Trump’s Failed State Fair Is Comedy Gold

The Tommy Campbell Show.

Nobody's showing up to Donald Trump's Great American State Fair, and it's hilarious and a little sad, but in the history books for America's 250th birthday, there'll be a picture of a makeup slathered reality TV show host, a crumbling papier -mâché arch, a fenced off green swamp, a row of limp tents, and some guy performing to nine people in a field.The fact that Donald's Freedom 250 team genuinely thought they could summarize two and a half centuries of unique state culture inside two rows of sweltering tents is hilarious on its own, but the actual reality on the ground is comedy gold.Like, even if the guy could properly sort out the reflecting pool, not by charging Olympians with felonies, this is what he'd see when he looks into it.The majestic National Mall has been completely taken over by overpriced food, drywall state pavilions that look like an elementary school science fair went terribly wrong, and it's not just the appearance.Trump spent his recent speech bragging about the magnificent engineering of his new monuments, and meanwhile, his main stage is literally disintegrating over the rehearsal dancers.of this entire fair is held together by thoughts, prayers, and dollar store duct tape.

That nearly went on their heads.As a performer, this sort of stuff freaks me out.Stage safety is not a place to cut corners, but that's all this guy does is cut corners.First up is the arch, because it's about as exciting as the one McDonald's brought back a couple months ago.Donald had a mini triumphal arch made to get people hyped over his proposed 250 -foot United States triumphal arch.And because it's hot, the few curious tourists are literally just slumping underneath it to use it for shade.

A monument meant to project absolute power and legacy to mirror the Arc de Triomphe in Paris, but right now its primary executive function is to block the sun, which is funny because it was put there by the president that roguedogged the eclipse multiple times.Yeah, you're not supposed to stare at that, genius.Subscribe.I genuinely find this thing hysterical.Like, it has the wow factor of two -day -old Caesar salad.Trump cannot

escape the footage being posted of this epic fail with stapled wallpaper and just uneven everything.The leaking foam looks like it's actually supposed to be there as if they modeled it off his spray tan neck gina.I feel like he approached the crew of a Kevin Sorbo movie and gave them a $500 gift card to Michaels in 24 hours to make this happen.It makes me think of Spinal Tap and the Stonehenge moment when the band thought they were getting an 18 -foot monument and wound up with something that looked like it belonged in a hamster enclosure.I wish Rob Reiner were here for many reasons, but I know he would have laughed at this crappy little Trump arch being revealed like it was the Arc de Triomphe from Timu.This one is more embarrassing because it was made by people who had access to the federal government and they still ended up with a patriotic wank fort covered in melting foam.

If you want to see how low the attendance is, just switch over to Fox.They're broadcasting from the fair and accidentally proving nobody's there.Here's the entrance set up as if like people were gonna line up for a U2 concert.Yeah, just a big empty.And here's Brooke Rollins speaking to a handful of people in a field.

There is nothing like being on a Zoom call, filling out a soccer form, pin mowing the church contribution, the tithe for the week, having the president call on my cell phone, and being able to smile through it all.

There are less than 20 people there for her.We've seen the footage yet.Here's what she told Fox.

50 ,000 people coming to celebrate the Great American State Fair over the last five or six days.I call that a huge success.

I think speaking to a handful of people in a field is not hitting the mark.Like, did you get your version of hitting the mark from Pete Hegseth's school of blowing up schools?

Tell us about how you're feeling.Now, I'm fine.But previously, none of these booths have air conditioning.You don't know what happened.But I started seeing stars.Oh, really?

we went to the tent there's a religious tent because that's the theme for today and they had a pool they're baptizing people thank god they had the pool they said do you want to get in i uh yes i think i do i think i want to be baptized soaking wet but i went to the medic tent they took care of me i still got one of these towels they filled me with electrolytes, but good.Nice folks in there for sure.Oh, they're wonderful.They are absolutely excellent.DC Fire helped you out.

The visitors are out there literally seeing stars and I'm not talking Dean Cain and Lee Greenwood.They're fainting.And it gets so much better because today's theme of the fair is apparently religion.So much for the separation of church and state.And the only place with a pool of water was a group running live baptisms.This poor woman had to choose between heat stroke or getting saved in a paddling pool.

Thankfully she got help.and the medical tent.Will she get a bill though?I don't know.This is the same fair that is selling turkey legs for $23.In the middle of an inflation debate, the Freedom 250 Task Force is hawking $23 turkey legs.

And come on, it wasn't that long ago that J .D.Vance was saying nobody eats turkey outside of Thanksgiving and Christmas.Did Big Turkey pay him off?I, for one, love a giant turkey leg.Get me back to Universal Studios and I will be first in line for one.

And they're $14 .99.Yes, I looked that up to confirm it.Some parts of the park, $17 .99, but still $5 less.And you're not going to risk your life having one at Universal.But here, they keep losing power.And the one place power is very important is food storage or things start to creep in the danger zone.

And you're getting to turn this into a Lauren Bobert situation because she poisoned dozens of people at rodeo with pork sliders with no controlled hot or food storage.Yes, her meat's dirty too.And since we're talking turkeys, Maha has a big presence there.RFK Jr. and Dr. Oz are using the nation's birthday as a chance to hawk unpasteurized raw milk and vaccine skepticism right next to deep fried Twinkie stands and rodeo reenactments.You have the health sector lecturing crowds about the dangers of processed sugar while the next booth is selling deep -fried blocks of butter on a stick.Signs for Maha Mondays are posted around the fairgrounds featuring presentations by RFK Jr. and Dr. Oz.

I mean, the only time RFK Jr. should be doing a presentation on health is if he's there as an example of what not to do.Here's Dr. Oz speaking.to a handful of people.Nobody cares, nobody's there.But don't worry, Bobby was sure to post a video of him doing some pull -ups in pants, hiding his stick legs, shaking like a tin of Dulux at Home Depot.

President Trump!

What is he doing to that wall?But the Stonehenge dump arch and the collapsing stage are far from the only dodgy things.They plopped a 110 -foot Ferris wheel directly in front of the Capitol that suffered power cuts on opening day.The leader who constantly talks about restoring American architectural greatness and building grand monuments literally parked a mid -tier parking lot ride in the middle of America's most treasured civic space.I don't do non -permanent rides, okay?If it's not bolted to the ground, you're not getting me on.

I've been on the London Eye a few times, but you're not going to get me on this traveling hamster wheel.This is just an accident waiting to happen.It all is.Congress spent an entire decade planning a beautiful bipartisan 250th birthday party for the country called America 250.It's a nonpartisan nonprofit co -chaired by George W. Bush and Barack Obama.But because they were

to let the celebration become a giant self -aggrandizing campaign rally, Trump signed an executive order to spin up his own parallel semi -private group called Freedom 250.The government is funding two completely separate competing July 4th celebrations that are actively ignoring each other.Congress took the cool musicians to California for a massive flagship event at the Memorial Coliseum.It's a charity benefit featuring Queen Latifah and Chris Stapleton charging regular citizens $17 .76 a ticket with all proceeds going to Feeding America.It costs less to see Chris Stapleton than it does to buy a turkey leg at the Trump event and it goes to charity.Freedom 250 will be launching over 850 ,000 fireworks for a grueling 40 -minute show.

It's like Trump consulted Kristi Noem on what would be great for dogs and then decide to try and beat the world record for fireworks.Justice for cricket.Because he's about as stable as a chair with a missing leg, Donald Poston this okay this was supposed to be a burn and you got one guy that looks like he was at an audition for the Goonies and the other that is totally magnetic and cool look at Obama he's awesome Newsom joined in with his own version noting guess which one filed six bankruptcies my favorite was this Obama at 46 Trump at 46 Now, Trump billed this as the most unforgettable birthday party any country's ever seen, claiming all 50 states plus U .S.territories would be showcased.At least nine states flat -out refused to send official delegations because Trump's team tried to charge them $100 ,000 registration fees just to pitch a tent.

Massachusetts Governor Maura Healey went on the radio calling it a ridiculous misuse of taxpayer money.Oregon pulled out over concerns the event was just a partisan campaign rally.Because the real states refused to pay the $100 ,000 cover charge, the mall is a ghost town.town of unstaffed booths.Washington, Alaska, and Hawaii just rocking chairs for bored tourists.Mississippi literally just a poster saying they birthed Elvis.

J .D.D.Vance getting cozy with his true love.Interesting.In Idaho, full -size model cows for people to milk.Illinois, a random pile of raw corn.

Kentucky, a cutout of frozen Mitch McConnell.Cash Patel's custom booze and some barrels that say closed.Since Trump's tariffs killed the U .S.whiskey industry, forcing historic staples like Jim Beam to completely halt production of its main distillery for the entirety of 2026.To see where the actual money and effort went, look at the premium real estate handed to big donors and defense contractors.

While actual states are represented by bags of potato chips and piles of corn, corporate sponsors like SpaceX and GE Aerospace were gifted massive air -conditioned mega -pavilions to show off model rockets.And corporate boosts is exactly how the North Carolina disaster happened.The state government boycotted the $100 ,000 entry to the fair to focus on in -state events and a private corporate group threw a rogue booth together.a video monitor on the wall and broadcasted a Confederate flag graphic, prompting Mount Olives to release a bunch of social media statements saying like, hey, we had no idea that was going to be there, and they officially withdrew entirely.You know your patriotic festival is off the rails when a literal pickle company goes sour on your booth.And Trump did give everyone a tease, posting a golden gift to the White House for its 250th birthday year.

Now, White House press were quick to go take a picture, and there was nothing there.This is an AI image he posted of what he plans to put up there, and then even look closely, the shield on the front only has 11 stars instead of 13.Again, this is the cognitive test champion.Since Donald is using AI to redesign the White House for the anniversary, I figured he might need some help refining his artistic direction.Here's my rendering of the golden diaper.It beautifully captures his energy during his daily death snaps where he takes dumps.

The Pig Knows Trump letting everyone know this is the temporary nursing home of the Quiet Piggy Guy and the Golden Epstein.Airjet for the guy with more mentions in the Epstein files than Jesus in the Bible.

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Now as I see my two beautiful sons sitting there, I think I'm going to give one to myself, one to them, and we'll have a threesome, okay?I'll pick out one of the two.I'll give them the Congressional Medal of Honor for something.for their genius at hunting, and I'll get one for taking on Russia, Russia, Russia or something.

A threesome.With your sons.The only thing that would have made that more awkward is if Ivanka were there.And look at his logic for the military's highest award for valor.He wants to hand a Medal of Honor to his son for genius at hunting?which we all know means shooting a fenced in semi -sedated animal baited with donuts from the back of a golf cart.

It happened.It's not a sport if the other team doesn't know they're playing.Meanwhile, Donald gets a combat medal for taking on Russia, Russia, Russia.Last time I checked, he's more on Putin's side than anyone else's.And look, honestly, there is only so much you can do with tents on the National Mall.This was never going to be the opening ceremony of the Olympics, but it could have been decent.

It could have been sincere.It could have been a simple fun celebration of the country, without turning it into a corporate donor showcase, a campaign rally, and a failing roadside carnival with federal funding.But the second the waste, ego drift, and tacky Trump branding took over, it stopped being about America and became another monument to one man's need to slap his name, his friends, and his terrible taste onto everything.Nobody sane wants to celebrate this country inside a half -empty tent village that looks like Fyre Festival got a government contract.Stop saying Ted Cruz is Canadian, he was born there, and moved before he was five.loving American.

I think it's absolutely hilarious that you are actively picking a fight to take official ownership.this guy.Canada's over here desperately trying to scrub his birth certificate and instead of letting them take the hit, you're stepping up to the microphone proudly declared, no, no, no, he belongs to us.I don't know if the fact that Cruz is born in Calgary winds up Canadians or Americans more, but Canada definitely got a pass today.You are fiercely demanding the rights to a guy who changed his name, fled to Cancun during a deadly winter storm and wrote the literal foreword for Lauren Boebert's book.The truth is these libs poured algae seeds in the pool and blame it on Trump.

They poured P -O -R -E -D, algae seeds into the pool.Truly a masterful grasp of the English language.But more importantly, algae seeds?Like what on earth is an algae seed?That is not how biology works.You don't go to Home Depot and walk past the lawn fertilizer and buy a pack of premium, bluegrass algae seeds to scatter over a reflecting pool.

Algae is a single -celled organism.It spreads through spores and sunlight, not a tiny little seed pouch.It is amazing that these people will look at a poorly renovated, unmaintained, sweltering summer pool turning green, and instead of blaming basic science and Donald Trump, they invent a fictional horticultural black ops mission where liberals are sneaking around with pockets full of Algae seeds.Magatears.The leaking foam looks like it's actually supposed to be there, as if they molded it off.I've done the London Eye a couple too time.

A couple, two times, a couple, two times.Just so smart.I'm on point today.Even the leaking foam looks like maybe it was supposed to be there as if they mottled it off his spray tent neck gina.Is that what you call that thing?Is that what you call, is that the word for it?

Disgusting.That's the word for it.Access to the federal government and still ended up with a patriotic wank fort.Patriotic.That's funny.

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