Trump’s Nipple Fetish Revealed, UFC-Themed Birthday Party & Commemorative Coin Con

Special hello to those who are watching the NBA finals earlier tonight here on ABC.And a regular hello to those who are not watching the game.You know, Olivia Rodrigo is here with us tonight.We're going to have a little talk, and then she will sing.Olivia Rodrigo is one of the few celebrities who are not at Madison Square Garden tonight for game four of the NBA finals between the Knicks and the Spurs.I've been watching.

I've been doing something interesting.I've been watching the finals in Star Wars order.I started with game four.Next, I will watch games 5 and, if necessary, 6.And then I will go to 1, 2, 3.And finally, game 7, the Phantom Web of Nyama.

We recorded this show before the game, so I cannot tell you whether the fans outside the garden are rioting because they're happy or mad.But they are rioting.That I know for sure.I feel confident about that.And they're pretty fired up in San Antonio, too.

This is family friendly.We got to keep it family friendly.

eight points, eight rebounds, six assists, and three blocks in game three.Tonight, the Knicks had Timothee Chalamet standing by to throw his dune hooks in his back and ride him like a sandworm if he had to.Wemby is the tallest player in the league.He's 7 foot 4, which makes him very difficult to defend and even harder to interview.

I heard Mitch Johnson tell you guys, it's not about our offense.It's going to happen on the defensive end.What was better about the defense?

Absolutely.Defensive is offense and vice versa.

Poor Lisa Salters.They're either going to have to get a longer microphone or a taller reporter, because it's like interviewing the sky.President Trump was not at game four.He elected to fart nap at home tonight.He decided to stay home and get booed by his wife instead.He has been gearing up for his big UFC -themed birthday party on the White House lawn this weekend.

They've been billing this as a celebration of America's 250th anniversary, even though it is taking place on Trump's 80th birthday.We're holding a 4th of July party on June 14.A holiday that is named the 4th of July is on June 14.And in case you're wondering what kind of gift to give the president, it just so happens that the Trump family is offering a special commemorative coin with his head on it for this UFC event for the low, low price of only $11 ,999 .99.You can see, though, it's a beautiful coin.Julius UF Caesar is pictured.

This is one ounce of pure PF -70 rated gold.Just by comparison, an ounce of PF -70 rated gold in coin form without his head on it goes for about $4 ,500.So this is a deal.If you read the fine print, which they would prefer you do not do, you will learn that the coin is intended for individual enjoyment only and not for investment.purposes.This is not political, has nothing to do with any political campaign.

It is not legal tender and has no face value.You really have to hand it to Trump.I mean, it takes a special kind of con man to sell your supporters money they cannot spend anyplace.Of course, the White House rejects any suggestions that the president's family profiting off an event he forced onto the White House grounds is a conflict of interest.They wrote, the fake news continued attempts to fabricate conflicts of interest are irresponsible and reinforce the public's distrust in what they read.And that's why they should all get themselves a Trump Bible and repent, starting at only $59 .99.

Meanwhile, J .D.Vance does not have a coin, but he does have a new chicken coop.The Vances built this on the grounds of the vice president's residence.Trump heard there were a bunch of young chicks at J .D.'s house.

He went right and went over there for the first time.You know, but building a coop makes sense, for J .D.and his family will eat the eggs, Trump will eat the chickens, and RFK Jr. will eat the penises off the raccoons.who try to eat the chickens and the egg.It's the Trump administration circle of life.

Trump is so preoccupied right now with his stupid construction projects.This morning, he took a break from signing a bill to give ICE tens of billion dollars to terrorize people who aren't white to reflect on his newly renovated reflecting pool.

It was called the Reflecting Pond, or the Reflecting Lake, some people called it.I've built many, many, many swimming pools.as a builder.I built hundreds of them.We just opened it last night and people are going wild over it.But everybody's looking at that reflecting pool.

They can't believe it.Reflects.That's where Martin Luther King made his great speech.And they say he had a million people.And I made a speech there for July 4th.And the people were even tighter at mine.

I had more people than him.but they said I had 25 ,000 and he had a million.But I'm not going to argue with Martin Luther King, because that would be wrong.

No, no, that would be an insane thing to do.He is so sick.He's genuinely jealous of a man who was assassinated.He's competitive with a dead person.And then it was time to talk about the crooked primary here in California.So last night, we learned that the Trump -backed candidate, Steve Hilton, a Republican, finished second and will advance to the runoff for governor against Xavier Becerra, a Democrat.

Now, Hilton was on the same ballot that Spencer Pratt was on.Spencer Pratt lost, but somehow, even though they were on the same ballot, that vote was rigged.

The only reason he got approved, he had all the votes he needed, probably to be first place.But the only reason they approved Steve Hill, it was going to be two weeks, they said it.And then they approved him that night because the heat was on them, because they're cheating dogs.

Oh, that's why.Wow, that is remarkable somehow.The Democrats rigged the ballots, but only the parts where people voted for mayor.The votes for governor, they left untouched.It's diabolical.It's a miracle that people who are so stupid can be so incredibly smart at the same time.

You know, in a sane world, that statement would have been the moment where the nurse came in and put him to bed.But that's not the world we live in.We live in a shitty world.There were primary elections in four states yesterday.In Maine, Democrats overwhelmingly voted for Graham Platner for Senate, despite a number of embarrassing scandals, including revelations of a Nazi -esque tattoo he had on his body, sexting with women while he's married, and allegations of abuse.If Democrats cannot get him into the Senate, word is Republicans are planning to nominate him for president in 2028.

Senator Lindsey Graham won his primary in South Carolina.That wasn't an easy race.It was Lindsey's biggest win since he scored that sweet little mermaid bubble wand at Disney World.Also in South Carolina, Congresswoman Nancy Mace did not make the cut for the November runoff for governor.Mace ended in fifth place, or as Republicans in California call it, she won.While Nancy can now get back to her important work monitoring the genitalia of people going into public restrooms, she was also one of few Republicans pushing for the lease of the Trump Epstein files.

Trump went after all of them.Thomas Massie.Nancy, Lauren Boebert, Marjorie Taylor Greene.It's almost as if he has something to hide in these things.You know, the New York Times published a story today about the covfefe that ensued at the White House involving the president and his BF Jeff.The story draws on reporting from a forthcoming book by Maggie Haberman and Jonathan Swan called Regime Change.

They conducted more than 1 ,000 interviews with members of Trump's inner circle and got a lot of hot goss, including details of a gathering of all the president's minions last July.They had a panic summit in the Situation Room to try to figure out how to handle the fallout from the files.The Situation Room historically is used for wars and military strikes.This time they used it to try to defuse a naughty birthday card their boss made for a pedophile friend of his.The president was not in the Situation Room.He was busy in the Constipation Room posting, but his inner circle was all there to have what they described as a surreal meeting detailing allegations that Trump had an aggressive nipple fetish.

At one point, the vice president, J .D.Vance, said he thought the president would be OK with releasing the nipple -related documents, arguing that he had been accused of worse.Please, calm down.It's a nipple won't make a ripple with this guy.Can you imagine if this happened in Trump's first term?

Imagine Mike Pence having to deal with nipple -related email.He'd be in a cold shower for two weeks.Mother would have to do an exorcism on him.J .D.Vance argued that all the files should be released as soon as possible, which of course, as soon as they are, he's going to be marching along the hill to the chief.

He wants those out there.Meanwhile, in Washington today, Bill Gates testified in front of the House Oversight Committee about his relationship with Jeffrey Epstein and did a little pregame with reporters in the hall.

I'm glad to be here voluntarily to testify.

Yes, I'm sure you're.Thrilled.I'm sure you're very glad to be there voluntarily to testify.I was just in the neighborhood getting my hair butchered at Supercuts.I thought I'd stop by.Seriously, are we supposed to believe you are glad to be there to testify?

I mean, he's like, do I look like a guy who needs help meeting girls?That's ridiculous.Meanwhile, still no testimony from Trump, who is very busy with his reflecting pool and ruining Knicks games.You know, speaking of Knicks games, every year during the NBA finals, we set out, we put loyalty of the fans to the test.And the test is we try to convince fans of one team to appear in a promo supporting the other team.In this case, the Spurs and the Knicks.

And off to San Antonio we went to see if we could get Spurs fans to spurn their hometown team in a new NBA Finals edition of Trader Schmoe's.

How do you like the Spurs?I love them.What do you love about them?Everything about him.You guys are ride -or -die fans.Yes, sir.

It's a fiercely loyal fan base.

Very loyal.

It is for sure.

F**k the Knicks.F**k New York.Go Spurs go.

Big Spurs fans?Of course, 100%.What do you like about him?I love their class.How do you guys feel about New York?

I can't stand New York.Why?Because I just don't think they're in the same league as us.

Go Spurs, go!

You guys are great.I gotta ask you, you guys have the best look, the best attitude of anyone we've talked to.I gotta talk to New York Knicks fans in this.I know, exactly.And they're awful.Can I get you guys to do me a huge favor?

Just for a second, pretend to be New York Knicks fans.

Just real quick, just real quick.

You have no idea what you're doing to this man. I know, I know.

What are you guys doing?

We're miserable.You guys look great.Look right in there and say, they call Texas the Lone Star State because most people are in solitary confinement.

They call Texas the Lone Star State because everybody's in solitary confinement.

Hello, young lady.What's your name?

Angelina.

Where you from, Angelina?

I'm from San Antonio, Texas.

You guys the most loyal fans?

Yes.Oh, definitely.Yes.Ghostbusters, go!

That's great.I hate to ask you this, but we got to shoot the other side of this with New York fans, and we don't want to have to go all the way to New York.Hello, what's your name, young lady?

Do I say my name?

Yeah, sure, sure.

OK.Angelina.

And where in New York are you from?

Boston.

Oh, that's great.What do you do out there?

I'm a cop.

Oh, great, great.That's got to be a tough life out there, huh?

Definitely.

Look right in and say, let's go Spurs.Let's go Spurs.Wow, Noe, that was great, man.It's boiling out here.We can't find a single Knicks fan.Can you just help us out?

Just throw this on real quick.Oh, man. I know, I know.

Hey, New York, I'm Ne 'er Mondo.That's how I go from New York in the Knicks.

Thank you, Mr. Mayor.Appreciate your time.I know you're a busy man.Yes, sir.

No, you're good.

How you doing, sir?I'm doing great.What's your name?My name is Chris.Where you from, Chris?I'm from Waco, Texas.

Oh, that's some voice you got.Let me hear a y 'all.

Y 'all.Give me another one.Y 'all, y 'all, y 'all, y 'all.Forget about it.Forget about it.Forget about it.

You know who lived in New York?York in 2018 and went to a Knicks game, Jeffrey Epstein.Go Spurs, go!Spurs game, Lee Harvey Oswald.Go Knicks!

Remember the aggregate 9 -11, go Knicks!

York is a city that never sleeps because they're all high on meth.Spurs go!Antonio is a city that never sleeps with beautiful women!

How'd that feel, Steven?

Are those working guns?

Yes, sir.You're in the state of Texas, baby.Open carry.Are they loaded?

They're always loaded.Go Spurs, go!