where would I be without you Jonathan?? 😔😔 @SKIN1004 US @NARS Cosmetics @Charlotte Tilbury @YSL Beau

I'm sat in the Sainsbury's car park right now because I was about to go and do my food shopping and then I remembered Jonathan said I shouldn't leave the house without makeup on.Thank God I keep one of these in my boot.God forbid anyone sees me looking like this.Ain't that right, Johnny?This nasty looking bitch needs a full face today.Obviously when I'm buying a pint of milk and a loaf of bread, I need to look my best.

No, but where would we actually be without men?Probably dead.I'm actually having some friends over for a little party tonight.

Unfortunately, it's only bad bitches that are allowed to attend.Sorry, Jonathan.I've even made my man go and get a fresh trim because there ain't no way I'm doing a full beat.And his curls are touching his ankles.Jonathan, honey, take note.Because a fresh trim for men is like makeup for women.

And now I'm actually panicking because Sainsbury's shuts in 10 minutes.I just realized I don't have any cash on me.Wait, but I do have my card.Face card.Meow.