Your daily news blast from Katie Blaaaady Hopkins (Australian accent optional)

Breaking news here in Batship Bonkers, Britain, where the Welsh Government, Labour, have asked nurseries and toddler groups to report any three -year -olds that might be seen indulging in racist behaviour and log it as a hate incident.Presumably this is because Plaid Cymru thinks that by picking on three -year -olds it will make them look more like grown -ups.If you do need to go to a police station to report the hate crime committed by a three -year -old, you need to leave by last Wednesday because the 20 mile an hour speed limit in Wales means you won't get there till next Thursday.In other news, Reform pulled a blinder in order to distract from Nigel's 5 million crypto bung from some weirdo in Thailand.They've come out and said that they're going to put illegal detention centres wherever people vote Green.

And this is genius because it's always the holier -than -thou people, yeah, who live in posh places, yeah, who say refugees welcome, yeah, asylum seekers welcome, yeah.I mean as long as it's not near my four million pound home or my private school for my kids or my private medical care, then absolutely put the detention centres near them, put them near the people who say they support them and then see what happens.

And finally, it's good news for the plague crews, the rat shit.cruise ship where you get this kind of virus from Ratchet that's in the food.Three are dead and the captain and the ship's doctor need emergency help because they're not looking too promising either.It's going to dock in Gran Canaria, I believe.So if you're on Holly Bob's in Gran Canaria, may I just suggest giving the port area a bit of a miss for the next couple of days.That's it, my darlings.

Everything's just going swimmingly here in Batship Bonkers, Britain.