What's the SMALLEST theme park that still makes money?

Okay, I have a question. What is the actual smallest theme park that you could make that is still profitable? I have to have customers come into the park and purchase tickets and that needs to exceed the cost of running the park So I don't know is it like one toilet? Is it like one ride? I want to figure out so we have to learn what is the bare minimum to get people to come into our park and spend Money, we're not just talking about size. It's like the fewest things in the park. So we're gonna start out. We're gonna make a path. Okay, you want to come in now? Fucking assholes. All right. Look, so I think we just kind of build the basics, right? We get a ride

We get a food place. This is already ovaries. It's not ovaries. Alright, look. Let's cover the basics of what we need. I think we need a ride, right? Do we feel like this is a small ride or a big one because it's so tall? It takes up very little, like, horizontal space. Okay, this is the cheapest one.

The- do the cheap ones are still- there we go. That's pretty small. We got okay. This is also tiny rock to puss or I will riot rock to puss is gigantic. We're not doing rock to puss There's a huge fucking ride man. Okay, we've got a ride open. So here's my question. Is this all we need? What if this is the whole thing? Ladies and gentlemen, the park is open Come on in. Whoa, look at this, dude. There's so many people. Oh my god. my park is amazing. Oh, it's free to get into the park! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Three dollars. Okay, they're leaving now because it costs money. No, no, no, they're paying!

Alright, so we gotta look at our money. Cash flow, negative fourteen hundred dollars. Wait, wait, wait, no, no, hold on, hold on. Profit? The warning outcome is that do you need a ride for people to show up in your park? Cause like, I feel like we're just profitable, right? Yeah, just literally, I'm making money. So the question is, if we just have food, will they still show up?

How do I get rid of this? Okay, ladies and gentlemen. Come get your Bratwurst! Alright, what are you thinking? Okay, they're not a fan. Hold on, let me make the park free. The park is now free, and the Bratwurst are gonna be...

It's like, one dollar. Wait, they're coming! No, hold on! Buy a fucking Bratwurst, dude! What is wrong with you? Okay, buy a hot dog. Okay, so the park can just be a hot dog.

Okay, we need a smaller store though. This is too big. All right. Come on ladies and gentlemen to the new dug dug theme park It's free to come in. Why hold on? Why were they coming in for bratwurst? shorten the path Can we make it smaller Okay, okay and we do we get a sale do we get a sale

No, fuck wait, you know who else is having a sale starboard systems. They're selling hot juicy beef. I mean Computers are selling computers and keyboards. Look at this old-school runescape keyboard. Golly click the link below

beef oh Runescape keyboard. Golly! Click the link below. There's beef. Ugh.

Oh, shit! I have to pay people! I forgot I have to pay my staff. We're down seven dollars right now. Wait, hold on. We need a staff building or they'll stop working. Why doesn't he pick himself up by a bootstrap? I don't understand. I've done all the hard work of making the park. Let's, let's get back to the drawing board. I think we got to move it back here and we're also gonna have paths going like this. The thing is no one is coming to eat my chief beef. Wait wait hold on hold on we've got a customer. Welcome sir. He walks forward, the view emerges, it's the most beautiful backdrop to a burger store he's ever seen.

He walks in for free, he walks up to the burger stand. Let's go. I hope he bought the $2 thing. Oh my God. We have a line.

We have, okay.

We've got customers. The problem is I need a staff room because the guy's going to stop working. It has to be sustainably profitable. We're we've lost $365 this month. You can make it back. The problem is it costs money to pay for this month. You can make it back. The problem is it costs money to pay for this guy. And not only does it cost money to pay for him, we have to make a goddamn staff building. This is ridiculous.

Use a vending machine. Wait. That's a good idea. You're gone. We get rid of the humans. It's not losing its job to AI, it's replacing it with a vending machine. It's losing its ATM. Can we charge money? Wait, hold on. Where are vending machines? Dune Delights. No, that is a person. Claw Machine! Okay, we're getting rid of the ATM. Oh my god, they're here! Hold on. Welcome in. Are they paying it? Let's go! Wait, so is this enough? I might have stayed longer, but there's nothing to do. There aren't enough reasons to stick around. I guess I wasn't good enough for Claw Crane Machine 1. You scared them. No, they loved the park.

First off, there's too much path. They got confused by that. This isn't a theme park. It's a restaurant. No, it's a, think of it like a Dave and Busters without the Dave or the Busters. It's the thing.

It's this is and it's are still people showing up by the way first off secondly um

Holy shit, this park has so many right i'm having such a good time on all of this one, right?

Thank you to park 10 out of 10. You know, what would be a funny five minute coding adventure? Is that there's like a yelp review that pops up wait shit. That would be really funny. Oh, man Let's see. I would make it so you can say one to five stars and it would pick one randomly and then it pops up on stream. Is this worth five minutes of coding adventure?

Can all of you please now give a review?

So on a spurt, not enough at mo.

Okay, looks like it's going to have a hard time reading the one out of five. Two, five, okay. I guess it's not that bad.

All right, cool, cool, cool.

So it's picking a random one. So we're going to do an F string that is this. Why did that happen? I don't know what I pressed to make that happen. All right, last thing, last thing. We have to decide the voices.

What do we search for? Like Karen? I don't think that's going to be like the name of a voice. Squeagle!

Ah! Behold! The wild Karen in her natural habitat, approaching the manager with devastating

speed!

Uh, this is Karen A.

Creativity requires the courage to let go of certainties.

Angry female. I don't know what to search for.

I begged you to fight for us. Just once.

This one's pretty good. Because this is like nice and emotional. We want squeagle. I don't want...

Listen up, pipsqueak. My fo-

MLM folks say, it's not angry at all.

What are we talking about?

Ah!

Do we want the voices to be random? Like you get one of five random voices? Or if you do a certain score for the park, you get a certain voice. I think random probably makes more sense. All squeagle.

We're not doing all squeagle. This is gonna be so funny for 30 seconds. Two out of five.

My kid was really excited to play the claw machine, but it only had these weird pepper shaped mugs inside. Disappointed.

That was good.

It was fucking good.

These are good mugs.

Five out of five. This park is great. Yeah, you can go to such places as claw machine and

ah, ah.

Why is there a stolen ATM machine? This is perfect. So every five minutes we'll have reviews. The game has been running, by the way. Are we making any money? No. No customers came in and we just spent $30 running the crane game.

Excellent. I am going to put a beef store. $5. I feel like this is a good deal. Okay, okay. Okay. Let's see what they let's see what they actually go for. Okay, it's mostly for the claw machine This is our big money maker lifetime profit negative $400. I think we need to increase the price, dude The chance to win is 50. Are you guys gonna go to the okay? They teleported out of the park. Are you guys gonna go to the ATM ride? Okay, they're going to get beef

I feel like an ATM and like a claw machine in a beef park might actually make money. We are going to make it a little more condensed. Chief Beef right here. However, crane game. Also, what I'm wondering, do we duplicate? Oh my god. Hold on. Hold on. There we go. There we go. This is looking good. We got a big crowd coming. Are they gonna go to the beef? Okay, they teleported out. Why are they- they're doing one thing and then leaving. They're not entertained, put a bathroom. Do we need a toilet? Is it worth investing in a toilet? I've been trying to save money. That's gigantic! Do we need a toilet this big? I feel like you can put a bush or something. We're negative $850 this month. Okay, I put it in the price to $20 for the toilet. Nobody has actually purchased a hot dog, only toilets. You know what? You're right. I'll try all toilets. We're getting rid of the cheap beef. The problem is I don't think toilet park will actually- oh my god, they're coming! Use the toilet! Use the toilet! Use the toilet!

They're waiting in line for this claw machine. Wait, they won. Please go buy something. No! Oh cool, I won. Great free entry. Park entry. So they're excited about the free park entry go to the toilet go to the toilet go to the toilet What are the toilet nobody needs to use the bathroom here? My worry is like if the park is super small nobody's ever gonna use the toilet, okay, all right I think the problem may be that the claw games are too close. I'm getting rid of the ATM

0-5 I can't pay the toilet entry fee after the ATM was removed D. Okay toilet park is not enough

Nobody comes in I don't understand, but there was one claw machine people did come in. Two out of five.

The bathroom made me play a claw machine in order to get toilet paper.

Ha ha ha ha!

One out of five. I love this park so much.

Alright, if this is the park... Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, customers! Hold on, hold on. We're increasing the beef. What is wrong with you? We're turning down the price on the burgers.

Hi, Doug. As a legitimate business advisor, the answer is simple. Make the drinks cheap and the toilet's expensive. Supply and demand, baby. You got to control the means of urine production.

Dude, you're right. We fire chief beef and we add in drinks. All right, buy a soda, please. We might literally need a ride.

I want a refund for park entry.

Park entry is free. We don't charge you. There's gotta be other stuff we can do besides put a ride. A ride is bullshit. That's like people are spoiled. Put a ride down that's barricaded so they can't use it. I don't know if it does anything. You're saying there's a- there's a ride here that they can just look at. Okay, let's see if uh, if that works.

Ladies and gentlemen, park is now open!

Oh, alright, here we go. They're coming to the crane game ride. The staff are getting upset at me. What is- why don't they even want to take a shit? I hate to do this. We've got to open the ride. I'm gonna move the toilet. Okay, we've got customers Well, come on in and now maybe they'll use the toilet. Okay, I think we start charging money for the entrance I'm charging. Oh my god. There's so many people

$3 entry Holy shit, dude Okay, we're rolling in it use the fucking bathroom. None of them are even getting in line. They're walking to the toilet and looking at it and then leaving. Okay, I'm turning the price of the toilet down. The park is going crazy now. Oh, look at the crane games! They're buying drinks! Use the toilet! Why- they're literally going to the toilet and checking it out. Hold on, we got to make the thing bigger. We need more- we need more exit- oh, we're shutting it down, shutting it down. people who can ride the ride. This is so much. No, this is getting gigantic. This is like the biggest park.

We're gonna have to get rid of the toilet. No toilet is here. It's right after the ride. The park is too big.

I agree.

I don't like this. Okay. We have a ride. Here we go. Here we go. This is what we're talking about.

All right. to use the bathroom but Q for the ride blocked the entrance. Someone also did a shit in the claw machine and my child won it.

Wait, wait, hold on. The claw game? Last month's profit, negative $10. We're actually close to profitability. I'm going to $6 to play. Claw machine is almost profitable. How much is this doing?

Last month's profit is $20. We are making money on this.

One out of five why is there a ride in my restroom park why is the toilet

costing me a hundred dollars a month dude I don't understand where it's somebody going to toilet five out of 50 cents for a toilet stabbed while taking a dump that's too expensive that's the most adrenaline there we go ran through me thank God dude somebody pissed okay what's, what's our monthly money looking like? Cashflow, what, no, wait, it was $1 for a second. $9!

Ladies and gentlemen, the park is profitable. We made $2. Okay, let's look at our finances. We need to do some hard, honest analysis. Is it worth it to pay this personal living wage? What if I only pay her $10 a day? $1. That's still enough to go to the toilet twice a day.

Oh, they're on strike. Well, here's what I'm thinking. I'm gonna do a little trick I learned. Um... Fire him. You close the shop, delete the shop,

and there's... we're not selling any more soda. Okay, this could be profitable. If you want a drink, go buy it somewhere else. Not everything has to sell everything. Okay, I can choose to be a claw machine and a whirly gig park Also, I think we can make it we can make a smaller ride and we need an atm. No one was using the atm There's nothing to even buy with the atm There's no more soda. I guess the claw machine. Hold on. Hold on pause in the park

This is profitable and what i'm wondering is do we instead get what's the really tall one this because it looks smaller and as long as I don't look upwards I don't have to look at the fact that it's really really gigantic. That's huge. It's a huge park vertically. It's too big Well, we need a ride. I think we can't do this without a ride Okay, you know what? Let's we're gonna do a quick little review of rides and see which ones we want Oh my god, okay, this is comparatively not that tall. I think we go with this thing, right?

One out of five. I just got fired. This broke ass man can't even pay me minimum wage.

You think we have the money for that? Have you seen my parking?

Two out of five. I got lost and couldn't find the toilet. This place really needs a map

Map ladies and gentlemen, I would like to introduce to you our new ride now I think we need a lot of space for people to wait in line because this is our sole moneymaker So I'm gonna do something controversial. I'm going to delete the toilet. I'm gonna delete this ride We're gonna leave the claw machine. How dare you? We need to get smaller.

All right.

This is our park. You walk in, you go into the ride. And as you leave the ride, you play the claw machine. Ride is now open. Claw machine is now open. Oh my God.

They love it, dude. Holy shit.

Okay.

Okay.

We are going to be in the fucking green. Oh my god. They're going to the claw machine too. What do we got charging entrance one dollar the ride? I think I can increase the price right they seem to be happy with it. The queue looks fast. I like the look They seem excited about it. We increase this to $12. Okay. All right. What do you guys thinking? They they're pretty happy They need to pee so they're liking the claw machine. Okay. Okay. We're just getting people in a loop. We're probably super profitable. $800 of profit.

Holy dude.

Okay.

I increased the price of this one out of five.

Try to ride the claw machine, but the claw wasn't grippy enough and the plushy floor made it hard to gain traction.

Five out of five stole money from the claw machine. Okay.

You know what? Because of that, I'm getting rid of the claw machine.

Okay.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is our current record. It's kind of big, but it is absolutely possible to make a profit park with one ride and nothing else. But I think there has got to be a way to do this without rides. The ride is easy mode. We're going back into study mode.

Okay. this without rides. The ride is easy mode. We're going back into study mode. Okay, we're gonna we're gonna do something drastic and we're getting rid of the ride. Everybody's tired of it. We need to get a sense of what things are as small as possible. Damn, that guy's got sick hair. Small as possible that still bring people to the park. Okay, test number one. If this is our store, does anybody come? Oh my god. Oh my god. They love it. Oh, not quite. Okay. Okay. Okay. Wait, wait, wait, wait. I wish this park had a drink shop. I dislike removed ride. Remove rides. Why are there? There's not enough to do here.

Um okay. I don't think Broadwurst is profitable. Doug is

shocked to find out amusement parks make more money when they

have something amusing to do. I don't need a ride to feel satisfied. I like going and eating somewhere. TikTok hasn't melted my brain to the point that I can't go enjoy a bratwurst. What I mean is like, if somebody was like, hey, there's a bratwurst at the end of this incredibly long tunnel, I would be excited about that. Cause that's so weird. Go to a food court.

Yeah, that's what it is. I like going to food courts. rides but a shit ton of decorations. Will that do it? Okay, all right, new strategy. We get rid of the bratwurst. Okay, this park fucking rips. I would absolutely pay $20 to go here. Look at that shit. Are you serious? You wouldn't pay $20? Okay, wait, I'm going from $20 to $5. What is wrong with these people? This is fucking awesome. We lost $800 this month.

Okay, there's an ATM. The standard ticket is way overpriced. Really. It costs $5 to see this. What about 10 cents? Okay, they don't give a fuck. Scenery does not do anything. We've got to give like functional stuff. I don't think they care about scenery. They

can see it from the gate. Wait, these people are getting a free ride, huh? All right, we gotta figure out another thing. Scenery, they don't care. What if it's just vending machines? And I don't have to pay a human. Dude, this could be it. We're just like a claw game store, like they have in Japan.

Chief Beef.

Pipshot, sure, I don't know what that is.

Uh, pizza.

Everybody loves vending machine pizza. Gumballs.

Popcorn.

And then, and then, and then, and then, and then...

Toilets.

Okay, never mind,. Oh my god, we got customers, customers, customers. Okay, they're going for Bratwurst. Two out of five got bubonic plague from the hamburger vending machine.

Really?

If there aren't enough reasons to stick around, that's enough fun for one day. So people will come and do one round of crane game, and then we can't get more money out of them. And that's the challenge. How do we extract more money out of them. And that's the challenge. How do we extract more money? We don't need that much more money because claw games take so little monthly running cost of $30.

The only thing they want is claw machines. Hold on brain game. We just need to make more than $30. So if I go way down and I increase the price to $10, wait, $10 and one cent. And we need three customers a month and we're in the green because this costs $30 a month to run. Let's do it. We just need three customers.

Come on. Come on, you sons of bitches. The most menacing claw machine. Why does it feel like we're about to fight a boss? Are there like skulls? Can I make this like terrifying? Terrified

Hold on no no no go in you son of a bitch

Okay, hold on can it be honest Doug if I knew there was a regular s claw machine that cost $10 at the end of a subway tunnel I don't think I would visit even if it was free to go and stand in front of it Come on be honest with yourself. you would never visit this place.

Yes, I would.

Now it looks like you leave cursed.

Oh my god, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on!

Come on, you son of a bitch.

Come on!

Is the problem that it's not scary enough? Oh my god, please, please, please, please, please.

Come on, come on. Use the claw machine.

Wait. That's enough fun for one day. Do I need to hire a guy? What if I hire a creepy ghost dude? Yeah, that should help. He's scary. Oh, well, he's fun for the whole family, dude.

You know perfectly well that people would come here and take Instagram photos and be like, what the fuck is this place? Well, to be fair, they would come to the park entrance and take a photo and then leave.

Wait.

Oh my God. That's a whole family.

Hold on.

If they play the claw game and each pays $7 and 51 cents for the love of God, please.

They, they hate him.

I'm fine.

He's fired. You get out of here. Leave. I'm fine. He's fired. You get out of here leave go away. He's also taking the company costume Here's what I don't get dude when it was a claw machine and five other vending machines They would come into the park play the claw machine and then leave so that leads me to believe that we need at least one Other vending machine. No, no, no, no, we need vending machines vending v vending, vending. Sure, Cosmic Cow Ice Cream. Why isn't it connecting to the road? Okay, we're getting a gelato vending machine.

Oh, come on. Okay, we're removing the shark, I mean boat.

Three out of five, I got fired even though I was the best gosh darn ghost mascot the world has ever seen. Got to keep the costume though.

Which, by the way, I will be pursuing legal action. See, hold on. Now they go to the...

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

So the path was too short. Wait, can I just move this onto the front of it?

Oh my God.

Just a fucking skull on it. These don't cost me additional money per month. So if this makes people stoned, that's fine. Why aren't people playing my claw machine? I, dude, I'm not kidding. And I think, you know, I'm not, I would go to this park. This is so fucked up and compelling.

God, yes.

Hold on. Hold on. Hold on.

We're in the big money.

God, we're making money.

Okay.

Wait, wait, wait. I can't click the vending machine now. All right. All right. Our money finances last month's income $7. So we're getting some money. Wait, can I move this? There's not enough to do here. I wish this part got a food shop. It's not what we're doing here.

We're a crane game store. Okay. We've got something going here moving the claw machine farther from the entrance makes people excited about it They are flooding into the park. I Think they're using the machine to dude. Look at that last much income $30 at four cents last month's profit four cents. Okay. I need this to hold I need this to hold we need like this needs To be repeatable. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Hold on. Oh, right. I forgot a vending machine

Wait, I forgot to pay for these. This is a $50 monthly cost So the park wasn't profitable but just the crane machine was if we kill chief beef and cosmic cow So our only cost now is $30. But what I'm worried is if we don't have those vending machines, less people will come. Or will they? Come on, get in there. Entry cost nothing.

I'm not paying that much to use claw machine. For some reason, if there isn't a vending machine that they aren't using, they're willing to pay less for the crane game. That makes sense.

Five out of five. Doug Dug murdered everyone who thought the crane game was too expensive and is displaying their skulls.

Three out of five tried to play the crane game, but then I got trapped on a ship and couldn't escape. At least I learned how to be a pirate. Yeah.

I don't know how to get rid of the boat. Okay, what we could do is charge people to enter the park. $2. The claw game is going to cost $1 and you have a 90% chance of winning if these cheap motherfuckers don't pay for it Okay, hold on. We're getting customers. Hold on. Hold on three customers last month last month's income $11. Wait, hold on. Hold on

Park is great. They literally said the park is great Please print that out and frame it. If somebody's editing this video, make that really big.

Hold on.

Hold the fucking phone. One second, hero. I know, buddy. You're also excited.

We might be doing it.

We need ten people to come to this park. That's it. Those are only operating expenses. This fire is is free. The fire is free because of all the fracking you do for natural gas on the property Okay, they are playing hold on. Holy shit. They're waiting in line for it. News is spreading. We're getting there We're getting where they're getting there. It's the greatest park in the world. It's October here down here October 6 How many people this month that was like two we need more we need more

We're already already a third of way through the month. We need more get in there get in there Wow looks pretty fun You should play multiple times did they leave no why'd you leave?

Three out of five the claw machine stole my soul the bathroom stole my dignity And the park itself stole my will to live. We're almost at the end of October

I need you guys to spend a lot of money. Not the worst park I've ever been to. Spend money spend a lot of money spend a lot of money not the worst park I've ever been to spend money spend a lot of money spend a lot of money

Please five out of five my dad went missing many years ago, but I was somehow Reunited with him when I won his skull out of the claw machine

Coming back next week to find my mom. It's a new month. Five out of five. Love walking through this tunnel with my fam to make the owner hopeful, then turning back around to crush his dreams.

Son of a bitch.

Also, the claw machine is rigged.

Last month's income, $18. Monthly running costs, $30. How do we make the money? Is there any ideas? Increase the price, lower the ticket chance? Okay, we just got to send it. It's all about scamming people increase the ticket price to five dollars and one cent

This has to work this family They walk up and then right before they buy the claw machine we increase the price of $30 unpause And they played it Did I get him come on he's $30 or one cents. Oh my god, they won maybe okay That still means I make the money right? That's fine. Okay, they seem happy. They look stoked All right. The price is one cent for the crane game one cent. Come on in. I'm like an anglerfish Oh, it's so cheap. Come into my boat.

I have great deals in my boat, dude. Now, I know you can't quite see the price, but it says one cent. Where is he?

Where is he?

Did he leave my boat? You asshole. I don't know if it's gonna work until we check the end of the month profits. Hold on, hold on. I wonder if they're in line, are they locked in to buying a ticket to it? $30, one cent. Do these people get out of line or since they're already in line, are they stuck?

Okay, they leave, they paid one cent, they're happy. They're like, oh yeah, check it out. They come in, they pay, hold on, it's March 19th. I have another 20 days to be profitable. this might work we just got to send it wait till the end of the month I hope all the people interested in entrepreneurship and business have been watching I think we just ran a profitable business and we're officially in April March year five ninety dollars in rides and an eighty six dollar profit

this is the most united I've seen chatters with Doug. Nothing brings people together like scamming park goers and rigging machine prices.

Oh wow, I'm so proud of this fucking boat. Okay, I think this is the smallest park you can make. It's a single claw machine.

One out of five. The claw machine won me and now I'm trapped.

Five out of five for thirty bucks and a new dog, Toy Puggies.

The best part is that some of the people won.

I wouldn't go here because the reviews are quite sketchy. I wouldn't go here because the reviews are quite sketchy.

The reviews are a little creepy.