is on forwards. We're taking our nation to war.

Wazzah! What's up? What's up? What's up? What's up? What's up? What's up?

It's all right, I'll give you a mulligan. Come back tomorrow, dressed for the war you want. And then you can give us perhaps a more sober launching of this incredibly consequential moment.

The United States and its partners have launched Operation Epic Fury.

I'm gonna jump in right there, please. -♪ Epic Fury. -♪ Epic Fury. Is this a war, or did the Paul brothers launch another energy drink?

-♪ Epic Fury. -♪ Epic Fury. -♪ Epic Fury.

Stop letting the millennials name shit.

I'm sorry.

I got off track. How did Operation Epic Fury start?

This morning, the US and Israel launching a major wide-scale daytime attack on Iran. Smoke scene rising near government offices and Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei's residence.

Oh, that's got to rattle. Khamenei. residence. Ooh, that's got to rattle Khamenei. Although Khamenei's got to be on high alert. I mean, I doubt he's anywhere near a location that obvious, given the advanced surveillance he's been under from American and Israeli intelligence.

This is the moment that officials say the 86-year-old Ayatollah was killed.

And he stayed in his house. Old people are so f-ing stubborn.

-♪♪

It's like...

Ah!

They really are. Like, you cannot tell them anything. Sir, please, you are in danger here.

I'm not leaving! This is my house. I didn't ask you to stay. You can go! I'm staying.

What are they gonna do? That guy... By the way, there he was. Martyred at 86. Man, are the virgins gonna be disappointed. I'm sorry, am I going too hard on Khamenei? F***ing murderous dictator?

I'm like, whoa.

Don't make fun of his erectile dysfunction. That's a bridge too far, Stewart. Guy f***ing mowed down his own people, but, you know, Viagra's a serious drug. No, America apparently had to start an entire war to kill an 86 year old man in ill health and not wait I don't know three weeks to let saturated fat do its thing

But just so you know Israel and America made their move and now

Will make their move Iran is widening the scope of its response this morning.

Neighbors across the region dragged into the chaos.

Attacks at multiple bases,

including those in Iraq, Saudi Arabia, Jordan and Qatar.

Kuwait. Bahrain, the United Arab Emirates.

Basically, the whole of the Gulf.

It's also fired on Europe for the first time,

aiming at Cyprus.

What? Cyprus? I don't even know where that is. Is Cyprus even on that risk board? I don't even think it's around there. So, wait a minute, wait a minute, let me get this straight. America and Israel attack Iran, and Iran's answer is to just f***ing attack everybody.

You know, having been in a bar fight or two in my life, I'm pretty sure the worst thing you can do during a two-on-one beatdown is slap everyone else. Hey, hey, not every part of me is getting punched. What are you doing? What are you doing? Hey, you! For more on the situation in Iran,

we go live to Istanbul with our very own Jordan Klepper.

Jordan! Nice to see you, sir. Nice. How are you?

Yes, yes. Thank you, John. I'm in Istanbul right now, which is not in Iran,

Or do you not believe your own eyes, John? No, no, no, no, no, no.

-♪♪♪♪

You edited that.

Really? Really? Oh, you look like... I was at a rally during the campaign and watched him say this.

Me like, me like, me like...

War, it makes me rock hard.

Whoa-ho-ho!

Hey, John.

-♪ ♪

Hey, John Boy, do you like apples? And can you say yes so I can insult you?

-♪ ♪

Yeah, sure, I like them.

Well, how do you like them apples?

All right. -♪ ♪ No, I don't understand that. It's not that funny. -$1.50. -$1.50. -$1.50.

Not that clever.

You walked right into that one, dummy.

Jordan, the location changed on every syllable of that clip. There's no way you watched him say that.

You know what? Trump thought you might say that, which is why he also said this.

You are wrong. John Jordan watched me say this. He is a beautiful guy. Also, every time I think about Jordan, it makes me rock hard.

-♪ Rock hard. -♪ Laughter and applause -♪ Laughter and applause -♪ Laughter and applause -♪ Laughter and applause

I really don't think that Donald Trump talked about how you arouse him.

Oh. You know, he thought you might say that, too, Jon.

No! No, look, Jordan, look, the concern for me is that Trump doesn't seem to have a plan here.

Yeah, exactly. What do you think? We've lost every war since Vietnam. We had a plan. This time, Trump's doing the sensible thing and just fucking just wing it. You can't wing a war. Yeah, yeah, you can. Just sort of come up with it on the spot, like jazz. Skibbity-bop-bop, drone strike.

Shibbity-whoa-whoa, tomahawk missile. Salt peanuts, salt peanuts, inevitable sectarian violence, jazz hands.

Yeah.

No, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

But... but...

we've been scarred by arrogant American action that has led to unforeseen consequences and ultimately defeat.

That's a negative attitude. If the gold medal hockey team had that attitude, we wouldn't have won. Best day of my life.

You just said two minutes ago that you were only pretending to care about hockey.

Not how I remember it. Pretty sure this is what I said. I'll tell you, John feels good to care about USA hockey. So, so good. It makes me rock hard.

Ooh. Ooh. Ooh.

John, I forget, you said you were a fan of apples.

Jordan Klepper, everybody. Thank you so much. Now look, the interesting thing about this war, which just started, was that it was clearly a long time in the planning, and yet the American people have heard very little that is consistent about the war's justification or ultimate aims. In fact, the normally loquacious president

had an opportunity with the national press on Sunday night after flying back from Mar-a-Lago to the White House, where I'm sure he'd want to clarify the public's uncertainty and reassure us.

President Trump tonight came home from the White House. He usually stops and talks to the press. He completely ignored us, instead stopped and admired some new statues that were being put into the Rose Garden.

Come on.

That's fake news. He's not a doddering Mr. Magoo, having full-on conversations with inanimate sculpted bronze.

Mr. President, who do you want to lead Iran?

Unbelievable statues, you see. Did you know the founders were 14 feet tall? It's so smooth. By the way, if the president isn't being forthcoming in a time of war, it's not his power to declare war anyway. Where's Congress on this? The House is set to vote on the War Powers Resolution on Thursday. This coming Thursday? Thursday! Monday, Thursday! You're

gonna vote Thursday. The war already f***ing happened! This is Trump's whole presidency. He does whatever the fuck he wants, and then a few days later, Congress is like,

excuse me.

-♪

Roll your window down. Excuse me. Excuse me, sir. Roll your window down. Excuse me. Excuse me, sir. You're not allowed to knock down the East Wing

without a permit from the Homeowners Association. We're gonna let it slide this time, but next time, you will lose access to the clubhouse. Fuck. I swear to God, the United States Congress is like male nipples. Why? Why do you exist?

What do you do? -♪ � do you do? Nothing! You do nothing. You just sit there waiting for angels to grab you when we die. I can't think of anything more dismissive and arrogant than this president not directly addressing

the American people and explaining this war

more thoroughly.

Well, good morning.

This is not a so-called regime change war. But the regime sure did change.

Oh, for God's sakes. I stand corrected. Yes, apparently the responsibility of articulating our nation's military strategy in Iran fell to... Alpha Beta alum...

Pete Hegseth, whose humility and just-the-facts-man approach made him the perfect vessel for this important task.

We're not gonna go into the exercise of what we will or will not do. We would never, in front of a press pool, lay out how long that may take. Here's exactly how far we'll go. Here's what we're willing to do and not do.

It's foolishness. We're not dumb about it.

Is there a concern of this spiraling into a longer war,

and then one for the chairman when you're done?

Did you not hear my remarks?

Oh!

Looks like somebody's been chugging a little too much Epic Fury. I know you're the defense secretary, but you don't need to get so defensive.

President Trump put a four-week timeline...

Here you go, right here. Please.

I heard the question about, uh, about four weeks. It's the typical NBC sort of gotcha-type question.

Typical gotcha?

How long will the war last, sir? It's a very tight question. Typical gotcha.

How long will the war last, sir?

Zing!

But of course, the basic gist of the briefing is that the United States will not tolerate a country that worships this kind of supreme leader.

It took the 47th president, a fighter who always puts America first, to finally draw the line. It takes guts to actually enforce it, and our president has guts. There's no better communicator than our president. He has shown an ability to do that other presidents can't quite seem to have the aperture to do.

You're right. Nobody's got the laser focus of one Donald Trump. Let's go to the president at the White House today, giving brief remarks about the war,

before a Medal of Honor ceremony. Right from the beginning, we projected four to five weeks. But, uh, we have capability to go far longer than that. We'll do it. Whatever somebody said today, they said, oh, well, if the president wants to do it really quickly after that, he'll get bored.

I don't get bored. -♪ ♪

Laser-focused.

-♪ ♪

You sure, uh, don't get bored. You're not some three-year-old that gets easily distracted by something shiny on the wall.

We have a lot of great service members here with us, too, in this beautiful building. Isn't it beautiful? We're adding on to the building a little bit. We're improving the building. See that nice drape? I picked those drapes in my first term. I always like gold.

But I think we can save a lot of money. I just saved curtains. But it will be spectacular. It will be the most beautiful ballroom. I believe it's because I built many a ballroom. I believe it's going to be the most beautiful ballroom

anywhere in the world.

I can't believe it.

Our bombs are now smarter than our president.

So, we'll... Jesus.

Go to the wall. Go to the poll.

Anyway, back to the war. So will any congressional leaders be more forthcoming with the American people? Is anybody gonna let the American people in on the plan here?

Is there a plan?

Does the president have a plan to guarantee that that happens?

No, it's not his job or my job to do this. How many times do I have to tell you?

Why are you trying to ruin my war? Why? I just started and I'm having such a good time. I bought a new suit and shiny shoes. The kind you put a nickel in for good luck in my war. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some celebrity canapés

and a lime Rickey with my name on it. Good day. I said, good day. This is Trump's America. Maybe I'm old-fashioned. But even regimes I disagreed with respected the American people enough, or felt some obligation, to at least lie to us in prime time.

Did anybody get filled in on this?

An Israeli military official I spoke to told me that there were thousands of hours of planning

between US and Israeli military officials.

Oh, anything for the bombing buddy, Bibi. You told Israel more than you told us. But like giving a handjob on your birthright trip, it was a secret that stayed in Israel. Yeah. Yeah. They did it. They know. On the bus, under the blanket. They know.

-♪ ♪ -♪ ♪ -♪ ♪ -♪ ♪

-♪ My real hat's fallin' off. ♪

-♪ ♪

But all this parsing is meaningless in the first place. We can expose their hypocrisy and contradictions and arrogance till we're blue in the Congress. The right doesn't care. They supported Trump for a very particular reason.

A vote for Kamala Harris is a vote for war.

A vote for Donald Trump is a vote for a man who wants to end wars.

The president has a commitment to peace, frankly, unlike anything we have seen. He is the great dealmaker, the art of the deal. He can negotiate the end of wars around the world.

He is America's dealmaker in chief.

He leads from a position of securing peace through strength.

That's why they voted for him. The doctrine, peace through strength. And now they support Trump for a very different reason.

The president's not afraid to take action

with hard power when necessary.

We have a president that has finally shown the strength and boldness that is needed.

The Iranian government found out what the Trump doctrine is all about, and that is mess around and find out. Donald Trump has the guts, the balls, and the vision to do things that nobody else will do.

I'm gonna leave the balls thing alone for now.

-♪♪

But how quickly the right has gone from peace through strength to peace through war. And we're all just along for the ride in a war with no clear purpose, no end in sight. It's all just at the whims of Donald Trump. You know, you know what I need right now?

My comfort monkey. I need my comfort monkey. I went after poor Punch pretty hard last week. Said some things. But I get it now. This does help a lot. By the way, it was crazy, they were sold out. By the way, it was crazy, they were sold out. And this might get me in a little bit of trouble.