Trump Sends Vance to Concede to Iran & Reflecting Pool Is Filled with Corruption | The Daily Show

I'm Jon Stewart, so this must be a Monday.Giving me shit about only work on Mondays.Question, well you work one day a week.What's that like?We do have a great show for you tonight.My guests tonight, journalist Maggie Haberman and Jonathan Swan, who, oh, they're really lovely.

Jonathan Swan, of course, years ago started out as Jonathan Duckling, and then blossomed.Tried to do the dumbest joke I could do.Their new book is obviously about the imperial presidency of one Donald Jehoshaphepher Trump.The Trump administration, of course, once again finds itself at the center of the big news today.The Trump administration continues to try and find a solution to an intractable, problematic waterway in a dangerous part of the world.

Mounting problems at the Reflecting Pool on the National Mall.

You are looking right now at what is rapidly turning into a $16 million headache for the White House.

It was brought to our beloved symbol of national ankle -deep waiting.

Pieces of that new coating began peeling off.

Phosphate levels far higher than what is recommended.A significant algae bloom has turned the water into a sea of green.

And it's really green.I didn't realize, like...That shit's neon.Did they replace the water with Mountain Dew?What is...

I mean, didn't they just have a pool company come in and fix it?Why did it get so green?

One of those companies, Green Water Services.

Perplexing.How did it get so green?I kid, of course.It's not about the name.I'm sure Green Water Services, a very reputable company, that fairly won the Reflecting Pool contract because of their expertise and track record.

The administration paid a company to do the work in a no -bid contract.

The company's owned by a trust run by Republican donor John Cafaro.

Pool guy?It's the pool guy.Does Trump do business with anyone normal?Pool guy looks like an extra from Guys and Dolls.It's like Donnie Brasco got stung by a bee.I'm sorry, to be fair, that's probably an old picture from, like, the 80s when Gomez Adams was the rage.

Like, do we have a recent picture of this guy that we can...Are you...This is entrapment!

This guy.He's a Mar -a -Lago neighbor and has given more than $300 ,000 to the political committees tied to the president.Back in 2001, Cafaro pled guilty to conspiracy to bribe then -Congressman James Trafalgan Jr.

Pool guy?Pool guy bribed the congressman and now he gets the pool...That tracks.What do I do?Let's just say I'm, uh, I'm in the chlorine management business.Well, if you're like me when you first heard that the reflecting pool had algae, you probably thought to yourself, well, I hope the president of the United States is personally involved with overseeing this.

President Trump says he personally inspected the site.

Good.That's good.I'm glad.I believe he posted a picture of that excursion.Oh, there it is. I'm just curious.Wait a minute.

He's healing me!That's not actually me.You know what I don't like about that picture?Can I tell the truth about this?This is an AI -generated image, right?And the picture of that person does happen to look a lot like me.

But what that means is I am AI's idea of a person that is old and needs to be healed.Donald Trump is personally overseeing the pH balance of Abe Lincoln's kiddie pool.Who is handling the high -stakes, incredibly fragile Iranian truce negotiations?

Hey, guys.

We should have sent Cigar Face!Cigar Face would have taken care of this!Unless you want your whole... country to have green water.We'll give J .D.Vance a chance.

These are the kind of negotiations that will require steely -eyed focus on the American side, and I'll bet J .D.Vance has just the right touch of gravitas and tact.

I have joked that I have two very, very important people in my life, an Indian and a Pakistani.The Indian is my wife and the Pakistani is Field Marshal Munir.

Pakistani?I say, people, two browns don't make a white.A rabbi, my wife, and Field Marshal Munir walk into a bar.Risky move on Trump's part, given that the first time he sent J .D.Vance overseas, J .

D.Vance killed Pope Francis.So it happened.Pope Francis lived in leper colonies, went through so much in his life.survived, spent 10 minutes with J .D.D.

Vance, and went, check please, I'm out.Unfortunately, the negotiation meeting seemed to get off to an even worse start.

Social media claims that Vice President J .D.Vance was snubbed by Qatari officials during those weekend talks in Switzerland.There's a viral video going around that showed Vance standing alone as leaders around him exchanged hugs and greetings.

Vance really answers the question, what if a middle school dance were a person?Mom's coming soon.I'm going to get out of here.But things just went from bad to wallflower, with Vance getting more and more exasperated as the mean girls just couldn't see that he has a lot to offer, too.And why were they possibly so mad?Wait a second.

You know what?I actually think this might not have been a diplomatic snub.This might have been the result of a health code violation.Can we take a quick look at the footage again?There's J .

D.Vance.

Oh, he went diplomatic!Second only to the men's room.pee and peek, which, as many of you know, started the Franco -Prussian War.But you know what?It doesn't really matter.It doesn't matter who we send, because there's not a lot of wiggle room in these negotiations.

President Trump has been very clear about what's expected.

The president said there will be no deal with Iran except unconditional surrender.

Ta -ta.So basically, J .D.Vance is just there to pick up the white flag, get it signed, hand out a couple of orange slices, call it a game.And for all you nit -piecers out there wondering, well, what does surrender even mean?Very simple.

They laid it out quite clearly.

We want to see no nuclear bomb, no nuclear weapon, not even close to it.I say no enrichment.They want it for civilian, you know, for civil, civil.I think it's uncivil.We also want the enriched uranium.Destroying Iran's missile capabilities and their capacity to produce Brand new ones.

No money will exchange hands in any way, shape, or form.

So we already know what the deal is.We go through the deal point by point.Probably isn't going to take much time at all.Pretty simple.Number one, they have to give us all their valuable nuclear material.

It's actually not valuable.Not a lot of value, but we'd like to get it psychologically, but nobody's touching it.

So we're not actually going to get it, but at least they can't touch it.I mean, they can look at it.Look, he's not cheating.You know what I mean?As long as Iran doesn't use it for enrichment, you know, for military or civilian use, that's where we actually are drawing the line.Right, Mr. Trump?

Well, it is a little hard, though, when you say that somebody wants it, other people have it, other adjoining states have it, and you're not letting them have it for purposes of electricity or things like that.It's always a little tough.You have to use a little common sense.

You're the no -nuclear guy!You're the one who said it!Now, suddenly, I'm rich a little bit.I mean, you know, we all enrich nuclear material at some point.You know what I'm saying.The point is, we don't have to be such hard -asses about the nuclear.

Because really, the main reason we went there was the ballistic missile program.That's why we're there.And we are definitely not budging on that.

The conventional ballistic missiles, which we'll be talking about, and support them.I mean, they have to have some, because other people have some.They've got to have some.

Sir, you shouldn't let them have any missile.

I said, well, what am I going to do?Am I going to let Saudi Arabia have missiles, but they can't have them?Yes, sir.It doesn't work that way, you know?It doesn't work that way.

We're assholes.Like, we were the assholes who were like, no missiles, no nuclear.And you're like, you got to be reasonable.We're just backing you up.And now you're telling us, use your heads, people.I mean, they got to have missiles.

You never know when some impulsive asshole is going to start bombing them out of nowhere.

At least no money's changing hands.As for money, the US pledges to help create a $300 billion reconstruction fund for Iran.

Allowing Iran immediately to start selling its oil.that could earn Iran 60 to 70 billion dollars per year.Also in this agreement, the unfreezing of Iranian assets, which could be upwards of a hundred billion dollars.

So the hardline extremist regime of Iran gets a nuclear stockpile, missiles, and money.Iran is a circumcision away from being Israel.I actually know if Iran is circumcised, so that may not be it.You get my point.Sure, someone will leave that in the comment section.I don't know if their penises have the hijab.

I don't know.Maybe they just have where you just see the penis's eyes.There's no graphic for that joke, by the way.If this is what we're giving the Iranians, I don't understand why the Iranians are snubbing J .D.Vance.

They should be kissing his booger -laden ring.I mean, what does America get for all these concessions?

Yesterday was a very, very good day.We made a lot of good progress.

Yeah.Go get them, Joan Didion Vance.What kind of project?Go get them, old JaMountain Dew Vance.I knew you'd come through.What did we get?

The Iranians have agreed to invite IAEA.inspectors back into their country.That is a major milestone for the American people.

Oh, yeah, that's a big milestone.We haven't had nuclear inspectors in Iran since, oh, when you started bombing them last year.The Iran inspectors went in there after the JCPOA that Obama negotiated, and they only left when we attacked Iran.So, just out of curiosity, why did we tear up the Obama deal with Iran again?That horrible Iran nuclear deal.That horrible, stupid deal.

The stupidity of that deal, where we give $150 billion, we get nothing.The deal allowed Iran to continue enriching uranium.It also fails to address the regime's development of ballistic missiles.Who would make a deal so stupid as that?The dumbest deal I've ever seen.The worst deal ever negotiated of any kind.

Yeah, what kind of a dumb f...At the time...Crazy.I guess the theory is, why trade smaller concessions with Iran for peace when we could instead lose a war with them and make bigger concessions?Well, I hope you learned your lesson, Iran.There's plenty more concessions where that came from.

You mouth off again and you're getting Greenland.But that's fine.Let's just make the best of it.J .D., can you at least tell us the nuclear inspectors will be starting right away to secure the uranium?

In terms of when the nuclear inspectors are going to start, it's funny, we were trying to call some of the inspectors last night around 8 o 'clock.

Is that funny, though?We've been at war for four months and no one thought to call the nuclear inspectors before 2 a .m.last night?It's really less funny than just shitty foresight and planning.Honestly, I mean, have you ever wondered who the f**k buys luggage at an airport?

That's our negotiating table.Half a trillion dollars.

If there is any frozen Iranian assets that are unfrozen, the money would actually go to buy American soy, American corn, and American wheat for the benefit of the Iranian people.A classic Trump deal.

Oh, it is a classic Trump deal.Announce a bold action with grandiose ambition, and then shit the bed, and then state confidently that bed shit was the goal name the better trump we went to war with iran to force them to take money to buy our crops when how did no one else figure this out how did no other president have the foresight to bomb a country into a crop buying spree well i think one big difference phil is that we have a smart