we finally filmed an IRL podcast! - GOONS #217

I'm going to go to the up to step up at the dip open at the what a man is a gas. Yeah, that is that is so so much. I literally cannot see anything other than like swagger for you know this thing. This thing's annoying. I'm taking it

off. Oh,

oh man, it sucks in there. It's hot in there. It is, I bet.

I wasn't expecting that out early. We had a little game plan. He's just ready to f***.

He's like, f*** this shit.

30 seconds of wearing a box and you're all done. It was pretty annoying. It kept going everywhere. It is, yeah. We made that in like five minutes before the show.

There's nothing to hold it together, so.

No, that had been stabilizing in there. It was a big, wide cavern.

Welcome back.

Yeah, welcome back to the episode of.

The Goons Podcast, live. We're in person. We can touch each other.

Handshake.

Yeah, that was nice. You're moist. I am. I drink a lot of GamerSup. They have a lot of caffeine. Speaking of, we're here at the GamerSup's office in Austin, Texas. They were nice enough to set up a little podcast studio for us to chill at. Of course, they hooked us up with their very own Grandpa's Ashes. We're drinking a couple also have our good cans or GG cans. Drinking that. Having a good time in Texas with you guys so far. It's been a lot of fun.

I think my favorite part about meeting everyone in person, I mean obviously we all met but we haven't met McNasty before at this point, But one thing you kind of mentioned there of like, dude's hands. I think that's the funniest thing is shaking hands for the first time and you get the initial vibe of what kind of person they're like, the roughness of their hands. Oh, yeah. Dude had these softest little supple fingers I have ever

touched in my life. I swear for someone who plays guitar very frequently I thought that your your fingertips would be rather calloused and tough. The tips are fucked but the rest is soft. They feel like slightly melted little Twix bars. Oh yeah? It's a little bit melted and you just kind of glide across them.

You say you have gay hands basically.

Yeah you got gay hands.

Okay, vitamin E oil.

Yeah, we put cuticle oil on. You put cuticle oil on? My hands are fucked. You got, you got, you got,ils. Your absolute meat missile of hands, just fucking pork twirling it.

Look at the size, look at the size of that. Hold a good can.

Yeah.

That's a shot glass. Show that to the camera, it's like Shaquille O'Neal in a fucking water bottle.

Dude, I bet you look like you got a baby dick

when you're beaming. Honestly, yeah. I mean it's already kind of small and it just makes it worse.

If you want to get your own GoodCans or your own Game Recipes merch, go on over to GameRecipes.gg. Use code GOANS for 10% off your order. That's us right there on the...

Actually, our Pixel Cup just dropped. We have it right here.

It did. It's so sick.

Not sure if it'll still be out

By now you may have already seen he posted his face reveal video by the way, it was really good. Thanks. You haven't made it yet Do you have any plans? For how you're gonna do it. I don't just want to do traditional just rip it off. Just rip it off

We had a whole plan ahead of time. We literally talked about this We're like, yeah, we'll talk for like five minutes and then you know You can can pull your head off and we'll do like a little bit out of it You literally did not make it more than maybe a minute. I wanna know how moist that box is. Did you get claustrophobic in there?

It's just, it gets hot very fast. When I started beatboxing, I was literally shooting hot breath into it. So it got hot very fast.

Oh, did you hot box your own hot breath?

Yes. Oh, I'm vile.

And we just ate like a pound of meat before this too.

Yeah, we just had some. Speaking of breath, yesterday we went to a cafe. It was yesterday, right? We went to a cafe for breakfast.

Yeah, that was yesterday.

And dude, we're all getting our order taken. It's in the morning, we're all a little tired, we're all just kind of booting up. I order a coffee and an orange juice, as you do. It's breakfast. It goes around, I think, what did you order,

McDaniels, just a soda or something And then it goes around to do the waiter goes what would you like sir and to do without

Skipping a beat looks him dead in the eyes. He says oh, can I get like a glass of milk? Glass is not a weird thing. He's all take a big talk and the guy looked down like

Milk the guy who was trying so hard not to laugh. He was holding back like.

You're a grown man.

You're a grown man. And dude's like, I just need some calcium, man. The guy's like, no problem, dude. And then I said. Get some another, get some a glass of milk. He pounds that shit.

Yep. Coke with it too. What's a Coke? You ordered it with a Coke, a Coca-Cola. Not even a Pepsi. I literally asked the waiter, I was like, you don't have Pepsi? So one time they don't have Pepsi.

Can I have milk?

I had to make kilk.

Dude, the milk order is crazy. That's like a golden retriever would order at a restaurant.

That's a weird vibe.

He hands you like two glasses of milk! Back to back glasses of milk. I fucking love milk. You're such a weird little guy.

Have you ever tried to put grandpa's ashes in milk?

Oh shit.

Do we have milk here?

Did Swags, didn't we do that?

I was gonna say, I'm pretty sure we did that. Is there milk here?

By the way, we have an actual production team today helping us out. It's true, GamerSoup is nice enough to supply us with their own team. Our version of Jamie, Corey just went to go get some milk. And then we got Josh helping us out too, who has worked with Shane Gillis multiple times. So this is quite a downgrade for him. He's like, God, I can't wait to leave. He's a solicitor in the goon's pocket. It's like a make or break day for us. We can pull up anything. You can literally talk about whatever we want.

Pull up a boner.

He's gone getting milk.

Show me Goatsy.

Still not here.

Gentlemen, we just went through before this episode started that you can't even access pornography in the great state of Texas without a valid photo ID. That's true. So me and Duke can't watch porn here. We can't watch porn together. Unless also let's we had to face reveal to the government if we wanted to go to her favorite things

But like so you have to send an ID right like an actual you have to send a driver's license there now They have this ID attached. So if you're if you're jerking it to the freakiest shit ever, there's, no milk. Damn it! No, no, no, shit. They know what you're jerking it to, right? Because if you've got your digital footprint with your license attached.

Yeah.

It's like having a jerk buddy as the government. They're just keeping an eye. That's weird to me, I don't know. You don't like the idea of the government being your best pal, your buddy? I'm jerking off to but I don't have to send in my license. So I don't feel as like, you don't feel as though you give them all your info. Yeah, no, I don't know.

That's super. I didn't even I thought you guys were kidding when you said that.

No, here you said you legit had to do it. And then comment section, the comment section of Pornhub now is like Facebook with first and last names. I'm watching like stuck. But she could use a Brazilian.

Wax.

This bitch's feet is crazy.

Your dad would fucking type that.

Oh yeah.

He would. He's a, he's a feet gay.

Your dad's a feet guy.

Yeah.

Oh yeah.

Oh, you never heard of him?

The amount of lore.

No, I've never heard about his dad on this podcast.

Yeah.

Big daddy lore is fucking insane. My dad is definitely, he's the type of, like he'll like see a woman walking around at like the grocery store, he's like, hey, did you see that bitch's feet?

It's like, no.

That is insane.

I don't look at feet. I might kill, he'll notice like bad feet too. Like there'll be like a fat guy walking around Why is he looking at dude's feet? I don't know. He's just so fascinated with feet.

All feet, it has nothing to do with, it's not even a gendered feet thing.

Is he just like bisexual?

He just doesn't give a shit about the foot.

He's not attracted to the ugly feet, he just points it out.

I know he's not attracted to the, who would be attracted to ugly feet? You're gonna have beautiful feet have like another fetish with the foot has to be ugly. He also hates, he points out ugly big toes a lot.

Ugly big toes?

Yeah, he'll see somebody who's like, damn, I'm a big ass big toe.

What's the specification of like an ugly big toe?

Like a nice, big, long, y'all.

Did you call up your dad on FaceTime and have him rate all the big toes?

Oh.

Not so far.

Yeah. So yeah, I would be a terrible way to spend our first episode in person. So we all get to show off her feet

Today

What's that one website they like show celebrity fee I figure what it's called I have this no, no, no I was curious if you'd get fee finder Wait, yeah I have this no no no I was curious if you'd get feet finder

We're gonna we're gonna we're gonna see

We're gonna see live on the show Feet finder rating we have do I have pictures of my feet agree continue except all

self feet

No not boring I can sell feet on the street. It does not count as porn. This doesn't count as porn. I think it just has to classify as nudity.

It depends what the feet are doing.

The do.

If you're on here, I'm gonna shit.

Fee-do.

Oh, sellers. Wait. You can sell?

People are selling my feet?

To the audio listeners at home, Feetfinder.com is loading as we search the deuce feet it is stuck loading how many photos do you have your feet audio listeners at home there are a bunch of profiles ladies that lady had her breasts out oh Oh, oh man.

It's about, wait, no, that's sellers. It's sellers.

Can we just, can we just Google images it? I want to see if something comes up.

This is for, those are for sellers. He wouldn't be selling them.

No, but yeah.

Isn't there, isn't there just. You couldn't put a price on these. Feet. Wiki feet is what we're talking about. Not foot finder. That's an actual fetish site.

And wiki feet is not. Oh my god. They're injured.

They're heading toes.

Wiki feet is funded by the people.

That's actually what me and do are doing under the table. By the way, I've been holding toes the whole time.

You have long ass legs.

Is this an egg?

Literally just standing at the top of it.

Oh, for real? I opened up this side. There it is.

Alright.

I gotta be on here.

I don't...

No!

Look up Swagger Souls. Do you have your feet anywhere?

You need to make a feet account to change souls to SOL.

No way.

Celebrity found but not under the...

What category?

Can we find...

WikiFeet men.

Maybe WikiBall. found but not under the category can we found wiki maybe wiki ball wiki feet man go to wiki feet men I guess so there's apparently a mess only one there's one photo photo yeah one photo of my feet out there wait there's a link right go

to wiki feet man dude eyes No way. Oh, and there's a pop it. There's the egg again. I think that was literally, was that a cock?

What?

Before?

No.

I hope so.

No?

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

That is a dick.

That is a dick.

No way.

That's not a dick.

It's fucking my right foot.

It's a finger with gel on it.

Oh.

Wow. That's crazy. That's a good looking foot. That is my foot. What do you think your dad would think of that foot? Yeah, what would your dad think of that? It's a pretty normal foot.

I said, that wouldn't be sexy or ugly? Nah. Middle of the road.

A pretty neutral foot. Basic foot. No real opinion on it.

I have to say, this was back in 2019, so this was, it was... Have you worked on them since then? I have worked on my feet. I a lot of a lot of campers tips, tips,

no, what the fuck are you a dill? No,

man. I don't know just like just like, I can't, what are you trying to say? I can't see, but it's just like, I don't know. Like if you want to do this real quick, you can just kind of

like slide it in there, scrub it around. But you guys are nimble. I'm not very I do I do cuz this is your first time really like traveling is your first time on an airplane

You weren't joking You literally have a horse here brush scrub your

It's the one that has like the individual like little plastic thingies

The bristly one fingers. No, like you've seen like those like a dude's like are you talking about brushes?

Like for horses a hairbrush. No, it's not seen like those brushes. It's like a dude's hand. Like are you talking about brushes for a horse? Like for horses?

Like a hairbrush, no.

It's not for horses.

A comb?

You brush your dick with comb?

A brush.

You ever hold a hairbrush that has a handle on it?

Are you talking about the hand,

like the rubber-tipped things? No, what is that? That's like a grill brush. Oh, no, you might have some of this. We don't know what you're talking about, bro.

Nobody in this room...

There's six people in this room and none of them know what you're talking about.

Brush for hair.

You know, the thing that you use to scratch your ballsack.

Yeah, we all have one.

You see that curved Walmart one right there? That's the exact one.

You put your nuts to that? The plastic fingers. The one with the black lady brushing her hair. Yeah.

What the fuck?

Well, she's getting a lot more use out of it than I am. No, not that one.

No, you're falling for that one. Does your fucking, does your scrotum have,

it covered it, look, right there, the Walmart one.

Yeah, that's the one. You can't see that. I mean the skin is kind of wavy. Oh, you get a perm a ball perm. Yeah, I earned his balls. That was George Clooney George Clooney. I'm just Yeah, no his his scrote his actual scrotum wrinkles out of it. It's a cosmetic that de wrinkled his balls. Yeah

Who would want to smooth?

Sink, I don't know like a funny prank you could do if your friend falls asleep first of the sleepover just do you

Smooth as balls out

How the fuck do we? Surely not both tastes like remove excess skin. It's like a no Way How do you unwrinkle your ballsacks? I guess we gotta use our uh... Don't you need that extra skin for it to like expand? That's the thing you need it for. Because this is a fun fact that the ladies may not know, the balls undulate depending on whether... Scrotox!

What?! It's called Scrotox!

That was crazy.

That's clever though. So as you were saying, the balls undulate depending on... They go up and down. So as you were saying, the balls undulate depending on the temperature outside.

Yeah, it's long ball summer right now.

Do you guys nuts actually go inside your body?

Mine had before.

Yours do? Your balls go inside your body?

They don't like shoot up into your heart.

You'll have like dick, then like scrote, but it's just like your scrote is so crunched up that it just looks like dick.

Let's have a raisin.

So what do we got? It's kind of cold in here.

So here, I'm going to do it with like my hand. So imagine you got like. May I go on in?

I feel like we're playing charades right now.

Is it a duck?

Is it a dog? Is it a dog?

Yeah. Yeah Yeah, yeah balls get smaller it's like a swan

Pornographic shadow puppets over here you can't do that in touch Fucking a prehistoric was fucking a bunch of cavemen doing shadow puppets

Maybe lit first porn. I would love to see like really do we look up shadow puppet porn is anything way, bro We are really

Cory right now

Shadow puppet porn

No way It's porn oh we just talked about this right let's turn off I mean I had a wait turn turn on dude they're gonna they're gonna come in here for a meeting There's the shadow puppets fucking each other. Oh, wow. It's pretty good. Oh my, who's the hedgehog lady?

That's Maya Zeta. He's a hedgehog lady.

Rogue the bat.

I feel like dude.

All right, we have to blur this whole thing.

Yeah, it's gotta be blurred.

All right.

For the audio listeners.

I've had enough of looking at porn with you guys this weekend.

We just. looking at porn with you guys this weekend. It has been an awful life. There's been a lot of fresh this weekend with all the goons. First time seeing each other in person. First time hanging out. First time watching porn together as a group. And first time smoking weed together. Me and dude smoked weed for the first time

the other day. It was good.

Dude's a little rascal these days.

He's not the little piss ant he used to be. He's not our little choir boy anymore. He's there you go.

How was it?

What was your first time smoking? Well, I was drunk off my ass when I did it. So I got crossfaded. So pretty much the first half of that dinner, I was very present. Yeah.

We went out to smoke halfway through. Yeah, you did go sure you were there.

I was literally asking, I was like, how you doing? Like, oh, I was gone. Spinning. You start, you were getting the spins at dinner, huh?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, I got to teach him how to inhale properly. Cause a lot of people, they don't, they don't know how to inhale. So what I always tell him to do is that you suck it in your mouth like a straw, you suck it in, and then you go, to make sure you get it all in. And you got to make sure the smoke hits the bottom of your lungs. It hit his, you know how I know that? Because he was hauled over from nearly dry heaving inside of the restaurant.

but this is the last one. I get nonverbal is a podcast with voices.

Editor.

You need to let the, you're black.

Do you see it?

Do you see it?

Do you see it?

Do you see it? I mean, I'm literally the opposite of this. I'm whiter than dew. I actually, yeah, I'm not the whitest podcast.

I am very pale. I'm Irish.

You're almost red.

I'm like half Irish, yeah. I roast yummy for baby all the time. I am literally pale.

I'm just gonna hash it with the grandpa's ashes here. Save that, I'm gonna drink that shit.

We'll be shipping it up to one lucky viewer. Swagger's a joint. Just my ashes. Hell yeah, Swagger's ashes.

You can probably sell it on eBay for like 10 grand. People buy weird shit on eBay.

If one of us dies prematurely, surely we have to monetize that and make a flavor, right? 100%. Like yeah, if a dude dies or whatever. Like sell their actual body to our fans.

Yeah.

We can already do that right now. They just still alive. That's true shit. I know You start drawing your farts You start drawing your hearts literally within the first fucking 30 seconds of you guys meeting I gave me nasty regular hug said, you know So nice to finally meet you do bro literally went upies had his legs wrapped around like nasty and then within five minutes You fucking farted on him kept walking

Do we went to the I had to get all the shit out who went to the music store? You were farted on him and kept walking. You did. Dude, when we went to the music store. I had a checklist.

I had to get all the shit out of him.

When we went to the music store, you were farting on me so hard. Loud ass farts, dude. The first couple farts I heard were very baby farts, but you were blasting them at the-

Nervous. We visited a music store yesterday with no intention really of buying anything to go there. We just wanted to go there and jam and see what was awesome. Has a big music scene. So there was actually a lot to go and fuck with. And it was, it was crazy. We're walking around the music store.

He said, sounded any single instrument and he's like, Oh yeah, I know how to play this. And then he's just like an autistic savant, you know, and you can tell him oh yeah, play the song he's like oh yeah. I know that song dude. It was fucking pretty pretty got damn impressive literally play the

most beautiful music ever stands up and just

it's literally Mozart. It's literally Mozart. It would play a beautiful tone and then rip bass yeah. Is that like your most art Laura? I don't know about yeah dude you know most pull up the clip of Mozart farting. There's a clip of that. That's not a real clip. Pull up the clip of Mozart farting from the hit movie, Amadeus.

Fart song.

Dirty Mozart.

I don't know that one.

I don't know.

I don't know anything.

Mozart and pooping.

You might've just made this. You might've just fucking farted. The real guy. I'm sure he farted a few times in his life. He would fart and make it a big thing. Hold on, the real guy.

The actual Amadeus Mozart. And you're telling me- Look up, did Mozart actually fucking rip fucking ass as a part of his fucking character.

That exact Google search.

It literally had all the fucks to that. Did Mozart fucking shit his like all you should fuck Mozart wrote a piece called like it missed my ass that's not far what yes all right do I have to let me ask fucking grog okay I'm gonna kind of. What? The un-woke AI? Mozart could've played with the goons, dude. Mozart definitely could've. Yeah, we could've done song in an hour with his guitar. I feel like you're absolutely, dude,

you definitely just got really high one night and just made up Mozart.

Yeah, you probably dreamt that. On a Fent trip.

Fent trip, he was Fent-lingin' I'm not fucking hallucinating. You are absolutely okay. But that's also this doesn't even mean anything. This is not even the real Mozart. This is nothing.

Yeah.

I get this literally looks like a scary movie.

Like I'd say Obama fart and just find a clip of somebody pretending to be Obama.

I mean, I'll fart for you right now.

Do you have you got that fart? But it is.

Well, you're gonna fart You as a flatulence you I feel much elusive. Oh, right now. I feel weird farting on other people

Did he fart did he do it I

Can't believe this how we're using a production team to find Mozart. Yes!

Oh!

There you go!

Shit! You yelled the assassin!

Grok is telling me, I'm not fucking crazy, you're likely thinking of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart who is notorious for his scatological humor. That means involving poop. Scat is poop. He didn't just fart or defecate for laughs on stage, but his letters and some compositions are packed with crude bathroom centric jokes For example he wrote to his cousin. I wish you good night, but first shit in your bed and make it burst is apparently

That's the that's autistic race. Yo, burst a hot turd for me.

I'm taking that.

That's literally that's literally good night bitch. But first shit your bed a little. Shit your bed and fart. He literally says shit like literally does that ass shit. Do you fart and shit with that ass is what he was saying.

That is crazy.

And then he penned a canon called, Lek Mik Im Arsch, which translates to lick me in the ass.

Incredible.

No evidence does confirm that he disrupted performances with actual farts.

But poop humor was common in 18th century German culture. Really? I feel like if you make a fart joke now in Germany, they just kick you out immediately.

They're just serious.

I'm sure there's a Goonz fan who is an expert in the field of Mozart. If you could kindly explain in the comment section down below that I am right and everyone is wrong, that would be big appreciated and we'll pin you down and like it too.

What? I would be very surprised if we had a Mozart expert as a fan.

You think?

I don't know. I think there's a lot of crossovers.

We got a Mozart expert on the show right now.

We do have doctor fans.

Yeah, that was surprising. I mean, we had a Nigerian pop star.

Oh, really?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, dude.

Oh, yeah. Oh, I did. I did watch that part. I like skipped to that part. There was so many comments that were like 22. That guy was insane.

Yeah.

I could watch that part.

Yeah.

Shout out that guy.

Wisdom.

Yeah.

Wisdom. Anyway, McNasty. Yeah. Obviously we're saying this is your first time traveling. Yeah.

How's that been? plane? Um, the first time it was kind of a little bit scary. Obviously I feel like everybody's first flight is weird. Um, the lightheadedness from the takeoff, that was definitely like, I was freaking myself out over that. And I was just like, am I dying? Like am I having a heart attack right now?

If you would have died on a flight, that might've been the funniest thing.

Oh my dude. Don't even say that. I just said my home tomorrow. That's an immediate heart attack on the way here.

They would have just been a delivery system for your corpse at that point. Like you would have just ruined everybody's day.

Oh my God, yeah.

Asshole.

Are you afraid of flying?

It's never really been like, I was never really afraid of it. It was more just like the stress of the whole thing. I don't do well under that kind of stuff kind of retarded

I'm going outside

Yeah, is it the whole thing of traveling or is it the thing is going on the plane everything and yeah, it's your first flight

From where I live to Dallas was like three hours Oh, yeah, and then from Dallas to Austin was like 30 because you have a window seat. No, no No, I flew with my girlfriend and she was in a window seat. And I was like the...

That bitch! The window seat's the best!

She likes window seats, so I was like, you can have it, it's fun. But the second flight from Dallas to Austin, I did have a window seat. Were you like a little dog, like face pressed against a glass looking outside? That's me. face pressed against the glass looking at me like the kids. The second flight was nearly as bad since I already kind of got rid of the anxiety from the first plate. But yeah, I

have a brain fart. for a second. I just reached in and grab your brain rubbing you under the table. The last for you to win your brain, you see your organs, the warm to your pleasure.

I've ever seen

I feel like that's the kind of stuff I do more IRL than I do like on the because, like when you guys are talking to some not just going to go

I brain for it. Sometimes what were you saying? That was a brain dire. You

know it. I was the that was a burst in the bed.

no, but the second flight, uh, since I had already gotten rid of the anxiety from the first one, uh, the second flight, I was just kind of looking at the whole time and it was during the day too, because the first flight was during the night. So I couldn't really see much outside, just like lit up cities. Yeah, but when we started getting closer to Austin, there's hella clouds and they're all zooming by I was like, oh, it's so cool. So, you know the clouds but Yeah, it was pretty easy pretty Just the layover layovers kind of suck cuz you have to wait a little while and you just kind of get like bored

But the long story short is you didn't mind it, right? So more so you can more 100% yeah Especially once well till swagger goes back to the land down under we'll have to do at least a couple more of these for sure Yeah, it'd be great Yeah, we we tried to go last night tried to have a good time. Yeah, six straight Little bit fucking cooked. I feel like I hyped it up a lot in the past and to be fair

It was so much more fun, man It was fine for those for those and affiliated who don't know we're talking about six street is a very famous street for Austin, Texas and nightlife where everyone would go out All the all the all the baddies with there with the pink cowboy fucking head song going out

There's some fire covered in the six you see that over the glitter time You used to be able to walk in the middle of the street. They used to block it off. Yeah, they would block it off.

So there were no cars. The entire street was for people walking and drinking. I wonder where they changed that. It had all the-

Look at that, that person's dead.

That's fun. That's a corpse. It's fun when people die on Sixth Street. a bunch of girls supporting girls. You love a bunch of, you know, it was like Mardi Gras or something. Yeah, dude, it got crazy. It got lit. And so, you know, we were expecting a similar sort of vibe

going back to sixth street, but apparently they block or they don't block off the street anymore. We're only for like an hour.

So the sidewalks are super packed.

I don't even think they did it last night, did they? I think for the hour that they did, we were in a bar.

Yeah, okay. Yeah, it was, there used to be the one bar, the guy just sits outside and he just has a little phone that says big ass slide. And what we used to do there is we used to sit at the bottom of the slide and drink

and watch drunk people come down the slide and it had like rules of like you know feet first whatever no drinks all this no one follows the rules obviously drunk guys they don't fucking care they're trying to show off they're trying to show off for the ladies three of them at once tumbling down the slide right there it's a big snake we used to sit at the bottom and just watch people come out of there at like a mock fuck off shit drink in their hand three dudes deep their legs over their head flying down the thing

you saw it fun that's why I did what yellow at first but then like halfway hand, three dudes deep, their legs over their head flying down the thing. It used to be so much fun. Well that's slide. That slide is slow at first, but then like halfway down it hits like Nos and just sends... No, it's... but also it's... that's blood from somebody's ass. That just... it grips your real hard.

Yeah, so when...

That's what we used to watch.

That guy...

He'll be that. Burst a hemorrhoid, go down there. Yeah, dude, we were the only ones up there. We went up the stairs and I was like telling them all kind of amped about it and you're like,

yeah, it's got a slide.

Well, it's gonna be great. We walk up the steps and I think we were,

there was two other people there. Yeah, two other girls having a drink, not even like near the slide.

And then just us hanging out there, Most of the bars that we went to were like maybe at half less than a half capacity There was one good bar when we went to West we took the fucking tuk-tuks. Yeah, those electric the electric chariots. Yeah That was pretty good We did almost Well the thing would we were we went out with a with the boys withess Boys, with Grizzy, Puffer, Pet, no not Pezzy, it was Puffer,

Droid and Grizzy. And so we both, you know, both groups took our respective tuk-tuks and then, you know, Droid went to pay the first guy and then he gave him like 30. Well the first guy swindled him. The first guy looked back and the other dude knew. 30 for both. Yeah, they were laying at 30 for both.

The guys didn't know each other at all. So the dude drops us off. The other guy is right behind him. Joy goes, yeah, dude, thanks. Gives him 30 bucks. And then he just leaves.

That guy just zoomed off.

He just zoomed off.

He took off with the 30 bucks. And then we're about to leave, we say goodbye to the other guy, and the other guy's like, wait a minute, I didn't get paid. And we're like, what? And then Joy was like, oh, here you go. And then we're like, all right, now bye. But yeah, it was crazy. It was a big fleece.

Yeah, we almost swindled that guy.

Yeah, that one guy, he just he went like a few blocks. Yeah, the cash at them and then gave him cash That's crazy, I bet guy was happy, you know, yeah

Kung-fu saloon. Yeah, there's a little bit of arcade We're in there is a little too busy for them to do it this time. Okay, it was closing last time We convinced him to put Stadium Range Rave by Spongebob. We convinced him to put that song on. And the bartender was like standing on the bar, like throwing napkins like a dollar bill at strippers, and we were just fucking dancing under to Spongebob music.

It was a good time. But yeah, it's still fun. That bar is that far from home.

Well, this time around, we were gonna do that again. They tried to kill the vibe. Yeah, apparently we were ruining Manny Pacquiao's vibe. They didn't want to kill the fucking vibe. Well, guess how long Stadium Rave is? It's like two minutes and 43 seconds. If that.

And you don't even need to play the whole thing. Yeah, just mix it in. Mix it into fucking Sexy Red or whatever playing in the background what fucking vibe are we on right now? I mean there was like one person twerking on someone else. Yeah, there's a little bit of that Hey, she talks about her coochie. I I mean, I literally it's really why he ever talks about her coochie I don't I like letting it breathe. Are you seeing your coochie? Wait, was it her? Yeah, it was her It's just like she's a sex tape. Yeah, really, I feel like it was a lizard down there. It's all weird and scaly It does kind of like a dragon mouth a little bit

Dragon yeah, that's somebody stabbed. It's like very red on the inside. I mean like a fitting name

Insane like a

Dragon slayer yeah, you took a stab at it, and it's dark

What's the analogy?

There you have it

Yeah, I don't think I don't want to see it. I just saw a description. I like the head cannon. I just got from McNasty. Speaking of

leech, have you guys seen Conor McGregor's? His penis?

I have not yet, but I still need to research. Unfortunately, we're in Texas, so I can't

find it. The leech I saw wasn't real, apparently, because you

guys were saying he's got a dang worm. We were saying it was a hog. The photo I saw was just like a silly little worm. No, was he a wreck? No, I think he saw the flaccid form. No, I saw an erect unclothed wiener. I didn't see a big one. Of an Irishman. How did he get leaked? It sounded like an there. Is Zaylie Banks one of the most... I would imagine. And I say this with respect and love, one of the most mentally ill singer-songwriters out there. Just kind of fucking unhinged.

Right on.

Does he have a wife? Does he have a wife?

No, he's running to be the president of Ireland.

I don't know what that has to do with a wife.

Oh, just... You know. Oh, just thank you. All right. Thanks for the I don't think he has a wife. Does he have a wife? He does have a wife.

I don't fucking know. I know. All right. Paul Conor McGregor's wife. I know he punches people and probably has CTE. Yeah. Look at that. He's

was your headline saying

clearly not happy. Not happy. Okay. His wife's not happy. Okay, his wife's not happy. That's a That bitch, that's a shame Wow, that's really interesting

Hey Conor McGregor's wife if you want to come on the podcast at any point the offers there Would they happy to talk to you about anything? I have a wild feeling

No woman is coming on after how we just described sexy Reds cooch True I have a wild feeling no woman is coming on after how we just described sexy Reds cooch true That's cute, that's a blood diamond right yeah like six kids died for that thing

stuck that in between Smuggled it in a Light aircraft all right all right you get this guy off the screen get this fucking guy off the screen anything else fun happened yesterday

I'm trying to think of.

We played beer pong, which was good.

Yeah, McNasty didn't even fucking come over.

McNasty threw up twice after we ate food.

I did a yak in the toilet. Would you have bad shrimp?

What do you think it was?

I don't, because nobody else gets.

You did have shrimp and grits and then shrimp at dinner. Yeah. You'd shrimp at dinner. I love shrimp. You didn't shrimp.

I fucking love shrimp.

I'm actually not.

They don't love you.

I'm not huge on shrimp cocktails.

I'm passionate about shrimp.

That one we did have was pretty good.

You did actually, I remember you specifically holding up a shrimp at me and going, Larg, this is what it looks like and then I pointed a shrimp cocktail sauce And you yeah, you dripped it in the cocktail. It was a large it was it was an average size shrimp

I would I would I would say it was

Listen I'm gonna use it Google fuck what these shrimps called there's like exactly They're like 12 ounce shrimps. They're Google Google 12

Big ass big girl big ass shrimp.

Motherfucking shrimp.

I think that's called a lobster.

No, fuck off.

There's a place, hold on, I'll be able to tell you.

Oh, it's a giant tiger prawn?

I don't know what it is.

It's caught off the coast of Africa specifically, and it's this big old fuck off shrimp, and it's like 12 ounces of shrimp. Oh my god. when a bitch say you build like a shrimp just say one of those guys cuz they're yeah dude look at that guy what the hell yeah I had one of those filleted with like cheese on it

it was crazy it was so good cheese and shrimp it was good it was good shrimp I just it's a lot of crap when you say that your dick built like a shrimp, say nah, this shit a prawn. This shit a big ol' African shrimp. Yeah, those things are crazy.

Big ol' African shrimp. I don't know if you can get away with saying that. They're off the coast of Africa.

The one I, the shrimp I put in my mouth was caught off the coast of Africa. The shrimp that you put in your mouth was African? The only place to get is shrimp. It didn't look big and black in the photo Yeah It wasn't a penis guys and talk about an actual shrimp a BBS on it Show us more BBP shrimp pull up shrimp cock. I want to see what we pull up the anatomy of a shrimp and what a shrimp cock is

Cuz I'm actually curious now. Do they just come on eggs like salmon do? Or do they actually mount? Imagine one of them doing no shrimps fucking.

Dude, shrimps be fu- how do shrimps fuck?

How do shrimps fuck?

We actually can't- we can't continue the podcast-

Shrimp fuck how to.

Until we get to the bottom of this.

This is the first time we meet in person, we need to get to the bottom of things. How to shrink the important pie chart. They had a circle circle chart. What's the process? Over again? What? 25 days? Shrimp blitz. Shrimp blitz juvenile shrimp. And then they fucking it just says they fucking one day shrimp and then over egregious over Gary is what have we learned? I don't't know that's I want to have their

world how they come I don't want to put them on their prescription oh I can't see yeah look up five mating behaviors of the Caridian shrimp this might be the are you guys not interested in this might be the least all right fuck you then we can editor just leave the scrap the shrimp. No, we can leave the shrimp. It's fine. Oh, apparently it wasn't good enough for the listeners. I'd like to make a public apology to all the people that had to deal with that horrible Do you think there's a shrimp phobia? Do you think people out there are scared of shrimp? There's people scared of everything.

Can you imagine that? It's like an 18 letter name though. Oh wait, pteridophobia. It is the fear of shrimp.

The fear of...

What about a shrimp is scary?

It's antennae.

If you were deathly allergic to shrimp or your father was deathly allergic to shrimp and you witnessed your father die after eating shrimp. You would be scared of shrimp

I wonder if it's just a fear of dying from eating a shrimp or like you just look at a shrimp and

I mean, they're kind of what mentally you have to have fucked up to be scared in Yeah, it would have been Japan in Japan. They when we got Anytime we got shrimp there. They serve it to you with the head and you're supposed to eat the whole head and eyeballs and everything

It's the whole guy I know like chat like a like Asian culture a lot of Asian cultures don't like wasting food

Like cow tongue was the weirdest. Oh, yeah, but when it's sliced thin, it's delicious. But they gave us like, dude, it was like a half inch thick chunk of cow tongue. And it was like gelatinous and it licked you back. And so, my bad, y'all. I didn't mean to talk in between McNasty's burps.

I'm gonna have to throw this away. I didn't talk between my burps.

Apologize to our producer. I gotta do it at least one time. I remember I was saying, oh yeah, that tongue's weird.

In some cultures, don't they eat cow puss?

Come on, man.

India.

We can't do it.

We can't just go back to this?

How does it always fall back?

No, I think that is actually lore though.

Cow pussy. I saw a post on. Horse pussy? I know there's horse pussy. I saw a post on XC everything. I imagine horse is just a statement out of context.

I know that horse pussy exists.

I know there's horse pussy.

Dude, how you feeling by the way, buddy?

I'm good.

I was going to say, you're going a little non-verbal now.

Oh yeah, I'm good.

Are we going to talk about your eyes?

Your beautiful, gorgeous blue eyes. him. At least you had your eyes closed when you're kissing him. You guys can kiss right

now and it wouldn't be gay. You should kiss in his mask. Yeah. Sure. Sure. Camera. Cheer

a little peck. Twitter is gonna. I'm gonna love this. Okay. That was interesting. It's like we're at a grade school dance.

What do you think I'm going to sit there and suck on his mouth?

I was hoping.

How about doing that? No, you're getting a peck and that is it.

No, no, no.

If we do it for more than a second, then they're going to have to submit ID to watch this podcast through Texas.

You didn't even leave him a wet spot like I

said I didn't want to suck on his mouth are you gonna do it are you gonna mouth suck oh I don't like the sound coming off No you gotta do it. You're next. We're running a train on due. Bend over. Check his pants. Oh God. I might be gay. I might be gay after this. Alright, so who else got a little chubber?

It ain't a kiss unless you use a little bit of tongue. It doesn't count. I have a chub in the back. It doesn't count unless you use tongue. What does that mean? It's like you kiss your daddy and you kiss your uncle all the time.

Oh, I meant, he said he had a back chub right now.

Oh, oh, then go on. than going poop.

You know, I was thinking about forever. I couldn't agree more. I can love these points. He's making man you? Why do you what do you offer what are you here for are being a cock right now. You mean a little cock. we want to talk about? I don't know.

What do we talk about?

We tried to win a dildo out of a vending machine.

It's true.

Is it really?

On 6th Street, there is a bar called Buck Wilds with a mechanical bull and all that. We weren't brave enough to go on mechanical bull. Breathe bro, breathe. Oh fuck, I'm sorry. We weren't brave enough to ride the radio. Yeah, there's Buck Wild. But there were a lot of different arcade machines there and fun shit. We played a little bit of Mario Kart, we had a couple of drinks and then there was this punching machine. You can prove your manliness by punching a punching bag and then it makes the number go up. But if you get a twist, but there's a twist,

this one gives you prizes but you have to hit a number exactly on the number.

Yeah and it's not like a high number too.

So you can't like punch it when you have to give it like a little, you can't punch it a little. You'll give a little love tap. No balls into it, you know? But the prizes are anywhere between like a small little pocket flashlight to like a small little dildo to like an actual big, hefty, like vibrated motherfucker. And then there were anal beads. That was our anal beads. So if you want to rip your partner like a Beyblade,

you have to get like 743 points on the meter.

You gotta hold down the one butt cheek and then just.

Yeah, pull the story. I'm sorry.

I thought you just sharted at me. Not my ass.

Oh. But yeah, that was interesting. So naturally we tried to go for a variety of prizes. Didn't get it.

Didn't get it.

No, what we did last time, cause last time they had this big old fuck off purple dildo, we thought that would be fun. This thing maybe is worth $20 a dildo, maybe.

No, those giant motherfuckers.

It wasn't like a horse cock.

Like it was like.

I was gonna say those things are like baseball belts.

Let's call it like, it was probably like 10 to 12 inches. It wasn't like a full on fucking big thing.

That's still a lot dude. That's a big dick. Silicon's pretty expensive.

I'm talking in context of a dildo here. I'm not saying anything crazy. I have a fucking 60 pound dildo. It's a5 for five tries. We spent like-

Dollar try.

We spent like two hours on it. We probably spent $500 trying to get a $20 dildo. They rob us there. Even that, even yesterday, we probably spent a good 50 bucks trying to get butt plugs that were made by a little five

girl, you probably didn't even know what he was making. Just some little Chinese kid. Some little Chinese kid, no idea who he was making. That machine probably makes them millions.

A blood bud plug?

Excuse me?

Like a blood diamond.

A blood diamond, a blood plug.

It's kinda hard to say that.

Blood bud plug.

Blood plug. Blood plug.

Blood plug.

Have we just discovered a new- We just have fish comms right now. We just have like little flood flugs. We're all drowning.

We're all drowning in a bathtub right now.

It's like blue blood. What is it? Blue bugs bleed blue blood? That one's hard to say.

I feel like we're doing Ron Burgundy's intro thing.

It's my favorite. Unique New York. My favorite safe word is Irish wristwatch. Irish wristwatch.

Try saying it. Irish wrist watch Irish wrist watch.

Irish wrist wash.

Irish wrist wash.

Irish wrist wash.

Wow yeah Irish wrist wash. Oh my god.

Best safe word. That's insane.

That's so dumb.

It's a joke.

Starts laying a log on your forehead.

Irish wrist wash. Irish wrist wash. Say it right.

Pronounce the T in wrist.

You gotta say it five times in your mouth.

Irish wrist wash. It's a joke. Starts laying a log on your forehead. I wish we swung! I wish we swung!

I said it wrong!

See?

Pronounce the T in wrist.

You gotta say it five times fast.

Oh man.

Your tongue twisty?

It's okay.

Yeah.

Gone from that one.

Now it's a little suspect there. It's just a joke.

It's in the drafts. Maybe it stays in the drafts. Do you, uh, as the, I guess, yeah, you're the only single man here I know, right?

Yeah.

Do you have any, uh, any ladies come up to you yesterday? Any baddies in Texas or what? We were actually discussing this, man, that Texas has at least that night and that particular evening in that particular part of town. And I'm not saying this is the universal rule or even a fact. It was just just an observation. A severe lack of baddies. I think there's a severe lack of baddies in the Austin area, in the Austin, Texas area.

And the thing is, maybe I was too. That's crazy. Maybe I was in the wrong part of town. Maybe, maybe. hmm, yeah, it's in the summer, it's not too good, I mean, yeah. Maybe there's a goth district I haven't heard about.

You mean the goth mommy district?

Where they're all hanging out.

There you go.

So you're into like the alt women tattoos?

I don't mind, I don't mind.

Oh, you're not a picky guy?

I'm not a picky guy, I wouldn't say. I mean prefer like he has a safe if you were to choose I were to choose if I were to pick him out in

a line yeah, I

Don't know Would you bang sexy red would have been two weeks pulled a photo is sexy red Is your sexy with three looks like a bug it looks like a bacteria. Yeah I don't know if that's racist or not Oh, let me see oh

She's very red. Yeah. I think that's the name. Yeah. She. Hold on. Yeah. Um, I don't like the face tats really. Um. That's a crazy photo one up from that by the way. Looks like a frog

waiting for a bird to come get her. I'm not, look, I don't want to. Looks like little frog. That's me sitting in your septic tank. Is he waiting for his boyfriend to get the blanket or the towel? No, look. No, probably not. Probably not. And I mean that with respect. I mean that with respect.

I just think. I don't think I would be able to match her freak.

No, I don't think so. I don't think I got enough wiener for that, I'm gonna be honest with you.

No?

No.

I feel like you have a haw. I feel like you have a big old Canadian syrup slinger.

Yeah, go.

Yeah, he's got a maple tap. He's got a tree tap.

Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, farmers come from far and wide put their little spouts in it Got a slow drip spout honey. Mmm. Go all night. I don't like that You you've pictured my wiener enough to oh I have an opinion on it all the time

Every day, what do you do?

Do I picture his cock? Oh, yeah. I

Mean you're just so vast You're weer in that way.

We're all cut, right?

Yeah.

We've been through this.

No, we talked about this. I literally feel like we talked about this a day ago.

We haven't verified this though. It hasn't been verified. I told you about my friend.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Got circumcised later. Yeah, he, oh yeah, he. That's fucking insane. I knew what you were talking about.

Yeah, we literally did talk about it this year.

Yeah, I was gonna say, we literally. I think the problem is, is everyone's always like, oh, you guys bring up the same conversations that you've had over and over. But I think the issue is, is we've been drunk every time we've talked about things.

True. new conversation. That's why you should drink. It's why you should drink it makes things fun twice. It's infinite content if you were just hammered all the time everything's great. You wake up and you're like wait I did what and it's like a game of like LA noir you get to play detective figuring out what fucked up shit you did. It's fucking great so that's I was fun. What was my point? What are we talking all right? Yeah, not we find out yesterday that none of us have for skin as

you got to take you got to take the mask off and show us what

you did.

Is it is it dripping? I've been there, yeah, we need to go in there. I need a little napkin here. Dude, it's probably human. You're going to start a little thunderstorm in there. It's going to have an ecosystem. We do turn into the goo. Oh, there's

more coming to I feel in my nose. Oh, there's more coming too. I feel it in my nose.

Yeah, you feel like you just sucked up all the snipe.

There's never one sneeze, you know? It's like an earthquake. You get the afterterm or two. You get like a secondary sneeze on it.

Have you ever met somebody that sneezes like 40 times in a row?

Yummy, yummy when the mold got him. Like a dog sniffing up dust. Yeah. Yeah, and they just go fucking crazy after. I can't get it out, man. It's like 60 times in one minute. Wait, yeah, that's possible.

It's a second sneeze.

It's a one per second? It's a second sneeze.

Where were we talking about? Oh, right, foreskin. Foreskin. Foreskin, yeah. None of us are circumcised. They reminded me. that I had in high school who was, wasn't circumcised.

He had the foreskin, got a girlfriend and the girlfriend wasn't keen on his, wasn't keen on his foreskin and convinced him to get a circumcision. And then after he got the circumcision,

she like broke up with him. So as a baby, I get you wouldn't keep a baby foreskin. Well, with an adult foreskin, can you?

Can you just keep it, take it home?

Fry it up?

Make an engagement ring out of it.

Yeah, make a calamari.

Ooh, it would be like a calamari.

One calamari piece.

A fresh calamari.

Or a couple rings. Yeah. I mean, I guess it depends on his stature. You could make like a wedding ring out of it. That would be the best wedding ring.

That would be expensive though.

I was going to say, it's true, you could make it like a leathery band and then incorporate the leather into some sort of trinket.

How many foreskins do you think you'd need to make like a leather belt? Several. What's that? You got that one. How many dicks does it take to get to the fucking loop of a belt?

Cock loop.

He's like, hey Mr. Owl, how many dicks does it take to make a whole belt?

How many tips does it take?

That's crazy.

How long have we been going by the way? Normally we have an OBS here. 57 minutes.

I could do an hour.

It's so weird how like IRL it feels so much quicker than what we're doing.

Well that's because you're actually fucking here paying attention. You're not looking at a tree outside. There's no, you can't look out the window.

I don't have RuneScape.

I don't know what playing RuneScape. The last one. Oh, you play RuneScape while we podcast?

This is who we work with, by the way. These are our fellow employees.

What are you skilled?

Last time I was doing fire making.

Why?

Just because it's mindless.

I used to do an Ironman.

What were you wood cutting though, right? To get the fire, obviously. That's a real guy right here. Yeah. Yeah, one of my best friends growing up. He's first in 99 agility I'm first first first to know the Ironman And he also he also has a magstan Ironman. Hmm. That's what I'm working towards. I have an untrimmed Slayer cape

So you are a school, huh, you are on trim yeah non-circumcised slayer cape. It always comes back to wieners. Wieners and poo.

Wieners, poo, and Gamber Substat GG. Use Code Goon. What an absolute segue. All we talk about is the great-grandpa or grandma's ashes flavor that you can get for 10% off using Code Goon.

GG Energy.

Gamber Substat GG.

Oh, we got a joint on your pants. Okay, are you going to catch fire?

Are you good?

Is it lit? Well, you're always late going back to work going back to work.

I'm just swag.

So, let me hold the money.

It's fine party.

Val.

All right.

Just love watching it in person. and watching you do that on their podcast name. And then here we are just next to me.

Never fun when it goes up into your sinuses.

I do not do well with weed. I was telling you last time, and the last time I actually like smoked was with Cryos. We were sitting there in a hotel room. It was just him and I talking. And I had my open water bottle and we were just talking

and I slowly was pouring my open water bottle and we were just talking and I slowly was pouring my my open water bottle all over my bed. He was also very high so he didn't want to interrupt me because I was talking so he just let me pour it Clark weed time. Oh god. I hate weed. Hey get ready to hear me cough 20 minutes Yes

Disclaimer this is Disclaimer this is the legal weed. What is it Delta 9? legal

You breathe it in your lungs I'm hate weed so much. I'm good, I'll freak out.

Yeah, fuck it.

What do you mean fuck it, dude?

What's the matter?

Oh, you like podcasts, you want me coughing?

You too.

Thanks. Well, yeah, I guess. It's been a pleasure to get to meet everyone in person and see how beautiful we all really are.

Well, you were saying Swags didn't look at all like what you were.

It's so funny because I wasn't expecting a beard. Can I say that? Sure. You didn't even know who I was until we like, we're hanging out for like an hour and a half, like an hour.

Literally. Yeah. I thought you were like maybe an editor or like one of Matt's friends or something ego. Damn. Yeah

It was just so loud. I didn't you were talking and you were talking very slow because you were blitzed at that I wasn't blitz. I'm just fucking high I was very coherent. This guy was the one who's out of it. Yeah, you were Walked up from a nap Like daft him up and gave him a hug though for some guy You just give me a hug. I was like, oh, you know, he's your part of the group like obviously I'm what's crazy is like, I'm surprised you weren't like we're swagger, but I think it's gonna like you were a band-aid

I wish you a state. I would be know, hi and like we're chatting with him and stuff and I was like, okay I mean, I was just being friendly. I guess you know

Yo, hey, I'm swagger. I kind of used to assume that was like saying in the group

You just like right now looking your eyes. It's just like I mean, that's what I've been seeing for a long time But just like yeah, your face is just not it's not what I thought it would really what about do Really? What about Dew? Uh, I had kinda- God, he's so fucking creepy with that stupid little face.

I hate you. He's frozen.

Look at the camera, dude.

Cause I had seen Dew's face before.

Yeah, but you saw Dew's face when he was like a little choir boy like four years ago, right?

Yeah, it's like kinda like, yeah.

It's kinda more or less the same, just an older version Yourself do you ever seen Swagger's face? He was like the least surprising person I think for like face Yeah, I he looked I literally you look like do I did not know what his face looked like and the minute I saw this Little this little figure stammering around the casino. I was like, I know that that is our little our little twink I know that's our do little guy. That's what I was looking for a black guy Yeah, you're looking for a black guy to introduce yourself to us. Very happy to find a man of comparable height to hang out with. You know what it does make me feel good too because like when I normally come to these places with Puffer, Yummy, everyone's a giant, yeah Soup, people who are all like six foot

fucking four so everyone's just like oh my god Blarkster he's like four feet tall it's like bro they are huge yep they're big you put a car next to grizzly in the car look small There's a thing there are big guys. I've been that's next to fits like forever So I look like I look really like a lot shorter than I am. Yeah, it's just like six six and I was like nice We're superior man was and then see and then fits came around the corner like damn it Yeah, no, you literally need up. He's to speak to Fitz face. It's a right, but we don't have to deal

with the chronic neck pain with the knee pain.

And nasty is big enough for all of us. Yeah,

in both dimensions, height and with

I got less.

I got length. What do you like? I like like like like like like, like your donor, like your boner. Talking about your boner right now. I just talking about his boner. You're looking at the camera. You're looking at Corey or the camera.

Look at the camera.

Look at them both.

I mean, I know you were here like 10 minutes before us.

What the fuck happened?

What did we miss? I really love gamer subs and I love all the people that work for gamer subs.

We treat them good.

We like to treat them good.

We treat them great.

I don't like what you're fucking doing right now.

It's just...

What am I witnessing?

We're gonna need a private conversation about this after the podcast.

Goons meeting.

I'm not sure, I'm not sure yet. Goons meeting in Delaware. So the goons are now going to create an HR division.

We shouldn't have that.

We probably have needed that for a very long time, I'm not going to lie to you.

Can we not do that?

No human resources? What if we had the human resources person be like an AI robot? Well then I guess it wouldn't be human resources anymore. No, it would just be AI resources. Resources are still good though.

I like resources.

Is that what George R.R. Martin stands for? George Robot Resource Martin?

Robot Resource Martin.

I'm glad somebody found that funny.

I'm glad somebody found that funny. I'm glad somebody found that funny.

I'm glad somebody found that funny. Yeah anyways Have you tried to wear Peter Griffin glasses? Sorry the laughter tried to wear Peter You're a little Peter Griffin sir. Oh the circles. No, I Can't tell what the beard was beard. Yeah, I've been told I look more like Chris Griffin always wearing a hat Yeah, you used to really long hair. I feel like you're a little freak like Chris too. Yeah. Yeah, I do What is what why is he a freak? What does he do on the show? That's freaky I mean he had a different things. Oh, I have done that blanket was like solid from I've had those before too

Well, she's like an average. I'm gonna beige thing

You fart on your dog a lot. I did that

I did that one time on video

But it wasn't like one time She was it was about a times in one video that doesn't make it in front of me outside of the blankets I was under the blanket ass facing the other way. Yeah, but you did it like she was Not do you pick up Doug and take him across the house walk back I usually spiral him into another room

Yeah, you spiral him. Yeah, just give him

Yeah, just yeah like a little fucking

Pull his tail Throw him like a discus. Unfortunately Millie does like to lay up against my back sometimes and I fucking hot Slow cook a brisket off your body heat. I do I do produce a lot of yeah, I'm like a like a water heater I'm very big

Dynamic have you ever got your sperm count checked That's a good, you know. Well, so like if you don't know heat, yeah He is like an actually you can get a fucking microphone You get a microscope put like a hundred bucks on Amazon and all you gotta do is just come and put his little smear of your semen

on a little fucking Petri sheet and then look at it. He's gonna have a little science.

And you can just judge your own quality, you come at home and not have to pay several hundred dollars for some quack to tell you that you fucking jizz consume is it gay to look at your own come like that I think if you know, it's like you're like you're like looking over Looking over you looking over like you roll it around You flush down the toilet all the time

You get jerk off in the toilet Sometimes. Oh, I feel like I wouldn't be able to aim with the toilet

Seat up. Well, I'm very tall like so like you got a long way to go

Hit off the bank for you, they might burn up before they get to the bottom of this so much distance between my wiener That's what I'm being a splash

Like you stand I'm not gonna go over the the logistics here gentlemen. I mean you brought it up Oh, well, I can't say I killed six people and then not tell us how you killed the six people You know, I got what I allegedly killed six people. I told you that the rainy street killer had in confidence You saw a killer. Is that you it was only men in the early 30s. They had nothing I get caught yet No, he's still he's still out still podcasting apparently how many people you up to now 2121 people crazy. What the hell?

Oh, so he's a permanent

Being a serious 20 25 is fucking curry. You got to be pretty good at your job Like I'll say game is game if you if you leave even a little bit of genetic evidence at the scene They just they can just cross reference it against like People who have done 23 and me who were fucking related to you and then they can just track you down through that well, even your cell phone like being pinged at certain locations like Like probably doesn't even use a cell phone. Yeah. Well, that's why I use a Faraday cage

What a fairy like isn't that what the

Faraday cage is you somebody put your phone in and it like blocks all the signal. Oh really? Oh like RFID? Oh I think I heard of that.

It blocks all the signal.

Interesting.

Yeah I mean you know I'm sure there's a few things you have to do with a prep list to kill somebody I don't know.

I don't know I haven't looked that far into it.

That is fucking crazy though I'm not gonna lie. That is scary that there's this. There's just a dude out there. You should do that when they got rid of bars on rainy. Is that why it's all just apartments now Everything's sad on rainy street. They killed it Yeah, yeah rainy street used to be our favorite That's where we mean super talked about the the tiki bar that we used to go to and they used to give us the zombie It was just the worst fucking drink. I have ever had in my entire life

It was like I think it was like six different alcohols and then just a little pineapple juice or something. And then he put a little lime on top with Everclear in it. And he used to light it on fire for us, whatever, do the whole spiel. But the one time he just said, oh yeah, that's actually drinkable,

like the thing in the lime. And I was drunk and oh, okay, cool. And I thought it was just like rum or something, like not too, too bad. And I took a full shot of Everclear at this fucking gross ass tiki bar. Dude, I could hear my grandpa whispering to me. It was, I was on the way out, dude.

It was bad. It was disgusting. My entire throat, like esophagus down to your stomach. first liquor I ever drank. Everclear? Yeah. How are you alive? I was 15. I had a red solo cup. You just red solo cupped it. Red solo cup from Everclear. I was 15 years old. My friend. Dude, you probably lost like six years of your life. It was fucking awesome. It was a Halloween party.

Went wrong. Who the fuck brought Everclear over? Were you chasing it or just straight? I think it was Coca-Cola there or something. Oh, OK. But it was like, yeah.

A clear and Coke? Those are pretty common.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It was good. It'd be 15 in that trunk, and like 180 proof.

That is absolutely insane.

There is one way, one way, deep end way. And a guy, you see In this case it was a woman like puke liquid at the very top of his staircase and it just the puke just starts running down like a waterfall every stair. Gross. And you're in the basement and you have to you have to go up the steps to get out of the basement.

You gotta dodge pizza chunks.

So that you can meet your dad who's picking you up because the party's busted. So then you have to climb out of the basement window so you don't get puke all over your shoes.

You should have done a drinking game. Whenever, when you were a kid, it was raining and you were going for a drive, you guys were on like water droplets beating. You guys could have like, been on like chunks of dinner.

Which one's gonna make it down the peak? Is the noodle or the tomato going to hit the bottom first?

That's how it was when I puked yesterday. Cause it was just all that fresh food.

Why didn't you left dinner and puked immediately?

Birthday party sprinkles, birthday cake sprinkles.

It was like a very thick chunk. Because there was a lot of steak, a lot of meat, a lot of eating meat.

So when it came out, it was just like a blob of like goo.

I also got to say, complete side note, dude, the way you eat dinner pisses me the fuck off. You're shredding it. Dude, his plate looks like a rabbit got smoked by a car.

There was just giblets all over his plate. It's like someone shot a fucking like a groundhog with a 50 BMG with like a bullet right in it.

It was like a roadkill on my plate. It was so bad.

It was a squirrel up with a civil war unit.

It's like a mom chopping up a hot dog for a kid.

It's like if someone doesn't want to be rude and they have too much food on their plate but they want it to appear like little, he was eating his little chunks all night. I was just thinking about it. I was just setting them aside. I was thinking about it.

And you 100% would have had a glass of milk if they served milk, huh?

Yes. Well that's why I got him a White Russian, because it's made with milk in it. So I was like, surely he'd like his little milkies. Too much coffee taste though. I drink like six of them your stoma. You don't feel good later, but it's Creamy alcohol to me is just gross. I don't know. Yeah Yeah, these are fucking lame. We went to nice cocktail bars, and you're just Right. Yeah, what kind of what kind of fucking you got?

Whiskey you got some coke you got a whiskey. Yeah. Yeah, you like your little apple with well apple Honey, I get any kind of flavor whiskey is good. Except cinnamon. Cinnamon's the only one. No? It just reminds me of Fireball too much. Like I've had like Jack Fire. Cinnamon, oh dude.

And it's just too much fire, too Fireball.

I hate Fireball.

Fireball's fucking disgusting.

It used to be good, but then I threw up with it once, and then it was damn good. years. Yeah, apple and honey are my favorites. Those two bang with coke.

Sorry, I was looking at do you didn't blink for a while there. You're just looking at you're looking up towards the camera. Another head buddy. You sure he's already non verbal. Yeah, sure I'm verbal. I'm hanging in there.

What do you think about what do you think about weed? What does it do to you? This is your second time smoking, so you're probably definitely going to get high. So give us a play-by-play rundown real fast, real quick about your experience smoking weed yesterday and now.

Real fast, real quick.

I don't think he's doing anything quick right now.

He's just waiting.

Oh, well, yesterday was bad because I was already drunk. I stop talking. That's a bad first time to smoke is when you're thinking every word right now. It's just a little slow motion slow Irish It's actually wrist watch

You want me to stop fucking you?

What? Oh, oh

That's funny It do so high like hmm. What's being high like it's just a little slow a little slow world's going slow Mm-hmm. You feel temperature change in your body. No, I need to piss really bad. Yeah

You know, I don't know that's related to the we not

I

Remember when I first started getting high I was always just like warm. Yeah bodies. Can you feel like your scalp melt?

No, no, I don't feel like you like the muscles in your head relax. No, I don't get that. Mm-hmm

Okay, wait until you green out. That's going to be fun. Green out? Just get them greened out.

Just wait until you have a panic attack and have a fucking nightmare experience. It'll be a lot of fun.

I'm peeling my skin off.

Yeah, you're going to start peeling your pants off.

You're peeling off your skin. But once I develop anxiety like it just makes it worse now, which is weird because a lot of people smoke it for anxiety

Yeah, so me sometimes it works. Sometimes we do not for everyone. Yeah, we do certainly not for everyone Especially if you have psychotic tendencies don't smoke marijuana if you have any like you should probably stop doing that right there Yeah, I don't have psychotic tendencies not

21 people in the river would argue against that. I don't fucking hear them talking. That's fucking crazy.

I'm just covered in ash. And you can be too if you go to gamersubs.gg and buy Grandpa or Grandma's ashes.

Incredible. We're 10% off. It's just a treat to watch them in person.

Of course, of course.

Do we want to wrap it up or is there anything else you guys want to yap about? We can wrap it up like we're mad to fuck a hooker? Is that our plan after dinner? Lot lizards. Less of a pain in the ass than fucking watching Pornhub. That's probably easier to him. Anyway, on that note, thanks so much for listening to the Goons Podcast.

And watching this one time impression of a special episode.

Very special episode. We'll actually make sure it happens again. I mean, Swagger's in the US for a little bit longer.

A little bit longer.

We'll make sure we get at least one more of these.

Yeah, we can do something. Oh, you, you're not gonna be in Vegas. Are you gonna be in Vegas?

I'm not gonna be in Vegas. They're not gonna be in Vegas.

Damn it.

Well, I might be in Vegas. I'm a toss up, but maybe, yeah, we can work something out. The clues, a couple of the coolest guys will be there. Maybe we can do something with them. uh... in person or two before you go will meet somewhere else will do uh... will do it will try to find a fun little stupid location somewhere in the u s maybe like a field in delaware something

all year so we can make a list of more why delaware known for its beautiful lush fields

anyways use code goons go get yourself some new

called the

and gg energy if it is back in stock hopefully it is uh... possession is actually gasp for you Some GG energy if it is back in stock, hopefully it is because that shit is gas fire If our pixel cup and mouse pad aren't sold out make sure you go In need of either those linked in the description. Yeah, thank you for listening download on Spotify and like the video on YouTube In need of either those linked in the description. Yeah, thank you for listening download on Spotify and like the video on YouTube See you later. Bye