Trump Rants About Epstein “Hoax,” Brags About Troops in American Cities & All of Our Enemies Team Up

Thanks for watching. Thank you for joining us here in Hollywood.

Thank you. Have another big day in Washington. I'm not sick. I'm OK.

Don't worry.

You know, Congress is back to work in Washington right now, where whether they like it or not. And for a lot of Republicans who support Donald Trump, the answer is not. At the White House today, the president of Poland had the misfortune to visit in the middle

of Hurricane Epstein. As you probably know, Republicans forced an early recess over the summer to avoid having to vote on whether to release the Epstein. As you probably know, Republicans forced an early recess over the summer to avoid having to vote on whether to release the Epstein files, which many of them do not want to do, because it would upset Orange Julius Caesar bigly.

So they kicked the can in the hopes that, I don't know, we'd be hit by a tidal wave or something. It would wash away. But it didn't wash away. So they tried another dumb idea. Again, this time the House Oversight Committee

released some of the Epstein files, around 33,000 pages of the Epstein files, a vast majority of which had already been released. You would think that of all the cases, the one for Jeffrey Epstein would get a full release. But no.

Now, there was some new information in the documents. Contrary to what Trump's Attorney General Pam Bondi said, there was video of that missing minute of security footage shot outside Epstein's cell. That footage somehow, somehow this footage got re-edited more times than the Zack Snyder Justice League

cut. And it's a big problem for Trump, because the push to release the names isn't just coming from the left. This is a bipartisan effort. It's coming from inside the House.

Hardcourt conspiracy theorists have joined arms with Democrats to push for a vote on this. Here's where we stand right now. The majority of Republicans, including this human Ottoman Mike Johnson, the Speaker of the House, do not want to release the files.

They say it would be dangerously irresponsible to do that. The people who are trying to eliminate the measles vaccine believe it would be dangerously irresponsible to release these files. But a handful of Republicans are siding with Democrats to force it.

They want to see it all. They want to know who Jeffrey Epstein's friends are, which I have to say, I know who one of them is. He looks like this. The guy, that husky one in the pink tie on the, yes. That is a man Jeffrey Epstein described as his best friend. This guy brazenly pulled Epstein's wingwoman,

his personal madam, Jelaine Maxwell, out of real prison last month and transferred her into what is basically a courtyard by Marriott. The woman who has all the information on everyone is suddenly in a prison that has Pilates class, thanks to President Trump, and nobody bats an eye about this. Today some of the Epstein and Maxwell

victims held a press conference on the some of the Epstein and Maxwell victims

held a press conference on the steps of the Capitol to demand release of the files and to announce that they are making their own list of men who assaulted them for release. You know, they were scared, and they're so scared to release the names. But now they have an unlikely ally from inside MAGA.

I also encouraged him already this morning that he should have these women in the Oval Office. They deserve to be there.

You spoke to him?

Yes, I did. And I told him I'd be happy to set that up, arranging with their attorney by sharing his phone number.

What was his reaction to that?

I haven't got an answer back.

I'm sure he'll get back to you on that very, very soon. Is she that out of it that she thinks he would want to meet these women in the Oval Office? Like, sure, send them in. I'd love to say hello. I haven't seen them since they were teenagers.

I can't believe I'm saying this. But good going Marjorie Taylor Greene. According to the president, this is all another elaborate, made-up Democrat plot to distract us from the historically awesome job he is doing.

I think we're probably having, according to what I read, even from two people in this room, we're having the most successful eight months of any president ever. And that's what I want to talk about. That's what we should be talking about, not the Epstein hoax.

We are almost at the I never met anyone named Jeffrey Epstein part of this story.

So what they're trying to do with the Epstein hoax is get people to talk about that instead of speaking about the tremendous success, like ending seven wars. I ended seven wars.

That's a lot of wars. Any we may have heard of, by the way, seven wars. Last week, it was 10 wars. Now it's seven. Tomorrow, it'll be 15 wars. This guy is ending.

He ended Star Wars.

I don't know if you heard that.

He did.

Poor Mark Hamill. Had to move on to other things. Listen, I have an idea of how you can get people to stop talking about releasing the Epstein files. Release the Epstein files. That would, I mean, just release them. You keep giving us pieces.

What is he hiding?

Like, there has to be something in there about it. I can't imagine him doing this because he cares about anyone else. See, this Epstein list, it's the first time Trump didn't want his name on something. There's a lot of speculation, naturally, including from the writer Michael Wolff, who wrote a bunch of books about Trump.

Wolff floated the possibility that Trump may have had Epstein killed himself, which, listen, I know he's done a lot of things, bad things, but I don't think Donald Trump ordered a hit on Jeffrey Epstein. And the reason I don't think he ordered a hit is because if he did, he wouldn't be able to shut up about it.

He would be.

He was not a good guy. He's a bad guy. Now, thanks to your favorite president, he's gone. I had him rubbed out. That would be.

He.

I killed two Jeffreys, Epstein and the Toys R Us giraffe. Gone. Meanwhile, all our enemies are teaming up. The president of China hosted a big military celebration with special guests Vlad Putin and Kim Jong-un. You can see them here, the axis of Dr. Evil's

with their little boo-boos. They gave him all the boo-boos. This obviously did not sit well with the president. He posted, may President Xi and the wonderful people of China have a great and lasting day of celebration. Please give my warmest regards to Vladimir Putin and Kim

Jong-un as you conspire against the United States of America. President Donald J. Trump. It sounds like somebody's bummed he wasn't invited to the supervillain sleepover. And China, they really went all out on this. They had a huge parade.

They had huge crowds, lavish meals. All of Trump's strongman crushes were there. It felt like it was staged specifically to upset. It was like the diplomatic equivalent of posting a bikini shot to make your ex jealous. President Xi arrived in a limousine

with four microphones installed on the roof. He popped out of the... There was a lot of pomp and circumstance at this event. You can see the limousines as he addresses thousands of troops and onlookers. And, um...

Oh, they, you know, little accident. They spent the next 30 minutes exchanging insurance information. But it was quite a show of precision and force. They had new weapons on display. And they really stuck it to old Captain Kangaroo.

Salute!

Salute!

Salute!

Comrades, you've worked hard.

We love you! Cheers! Cheers! Cheers! Cheers! Cheers! Cheers! Cheers! Cheers!

Cheers! Cheers! Cheers! Cheers! Cheers! I'm just another chill Tuesday in China. Meanwhile, back at home, President Orange Chicken has been taking a victory lapse to celebrate his decision to storm our nation's Starbucks in Washington with unneeded and unwanted troops.

Now it's considered a totally safe zone. Restaurants are open. They're bustling. Restaurants, you have to see, restaurants were dying. Nobody wanted to go out. They didn't want to be attacked. They didn bustling. Restaurants. You have to see, restaurants were dying. Nobody wanted to go out.

They didn't want to be attacked. They didn't want to be mugged. They didn't want to be attacked even in the restaurant. And you take a look at what's happened. Friends of mine that haven't gone to a restaurant in four years, one of them went out five times

in the last two weeks to a restaurant with his family. Oh, that's great. Mission accomplished. He has these sycophants tell him what he wants to hear. They come into his office, and they say, I went to dinner five times in the last two weeks. And it just becomes fact. It just becomes true. Even though reservations for restaurants in Washington,

according to Open Table, the restaurant reservation website are at an all-time low. They're down more than 30% compared to this time last year. Because nothing makes diners feel comfortable like armed guards roaming the streets. And these soldiers have nothing to do.

They're just these troops from the National Guard who are supposedly there to fight crime have very little crime to fight, so they've been raking leaves to keep busy. He's turning our National Guard into our National Gardeners. When he called the National Guard, he did this to us.

He called the National Guard into LA for no reason. It killed the restaurants downtown. They still haven't fully recovered from it. But you wouldn't know it if you listened to puppy-dommer Kristi Noem.

I won't speak to the specifics of the operations that are planned in other cities, but I do know that LA wouldn't be standing today if President Trump hadn't taken action. Then that city would have burned down if left to the devices of the mayor and the governor of that state. And so the citizens who live there, the small business owners in downtown LA, they're thankful.

What are you? in LA, they're thankful. Yeah, what do you know? Boo. Boo. That's right. You're booing because you are from LA and you know that there is nothing true about that.

We were here.

That statement, I mean, it's mind boggling. That statement is as phony as her face. That is just not true. The idea that LA business owners are thankful to the president for turning the city into a police state for no reason,

it seems fanciful to me. But who knows? Maybe Chrissy Noem is right. Maybe they are thankful. Maybe he made America grateful again. I don't know.

To find out, though, we sent a camera out to downtown LA to ask business owners if they are thankful to President Trump.

Do you want to thank Donald Trump for everything he's done for your business?

No.

So you're a small business owner in downtown LA?

Correct.

Would you say you're thankful?

Absolutely not.

Are you saying that things have not improved?

No, things have gotten worse.

So, I'm guessing you don't want to thank Trump.

F*** no.

Everything in the past few months has been bad.

Real bad.

So I'm guessing you don't want to thank him.

No.

How are your sales now versus sales before Trump?

50% down.

50% down. So maybe we, what would you say to Trump? You wouldn't say thank you then?

I won't say, no.

Do you want to thank Donald Trump for how much he's cleaned up downtown?

Absolutely not, are you kidding? I'm like, ask the co-workers that are not here today because we can't afford to pay everyone right now.

I would say my initial response, under much deliberation, would not be a thank you. It would be a how come.

Are you thankful that the troops were sent in?

No, because I feel like it wasn't necessary.

Is there anything you want to thank Donald Trump for?

Thank you for f***ing things up. Thank you for f***ing things up.

All right, well, that's something, I guess, right?